Vol. 9, Issue 3 October 22, 2010 (CAPS LOCK DAY)

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com

(Lame pun, we know.)

Carney… Linkletter… Garfunkel...

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Quote of the Week

Leditors to the Editor Dear Ramdiculous,

I can't find my sandals. Also,

I woke up in Clovis yesterday

with a kidney missing, did you

do that?

-Dell Hoverton

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

Your weekly rag is nothing

but boring and pretentious

crap. So please print this letter

to validate my claim.

-J.B. Fix

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

Train A, traveling 70 miles

per hour (mph), leaves West-

burg heading toward Eastford,

260 miles away. At the same

time Train B, traveling 60 mph,

leaves Eastford heading toward

Westburg. When do the two

trains meet? How far from each

city do they meet?

-Your high school math

teacher

Teacher—How on earth did you get this address? I’m offi-cially scared now. -Top Ed.

Dear Ramdiculous,

Do not be alarmed by our

presence. We just want to

ask your readers to answer

two questions honestly:

1.) What color are your

sister's toenails? Be specific.

2.) Whatever happened to

Alicia Silverstone?

Thank you for answering.

And don't mind the intru-

sive probing device around

your nether regions; that's

perfectly normal.

-Grand Overlord

Svn2qxxyp 12, Tertiary Ad-

junct to Vega Theta

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

YOU have my sandals. Or

perhaps Mark does. One of

you.

-Dell Hoverton

*****

Dearest Ramdiculous,

I love you SO much. I

want you to be my hot

girlfriend. I already

bought you a swimsuit to

wear to the lake; I know

all your measurements by

heart. Come over to my

apartment later, I left you a

spare key. And please love

me the way I love you, or we

might die.

-Aldo Kelrast

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

Okay, SERIOUSLY, where

is my kidney? I'm not kid-

ding, my skin's starting to

turn yellow. I'd walk to the

hospital, but I seem to be

missing my sandals.

-Dell Hoverton

Dell—Okay, fine, we sold your kidney for publishing money. Do you realize how difficult it is to print this paper every other week? And your sandals are your own problem. -Top Ed.

*****

Have a leditor for our editor? Send an email to his inbox at bparsons1@angelo.edu, or message him through our Facebook page. Good luck.

Vol. 9, Issue 3 Something to read in class today

R A M D I C U L O U S   P A G E   P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite blood type via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. And why exactly are you reading this fine print, anyway? 

Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons

Homeboy of the world Seth Chomout

Artists and writers The Ramdiculous Goons

Should I try to do some more 25 or 6 to 4

“Teacher, I don’t wanna do this for home-work!” -Some guy I knew in junior high back in 1999

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the incredible question

Ram of the Week: Isabel Ventura Meet Isabel Ventura. She’s cool. When we contacted her to be Ram of the Week for this week, we asked her

what she’d like us to mention about her. She responded that she works in residential programs as a P.A. She’s done it

for two years. She also wants people to attend their programs. So you’d better do it. I mean it. You had better attend these programs, be-

cause if you don’t, then YOU WILL FACE THE FULL WRATH OF THE RAMDICULOUS PAGE. And I’m being totally serious. Isabel is way too nice for her hard work to go unnoticed, so you’d better attend those programs. Just sayin’.

Want to be our Ram of the Week? Message us @ facebook.com/ramdiculous. Pictured: An awesome P.A.

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Doing Some Art and Stuff By Thomas Nast

Today

In the park

With the trees

And the sky

I paint things.

Tomorrow

In the hallway

In the building

On the campus

I sing.

Right now

In the lab

On the library

At a quarter to five

I write some artsy prose

To make deadline. :-P

Poetry Time.

Write or draw for us! Contact us at:

page@ramdiculous.com (P.S. For every article you write that gets published,

you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)

Snakes with jetpacks attack Ram Band; battle ensues per wind section began marching around in circles while their section leader shouted orders at them. By this time, the snakes were di-rectly above the stadium and were shooting fireballs into the crowd.

As chaos erupted within the mass of people, the saxo-phones stood around and com-plained about various things such as how hot the uniforms were, how nostalgia isn't what it used to be, and that the spe-cifics as to how magnets func-tion seem to be elusive.

Meanwhile, the trombones moved into a defensive forma-tion and fired flak rockets from their instruments into the sky. This was the first re-motely effective strategy, and should be noted in case of fu-ture flying-reptile attacks.

The percussion sections became jealous of the trom-bones and did some spinny things with their drumsticks, but then quickly realized that they're really not as cool as the rest of the band.

After the trombones had exhausted their ammunition, the tubas decided to get to-gether and form a giant robot to fend off the remaining aerial scale-bearers.

In doing so, however, the entire stadium was de-stroyed and the snakes de-cided to just go back home. At this time, the total cost of damages to the stadium are unreported, but we can all rest easy knowing that the Ram Band is here to protect our campus, even if that means destroying it in the process.

By Joseph L. Haydn

Who’s This? Text us your

answer! (562) RAMDIC-7 (562) 726-3427

Last week’s answer: Lord Zedd (Caleb Rodriguez got it right)

Dan

te R

esid

entia

l By

Bry

ce J.

Par

sons

During the Ram Band's halftime show at last Satur-day's football game, the sta-dium was unanticipatedly attacked by a swarm of jet-pack-wielding snakes. The snake's numbers were re-ported to be approximately nine-thousand or more. The band promptly took defen-sive measures against the flying reptiles.

The trumpets were the first to react as they pointed their instruments into the sky and bombarded the snakes with the highest notes that they could make. Unfortunately, this did ab-solutely nothing and the snakes continued to slither-fly toward the stadium.

Seeing the trumpet's brave display of fortitude, the up-

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We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State.  Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here.  We are here for 

YOU!  

If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us.  Via email sga@angelo.edu, via phone  

(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights. 

ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the

Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at ads@ramdiculous.com

Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-

fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-

lous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no

organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.

The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page

 

Top Ten Artworks of the world

10.) Birth of Venus

9.) American Gothic

8.) Nighthawks

7.) L.H.O.O.Q.

6.) Led Zeppelin II

5.) The dollar bill eye

4.) That sunflower one

3.) Mona Lisa

2.) Action Comics #1

1.) Lady Gaga

Motherly Advice: Insults, Shakespeare style By Mary Martin

To insult or not to insult,

that is the question. If you are

wanting to sling some arrows

out there at your worst ene-

mies, hit ‘em with some of the

best insults ever written cour-

tesy of William Shakespeare

himself. Yes, the old Bard had

a knack for humiliation.

Girls are you mad at that

favorite boyfriend? Try this

out on him from Love’s La-bour’s Lost, “His intellect is

not replenished, he is only an

animal, only sensible in the

duller parts.” If you want to

ditch the wretch, you might

prefer this one from Hamlet, “Out, you green-sickness car-

rion! Out, you baggage! You

tallow face!” That ought to get

him.

“Bloody, bawdy, villain!

Remorseless, treacherous,

lecherous, kindless villain!

– Hamlet; “You are not

worth the dust which

blows in your face.” – King Lear, or “Such is thy auda-

cious wickedness, thy

lewd, pestiferous and dis-

sentious pranks, as very

infants prattle of thy

pride.” – Henry VI, Part I. And now good offenders

of dignity, “I am damned in

hell for swearing to gentle-

men my friends, you were

good soldiers and tall fel-

lows…” – The Merry Wives of Windsor.

Guys, I know you get mad

at the ladies too, so here are a

couple for you to try. As spo-

ken in Titus Andronicus, “That kiss is comfortless as

frozen water to a starved

snake.” Oh! You really want

to get to her, tell her friends

something like this from

Much Ado About Nothing, “Being no other but as she is, I

do not like her.”

Having issues with your

boss? Use this little ditty from

Troilus and Cressida, “The

plague of Greece upon thee,

thou mongrel beef-witted

lord!” Or how about this piece

from Richard III, “Thou elvish

-mark’d, abortive, rooting

hog.” To really get under his

skin, use his mother, as in this

lovely remark from Henry VI, Part II, “ Thy mother took into

her blameful bed some stern

untutor’d churl…whose fruit

thou art…” Your boss will

never know what just hit him.

And finally for that

friend whom you just love

to hate try out some of

the se l audable quips :

Laconic Trope of the Day

Mike Nelson Destroyer of Worlds

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

“The bumbling goofball causes collateral

damage (or planetary destruction) with-

out even thinking things through… or

having a good reason... hell, it was

probably just an accident.”

Ramdiculous Observances

Saturday, Oct. 23: iPod Day (An obsolete holiday

next year)

Sunday, Oct. 24: Mother-in-Law Day (Poor you.)

Monday, Oct. 25:

Sourest Day (Immediately following Mother-in-Law Day.)

Tuesday, Oct. 26:

Time Travel Day (When this baby hits 88...you’re gonna see some

serious $#!%.)

Wednesday, Oct. 27: Cranky Co-Workers Day

(No comment.)

Thursday, Oct. 28: National Chocolates Day (Because of the forthcoming Sunday, natch.)

Friday, Oct. 29:

Internet Day (Beware the memes!)

Saturday, Oct. 30: Haunted Refrigerator Night

(Leading up to...)

Sunday, Oct. 31:

HALLOWEEN

Hereafter

1:15 4:15 7:30 10:30

Jackass 3 in 2D 1:00 3:30 6:00 8:30

11:00

Paranormal Activity 2 2:00 3:15 4:30 5:45 7:00

8:15 9:30 10:45

Red 1:10 3:00 4:10 6:15 7:50

9:15 10:55

Alpha and Omega

2:05 4:35

Easy A 7:05 9:35

Secretariat

1:05 4:05 7:45 10:50

The Social Network 1:20 4:20 7:20 10:20

My Soul to Take

1:30 4:50 7:35 10:35

Movie Times from present day

The Breakfast Club (1985) By Walter M. Waffles

I first saw this movie on

AMC when I was a teenager,

and I couldn’t believe how

accurately it portrayed my

brooding teenage angst.

Who didn’t have angst as a

teenager? I know I certainly

did. Man oh man.

Really, I could have easily

been classified as an “emo”

kid, even though I didn’t

really dress in black and wear

80s eye shadow or any of that business.

No, I had oodles of brooding

angst. Like the time I was go-

ing to ask Christie Emerson to

the senior prom, but she spat a

loogie in my face. That was a

bit of a downer for me.

Or how about when I

leaned in for my first kiss with

Jen McDoodle, and her lip

ring got caught in my braces?

The ER doctors laughed at us,

man! Jen ended up doing three

years in therapy, and every

time she sees me she has panic

attacks.

So yeah, that’s what The Breakfast Club means to me.

Walter M. Waffles is the Ram-diculous Page’s movie critic. He forgot to take his medica-tion this morning. Uh oh.

Visit the Apple

App store or the

Android Market to

download the

new Ramdiculous

mobile app!

6

Formula for doing some really neato artwork Step 1.) Buy some paintbrushes, paint, and canvas. Step 2.) Put paint on the canvas with the brush. Step 3.) Do it randomly and invent a new art style. Step 4.) ??? Step 5.) PROFIT!

xkcd By Randall Munroe

xkcd.com