Vol. 35 Issue 7 July 14, 2017

“All the News that’s Fit for Camp”

BREAKING NEWS: THE HEART BEAT HAS OBTAINED PICTURES FROM THE FUTURE

What Campers Will Look Like in 60 Years:

Early Dismissal Edition

IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR: Who is this man?#THROWBACK #VINTAGE #ANTIQUES: Campers from many, many summers ago gathered at the Alumni Social last night.

Images Determine That Campers Age Like Fine

Gouda CheeseBy Meena Kodali, 8.8, and Sophie

Kim-Yatter, 9.5Have you ever wondered what you will look like when

you are an old person? Well, here’s your chance to find out what your fellow campers will look like as an elder person! We used supersecret journalistic methods to predict what campers will look like when they have aged greatly. We also found a picture from last night’s CAA Alumni Social that shows how campers will age even more accurately — be-cause it shows campers who have aged already!!!

We are giving you the responsibility to try and figure out who these aged campers are!

What Campers Will Look Like in ~15-20 Years:

Logo by Sara Cury, 28.2

SUZ SEZ

Time to start working on your hats for Hat Day! Have a good weekend!

How to Be a Couch PotatoBy Inaya Shariff, 11.3 and Riya Mahtani, 12.8Welcome to How To: The article where we teach

you how to do stuff. Today’s article is about how to be a couch potato. Enjoy!

Step 1 - ONLY go to the store once a month and get tons of chips and soda.Step 1.5 - Don’t be healthy.Step 2 - Wake up everyday and go from your bed

to the couch (unless you fell asleep on the couch the night before)

Step 3 - Set yourself up with chips, soda, pillows, blankets, and, most importantly, Netflix.

Step 4 - Only get up to get more snacks and soda.Step 5 - Do not forget to keep the heat up in your

mother’s basement..And that’s how to be a couch potato! If you follow

all these steps you will be a professional couch potato. Congrats!

Storytime with TallulahBy Tallulah Reiser, 11.6

So, most of you probably don’t know, but when I was in preschool I knew a girl (I don’t her know anymore, she doesn’t go to my school) who told A LOT of lies. Let’s just call her Holly for now (if your name is Holly, I’m sorry).

So, when I was in preschool, I didn’t know how to tell if something was a lie or not. Even when it was a really silly one that no one would believe. Holly told lies like that she had four dogs( she had one cat) and things like that. But, one day, she told the whole class that her father worked for George Washington.

Let me back up here. George Washington was born in 1732 and died in 1799. And this girl, in the year 2010, told everyone that her father worked for George Washington. GEORGE WASHINGTON.

And she didn’t stop there. She also told the whole class that he sometimes came over to her house with his family for dinner. Yeah...no. Now, I was a little jealous, because I knew George Washington was important (I didn’t exactly know what for, or else I would’ve known it was a lie). So, one day, after preschool I asked my mom if he could come over to OUR house for dinner. She just laughed. I was getting annoyed, so I said, “But he comes over to Holly’s house for dinner!” Then, my mom explained that George Washington is not with us anymore.

The next day, I decided to share my knowledge of George Washington with the class. I told the class that he was the first president of the United States and that he was dead. At that part, some kids started crying, including Holly. We had a talk with the teacher about not hurting people’s feelings or whatever.

Anyway, so now, Erin, Anjali, Vivienne, and I joke around and pretend that he comes to my house for dinner. We have lovely candle-lit dinners of turkey and mashed potatoes. He is very nice.

“It would have been cool if Tallulah actually knew George Washington. I would like to meet him someday”. -Erin Bejasa

“Strange child…” - Anjali Marwell (This is what she says all the time)

“Strange…”-Vivienne Weinberg

The Worst and Best Mario Game

By Austin Lara, 12.5, Hudson Lester, 10.2, and Ian Podniesinski, 11.5

Recently, I was introduced to a game called Unfair Mario. It definitely followed its namesake, with SUPER unfair gameplay. To do research for this article, we asked people around the camp to play the game so that we could see what their reaction is--to know what this game does to the human brain.

Based on our research, we learned that Unfair Mario is considered very hard and easy to rage at. Although it is sometimes fun and strangely addicting, this game is a RAGE game.

When we first played it, we all lost in the first second of the game. Eventually, we survived for a few more seconds at a time and eventually beat the first level. We lost too many times to count, but it was all worth it in the end. Then, we started the second level and the process started all over again.

A Funny Story from Advanced 3D Printing

By Erin Bejasa, 11.3It was the first day of camp and it was last period.

In the basement, the advanced 3-D Printing Class was practicing how to use the website tinkercad.com. Tinkercad is a website where we can practice how to design things to print. In this class, Anjali Marwell was attempting to design a Kraken, the big, scary squid creature that lives in the middle of the ocean. Designing the Kraken was one exercise that we could have worked on to get in our practice. Since Caroline Davidson and Vivienne Weinberg are also close friends of mine and are also in that class, we all knew about Anjali and her squid creature.

This incident was so hilarious, we were laughing about this for a whole day. We were laughing the next day while we were writing the Heartbeat. That day, it was Anjali’s turn to draw the logo for the newspaper. In that logo on the paper that day, you might have noticed that there was a weird and unusual creature on it. That was the Kraken that Anjali drew. It was inspired by what happened in Advanced 3-d Printing Class. Now you know a little bit about the logo.

Why do the CITs and Interns Always Lose?

By Tommy Nolan, 11.5Every year, the annual CITs and Interns vs. Staff vol-

leyball game is held. And every year, the whole camp gets hyped up about the CITs and Interns finally winning. And every year, the CITs and Interns lose.

How is it that the staff keeps beating the CITs and In-terns? The camp shared their theories on why this hap-pens every year.

Theory 1: They lose because they’re younger, so there-fore also less experienced.

Theory 2: They lose because they’re bad.Theory 3: They lose because the staff has Colin.Theory 4: They lose because Nick stinks at Volleyball.Theory 5: They lose because Colin is playing and judg-

ing.Theory 6: They lose because Colin is fake news and it’s

rigged (they said it, not me).Theory 7: They lose because I [Theo] haven’t been able

to play for them yet. Editor’s Note: I doubt Theo will help.Theory 8: They lose because Colin cheats and makes

bad calls on purpose.As you can see, there are a lot of things wrong with the

Interns and CITs Volleyball team (and also apparently with Colin’s refereeing). This also means that, like every year, all we can do is close our eyes and pray that the CITs and Interns win, or, if you’re one of the scarce Staff fans, try to avoid angry mobs of CIT and Interns’ fans and blend in with the crowd.

My Favorite Parts of the Musical

By Anna McDonald, 11.2My first favorite part of the play was when Violet

exploded because it was so funny when she turned into a blueberry. My second favorite part was when Mike Teavee went into the TV and he did lots of crazy things. It was also funny when his mom took him out of the TV and he was so small and his voice sounded so weird. My third favorite part was when Charlie found the golden ticket. It was also funny when kids kept finding a golden ticket, and Cherry (the news reporter) went around the world so quickly and interviewed each kid who found one. My fourth favorite part was when Willy Wonka gave Charlie his whole factory and Charlie was so happy. My fourth favorite part was when Grandpa Joe could walk again. I liked when he could walk because he walked a little funny and everyone was so happy. I also wonder…. how could he go to the bathroom if he was stuck in his bed for forty years? My fifth favorite part was when the girl went into the nut room and danced with the squirrels who then tore her apart. It was a very funny play...my favorite so far!

Do you need a house? Of course you do! You’re a child, and you don’t want to be living with your parents like any other kid! But you don’t have any money because you’re just a small child with no income! You only have allow-ance! So, buy a house made of plaster and cardboard for only 99 cents! It’s also made by a kid, so you’re sup-porting your peers! Buy it! You won’t be able to fit into it, but you CAN buy it! Get a house!

(ad by Georgia Lupinacci, 12.4)