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Victims, Villains and Heroes Managing Emotions in the Workplace. Don Phin, Esq. Business and employment practices attorney since 1983. President, Employer Advisors Network, Inc. Developer of the HR That Works program endorsed by Vistage and used by 2700+ companies. - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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Victims, Villains and Heroes
Managing Emotions in the Workplace
Victims, Villains and Heroes
Managing Emotions in the Workplace
• Business and employment practices attorney
since 1983.
• President, Employer Advisors Network, Inc.
• Developer of the HR That Works program
endorsed by Vistage and used by 2700+
companies.
• Author of three books on management.
• More than 300 presentations to executives.
• Live in Coronado, Ca
• Married with 3 sons.
Don Phin, Esq.Don Phin, Esq.
Shakespeare said…Shakespeare said…
All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances.
And one man in his time plays many parts.”
As You Like It
Victim Villain Hero
The Plot
Portrait of a VictimPortrait of a Victim
• grief
• powerlessness
• low self esteem
• submissiveness
• anguish
• fearfulness
• suffering
• pain & suffering
• hopelessness
• feeling rejected
• incapacity
• naiveté
• fragility
• dependency
• depression
• “culture of silence”
Underneath the Victim’s Pain Lies…
Underneath the Victim’s Pain Lies…
• vulnerability
• devotion
• faithfulness
• receptivity
• gratefulness
• love
• sensitivity
• tenderness
• purity
• sweetness
• appreciation
• caring
Why Do We Play Victim?Why Do We Play Victim?
…because it feels good!
Becoming a VictimBecoming a Victim
• born that way
• traumas in youth
• workplace history
Dark Side of the VictimDark Side of the Victim
• dishonest
• irresponsible
• compulsive
Victims in the WorkplaceVictims in the Workplace
• 100 year battle
• control is main theme
• manifested in legal system
1900’s1900’s
1900’s1900’s
1930’s1930’s
RaceRace
AgeAge
SexSex
DisabilitiesDisabilities
DilbertDilbert
Lawsuit Explosion!Lawsuit Explosion!
• thousands of claims
• employees win more than half
• lottery like mentality
Portrait of a VillainPortrait of a Villain
• uncaring
• selfish
• addicted
• charming
• scheming
• moves with great speed
• cruel
• flattering
• arrogant
• seductive
• intolerant
• draining energy
Positive Side of the VillainPositive Side of the Villain
• fun• adventurous• clever• mischievous• great
communicator
• risk taker• great negotiator• wealthy• irresistible• takes what he or
she wants
But… it never lasts!
Making of a VillainMaking of a Villain
• tired of being a victim
• sucked in by a villain
• shut down their feelings
• hurl their pain at others
Villains in the WorkplaceVillains in the Workplace
• bosses
• harassers and abusers
• consultants
Bosses & Other ReptilesBosses & Other Reptiles
Never Work for a JerkNever Work for a Jerk
Handling the Serious VillainHandling the Serious Villain
• avoid the physical
• use inner strength
• expose them
• get help!
What Role Do You Think You Play??
What Role Do You Think You Play??
Portrait of a HeroPortrait of a Hero
• caring
• powerful
• persevering
• helpful
• responsible
• idealistic
• honest
• in control
• determined
• compassionate
• sacrificing
• inspiring
• giving
• disciplined
• humble
• self-sacrificing
The Making of a HeroThe Making of a Hero
• the drive to triumph
• hero role models
• motivated by a cause
• extreme circumstances
Dark Side of the HeroDark Side of the Hero
• over-controlling• gullible• always exhausted• feels justified in
being angry • gives but can’t
receive• own’s others
problems
• overly idealistic• obsessive• perfectionist• neglects family for
“the cause”• detached from
feelings• murderous
Heroes in the WorkplaceHeroes in the Workplace
• union organizers
• lawyers and legislatures
• enlightened leaders
The Drama of WorkThe Drama of Work
• it’s a thriller
• at least two players
• rush to play the victim role
All 3 LieAll 3 Lie
Convict the LiarConvict the Liar
• feels unfair
• gather evidence
• ignites the triumph energy
You own 100% by yourself.
Relating at 50/50Relating at 50/50
Emotional InequalityEmotional Inequality
• 20%’rs (victims)
• 80%’rs (villains)
• 80%’rs (negative heroes)
The 20/20 RelationshipThe 20/20 Relationship
The 80/80 RelationshipThe 80/80 Relationship
The 80/20 RelationshipThe 80/20 Relationship
The 40/40 Relationship
Moving From 20% to 40%Moving From 20% to 40%
• coax, encourage and inspire
• focus on the efforts first
• you can’t save all
Moving from 80% to 40%Moving from 80% to 40%
• stop running
• become inclusive
• have faith!
BobBob
The KidThe Kid
Speaking For YourselfSpeaking For Yourself
• YOU, YOU, YOU
• use “I” words
• ask them to speak about their experience, not yours
Baby, Light My Fire Baby, Light My Fire
• procrastinate
• hurl your pain
• use their energy
Avoiding ConflictAvoiding Conflict
• “wow, that’s interesting!”
• get out of the line of fire
• walk and breath
Resolve Differences by…Resolve Differences by…
• wanting to resolve
differences
• we are both good people
• agreeing in advance
Remember this…Remember this…
… the role of the hero is to
allow others to become
their own heroes!
The RewardsThe Rewards
• the end of Ground Hog Day
• becoming our own hero
• living happily ever after
SummarySummary
• be aware of The Plot
• Goodness Triumphs Over Evil
• emotional heart space
• play 40/40!
VictimsVillainsandHeroes.comVictimsVillainsandHeroes.com
Contact InfoContact Info
• www.donphin.com
• www.hrthatworks.com
• (800) 234-3304