Verbal Verbal JudoJudo

MARTIAL ARTS FOR THE MIND AND MARTIAL ARTS FOR THE MIND AND THE MOUTHTHE MOUTH

TACTICAL COMMUNICATIONTACTICAL COMMUNICATIONFor ProfessionalsFor ProfessionalsSgt Tricia TheinSgt Tricia Thein

Marshalltown Police DepartmentMarshalltown Police Departmentpthein@ci.marshalltown.ia.us

641-754-5725641-754-5725

What is Verbal JudoWhat is Verbal Judo

A A tactical, physical skilltactical, physical skill, designed to soften , designed to soften an adversary’s resistance to your an adversary’s resistance to your authorityauthority..

A learned skill-not naturally created-A learned skill-not naturally created- Verbal Judo Verbal Judo DEFLECTS DEFLECTS and and REDIRECTSREDIRECTS the the

negativenegative energy of an opponent in order to energy of an opponent in order to gain controlgain control of a situation. of a situation.

The ultimate purpose is to keep The ultimate purpose is to keep YOU saferYOU safer, , and the needs of your community met. If and the needs of your community met. If you are not safe, and the community feels you are not safe, and the community feels un-served, everything else is irrelevant.un-served, everything else is irrelevant.

VERBAL JUDOVERBAL JUDO

A skill that many have had for many years-A skill that many have had for many years-

either they didn’t know iteither they didn’t know it

it didn’t have a fancy nameit didn’t have a fancy name

they were considered good PR peoplethey were considered good PR people

--Unconscious competenceUnconscious competenceThis is now recognized as a learned skill, orThis is now recognized as a learned skill, or

--Conscious competenceConscious competence

Identifying Identifying Communication Communication

BarriersBarriersDrugs, alcohol fear, financial Drugs, alcohol fear, financial

strain, personal strain, personal experience/bias, rage, mental experience/bias, rage, mental illness………..to name just a illness………..to name just a

few…few…

Examples of Barriers…Examples of Barriers…

Barriers, cont'dBarriers, cont'd

Communication BarriersCommunication Barriers

Barriers continuedBarriers continued

Barriers make Barriers make communication communication more difficult-not more difficult-not impossibleimpossible

We are the We are the professionalprofessional

We control the We control the situation situation

Barriers-WeaponsBarriers-Weapons

Mental Health Issues

Mental Health cont'd

Know What You Can Do...(and do it!)

Other Barriers-language/cultural/religi

ous

All of these things create safety All of these things create safety issues that the professional must issues that the professional must assess immediately.assess immediately.

Know your limitsKnow your limits

Know when to call police, or at least Know when to call police, or at least other office assistance other office assistance

Non escalatoryNon escalatory interaction is easier interaction is easier to deal with than to deal with than de-escalationde-escalation

We all know what the We all know what the “bad guy”“bad guy” looks looks like…like…rightright??

What do our Violent Offenders look like?

Violent offenders continued

Violence continuedViolence continued

• Where and When did the communication Where and When did the communication break down?break down?

• When did violence become the acceptable When did violence become the acceptable alternative to communication?alternative to communication?

WORD COMPWORD COMP ANTICIPATE VS EXPECTANTICIPATE VS EXPECT

((L. anticipareL. anticipare) means to see beforehand and move to ) means to see beforehand and move to preventprevent

((L.expectareL.expectare)means to wait for-suggesting greater )means to wait for-suggesting greater rigidity of responserigidity of response

Consider approaching three males on a corner-Consider approaching three males on a corner-expecting the one on the right to give you the most expecting the one on the right to give you the most trouble-2 min later, the one on the right is most trouble-2 min later, the one on the right is most troublesome-when you expect trouble you generate it! troublesome-when you expect trouble you generate it!

KNOWKNOW……your audience will reflect back to you what your audience will reflect back to you what you put out-three times in intensity (we all are you put out-three times in intensity (we all are generally able to protect ourselves from the perceived generally able to protect ourselves from the perceived threat-what about the one we didn’t see coming?threat-what about the one we didn’t see coming?

GOOD NEWS!GOOD NEWS!

• NO ONE EXPECTS THE IMPOSSIBLE-USE YOUR BEST NO ONE EXPECTS THE IMPOSSIBLE-USE YOUR BEST CONCEALED WEAPON- YOUR BRAIN-AND RECOGNIZE.....CONCEALED WEAPON- YOUR BRAIN-AND RECOGNIZE.....

• That the goal to professional intervention is to gain-That the goal to professional intervention is to gain-

• Voluntary complianceVoluntary compliance

THE CONTACT THE CONTACT PROFESSIONALPROFESSIONAL

CONTACT-IN LATIN TRANSLATES TOCONTACT-IN LATIN TRANSLATES TO:: WITH SKILLWITH SKILL We all have weaknesses-do not react to We all have weaknesses-do not react to words, but respond to needswords, but respond to needs

Customer Service Reps (city Customer Service Reps (city employees)employees) are the ultimate in the are the ultimate in the contact professional-ongoing training contact professional-ongoing training with the tools needed to do the job with the tools needed to do the job effectively-verbal skills being the most effectively-verbal skills being the most commonly used.commonly used.

ProfessionalisProfessionalismm

We treat people like ladies and We treat people like ladies and gentlemen not necessarily because they gentlemen not necessarily because they

are but because we are-are but because we are-North Dakota Highway PatrolNorth Dakota Highway Patrol

Verbal judoVerbal judoThe art of generating voluntary The art of generating voluntary

compliancecompliance Officer (employee) safetyOfficer (employee) safety Enhanced professionalismEnhanced professionalism Fewer citizen complaints (P.A.C.E.)Fewer citizen complaints (P.A.C.E.) Decreased vicarious liabilityDecreased vicarious liability Lower stress on the job and at home Lower stress on the job and at home

(L.E.A.P.S.)(L.E.A.P.S.) Increased effectiveness in courtIncreased effectiveness in court Improved morale-Improved morale-LOOKSLOOKS GOOD, SOUNDS GOOD-FEELS GOODGOOD, SOUNDS GOOD-FEELS GOOD

(less conflict between actions and moral values) (less conflict between actions and moral values)

City Council Belief City Council Belief Statements:Statements:

We believe everyone has the responsibility We believe everyone has the responsibility to make a positive contribution to improve to make a positive contribution to improve our community and quality of life.our community and quality of life.

We believe that city government will at all We believe that city government will at all times provide excellent service.times provide excellent service.

We believe our decisions should encompass We believe our decisions should encompass immediate needs immediate needs and a visionand a vision of the future. of the future.

We respect our employees and place a high We respect our employees and place a high value on the contribution and value on the contribution and accomplishments they provide to the accomplishments they provide to the community. We will keep in mindcommunity. We will keep in mind

City Council Belief City Council Belief Statements ContinuedStatements Continued

The differences between department heads The differences between department heads and elected officials.and elected officials.

It is our intent to make objective decisions It is our intent to make objective decisions based on understanding facts, trust, and based on understanding facts, trust, and community input.community input.

We believe that it is essential for the city We believe that it is essential for the city government to provide information to the government to provide information to the community in a timely manner, which builds community in a timely manner, which builds mutual trust and understanding.mutual trust and understanding.

We believe EVERYONE deserves respect and We believe EVERYONE deserves respect and a safe clean city.a safe clean city.

ETHICSETHICSThe rules or standards governing the The rules or standards governing the

conduct of a person or the conduct of a person or the members of a profession.members of a profession.

CITY EMPLOYEE=PUBLIC TRUSTCITY EMPLOYEE=PUBLIC TRUST

(SHOULD BE)(SHOULD BE)

HAVE THE COURAGE TO BE WHO HAVE THE COURAGE TO BE WHO YOU REPRESENTYOU REPRESENT

GOAL OF PROFESSIONAL GOAL OF PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTIONINTERVENTION

TO LOOK CREATIVELY AT CONFLICTTO LOOK CREATIVELY AT CONFLICT USE WORDS TO DEFLECT NEGATIVITY USE WORDS TO DEFLECT NEGATIVITY

-REDUCE ESCALATION--REDUCE ESCALATION- RECOGNIZE THE 5 CONDITIONS WHEN WORDS RECOGNIZE THE 5 CONDITIONS WHEN WORDS

FAIL-FAIL- -S.A.F.E.R. -S.A.F.E.R. AVOID NATURAL LANGUAGE/PERSONAL FEELINGSAVOID NATURAL LANGUAGE/PERSONAL FEELINGS EMPLOY EMPAHTY,MAINTAIN SELF CONTROL, EMPLOY EMPAHTY,MAINTAIN SELF CONTROL,

STAY IN CONTACT WITH THE NEEDS OF THE STAY IN CONTACT WITH THE NEEDS OF THE DEPARTMENT & YOUR AUDIENCE (THE PUBLIC)DEPARTMENT & YOUR AUDIENCE (THE PUBLIC)

PUT WORDS ON TARGET-KNOW HOW YOU ARE PUT WORDS ON TARGET-KNOW HOW YOU ARE PERCEIVED, YOUR DELIVERY STYLE, AND THE USE PERCEIVED, YOUR DELIVERY STYLE, AND THE USE OF PARAPHRASINGOF PARAPHRASING

Words as a force Words as a force optionoption

98% of law enforcement encounters are 98% of law enforcement encounters are handled by handled by professional professional presence/wordspresence/words

ShowtimeShowtimeIf you can look fearless when scared-you If you can look fearless when scared-you

can look concerned when irritated!can look concerned when irritated!

Solution:Solution:Take charge of those things in your Take charge of those things in your

personal and professional lives that you personal and professional lives that you can control.can control.

Things to be controlled on duty/at work:Things to be controlled on duty/at work:

Integrity,Integrity, professionalism,professionalism, and how well we and how well we do the job we are assigneddo the job we are assigned..

These things that law enforcement or other city employees deal These things that law enforcement or other city employees deal with/or DO NOT deal with, can create an environment full of PTSD-with/or DO NOT deal with, can create an environment full of PTSD-feeding the pitbullfeeding the pitbull

**Law Enforcement officers are rated #3 in suicides, but new **Law Enforcement officers are rated #3 in suicides, but new statistics are showing that our children are rising to the #1 positionstatistics are showing that our children are rising to the #1 position

Escalate/de-escalateEscalate/de-escalate

based on:based on:

a. subject’s actionsa. subject’s actions

b. Totality of circumstancesb. Totality of circumstances

c. Perceived threat levelc. Perceived threat level

d. Reaction time (additional d. Reaction time (additional office help, or police)office help, or police)

S.A.F.E.RS.A.F.E.R.. SSecurityecurity

AAttackttack FFlightlight EExcessive repetitionxcessive repetition RRevised prioritiesevised priorities -Dr. George J. Thompson-Dr. George J. Thompson

If the first two apply, it ain’t your fish to fry-call police-if If the first two apply, it ain’t your fish to fry-call police-if flight is the issue, let them go, the last two is where you flight is the issue, let them go, the last two is where you

will spend most of your time.will spend most of your time.

Three options for allThree options for all

Fight Fight -continue arguing-continue arguingFlight Flight -just give up/leave-just give up/leaveSurrender-Surrender-letlet YOU winYOU win

Fourth option-Fourth option-Go with dignity Go with dignity WIN WIN WINWIN WIN WIN

Tactical 8-stepTactical 8-step Greeting SAMEGreeting SAME Identify self/department SAMEIdentify self/department SAME Reason for stop (pause) How can I help Reason for stop (pause) How can I help Justification for violation Ask for additionalJustification for violation Ask for additional Request for identification Always Get thisRequest for identification Always Get this Additional information Address/phoneAdditional information Address/phone Decision SAMEDecision SAME Close SAMEClose SAME

Three types of peopleThree types of people102 different cultures in u.s.102 different cultures in u.s.

1)1) NiceNice (always agrees-non confrontational “just wanna get (always agrees-non confrontational “just wanna get along”/single keyed individuals-still marked by the erosion of trust along”/single keyed individuals-still marked by the erosion of trust for our profession)for our profession)

2)2) DifficultDifficult (always says no the first time you ask them to do (always says no the first time you ask them to do something, but somewhere around the 2, 3, or 4 time, when handled something, but somewhere around the 2, 3, or 4 time, when handled properly, 9 out of 10 will comply-multi-keyed-always ask why)properly, 9 out of 10 will comply-multi-keyed-always ask why)

3)3) SneakySneaky (will act nice when you are standing (will act nice when you are standing there-wimps/wolves in sheep’s clothing/single keyed individuals, there-wimps/wolves in sheep’s clothing/single keyed individuals, surrounded by the cloud of illusion)surrounded by the cloud of illusion)

Difficult people always want to know why where do you get your Difficult people always want to know why where do you get your authority-greed-”what’s in it for me”authority-greed-”what’s in it for me”

TREAT ALL PEOPLE THE SAME-KNOWING THAT NICE IS NEVER A PROBLEM, TREAT ALL PEOPLE THE SAME-KNOWING THAT NICE IS NEVER A PROBLEM, SNEAKY ARE ALWAYS A PROBLEM, AND DIFFICULT PEOPLE ARE THE SNEAKY ARE ALWAYS A PROBLEM, AND DIFFICULT PEOPLE ARE THE ONES THAT WE CONTACT THE MOST OFTEN-KNOWING THAT YOU ONES THAT WE CONTACT THE MOST OFTEN-KNOWING THAT YOU CONTACTED THEM IN PRECISE UNBIASED FASHION WILL MAKE CONTACTED THEM IN PRECISE UNBIASED FASHION WILL MAKE CLAIMS OF INAPPROPRIATENESS UNSUBSTANTIATED!!!CLAIMS OF INAPPROPRIATENESS UNSUBSTANTIATED!!!

Dis-empower resistanceDis-empower resistance

Insults strengthenInsults strengthen(your opponent)(your opponent)

Courtesy weakensCourtesy weakens Explaining why/what you’re doing increases Explaining why/what you’re doing increases

safety and sets a tone of respectsafety and sets a tone of respect Allowing people to save face doubles safety Allowing people to save face doubles safety

directly and collaterallydirectly and collaterally RememberRemember-a skillful employee will overcome the -a skillful employee will overcome the

resistance of a difficult person 9 out of 10 times, resistance of a difficult person 9 out of 10 times, after 3 or 4 attempts.after 3 or 4 attempts.

PLAYING THE PLAYING THE ROLEROLE

Your voice Your voice (tone, pace, pitch,(tone, pace, pitch, modulation)modulation) and and other non-verbal language other non-verbal language (a.k.a. your (a.k.a. your

“verbal personality” or delivery style/body“verbal personality” or delivery style/body language)language) account for account for 93 %93 % of your of your impactimpact on on others others ((whatwhat they hear from you-and how they will they hear from you-and how they will reactreact))

The content of what you say (facts,reasons,evidence) The content of what you say (facts,reasons,evidence) account for only 7% of your impact. account for only 7% of your impact. lying loses lying loses credibilitycredibility

Most complaints are generated on a “tonal” Most complaints are generated on a “tonal” basis-he/she was rude to me-they didn’t listen-they basis-he/she was rude to me-they didn’t listen-they didn’t take me seriously-they treated me like I was didn’t take me seriously-they treated me like I was stupid, etcstupid, etc

Performing artPerforming art Not paid to express true feelingsNot paid to express true feelings we are paid to impact the community we are paid to impact the community

positivelypositively Our script is the law-local state and federal, Our script is the law-local state and federal,

and the city council belief statements-and the city council belief statements-among othersamong others

““the dissatisfied customer” does not the dissatisfied customer” does not dictate who you are to be, but may have an dictate who you are to be, but may have an impact on the role you need to playimpact on the role you need to play

When resistance increases, so does our When resistance increases, so does our performanceperformance

What are you getting?What are you getting? Watch out for contradictions in the body language of Watch out for contradictions in the body language of

those you are speaking to. They indicate true intent.those you are speaking to. They indicate true intent. KNOW the danger signs:KNOW the danger signs: Backing or turning awayBacking or turning away Looking around (escape or weapon)Looking around (escape or weapon) Voice changesVoice changes Hiding handsHiding hands Do not lose focus after gaining initial Do not lose focus after gaining initial

cooperation!cooperation!

SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST! SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST!

New Five Step Hard StyleNew Five Step Hard Style

Ask Ask ”could I ask you to….””could I ask you to….”

Set context Set context “Let me tell you why..”“Let me tell you why..”

Present options “Present options “You have some good You have some good options”options”

Confirm “Confirm “Is there anything I can say..”Is there anything I can say..”

Act Act escalate or disengageescalate or disengage S.A.F.E.R.S.A.F.E.R.

4 appeals4 appeals Ethical Ethical professional presenceprofessional presence

11stst step ….ask step ….ask Rational Rational (not useful unless calm)(not useful unless calm)

22ndnd step ….set context step ….set context Personal Personal Selfish interests; jobSelfish interests; job money,timemoney,time

33rdrd step ….present options step ….present options Practical Practical out of the box solutionsout of the box solutions

44thth step ….confirm subject’s commitment step ….confirm subject’s commitment to current positionto current position

optionsoptionsOffering choices is not a weakness-Offering choices is not a weakness-

THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX SHOWS THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX SHOWS FOCUSED ATTENTION ON INDIVIDUAL FOCUSED ATTENTION ON INDIVIDUAL ISSUES-generates a feeling of being ISSUES-generates a feeling of being heard.heard.

Be positive. Be specific.Be positive. Be specific.You can be positive and specific with a smileYou can be positive and specific with a smile

Helpful face/Helpful attitude/perceived as helpfulHelpful face/Helpful attitude/perceived as helpful

Key Words For Office Key Words For Office SafetySafety

If all employees were on the same If all employees were on the same page with verbal cues, safety page with verbal cues, safety

increases because the consistent increases because the consistent verbal cues are recognized and verbal cues are recognized and

can be acted on prior to can be acted on prior to escalation!!escalation!!

ExamplesExamples ““Is there anything I can sayIs there anything I can say ( a cue to imminent danger)( a cue to imminent danger) Show timeShow time (proactive, ethical intervention)(proactive, ethical intervention)Following the same script/on the same Following the same script/on the same

page/creating level of understanding page/creating level of understanding and cooperation amongst co-and cooperation amongst co-workers…..workers…..

SHOWTIMESHOWTIME

PERSONAL SATISFACTION WHEN:PERSONAL SATISFACTION WHEN: THE OFFICER PERFORMS (THE OFFICER PERFORMS (RE-spondsRE-sponds) )

RATHER THAN RATHER THAN RE-actsRE-acts Makes the employee Makes the employee SAFERSAFER because it because it

is not personal-is not personal- Makes daily interaction with the public Makes daily interaction with the public

a challenge that is positive rather than a challenge that is positive rather than negativenegative

DOING THE RIGHT JOB THE RIGHT DOING THE RIGHT JOB THE RIGHT WAY AND WINNING EVERY TIME!WAY AND WINNING EVERY TIME!

EgoEgo

When ego goes upWhen ego goes up

power and safety go downpower and safety go down

If it feels good-then it’s If it feels good-then it’s no good!no good!

Natural reaction=confrontation Natural reaction=confrontation (disaster)(disaster)

Studied response=cooperationStudied response=cooperation

Verbal judo=increased safetyVerbal judo=increased safety

WORD COMPARISONWORD COMPARISON ASSERTIVEASSERTIVE (L.assertus) means to have (L.assertus) means to have

a positive influence upona positive influence upon AGGRESSIVEAGGRESSIVE (L.aggressus) means to (L.aggressus) means to

attack, to push one’s personality upon attack, to push one’s personality upon anotheranother Think of an officer entering your home Think of an officer entering your home

aggressively, ordering you to sit down aggressively, ordering you to sit down (heard as rude) vs. an officer being assertive (heard as rude) vs. an officer being assertive in your home, “I know this is your home, but in your home, “I know this is your home, but for your safety and mine could I ask you to for your safety and mine could I ask you to have a seat so we can talk about what is have a seat so we can talk about what is going on here?”going on here?”

Natural language vs Natural language vs Studied ResponsesStudied Responses

Hey you, come here….Hey you, come here….

vs.vs.

Can I chat with you?Can I chat with you? I’m not gonna tell you againI’m not gonna tell you again

vs.vs.

Let me tell you why its important……Let me tell you why its important…… What’s your problemWhat’s your problem

vs.vs.

How can I help?How can I help?

WORD COMP.WORD COMP.

RERE (L) means to come back to-to return (L) means to come back to-to return Re-actingRe-acting is allowing the action to control you is allowing the action to control you Re-spondRe-spond (L respondere)- (L respondere)-re-answer-re-answer-suggests suggests

greater controlgreater control

COMMUNITIES WANT RESPONSIVE VS COMMUNITIES WANT RESPONSIVE VS REACTIVE OFFICERS AND CITY EMPLOYEES REACTIVE OFFICERS AND CITY EMPLOYEES ON THEIR STREETS AND MANNING THE ON THEIR STREETS AND MANNING THE OFFICES-THEY SHOW GREATER CONTROL!OFFICES-THEY SHOW GREATER CONTROL!

Verbal Judo=Verbal TacticsVerbal Judo=Verbal Tactics

Tactical communicationTactical communication Skillful use of language to achieve professional objectives.Skillful use of language to achieve professional objectives.

Tactical empathyTactical empathy projecting understanding to overcome adversarial projecting understanding to overcome adversarial

resistanceresistance

Tactical CivilityTactical Civility Portraying a concerned, respectful demeanor, regardless of Portraying a concerned, respectful demeanor, regardless of

personal feelings, as a means of generating voluntary personal feelings, as a means of generating voluntary compliancecompliance

Verbal Judo=Verbal TacticsVerbal Judo=Verbal Tactics

Personal face personal face Personal face personal face one up contestone up contest

Professional personal faceProfessional personal face face face win-winwin-win

Leave your ego at home-become who you need to be to get Leave your ego at home-become who you need to be to get the job done in a professional manner!the job done in a professional manner!

Street TruthStreet TruthPeople never say what they meanPeople never say what they mean

what they say:what they say:

EFF you! You can’t do that!EFF you! You can’t do that!What they mean:What they mean:

I’m scared. I’m embarrassed. I can’t think I’m scared. I’m embarrassed. I can’t think straight.straight.

Ex:Ex: You can’t shut my water off-I always pay You can’t shut my water off-I always pay my bill=what will I tell my kids-how did I my bill=what will I tell my kids-how did I let this happen-I feel like a bad parentlet this happen-I feel like a bad parent

Trigger GuardsTrigger GuardsIdentifyIdentify your your weaknesses, the things that weaknesses, the things that

make you mad-make you mad-triggerstriggers. Name them. . Name them. Associate them in your mind with Associate them in your mind with something you can control, laugh at, something you can control, laugh at, minimizeminimize..

By defining and recognizing your triggers, By defining and recognizing your triggers, you can effectively disarm them by you can effectively disarm them by building your own trigger guard.building your own trigger guard.

Trigger GuardsTrigger Guards

Just because you have Just because you have oneone doesn’t mean the doesn’t mean the trigger isn’t there-it is just made trigger isn’t there-it is just made safe….stops you from being manipulated safe….stops you from being manipulated by your own weaknesses…by your own weaknesses…

AUDIENCESAUDIENCES AUDIENCES ARE MADE, NOT FOUNDAUDIENCES ARE MADE, NOT FOUND PEOPLE WILL PEOPLE WILL ALWAYSALWAYS SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY

THAN YOUTHAN YOU THE SCENE DYNAMIC CHANGES AUTOMATICALLY THE SCENE DYNAMIC CHANGES AUTOMATICALLY

WHEN WHEN YOUYOU ENTER THE SCENE-or they bring it to ENTER THE SCENE-or they bring it to youyou

THE AUDIENCE REFLECTS BACK TO YOU THE AUDIENCE REFLECTS BACK TO YOU 3 TIMES3 TIMES THE INTENSITY THAT YOU PROJECTTHE INTENSITY THAT YOU PROJECT

REMEMBER THAT MOST PEOPLE WE DEAL WITH REMEMBER THAT MOST PEOPLE WE DEAL WITH ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING-ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING-

RAGE, ALCOHOL, FINANCIAL PRESSURE, BIAS, FEAR, RAGE, ALCOHOL, FINANCIAL PRESSURE, BIAS, FEAR, FATIGUEFATIGUE

* Don’t use mimicry. It is simply insulting.* Don’t use mimicry. It is simply insulting.

How are you being How are you being perceived…perceived…andand

Would you want your family-parents, Would you want your family-parents, wife/husband, children, friends, wife/husband, children, friends, clergy, media……..clergy, media……..

……………….to perceive you that way?.to perceive you that way?

Remember the local video stud-they Remember the local video stud-they may have a chance on you-tubemay have a chance on you-tube

Allow attitude to drift-focus on Allow attitude to drift-focus on behaviorbehavior

SaySay what you what you wantwant

dodo what I what I saysay

I have the last I have the last actact

I I givegive you the last you the last wordword

ReRe--spect vs. respectspect vs. respect performed earnedperformed earned A studied response (remaining calm, using A studied response (remaining calm, using

professional language) allows the officer to professional language) allows the officer to remain tactical and gather information so that remain tactical and gather information so that he/she can be who they need to be to he/she can be who they need to be to accomplish their goals.accomplish their goals.

When the goal of “winning” is eliminated the When the goal of “winning” is eliminated the focus is redirected to dealing with the focus is redirected to dealing with the underlying issues, defusing anger, and creating underlying issues, defusing anger, and creating workable solutions that allow your opponent to workable solutions that allow your opponent to “save face.”“save face.”

Lack of RE-spect will cause those you just Lack of RE-spect will cause those you just dissed to want revenge-you do NOT have to feel dissed to want revenge-you do NOT have to feel respect, but you have to SHOW RE-spectrespect, but you have to SHOW RE-spect

Principals of Dis-interestPrincipals of Dis-interest Always keep your professional faceAlways keep your professional face

Always treat others as you would want to be Always treat others as you would want to be treated, under identical circumstancestreated, under identical circumstances

Never inflate people with adrenaline or Never inflate people with adrenaline or righteousnessrighteousness

Flexibility is strength/rigidity is weaknessFlexibility is strength/rigidity is weakness

Redirect rather than resistRedirect rather than resist

Respond rather than reactRespond rather than react

DISINTEREST cont’dDISINTEREST cont’d

Everyone believes they have good Everyone believes they have good reason for what they doreason for what they do

People care about knowing why: People care about knowing why: therefore, set context and explain whytherefore, set context and explain why

Bad words color good deeds negativelyBad words color good deeds negatively

SHOWTIMESHOWTIME IS A GREAT REMINDER TO IS A GREAT REMINDER TO GO BACK TO YOUR PROFESSIONAL GO BACK TO YOUR PROFESSIONAL FACE IF YOU ARE BEING FACE IF YOU ARE BEING MANIPULATED…..MANIPULATED…..

Dealing with angerDealing with anger Feeling chronically angry, or impulsively overreacting Feeling chronically angry, or impulsively overreacting

on a routine basis….on a routine basis….talk to a counselor about what talk to a counselor about what might be fueling your inappropriate emotions.might be fueling your inappropriate emotions.

Leaving an angry situation….Leaving an angry situation….try to take an try to take an emotional time-out, a brief break, before emotional time-out, a brief break, before moving on to the next encounter.moving on to the next encounter.

Feel yourself getting angry during an encounter….Feel yourself getting angry during an encounter….ask ask yourself if it’s appropriate to the “face” you yourself if it’s appropriate to the “face” you need-or if some street-wise subject is trying to need-or if some street-wise subject is trying to persuade you into losing control. persuade you into losing control.

--Force Science Research InstituteForce Science Research Institute****Verbal Judo is a tool to be used at home, at work, and Verbal Judo is a tool to be used at home, at work, and

with the public-be aware of PTSD-or the puppy barking with the public-be aware of PTSD-or the puppy barking inside-deal with the puppy instead of waiting for the inside-deal with the puppy instead of waiting for the BIG DOG to come out!BIG DOG to come out!

AutogenicAutogenic(tactical)(tactical)breathinbreathingg

(BASED ON TECHNIQUES DEVELOPED BY CALIBRE PRESS AND GARY (BASED ON TECHNIQUES DEVELOPED BY CALIBRE PRESS AND GARY KLUGIEWICZ)KLUGIEWICZ)

*Three times:*Three times: * In through the nose for 4-count* In through the nose for 4-count

* Hold for 4-count* Hold for 4-count

* out through the lips for 4-count* out through the lips for 4-count

* Hold for 4-count* Hold for 4-count

* Attitude is contagious* Attitude is contagious* Panic is contagious* Panic is contagious

* calm is contagious* calm is contagious

* Can “INFLICT” BREATHING ONTO * Can “INFLICT” BREATHING ONTO OTHERSOTHERS

WWW.KILLOGOY.ORG COPYRIGHTED BY DAVE GROSSMAN-AUTHOR OF COPYRIGHTED BY DAVE GROSSMAN-AUTHOR OF “ON KILLING”“ON KILLING”

Contagious MindsetContagious Mindset

Consider that your body language as you Consider that your body language as you make contact is the make contact is the First Impression-First Impression-cannot erase this!cannot erase this!

Basic Concepts are simple-Basic Concepts are simple-

Treat others as you would want to be Treat others as you would want to be treated if you were the treated if you were the victim/complainant/dissatisfied victim/complainant/dissatisfied customer- If you were a victim, how customer- If you were a victim, how would you want to be handled? Your would you want to be handled? Your wife? Your mother? Your child?wife? Your mother? Your child?

Contagious cont’dContagious cont’d

SMILE-SMILE-

What do you have to smile about?What do you have to smile about?1-you are alive1-you are alive

2-In a land of 8+% unemployment rate and growing-you 2-In a land of 8+% unemployment rate and growing-you have a jobhave a job

3-You have a job where you have a chance everyday to 3-You have a job where you have a chance everyday to make a differencemake a difference

4-You have a health plan!4-You have a health plan!

5-You have a Defined Pension Benefit plan-less than 5% 5-You have a Defined Pension Benefit plan-less than 5% of the private sector has a Defined Pension Benefit of the private sector has a Defined Pension Benefit PlanPlan

***Out of all these #3 is the best reason to smile***Out of all these #3 is the best reason to smile

L.E.A.P.S.L.E.A.P.S.TOOLS FOR GENERATING VOLUNTARY COMPLIANCETOOLS FOR GENERATING VOLUNTARY COMPLIANCE

LISTEN-LISTEN-MORE IMPORTANT TO LOOK INTERSTED THAN BE MORE IMPORTANT TO LOOK INTERSTED THAN BE INTERESTEDINTERESTED

EMPATHIZE-EMPATHIZE-DON’T SYMPATHIZE-BUILD GROUND TO DON’T SYMPATHIZE-BUILD GROUND TO STAND ONSTAND ON

ASK-ASK-5 DIFFERENT TYPES OF QUESTIONS5 DIFFERENT TYPES OF QUESTIONS

PARAPHRASE-PARAPHRASE-feed them back their own informationfeed them back their own information

SUMMARIZE-SUMMARIZE-CLEAR CONCISE AUTHORATATIVECLEAR CONCISE AUTHORATATIVE

NON-SEQUENTIAL-ONGOING AND NON-SEQUENTIAL-ONGOING AND CHANGING CHANGING - -DR. GEORGE J. THOMPSONDR. GEORGE J. THOMPSON

LEAPS cont’dLEAPS cont’d

Listening-what we do as we wait for Listening-what we do as we wait for our turn to interrupt/say our side, etc?our turn to interrupt/say our side, etc?

Listening should be open and unbiased-hear literally Listening should be open and unbiased-hear literally what they are saying to you, interpret accurately what they are saying to you, interpret accurately what you heard, and then act appropriately!what you heard, and then act appropriately!

Most people (home or work) will tell you Most people (home or work) will tell you what they need from you if you simply what they need from you if you simply listen-DO NOT use the listening phase listen-DO NOT use the listening phase to think of what you are going to say to think of what you are going to say next to counter….next to counter….

KKeepeep I It t SSimple imple SStupidtupid

• You have one mouth and two earsYou have one mouth and two ears

• One you can shutOne you can shut

• Two you cannotTwo you cannot

• Listening is the MOST important tool Listening is the MOST important tool you can useyou can use

THE SECOND MOST THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT TOOLIMPORTANT TOOL

EMPATHYEMPATHYEMPATHY ABSORBS TENSIONEMPATHY ABSORBS TENSION

WORD COMPWORD COMP

SYMPATHY VS EMPATHYSYMPATHY VS EMPATHY ((L. sympathiaL. sympathia) means to share feelings ) means to share feelings

with, to be in accord withwith, to be in accord with ((L. EML. EM) to see through) to see through ((Gr. PathyGr. Pathy)) eye of the othereye of the other To see through the eye of the other-to To see through the eye of the other-to

understand as if you stood in the other’s understand as if you stood in the other’s shoes-even momentarilyshoes-even momentarily

TACTICAL EMPATHY-HUGE SKILLTACTICAL EMPATHY-HUGE SKILL

Word Comp. cont’dWord Comp. cont’d

IF WORDS MAKE SUCH A IF WORDS MAKE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN DIFFERENCE IN TRAINING………………TRAINING………………

IMAGINE THE DIFFERENCE THEY IMAGINE THE DIFFERENCE THEY MAKE TO THE UNTRAINED MAKE TO THE UNTRAINED PERSON WE ARE RESPONDING TOPERSON WE ARE RESPONDING TO

ParaphrasingParaphrasingCorrectly interpreting another’s meaning Correctly interpreting another’s meaning

and putting it into your own words.and putting it into your own words.

Why it is importantWhy it is important Clarifies intent, ensures understandingClarifies intent, ensures understanding People calm down after hearing their own wordsPeople calm down after hearing their own words Allows subject to save face-indicates fair playAllows subject to save face-indicates fair play Allows the professional to control interactionAllows the professional to control interaction Shows empathyShows empathy Allows the professional to interrupt without creating Allows the professional to interrupt without creating

frictionfriction

P.A.C.EP.A.C.E P-problem-P-problem-problem as you see it, they see itproblem as you see it, they see it A-Audience-what you project comes back times 3A-Audience-what you project comes back times 3 C-Constraints-identify obstacles in effective C-Constraints-identify obstacles in effective

communication with your subject-you can step communication with your subject-you can step around, ignore or use to your advantagearound, ignore or use to your advantage

E-Ethical presence-what face do I need to wear so E-Ethical presence-what face do I need to wear so the subject knows that I am here to help him/herthe subject knows that I am here to help him/her

Subjects should know that you are Subjects should know that you are there to help, to think for them (as there to help, to think for them (as they would 48-72 hrs later) to solve they would 48-72 hrs later) to solve the problem they are facing=the problem they are facing=

GREAT CONTACTGREAT CONTACT

DeflectorsDeflectors I ‘preciate that, but……..I ‘preciate that, but…….. (professional/objective)(professional/objective) I unerstan’ that, however…………..I unerstan’ that, however………….. I hear that, yet……..I hear that, yet……..Not all deflectors are peace phrases, but all Not all deflectors are peace phrases, but all

peace phrases are deflectorspeace phrases are deflectorsDeflectorsDeflectors allow you to jump over the allow you to jump over the

constraints and move forwardconstraints and move forwardPeace PhrasesPeace Phrases are simply appearing to ask are simply appearing to ask

for cooperation rather than demand itfor cooperation rather than demand it

Peace phrasesPeace phrases I can appreciate that…..I can appreciate that….. Can you work with me, sir………Can you work with me, sir……… You don’t need this kind of troubleYou don’t need this kind of trouble For your safety and mine………..For your safety and mine……….. What’s the matter……….What’s the matter………. Someone gave you some bad info………(careful)Someone gave you some bad info………(careful) How can I help you………..How can I help you……….. If you cooperate with me, it will be noted in my If you cooperate with me, it will be noted in my

report………report……… Sorry to hear that, sir………..Sorry to hear that, sir……….. Can I chat with you for a moment?............Can I chat with you for a moment?............

Why Peace Phrases?Why Peace Phrases? Makes you feel good-keeping your coolMakes you feel good-keeping your cool Springboard-Springboard-deflectdeflect over the insults, over the insults,

focusfocus on goal on goal Dis-empower your opponentDis-empower your opponent Sound goodSound good Buy time –for answers from other Buy time –for answers from other

departments or for assistance to departments or for assistance to arrive-CRISIS HOSTAGE NEGOTIATORS arrive-CRISIS HOSTAGE NEGOTIATORS WORLDWIDE SAY-TIME IS YOUR WORLDWIDE SAY-TIME IS YOUR FRIENDFRIEND

7 Things that Hurt 7 Things that Hurt CommunicationCommunication

1-1-Come HereCome Here-puts power and control in the -puts power and control in the hands of the other person-parent/child-can I hands of the other person-parent/child-can I talk with you a minute-said in closer quarters talk with you a minute-said in closer quarters and puts you in control of the contact.and puts you in control of the contact.

2-2-Calm DownCalm Down-makes one want to defend their -makes one want to defend their reaction to you-like there is no legitimate reaction to you-like there is no legitimate reason to be upset.-whats the matter reason to be upset.-whats the matter immediately softens your opponent-appears as immediately softens your opponent-appears as if you care..if you care..

3-3-I am not telling youI am not telling you againagain…yes you are-…yes you are-probably several times if they are a difficult probably several times if they are a difficult person-so you lose credibility and power-person-so you lose credibility and power-better might be-REMEMBER 9/10 TIMES better might be-REMEMBER 9/10 TIMES AFTER 3-4 TIMESAFTER 3-4 TIMES

““This is really important that you get This is really important that you get this point, so pay close attention to this point, so pay close attention to what I am about to tell you….”what I am about to tell you….”

4-4-Why can’t you be MoreWhy can’t you be More ReasonableReasonable--totally invalidates feelings and issue totally invalidates feelings and issue for subject-like saying “you are stupid for subject-like saying “you are stupid or you are wrong”-this invites or you are wrong”-this invites conflict- better option-”let me see if I conflict- better option-”let me see if I understand your position-and then understand your position-and then paraphrase back to the person.paraphrase back to the person.

My All Time Personal Favorite-My All Time Personal Favorite-

7 THINGS cont’d7 THINGS cont’d

BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES or BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES or THAT’S THE LAWTHAT’S THE LAW If the rules are for good reason, or the law-If the rules are for good reason, or the law- explain it-explain it- RE-specting people is telling them RE-specting people is telling them whywhy Establishes ground to stand on -Establishes ground to stand on -defines thedefines the

limitslimits of the issue at hand-your authority-and of the issue at hand-your authority-and gives ‘good reason’ top complygives ‘good reason’ top comply

Takes your EGO out of it-not just-because I Takes your EGO out of it-not just-because I said sosaid so

6-6-What’sWhat’s your problemyour problem-definitely creates -definitely creates a you vs me battle rather than an “us” a you vs me battle rather than an “us” discussion-for most people the word discussion-for most people the word problem indicates weakness-and NOONE problem indicates weakness-and NOONE wants to reveal a weakness-better wants to reveal a weakness-better choice-what’s the matter, How can I choice-what’s the matter, How can I help-I can see you are upset-help-I can see you are upset-

Gather intel from the contact-and always Gather intel from the contact-and always listen nonjudgementally.listen nonjudgementally.

7-7-WhatWhat do you want me to do about this?do you want me to do about this? Negates any responsibility-relays an I Negates any responsibility-relays an I

don’t care attitude-FLIPPANT-FULL OF don’t care attitude-FLIPPANT-FULL OF ATTITUDEATTITUDE

IF you cannot help with the issue-IF you cannot help with the issue-direct them to the office that can-if direct them to the office that can-if you do not know who to send them you do not know who to send them to-convey that you wished you did, to-convey that you wished you did, and let them know that your desire and let them know that your desire would be to assist them-would be to assist them-

At least At least performperform like assisting them like assisting them is the only thing that will send you is the only thing that will send you home from work happy today-home from work happy today-

PLAY THE ROLE-WEAR THE FACE PLAY THE ROLE-WEAR THE FACE NEEDED TO GET THE JOB DONE.NEEDED TO GET THE JOB DONE.

TALKING THE TALKTALKING THE TALKWALKING THE WALKWALKING THE WALK

The challenge to be who we representThe challenge to be who we represent Superior Service Superior Service Thinking for others as they would 48-72 hrs laterThinking for others as they would 48-72 hrs later Proactive Proactive Having a plan and knowing when to actHaving a plan and knowing when to act InnovativeInnovative The courage to support challenging tacticsThe courage to support challenging tactics Unbiased Unbiased Treating everyone with respectTreating everyone with respect Professionalism Professionalism Doing the best job possible for ourselves, our families and Doing the best job possible for ourselves, our families and

those we serve those we serve RespectRespect Earned on the job and in the house Earned on the job and in the house Integrity Integrity Effective strategies for maintaining personal composureEffective strategies for maintaining personal composure and maximizing skills and maximizing skills Dedication Dedication The ability to deflect and counter negative energy and The ability to deflect and counter negative energy and

focus on positive behaviorfocus on positive behavior Ethics Ethics Actively engaged in upholding the public trustActively engaged in upholding the public trust

Tip!!!Tip!!!

• If you find yourself responding If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone is emotionally to what someone is saying, respond with:saying, respond with:

• I may not be understanding you I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. I thought what you said personally. I thought you just said_______, is that what you you just said_______, is that what you meant?meant?

• Determine if the subject was personally attacking you, or Determine if the subject was personally attacking you, or what they feel You (agency) has not done for them. If what they feel You (agency) has not done for them. If there is a conflict personally-even if just perceived, allow there is a conflict personally-even if just perceived, allow another person if available to help the subject with their another person if available to help the subject with their problem. problem.

KKeepeep I It t SSimple imple SStupidtupid

• You have one mouth and two earsYou have one mouth and two ears

• One you can shutOne you can shut

• Two you cannotTwo you cannot

• Listening is the MOST important tool Listening is the MOST important tool you can useyou can use

FINAL THOUGHTSFINAL THOUGHTS

• You should always be honest-if possibleYou should always be honest-if possible• Do not patronizeDo not patronize• Do not minimizeDo not minimize• Know community resources in case you Know community resources in case you

are not the right stop for someone, you are not the right stop for someone, you will know where to direct them. will know where to direct them.

• Make it appear that the resolve to their Make it appear that the resolve to their issue is the most important thing for issue is the most important thing for you to take care ofyou to take care of

FINAL THOUGHTSFINAL THOUGHTS

• You have an audienceYou have an audience• Even if they are not “there” they will tell Even if they are not “there” they will tell

the story in their version like they were-the story in their version like they were-be aware of our local recording be aware of our local recording authoritiesauthorities

• Removing someone from their audience Removing someone from their audience ALWAYS behooves usALWAYS behooves us

• It gives the subject less people to perform forIt gives the subject less people to perform for• And gives you less people to perform for as And gives you less people to perform for as

wellwell

FINAL THOUGHTSFINAL THOUGHTS

Leave People Better than you found Leave People Better than you found them at their worstthem at their worst

VERBAL JUDO IS A PERISHABLE VERBAL JUDO IS A PERISHABLE COMPLEX MOTOR SKILL-IT MUST COMPLEX MOTOR SKILL-IT MUST BE REINFORCED AND PRACTICED BE REINFORCED AND PRACTICED TO BE MAINTAINED.TO BE MAINTAINED.