Validation and Empathy – Healing One Relationship at a Time with Imago Therapy

Portorož March 2009Mirabi Imago - IFTAImago Slovenija

Validation and Empathy – Healing One Relationship at a Time with Imago Therapy

Meta Tavčar, Imago couples therapist, WSP, supervisorRudi Tavčar, MBA, univ. dipl. psih. Imago couples therapist, WSP

[email protected] [email protected]

Portorož IFTA 2009

Slovensko društvo za Imago terapijo

Nova pot k ljubezni


www.imagoslovenija.net

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What shall we talk about

• Imago couples therapy basics

• The role of Imago therapist

• Structure of the conscious dialogue – the role of validation

• (Demonstration of the dialogue)

• Feedback and questions

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Imago in Slovenija and worldwide

• 7 Imago therapists, 2 educators, 25 in the process of education

• 2 WSP • 1 Imago supervisor• Since Jan 2008 –

Slovenian Association for Imago Therapy – www.imagoslovenija.net

• Imago Relationships International, Harville Hendrix and Hellen La Kelly Hunt, 3000 therapists ww

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Roots of Imago therapy

• Psychoanalysis, TA, Gestalt, Systemic relational approach, Attachment theory, …

• Cognitive approach, Choice theory

• Neuroscience and neurobiology

• Spiritual traditions of east and west

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Relationship is a living beingWe are two

Our relationship is one

The needs of the relationship are above the needs of individual

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Imago – the imprinted picture of childhood caretakers

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Power struggle

Spoznavanje

Transformation

Real love

E X I T S

Decision

Romantic

Relationship is alive and is developing

Unconscious relationship

SYMBIOSIS

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Unconscious relationship

SYMBIOSIS

Romantic phase

Insight

Transformation

Real love

POWER STRUGGLE

No aliveness and connection EXITS

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Power struggle

Insight

True love

Decision for a conscious marriage

Out of symbiosis into differentiation

DIALOGUE


Romantic phase

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Romantic phase

Power struggle

Insight into the childhood “baggage”

True loveUnmet needs

childhoud wounds

Survival strategies

Lost self

Imago

DIALOGUE


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Romantc phase

Power struggle

Spoznavanje

Transformation

True love

E X I T S

Nezavedni odnos

SIMBIOZA

Decision

DIALOGUE


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Romantic phase

Boj za moč

Spoznavanje

Sprememba Prebujenje

I Z H O D I

OdločitevDIALOG

True love


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Presumption of therapists’ work• Wounds have accrued in relationship and only in

relationship they can be healed• Conditions for lasting change of negative

behaviour: – Pre-validation– Insight and understanding of me and my partner– Partners validation and empathy – Creating of new positive habits

• Personal rational and emotional experience with conscious dialogue that provides condition for change

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The role of a therapist• Makes no diagnosis• Does not solve the conflict• Facilitates safe communicational place

between the couple for understanding of the reason that brought to the conflict

• Out of understanding teaches the couple to change the behaviour that results in a healthy (joyful and loving) relationship

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Therapist is not a therapist

Therapist is:–Facilitator of the process–Enabler and guide for the

communication between the couple

–Coach that qualifies the couple to become a “therapist” to each other

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Imago tools

• Concious dialogue

• Parent – child dialogue

• Reconstruction of frustration with behaviour change request

• Vision

• Re-romanticising

• Positive floodingTherapist in the

process of the therapy

teaches the couple to

use these tools

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Conscious dialogue – the bridge from hart to hart

Visiting the partners’ “land”

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Structure of Imago Conscious Dialogue• MIRRORING

• I heard you saying that..• Did I get you?• Is there more?

– Summary• Is this the essence?

• VALIDATION• I understand you… • and it is important …• It makes sense

because…

• EMAPTHY• And I imagine that you

might feel…

• Getting INFORMATION about the other

• UNDERSTANDING the others logic without agreeing – stepping OUT OF SYBMIOSIS into DIFFERENTIATION

• Emotions that provide the energy for BEHAVIOR CHANGE

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The result of the conscious marriage

• Safe connection• Understanding• Compassion• Recognition of the differences• Knowing thyself• Healing of the childhood wounds• Personal growth • Growth of the relationship• Becoming joyful adult


WWW.mirabi.org


www.imagoslovenija.net

A New Way To Love

Meta Tavčar, Imago couples therapist, WSP, supervisorRudi Tavčar, MBA, univ. dipl. psih. Imago couples therapist, WSP

[email protected] +386(0)41 705 [email protected] +386(0)41 726 853www.mirabi.org

Portorož IFTA 2009

Documents

Validation and Empathy – Healing One Relationship at a Time with Imago Therapy