Untitled Fantasy Script (First Draft)

7/21/2019 Untitled Fantasy Script (First Draft)

1/31

FADE IN

INT APARTMENT KITCHEN - EARLY MORNING

In a Jersey City apartment, a black cauldron bubbles withgreen liquid.

Above it lies a birdcage. A hawk sleeps inside. The wallbehind the hawk as a graduation certificate for "Wizard,First Class."

A television softly glows with light, playing a mutedinfomercial about penis pills. The walls behind it arespiraled with arcane runes.

An alarm clock stars blaring.

SLAM CUT TO

INT APARTMENT BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

KELVIN, a 25-year-old wizard, sleeps in his bed. His wizardhat is flopped over on his alarm clock. His eyes open.

KELVINFuck.

Kelvin rolls out of bed and flops on the floor.

Kelvin looks at himself in the mirror, magically using arazor to shave himself. The razor glows with a light blueaura as Kelvin idly twirls his fingers, manipulating it.

INT APARTMENT KITCHEN - EARLY MORNING

Kelvin stumbles into the kitchen, briefly glancing at thecauldron. He opens his fridge and levitates a cup of yogurtout. He spoons some into his mouth with magic, swirling twofingers in a scooping motion. The hawk softly crows, andKelvin tosses a mouse into its cage affectionately.

He tosses one yogurt cup into a garbage can. Another quicklyfollows it. Three more come in rapid succession after that.

INT APARTMENT HALL - DAY

Kelvin stands in the doorway. He takes a step outside,stops, and pats his head. Immediately, he reaches out a handand his hat flies towards him, hitting him in the face andknocking him over.

He groans, gets up, and walks out the door.


2/31


3/31

CONTINUED: 3.

DWARFNo, I aint askin for a medicalspell. I was just wondering if youknew any wizards that could takecare of it for me.

Kelvin shakes his head again, a bit faster.

DWARFCome on, ya gotta know at leastone! The last guy I went ta chargedme fifty bucks to get rid of theclap! I aint getting ripped offlike that again! Besides, this ispretty bad. I mean, look-

The dwarf starts to unbuckle his pants.

KELVIN(hurriedly)

Try doctor Wyvernborn. Hes an STDspecialist. Really good.

The elf next to him stands up and silently moves to anotherend of the car. Kelvin reaches out a hand as if to callafter her, but changes his mind. He collapses back into hisseat and huffs, wisps of flame flying out of his hat.

Both remaining parties sit in silence for a while. Kelvinsettles down in his seat, closing his eyes. His half-sleepis rudely ended when the dwarf speaks again.

DWARFYou ever been with a goblin?

KELVINNo.

DWARFYou should try it! Energetic littlebuggers. Bet you get laid all thetime, though, what with thewizarding and all.

FLASHBACK TO:

Kelvin sits at a computer in his apartment. He looks behindhim at his hawk cage. His hawk caws softly. Kelvin raiseshis hands slightly, lifting a blanket off the ground.Slowly, he drapes it over the cage. He reaches out for abottle of lotion on his desk, sighing.

BACK:

(CONTINUED)


4/31

CONTINUED: 4.

KELVINYeah. All the time.

The dwarf slaps Kelvin on the back, almost knocking him outof his chair.

DWARFThats a good lad!

Kelvins eyes wander to the attractive female elf fromearlier across the train as the dwarf continues to ramble.She smirks when she notices, and he quickly looks away.Luckily, hes rescued from the awkwardness by the trainsintercom

TRAIN INTERCOMThis stop is the 33rd streetstation.

EXT. 33RD STREET, MORNING

Kelvin walks out of the subway and into the light. Aroundhim, the city bustles. Various fantasy races walk by in thebackground, wearing modern attire.

Alarge crowd of dwarfs walk out of a bar, each holding agiant flagon of beer. Kelvin briefly glances at anadvertisement for "El Rondo Hair Cream," with the subtitleof "look like youre 700 years old again!"

Kevin takes out his phone and taps screen to reveal a map,which tells him to take a left.

Kevin walks through the city as music plays. He walks by aDRAGON SALESMAN behind a taco cart.

DRAGON SALESMANBronzewings fire-breathing salsa!Hottest salsa this side of Mexico!So hot even Lancelot couldnt slayit!

Kevin looks slightly uneasy as he passes by the cart. Helooks down at his phone, which tells him to turn left.

He looks to the left to see a deserted alley. He shrugs andwalks down it.


5/31

5.

EXT. SPOOKY ALLEY - MORNING

Kelvin walks almost all the way down the alley, whistling ashe goes. Hes stopped by a LARGE ORC with a knife.

LARGE ORCYou made a wrong turn, buddy.

Kelvin rolls his eyes, suddenly standing a bit taller.

KELVINReally, man? Do you not see thehat?

He points at his hat, gesturing towards the orc. The orcshakes his head.

ORCI dont care what kinda magic youknow, pretty boy. You gonna give me

your money or you gonna-

Kelvin swipes his hand to the right and slams the orc intothe opposite wall. The orcs unconscious body slides downthe brick, crumpling to a heap on the asphalt.

KELVINSeriously, youre a dumbass.Christ.

Kelvin walks off, continuing through the alley.

EXT LEFAY STREET - MORNING

Kelvin, re-assuming his normal slouched posture, emergesthrough the alley and comes to a crosswalk.

Groaning, he casts a flashy levitation spell (causingseveral bystanders to yell at him) and floats over thetraffic, which includes a truck full of gnomes holdingvarious gardening equipment.

He touches down in front of a large office building, made ofmetal, glass, and some sort of glowing stone. He stepsinside.

INT. LEFAY BUILDING - MORNING

Kevin walks into the building, pulling out his phone tocheck it again. His lack of attention causes him to walkinto a car-sized female dragon, RADIANTSCALES CAPUT, morecommonly known as RADE. He stumbles backwards and falls onthe floor, intimidated.

(CONTINUED)


6/31

CONTINUED: 6.

RADE(angry)

Watch where youre going-

Rade notices his hat, on the floor beside him. She rolls hereyes.

RADEOh, a wizard. Nevermind.

KELVIN(offended)

Whats that supposed to mean?

RADEYou people are always clumsy.

KELVINThats incredibly offensive.Wizards arent all-

Kelvin accidentally pulls a rabbit out of his hat whiletrying to put it back on. He sighs and opens the door,letting it hop outside. Its promptly picked up and eaten byan Orc.

KELVINThat proves nothing.

RADEMmmhhhmm.

They stand in awkward silence, waiting for the elevator.

KELVINYou work here?

RADEYes.

KELVINOh. At Lefay Holdings?

RADE(offended)

Oh, now look whos beingstereotypical! Not all dragons workwith money!

KELVIN(nervous)

Sorry. I just-I mean, its thelargest company in the building, soI assumed...

(CONTINUED)


7/31

CONTINUED: 7.

RADEIm not a broker. Im an electricalengineer at Quik-Flight.

Kelvin flinches.

KELVINWell. Guess were, uh, coworkers,then.

RADEWhat?

(beat)Oh! Youre the new magicalengineer?

Kelvin points to himself in a depressing sort of way.

KELVIN

Thats me.

RADE(sarcastically)

After what happened to the last guyIm sure that you were just jumpingat the job.

KELVINLast guy?

INT QUIKFLIGHT WIZARD OFFICE - NOON

A much older wizard is sitting at a cauldron, whichexplodes. He rockets through the air, breaks through awindow, and falls to his death.

INT LEFAY BUILDING - MORNING

RADE(smirking)

Dont worry about it.

The elevator doors open with a ding, and a few elves walkout. The elevator compartment looks too small for Rade tofit in at all, much less with Kelvin.

Kelvin looks awkwardly at Rade.

KELVINYou go first, you were here first.

(CONTINUED)


8/31

CONTINUED: 8.

RADEFirst? We can both fit in that,easily.

Kelvin looks at the elevator, then back to her. Its veryobvious that theres not enough room.

KELVINUh... Alright. So I just-

RADE(interrupting him)

Get in, Ill squeeze in after.

Kelvin walks inside the elevator, pressing himself againstthe wall. Rade slinks in after him, pinning him to the wallwith the side of her body as she curls like a snake. Shepresses the button for the top floor with a claw.

Kelvin struggles to get a breath of air. Rade ignores him,continuing to keep him pinned.

KELVIN(weakly)

C-Could you-

Rade pretends not to hear him.

RADESo, where you from?

KELVIN

(gasping for air)New Jersey. C-Can-

RADEWhere in Jersey?

KELVINAtlantic City.

RADEReally? You?

Kelvin squirms harder. Rade, in response, pushes him againstthe wall harder.

KELVINP-Please-

Kelvin is cut off by the ding from the elevators speaker.The elevator doors open...


9/31

9.

INT QUIKFLIGHT OFFICE ENTRANCE - MORNING

...revealing JOSEPH A. RENIBUS III, a dwarf with a giant,graying beard wearing a business suit. Chest hair pokes outfrom the spaces in his dress shirt. He speaks with a heavyScottish accent.

RENIBUSAh, Rade! Youre ten minutes early!

Rade hurries out of the elevator, pushing herself offKelvins body. He lets out one final "oomph" and falls onthe floor.

RADEYes, sir.

RENIBUSWorkin hard! Theres a good lass!

Renibus claps her hard on the back. This action surprisesher, causing a few wisps of flame to fly out her nostrils.

The elevator doors start to close. Kelvin notices and gasps,trying to crawl to the exit. When he sees he doesnt havethe strength, he jerks his arms backwards. A blast of magicsends him careening out of the elevator, and he lands infront of Renibus.

RENIBUSWho are you?

Kelvin looks up and tries to answer, but is panting toohard.

RADEThats the new wizard, sir.

RENIBUSReally? Scrawny little fella.

RADEThey often are, sir.

RENIBUS

Well, I dont hire him to wrestle,so I suppose thats alright.Cmere, lad!

KELVIN(getting up, panting)

Sorry-sorry for-elevator-small-couldnt breathe-

(CONTINUED)


10/31

CONTINUED: 10.

RENIBUS(scooping him into a hug)

Welcome to the Quikflight family!

Kelvin moans in agony, his chest being crushed yet again.Renibus releases him quickly, leaving him gasping on the

floor again. Renibus turns away from him and faces the otherhallway.

RENIBUSOI, WORKERS! COME MEET THE NEW GUY!

Out of the various offices come a hoard of various elves,dwarfs, goblins, and a pixie or two. They all form anorderly line in front of Kelvin.

RENIBUS(pointing at Kelvin)

Thats the new guy! Now,

(shouting)BACK TO WORK!

Just as suddenly as they entered, the workers file back intotheir respective positions. Kelvin scrambles to his feet.

RENIBUSThe old guys work is in hisoffice. End of the hall, on theleft.

(beat)Well? I dont pay ya to standthere! Get to work!

Kelvin dusts himself off as Renibus disappears into hisoffice. Kelvin walks forward and into his office. He brieflyglances at the hastily-welded steel covering where thewindow should be, then looks down at his desk.

KELVIN...Dragons. Every goddamn time.

CUT TO

INT. KELVINS OFFICE, NOON

Kelvin sits at a desk, runes spiraled out on a large sheetof butcher paper in front of him. The paper floats an inchor so off the ground. The swirls on his hat are glowing andhe sits cross-legged on his chair, deep in concentration. Inthe background, Renibus pops his head in the door.

(CONTINUED)


11/31

CONTINUED: 11.

RENIBUSOi, lad.

Kelvins hat extinguishes and falls over, covering his eyes.The paper falls onto the desk.

RENIBUS

Were gonna get lunch together. Mytreat, since we just hired yah.

Kelvin pulls his hat up.

KELVINWhen?

RENIBUSNow. Get up, lad!

Kelvin stands up, holding his hat as he does so. He followsRenibus out the room.

JUMP CUT TO

ELEVATOR

Renibus and Kelvin stand side-by-side. Kelvin adjusts hishat.

RENIBUSSo, lad. How you like working hereso far?

KELVINPretty good. I can see why youfired the last guy-those runes hewrote were outright dangerous.

RENIBUS(deadpan, shaking his head)

God rest his soul.

Kelvin looks straight ahead, unblinking.

CUT TO

INT. ROUND TABLES DINER - MIDDAY

Kelvin stands, facing a table with all the workers fromearlier. Renibus is seen chugging a huge flagon of beer. Theelven workers idly butter and eat bread. The only open seatis between an elf, who is staring at his phone, and a goblinthats enthusiastically talking with Rade, who is taking uptwo seats across from her. Kelvin grits his teeth, but takesthe seat.

(CONTINUED)


12/31

CONTINUED: 12.

GOBLINHey.

KELVINYo.

Kelvin looks around the room. Posters for strip clubs andunderground magic wrestling dot the walls.

KELVINSo, does the office eat here often?

GOBLIN(nodding)

All the time. Renibus favoriteplace, for some reason.

The goblin holds out a green hand.

GOBLINIm Alexia.

KELVIN(shaking her hand)

Kelvin.

ALEXIAWell, Kelvin, Im really glad tomeet you! Im in the programmingdepartment, so I guess well beseeing a lot of each other.

KELVINOh, cool.

Alexia points at the elf sitting on Kelvins right.

ALEXIAThats Ronwind. Hes an electricalengineer.

Ronwind briefly looks at Kelvin, nods, then goes back to hisphone.

ALEXIAAnd thats Rade!

Neither party extends a hand (or claw) to shake.

KELVIN(with a tinge of anger)

Weve met.

(CONTINUED)


13/31

CONTINUED: 13.

RADEYes, this morning. I was tellingyou about it.

Alexia giggles.

ALEXIAMust have forgot!

RADEI told you literally two secondsago.

ALEXIAI forget things easily.

Kelvin shrugs and looks down at his menu. "Free Elven MagicBread" is sprawled across the top in a large banner. Themajority of the menu is taken up by a huge column listing

the beer sold, all of which has some sort of pun for a name.

KELVINWell, theyre certainly big on thealcohol.

(under his breath)Explains why theres so many dwarfsin here.

RONWIND(still looking at his phone)

They dont have a liquor license.

KELVINWhat?

RONWINDLook. None behind the bar.

Kelvin looks, and sees that its true. Theres no noticedisplayed anywhere.

KELVINIsnt that... like, super illegal?

RONWINDYes. Better hope the police dontshow up.

At that exact instant, a policeman bangs on the door.

POLICEMANOpen up! We have your outfit,Graniewheat!

(CONTINUED)


14/31

CONTINUED: 14.

Ronwind sighs, tilting his head upwards. He stands up.

RENIBUS(from across the table)

Calm down lads! Its probably ajoke!

POLICEMANYouve been operating this placewithout paying taxes for two years!You and everybody else involved inthis little scheme is under arrest!

RENIBUSOk, stop being calm. Panic!

Pandemonium breaks out. The dwarfs in the bar start pilingchairs and tables in front of the doors.

Kelvin stands with the other three people in the corner ofthe bar.

KELVIN(shouting so the people nextto him can hear)

But-we did nothing illegal!

RONWINDYou think that matters?

KELVINIt should! Right?

Rade snorts with laughter, flames coming out her nostrils.

RADEYou dont know the NYPD.

Renibus runs into view, panting, before Kelvin can respond.

RENIBUSSorry, boys, I made a mistake. Weall gotta get outta here.

KELVINIs there a back exit?

RENIBUS(nervously)

Sort of.

(CONTINUED)


15/31

CONTINUED: 15.

KELVINSo, where is it?

RENIBUSBelow the bar. It goes to Merlinstunnels.

Kelvin starts furiously shaking his head. Hes agitatedenough that his hat glows slightly.

KELVINOh no. I am not going in there.Merlins tunnels are a death trap!Theres a reason they closed themoff in the 50s!

RENIBUSWell, ya pussy, would you rather goto jail for the night? Fancy having

an orc as a bunkmate? I hear theylike scrawny fellas like you!

Kelvin loudly groans.

KELVINFine. Wheres the entrance?

RENIBUSOver behind the bar. Granites gotthe trapdoor open.

(beat)Well dont just stand there! MOVE!

Kelvin and the others sprint to the bar, diving over the topin unison. As they do, the police manage to break down thedoor, swarming the room with orc officers.

CUT TO

INT. MERLINS TUNNELS - AFTERNOON

The tunnels are totally dark. A series of footsteps areheard, as well as the beating of wings. After a few seconds,it stops.

RADEThink we lost them?

KELVINThink we lost ourselves.

(CONTINUED)


16/31

CONTINUED: 16.

ALEXIA(disturbingly cheerfully)

I have no idea where we are! Ididnt even know Merlin had anytunnels until three minutes ago!

RONWINDKelvin, please tell me you know alight spell.

KELVINOh, yeah.

Kelvin swooshes his arms around. A second later, a smallball of light appears in the room. Alexia has a huge, toothygrin on her face.

ALEXIA(almost yelling)

Hey Kelvin?

KELVIN...Yes?

ALEXIAIf Im going to die in a series ofgod-forsaken tunnels Id REALLYlike to know what they are!

Rade wraps a wing around Alexias shoulder.

RADE

Calm down.

ALEXIAIM CALM!

Ronwind rolls his eyes.

KELVINThe tunnels of Merlin were builtduring prohibition, back before theman himself disappeared. He usedthem to smuggle in wine so he couldwrite spells properly.

RADEWhy do you need wine to writespells?

KELVINMerlin did. He was a notoriousalcoholic. Jesus, do they even

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


17/31

CONTINUED: 17.

KELVIN (contd)teach history of magic innon-wizard high schools?

Rade tilts her head.

RADE

Wait, you went to wizard highschool? But, if you lived inAtlantic City, the only-

KELVINI commuted. Anyway, the tunnels areenchanted. Constantly changingpaths, so the cops couldnt trackhim down them.

RONWINDSo theres some kind of map, sopeople could deliver it without

getting lost, right?

KELVINNope. No map.

ALEXIAWHAT?

KELVINMerlin was a brilliant wizard butnot the best planner.

ALEXIANO HE WASNT. NEITHER ARE YOU.

Rade uses the wing to tuck her in a bit closer.

ALEXIAI GUESS IM NEVER GETTING MARRIEDAFTER ALL! HA HA! WERE ALL GONNADIE!

KELVINCalm down. Were probably ok. Justgotta find an exit, right? And we

got a big, badass wizard-

RONWINDDont kid yourself

KELVIN(ignoring him)

...and a big, scary,very-willing-to-crush

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


18/31

CONTINUED: 18.

KELVIN (contd)people-until-they-cant-breathedragon. Besides, its not liketheres anything particularlydangerous down here.

Rade slaps herself on the forehead with a wing.

RADEGods, of course you would say that.

KELVINWhat?

RADESomething dangerous is bound toappear now. Theres no way in hellyoure going to get away with thiswithout dying.

RONWINDI have to say I agree. You justscrewed us.

ALEXIA(with child-like intonation)

THANKS YOU ASSHOLE

Kelvin crosses his arms.

KELVINCan we please just get moving?

RADESure. While we still can.

Kelvin steps off with practiced precision. The others followclose behind him. They walk about ten feet, then turn acorner.

There, they encounter a SPHINX, sitting in the middle of thehallway.

SPHINXFoolish mortals!

ALEXIAOH GOD

SPHINXYou have disturbed my sleep!

A huge metal slab slams down behind the group, blockingtheir exit. Kelvin rolls his eyes.

(CONTINUED)


19/31

CONTINUED: 19.

SPHINXAnswer my riddle and you pass!Fail... and I shall eat you alive!

Flames rise from previously unseen torches, throwing theroom into stark light. The Sphinx takes a deep breath.

SPHINXWhat has four legs in the-

KELVIN AND RONWIND (SIMULTANEOUSLY)(cutting her off)

Its a man.

SPHINXWhat?

KELVINThats the classic riddle.

Seriously. When was the last timesomebody got it wrong?

SPHINXUh... never. Im actually quitehungry.

RADEWe really dont care. Let us pass.

The Sphinx grumpily moves out of the way, its stomachgrowling. The group walks on through.

KELVINSee? Not even hard.

RADEI know were going to screw up.

FADE TO

INT. MERLINS TUNNELS WEST - EVENING

The group stumbles forward, slogging along. They look a bitdisheveled.

RADEDo you have any idea where an exitmight be?

KELVINAgain. Designed by Merlin. Merlingoing through alcohol withdrawals.Its not easy to find an exit.

(CONTINUED)


20/31

CONTINUED: 20.

Kelvin steps over a skeleton, not paying any attention toit. Alexa follows behind, trying not to throw up.

RONWINDTheres a dragon up there.

Rade tilts her head.

RADEAnd how do you know that?

RONWINDElf. Night vision.

RADEIs he a big dragon?

RONWINDFemale, I think. And about as big

as you.

Rade turns to Kelvin.

RADEAny idea why the hell would she bedown here?

KELVINThe hell you asking me for?

RADEChrist, can we avoid her? Please?

KELVINWhats the matter?

RADEDealing with other women is hardenough when theyre not crazyweirdos who live underground.

RONWINDShe could be lost like us.

Ronwind squints, looking off into the distance again.

RONWINDScratch that, shes wearing ashredded hoodie covered in somekinda stains and...

He leans forward slightly.

(CONTINUED)


21/31

CONTINUED: 21.

RONWIND...three different hats.

ALEXIAWhat kind of hats?

RONWINDBaseball caps.

ALEXIAWhat teams?

Ronwind squints even harder.

RONWINDYankies, a "fuck north dragons"--

Rades glare intensifies and she hisses.

RONWIND...and a "orcs are better in bed."Theres something else too...

Ronwinds eyes go wide.

RONWINDOh Christ shes in heels.

RADEHow tall?

RONWIND

Stilettos.

ALEXIAKelvin, you know anything thatwould kill her from this far away?

KELVINIm not jut gonna murder her!

ALEXIAShe has an ICP hat on!

RADEShe has a point, its not reallythat big of a loss for the world.

KELVINIm not killing anybody.

(CONTINUED)


22/31

CONTINUED: 22.

RONWINDHm. Shes flying at us.

Kelvin bends his knees, facing forward. He raises one hand.

KELVIN

How fast?

RONWINDVery.

KELVINOh, Christ.

The other dragon comes into their view. True to Ronwindsdescription, shes wearing a red hoodie thats seen betterdays and three different hats. The look in her eyes is wildand crazy.

KELVINOh Christ.

Rade settles to the ground, digging her claws into thestone. A wisp of flame comes from her mouth.

RADEIll take care of her.

KELVINNo, I got it.

RADE

Like hell you do! Shes-

The advancing dragon stops flapping, skidding to a haltright in front of the group.

FEMALE DRAGONYou my guys?

Rade and Kelvin share a look.

FEMALE DRAGONYknow. Craigslist. That you?

KELVINUh... No. Thats not us.

FEMALE DRAGONGah!

She rolls over onto her back, almost crying.

(CONTINUED)


23/31

CONTINUED: 23.

FEMALE DRAGONThey was supposed to be here threehours ago!

KELVINWho?

RONWINDDrug dealers.

Kelvin spins around to face Ronwind.

KELVINWhat?

RONWINDUnderground tunnels, specificallydesigned to avoid the cops? Cmon.Plus, look at her.

Kelvin looks down at the dragon. In the harsh light of hisspell, several open sores are obvious on her face.

RONWINDMeth. Definitely meth.

RADENo, not meth. Shes on Bronzecoal.

RONWINDBronzecoal?

KELVINDragon-specific drug. Made from,ironically, lead and coal. And abunch of spells, of course. Sameeffects as meth, muchlonger-lasting, much easier tomake.

The female dragon perks her head up, looking at Kelvin.

FEMALE DRAGONYou know how to make Bronzecoal?

KELVINIts like... a third class spell.Yeah.

RADEThe hell did you learn that?

(CONTINUED)


24/31

CONTINUED: 24.

KELVIN(lying)

Elective in college.

FEMALE DRAGONYknow, I got, uh, some lead and

some coal. Or could get. Maybe youcould...

She suggestively lets her voice trail off, tilting her headdownwards. Kelvin shakes his head.

KELVINNo way in hell.

The dragon looks between Kelvin and Rade. With asurprisingly quick beat of her wings, she flies over the topof them and grabs Alexa, holding a claw up to her neck.

ALEXIAOh, of course!

FEMALE DRAGONI really, really need somebronzecoal. Right now.

KELVINHoly shit, are you serious?

FEMALE DRAGONYeah. Yeah, I am.

RADELet her go!

FEMALE DRAGONNope.

Rade turns to Kelvin. She uses a wing to spin him around,away from the other dragon. She keeps the wing up, coveringhis head and torso. Kelvin is too surprised to do anything.

RADEYou know any spells here?

KELVINNothing that wouldnt also hurtAlexa.

RADE...Hurt her how bad?

(CONTINUED)


25/31

CONTINUED: 25.

KELVINHospital for a month or so,probably? Anything strong enough toknock her out of that bitchs clawsbefore she can kill her is gonna beunpleasant.

Rade stomps a foot.

RADEDammit.

KELVINWhat? Its not that long. Seemslike a good option to me.

RADELast time she was in the hospitalshe made me watch her dogs.

KELVINSo?

RADEChihuahuas.

KELVINOh.

(beat)You strangle them too?

RADE

Not the time, magic-boy.

FEMALE DRAGONWhat are you talking about? Dontyou try anything, or...

Rade quickly spins Kelvin back around, plastering a fakesmile on her face.

RADEOh, I was just convincing him tomake some bronzecoal for you.

FEMALE DRAGONGood. Cmon, exits right up there.

They walk forward together for about a hundred yards. Thefemale dragon stops in front of an oddly-shaped rock on thewall and pushes it with confidence.

Nothing happens.

(CONTINUED)


26/31

CONTINUED: 26.

The female dragon recoils in surprise and presses it again.Then again. Then again. Each press receives equally noresponse.

FEMALE DRAGONOh, shit.

KELVINWhat?

FEMALE DRAGONThe exits not working.

KELVINIts--these are the tunnels ofMerlin! They constantly re-arrangethemselves! How could you be this-

FEMALE DRAGON

Look here, buddy.

She withdraws the claw from Alexia.

FEMALE DRAGONIf you think that I am going to letyou sit here...

Alexia looks at Kelvin, who shrugs.

FEMALE DRAGON...and lecture me on these tunnels,youve got another thing coming.

Ive been...

Alexia slips out from the dragon and walks behind Kelvin.Instantly, a torrent of flame vaporizes the female dragon,singeing Kelvin. A small flame appears on his hat, which hequickly puts out.

RONWINDWell. That... works.

Rade walks to the small pile of ash where the other dragonused to be. She pokes it with a foot.

RADEThink I should report this?

KELVINI wouldnt bother.

(CONTINUED)


27/31

CONTINUED: 27.

ALEXIAYou just killed her!

She holds up a hand to Rade.

ALEXIAThanks!

Rade accepts her offer and gives Alexia a high-five.

ALEXIANow we can leave, right?

KELVINNope. Still stuck down here. Cmon.

Kelvin walks forward, stepping over the pile of ash. Radefalls into step next to him.

KELVIN

(begrudgingly)Thanks for the assist.

RADEDont mention it.

KELVINRather impressive fire breath.

RADE(playfully)

Be glad I didnt use it on you.

INT. MERLINS TUNNELS SOUTH WEST - NIGHT

The group sits in a large cavern. The walls are plasteredwith graffiti. Mostly peoples names, but theres drawing oftwo big-breasted elves hugging a dwarf in one corner.

Kelvin lays on the floor. His eyes are sunken into theirsockets, and hes incredibly pale.

ALEXIAWere so going to die down here.Ive resigned myself to the fact.

Kelvin coughs.

KELVINMy god I wish we had the chance toeat food before this happened.

The ball of light levitating in front of him flickers.

(CONTINUED)


28/31

CONTINUED: 28.

KELVINIm running out of magic here,guys.

RONWINDYouve been casting "ball of light"

for six hours. How are you almostout?

KELVIN"Ball of light," and thoseexplosion spells for those giantants, and I conjured that bridge.Besides, I was re-writing runes forthree hours before that! Runes afucking moron wrote, I might add.

RONWINDWhat?

KELVINIf you mis-read a single wordtrying to cast it it would haveexploded.

RADEReally? I thought he jumped.

Kelvins light goes out.

KELVINWell, shit.

Rade blows a wisp of flame into the air, momentarilyilluminating the room again. She glances at Kelvin beforeeverything goes dark.

RADEGuess we better get going. Tunnelsarent going to get us out bythemselves.

RONWINDPerhaps we should sleep untilmorning.

RADEYeah, no. Were getting out now.

Theres a scuffling noise as the members get up. Rade letsout another wisp of flame. Kelvin stays on the floor.

(CONTINUED)


29/31

CONTINUED: 29.

RADEKelvin.

KELVIN(weakly)

Yeah?

RADECan you walk? I can carry you ifneed be.

KELVINNo, I got it.

The pitiful sounds of a weak struggle echo through the room.

RADEYou dont have it.

KELVIN

...Fuck, youre right.

Rade blows another wisp of flame. She uses the light toscoop Kelvin onto her back with a wing.

The group starts walking forward. Rade lets out a wisp offlame, revealing more graffiti on the stone walls.

RONWINDWhy so much graffiti?

KELVINMaybe were close to an exit?

A faint rumbling is heard in the distance.

KELVINOr something horrible. Probably thesecond thing.

ALEXIAIt sounds like a train.

KELVINI guess getting hit by a train isbetter than starving.

ALEXIA(cheerfully)

Yeah! Way to keep a positiveattitude!

Rade lets out another flame. A smile grows on her face.

(CONTINUED)


30/31

CONTINUED: 30.

RADEIm pretty sure thats the subwaytunnel.

KELVINOh my god Im not dying.

The group comes to a wooden door. Rade kicks it over with aclaw.

On the other side is a subway maintenance walkway. The groupsteps through.

INT 33RD STREET STATION, NIGHT

The group steps out of a door labeled "staff only." Rade hasa bit of trouble squeezing through but manages to do sowithout knocking off Kelvin.

Kelvin glances at a map. He sees that its his station and

slips off the dragons back.

KELVIN(wispering)

Thanks.

RADE(wispering)

Dont mention it.(beat)

Seriously, dont.

Kelvin nods, then turns to the other two.

KELVINThis is my station. Its late. Imgoing home.

RONWINDYou sure you dont need food?

KELVINIll be fine.

A train arrives. Kelvin waves to is co-workers and walks onboard, sitting down. He closes his eyes.

DWARFHey, lad!

Kelvins eyes jerk open in horror. He looks to his left.

The dwarf from the previous subway ride is sitting there.

(CONTINUED)


31/31

CONTINUED: 31.

DWARFI saw you earlier. Walking out ofthat door.

The dwarf claps Kelvin on the back.

DWARFSee ya took my advice with thatgoblin! Went above and beyond witha dragon and an elf at the sametime! In public too!

Kelvin looks forward. He rests his head on a hand.

FADE OUT

Documents

Untitled Fantasy Script (First Draft)