PHILLIP LANDUA

Current address: Contact Info:Earth, Milky Way Galaxy Phil.Landua@gmail.com Age: Twenty-something-ish (920) 944-4899

“PROFESSIONAL” EXPERIENCE

October 2014- Perfecting my Christopher Walken ImpressionPresent Owner/janitorial staff assistant

Establishing. new LINES, of dialogue. On, the daily. Plumbing.

June 2000- Ruler of the EarthJuly 2013 King

Please do not call for references

May 2006- Denny’s December 2012 Server

Strengthened communication skills by connecting with customers and making a positive impression in a limited timeframe

Honed time management and organizational skills to guarantee outstanding service for every customer

January 1990- PunsPresent Teller of

Been there, punned that. My career is a joke. Get it? Because, like, making puns for a living means my career is

literally a joke AND my career has been humiliating so it’s a figurative joke. It’s a pun.

ADDITIONAL EXPERIENCE

2010-2014 Community YMCA Rec Intramural Coed League Ages 9-12Basketball team Was a captain and made the all-conference team*

2012-2013 MENSA InternationalMember** Totally solved all ‘dem problems

1492,1776, Time1945,2095 Traveler

Time travelled

*That’s a lie. I made honorable mention team*****I looked at the cover of one in my Dentist’s office while moving it off the Good Housekeeping magazine

***No, I didn’t. I didn’t even make the team

Yeah, there’s a page 2, because I am bold.

EDUCATION:

SKILLSMade this in Microsoft Word with only several Youtube tutorial videos in assistance

Can make a mean peanut butter sandwich. Have succeeded in peanut butter AND jelly before, but can definitely be iffy (I’d rather just stay jIFFY )

Speling

Thumbs

Making a face like I just saw two people making out on a train or something, IDK I really haven’t figured out when I could actually use it or what it even looks like. I don’t look at mirrors. They freak me out. It’s like, I raise my right hand, but my reflection raises their left hand? Wat is up wit dat??? But yeah, that face I make, you should see it. It’s pretty silly. That’s what my mom says at least

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Exceptional communication skills, both written and verbal