Volume 25, Number 3 • May & June 2010 • A publication of the Women’s Community Center of San Luis Obispo County • Cover: “Botanica,” encaustic mono print by Anne Stahl

2 Women’s Press May & June 2010Women’s Press

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• Voices, views and visions of the women of San Luis Obispo County, California • 6000 free copies distributed in SLO County • Subscriptions are available

• Managing Editor / Courtney Brogno / womenspress.slo@gmail.com • Layout & Design / Ashley Kircher & Benjamin Lawless • Advertising Team / Rene Sante & Benjamin Lawless / renesophia@yahoo.com • Website Administrators / Matthew Dixon & Benjamin Lawless

• Sonia Paz Baron-Vine • MaryAine Curtis • Inglis Carre-Dellard • Ruth Cherry • Jeanie Greensfelder • Laura Grace • Judythe Guarnera • Hilda Heifetz • Lisa Pimental Johnson • Lisa Jouet • Angie King • Heather Mendel • Jen Mowad • Berta Parrish • Robin Rinzler • Adele Sommers • Jill Turnbow • Andrea Zeller

• Berta Parrish • Jane Hill • Judith Bernstein • June Beck • Kathleen Deragon • MaryAine Curtis • Monica Rosecrans • Shairee Collins • Shantel Beckers • Suzanne Delinger • Renee Sante

Articles, essays, opinion pieces, letters, artwork, poetry wanted & appreciated. The Women’s Press reserves the right to edit all submissions for content, clarity & length. Contact womenspress.slo@gmail.com or call 805-544-9313. Submissions will also be posted online at www.womenspress-slo.org. The opinions expressed in the Women’s Press are those of the authors & do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Women’s Community Center. The Women’s Community Center does not necessarily endorse products or services advertised in the Women’s Press.

The Women’s Community Center of San Luis Obispo County, founded in 1974, under the name Women’s Resource Center, exists • to educate, enlighten, and empower women and their families in San Luis Obispo County by helping them seek new ways to express and develop themselves • to be a center for the repository and exchange of information of interest and concern to women through workshops, seminars, classes and other outlets; • to facili-tate communication with other women’s resources both locally and nationally. WCC produces the Women’s Press in furtherance of these goals.

Women’s Community Center of San Luis Obispo County • A 501(c)3 not-for-profit public corporation • PO Box 15639, San Luis Obispo CA 93406 • Office located at 4251 S. Higuera St., #800, San Luis Obispo CA 93401 • (805) 544-9313 • wccslo@gmail.com • www.wccslo.org • wccslo.blogspot.com

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Courtney’s Quill

Cover Artist Anne StahlAnne Stahl was born in Germany in 1968, but spent the forming years of her life in Dublin, Ireland. She has represented Ireland nationally and internationally on many occasions, one of which was in a meeting with former US president Bill Clinton. Today Stahl lives and works in San Luis Obisop. Stahl is represented and collected throughout the US and Europe. Stahl’s work will be on show at the Steynberg Gallery in San Luis Obispo in the fall, along with new work by Lorna Teixeira.

For more information: Website: www.annestahl.comE-mail: don@annestahl.com

“A sought-after artist on both sides of the Atlantic, Stahl’s dedication to her art, and to the natural world it springs from, is reflected in her painstaking technique, her subtle palette and her goal to inspire us to see Nature in a new light. As other critics have said. Her paintings really grow on you.”—Neil Collins, Irish Art Review

If you remember last issue, I made the state-ment that I was going to start a gratitude journal on my birthday. Well, the week before my birthday, I bought a new journal. It sat on my desk awaiting my writings. However, a day or two before my birthday, I looked at my new journal and then I looked at all the other journals I’ve started. I said to myself: Who am I kidding? I’m not going to write in this journal every day.

This realization made me angry; I really, really wanted to start being more conscious of all the good in my life. So I took a bold step. I started a blog. I devoted myself to blogging every day, no matter what, one thing—hopefully more—that I was thankful for during the day. Deciding on writing a public blog made me feel more committed.

And so far, so good. Every night, I write something that I am thankful for. As of today, I have written 45 posts. It’s been easy at times to find something to be grateful for, and incredibly difficult on other occa-sions. One thing I’ve noticed over these thankful days: my mood is improving and I’m noticing little things in my life that have gone unnoticed for far too long.

And so I am going to extend my gratitude from blogging about my daily activities to that of Women’s Press:

• I am thankful that women in this com-munity have a forum to voice their opinions and observations. The women who began Women’s Press 25 years ago certainly extended their wisdom to gen-erations of readers who have followed.

• I am thankful for all our writers, con-tributors, and volunteers. These fine

people do not get paid a cent, and yet they continue to submit articles, wisdom, and time. Some of our writers have been submitting articles for years now, all in the hopes of changing lives. They will surely be paid by the multitudes in karma.

• I am thankful to the Women’s Community Center for continually supporting our small press. In the past few months they have been particularly helpful to me as they have taken over all the aspects of managing Women’s Press that tend to bog me down: paying bills, finding ad reps, and overall reaching out to the community when I am unable to. Having a full-time job and two kids plus managing Women’s Press was wearing me down a bit. They stepped up to the plate to help me out, and I am forever grateful for that!

• I am thankful for our designers. This paper would be coming to you hand-

written if it weren’t for them. This issue, Ashley Kircher has taken over for Ben Lawless. Our dear and beloved Ben has found himself at a rather busy time in his life: recently married and a new and awesome job have left him little time to commit fully to Women’s Press, so he’s taken a leave of absence. He is sorely missed. The only thing that makes his departure so much more manageable is Ashley. Ashley has taken over with new ideas and an abundant knowledge base. I am thankful to have her on board.

• I am, finally, thankful for all you who read and cherish Women’s Press. We certainly hope we are making a positive difference on your lives. Keep reading and inspiring us to continue to serve you.

Courtney Brogno

3Women’s Press May & June 2010 Body & Soul

Rest in the Emptiness By June Beck

I thought it was me he referred to, me the reason for the look on his face, me like almond butter spread thick over the whole lot. My husband ends up so covered in me he has to leave the room, take a shower.

Limit the knee-jerk reactions and notice the empty spaces.

It’s easy to notice them while meditating —those gaps between thoughts (“My foot’s asleep”) and action (wiggling the toes).

However.

A driver cuts me off. Am I calm as if observ-ing a storm cloud? A co-worker insults me. Do I relax as if the sun sets before me? A loved one snaps at me. Am I curious, as I would be at the spicy scent of a Jeffrey Pine?

“Are you going to wear those shoes?” my husband asks, staring at my Chocos.

I don’t see any spaces. I know he thinks my shoes look wrong even though curiosity would be more apt to inspire awareness.

“Why do you ask,” I could have asked. “’Cause I’m going to wear my Chocos, too,” he might have answered.

An empty space existed between what he said and my reaction, a space full of possi-bilities. I’m the one who filled it with me.

Easy to practice on the cushion and in nature—Ah, those mindful walks—but the real challenge? Relationships.

I used to think loving myself meant others needed to accept whatever I needed to say or do—as long as I didn’t abuse anybody, of course. Intimacy, the in-to-me-see definition so popular with self-help culture in the 90s, validates American cultural propensity to value the individual and, therefore, the indi-vidual’s right to self-express. All I have to do, then, is let my husband “see” me.

But what if he doesn’t like what he “sees?” Do we self-express ourselves into a fight? What happens to our right to self-expression if we don’t?

As it turns out it, intimacy has more to do with the ability to rest in the empty spaces.

Some call that giving the other person the benefit of the doubt but that often comes after a reaction and attempts to erase or mitigate it. Resting means noticing the empty space before it’s filled and that requires practice. Most of us aren’t aware the spaces even exist. We’ve been mindlessly filling them for so long, we don’t even know what to look for.

Slow down and feel that compulsion to self-express. When noticing happens, squeeze a breath into that empty space. That’s a start.

At first the empty spaces inspire fear and anxiety—so easy to fill those spaces with fear, worry thoughts, and fidgeting. Over time discover the pleasure of relaxing in the emptiness: Joy emanates from the wellspring of compassion, equanimity, generosity, and loving-kindness.

June Beck teaches English and writes

on the Central Coast of California.

By Heather Mendel

Does evolution change consciousness or does consciousness change evolution? Like any spiritual conundrum, the answer to the dilemma is— yes!

Our inner and outer realities mirror each other as part and parcel of one single process. In the midst of the radical trans-formation that is the present moment, it is fascinating to see the reflection of inner and outer worlds. We have at least two alterna-tives ways of responding to change. If our inner reality is based on fear, we step back and try to hold fast to the past that, like soft dry sand, is slipping through our fingers. We want to retain the known and familiar. The ‘tea-party’ movement is an excellent example of this phenomenon. If, on the other hand, we are courageous, optimistic and believe in a positive future, we are willing to take a chance and leap into the unknown, with faith that all will be well as a new reality is unfolding.

Life is mysterious and full of surprises. During the height of the apartheid years in South Africa, it was accepted that when the change would come, a bloody revolution was inevitable. A futurist I knew predicted that ‘as went South Africa, so would go the world.’ Miraculously it seems, the change actually came peacefully. Nelson Mandela was the right man for the moment, and his efforts were strengthened by the efforts of some 10,000 individuals who helped forge a new culture based on the principles of conflict resolution. Unseen and unknown to most, they worked their magic and the results are incredible. If that futurist was correct, it is auspicious for the world community.

In American public life, transforma-tive change is happening too, despite the apparent polarized divisions. Conflict res-olution offers an alternative and new way of finding common ground in areas of dispute. In the personal realm, mediation is becoming a valid alternative to the destruc-tive nature of the power play that is part of

divorce. Publicly, the present Obama admin-istration is demonstrating that attempting to reach consensus is a worthy goal, despite some who attempt to thwart the process. New ways of debate and decision reaching are possible. The ongoing specious debate by pro-choice and anti-choice proponents is being reframed. Just as no one is ‘anti-life,’ neither is anyone ‘pro-abortion.’ The issue is about a woman’s right to determine her future and that of her family. A way to bring opposing sides together is to look at what values they share—in this case, neither group wants any unintended pregnancies and so they can come together to focus attention and efforts on pregnancy preven-tion or adoption advocacy.

Don Beck’s teaching on spiral dynamics is a wonderful basis to start seeing how we function in society. He shows how as indi-viduals and communities we evolve, initially aware only of our basic needs for survival, and then open to the developmental stages of awareness of the magical, followed by an

egocentric world view. As we mature we pass from an authoritarian model, to become to community builders, who acknowledge that responsibility is essential to corresponded with rights we claim, and ultimately hope to realize oneness, wholeness and cooperation. We are all at different point on the journey, individually and communally, and when hoping to assist others, can respectfully find way to understand what they need in order to find ways to work together to bring about peaceful change.

With a rapidly changing reality influenced by climate, technology, and access to infor-mation, natural evolution offers us the opportunity to awaken to the multilayered nature of reality and in so doing, assist the evolution our own consciousness, finding answers to the perennial questions of the spiritual seeker: who am, why and I here, and where am I going?

http://www.dancinginthefootstepsofeve.com

Evolutionary Consciousness

Photo by Aschwin Prein

4 Women’s Press May & June 2010Body & Soul

The Right to Choose in Life and DeathBy MaryAine Curtis

The last stop on life’s journey is a topic that isn’t discussed much in our society. Dying is an unspoken part of life, and as I grow older, it is becoming a more frequent event. I am learning more about dying and have been at the bedside as Death came to call, helping in-laws and my own parents pass over. I joined the Twilight Brigade Hospice for Veterans training to learn more. Life and death are sacred and beautiful. Not understanding dying feeds fear of it.

Do you ever wonder where we go when we die? I do. The options offered to me as I grew up seemed horrible, neutral, or heavenly with white robes, harp music, and sitting on clouds.

What if “heaven” is exactly what we make it up to be? If that’s possible I’d like trees, warm springs, books, and magic. I’m an optimist and expect good things to happen. If I die feeling good, then I may land in the oasis. If I die suddenly while angry, upset or in fear, it would be very different. I may get stuck in that unpleasant space for a while.

Warriors, our military, first responders, all give their life for us. Sadly they may take memories of their tragedies and Post Traumatic Stress

with them when they die. It may cycle over and over, making them unable to move to another level in the afterlife.

I recently read a book called People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead. A therapist found a way to communicate with dead people through pos-sessing live people’s bodies. He helped the dead people realize they were dead and choose to go to the light with their loved ones that were already there. The live client felt instantly better.

If we don’t talk about what happens when we die how will we know what to do? This book says that when we get to the next level and still see our body, we are in another dimension and don’t realize we are dead. They may become ghosts, frustrated that they can’t open doors any more.

The study of near death experiences has a common theme that people go to the light and there are familiar people or angels greeting the person passing over. The NDE person gets sent back, to complete a purpose here. Dannion Brinkley was the first to reveal his story of a near death (he died 3 times) and he has helped the world understand more about death with Dr. Raymond Moody studies of him.

A cord has been struck within me to understand more about what happens. It removes fear and

enables me to accept death as a normal part of life allowing the soul to go home. It offers me a choice that resonates more with my spirit. Dannion talks about the life review. He said that we experience what we did to others and feel what they felt when we did it. If my life is continued in my death, then that pos-sibility is enough to influence me to be more thoughtful in my words and actions toward others and myself.

I think we need to talk more openly about birth and death. Spiritual Psychology addresses our soul’s journey in a way that makes life experi-ences more understandable. It helps explain the cause and effect of our actions and can help a person make beneficial insights and experience a more rewarding life.

I encourage you to consider areas in your life that could be more fulfilling. Take the risk to reach out to someone and patch up any dis-agreements, rekindle your dreams, and let go of situations that rob your happiness. If what we live here is a blueprint for what happens when we die, then make this the best it can be. Find the way to have more peace and less stress in your life so we can have it globally.

This Memorial Day when you remember the men, women, and children that died helping

Photo by Terri Heisele

to preserve our freedoms, send an extra loving intention that they find the light and that their soul may know peace. They chose a hard job and deserve respect and honor for their bravery and sacrifice. Too many died for our countries “sins” of greed and control over others. Many of the living saw death often and they have struggled making peace with what they lived through in the military.

My father was a corpsman and nurse for twenty years in the Navy. He was patriotic, conserva-tive, fair, religious, and non-violent. He was against war even though he was doing his part to secure peace for our country. My older brothers lived all over the country on or near the base and worried when he was overseas. It’s a difficult life in many ways.

Consciously send thanks and appreciation to military families, for they live with the fear of war and death daily. Most veterans that I know want peace more than anything. I intend to do my part. Will you remember Memorial Day is about the freedom to choose how you believe?

MaryAine Curtis MRET Spiritual Psychology Facilitator www.return2joy.com

By Jeannie Greensfelder

On Mondays at noon I treat myself to time at Sweet Springs Preserve in Los Osos.

Last week a quail in mating plumage preened so I could take his picture and a single red-breasted merganser gorged himself in the pond. Tall eucalyptus trees swayed in the wind, adding to the haven for my spirit. At the bay overlook, several snowy egrets shared lunch-time with me and I wrote a poem about them.

With camera and pen as companions I claim time to connect with myself. In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron encourages weekly “dates” alone to spark creativity. My outings feel like keeping a promise to my child-self: to take her out to play, to go at her speed of noticing and observing rather than my normal rush.

Nurturing Time for YourselfWhile I enjoy time in nature, John O’Donohue, the Irish mystic, recommends solitude to explore our inner wilderness and this can be done anywhere. We have won-derful internal landscapes to explore. He says, “We are all such strange worlds. We are more than human. Each individual is an opening where the eternal is breaking through, a portal where things go out and come in.”

Our culture discourages reflection and setting personal time on our calendars, but a date with yourself, makes it happen. Whether your personal experience is sitting quietly in a room or in a garden, taking a walk in your neighborhood or at the ocean, meet yourself for self-renewal, self-discover-ies, and self-satisfaction.

5Women’s Press May & June 2010 Body & Soul

By Laura Hyde

As I write this article, I am settling back into my daily routine after having spent ten relaxing days on the exquisitely beau-tiful island of Maui. Even amidst the business — and some resistance — of return-ing to my regular routine, I am grateful for the spirit of “aloha” that still lingers within me. “Aloha” means much more than a common greeting and expression of farewell. The idea of aloha is so important in Hawaii that the “Aloha Spirit” is part of State law. The statute reads in part:

“‘Aloha Spirit’ is the coordination of mind and heart within each person. It brings each person to the self. Each person must think and emote good feelings to others. In the contemplation and presence of the life force, ‘Aloha,’ the following definition may be used:

Akahai, kindness to be expressed with tenderness; Lokahi, unity, to be expressed with harmony; Oluolu, agreeable, to be expressed with pleasantness; Haahaa, humility, to be expressed with modesty; Ahonui, patience, to be expressed with perseverance.”

Notice your life; are you experiencing the spirit of Aloha?

Living the Aloha Spirit isn’t some spiri-tual gimmick, some airy-fairy concept; it’s a way of living life so fully, so powerfully, that you are in tune with the Divine Power that the Hawaiians call “mana.” Accessing mana is an essential aspect of the Aloha

Spirit and refers to a powerful way to resolve any problem, accomplish any goal, and to achieve any state of mind that you desire.

It doesn’t require living in, or even visiting Hawaii to capture the essence of mana. There are different ways to tune into this power and one way is to bless everyone and everything that represents what you truly want. And in the Aloha Spirit, to bless something means to give recognition to a positive quality or condition with the intent that what you recognize will increase or come into manifestation. This kind of intentional blessing is effective in changing your life for three reasons:

The positive focus of your mind ignites the positive, creative force of the Divine Power of the Universe;

It moves your own energy outward, allowing more of the Divine Power to flow through you;

When you bless for the benefit of others instead of directly for yourself, you tend to bypass the subconscious fears about what you want for yourself. What is so beautiful about this process is that the blessing you do for others helps them as well as you.

Here are some of the important life-force qualities that the Hawaiian culture blesses:

• Health – Bless healthy people, animals, nature, and everything that expresses abundant energy.

• Happiness – Bless all that is good, or the good that is in all people and all things; all the signs of happiness that you see, hear or feel in people or animals; and all potentials for happiness

that you notice around you.• Prosperity – Bless all the signs of

prosperity in your environment, including all the money you have and what it can do as you circulate it.

• Success – Bless all signs of achieve-ment and completion and all signs of forward movement or persistence.

• Inner Strength – Bless all signs of inner strength in people and animals; all signs of stability (like mountains and tall trees).

• Love and Friendship – Bless all signs of caring and nurturing, compassion and support; all harmonious rela-tionships in nature; everything that is connected to or gently touching something else; all signs of coopera-tion, and all signs of laughter and fun.

• Inner Peace – Bless all signs of qui-etness, calmness, tranquility, and serenity (such as quiet water or still air); all distant views (horizons, stars, the moon); all signs of beauty of sight, sound or touch; clear colors and shapes; the details of natural or made objects.

• Spiritual Growth – Bless all signs of growth, development and change in nature; the transitions of dawn and twilight; the movement of sun, moon, planets and stars; the flight of birds in the sky; and the movement of wind and sea.

During these emotionally, financially and spiritually challenging times, may you experi-ence the Aloha Spirit in every area of your life.

Mahalo and Namaste.

Living TheSpirit

Photo by Margan Zajdowicz

Photo by Ove Tøpfer

Mid-life…By Ginny Conrow

She wears a straightjacket, quite neatly hidden under an acceptable facade.

She wears a straightjacket, a perfect fit: snuggly and comfy from years of wear.

She wears a straightjacket. The straps are labeled: control, fear, shame, criticism, unmet expectations, guilt.

She wears a straightjacket, so very neatly hidden under a perfectly controlled, always acceptable facade.

No one knows...no one ever guesses...and she would never admit...beneath her facade, all she wants to do is...

dance...create...and S O A R........!

Ginny Conrow has worked in healthcare for over 30 years. She empathizes with the “mid-lifers” who are caretaking, working and trying to understand life.

6 Women’s Press May & June 2010Body & Soul

A Women’s Perspective on the Spiritual Journey

By Barbara Atkinson

In many spiritual treatises, mostly written by men, the apex of the spiritual journey is being of service, i.e., giving. Although I don’t deny the value of giving service, I’d like to suggest the following.

In general, men approach their spiri-tual journey from a different perspective than women. Men come from an egocen-tric standpoint—their journey of expansion moves them to include the needs of others. Visually you could see this as an inverted triangle (V) – the point on the bottom signi-fying the ego as it expands upward/outward to be inclusive.

Women, on the other hand, are already inclusive as mothers, the volunteer mainstay for non-profits, and in numerous other capacities. They are the universal givers. This giving of ourselves is, unfortunately, given little more than lip service in terms of our value to society (otherwise universal child-care and equal rights with equal pay and so on would be a given). It is also why the feminine aspect of God (usually depicted as the giving earth mother, pregnant with new life) struggles for recognition. For most of us in western society, being a woman means having to struggle with being undervalued, even by ourselves as we unconsciously incul-cate societal norms.

Therefore our spiritual journey is more like the basic triangle: we’re learning to channel our “giving to others” (the expansive bottom of the triangle) into giving ourselves value through full appreciation and acceptance (the apex of the triangle). Try this on for size:

With women in particular, though not exclusively, an epidemic of low self-esteem and lack of worthiness festers within. I’m not talking about success and strength. We may be both successful and strong, a mainstream conformist or non-conform-ist, perceived with a solid, if vulnerable, strength. Nevertheless, lurking beneath this “together,” maybe even happy-go- lucky exterior is often the open wound of insecurity: I am not enough – too this and too that. This unhealed wound, out of fear of not being accepted and loved, too often tries to keep others happy by conforming and responding to what they want — an aberration of the “good mother” ideal of femininity. It remains unhealed by the inwardly turned anger of a child whose needs were not met, causing permeable, or for some, non-existent boundaries that extend into adulthood. Unaware of how to express this seemingly inappropriate anger, unconsciously it is contained within and festers as a deep, inner sadness of which we may or may not be aware. This sadness is also archetypal because victimization is based on the historical fear that we will be burned, staked, stoned, or otherwise retaliated against (still occurring in some places) and because the feminine prin-ciple in our world cultures has been repressed for centuries. It’s been pro-jected onto females as being “less than,” with a distorted and heightened respon-sibility for the feelings and actions of others and what they want, and feeling victimized because we’re told it’s “our fault.” We have taken this distortion in and made it our own, generation after generation. As a result, we have learned not to trust ourselves.*

This sad anger is not a raging storm you need to unleash to heal (although it’s the fear that you would do so and be overwhelmed that keeps it hidden in the unconscious). Yet it can and often projects itself onto judgment and victim-hood, never owning its source within. We may do various things to keep this knowledge hidden, but it hungers to be acknowledged and embraced.

Ego resides in time and has a vested interest in keeping this the status quo. Its incessant thinking of past and future claim tyranny over the soul utilizing a variety of tools to keep us in the dark: guilt, fear, inadequacy, imperfection, judgment, false pride and niceties, and a god of retribution to name a few. It fuels the thoughts that give voice to the inner “demons of negativity,” nagging at us to give in to powerlessness (the mainstay of sad anger). So, when you are committed to awakening Spirit within, a struggle may ensue. Afraid it will lose out if it lets go, ego strug-gles to hold onto its supremacy; its old habits and fears may intensify now. Fearful ego is trying to keep us unaware of the creative power within: our Higher Self and its unlim-ited potential. Power, ego is happy to remind us, is often associated with its misuse, hierar-chy, retaliation, lack of femininity, and being clothed in the anger of Machiavellian-like manipulation. But, rather than a negative force projected outward, sad anger can be converted to the authentic power of positive feminine energy and used inwardly to fuel and strengthen our love of Self. This happens as we redirect our energy to challenge ego by refusing to sacrifice ourselves to its nagging voices, recriminating sadness, and failure to meet our needs. By continually identifying with the love and forgiveness of the com-

passionate, divine feminine rather than ego, this nurturing mother within helps us learn to accept ourselves, to trust our inner voice and honor our needs, thereby ending ego’s tyranny, and the reflexive emotional reactions that served us in the past. The paradox is that to access authentic power, we must surren-der seeming power --the power of ego’s will; this is the sacrifice we are asked to make. It is rarely easy and always an act of humility. With the help of redemptive grace, we allow our true Self (inner Christ, Buddha, Goddess, etc.) residing in the present moment, to emerge then unite with the outer Divine and lead. We identify with it rather than with ego. “Ego as an instrument of spirit rather than spirit as a tool of ego.” (Michael Washburn)

This inner struggle can go on for a number of years coming closer and closer to the surface (service) of consciousness. Our job is to trust Life and ourselves, and stay on the path of awareness heeding the signs and signals that alert us when we stray off course. We are guided again and again to the situations we need to resurrect the authentic power and love of the repressed feminine. As we give voice to her nurturing love, support, and trust, she subdues and balances our overabundant mas-culine, and we are held in a cocoon of light Then these two poles of the psyche, mascu-line and feminine, can integrate as one, reside in present moment awareness, and awaken the full potential of Self to Being: our indi-vidual, creative expression of All There Is.

* The same can be said for boys and men with an active feminine who, if they express it, can be considered soft or weak; often this weakness must be beaten down and drummed or bullied

out for cultural and family acceptance.

7Women’s Press May & June 2010 Body & Soul

OnenessThe Old Brain Can Still Learn New TricksBy Ruth Cherry, PhD

Most of the inmates at the state penitentiary where I work were drug addicts—heroin, marijuana, cocaine, LSD, whatever they could get. They speak about chasing their first high, always remembering a more intense experience than they’ve had since and not being able to recreate it. They didn’t abandon the chase until incarcera-tion forced the end.

In the meditation groups I ask if our medi-tations are similar in any way to their drug highs. The long time meditators say, “Yes, but without coming down.” Longing for the experience of oneness may be the soul of drug addiction. And isn’t that the core human drive? We seek love, friendship, or success but these diversions so often leave us dissatisfied. We achieve what we say we want and within minutes we want some-thing more. Why?

My suspicion is that on a cellular level we know we are missing something we need to be whole. On an intellectual level we can’t identify what that is but we substi-tute “definable” solutions. We long for peace inside but we focus on making money. That’s something we can control. Who can force peace? We want happiness which we can’t make happen on cue so we enjoy chocolate which we can buy any time. The inmates used drugs. What’s the difference? Control of something finite substitutes for oneness with the Infinite. For a minute.

I don’t know of one person who would say that what s/he seeks in life more than anything else is oneness with God but I suspect that that is the human condition. We somehow know that there is more to existence than meets the eye. We can’t place it so we try to structure an experience that we can define. We must redefine God in limited terms so our minds can be involved in the act. Better to use our minds than to allow unlimited vulnerability.

But “allowing” and “vulnerability” are what knowing God is about. We imprison God when we say, “This (read: money, love, power) will make me happy.” When we try to define God, we limit God. When we want to assume an overlay of happiness without doing our undercover work, we shy away from God. We hate not being in control and when we are in control, we imprison God. We want God not to threaten us. We want

By Inglis Carre’-Dellard

We have been told that advancing years are a time of ever fuzzier thinking and brain deterioration over which we have no control. On the contrary, neuroscien-tists have discovered that even though the brain’s decreasing number of brain cells causes it to lose between five and ten percent of its weight by the time we are ninety, the brain can build more connections that help it to work better as it ages, and even grow new cells in certain areas. It turns out that aging can give us a better ability to replace negative emotions with positive ones, the resulting emotional stability forming the basis of wisdom. This concept of “neuroplas-ticity” not only suggests that our brains can grow and change throughout life, but also suggests that we can cause positive changes in our brain structure with our thoughts.

A neuroscientist from Harvard, Alvaro Pascual-Leone, taught a group of non-musician volunteers a simple piano exercise that they practiced in the lab two hours a day for five days. A week later, brain scans were performed and showed that the part of the brain that controlled finger movements increased in area. Volunteers that practiced the finger exercises in their minds alone had the same result. We can infer from these findings that our thoughts can affect our mental and physical health more than previ-ously thought.

What happens when we consciously control our thoughts and always steer them in a positive direction? Richard Davidson, of the University of Wisconsin, conducted a study in which he compared the brains of eight Buddhist Monks who were very expe-rienced with meditation, with the brains of

God to fit into our lives neatly. We want God to keep us comfortable.

When comfort is necessary, God gets squeezed out. Unlimited power cannot be controlled or fit into our little boxes and it doesn’t come on schedule on Sunday morning. We don’t dictate terms to God about what we will accept or won’t. We say, “Your will be done” and we watch. When we surrender our lives, we don’t know what will happen. And if you need to be in control, that’s not a “reasonable” choice.

So, if we accept the premise that experienc-ing oneness with God is the basic human longing and if we acknowledge that losing our boundaries terrifies us humans, then we find ourselves in a pickle of gigantic proportions. For a few years or decades we look for God under the street light, so to speak. We want God in small doses, easily digested. We’re satisfied with our God-in-a-box. And that’s the end of the story for many folks.

Some of us won’t let go of the search that easily, however, and by mid-life we won’t engage in illegal activity or reckless risk-taking. What are we to do? We need to experience our oneness with God because without that we’re lost. Nothing else holds meaning.

The vastness of our inner world and the pervasiveness of our life experience when we surrender and trust in meditation and then throughout the day lead us to experi-ence God minute by minute. And then we don’t want to stop. Even when it’s scary or unpleasant or inconvenient. And I think that’s what the drug addicted inmates sought in their own unsavory way. They are just being humans. On some level they knew there is more. They detoured with drugs but find some peace in meditation. They are acting like human beings, just like the rest of us.

Ruth Cherry, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in San Luis Obispo, CA. Her specialty is midlife when psychological and spiritual dynamics merge. The power of the unconscious at midlife to heal and to trans-form is tapped in meditation. Besides writing about meditation, Ruth leads guided medi-tation groups weekly. Her books and CD are available at midlifepsychology.com.

a group of students who were given some quick instruction in how to meditate. Both groups performed a “nonreferential compas-sion” meditation in which they concentrated on feeling infinite generosity and love for all living beings, while being connected to an EEG machine. The EEG readouts showed an increase in gamma brain waves for all meditators. The monks experienced thirty times higher gamma output than the students. A functional MRI showed that the brains of all the meditators showed more activity in the brain area responsible for positive emotion, and less in the area that distinguished between self and others. The brain areas dealing with maternal love and empathy reacted much more strongly in the monks’ brains, where the happiness brain area totally overrode the brain area dealing with negative feelings. The brains of the students didn’t show this reaction.

It appears that training the mind can cause brain changes that predispose us to more positive feelings such as empathy, compas-sion, and love. Isn’t it good to know that we can teach ourselves to be happy?

Inglis Carre’-Dellard, M.F.A. is a Los Osos artist and teacher whose teaching style emphasizes individuality and self expression in a nurturing environment. For informa-tion on creativity classes, individual creativity counseling, or to receive her creativity news-letter, contact her at ingartist@yahoo.com or 805.534.9693.

For more information regarding the latest sci-entific brain discoveries and their relationship to creativity, read ‘Embracing the Wide Sky,’ by Daniel Tammet.

Photo by Artem Chernyshevych

8 4251 S. Higuera Street, Suite 800, San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 | 805 544-9313 Women’s Community Center

Women’s ConvergenceBy Angie King

After my answer to the last issue’s question of what book has changed your life, about Mary Daly, I was moved to read her again. I was drawn to her auto-biography, although she admits that’s a loosely defined term for what she has written. But it is pure Mary Daly and I loved it. It’s called Outercourse. There’s a concept she describes in it, which threads through the whole book, which also struck me, coming as it did in my own Re-membering (her orthography). I’m going to try to explain what I mean. Bear with me.

About a year ago, the local chapter of NOW was discussing plans for Women’s Equality Day, and wanted to put on a party for all the county’s women’s groups, a convening if you will. Unfortunately, timing was too short and we were short-handed, so we didn’t do it, but the idea persisted.

Then CodePink hosted a Pacific Convergence of their chapters, in September; their use of the term, conver-gence, seemed to be what we had in mind.

The next “coincidence” was that the San Luis Obispo County Community Foundation’s Women’s Legacy Fund ini-tiated a survey on the needs of women in the community, with the results scheduled to be released at their annual luncheon this coming September. That report could be the starting point of the Convergence of women’s groups to discuss how we can meet the needs iden-tified in that report.

Add to that mix, that the Commission on the Status of Women is joining WCC this year to produce the Day with Creative Women in August.

The combination of all this collabo-ration and gathering together creates

not just synergy (the combined effort being greater than parts)

but Gynergy – a term Mary Daly attri-butes to her fellow philosopher, Emily Culpepper - the female energy which both comprehends and creates who we are: woman-identified be-ing.

Of course we all see what we want to see, and I want to see that there is this connection, and that the Women’s Convergence (that I hope will happen toward the end of 2010) will be a Spiraling Event, in Mary Daly’s terms, and the Be-ginning of a better future. Or maybe it is mere coincidence that these things all came about in just the way they did. Either way I am excited thinking about the momentum created

by a convergence of all the various groups and agencies in SLO County that exist to improve women’s lives. Think of the energy in the room!

From Outercourse, page 4: “The Spiraling Voyage of Outercourse is comprised of Metapolitical Moments, which make up Spiral galaxies. These are Moments/Movements of participation in Be-ing which carry Voyagers beyond foreground limitations.

Moments can be viewed as windows and doors through which we leap and race into the Background. They influence us; they are of great consequence, for they point us in the direction of Elemental Time/Tidal Time. Moving in Spiraling

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Paths, they hurl us on an Intergalactic Voyage.”

In other words, I think, one has an “aha moment” and the paradigm shifts, so to speak, and so do one’s attitude and behavior, hopefully in a more beneficial, centered way, dare I say, Metapatriarchal way (Mary Daly does). Is this one? Wouldn’t you want to be part of a paradigm shift in SLO County?

Putting on such an event will take a lot of planning. I’m still talking to the SLOCCF urging them to be the lead organizer, but even so, we all need to pitch in. Will you help? Call me at WCC (544-9313).

9Women’s Community Center 805 544-9313 | PO Box 15639, San Luis Obispo, CA 93406

Here’s what WCC has been up to this SpringCalling All (or most) Used Tech Equipment

By Angie King

There’ve been some changes on the business end of the Women’s Press designed to make life easier for our won-derful volunteer editor, Courtney, so we can keep her talent and dedication. To help decrease her workload and prevent burnout, the board is now responsible for the non-editorial parts of the paper (like the accounts), but it took a while until some of the affected people knew where to send bills, etc. One casualty of this switchover was you, the subscriber, who expected to get your paper in a timely fashion. We apologize for the delay and you should have this issue on time. And, since we’re now responsible to make the paper self-sustaining, please help us out by considering placing an on-going ad in the pages of the Women’s Press. You’ll get a great way to advertise your business or service, and you’ll also be helping us, plus you’ll be helping a salesperson earn a commission.

In March, Sonia and I networked with many of SLO County’s social service agencies, spreading the word us, distrib-uting the Women’s Press, and recruiting new volunteers. The occasion was the RSVP volunteer fair.

By Robin Rinzler

Our newest fundraiser involves collect-ing items that would otherwise pollute our landfills. These items listed below will bring money to The Women’s Community Center, and will be recycled properly or fixed and resold. Don’t throw these in the trash, call us now and see if we can turn them into much needed cash for the WCC!

• Cell phones• Ink Jet Printer Cartridges• Laptops & Notebooks• MP3 Players• Digital Cameras (still & video)• Radar Detectors• GPS Devices• Radar Detectors• Kindle & Sony Book Readers

These items can be working or not, damaged or not. Drop off your item or items at the Women’s Community Center, 4251 S. Higuera Street (where Los Osos Valley Road dead ends into S. Higuera Street) and we can turn that into $$ for our many projects! Call 544-9313 if you have any questions! Thanks for your support!

Welcome to our new volunteers: Rebecca, Ed, and Jacqueline! Rebecca and Ed have become supervision monitors for our new BETTER program, while Jacqueline joins Debra as a courtwatcher. Both programs are part of the Family Law Activities we write about all the time.

In the middle of April we held a very suc-cessful Open House, to celebrate our move from the Goodwill Building last June to our new offices at the San Luis Business Center, and a good time was had by all! Thanks to our sponsors for this event: Von’s in Grover Beach and the Marigold Center, Trader Joe’s in San Luis Obispo, Dana Nelson Health plus Pharmacy, Vina Robles Winery, the Spirit of San Luis Restaurant, and Core Mediation Services, The Divorce Specialists.

And more good news, at the Open House, more people signed up to volun-teer!

Our next big event will be the Day with Creative Women on August 14th. Read more about it here and in the next issue. If you are interested in helping us put on the best art fair on the Central Coast, call us!

Celebrating Robin’s Cuesta College Award!By Sonia Paz Baron-Vine & Angie King WCC Board of Directors

We are very happy to announce that our vice president Robin Rinzler has been awarded the “Progress for Women Award “ by Cuesta College!! This honor is awarded to a woman whose commitment to a particular program or issue of special rele-vance to women has helped to improve the quality of life for women. As an example: arts, science, health, etc.

We celebrated Robin along with her family and presented her with balloons and cards!

She was glowing as she thanked the public, which included other recipients and the crème of San Luis Obispo women’s volunteers. Congratulations Robin on a well deserved award!

Sonia Paz Baron-Vine Jan Potter, Angie King,Sonia Paz Baron-Vine. Sonia Paz Baron-Vine, Angie King.

Photos from the RSVP fair. The RSVP fair had groups from all over the County. The RSVP team of 1500 volunteers work with 300 non profits in SLO County and Northern SB County.

10 Women’s Press May & June 2010Motherhood

By Lisa Jouet

We all dream of having loving, attached, and self-confident children. A child who has had their needs met on a consistent and loving basis has these traits. Attachment parents work to see this dream realized as they watch their children grow. Breastfeeding our babies, sleeping with or near them, carrying them on our bodies, meeting their needs as soon as they arise, and later using the prin-ciples of positive discipline are all crucial in the practice of attachment parenting.

Providing consistent and loving care is a principle most parents agree on. Many new parents follow this principle in the begin-ning of their babies’ lives by listening to their instincts. After the baby arrives, some parents stay home with their babies and some parents are able to go back to work with their newborns in tow. These are ideal situations and obviously minimize the sep-aration of baby and parent. Others find a caring individual or space to bring their child to for a few hours a day. When our children spend time with other caregivers, it may be more difficult to make sure this bond and level of care is present. Attachment par-enting advocates address this separation with a few guidelines.

The first guideline describes continuity of the caregiver. Ideally, parents should try to encourage the same person to care for the child for the first two to three years, pref-erably in the child’s home. When possible, choose a family member or close friend as your child’s first caregiver. Parents and the child should take the time to get to know the caregiver if they are not close already. This helps ease the child’s transition between the parents and caregiver.

The second guideline involves educating the caregiver about the principles of attach-ment parenting and encouraging them to use them with your child. For an overview of the principles of please visit the attach-ment parenting international website www.attachmentparenting.org or see the other articles in this series.

A third guideline speaks to the number of hours the child is in non-parental care. Many parents choose, or feel they have no other option other than, to use full-time child care, a subject which is a hot button for many parents. Current research suggests the need to minimize the number of hours children under the age of 5 spend away from their parents in order to maximize attach-ment. Fewer hours away from parents translates into less stress for the child. Two

Attached Parenting

resources on this subject are listed at the end of this article.

Our culture does not support stay-at-home parents enough. It is difficult but could be possible to come up with stay-at-home solu-tions and modified work schedules in order to be with our kids instead of using full time child-care outside the home. Parents do find ways to reconnect when they are reunited with their children who are in day care by sharing morning rituals like, snuggling in bed, family breakfast and nighttime rituals like dinner, bath-time, brushing teeth and reading before bed.

The more attached we wish to be to our children and the more we hope our children to be attached to us, the more quality time we need to spend together. The value of time spent together as a family is immeasur-able, it is subtle and builds over time with a “bank account” full of memories, laughter, tears, contentment, love and attachment.

For further reading: Being There: The Benefits of a

Stay-At-Home Parent by Isabelle Fox The Four-Thirds Solution: Solving the

Child-Care Crisis in America by Dr. Stanley Greenspan

Photo by Emily Cahal

Principle 6: Provide Consistent and Loving Care

Parenting Adult Children: He Never Calls, He Never Writes

By Diane Halsted

“My son doesn’t communicate with me,” stated a fellow hiker—as if she were the only mother who wants more attention from her adult child.

My son doesn’t communicate with me as much as I like either, I told her, but when we are together, we have fun, and when we visit by phone, we have lively and long con-versations. She wanted to know how old my son is.

“He is 36.”

“Oh, no. Don’t tell me that.” Her son is 29.

We commiserated over unanswered emails, turned-off cell phones, a dearth of letters. I told her I had even asked for a weekly phone call for Christmas one year. It was not the gift he chose to give. The difference between my fellow hiker and me, however, is I have accepted less communication than I’d like and she has not yet.

It doesn’t hurt to ask for what you want. In fact, I recommend it. But a mother must be prepared to be turned down. She would never deny a similar request from her son, but mother love is a one-way street. Our children do not return our unconditional love. We can do wrong. We can also request what we won’t get.

I suggested to my hiking companion that her son thinks he communicates. He chooses the time and interval; he keeps in as much touch as he wants. I recalled for her the scene in Annie Hall: a split screen shows the man and woman in individual therapy. Each is asked, “How often do you two have sex?” The man responds, “Hardly ever. Only about three times a week.” The woman responds, “All the time. At least three times a week.”

My son probably thinks we communicate frequently. He calls more often—at least every two weeks—than he chooses because he knows I will be unhappy if he doesn’t. He is always cheery and shares activities and discusses teaching with me. We chat for as long as two hours. I could call him

Continued in Never Calls, p. 21

11Women’s Press May & June 2010 Motherhood

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Adrift on the Ocean of American Democracy By Jennifer Stover

Last summer I embarked on my maiden voyage into the turbulent waters of the dem-ocratic process. I had been contacted by the Mama Campaign, a grassroots organi-zation trying to make history. They were lobbying for a woman’s right to birth either in a hospital, birth center, or at home and with a doctor, certified nurse midwife or a professional midwife. They were pushing to include equal payment for all of these options into the health care legislation. To accomplish their goal they had launched a national effort to have women contact their local representatives and speak to them about the importance of women having birth choices.

As a doula and childbirth educator, I have been working one-on-one with women for many years supporting them in their birth choices. On a community level, I had helped found the Birth & Baby Resource Network to help inform women about their choices locally. But I never considered any of this

as being involved in politics. It was just my way of helping the women I knew have the births that they wanted. Here was a chance to do something locally and perhaps have an impact nationally.

Intrigued but uncertain, I went to the women of the Birth & Baby Resource Network and said, “I’d like to do something about this. What do you think? Is this some-thing we want to stand up for? Will I have your backing if I lead a delegation to speak to Lois Capps?” All the women immediately encouraged and supported me.

Buoyed by their enthusiasm, I reached into our birth community for shipmates in my endeavor. Not surprisingly I was imme-diately joined by retired certified nurse midwife Linda Seeley; Edana Hall, licensed midwife; Laurie Stern, a registered nurse certified in neonatal nursing; and Megan Bochum, former International Cesarean Awareness Network leader. These women have been working with and for birthing women and their families in our commu-

By Lisa Pimentel Johnson

Recycle, Reuse, Recharge, and Renew are the new buzz words these days all over the world. We need to teach our children to take care of their world and correct their parent’s mistakes! I found some fun, edu-cational, colorful “green” books to share and enjoy for young and old alike. Start thinking green....

Michael Recycle by Ellie Bethel and illustrated by Alexandra Colombo is an engaging story about a town called Abberdoo-Rimey where the townspeople have turned grass, flowers, and rivers brown due to pollu-tion. A streak of green crash lands in the town dump. It’s not a bird, nor a plane, but a new kind of superhero named Michael Recycle, who has a plan to save the town and the world. Fresh and funny, Michael Recycle exclaims to the townspeople,

“You’ve got to recycle. You’ve got to act

soon. Before all your trash reaches up to the Moon!” In response, the townspeople start recycling their paper, plastic, cans, and even old junk like pots and pans. The art is colorful and inventive with using a news-paper print cut out in the art design, and at the end of the book, there is a special section of Go Green Tips to encourage all children to become environmental superhe-roes in their town!

Learning about ecosystems and playing a maze game is part of the creative book by Roxie Munro called EcoMazes, 12 Earth Adventures. Roxie and her husband trav-elled all over the world researching data to compile in this delightful educational book that will take you to both the South and North Poles and places in between. You and your child can travel along leafy trails, Arctic ice floes, and winding water-ways while exploring different environments around the world, from a colorful coral reef filled with sea creatures to a shady forest of tall evergreen trees. Using waterways, trails, or roads, take the shortest path with your finger to the goal. As you journey, you will

Children’s Bookshelfalso discover some 350 animals that live in those ecosystems too!

From grass bursting through cracks in a sidewalk, or a tuft of daisies clinging to a crumbling brick wall, to a meadow winding along an abandoned road, nature can blossom in the unlikeliest of places. In the book by Peter Brown, called The Curious Garden, a curious boy named Liam discov-ers a small struggling garden one day in the most drab, grey city where he lives. In an abandoned railway track in the middle of the city, Liam stumbles on a sprinkle of wildflowers bursting through a patch of mossy green weeds. Liam decides right there to become a gardener and starts to water, prune, and care for his little garden patch. Soon, the magic of water, sun, and tender loving care begin to make the garden grow and creep into all the crevices of the grey, drab city. The city transforms into a vibrant green metropolis with flowers, shrubs, and trees everywhere being taken care of by many new gardeners! Liam teaches us that we can find flowers and fields and even small forests growing wild in every city, you just have to look for them!

nity for many years. They have a passion for women’s birth rights.

We discussed and refined our goal, set a timeline and divided the work. Researching that day we suddenly realized that Representative Capps was on the congres-sional committee working on the health legislation. For the first time it occurred to us that we might actually be able to do something that mattered.

Along the way more women came on board. My intrepid crew of professionals and community leaders also included: Miday Belden-Johnson, CNM; Stephanie Wilson, SLO-Child Abuse Prevention Council specialist; Jessica Elliott, BBRN President; and Janet Murphy, Cal Poly Child Development Specialist. Each one did research that was added to our presentation packet covering issues on safety, the licensing

process, the potential financial impact, the importance of bonding, cesarean preven-tion, and postpartum depression prevention.

We reached out to mothers in our com-munity. Many of these busy women took the time to stop and write a letter about how their birth with a midwife affected their lives. Reading their poignant letters reminded me of why I first began champi-oning midwifery and out-of-hospital birth and gave me fresh incentive to keep forging

Continued in Adrift, p. 22

12 Women’s Press May & June 2010Local Perspectives

By Berta Parrish

Mortality. Demise. The Grim Reaper. The Final Passage. All these are euphemisms for a concept that most Americans avoid at all costs. Contemplating death makes most of us very sad and depressed. Therefore, consider my surprise when I met Donna Kean, former Executive Director of the Hospice of San Luis Obispo. Sixteen years of helping others cope with end-of-life issues has not diminished her natural enthusiasm, energy, and sense of humor. Her spar-kling eyes, inquisitiveness, and contagious laughter invite you into the joy of life rather than into the anxiety of death, the ultimate mystery.

In 1994 Donna arrived in Cambria from Los Angeles as a licensed clinical social worker with experience in the hospice field and in social services management. Her interest in metaphysics and philosophy drew her to a career that nourished spiritual and soulful awareness. She recalls that a few personal losses helped her integrate the hospice phi-losophy: “It really helped to know that death is okay. Even if it isn’t anticipated, there is way to get through it. I was sold after that and wanted to help others see death through a different lens.”

After working two years as a medical social worker at Twin Cities Community Hospital, Donna assumed the responsibilities of Executive Director of the Hospice of SLO County supervising eight full-time staff members and over 100 volunteers. Hospice of SLO County provides free in-home assistance and companionship, grief coun-seling, group support, crisis intervention, and wellness education to those living with life-threatening or terminal illness, their families, and the bereaved. Empathic vol-unteer support programs include in-home respite care; a bereavement program; a supportive music program; community education, training and resource center; a children’s program; and services in Spanish.

Reflecting on her 14-year tenure as Executive Director, Donna considers program devel-opment her most joyful moments. She was instrumental in extending hospice volunteer training and services to California Men’s Colony, to the North County, to skilled nursing facilities, and to several hospitals where volunteers provide respite care for fatigued family members. Moreover, she is grateful for all the wondrous learning expe-riences. “The families have transformed my life. Their courage in confronting dying or grieving is inspiring. Truly, what a gift! I’ve had the honor of seeing people stand up

Donna Kean Accepting Mystery to Live More Fully

for themselves and go the course in spite of fearing the unknown. It’s honorific in my book!”

A few months into retirement, Donna is enjoying the increased time to cook, to read, to meditate, and to spend time with family and friends. Additionally, she is beginning to write a book, tentatively titled Mysteries at the Threshold, that explores the extraor-dinary experiences of ordinary people when grieving and/or dying. She believes that “consciousness survives. I don’t know how that happens, but it does. Because of hospice, I have had experiences that affirm the continuity of spirit, of soul.”

Donna has indeed received many gifts from the people she has served, but she has also bestowed many gifts on them, their families, and our community. By acknowledging and accepting the natural life cycle that culmi-nates in the mystery of death, she models how to live more fully in the present. She definitely is not among those referred to in the following refrain of the popular song “The Rose”:

“It’s the one who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give,

and the soul afraid of dyin’ that never learns to live.”

Unsung Heroine

At SeventyBy Jeanie Greensfelder

A trajectory of decades crossed like a comet,years falling like shuffled cards, now you see them, now you don’t. Among memories, wisps of me:hanging by my legs from a trapeze,pounding the sofa to see germs rise,praying at age eight to wake up twenty-four,seeing my father in a coma before he died,deciding to die at sixty and never grow old,leading the Pep Club, depressed, in tears,being eloped from college at eighteen,imagining my daughter’s third Christmas,waking at twenty-four, wanting to be eight,hearing the rabbi bless my second marriage,communing with a Luna moth in our

A-frame. Moments polka dot my mindas if I could drop into any one of them,begin again, take seriously the words I

scoffed atwhen an old woman watched me hopscotch.She said, “Count your blessings.”

13Women’s Press May & June 2010 Local Perspectives

A Garage Sale for the SoulBy Berta Parrish

This morning my husband and I went garage-saling, along with an estimated 1.2 million Americans. Neighbors compared a garage sale to a party for strangers, to spring house cleaning, and to a painful operation removing one finger at one at a time. No one said that having a garage sale is a spiri-tual exercise. And, yet it can be.

How can clearing out the garage, closet, and kitchen compare to the emptying and cleans-ing of heart and soul? It’s all in how you experience the various aspects of America’s greatest Saturday morning pastime. It’s all about having a mindful garage sale, that is, being aware of your thoughts and emotions during the four phases of sorting, selling, discarding, and living anew.

When we moved, we naturally had a lot of extra stuff. After decorating the house, we decided on a garage sale. As a journal keeper, I soon noticed that the sale became a symbol for the internal dynamics of dis-carding the unwanted and unnecessary and embracing the desired and needed. Having the garage sale was helping me disconnect from the past and connect to the present. Here’s how.

The Sorting. The first phase was sorting the stuff in my emotional storehouse of artifacts. All the memorabilia, nic-knacks,

souvenirs, hobby equipment, and gifts had to be evaluated. In desperation, I catego-rized things into three stacks: those for our grown children; those good enough to sell; and those for the Goodwill. Even after this, what about the things without a category? Do I keep the German beer mugs from a vacation; the Noritake china from another era; and the paintings purchased on our honeymoon? I soon realized that the signif-icance of an item depended on the memory attached to it. A highly prized gift indicates that it was very valuable, or was given by a much-loved person, or carried a wonderful memory. In-between gifts were disposable. For instance, our son’s fire truck painted with “Happy Birthday” and our daughter’s pet rock are truly “priceless” as the commer-cial states.

As I was evaluating these items, I was also sorting the attitudes and prejudices inher-ited, collected, and stored throughout a lifetime. It was time to consciously choose which to keep and which to discard. An idea, like an object, should meet the following criteria:

• Is it highly cherished and valued according to current standards and tastes?

• Does it represent the best of me?• Is it something I would be proud give to

my children and grandchildren?• Does it suit the current lifestyle?• Does it still serve a useful purpose?

“Out with old and in with the new,” doesn’t do justice to this process. It’s more like

“Out with meaningless and in with the meaningful.” We kept objects connected to memories, values, passions, and aspirations.

The Selling. Now I had to decide on the value of the remaining items. What did I pay and would I give them up for less? I set prices according to similar things at other garage sales. However, a few hours into the sale, I cut the prices in half. In spite of being out-bargained, the stories were worth more than the money. Lives were touched by sharing objects. Common interests in wood-carvings, Indian rugs, and books brought people together. We gave a little girl inter-ested in art all the art books plus a painting. A hug was payment enough. Newlyweds had no decor for their apartment, so we sold them two mission paintings for a quarter of the marked price. Near the end, we gave away miscellaneous goodies.

We had to let go of our once-prized objects and rejoice in the pleasure of the new owners with their bargains. Afterwards I wondered how many attitudes and assumptions go through this painfully slow sloughing off process of ever-increasing recognition that something no longer serves or fits.

The Discarding. What to do with the now-proven worthless, superfluous junk that no one wanted, even for free? It was hard to admit that what we once considered beau-tiful or valuable was neither. It was really hard to throw something out that we had been storing and moving around for twenty years. Two more piles were created: one for donating (again) and one for dumping.

This difficulty made me wonder about some resentments, regrets, and habits that I have been carrying around for years that were also obsolete. Idiosyncratic ways of acting and feeling that were perhaps appropri-ate twenty years ago might not be so useful today, just like the electric hair rollers and the cheese fondue pot.

The Living Anew. Although not usually con-sidered part of a garage sale, my post-garage sale feelings were fascinating. Even if I hadn’t used an item in ten years, all of a sudden, I needed it. The ceramic wine decanter would have looked perfect on the side table. I had to learn to live without regret for the discarded things. This “letting go” of the past made a space for more appropriate items and ideas to come into my life and to lead me in different directions with new purposes.

In our culture, garage sales mark signifi-cant transitions – we are moving, retiring, marrying, or downsizing. If undertaken consciously, a garage sale can actually be part of the initiatory experience to the next phase of life, instead of merely a way to get rid of stuff and make a few hundred dollars. By paying attention to your reac-tions before, during, and after a garage sale, you can transform a materialis-tic undertaking into a rewarding spiritual experience. So, if you want to refresh your closet and your heart, have a garage sale.

Berta Parrish, Ed.D., writer and educator, teaches at Cuesta College and Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. She is the author of Wise Woman’s Way: A Guide to Growing Older with Purpose and Passion.

14 Women’s Press May & June 2010Local Perspectives

Signs of Life

To Love Again

By Kate Updike O’Connor

“I can’t get over it,” my mother says on the telephone. “All the beauty hidden in that bulb. You’ve got a winner.”

She refers to the showy blossoms my ama-ryllis has produced in the last few days. Four is the most she’s ever heard of bursting from the same bud. My plant has five gorgeous, umbellate flowers with another yet to open. Mom has given me an amaryllis bulb every Christmas for as long as I can remember. She continues to send them to me even though I live in California now and can enjoy flow-ering outdoor plants all year. She gives herself one, too, to ease her through the cold eastern winter. As the bulbs start to sprout on our kitchen tables, they become the main topic of interest in our long-distance conver-sations.

By Ashley Howard

During the drive down to Sayulita, I found myself reflecting back on what a remarkable time I had in San Luis Obispo County. For maybe the first time in my life, time did not fly by, nor stand still. Five months felt like five months, or at least what I imagine 5 months should feel like outside of living within a rat race. My time on the Central Coast, was just that- my time. I lived in the moment. My moment. I had some of the most incredible experiences of my life thus far.

I traveled to the Central Coast as a freshly single woman. I had spent the previous year in a relationship with a man that to this day I adore. A one of a kind guy who I know is meant to be ‘one’ with another, as certainly as I know that when I left Washington, it was time for me to be ‘one’ with myself. Within months of us parting ways, he found the one for him...and I found me. He fell in love...and so did I. He fell in love with her, and I fell in love with myself and the county of San Luis Obispo.

One aspect of the Central Coast that I truly embraced was the versatility. Each coastal town has something distinct to offer. Avila

“That swollen bud lasted so long,” I tell her. “It tantalized me. I could barely wait to see it open.”

Mom knows precisely what I mean. This is how we connect – through the language of buds and new growth. She had spent the last few weeks watching her own bulb sprout, then bud, then flower.

“Yours is finished?” I ask today. Hers had gotten a head start and bloomed a week or two before mine.

“Yes, sadly,” Mom says. She answers from her home in New Jersey where her yard is blanketed with a foot of freshly fallen snow. “But now I have a calla lily to watch. It’s really fascinating to observe the growth.”

I have always known this about my mother, her passion for growing things. She is the

Beach was the coastal town that I felt drawn to from the moment that I arrived. After viewing several properties throughout the county during the first few days after my arrival, I knew that Avila Beach was where I would reside. For the first 3 months, I must admit that I lived in what I now refer to as an ‘Avila Bubble.’ Sure, just minutes north and south of me were other coastal towns worth becoming aquatinted with, but because I lived in the canyon and worked at the beach in breathtaking Avila, I naturally was content with spending the majority of my days there. Great hiking trails, mineral springs, an amazing beach, consistent blue skies, and one of the best coffee shops in the county had me coming back time and time again. I often asked myself, ‘what more could a girl ask for?’

Avila Beach is in fact my first true love; however there were certain aspects of the surrounding areas that I also developed feelings for. In Pismo Beach, I favored The Honeymoon Cafe & Giuseppe’s. In Shell Beach, The Cliffs Resort and Zoro’s. In San Luis Obispo, Novo & Granada Bistro were two faves. In Morro Bay, hands down Shine Cafe and Taco Temple! And in North

daughter of farmers and loves and trusts the earth, if nothing else. When I was a young child, we lived in York, Pennsylvania where the winters are long. At the first hint of spring, Mom would pull herself out of winter hibernation and depression to inspect the yard for signs of new life. I, too, came to look forward to the zealous sprouting of the gangly forsythia bush outside the bathroom window. The cold York winters nursed this plant along, so that come spring, it burst forth in a fiery mass of yellow tendrils. Completely untamed, the bush served as a colorful focal point in our springtime backyard landscape. And together with the tender pokes of the narcissus and daffodils, it ushered in the warmer weather.

Mom did all the landscaping herself. A small, nondescript hill that sloped to a gentle rise about twenty feet from the back of the house became a rock garden interspersed

County, I embarked on the most rewarding hike of all time on the Cerro Alto trail and tasted some of the most sensational wine from countless wineries.

I drank some of the most bold and beautiful coffee on the central coast, and this says a lot coming from a girl who just spent the last five years living south of Seattle, also known as the coffee capital! I consumed food that awaked my palate out of a dead sleep, and tasted wine that ultimately transformed me into a self proclaimed Zin bitch!

Eating, drinking and enjoying the outdoors was only part of this love affair, while devel-oping an array of relationships was the other. Like minded people were in abundance, which made the transition effortless. I went on so many first dates that if I never dated again, I would be perfectly content with that! I made many acquaintances, and some true friends that made my experience on the Central Coast a time to remember. The inter-actions I had with people over the past five months truly enriched my life and made a lasting imprint on my heart. These newfound relationships will surely not be forgotten.

with perennials and the occasional annual. She spent hours tending to that garden. I have an image of her in stylish shorts bent over her work, one hand patiently weeding among the rocks, the other clutching weeds already pulled. I doubt my mother knew how much I watched her. I longed for the kind of single-minded attention she gave her garden. Eventually, I realized that the best I could hope for was to join her in her love of it.

Today my mother reminds me to rotate my amaryllis so the long stem will continue to stand upright.

“And be sure to take a picture of it for me, will you?” she asks.

I promise that I will.

As we already know, relationships end, new relationships begin, people change- and in the end, life goes on---and we continue to live. So even though my relationship with Central California has now come to an end as I once knew it, my heart is secure in knowing that I’ll always have these memories to reflect back on: memories of new friend-ships flourishing, memories of a plethora of new and exciting experiences, memories of nourishing my body, mind, and soul in ways that I had only dreamed of.

The last time that I was in Sayulita was this past summer and it is where I fell in love with the world again. Sayulita inspired me to live the life that I had envisioned. A life full of passion and adventure where I have the freedom to do what I love and love all that I do! As I travel there now, I have a concise vision as to what will come to fruition during this next segment of this journey. Ahhh to love again. How sweet it is!

15Women’s Press May & June 2010 Local Perspectives

MilieuBy Kathy Bond

As a baby, Angie would get a ‘Queen Victoria-I-am-not amused’ expression on her face while sitting in her high chair when the world didn’t please her. I have the photo to prove it. At about age ten, her friend’s mis-matched tube socks pained her. As a teacher, she enjoyed planning, arranging, and deco-rating her classroom.

When the cancer spread to her lungs, Angie worked full-time but her house, and the landscaping and gardening around it, ran to seed. Nobody cleaned the rooms she’d painted and furnished. It looked and felt like a toxic-waste dump. She moved out.

Angie and her daughter Christina moved to a small, two-bedroom, two-bathroom apart-ment.

The new, small apartment proved easy to care for. It had white walls and a sunny exposure. When Tim, her 14-year old son, came on weekends, she had room for him. The location seemed ideal too, across from a shopping center, and down the street from the new library and middle school, and near Route 40.

I took the tiny white lights used for Christmas off the patio and draped them

behind the living room’s black wrought iron sculpture of a musical combo. They bright-ened the room on cold, cloudy winter days. Angie hung pictures and sayings such as Live, Love, Laugh. She placed decorative tiles around the fireplace. Christina wondered why her mother used her delicate, white, gold-trimmed, lilac floral dishes. I thought Why not? We used the set’s large teapot on at least two occasions.

Jeremy, her father, hung a huge barn painting of cats next to the Duncan Phyfe table, a family heirloom. Angie had used some of its leaves the previous Thanksgiving, when her sister, brother. and his family came.

Finally, she needed curtains for her room. She had her brother install rods, and then she took her wedding gown, and removed the sleeves and bodice. She cut the sheer organza panels and attached them to the rod with brass clips. The fabric shimmered and lent a glow to the room, where we often read Compline from the Book of Common Prayer.

She plied the Bereavement Counselor with rice pudding, the Hospice nurse with hummus and veggies, and the Bahamian cable guy with iced tea. Other visitors included her boss, family, and friends. She greeted everyone with a big smile, and didn’t utter a word of complaint.

To Love AgainBy Ashley Howard

During the drive down to Sayulita, I found myself ref lecting back on what a remark-able time I had in San Luis Obispo County. For maybe the first time in my life, time did not f ly by, nor stand still. Five months felt like five months, or at least what I imagine 5 months should feel like outside of living within a rat race. My time on the Central Coast, was just that- my time. I lived in the moment. My moment. I had some of the most incredible experiences of my life thus far.

I traveled to the Central Coast as a freshly single woman. I had spent the previous year in a relationship with a man that to this day I adore. A one of a kind guy who I know is meant to be ‘one’ with another, as certainly as I know that when I left Washington, it was time for me to be ‘one’ with myself. Within months of us parting ways, he found the one for him...and I found me. He fell in love...and so did I. He fell in love with her, and I fell in love with myself and the county of San Luis Obispo.

One aspect of the Central Coast that I truly embraced was the versatility. Each coastal town has something distinct to offer. Avila Beach was the coastal town that I felt drawn to from the moment that I arrived. After viewing several properties throughout the county during the first few days after my arrival, I knew that Avila Beach was where I would reside. For the first 3 months, I must admit that I lived in what I now refer to as an ‘Avila Bubble.’ Sure, just minutes north and south of me were other coastal towns worth becoming aquatinted with, but because I lived in the canyon and worked at the beach in breathtaking Avila, I naturally was content with spending the majority of my days there. Great hiking trails, mineral springs, an amazing beach, consistent blue skies, and one of the best coffee shops in the county had me coming back time and time again. I often asked myself, ‘what more could a girl ask for?’

Avila Beach is in fact my first true love; however there were certain aspects of the surrounding areas that I also developed feelings for. In Pismo Beach, I favored The Honeymoon Cafe & Giuseppe’s. In Shell Beach, The Cliffs Resort and Zoro’s. In San Luis Obispo, Novo & Granada Bistro were two faves. In Morro Bay, hands down

Shine Cafe and Taco Temple! And in North County, I embarked on the most rewarding hike of all time on the Cerro Alto trail and tasted some of the most sensational wine from countless wineries.

I drank some of the most bold and beautiful coffee on the central coast, and this says a lot coming from a girl who just spent the last five years living south of Seattle, also known as the coffee capital! I consumed food that awaked my palate out of a dead sleep, and tasted wine that ultimately transformed me into a self proclaimed Zin bitch!

Eating, drinking and enjoying the outdoors was only part of this love affair, while developing an array of relationships was the other. Like minded people were in abundance, which made the transition effortless. I went on so many first dates that if I never dated again, I would be perfectly content with that! I made many acquaintances, and some true friends that made my experience on the Central Coast a time to remember. The interactions I had with people over the past five months truly enriched my life and made a lasting imprint on my heart. These newfound rela-tionships will surely not be forgotten.

As we already know, relationships end, new relationships begin, people change- and in the end, life goes on---and we continue to live. So even though my relationship with Central California has now come to an end as I once knew it, my heart is secure in knowing that I’ll always have these memories to reflect back on: memories of new friend-ships flourishing, memories of a plethora of new and exciting experiences, memories of nourishing my body, mind, and soul in ways that I had only dreamed of.

The last time that I was in Sayulita was this past summer and it is where I fell in love with the world again. Sayulita inspired me to live the life that I had envisioned. A life full of passion and adventure where I have the freedom to do what I love and love all that I do! As I travel there now, I have a concise vision as to what will come to fruition during this next segment of this journey. Ahhh to love again. How sweet it is!

Photo by loleia

16 Women’s Press May & June 2010Local Perspectives

After all... joyBy Ginny Conrow

May I remind you? Have you forgotten? You are undeserving, you know.

Others may deserve joy, but, after all, you are not what you should be

and you know it. Just look at the rubble you’ve created, after all.

Remember the unmet goals, unfinished projects,

 unfulfilled expectations, imperfect emotions... and you expect joy? 

Really now, who are you kidding? After all, only the powerful,

the driven, the successful deserve joy.

Yes, yes, you have some noble attributes: intuitive compassion,

sensitivity, empathy,

a passion for beauty. Nothing stellar, mere signposts on the road

to nowhere. As for joy, you have to earn it!

I...stop!!! Stop right here! Breathe. Touching the silence in my soul,

the glowing core of my very being strengthens with each breath.

The Past is enveloped by Present light. And, after all,

my accuser does not have the final say. In the accuser’s silence, my soul allows God-words;

words of unconditional love, compassion and healing.

Words whispered in spirit language pulse through my senses,

leaving healing in their wake. I listen and I choose.

I choose joy...after all.

campfrench@aol.com I have been a healthcare worker for over 30 years. I am empathetic to the many mid-life women

who, like myself, are struggling to gain balance in the midst of working, care-giving and

coping with change.

Avatar Crit #2By Lisa Pimentel Johnson

Who would have thought a tall blue man with a wired tail could be so hot? I am addicted to romantic adventures spiced with lively verbal dialogue. In the film Avatar, James Cameron has created a sweet love story in full kaleidoscope of colors encased under a huge tree canopy with heavy armory. This movie was powerful to me because of the amazing imagination that the author had in creating this new world and characters for me to enjoy. I connected with the two young lovers and the challenges they faced. It was a collaboration of skills, intellect, and instinct that helped the two culturally diverse people overcome literally huge obstacles. I admire smart talking, confident, sassy women who can take care of themselves. I appreciate handsome, strong, and slightly bumbling men who step up to any challenge.

Weaving the current political and global environmental issues facing our world, the story became even more acutely meaningful to me. I thought it was a brilliant idea to send a message to the millions of people who will see this movie that we, as a nation, need to protect our natural resources and not let man’s greed-iness overwhelm us. I was humbled to be reminded of the simple beauty of an insect’s iridescent wings. We need to remember that life is priceless. We need to take care of each other regardless of race, culture, religion, or politics. There will be mistakes and casualties, but, hope-fully, we will learn from them and move forward again.

As for the warrior couple, a battle of the sexes has its merits and there is makeup time afterwards to enjoy.

With new predictions showing that by mid-year

women will have surpassed men in the workforce, what

are your reactions?

Barbara Atkinson

With the great gap that still exists between the top level CEO’s and company employees, with the huge amount of conglomerates, and with the wage gap between men and women still in effect, I suggest that more women in the workplace does not necessarily trans-late into high-paying jobs or equality. More women in the workplace may also be reflect-ing aspects of the difficult economic times we are in. I am grateful for, and don’t deny, the progress that has been made, but there is still much to be done.

Angie King

Now, it would be nice if the women were actually paid a wage equal to the men. April 20th was equal pay day - that day in 2010 when women’s earnings finally reached the same level of pay as men earned in 2009.

Angie King

I don’t know if it changed my life, but it cer-tainly has had an impact, and that’s Mary Daly’s Beyond God the Father: Toward a Philosophy of Women’s Liberation. published in 1973. The 70’s were a heady time in general, and she was a leader, acting on her principles and getting fired from Boston College in the process. She is/was (she just died this January) not afraid to say what we all felt. Check her out.

Kathleen Deragon

I’d be more interested in having statistics on how many of those jobs are family friendly: part-time with benefits, allow job sharing, have child care onsite, pay women equal to

men even if they work part-time, allow flex time and flex place when possible. Having more of us in the workplace isn’t necessar-ily a statistic we can be proud of if we work in an environment that does not respect and honor our being our children’s primary care-giver and so offer flexibility and adequate compensation.

Melanie Senn

Is this a boon for women’s lib or a consequence of the tanked economy--or both? Or neither? Hard to say. Women are working, in higher numbers than men. Hmmmm. Are they still earning $.75 on the dollar, these women? Are men still contributing far less than women when it comes to housework, cooking, and child care?

I support women working; I know I like to work (I refuse to add the phrase “outside the home”). In my case, I know that having a job makes me a better person--and a better spouse AND mother, but only because I really like my job. I hope the high numbers are women working because they want jobs, not because they desperately need them.

Caroline Janney

I think it is wonderful that there are many job opportunities for women. But it is not so good that they have surpassed men in the workforce just like they have surpassed men in the Universities. Women would like to find partners that are their equal. Who wants a man without a job or without an education? This has been a problem for African American women for some time—they cannot find men who are their equals.

Next month our Voices around the Table question is: Where do you find the most peaceful place to visit on the Central Coast?

Photo by Carl Dwyer

17Women’s Press May & June 2010 Local Perspectives

Drum Circle Magic, Part 10: Circular Empowerment By Francesca Bolognini

Welcome back to the circle. By now I hope to have given you a sense that a personal drumming practice can be an extraordi-narily empowering experience. But this aspect only hints at the energy that is derived from group participation. For at least as long as we have been human, we have engaged in collective rhythmic prac-tices. To drum together can be a deeply bonding act, especially when this is the intention. In the ancient world, such circles were an integral part of every celebration and event, be it seasonal, rite of passage, healing, or the start or resolution of conflict. In remaining tribal cultures, this is still the case.

something larger than themselves in a deeply moving, shared experience.

Learning to play mandolin, I practiced a piece which was actually a traditional Irish fiddle tune called “The Burning of the Piper’s Hut.” It mourned the village piper, who usually performed with a drummer, banned and banished by the English, because of the power of music to rally the Irish to possible rebellion. In Anti-bellum New Orleans, slaves were at first allowed to gather and drum in Congo Square. But before long this intense display of solidar-ity and strength of community was seen as a threat to the white population and banned. This led, by the way, to the practice of tap dancing, a method of drumming with one’s feet, which had a much less threatening appearance. I learned the art of tap from the

In the modern world, it is beginning again. Drum circles sprout up everywhere: Full Moon, New Moon, Solstice, Equinox, family gatherings and parties, spiritual and corporate retreats and conferences. People are gathering in living rooms, back yards, public halls, schools, parks, around camp-fires, on beaches.

Circles are again a means of healing, for cancer survivors, returning soldiers, abused and alienated youth, and in many other reha-bilitation settings. Drumming is again being used as a tool of conflict resolution, such as in the corporate world and between children from opposing sides of international disputes. Drumming together, they experience the “sameness” of participants rather than per-ceived differences. There is the opportunity for nonverbal exchange , a connection with

black shoe shine boys in the French Quarter when I was growing up. They were consum-mate performers, who, in those hard times, used the spare change they earned for food. I had great respect for their unrelenting and ingenious pursuit of their rhythmic heritage. We could all take a lesson from such value placed on cultural roots.

Our western heritage had been all but stripped of drumming and the sister art of dance by various elements seeking control over our motivations. At one point nearly all that remained was the military march, used to propel soldiers into battle. Community drumming and dancing for healing, cele-brating and peaceful solidarity is a profound method for restoring the nurturing feminine balance. Power to the Rhythm Sisters! Until next time, keep the beat!

Status of Women needs YOUBy Paulette Claire

The San Luis Obispo County Commission on the Status of Women can be your voice within our county. It has been an official advisory group to the Board of Supervisors in San Luis Obispo since 1975. During the spring and summer months of the year, the Commission on the Status of Women surveys our county’s women and reports back to the Board of Supervisors with their findings. Our county has unique challenges all its own, and we need your input so that your voice can be heard.

With your help, we can meet our objectives: 1) Equalization of women in our community, 2) Knowledge of women and their needs, 3) Collaboration and the use of resources in our community, 4) Provide to our govern-ment valuable solutions for women’s issues and concerns. It is your voice that we want speaking through us. Please take a moment to go to our website and download the survey. Your anonymity will be respected and your answers will be a part of a report presented to the Board of Supervisors.

The women serving as Commissioners come from all walks of life throughout the county, and they need your help so that women can be heard throughout the county. Go to the Commission’s website, slowomen.org, be

sure that you are on the home page, note that toward the center of the page you will see “SLO County Residents,” and click the “English Language” survey, download it onto your computer, print it, fill it out, and send it to the post office box listed below. Unfortunately, our Spanish version has not been placed on our website, but it is avail-able. For those who are interested call (805) 788-3406, and a survey will be sent out.

We, as women, live in a wonderful commu-nity in a time that gives women more and more opportunities. It is, however, still a time of inequalities for women, and we must gather our strength together, speak together, and let our needs and inequalities be heard. Do your part today, download the survey, print it, fill it out, and send it to us so that your voice can be heard. We can make a dif-ference one survey at a time.

Where to find us: San Luis Obispo County Commission on the Status of Women

Post Office Box 15116San Luis Obispo, CA 93406

(805) 788-3406 cosowo@gmail.com slowomen.org

18 Women’s Press May & June 2010Local Perspectives

Amazing LoveBy Brooks Thoman

He sat across from me with sad, troubled eyes, preoccupied with what? Was it worry, or loss, or maybe fear of what tomorrow might hold? I went ahead chattering on and on about this and that hoping that with enough diversion I could somehow lighten his load and bring a smile to his face, but no, the shadow still lingered there. I wished just this once he wouldn’t carry that huge sack filled with such heavy burdens and we could be young and light again, filled with carefree hearts only beating with love for each other and things above.

Eventually, I turned the subject to things that I thought might be of interest to him…work about this and that and he half-heart-edly answered. Then he blurted out, “Yeah, it’s all important, but none of it is as impor-tant to me as our relationship. What I really care about isn’t if we are going to be

able to raise funds to support the work or have enough money to pay our own bills, or even about the work in China or Kenya right now. What I really care about is what is happening with us. I am frustrated about our marriage. I really don’t know what else to do; you call it disconnection. I call it shut off and separated. I miss you; I want you back and I’m at a complete loss as to what to do about it.”

As I listened, I knew it was true. Emotions began to swell within my inmost being and my eyes filled with tears as I felt so sad at the hurt I had caused the man I loved most in the whole wide world. Every word he was saying and every word he wasn’t saying…all true. I had become so self-focused, so self-absorbed that all I had been thinking about was myself. He had tried to tell me before, but I hadn’t heard. I hadn’t wanted to hear. Now I saw the depth of hurt I had caused. We had agreed some 15 years ago that to go

forward into marriage, we would only settle for THE BEST, nothing less. And yet, I had settled for far, far less…for myself, for him, for us. Boldly I looked intently into his big blue eyes and declared, “I’m sorry, I’m so sad that I have caused you so much pain. It wasn’t my intention. I didn’t mean to hurt you or withdraw from you and our marriage the way I have. I know I have been mean and cruel at times and I’m sorry. It’s not what I want for you, for us, for our life together. Please, please forgive me.”

And, he did. He forgave. Then, we talked about simplicity: simple tools we know that speak love into our marriage, like remaking

our list of “20 things that you do that make me feel loved” and planning our day off to really be a day off--together. Days float by into weeks and then into months and even years and all can be lost. In this moment, in this day, I’m so grateful that our love for each other has been found.

Brooks Thoman is a wife and mom. She is a missionary who has a passion for oppressed women, especially in Africa, where she has established a Women’s Vocational Training Center in Kenya.

Military Women and PTSDSomething to think about this Memorial Day is what happens to women in the military when they are attacked, raped, harassed, and discriminated against by their own colleagues and superiors. We are in Year 9 of the Iraq War, now operating in Afghanistan as well, and possibly extending to Yemen or Somalia or both, with no end in sight, and our military personnel, men and women, are overstretched. But should the women be attacked by their own side as well as foreign enemies?

When women are traumatized, they’re often traumatized by people who are supposed to love or protect them. In a military setting, your commanding officer is an author-ity figure who is supposed to protect you. Your fellow officers or soldiers are supposed to have your back. So when one of them attacks you, it’s a huge betrayal. Sexual assault and severe sexual harassment — col-lectively known as military sexual trauma (MST) — is nearly epidemic in the armed services. And many women veterans report that the sense of betrayal is compounded — and the trauma and shame intensified — when the chain of command fails to act on a reported incident, minimizes it, or even punishes women who report assaults.

More than 190,000 military women have

served in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001. About 20 percent of servicewomen compared to only 8 percent of men develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a debilitating, life-threatening anxiety disorder that may affect as many as 300,000 veterans of the current wars. Women develop PTSD at more than twice the rate men do. The Department of Defense reports that 14.5 percent of female and 0.6 percent of male veterans visiting the Department of Veterans reported military sexual trauma, and these numbers are probably an underestimate. The women’s suffering, generally quieter, is far less publicized, far less researched, and until recently, far less treated. Before this war, its primary cause was sexual trauma, not combat trauma. But now, with women returning from combat deployments in greater numbers than ever before in U.S. history, the Department of Veterans Affairs is scrambling to meet a need whose scope is still unknown.

If you have experienced a sexual assault in the military or otherwise, it is important to take action right away. The United States Department of Health and Human Services (womenshealth.gov/faq/) provides informa-tion on sexual assault, as well as on what to do if you have been sexually assaulted. Information on MST and how to get help is also available through the National Center for PTSD (vetcenter.va.gov)

19Women’s Press May & June 2010 NOW News

The purpose of NOW is to bring women into full participation in the mainstream of American society NOW!This Page Presented by the National Organization for Women

NOW Chapter # CA 565PO Box 1306, SLO, CA 93406

SLONOW @ kcbx.nethttp://groups.myspace.com/~slonow

Get Involved — Join NOW!San Luis Obispo Chapter

National Organization for WomenEvery woman doesn’t have to join NOW,

just the 142 million who are discriminated against!

Name: ________________________________________________

Address: _____________________________________________

City/St/ZIP: ___________________________________________

Phone: ________________________________________________

Regular Dues ….$40, Sliding Scale…..$15-39

Send your check and this form to

PO Box 1306 SLO, CA 93406Chapter # CA 565slonow@kcbx.net Amount enclosed: _____________

General Meetings1060 Palm St., SLO

3rd Tuesday of every month at 6:00 pm

Coordinator’s Corner

NOW Calendar

By Angie King

The display at the SLO public library in March to commemorate Women’s History Month got lots of attention for NOW and women. For those of you who didn’t get a chance to see it, here are a couple of pictures. The Board of Supervisors issued a proclamation in honor of Women’s History Month as well, with a roomful of San Luis Obispo County’s distinguished women in the audience. It was quite a thrill!

You may have heard that the Cuesta College women’s tennis team got eliminated this year, as part of the budget cuts. That action ran afoul of the requirement of federal law that opportunities for participation in sports must be proportionate to the enrollment at the school. Eliminating one women’s team wholesale cuts that proportion below what is allowed. As a result, a Title IX federal complaint has been filed against Cuesta. The local chapter of NOW thinks this is an important issue that merits more coverage than just one article in the paper and a comment by the acting Cuesta College pres-ident that they will not be having a public meeting about the issue. Well, if they won’t, NOW will! We have a public discussion on this topic planned for May 6, although you may not get this issue of the newsletter until after the event. Diane Milutinovich, a now retired athletic director of Fresno State University, filed the complaint and will (or did) discuss it, along with California NOW gender equity advisor, Linda Joplin.

The big event last month (April) was the California State NOW conference, with a chance to participate in a webinar of the National NOW Board meeting. Three of us traveled to Irvine to participate. It was

• May 1: birthday of Mary Harris (Mother Jones) labor activist, 1830

• May 1: International Workers’ Day• May 6: International No Diet Day • May 18: NOW regular meeting, 6 PM

• June 1: Equal Pay Act becomes law, 1964

• June 12: US Women’s Air force estab-lished, 1948

• June 15: NOW regular meeting, 6 PM • June 18: Sally Ride, first woman in

space, 1983• June 19: birthday of Aung San Suu Kyi,

Burmese activist, 1945• June 19: Juneteenth, anniversary of

Emancipation Proclamation• June 22: birthday of Dianne Feinstein,

1933• June 22: Amelia Earhart files solo across

Pacific Ocean, 1932• June 23: Title IX becomes law, 1972• June 27: birthday of Helen Keller, 1880• June 28: NOW founded, 1966

an intense two days of discussion on the future of NOW, the future of women’s rights, our place in the political arena, and a lot of laughter and camaraderie among those attending. Here’s a picture of us at the conference (from L to R: Angie King, Pat Renshaw and Leslyn Keith).

There’s always more to do than time to do it in! NOW needs you to help! Join us. Fill in the membership form in this paper, or contact us at slonow@kcbx.net, or better yet come to our meetings on the third Tuesday of the month, and be sure to come May 6 to the Ludwig Center for the Women’s Sports program.

NOW Goals• Support reproductive choice• Work to eliminate ALL violence against women • Fight against sexual harassment• Encourage tolerance and diversity• Promote feminist issues• Commemorate Roe v Wade (Jan 22)• Celebrate Women’s Equality Day (Aug 26)• Participate in Farmer’s Market• Support feminist politics

20 Women’s Press May & June 2010NOW News

Reproductive Health News

May 9 is Mother’s Day

It has been three years since the Supreme Court’s conservative majority abruptly departed from precedent to uphold a federal ban on a particular method of abortion. Emboldened, foes of reproductive freedom are pressing new attacks on women’s rights and health.

• In Utah, Gov. Gary Herbert, a Republican, has signed a bill that would criminalize certain behavior by women that results in miscarriage. It was prompted by a sad and strange case last year in which a teenager who was seven months pregnant sought to induce a miscarriage by hiring a man to beat her. The measure exempts lawful abortions, and particularly worrisome language about “reckless” acts has been removed. But the law still raises concern about zealous pros-ecutors using a woman’s difficult choices to open an investigation.

Here’s some news of note about mothers and working families:

1. Maternal deaths are down for the first time in decades. Researchers are reporting a significant drop worldwide in the number of women dying each year from pregnancy and childbirth, to about 342,900 in 2008 from 526,300 in 1980. The findings, published in the medical journal The Lancet, challenge the prevailing view of maternal mortality as an intractable problem that has defied every effort to solve it.

The study cited a number of reasons for the improvement: lower pregnancy rates in some countries; higher income, which improves nutrition and access to health care; more education for women; and the increasing availability of “skilled attendants” — people with some medical training — to help women give birth. Improvements in large countries like India and China helped to drive down the overall death rates.

The new report comes from the University of Washington and the University of Queensland in Brisbane, Australia and was paid for by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Dr. Christopher J. L. Murray, the director of the institute for health metrics and evaluation at the University of Washington, in Seattle, and an author

- In Oklahoma, the Center for Reproductive Rights succeeded last week in blocking a burdensome measure designed to discour-age abortions by requiring pre-procedure sonograms and exempting physicians from liability for failing to disclose fetal abnor-malities. But the ruling turned on a technical flaw in the law, and its supporters are expected to try again.

• An even more ominous assault on repro-ductive freedom is looming in Nebraska. A blatantly unconstitutional measure moving through the State Legislature would ban abortions at 20 weeks’ gestation — before viability and earlier than constitution-ally allowed. Its narrow health exception excludes mental health. The bill prohib-its doctors from performing an abortion to avoid a serious risk that the woman may commit suicide.

of the study, noted one surprising statistic was the number of pregnant women who died from AIDS: about 60,000. “Really to a large extent that’s why maternal mortality is rising in eastern and southern Africa,” Dr. Murray said. “It means, to us, that if you want to tackle maternal mortality in those regions, you need to pay attention to the management of H.I.V. in pregnant women. It’s not about emergency obstetrical care, but about access to antiretrovirals.”

An advocate for women’s health, Dr. Flavia Bustreo, director of the Partnership for Maternal, Newborn and Child Health, said the improvements described in the new report represented “hope at last,” and suggested the new data should encourage politicians to spend more on pregnancy-related health matters. “For 20 years, the safe motherhood movement has been con-veying an impression of no progress,” Dr. Bustreo said. “To hear confirmation of improvements is good news. To us, the good news will maintain the interest of investors. If you don’t show results, that’s the worst position you can be in. The evidence and scientific truths have to be put in the open and discussed.” (from the New York Times)

2. Birthrates in the US are dropping. A new report released by the Centers for Disease

Control and Prevention in Atlanta noted the first drop in the birth rate since 2000, due, at least in part, according to the CDC, on the recession. About 4.2 million babies were born in 2008, a 2% drop from 2007, and information for the first quarter of 2009 indicates a continuation of that trend. Birth rates in all age and demographic catego-ries dropped, except for women over age 40, who showed a 4% increase in 2008. Some speculated that more sophisticated assisted reproductive services may account for this increase, as well as the imperative of the ticking biological clock. That women are delaying pregnancies because of the reces-sion was corroborated by a report from the Pew Research Center, which found those states hit hardest by the recession showed the lowest birth rates. Teen birth rates dropped 2%, with the rate for Hispanic teenagers accounting for a large portion of that statistic. More babies were carried to term in 2008, decreasing the risk of infant mortality (from the LA Times).

3. Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis reports on working families. Secretary Solis was the keynote speaker at the California Working Families Summit in Sacramento in February this year, outlining her vision for the depart-ment, and in particular, for women. Her vision of a good job includes increasing

incomes, fair compensation, and workplace flexibility; safe and healthy workplaces with a voice for workers; and sustainable and innovative jobs, providing opportuni-ties to acquire skills and knowledge for the future – like green jobs, all of which will help restore the middle class. However, she pointed out that women still hold the majority of low wage jobs; women still face discrimination and harassment in the work place, and the pay gap still exists. She pointed out some gains for women, includ-ing the Family and Medical Leave Act, the recent Lily Ledbetter Act, and the creation of the White House Council on Women and Girls, and noted that the Labor Department budget includes a fund to encourage states to provide state level family leave programs and allocates money for job training, finan-cial education, and forums on work-life policies. The conflict women face in employ-ment between caring for their families and furthering their careers affects all of us. Millions of families depend on the wages of women for their support. Yet, problems persist, particular in health care coverage for low wage jobs and paid sick leave policies, and lack of appropriate childcare. She pledged the support of her Department and the Obama Administration in working towards solutions for these issues.

The obvious goal here is to present the Supreme Court with a new vehicle for further watering down Roe v. Wade. That is troubling enough, but lately another tactic is being deployed to demonize abortion and abortion providers and further polarize the nation. Citing the disproportionately high number of African-American women who undergo abortions, for example, abortion foes are hurling baseless charges of genocide and racial discrimination. Since last year, a staff member of Georgia Right to Life has been traveling to black churches and colleges, spreading the lie that abortion is the key to conspiracy to kill off blacks. Recently, the group posted dozens of bill-boards around Atlanta that proclaim, “Black children are an endangered species.”

In fact, of course, there is no conspiracy. The real reason so many black women have abortions can be explained in four words: too many unwanted pregnancies.

Even in this charged debate, phony accusa-tions of genocide should be out of bounds, but political forces that oppose abortion are pursuing a focused, often successful campaign. Americans who support women’s reproductive rights need to make their voices heard. (from the NY Times)

And of course, the baseless attacks continue about federal funding for abortions under the newly passed federal health care (insurance) reform bill. While the Hyde amendment has prohibited the use of any federal money to pay for abortions for 35 years, the new bill makes it severely cumber-some to the point of near impossibility for a women with health insurance under the terms of the new bill, to obtain an abortion even with her own money. It is high time, says Patty Bellasalma, CA NOW state presi-dent, to work to repeal Hyde. NOW will be focusing on a campaign to do just that in the coming months and year.

21Women’s Press May & June 2010 Bulletins

California’s Energy Vision

Women and the future of energy

Cal Poly Chumash AuditoriumMay 10, 2010Public Event: 12 –2 PM

Private reception: 3-5 PM (call for reserva-tion 805 704 1810) or contact Rochelle at: rochelle@a4nr.org

Four exciting women energy experts will come to San Luis Obispo May 10, 2010 to share their vision of California’s energy future. In addition, the forum will include a special guest moderator. This is the first forum in California to bring together women clean energy providers, electric consumer advocates, and energy policy analysts to discuss what women can do to protect ratepayers, encourage clean energy and affect the policies shaping our future.

Julie Blunden The Vice-President of Public Policy and Corporate Communication for Sun Power will share her history in the renewable power industry and SunPower’s plans to create innovated solar projects in San Luis Obispo County.

Haley Goodson has been a staff attorney at TURN (The Utility Reform Network) since 2003. Haley’s legal work is focused on consumer protection and renewable/efficiency energy programs.

Carla Peterman is a doctoral candidate in the Energy and Resources Group, University of California Berkeley. Carla’s primary research interests are renewable energy, technology innovation, and climate change mitigation policy.

Catherine Kunkel is a PhD candidate in the Energy and Resources Group at the University of California, Berkeley. Her work so far has been focused on state and local climate policies.

Sponsored by: The SWANS Project of the Alliance for Nuclear Responsibility, Empower Poly, Transition Towns. Visit a4nr.org for more inforation.

Where to find Women’s PressAll Libraries and the following exceptionally fine establishments!

• NORTH COUNTY: Atascadero – The Coffee House and Deli, Starbuck’s at Von’s Plaza, Green Goods, Player’s Pizza, Harvest Health Food Store, North County Connection, Senior Center, Women’s Resource Center/Shelter Office, Curves. Paso Robles – Cuesta College North Campus, Café Vio, Curves, DK Donuts, Panolivo French Cafe, NCI Village Thrift Shop, Paso Robles Health Foods; Templeton – Twin Cities Hospital, Templeton Market & Deli, Affinity Chiropractic, Kinship Center, Jobella’s Coffee; Santa Margarita– Santa Margarita Mercantile.

• NORTHERN COAST: Baywood – Coffee & Things; Cambria – Cambria Connection, Cambria Pines Lodge, Chamber of Commerce, Gym One, Azevedo Chiropractic, Lilly’s, Alloco’s, Cambria Drug and Gift, Bob & Jan’s Bottle Shop, Linn’s, Donna’s Nail Salon, Cookie Crock, Rainbow Bean and Coffee Shop; Cayucos – Cayucos Super Market, Kelley’s EsPresso & Dessert, Ocean Front Pizza, Chevron Station, Mobile Balloons; Los Osos – Starbuck’s, Baywood Laundry, Cad’s, Carlock’s Bakery, Chamber of Commerce, Copa de Oro, Garden Café, Los Osos Deli Liquor, Volumes of Pleasure; Morro Bay – Backstage Salon, Coalesce Bookstore, Coffee Pot Restaurant, The Rock, Southern Port Traders, Sunshine Health Foods, Two Dogs Coffee, La Parisienne Bakery.

• SAN LUIS OBISPO: Broad St. Laundry, Cool Cats Café, La Crepes, Edna Market, Booboo Records, Creekside Center, GALA, Marigold Nails, Palm Theatre, Susan Polk Insurance, Utopia Bakery, Unity Church, Zoe Wells, Naturopath, Cal Poly Library and Women’s Center, Center for Alternatives to Violence, Chamber of Commerce, Cuesta College Library, EOC Health Services Clinic, HealthWorks, Healing Alternatives, Laguna Laundry, Linnaea’s, Monterey Express, Natural Foods Coop, New Frontiers, Nautical Bean, Outspoken Beverage Bistro, Phoenix Books, Planned Parenthood, West End Espresso & Tea, San Luis Obispo Housing Authority Office, SARP, The Secret Garden, SLO Perk Coffee, Spirit Winds Therapy, The Studio Fitness for Women, Uptown Cafe, Yoga Centre, Ahshe Hair Salon, Apropos Clothing, Soho Hair Salon, Hempshak, YMCA, KCBX, Salon on Monterey, Jaffa Café, Med Stop (Madonna Plaza), World Rhythm and Motion, Steynberg Gallery, Correa Chiropractic, High St. Deli, Sunset N. Car Wash, Jamaica You, United Blood Services.

• SOUTH COUNTY: Arroyo Grande – Mongo’s, Act II Boutique, Central Coast Yoga, CJ’s Restaurant, Curves-AG, Cutting Edge, EOC Health Services Clinic, Girls Restaurant, Grande Whole Foods, Chameleon; Avila Beach– Avila Grocery, Custom House, Sycamore Hot Springs, Inn at Avila, Joe Mamma’s; Grover Beach – Back Door Deli, Cindi’s Wash House, Nan’s Pre-owned Books, Therapeutic Body Center, 30-minute Fitness; Halcyon – Halcyon Store; Nipomo – Anna’s Creekside Coffee House, Healing Touch Spa, Curves, La Placita Market, Healthy Inspirations, World Gym, Trendy Sister Salon, Senior Centers; Pismo Beach – Honeymoon Café, Pismo Athletic Club, RETurn to JOY!; Shell Beach – De Palo & Sons Deli, Seaside Cafe, Steaming Bean.

• SANTA MARIA: Café Monet, Hunter’s Landing, Library, Curves on Main and on Broadway, Lassen’s.

• ORCUTT: Loading Dock, Oasis Spa.

but he rarely turns on his cell phone, and he pretends he doesn’t know how to access voice messages. I could email him, but he rarely checks email. Sometimes I type “mother” in the subject line and hope. I try his office only in emergencies.

I could be annoyed and huffy, but that would get me nowhere. I consider myself fortunate when I ponder the flip side: I would be miserable if my children called daily with problems or requests for a new car or money or lived at home. The simple facts are I miss my children more than they miss me, and although I am always happy to hear from them, they are not always happy to hear from me. When they left for college, I learned to await child-initiated calls. If they called, they wanted to visit.

It doesn’t hurt to ask for more communica-tion, but a wise parent prepares herself to be turned down. And she accepts the friend-ship her child offers—as she does from another friend.

Never CallsContinued from page 10

Cuesta and Women’s Sports:

Changing the Score

Where: Ludwig Center, SLOWhen: Thursday, May 6, 2010 from 6-8 PM

Do you play women’s sports—or think you might want to? Come find out about your rights under federal law.

Hear Diane Milutinovich and Linda Joplin, two well known experts in the area of gender equity in sports, discuss the recent events at Cuesta College and how we can help make sure women’s sports are protected from further cuts!

Free and open to the public.

Refreshments will be served

Sponsored by SLO NOW and SLO AAUW

22 Women’s Press May & June 2010Resources

ABUSEAdults Molested as Children Support Group (AMAC) Rape Survivors Support Group, SLOSupport Group for Sexual Assault Survivors545.8888Center for Alternatives to Domestic Violence781.6406North County Women’s Shelter & Resource Center,(inc. domestic violence support groups) 461.1338SARP (Sexual Assault Recovery & Prevention)545.8888 or 800.656.HOPE (4673)Women’s Shelter Program of SLO781.6401 www.womensshelterslo.orgADDICTIONSAA Meeting541.3211Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)498.2176Al-Anon534.9204Cambria Connection (12 step support)927.1654Casa SolanaWomen’s Recovery Home 481.8555Chemical Dependency intensive outpatient program 541-9113Compulsive Eaters Anonymous, H.O.W. Concept546.1178 www.ceahow.orgDrug & Alcohol Services781.4275Narcotics Anonymous549.7730 and 800.549.7730Overeaters Anonymous541.3164SCA, SLAA & SAA (Sex, Love & Romance Addictions)461.6084TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly)929.1789 www.tops.orgWomen for Sobriety215.536.8026 www.womenforsobriety.org CHILDREN & FAMILIESBirth and Baby Resource Center546.3755 www.bbrn.orgChildcare Resource Connection 541.2272 or 800.727.2272Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA)“A child’s voice in Court in SLO County”541.6542Children’s Services Network781.1847First 5: Children & Families Commission781.4058; ask for Susan HughsHomeschooling in SLO County (HSC)462.0726; ask for Barbara

La Clinica De Tolosa 238.5334La Leche League489.9128Migrant Childcare Program 544.4355 and 466.3444MOMS Club of South SLO county473.2548; www.southslomomsclub.orgPartnership for Children541.8666; ask for BethReal F.A.C.T.S. (Forum on Abused Children)460.9016Social Services781.1600Support for Kids Coping with Domestic Violence473.6507EMERGENCY/CRISISHotlinewww.slohotline.org 800.549.8989Sexual & Rape Prevention (SARP)545.8888 or 800.656.HOPE (4673)Temporary Restraining Order & Victim Witness Program 781.5821EMOTIONAL SUPPORTA.D.A.P.T. (Aid in Divorce Adjustment Problems Today)543.0388Alzheimer/Dementia Resource Center800.443.1236Alzheimer’s Association547.3830CALL–Concerned Agoraphobics Learning to Live543.3764Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)542.0577 (SLO), 927.1654 (Cambria), 466.8600 (North County)Community Counseling Center543.7969Creative Mediation549.0442Dealing With Divorce544.9313Depresson and Bipolar Support Alliance Group927.3703Divorce Discussion Group489.2990, saintbarnabas@sbcglobal.netEating Disorders Support Group 546-3774; free, meets weekly in SLOGrief Drop-In Support Groups544.2266, multiple meetings avail.Project Lifesaver548.0909 www.projectlifesaverofslo.orgSafe and Sober Support Group473.6507St. Barnabas (Depression/Divorce/Grief)489.2990 www.stbarnabas.ag.orgTransformations Counseling CenterFree monthly workshops 541.7908

AdriftContinued from page 11

ahead on the project.

San Luis native Sandy Rodriguez, CNM kindly allowed me to use her as an example of how just one midwife can make a differ-ence. She has caught babies in our hospitals for 27 years now. I calculated how much money she had saved our community over the years and came up with a stagger-ing $12.3 to $24.7 million dollars saved and 300 to 600 women spared from undergo-ing major abdominal surgery as part of their birth process.

In June it was time to join our small craft with the Democratic Party’s Armada so we sat down with Betsy Umhofer from Rep. Capps’ office to float our ideas for the health care bill. She listened with respect and interest as our panel somewhat ner-vously presented our information. It felt good to make our case and have someone really listen. Ms. Umhofer explained that Congresswoman Capps was interested in what we had to say and had a staff member in D.C. who was currently working on women’s health issues. She graciously accepted our packet and said she would pass it along to her counterpart in Washington

So now we were tied to Lois Capps’ ship: to come sailing in with flying colors or sink into the murky depths never to be heard from again. I felt very heroic sailing out within that shining Armada to battle upon the high sea. As the summer wore on and into the fall, I became increasingly depressed watching our fleet going round and round caught in a whirlpool of bitter political rhetoric. In the winter I began to despair that the whole adventure would be for naught especially after seeing the whole country stalled in the doldrums of ridicu-lous political posturing. In February, I was feeling downright mutinous. Would we be forever adrift on this never ending sea of compromise? And then March 22 came and I received an e-mail from the Mama Campaign. We did it!

On the day President Obama signed the health care bill, he made history for women across America: women who want to birth with midwives in freestanding birth centers; women who want to birth with people who believe in and respect the innate power of women to bring their babies into this world safely and peacefully. And I felt like Jason

triumphantly sailing into port clutching the Golden Fleece.

True it isn’t the whole Fleece; midwives who help women give birth in the privacy of their own homes will still not be covered by Medicaid, but it is an historic start with the potential to lead birth in a whole new direction in this country. It is after all only a baby step, but as mothers, we understand just how far baby steps can lead.

• California Maternal Death Rate 1996: 5.6 mothers die per 100,000 live births.

• 2006: 16.9 mothers die per 100,000 live births.

California’s rate is even worse than the national rate which is 13.3. My guess as to why we are higher is a deadly combina-tion of cultural factors, fear of liability by doctors, and Hollywood stars fueling a “too posh to push” mentality.

Here is a question I would like answered. Where does the fact that we have gone back to the “once a cesarean always a cesarean” policy fit into this picture? How can a woman be an informed consumer when choosing between the risks of having a repeat cesarean versus the risks of trying for a vaginal birth after a cesarean if doctors are keeping the facts about the risks from us?

So if someone is recommending to you to schedule an induction simply because you are at week 40, basically picking a day for your baby’s birth by signing up for a trip to the Operating Room, don’t make your decision lightly because your life may depend on the decision you make. Consider first: Do you have any other indications that your health or your baby’s health needs you to take this risky step? Is your blood pressure too high? Is your baby no longer growing or showing other clear signs of being in distress? Women will often be frightened by stories of healthy placentas magically turning into degrading placentas the moment they are at 40 weeks plus 1 day. Yes, all placentas will begin to break down at some point. For some women it will start at week 38 and for others at week 43. The only way to know about your placenta is to monitor the health of your baby through nonstress tests and ultrasound. Remember there are times when the very best choice for you and your baby is an induction or cesarean surgery, but only if there are clear indications of current risk.

23Women’s Press May & June 2010 Resources

FINANCE/BUSINESSConsumer Credit Counseling Services800.540.2227GAY & LESBIANGay and Lesbian Alliance of the Central Coast 541.4252PFLAG.Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays438.3889SOL (Single Older Lesbians)Mostly socializing! Call 474.9405HOSPICEHospice of SLO County, AIDS Bereavement Group544.2266 and 434.1164Hospice Partners of the Central Coast782.8608JOBS/CAREERSAARP788.2643Cal Poly FoundationJobline 756.7107 www.calpolyfoundation.orgCal Poly Universityhttp://calpolyjobs.org 756.1533Cuesta Collegehttp://www.cuesta.edu Jobline 546.3127The Creekside Career Center788.2600 or 237.3014 www.slocareers.orgDepartment of Rehabilitation549.3361Mission Community Services CorporationWomen’s Business Partners595.1357 www.mcscorp.orgPrivate Industry Council (PIC)www.jobhunt.org 788.2601 LEGALCalifornia Rural Legal Assistance544.7994Core Mediation Services544.6334 medeee8@aol.comCreative Mediation549.0442District Attorney’s Office – Victim Witness Center781.5821Family Law Facilitator788.3418Lawline788.2099Lawyer Referral and Information Service541.5502Pro Per Divorce Workshop544.9313Senior Legal Services543.5140

MEDICAL SUPPORT/SERVICES ALS Support Group (Lou Gehrig’s Disease)227.4785 or 674.4162Alzheimer’s Support547.3830, 534.9234 (SLO/Los Osos)888.488.6555American Cancer SocietySan Luis Obispo 543.1481, 238.9657Templeton 434.3051Anorexia Nervosa & Bulimia Support Group541.9113Arthritis Foundation892.5556Cancer/ Breast Cancer Support Groups543.1481 ext. 3 for informationCaregivers of Aging Parents543.7969Celiac Disease Support Group226.9893Endometriosis Associationwww.endometriosisassn.orgEnhancement, Inc. (for breast cancer survivors)771.8640 www.enhancementinc.comEOC Health Services Clinicsno or low cost reproductive health services544.2478 (SLO); 489.4026 (Arroyo Grande) Healthworks of the Central CoastNo or low cost reproductive health services542.0900Hearst Cancer Resource Center542.6234IC Interstiti al Cystitis/Painful

Bladder Syndrome3rd Thursday, SLO, 7 -9 pm 464-0564Long-term Care Ombudsman Services of SLO County785.0132Lymphedema Education & Support Group2nd Monday, 4-5 pm, 782-9300Parkinson’s Support Groups466.7226 (Atascadero/Templeton)481.7424 (Arroyo Grande)541.8633 (SLO) Planned ParenthoodSLO 549.9446Stroke Support Group471.8102 (SLO)Caregivers of Stroke Survivors544.2266 (SLO)The Wellness Community - Cancer Support238.4411Women’s Support/Therapy v (general)534.1101Women’s Healthcare Specialists544.4883

POLITICALCode Pinkwww.codepinkslo.org; ososousaville@charter.netCommission on Status of Women788.3406; www.slowomen.orgDemocratic Women United541.4252League of Women Voters543.2220NOW (National Organization for Women)www.kcbx.net/~slonow/ slonow@kcbx.netREADERS/WRITERSAdult Literacy 541-4219Creative Writing Group748-2676; contact GloriaNightwriters549.9656; contact Shirley PowellSisters in Crimehttp://SinC-CCC.blogspot.comSENIORSAdult Day Care489.8894 (Arroyo Grande); 434.2081 (Templeton); 927.4290 (Cambria)Adult Protective Services 781.1790Caring Callers547.7025 x 17Computerooters: Computer help: 489.6230Department of Social Services:In-Home Support 781.1790Nursing help for the terminally ill 781.5540Elder and Dependent Adult Advocacy and Outreach – Victim Witness Assistance Center781-5821Foster Grandparents.Senior Companions782.9200Senior Peer CounselingFree, trained in.home counseling for 60+547.7025 ext. 15SPIRITUALAwakening Interfaith Spiritual CommunityMeditation, Sunday Services, Classes.Open to all. 772-0306 awakeninginterfaith.orgCircle of Spiritual Enlightenment541.1963; www.spiritualcircle.org

Hungry Hearts Spiritual CommunityRC liturgy with womanpriest 546.8672New Beginnings ChurchEvery Sunday, Coalesce Bookstore, MBSelf-Realization Fellowship Sunday Services 995-1599WOMEN’S CENTERS/SHELTERSHomeless Shelter781-3993Housing Authority543.4478North County Women’s Resource Center, Shelter461.1338Prado Day Center (for the homeless)786.0617 www.pradodaycenter.orgWomen’s Community Center, SLO544.9313Women’s Shelter Program of SLO549.8989 (crises), 781.6401 (business)www.womensshelterslo.orgOTHER WOMEN’S ORGANIZATIONSAltrusa International, Inc.481.1039; Cici Wynn, PresidentAmerican Association of University Women781-0922 Karen www.aauw.orgCamping Women 440.2723 www.campingwomen.orgHadassah.SLO543.9452OTHER GROUPS & GATHERINGSCentral Coast Peace and Environmental Council544.3399 or 783.2383Uplift Group Singing and SupportSunday @ 6pm, at the Senior Center 1455 Santa Rosa.

Please send additions, corrections or deletions to: womenspress.slo@gmail.com or leave a message at the WCC: 805.544.9313. Last update 5/3/10.

Women’s Community CenterPO Box 15639San Luis Obispo, CA 93406805 544-9313

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