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Get your monthly dose of humor with the current digital edition of Uncle Andy's Digest today!
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GET YOUR DIGEST ON!FREE
September 2013.comUNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
Valid on College Night Only9/18/13 5pm-close
$3 Crazy Sushi Rolls • Live Music • Bar Games! 4-7pm 7pm
40 East Ave., Lewiston
795-6888
865 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 333-3004
LIQUIDSUNSHINECAR WASH & DETAIL
Will do, Rick!
See the back cover to see how we did.
Treat her gently, guys!
Dino
20% OFF food in the lounge when you present your student or faculty ID
Welcome Back Party!!Wednesday, Sept. 18th • 5pm-close
COLLEGE NIGHT
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 20132
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
The key to a good home based business is discipline. So every morning I get up at 5am and go straight to my computer and sleep in the chair until 7.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they cantrain people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Lewie & Clark
Top Ten SignsYou've Bought aLemon of a Car
Submitted by Jim Benson
10. Your tinted win-dows are alsoknown as HeftyGarbage Bags.
9. The car reaches itsoptimum speedwhen going downhill.
8. The hi-tech stereosystem often re-quires a new needle.
7. The rear-view mirrorsays, "Objects inMirror Are BetterThan This Piece ofJunk."
6. The odometer on thedashboard is not assophisticated as theeveryday abacus.
5. Traffic Watch warnsother drivers whathighway you're taking.
4. The sticker on thewindshield says,"Batteries Not In-cluded."
3. You fill up the tankwith UnleadedCoals.
2. You can only go torestaurants that offerValet Pushing.
1. When you approachhitchhikers, they puttheir thumbs down.
I'm in the prime of my life: in that 53 is an irreducible integer.
I was looking for a career. I think that pyrotechnics spark my interest.
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA
SEPTEMBER 2013
Thursday, Sept 5thSchemengee’s 4 – 7pm(Chapter 10589)551 Lincoln St, Lewiston$7.50 Member; $8.50 Guest
Sunday, Sept 8thKC Breakfast8am – 10am(Chapter 7938)Columbus Dr, Brunswick$4 Member; $5 Guest Child/under 10 free
Tuesday, Sept 10thLuiggi’s 4 – 7pm(Chapter 12907)63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest
Thursday, Sept 12thCenter St Café 7 – 10am(Chapter 12749)945 Center St. Auburn$5 per Member; $5.50 Guest
Sunday, Sept 15thFlagship Cinema(Chapter 8609)Lewiston/Auburn$4 Member; $5 Guest
Tuesday, Sept 17thDairy Queen 4 – 7pm(Chapter 14346)661 Minot Ave, Auburn$4.50 Member; $5 Guest
Tuesday, Sept 24thPizza Hut 11:30 – 1pm(Chapter 10929)Rt 26, Norway$5 Member; $5.50 Guest
Wednesday, Sept 25thGrid Iron 4 – 7pm(Chapter 14437)1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston$8 Member; $9 Guest
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWEDPrices, Dates and Menu are subject tochange. If additional info is needed, pleasecall our office, please do not call restau-rants. All activities can only be attended atthe times listed.*************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up theweek prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (exclud-ing Holidays). Call 782-1833.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 20134
I was in court today with the airline over missing luggage. They lost the case.
Continental Congress changed the name of the United Colonies to the United States on September 9, 1776.
Uncle Andy’s Digestis published by the first
Friday of every month byMaine Mountain Ocean
Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.
It is distributed free through-out Central Maine and mailed
to subscribers all over theworld. Subscriptions are
$30/year. Send a $30 checkmade out to
Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363,
Auburn, ME 04212
Uncle Andy’s
DigestMAILING ADDRESS:
PO Box 3363
Auburn, ME 04212
E-MAIL: [email protected]
PHONE: 207 783-7039
FAX: 207 777-3898
www.UncleAndys.com
Staff
JIMBO
#3 off to College
UNCLE ANDY
America’s Most
Wanted
MAGGIE
Maggie May
MARTY
Straight up the Middle
ANGIE
Bachelorette No More
TOM
Trailer without Wheels
PAM
Triple Duty
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in ourclient’s advertisements and our publication ingeneral, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inac-curacies, product pricing errors, or omissions.
Pinning pictures on a bulletin board seems a bit tacky to me.
FREE CONSULTATIONS
Affordable DenturesPoorly fitting or broken dentures
repaired on-site, usually same-day service!
SMILE AGAIN DENTURESMike & Joe
Adkins,licensed
denturists
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
514-0660www.smileagaindentures.com
QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK
Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards
See us for:• Full Dentures• Immediate Dentures
• Rebases• Relines• Repairs
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 5UNCLEANDYS.COM
Mice, whales, elephants, giraffes and man all have seven neck vertebra.
How do Vikings communicate? Norse code.
www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com
995 Center St. AuburnNext to Appliance Warehouse and
Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators
784-3100Visit our brand new showroom
10x12 OAKKITCHEN WITHCOUNTERTOP
$1,999
KITCHENSolutionsDESIGN & SALES CENTER
Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops
StacyStacyBruceBruce
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
Autumn Raymond
Pay no attention to what is
behind my hand!
Moe Morin
Sarah Wanser and Jasmine Clarke
I’m coming
for YOU!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 20136
What did the papa buffalo say to the baby buffalo as he went to work? Bison!
“I need my sleep. Eight hours a day, and about ten at night.” – Bill Hicks
www.cassiels.com
71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON(207) 783-3321
THE KIDSARE BACK
IN SCHOOL,NOW IT’STIME TO
GET BACKTO YOU!
We sell a full line of Bare Escentuals Mineral Makeup
❧ Herbal Body Wraps
❧ Pumpkin Sugar Scrub
❧ After Sun Treatment
❧ Autumn Package
❧ Harvest Package
Fabulous Fall Packages We are a full service salon
❧ Hair❧ Body Waxing❧ Facials❧ Pedicures❧ Spa Packages❧ Massage❧ Electrology❧ Manicures❧ Bridal Packages❧ Permanent Make-up
Gift Cards available 24/7
at cassiels.com!
Book your appointment &buy gift cards righton our website!
Specials
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
Dave Rossingnol & Paul Landry
Autumn, Sarah & Angelique
Jay Novella
OfficialRicky Fowler
Apparel Consultant
These Gipper’s girls areup to no good...
AGAIN!
We’re gonna plaster these guys
with water balloons...they won’t see what
hit ‘em!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 9UNCLEANDYS.COM
Real diamonds do not show up on x-ray.
Call Dianaor Larry formore info
and pricing!
Catering Division • 345-9009 www.dadsplace.info
There’s
NO PLACE like... Dad’s PlaceDad’s Place
Professional serviceat an affordable price
Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering
Indoor or Outdoor
One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all!
We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event
Weddings
Summer BBQ
Corporate Functions Reunions
There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.
"I am thankful to all those who said NO. Because of them, I did it myself." – Albert Einstein
Dad’s Place23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
Your Choice$10Only
There’s NO PLACE like...
Giant 1-topping pizza 2 Large Boghooters
3 Large Italians 2 Small Appetizers
IN BUSINESS
or
(Breaded Mushrooms, Broccoli & Cheese, Jalapeno Poppers or Mozzarella Sticks)
(Ham, Pepperoni, Veggie or Salami)
oror
CELEBRATINGFREE
COFFEE FRIDAY!Free 20 oz. coffee
with purchase of Breakfast Sandwich
every Friday in September!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201310
Monthly observances in September include: Apple Month, Chicken Month, and Little League Month.
Did you know A termite can live 30 years?
No Registration FEE
946-KIDS
When you enroll in September
We offer preschool & toddlerprograms, separate rooms foreach age group, and a large
outdoor play area!NEW HOURS! 6am - 6pm301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene
Early Learning Center
• Marine Canvas (Boats/Yachts)
• Cushions (Boat/Home)
• Upholstery (Boat/Home/Auto)
• Metal Fabrication • Repair
41 Millett Drive • Auburn, Maine 04210
783-5600
Call about FREE Boat Storage for Winter Work
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
Colby, Chris, Sarah & Autumn
Steve LeBlanc & John Whited
Joel Cummings
You really want to mess with
all of this!?
Now let’s talkabout who’s #1.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 11UNCLEANDYS.COM
Because heat expands the metal, the Eiffel Tower always leans away from the sun.
The smell of freshly cut grass is actually a plant distress call.
WOW! Don’t spend $18 at thebeauty salon, get your...
Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.
$12Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts
Marcel’sBarber Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn
783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;
Sat 7:30am - 2pm
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
Brad’s Precision AutoANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...
• Appointments required, please call first• Fully warranteed & certified• $58/hr labor rate
NO PROBLEM!Brad Ryan Steve
333-0364
Call ustoday!
RollodromeRollodromeWhere Good Skaters Meet
Since1954
Available for private parties
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940www.rollodrome.com
FALL SCHEDULE BEGINS SEPT. 7th
Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm
Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00
Sat. & Sun. - 1:30 - 4:00pm
Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm
Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm
Walking or Riding
Submitted by Jimbo
Larry is playing a roundof golf with his buddies.On the sixth hole, ahole over water, heproceeds to flub nineballs into the water.Frustrated over hispoor golfing ability, andabout ready to hitsomebody, he heaveshis golf clubs into thewater, and begins towalk off the course.
Then all of a suddenhe turns around andjumps in the lake, hisbuddies apparentlythinking he is going toretrieve his clubs.When he comes out ofthe water he doesn'thave his clubs and be-gins to walk off thecourse again.
Then one of his bud-dies asks, "Why didyou jump into thelake?"
Larry said, "I left mycar keys in the bag."
Riddle Me This
Q: Joe was out for awalk when it started torain. He did not havean umbrella and hewasn't wearing a hat.His clothes weresoaked, yet not a sin-gle hair on his head gotwet. How could thishappen?
A: Joe is bald.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201312
Some daze I just can’t seem to focus.
My friend and I are going to drive across the southern states of America, just to see how long it Texas.
Teachers Make a Difference!Ann’s
Flowers14 Millett Drive, Auburn
782-3457AnnsFlower.com
Let them know with flowers!!
NewAuburnSocialClub
Texas Hold ‘emSunday, September 15th
7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039Last Tuesday of every month
Officers meeting at 6pm sharp at Rolly’s
Choice of Twin Lobsters or Surf & Turf Baked Potatoes, Corn & Clams $15/pp
Sunday, September 22ndAnnual Lobster Feed
$50.00 Buy inStarts at 11 am • Doors Open at 10 am
Happy HourNoon - 1pm
Eating starts at2pm
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
Pam Ashby &Geno Veilleux
Ryan Lagasse &Scott Landry
Dan LeClerc
Not likingthis...
Never mind, I’m fine
Watch out for flying water
balloons.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 13UNCLEANDYS.COM
Did you know: Sesame Street was nearly called 123 Avenue B. It was changed as this was a real address in New York City.
Ontario is the only Canadian Province that borders the Great Lakes.
Auburn Plaza Family DentistryYen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com
Same Day Emergency CareVisit us at our newly renovated
state of the art office at:730 Center StreetAuburn (Big Lots) Plaza
783-1351We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider
Mon.-Fri.7am - 5pm
Hunting TripSubmitted by Maggie Joyce
Jimbo and Uncle Andyhired a pilot to fly theminto the far north forsome elk hunting. Theywere quite successfulin their venture, andbagged six big bulls.The pilot came back asarranged to pick themup.
They started loadingtheir gear into theplane, including the sixelk, but the pilot ob-jected. He said, "Theplane can take out onlyfour of your elk. Youwill have to leave twobehind."
One of the hunterspushed forward, "Hey,last year our pilot let ustake out six elk. It wasthe same model plane,same weather condi-tions, and everything.What's with this? Wewant you to allow us tofly out just like lastyear.
Reluctantly the pilot fi-nally permitted them toput all six elk aboardand the men allclimbed in with theirgear. When they at-tempted to take off andfly out of the valley, thelittle plane could notmake it. They crashedin the wilderness.
Climbing out of thewreckage, Uncle Andysaid to Jimbo, "Do youknow where we are?""I think so," repliedJimbo. "Yep! I think this
(continued on next page)
Walking in a circle is pointless.
A lightning bolt is 5 times hotter than the surface of the sun.783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201314
AMESSPORT SHOP, Inc
84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917(off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)
SHARE OUR PASSION
HIT THE TRAILS THIS FALL IN YOUR NEW
ARCTIC CAT ATV!
183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon
353-9862qualitycareautorepair.com
Have an automotiveproblem?
Ask the Auto Guysemail us your auto questions at
Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls
(207) 345-8711
We Insure ALL of Your FALL TOYS
CummingsAgency.com
is about 100 yards fur-ther along than wherewe crashed last year!"
(continued from previous page)
Riddle Me This
Q: Golden treasures Icontain, guarded byhundreds. Stored in alabyrinth where no manwalks, yet men comeoften to seize my gold.By smoke I am over-come and robbed, thenleft to build my treasureanew. What am I?
A: A beehive
Lawn Ornaments
Uncle Andy at acounter of a lawn orna-ment shop: "Give mefour of those pin-wheels, two of thosepink flamingos, two ofthe sunflowers, andone of those bent-overgrandma’s inbloomers."
Cashier’s reply: "That'llbe eight dollars for thepinwheels, ten dollarsfor the flamingos, sixdollars for the sunflow-ers, and an apology tomy wife!"
Fancy Roman Numerals?
No sir, not on mywatch!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 15UNCLEANDYS.COM
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
Tsunamis (tidal waves) travel as fast as jet planes.
www.eastcoastsigndesign.com
We specialize in vehicle wrapsand lettering.SAVE 20% on your next order!Go to: eastcoastsigndesign.com
Fill out our new quote page and SAVE!!September only
Before
After
On September 8th, the LakeAuburn Half, 5K and Bike Tour(Moving ME Forward’s largestfundraiser) will again start atLost Valley Ski Area and in-clude a Half Marathon, a HalfMarathon Relay, a 5K walk, a5K team run, a 5K run, twoKids Fun Runs, a Bike Tourand a Corporate Event.
The Half Marathon and BikeTour will take a trip aroundLake Auburn on closed roadsthat provide a wonderful pic-turesque backdrop for thiscommunity event. There willbe an Expo, package pick up,refreshments, and guestspeakers at the Hilton GardenInn on September 7th, from2:00 p.m to 6:00 p.m.
For more information,please see their website atLakeauburnhalf.com or findthem on Facebook (LakeAuburn Half, 5K and BikeTour).
September 8, 2013
Predicting the Future
Cats in Halifax, Nova Scotia, have a very high probability of having six toes.
When you are in it up to your ears,keep your mouth shut.
Thanks
for picking
us upand
Shopping
LOCAL!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201316
Did you know: Honeybees have hair on their eyes.
London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight in 1807.
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
Mike Kelly knows whathe’s doing... really.
Andy Brooker
John Linnell
Andy!Look out!!
Why do I get stuck keeping score?
That’s Captain John
to you.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 17UNCLEANDYS.COM
You may say that I'm a dreamer: the clinical term is narcoleptic.
I hired a private origami tutor and I must say the quality of my work has improved tenfold!
34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500
GreatFallsfcu.com
Great FallsFederal Credit Union
*Restrictions & qualification apply
Call Michele, Dane or Ken today!
We Have the Loan for YOU!Low Rates • Fast Approvals
KIDS!You Gotta Love ’em
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201318
Did you ever notice how a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a guys "I'll be home in 5 minutes" are one and the same?
A queen bee uses her stinger only to sting another queen bee.
Check out our newest location686 Sabattus St., Lewiston
Featured Inventory2003 VW Beetle, 5spd
109K, Dk. Blue, $5,995
2004 Jeep Grand Sp. Ed.
96K, Blue, $7,995
2005 Honda Element EX
119K, Orange, $8,995
2002 BMW X5, Leather, AWD, 150k, Silver . . . . . . .$8,995
2002 Nissan Maxima, Auto, Roof, 112k, Green . . . .$5,995
2007 Volvo XC90, AWD, Loaded, 113k, Silver . . . .$10,995
2005 Volvo V50, Auto, Leather, 138k, Blue . . . . . . .$6,995
2002 Volvo S60, AWD, Loaded, 158k, Green . . . . . .$4,500
2003 Mitsubishi Lancer, 105k, Graphite . . . . . . . . . .$4,995
2003 Oldsmobile Alero GLI, Auto, 72k, Red . . . . . . .$4,795
2003 Pontiac Grand Am, Auto, 4 cyl, Silver . . . . . . .$4,695
2004 VW Jetta, 5 speed, Roof, 148k, Silver . . . . . . .$5,250
2004 VW Passat, 1.8T, 5 speed, 120k, Lt. Blue . . . .$5,900
View our entire inventory online @
www.IndependentAuto.Me
Call 520-0028 • 686 Sabattus St. • Lewiston
520-0028
2003 VW Beetle, 5 speed, Leather, 109k, Dk. Blue .$5,995
2003 VW Passat GLX, 5 speed, 121k, Lt. Blue . . . . .$6,395
2007 Jeep Compass Sport, 4WD, 123k, Black . . . . .$7,495
2004 Jeep Grand, Special Edition, 96k, Blue . . . . . .$7,995
2004 Scion xA, 5 speed, 4 cyl, 127k, Black . . . . . . .$5,500
2005 Audi A4, 1.8T, Auto, 110k, White . . . . . . . . . . .$9,700
2005 Ford Expedition Eddie Bauer, 93k, Black . . .$11,500
2005 Honda Element EX, 4WD, 119k, Orange . . . .$8,995
2006 Honda Civic LX, 5 speed, 104k, Tan . . . . . . . .$8,795
KIDS!You Gotta Love ’em
Censored
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 19UNCLEANDYS.COM
It takes about a week to make a jelly bean.
Did you know: There are 488 million users regularly using Facebook mobile.
OILCHANGE Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles
(Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)
$24.95
Mike Morin’s Auto Center
Mike Morin
autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon
1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433
It’s never too early to get your vehicle ready for winter!
Come see us today!
LIKE us onFacebookReceive
$10.00 Discount!
FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95
The life boat was patented in 1845. The MisplacedEngineer
Submitted by Thomas Hill
An Engineer dies andgoes to hell. He's hotand miserable, so he de-cides to take action. TheA/C has been busted fora long time, so he fixesit. Things cool downquickly.
The moving walkwaymotor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can getfrom place to place moreeasily.
The TV was grainy andunclear, so he fixes theconnection to the Satel-lite dish and now theyget hundreds of high defchannels.
One day, God decides tolook down on Hell to seehow his grand design isworking out and noticesthat everyone is happyand enjoying umbrelladrinks. He asks the Devilwhat's going on?
The Devil replies,"Things are great downhere since you sent usthat engineer."
"What? An engineer? Ididn't send you one ofthose, that must havebeen a mistake. Sendhim back up right thisminute."
The Devil responds, "Noway! We are going tokeep our engineer. Welike this guy."
God demands, "If youdon't send him to me im-mediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs."Where are YOU goingto get a lawyer?"
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201320
Uncle Andy: “Sometimes I wrap myself in bows and call myself gifted...”
If you're over 100 years old, there's an 80% chance you're a woman.
2012 Chevy Malibu 1LT
2.4L 4 Cyl, Gold,38K, 4dr Auto. 6 Spd.
our price
$15,995
2013 Ford Focus S
2.0L 4 Cyl., Manual5Spd., 10K, Silver
our price
$14,995
2011 HondaCRV-SE
Blue, 2.4L 4 Cyl.,55K, Auto. 5-Spd.
our price
$19,495
2011 HondaPilot EX-L 4x4
3.5L V6, Auto. 5 speed,Maroon, 32k, 4WD
our price
$28,9952011 KIASORENTO
Tuscan Olive, 3.5L V64WD SUV, 44K
our price
$24,995
2011 ToyotaCamry SE
Blue, 2.5L 4cyl., Auto.6-Spd., 34K, 4dr.
our price
$16,995
2012 Scion
2.5L 4cyl, Automatic6 Spd., 13k, 2dr
our price
$17,995
2011 ToyotaHighlander
18K, 3.5L V6, Auto.5-Spd. Maroon, AWD
our price
$17,995
FALL CLEARAThe Back Forty Used
Jamie (James) & John Anderson
Joe & Jen Rawls
Karen & Randy Robichaud
Pam (Jordan) Veilleux,Sonya (Malcolm) Porter
& Jodi (Miller) Bennett
Out ’n About at the ELHS
30th Reunion30 years later &
still looking good!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 21UNCLEANDYS.COM
A shepherd once told me to count his 37 sheep and then round them up. So I told him there were 40.
There are no rental cars in Bermuda.
2012 HyundaiSonota Hybrid
2.4L 4 Cyl., Auto.,Black, 5k, 4 Dr.
our price
$22,995
2010 ToyotaCamry LE
Tan, 2.5L 4cyl., Auto. 6 Spd. 35k, 4dr
our price
$15,9952007 Hyundai
Sonata Limited
Silver, 3.3L V6,76k, 4dr
our price
$11,995
2010 Honda CRV-EX-L
Gray, Auto, 5 Spd.51k, 4WD, SUV
our price
$19,995
2008 Ford Escape XLT
Silver, 3.0L V6. Auto 4 Spd. 64k, 4WD SUV
our price
$12,995
2008 ToyotaCorolla CE
Blue, 1.8L 4cyl., Manual 5 Spd. 84k, 4dr
our price
$8,995
2011 Jeep Wrangler Sport
Red, 3.8L V6, 4 Spd.VLP 29k, 4WD
our price
$28,9952010 Jeep
Liberty Sport
Silver, 3.7L V6, Auto. 4WD, 48K,
our price
$16,995
ANCE SALE!!d Car & Truck Center
Sonya (Malcolm) Porter,Jim Marston &
Sandy (Schmidt) Barnich
Tim Towle & Elaine Gammon
Andy Capwellwon the 50/50 and donated
the cash back to the class
Dawn Daye
Out ’n About at the ELHS
30th Reunion30 years later &
still looking good!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201322
The bark of an older redwood tree is fireproof.
Most people who read the word 'yawning' will yawn!
To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:
www.donovansauto.comStop by, call or click today!
946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856
Please Help SupportBrock Thompson's family
Brock was taken from us on August 11th due to a tragic
ATV accident. Leaving behind a wife and three children.
Please join us!When: September 7th 4-7pm
Where: New Gloucester BibleChurch, 218 Lewiston Rd,New Gloucester
What: Spaghetti Dinner, 50/50Raffle, Bake Sale andSilent Auction
All proceeds to benefit theThompson Family.
If you or your business wouldlike to donate an item or
service to the silent pleasecontact Lisa @ 522-1651.
Some items donated to date: massages,photo sessions, night at the Regency inNew Hampshire, and many more.
Please tell your friendsand spread the word.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 23UNCLEANDYS.COM
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado!
You have plenty of time. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. Everyday.
Brownies ARE a health food... if you count mental health.
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
John Fournier
Trust me, ittastes good.
I smile becauseI won the 50/50
Mel Novella and friend
Out ’n About at the Balloon FestivalChristina Metzler, Sarah Major & Blake Major
Dress to Impress From 2-button to 3-button to doublebreasted suits,we have whatyou need to dress to impress!
S&J Tuxedos & Limo Service76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 333-3737
www.sjtuxedos.com
ALLSUITSavailable
for purchase$199
Does not includetailoring.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201324
Crickets hear through their knees.
Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined.
Out ’n About at the ELHS
30th Reunion
Dan LeBrun & Chip LeBlanc
tied for having the best Hawaiianshirt
Heather Condon & Arthur Desjardins
Kelly (Lewis) & Dave Dyer
Robin (Lewis) & Lee Ellingwood
30 years later &still looking good!
Megan & Mya Landrywith PrinceDaughters (& pup) of Bruce Landry of Kitchen Solutions
Oh, the things Ihave to do for my
humans...
Witches parking only: All others will be toad.
UADExpires 9/30/13
✂
$19.99Limit 1 per customer
SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET2 Main Street, Sabattus, ME 04280 • 207-375-8502
Open 7 Days a Week6am-8pm
2 LARGE 1 TOPPING PIZZAS& a 2 LITER OF SODA
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 25UNCLEANDYS.COM
I saw a theatrical production about puns. It was a play on words.
That whole 'I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine' thing doesn't work so well with cats.
Caleb Morris is a 10 year old boy who loves Moto cross racing. He was diagnosedwith a form of cancer called Rhabdomyosarcoma, commonly referred to as RMS,is a type of cancer, specifically a sarcoma (cancer of connective tissues). He and
his family live in Turner and travel to Scarborough almost daily for treatment.Please consider attending this benefit and donating what you can to help the family pay for the enormous medical bills associated with cancer treatment.
Out ’n About at the ELHS
30th Reunion
Andrea Philbrick & Dave Marcotte
Coreen & Kevin Sturtevant
David Purington
Eric Austin
30 years later &still looking good!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201326
My doctor told me to cut down on sodium, but I’m taking his advice with a pinch of salt.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
You Know You're in a Small Town When... The local doctor, the veterinarian (same person) still makes house calls.
Fresh ProduceBlackie’s Farm
Open Year Round
966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005
996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020
Hours: 6am - 8pm
QuickBooks Classes Offered
BookkeepingPlus
9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124
Bookkeeping Services
Buying Single Items or Entire Estates!
386 Minot Avenue • Auburn312-9139 • [email protected]
Quality Used Furnitureat affordable prices!
HARRIS BROTHERS
HARRISBROS.
Call us!No Separating Required!
743-3891PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268
SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARISMINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD
GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad
$9.898-pc Roadies Bone-in Snack
(Sales tax not included)
FREE 2-liter Soda with purchase of any Large Pizza
Large Dagwood $4.99
Comfort
You Can
Count On!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 27UNCLEANDYS.COM
Uncle Andy: How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words.
There's a lot to be said for being a man of few words.
HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm • Sun 10am-8pm
600 Turner Street, Auburnheidisauburn.com
784-3434
Locally Owned & Operated
Did you know...Heidi's makes Delicious PLATTERS and
BOXED LUNCHES for your business meetings,staff luncheons and gatherings?
Ask about our Gluten Freeoptions.
Dear Santa, for 2014, I'd like a fat bank account and a slim body. And please don't mix up the two like you did last year.
Heart of Hope Breast Cancer Fundraiser
Let’s Rock Against Cancer!September 28th 7pm – Midnight
at the Carriage House, 1119 Lisbon St, Lewiston
Live music by the Veggies!Raffles & Live Auction
Tickets$10 in advance$15 at the door
Tickets are available at:
Republic Jewelry212 Center St in Auburn
Call Chrissy @ 784-4444for tickets or to make a donation.
Contact Mitch/Carlene Sperry @ 754-0709
Carlene Sperry, a 10 year Breast Cancer survivor, is the founder of the Heart of Hope Char-itable Fund. For over 10 years she has raised money to help local women/men fightingthis terrible disease. Carlene has designed a line of Breast Cancer jewelry which includespendants & earrings to help raise money for her charitable fund. Her jewelry line is soldexclusively at Republic Jewelry which helps raise money along with her annual events.
KIDS!You Gotta Love ’em
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201328
My uncle laughed about my aunt's curio cabinet. And he knows I hate knick knack jokes.
I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world.Perhaps you’ve seen it. – Steven Wright
All Subarus Come With:• 12-month/12,000 miles
Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues• Vehicles fully serviced and
maintained in-house• In-house direct lending available
GTS 84K, White, Auto., 6 Cyl.
$9,950
www.rjbandson.com
2004 Mitsubishi Eclipse
Blue, Auto., 145K, Alloy Wheels, AWD
$9,950
2006 Subaru Impreza Outback Sport106K, Green, Auto., Alloy Wheels, AWD
$10,450
2008 Outback 2.5i Wagon
Special Edition, 131k, Blue, 5 Speed Manual
$9,950
2008 Subaru Legacy 2.5i
Red, 133K, Auto., 4WD, Alloy Wheels
$7,950
2004 Jeep Liberty Limited
Pewter, 76K, AWD, Heated Leather Seats, Parking Asst.
$22,950
2010 Subaru Outback Limited
AWD, 142K, Bronze, Auto., 6-Cyl 4.0L V6 DOHC 24V
$9,950
2006 Nissan Xterra SE 4WD
Alligator ShoesSubmitted by Thomas Hill
Uncle Andy was on va-cation in the swampsof Louisiana. He reallywanted a pair of gen-uine alligator shoes tobring back for his wifebut didn't want to paythe high prices thelocal stores werecharging.
After becoming veryfrustrated with the localshopkeepers, UncleAndy shouted, "I'll justgo out and catch myown alligator so I canget a pair of shoes at areasonable price!"
The shopkeeperreplied, "Good luck!Maybe you'll luck outand catch yourself abig one!"
Determined, UncleAndy turned andheaded for theswamps, set on catch-ing himself an alligator.Later in the day, theshopkeeper is drivinghome, and he spotsUncle Andy standingwaist deep in thewater, rope in hand.Just then, he sees ahuge 9 foot alligatorswimming quickly to-ward him. He lunges,wraps himself aroundthe beast and with agreat deal of efforthauls it on to theswamp bank. Layingnearby were severalmore alligators all tiedup.
Completely amazed,(continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 29UNCLEANDYS.COM
What is a mosquito's favorite sport? Skin-diving.
Did you know: It takes the average snail 115 days to travel a mile.
We buy, sell & trade
86 Court St., Auburn777-3579
Jamie Pelletier, Manager
jtreidsgunshop.com 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner
Call for the next N.R.A. Pistol Course
Full Line Gunsmith Service
Cigars are back!Check outour greatselection
J.T. REID’S GUNSJ.T. REID’S GUNS
Without geometry, life is pointless.
soundeffectsmaine.com216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry, Parking in back of building
777-3339
Get Your Remote StarterNOW before the Rush!
CS700 S 2W900 FMR
the shopkeeper got outof his car and walkedtoward Uncle Andy.
Just then he flips thealligator on it's back,and frustrated, shoutsup at the shopkeeper,"Ugh! This one isn'twearing shoes either!!"
(continued from previous page)
Riddle Me This
Q: I have two arms, butfingers none. I havetwo feet, but cannotrun. I carry well, but Ihave found I carry bestwith my feet OFF theground. What am I?
A: A wheelbarrow.
ShinGuards
Submitted by Jimbo
After I had injured oneof my shins for theumpteenth time, mydoctor suggested Iwear some sort of pro-tection. Rememberingthe shin guards I worewhen I played soccerover 60 years ago, Iwent to a local sportinggoods store.
I'm a petite, elderlywoman, so when ayoung man came tohelp me, I said, "Don'tlaugh, but I'm lookingfor a pair of shinguards for soccer."
"Okay," he said with acompletely straightface. "What position doyou play?"
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201330The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com
“Best Seafood Restaurant”Ten years in a row.
Award Winning Chowder
Family Owned for 3 Generations
Large Groups Welcomed Call Ahead
Full Bar • Free ParkingLounge • Dining Room Private Function Rooms
Some of my proudest moments have been when a website told me my password was “Very Strong.”
Out ’n About at the ELHS
30th Reunion
Jeff Goss, Dave Mar-cotte & Tom Swift
Sue Marston & Michelle Grenier
Tony & Jodi (Miller) Bennett
30 years later &still looking good!
Riddle Me This
Q: How would you re-arrange the letters inthe words ‘new door’ tomake one word? Thereis only one correct answer.
A: O-N-E W-O-R-D
Jimbo to Uncle Andy:Just because your
head is pointed, thatdoesn't mean you're
sharp.
The Rawson family (back): Paul, Mackenzie & Caitlin(front): Connor & KeeganCaitlin was the winner of our social media contest(2 hot air balloon ride tickets) that ran on the UncleAndy’s Digest Facebook page. She was randomlychosen from 17,600 entries!
Thank you SO MUCH
Uncle Andy’s Digest!!!
We got to be part of
the chase crew! Caitlin & Paul flew on the
Friday night launch (8.16.13)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 31UNCLEANDYS.COM
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.— Chinese Proverb
THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: Elephants eat roots, leaves, grasses, and sometimes bark.
Did you know: The Statue of Liberty’s index finger is eight feet long.
120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com
VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area
HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight
Showing every game all season
long... in HD!
Come watch your favorite team
on our 13 plasma TVs!
Follow us on Twitter @gipperssportsgr
80-Seat PrivateFunction Room
Available
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon
87 Mill St.New Auburn753-0171
(for take-out)
• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Rolly’s Diner
Adrien Fournier turned 81 on September 4th.He works part time at Foxridge Golf Course
Rolly’s Dineris the #1 Restaurant
in the State! And I know that from experience.
Fun PunSubmitted by Ron Hood
A mother pig was walk-ing through the barn-yard one day with oneof her piglets. Sud-denly, a raccoon racedout from behind thebarn and scared theliving daylights out ofthe mother pig.
The little hog laughedto see such sport andthe sow jumped overthe coon.
Still WaitingSubmitted by Jimbo
After waiting more thanan hour and a half forher date, Sarah de-cided she had beenstood up.
Exasperated, shechanged from her din-ner dress into pajamasand slippers, fixedsome popcorn and hotchocolate, and re-signed herself to anevening of TV.
No sooner had sheflopped down in front ofthe TV when the door-bell rang. Her dad wentto the door, and therestood her date.
He took one look atSarah on the couchand gasped. "I'm twohours late and she'sstill not ready?"
If you can't laugh atyourself, you may be
missing the joke of thecentury.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201332I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
of LewistonYou’re gonna love it!
1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston•376-3870•ChickadeeLewiston.com
What’s Going on in September at the Chick!
Take-out Available on our Full Menu
• Boiled or BakedStuffedLobsters
Best Hot Loaded CrustyLobster Roll Around!
with Rings & Coleslaw
Fully Stocked Bar$12.50$12.50
Want us to cater your next event? Food & Beverage – WE DO IT.
Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches – WE GOT IT.
Platters for 15 or 30 people – WE DO IT.Call us and we will fax you our options.
We Thank All Our Customers for a Terrific Summer.Business was good in the dining rooms, take outwas superb and we catered a number of events.
We hope going into fall our success will con-tinue. Thank you for your patronage.
• Fresh Steamer Clams • Stews & Chowders• Loaded Lobster Rolls• Fried, Baked or Broiled Seafood
• Prime Rib Au Jus
Hunting Season has Started!We Buy, Sell & Trade
481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm
TopGunofMaine.comPremier indoor shooting range open to the public
CONCEALEDWEAPON
CLASSSAT. SEPT 21STCALL FOR DETAILS
PracticalMarriage
Submitted by Jimbo
A Pastor was called toa local nursing home toperform a wedding. Ananxious old man methim at the door. Thepastor sat down tocounsel him. The Pas-tor asked several ques-tions.
"Do you love her?"
The old man replied, "Iguess."
"Is she a good Chris-tian woman?"
"I don't know for sure,"the old man answered.
"Does she have lots ofmoney?" asked thepastor.
"I doubt it."
"Then why are youmarrying her?" thepreacher asked.
"She is allowed to driveat night," the old mansaid.
Worrying is like a rock-ing chair. It gives yousomething to do, butdoesn’t get you any-where.
Riddle Me This
Q: I have a neck, butno head. I have twoarms, but no hands.What am I?
A: A shirt.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 33UNCLEANDYS.COM
Des Moines, Iowa has the highest per capita Jello consumption in the U.S.
Wearing ridiculously uncomfortable shoes just because they look good is pure shoepidity.
Only female mosquitoes bite and drink blood.
BUBBLE TEA
Japanese • Korean Thai • Sushi
730 Center Street, AuburnAuburn Plaza
NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA
376-4855jasminecafemaine.com
A S I A N F U S I O N & L O U N G E
Try it
today!
Out ’n About at the
Balloon Festival
Nick Brigham & Brooke Garber
The Ken Goodman All-starswere shredding it up
The view from a neighboringballoon
Floating in a hot air balloon
is very, very cool!
Sharon Lerette, Walter Hill, Cathy McDonald & Paul Colasantevolunteering at the booth for the Liberty Festival
Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201334Successful dieters might win the Nobelly prize.
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast .........$4.25
TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.................$4.25
WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes ...................$4.25
THURSDAY: French Toast.............................................$4.25
FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette .........................................$4.25
SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ............$4.25
SUNDAY: French Crepes...............................................$4.25
Prices do not include tax.Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm
Phone Orders Are Welcome
UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALSAll breakfast specials include coffee
Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am
$1OFF
Any Purchase
of $500
or more1 coupon per order
Please, no reproduction of coupons
✁Expires 9.30.13
5 Washington Street, Auburn
783-4304
Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!
UAD Trilogies
The Uncle Andy’s salesstaff, Jimbo, Angie andUncle Andy, go on atrip to the desert.Jimbo says, "I broughtwater, so we won't gothirsty."
Angie says, "I broughtfood, so we won't gohungry."
Then, they ask UncleAndy what he brought,and he says, "I broughtthis car window, so wecan roll it down, if weget hot."
But wait, there's more!
As it turns out, the win-dow Uncle Andybrought came from astolen car. The threeare arrested, taken tojail, and put in separatecells. Somehow, Jimbomanages to get hold ofthe keys, and unlockseach of their cells.They then proceed toescape through a win-dow.
Jimbo goes first, andsees a wall blockinghis escape route. Healso sees a tall treenext to the wall, whichhe starts climbing, fig-uring this was the onlyway to get past thewall. As Jimbo reachesthe top of the wall, aguard on the other sidehears him.
"Who's there?" askedthe guard.
Jimbo replies with a(continued on next page)
You can't plow a field by turning it over in your mind.
Brian Woodard, Jim Gordan & John White
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 35UNCLEANDYS.COM
You Know You're in a Small Town When... The sheriff, the deputy, and the street copare all the same person and can be seen on Wednesdays only.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Chad & Roxanne Pearl, owners
Entertainment Lineup
128 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls
345-7040
Sept. 6th . . . .DJ Just Benny
Sept. 7th . . . .Madcastle
Sept. 13th . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg
Sept. 14th . . . .Northern Groove
Sept. 20th . . .Skosh (see above)
Sept. 21th . . . .Jukebox Night
Sept. 27th . . .DJ Scotty Dawg
Sept. 28th . . .DJ Will
NOW Delivering Take-Out Orders!FREE Delivery within 10 miles
Call for more info 345-7040
New Menu!
Kids Eat FREE 12 & underSunday - Wednesday
with paying adult (in Pub only)
New
Rolling Rock Concert Series
$1 Rolling Rock Food Specials
Give-Aways
FeaturingSkosh
Sept. 20th
Happy Hour 4-7pm
(continued from previous page)
(continued on next page)
convincing, "Meow.Meow."
"Oh," says the guard,"it's only a cat in atree." So Jimbo getsaway.
Angie goes next. Sheclimbs the same tree,and the same guardhears her.
"Who's there?"
"Tweet, tweet. Tweet,tweet."
"It's only a bird in atree," the guard mut-ters.
And, last but not least,it is now Uncle Andy’sturn to escape. Now hehas been watching theothers make their es-capes, and he likestheir approach. So, heclimbs the same tree,to get over the samewall, and meets thesame guard. Mean-while, Uncle Andy hasbeen concentrating -what's wrong with thatpicture? Ok, animalnoises. Think animalnoises. Of course, theguard hears him, andasks, "Who's there?"
"Moooo. Moooo."
But wait, there's more!
All three escapees arerecaptured, and taken,as targets, to the firingrange as punishmentfor their jailbreak.Jimbo, as usual, goesfirst. They bring him
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201336
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959thefirehousegrille.biz
Fri. Sept. 6th . . . .Pop Rocks 4-7pm Chad Porter 8-11pmSat. Sept. 7th . . . . . . . .Lewiston HS 30th Class ReunionSun. Sept. 8th . . . . .MDA w/ Veggies Pigs & Pints Pig Roast $25/pp
Fri. Sept. 13th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Haoles Band 9pmSat. Sept. 14th . . . . . . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg/DancingFri. Sept. 20th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chad PorterSat. Sept. 21st . . . . . . . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg/DancingFri. Sept. 27th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Pop RocksSat. Sept. 28th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies
Never EVER Any Cover!!
SEPTEMBER BAND SCHEDULEL/A’S HOTSPOT FOR WEEKEND ENTERTAINMENT
Lunches starting at
$3.99
Under the Tent PartiesWeddings, Private Parties
Up to 200 people•Call for details
FRIDAYSLadies Night
Whiskey WEDNESDAYS
$1 off Selected Whiskey
THURSDAYSHappy Hour2pm-closing
TUESDAYSOpen Mic
MONDAYSHospitality Night
20% OFF total bill
SATURDAYSAll Day $3.50 Allagash Drafts
Did you know: A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
32 Auburn Road, Turner225-2777
www.landmarkturner.comTues & Wed 11am-8pm; Thurs 11am-9pm; Fri-Sun 7am-9pm
$5 OFFany purchaseof $20 or more
One per person, per visit. Cannot becombined with any other offers.
UAD • Expires 9.30.13
✃
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE!
Like us onFacebook
Seafood • Chicken • Steak • Pasta • 2-fer menu • Senior menu • Kids menu
FRIED CLAM DINNERWhole belly, crumbs or batter
$10.99
LOBSTER ROLLwith fries
$8.99
BREAKFAST BUFFETSat & Sun 8am –11am
FULL BAR & TAKE OUT AVAILABLE
Located
in the former
Chick-a-dee
of Turner
building
out, and the man incharge yells, "Ready...Aim..." But before hegot a chance to con-tinue, Jimbo yells,"Earthquake!!"
Everyone ducks andcovers, and Jimbo getsaway.
Next, Angie is broughtout. Again, the man incharge yells, "Ready...Aim..."
"Tornado!!"
They all scatter, andAngie gets away.
Finally, they bringUncle Andy out. Onceagain, he has beenwatching the other two,and, once again hasbeen concentrating -twice in the sameday?!
Once again, the man incharge yells, "Ready...Aim..."
"Fire!!!" yells UncleAndy.
(continued from previous page)
Kathy (Lang) &Gary Duesburg
Out ’
n Ab
out a
t the
Edw
ard
Litt
leHi
gh S
choo
l Cla
ss R
euni
on
Riddle Me This
Q: Six glasses are in arow. The first three arefilled with milk, and thelast three are empty.By moving only oneglass, can you arrangethem so that the fulland the empty glassesalternate?
A: Pick up the secondglass and pour the milkinto the fifth glass andthen put it back in the
second position.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 37UNCLEANDYS.COM
You Know You're in a Small Town When... The city limits sign is printed on both sides of the same post.
Bill Gates designed a traffic control system for Seattle when he was only 15.
ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.
www.springmeadowsgolf.com
Monday Night Scrambles4:30PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday
Singles or full teams are accepted
GOLF CLUB ATCOLE FARMS
✃Expires 8.31.12
BUY A 2014 MEMBERSHIP NOW!
Golf the remainder of2013 FREE!!
Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586
2 for 1Must present this coupon to receive
ONE FREE GREEN FEEfor each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatoryfor each player. May not be combined withother offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thruThursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 9.30.13
A variety of memberships are available. Call or visit our website for more info.
Don't believe everything you think.
5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577
Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!
Dominic Dymondof Poland
Wall of Fame Inductee!Family-style restaurant servingbreakfast & lunch every day!
WE’RE BETTINGWe’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite.
�Home of the Double Yolker�
Egg-ceptional Restaurant
You’ll LOVE our food!
I coached himthe whole way.
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.
Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Bill Morrison
Stan & Joan (Galipeau) DeOrsey
Dennis Anderson &Jane Ridlon Blue
Riddle Me This
Q: My thunder rolls be-neath me, my lightningflares above. I dust thecrust, and when I bust,all I touch will I shove.What am I?
A: A volcano
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201338
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Did you know: A bee uses 22 muscles to sting someone.
www.LuiggisPizzeria.comSince 1953
MONDAYThe Fergy
TUESDAYMeatball Subs
WEDNESDAYSpaghetti Dinners
1 meatball, salad,
garlic bread, drink
THURSDAYMini Pizza
FRIDAY$1.00 OFF
Any Large Pizza
SATURDAY2 Ham or Salami
Italianswith 1.5 Liter Drink
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99
SUNDAYBaked Ziti
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
Mel, Sarah & Alex
Hey, that was actually a
good shot...
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885
Earlybird Special
$5 OFF✁Expires 9.30.13 UAD
macsgrill.com
any two entreesMonday-Friday • 2-4pm
L/A’s Best Steaks
Excellent new menu items including chicken, fish,
& pasta entreésCall us for your catering needs
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 39UNCLEANDYS.COM
A dragonfly typically has a lifespan of 24 hours.
150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info
Like us on Facebook to get updates on what’s happenin’
Every ThursdayAction Packed
ThursdaysBeer PongKaraoke
Line Dancing
ZUMBA w/ Adrian Kramer Every Monday starting9/9 Check FB page for times
No CoverSaturdays
Happy Hour 8-9pm$1 Drafts$3 Wells
w/ DJ Bset Pubside
Sat. Sept. 7th No Cover
Benefit for Caleb Morris10 yr old battling cancer (2nd time)
DJ/Dancing • 50/50 Raffles
Sat. Sept. 14th $10 Cover
Fri. Sept. 20thSponge
Sat. Sept. 28thCivil Disturbance
Fri. Oct. 11thBack in BlackAC/DC Tribute
You Know You're in a Small Town When... You plug in your electric razor in a motel and the street lights dim.
Fun PunSubmitted by Ron Hood
A man who rode in acarpool felt sick when-ever they passedunder a certain tunnel.His doctor diagnosedthis as carpool tunnelsyndrome.
Holding All the Cards
Uncle Andy jumped upfrom the card tablewhite with rage.
“Stop this game,” heshouted, “Jimbo ischeating!”
“How do you know?”asked the other cardplayers.
“He's not playing thehand I dealt him,”Uncle Andy responded
"Always bring a nail
file, scissors, tweezers,
a corkscrew, a tooth-
pick and a bottle
opener to a knife fight."
– The Swiss Army
Riddle Me This
Q: Hank is 33 yearsold today. This is threetimes as old as hisbrother Harvey waswhen Hank was theage that Harvey istoday. How old is Har-vey?
A: 22.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201340
A lot of people cry when they chop onions, but the trick is not to form an emotional bond.
"Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street." – Zig Ziglar
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 41UNCLEANDYS.COM
The Man of Steel and Iron Man are powerful alloys.
When one door closes another one opens, you should really get that cabinet fixed.
TAYLOR BROOKDENTAL ASSOCIATES
New Patients Always WelcomePreventative dentistry - cleanings and fillings
Cosmetic dentistry - whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more
We accept most insurances
Financing available
(207)784-157727 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN, ME 04210
OUR LOCATION:
TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM
Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103
All Insurances BilledWe participate with CIGNA,
Delta Dental--PPO & State of Maine. 0% Financing Available!
Out ’n About at the
Balloon Festival
Christina Noonan interviewed by Lee Nelson
Karen & Jim Albert
The view from a balloonabove
Nichole, Ron, ChelseaMajor & Ashley
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201342
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute - I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date.
Perspiration is odorless; it is the bacteria on the skin that creates an odor.
Expert Custom Framing &Quality Personal Service!
Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints,
pictures or keepsakes. 23 Cross Street, Auburn
Stock FramesFRAMES
8x10 up to 12x16
OVER 50 to choose from
ONLY $10 each
FRAMES14x18 up to 24x30
OVER 25 to choose from
ONLY $20 each
75%
OFFReady mademetal frames
786-4333
134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376mainstreetmusiclessons.com
We’ve Got Your Musical Accessories!Guitar strings • Reeds • Valve Oil • Cork Grease • Violin Strings • Mandolin Strings
Combination Tuners • Metronomes • Instrument Cleaning Kits & More!We special order books, instruments & accessories.
Main St. Music Lessons& Instrument Repair
Welcome Homeschool Students!
We buy used
instruments!
Authorized
Service Center
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.
Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Judy Marston
These pictures better
not end up in one ofthose tabloid magazines...
Joan (Galipeau) DeOrsey, Joyce (Ouellete) Campbell, Gail (Corette) Sylvester, Linda (Lyon) Anthony (came from England), Jim Gordon
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Statistics are like bikinis. What they conceal is more
important than whatthey reveal.
Saturday,September 28thNoon – 3:00PMLewiston High School
A day dedicated to children’s health, safety and environmental awareness.Join us at Lewiston High School Saturday, September 28th
Noon – 3:00PM
Special Appearances from: Slugger from the Sea Dogs, Crusher from theMaine Red Claws, Monty the Moose from Community Credit Union andSparky the Dog from the Lewiston Fire Dept.
• And MuchMore!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201344
It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
In Ancient Greece, if a woman watched even one Olympic event, she was executed.
Hours: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 am - 6:00 pm • Tuesday & Thursday 7:00 am - 5:00 pm • Saturday 8:00 am - 1:00 pm
REGGIE’S SALES & SERVICEYour Local Four Season Power Equipment Dealer
Where the Pros shop!
1334 Minot Ave, Auburn • 783-0558
Dandelion root can be roasted and ground as a coffee substitute.
• Wheel alignment & balancing
• Complete brake work• Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter• State Inspections
FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983
60 Minot Ave • Auburn782-6666 or 783-2026
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC.
A PROUD MEMBER OF THENAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
OUR TIRES
Rod Cameron & Ben Britton
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.
Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Diane (Gagnon) VreelandAnnette (LaRocque) Marx
Anna Murphy
Sue (McCarthy) Hinkley & Joyce
(Ouellette) Campbell
Can I believe my eyes right
now?
Wow! It’s true...
here we are in Uncle Andy’s
Digest!!
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 45UNCLEANDYS.COM
Domestic pigs average a top speed of about 11 miles per hour.
Did you know: You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!
Check us out online at:
KandLGreenClean.com
"Helping the environment one job at a time"
Call us for a free quote to clean your business
K+L GREEN CLEAN, INCOwner Operated
We are now accepting more
small officeclients!
Check us out online at:
KandLGreenClean.com577-8725 • [email protected] Lauren & Kristie, owners
Celebrating our 5th Year Anniversary
You want the best for your family, and with Muralo BreatheSafe™ you get just that. BreatheSafe™ is virtually odorless andfree of VOC’s, while still keepingthe high performance propertiesyou’ve come to expect from aMuralo product.
BREATHE SAFETM INTERIOR ZERO VOC FINISH FROM MURALO.
www.lewistonpaint.com
Used Commercial Buildings for Sale
Schiavi Leasing Corp. For more info. Call103 Airport Rd. • Oxford 539-8211 or 515-1119
Ask about
Delivery and
Set-up
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.
Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Joan (Larose) Barrett,Jane (Ridlon) Blue
Jane (Ridlon) Blue & friend
Richard & RuthMichaud
Riddle Me This
Q: A man takes a bar-rel that weighs 50pounds, and then putssomething in it. It nowweighs less than 50pounds. What did heput in it?
A: He put a hole in it.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201346
“All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.” – Steve Martin
McDonald's salads contain up to 60% more fat than their burgers!
OVER 70 VEHICLES IN STOCKNew Inventory Arriving Daily
Check out www.IndependentAuto.me
1298 & 1317 Sabattus St. Inventory
2000 Honda Civic EX, 5 speed, 115k, Blue . . . . . . . .$4,7952008 Saab 9-3, 2.0T, Auto, 115k, Silver . . . . . . . . . .$9,9952002 Saab 9-3, 140k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,9952001 Saab 9-5 Wagon, Leather, 32k, White . . . . . . .$3,9952006 VW Jetta 2.5, 5 speed, 119k, Silver . . . . . . . . .$7,5002005 VW Jetta GLS, Auto, 96k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . .$6,9952005 VW Passat GLX, 6 cyl, 138k, Blue . . . . . . . . . .$4,9952003 VW Jetta, 5 speed, Roof, 125k, Silver . . . . . . .$5,4952003 VW Passat, 122k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,5002003 VW Passat GLX, 6 cyl, 108k, Gray . . . . . . . . . .$5,9952003 VW Passat Wagon, Auto, 114k, Gray . . . . . . . .$5,7952002 VW Passat Wagon, 1.8T, 139k, Green . . . . . . .$4,9952002 VW Passat, 5 speed, 1.8T, 100k, Blue . . . . . . .$5,9952001 VW Jetta VR6, 5 speed, Roof, 95k, Red . . . . . .$5,7952002 Chrysler Sebring, 5 speed, Loaded, 93k, Silver $4,4952004 Volvo XC70, AWD, Loaded, 126k, Blue . . . . . . .$7,9952004 Volvo XC70, AWD, Loaded, 138k, Gold . . . . . .$7,4952003 Volvo S60, Loaded, Auto, 137k, Silver . . . . . . .$6,495
2004 Toyota Sequoia SR5
Leather, 103K, Pewter
CALL FORPRICE
$7500 $10495
2005 Chevy Equinox LT
AWD, 117K, Silver
2006 Cadillac SRX
AWD, 6cyl., 84K Purple2002 Volvo S60, AWD, Leather, 101k, Gold . . . . . . .$6,9952003 Dodge Neon, Auto, Low Miles 58k, Blue . . . . .$5,2952003 Kia Sedona, Leather, Low Miles 62k, Black . . .$5,0002004 BMW 3 Series, Wagon, Auto, 117k, White . . .$8,9952004 Saturn Ion, 5 speed, 4 cyl, 119k, Silver . . . . . .$5,4952004 Toyota Sequoia SR5, leather, 103k, Pewter . . .Call for price
2004 Toyota Sienna LE, 7 passenger, 114k, White . .$8,4952007 Chevy Trail Blazer LS, 4WD, 125k, Grey . . . . . .$7,9952005 Chevy Equinox LT, AWD, 117k, Silver . . . . . . . .$7,5002006 Jeep Liberty Limited, 4WD, 92k, Blue . . . . . . .$9,4952005 Jeep Grand Laredo, Leather, 90k, White . . . . .$8,9952005 Nissan Altima, 5 speed, 2.5S, 131k, Brown . . .$6,4002005 Subaru Forester, AWD, 2.5XS, 116k, Black . . .$7,9952006 Cadillac SRX, AWD, 6 cyl, 84k, Purple . . . . . .$10,4952006 Saab 9-5, 2.3T, Auto, 123k, Silver . . . . . . . . . .$6,2952007 Mazda 6, 5 speed, Roof, 127k, Silver . . . . . . . .$7,995
www.independentauto.me • 786-7744686 Sabattus St. • 1298 Sabattus St. • 1317 Sabattus St.
Lewiston
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
His name is Mike Peters.
Sarah Wanser & Scott Landry
Daren Cote
Debbie, Amber & Autumn
Hey ladies,
what club do you think
I should use?
Well, it appears you’re about 169 yards
out. A slight breeze in yourface, might I suggest a
6-iron?
Impressive?I think so!
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 47UNCLEANDYS.COM
The onion is named after the Latin word 'unio' meaning large pearl.
A giraffe's kick is so powerful that it can decapitate a lion.
OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCECall 753-9887 or 576-8528 Fully Insured • Many References Available
Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.“The Difference is in the Details”
New Homes
Call us for your FREE quote!Call us for your FREE quote!
Sun RoomsGarages
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!
64 Lewiston Road, Gray657-4714
www.ColeFarms.comJUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63
OF MAINE TURNPIKE
Monday2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99w/salad & chips
TuesdayChicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99w/salad or cole slaw
Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams sm. $11.99 . . . . . . . .lg. $15.79w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw
Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99w/potato & rolls
Thursday2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99w/salad & chips
DAILY SPECIALS
Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm;
Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm
Friday, Saturday & SundayFried Haddock* $11.99
Grilled/Baked Salmon* $12.99
Friday & SaturdayAfter 4:00 PM
Prime Rib Au Jus*Small $13.99 • Large $16.79
*with potato, choice of salad, coleslaw or vegetable & rolls
Denise Wood of Litchfield
Waitress Since 1988
I love to go above and beyond
to make my customersdining experience an
excellent one. What canI say... I love my
customers!
Betting on the Church
Submitted by Peter Asselyn
Do Las VegasChurches accept gambling chips?
This may come as asurprise to those of younot living in Las Vegas, but there are morecatholic churches thancasinos. Not surpris-ingly, some worshipersat Sunday services willgive casino chipsrather than cash whenthe basket is passed.
Since they get chipsfrom many differentcasinos, the churcheshave devised a methodto collect the offerings.
The churches send alltheir collected chips toa nearby FranciscanMonastery for sortingand then the chips aretaken to the casinos oforigin and cashed in.
This, of course, is doneby the Chip Monks.
Riddle Me This
Q: Always old, some-times new, never sad,sometimes blue. Neverempty, sometimes full,never pushes, alwayspulls. What am I?
A: The moon
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201348
Did you know: Billy Graham was once considered the best Fuller Brush salesman in North Carolina.
At room temperature, the average air molecule travels at the speed of a rifle bullet.
Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks
Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!
Certified Fisher Plow Dealer
HEAVY DUTY & EQUIPMENT ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE AVAILABLE
Maine Heavy Equipment Service20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston
333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com
Light/Heavy Duty Trucks, Tractors,Trailer, All Plow Equipment
Repairs & Service
• Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks
• Licensed Inspection Station
• Hydraulic Hoses made on-site
• Light Duty/Heavy Duty Trailers
We work on all equipment… not just ours!“Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”
Keep all your equipment clean in our extra LARGE wash bay!
Give us a call. We’ll take care of your equipment like it was ours!
Denny Bly John Perron
Out ’n About at the
Balloon Festival
Sam Roy
Rock climbing is kind of like Driver’s
Ed, intimidating atfirst... but con-
quering the unknown is so
much fun!
Cassie Roy
Watch me, Daddy! I’m gonna
climb that tree like the little monkey
that I am.
See! What did I
tell you!!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 49UNCLEANDYS.COM
In 1948, Costa Rica abolished its military and spends the money on education and culture instead.
Each year, more than 50,000 people are injured by jewelry in the U.S.
The Dvorak keyboard is more efficient than QWERTY. 20 times faster, in fact.
KIDS!You Gotta Love ’em
Elaine Derosby, Michelle Gagne, Wendy Roy, Jen DeRosa & Greg PerkinsVolunteering at the ELHS Field Hockey booth
Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201350
The octopus does not have a blind spot.
Did you know: The exact odds of scoring a hole-in-one in golf on a par three hole are 8,750 to 1.
ServiceRentalSales
111 Woodman Hill Road, Minotwww.gadowning.com
PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING?Ask about our
signature models!
CALL FOR PRICING
G.A. DOWNINGG.A. DOWNING782.4508
or800.924.4500
845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn
782-5500782-5500 Towing Discountswith shop repairs
Winter is coming, get your vehicle ready!
Auto Repair • Brakes • Engines • Suspension & More
Body Work • Collision Repairs • Complete Re-sprays • Custom Paint& More!
Call for your appointment...
AWD, 126K, Loaded, Nice!
$4,295
1885 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine207-897-3323 • 207-576-4321
See full list at: TriCounty.HasYourCar.ComInspections • Walk-ins Welcome
4x4 Auto, Runs Great!
$3,500Tri County Auto Sales
‘02 VW Passat ‘00 Dodge Dakota
Full Time Auto Mechanic
IntelligenceSubmitted by Thomas Hill
There was a blonde whofound herself sitting nextto a Lawyer on an air-plane. The lawyer justkept bugging the blondewanting her to play agame of intelligence. Fi-nally, the lawyer offeredher 10 to 1 odds, andsaid every time theblonde could not answerone of his questions,she owed him $5, butevery time he could notanswer hers, he'd giveher $50.00. The lawyerfigured he could notlose, and the blonde re-luctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked,"What is the distancebetween the Earth andthe nearest star?"
Without saying a wordthe blonde handed him$5. then the blondeasked, "What goes up ahill with 3 legs andcomes back down thehill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer lookedpuzzled. He took severalhours, looking up every-thing he could on hislaptop and even placingnumerous air-to-groundphone calls trying to findthe answer. Finally,angry and frustrated, hegave up and paid theblonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50into her purse withoutcomment, but the lawyerinsisted, "What is theanswer to your ques-tion?"
Without saying a word,the blonde handed him$5.
Thanks
forchoosing
us!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 51UNCLEANDYS.COM
Some things are better left unsaid. If only I could determine which things.
In a lifetime, an average person walks the equivalent of 5 equators.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Sarah Jeanne’s77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 795-6778
sarahjeannes.com
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Quick WittedSubmitted by Thomas Hill
Two guys were outwalking their dogs on ahot day, when they passby a pub.
Mike looks at his friendJohn and says “Let’s goin there for a cold drink.”
John replies with, “Theywon’t let us in with ourdogs.”
“Sure they will, just fol-low my lead.”
Mike walks up to thepub, and sure enoughthe doorman tell hims,“I'm sorry but I can’t letyou in here with yourdog.”
Mike replies, “But I’mblind and this is my see-ing-eye dog.”
The doorman says,“Okay well in that case,come on in.”
John sees this and de-cideds to do the samething. He walks up tothe front door, but thedoorman says, “Sorrysir, you can’t come inhere with a dog.”
John replies, “I’m blindand this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The doorman responds,“I don't think so buddy.You mean to tell me youhave a chihuahua for aseeing-eye dog?”
John stops for a secondlooking confused, andsays, “They gave me achihuahua?”
Mike Albert, Adam Desjardins, Bernadette Albert, Sue & Mark Desjardins
Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201352
The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!
In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.
Always paying the best prices!(prices subject to market changes)
6 1 5 - 7 0 57 o r 7 9 5 - 8 8 8 7
B AT T E R Y & C O R E
15 Pierce Street, AuburnAcross from Maine Oxy. • Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.
Mon - Fri 7am - 7pm
“You are always treatedfairly and with respect!”
Paying TOP prices forcomputer scraps!
Automobile & Truck BatteriesDie CastAlloy Rims#1 Steel Prepared/better grading/
better payoutStarters & AlternatorsCatalytic ConvertersCell Phone ScrapComputer Towers Stainless
Electronic ScrapMother Boards • CoresBrass • Alternators Starters • Motors • PumpsComputer Board ScrapsCopper • Aluminum • InsulatedWire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions
Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler
We pay EXTRA for copper &brass from LARGE businesses
with LARGE quantities!
Sept. 9th throughSept. 20th
Closed for vacation
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.
Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
George & Mary(Schoppe) Buker
Ed Welch
Velvet (Fleckenstein)Welch & Betsy Jo Bunney
Riddle Me This
Q: If it takes six mensix days to dig sixholes, how long will ittake one man to dighalf a hole?
A: There is no suchthing as half a hole.
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 53UNCLEANDYS.COM
“An escalator can never break — it can only become stairs.” – Mitch Hedberg
Jim Hogg, the governor of Texas from 1891 to 1895, named his only daughter “Ima.”
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.
Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Margaret Veayo
Bonnie (Margolin)Faiman
Ron Field
Riddle Me This
Q: Why do black sheepeat less grass thanwhite sheep?
A: Because there arefewer black sheep than
white sheep.
Thanks
forshopping
Local!
1002 Minot Ave., Auburn • facebook.com/StevesDojo
Visit or Call 420-0139 FMI
Guys, let’s welcome the new band
members... Courtney Cunliffeand her dad, Dan.
One Direction are anEnglish-Irish pop boyband based in London,consisting of NiallHoran, Zayn Malik,Liam Payne, HarryStyles and Louis Tom-linson. They signedwith Simon Cowell'srecord label SycoRecords after beingformed and finishingthird in the seventh se-ries of the British tele-vised singingcompetition The X Fac-tor in 2010.
Posing with One Direction areCourtney Cunliffe
& Dan Cunliffe
Who’s the old guy?
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201354
The smallest mountain range in the world is outside of Marysville, California and is named the Sutter Buttes.
You Know You're in a Small Town When... The town square is actually a phone booth.
❧ Huge Wine Selection
❧ Wine Tasting Events
353-7552 • 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Mainewww.benoitsbakery.com
&
Bakery
WineCellar
Mon.- Sat. 6am - 6pm;
Sun.6am - 3pm
❧ Freshly Baked Breads
❧ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts
❧ Soups & Sandwiches
Wedding BellsCongratulations to
Joshua & Taylor Bourque,who were married on July
6th at Popham Beach.
Taylor & Josh
Jason Bourque(Josh’s brother) officiated
the wedding ceremony
Rylee & TaylorAll photos by Toni Ferraro
Photography
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 55UNCLEANDYS.COM
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought "Dogs are easily amused." Then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.
One of the 'World's Strongest Man' events should be "Pulling apart two shopping cartsthat are stuck together.
14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite AHighland Spring Road, Lewiston
• Colors
• Cuts
• Foils
• Pedicures
• Manicures
• Waxing
• Eyelash Tinting
We are a full service salon...
Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pmFri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
Get Your Hair Done Before Work!We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!!
Be Fashion Forward this FallCome see any one of our expert stylists!
Ann Dumais Kelly Giambra Sue Poulin Kim Galgovitch
Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond Lysa Ronan Valerie Kelshaw
Angella Brissette
Camille Cloutier
786-4311
comes from within• Lingerie size 0-6x• Women’s shoes
• Clubwear• Jewelry
Sexy
850 Lisbon St. • LewistonWed. - Sat. 10-7 • Sun. 11-6
320-1165
RMJ Collections
I want to find my missing watch, but I can never find the time. Riddle Me This
Q: Walk on the living,
they don't even mum-
ble. Walk on the dead,
they mutter and crum-
ble. What are they?
A: Fallen leaves.
Family Fun Vacation (Starting top left):Ted Morris,
Halie Vachon, Nicole Vachon, Brycin Vachon,
Emily Morris, Nemothe dog and Molly
the dog.
Why does summer have to
end?
Fun FallFamilyActivity
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201356
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." — Timothy Leary
As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.
Route 202 in Leeds
Get Your Team together and join us for a great day of golf!
Mark Your Calendar!Friday,
September 20th
Out ’n About at the
Balloon Festival
Pat & Melora Lavoie
Scott Lagasse, Elaine Deraps, Teliah
Viscone, Nadia Roy & Chloe
Jennifer Lumb, Harmony &
Brian Lowell
Check out that great looking ad on
the bottom of page 72.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 57UNCLEANDYS.COM
"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." — Winston Churchill
The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.
Tara Brown, Tashia Brown, Tyler
& John Lamothe
Tim Turcotte & Louise WhalenELHS Grandstand Club
Out ’n About at the
Balloon Festival
AerobicsSubmitted by Jimbo
The first time I met mywife, she was an in-tense aerobics instruc-tor at my health cluband I was an out-of-shape new member.After one gruelingworkout, I gasped,"This is really helpingme get toned." Shelooked me up anddown. Feeling self-con-scious, I added, "Bigmen run in my family."
She raised an eye-brow. "Apparently notenough."
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201358
First you're telling me to be myself, then you're telling me to stop being an idiot. Make your mind up.
You Know You're in a Small Town When... The Walmart, the local grocery, and UPS all have the same telephone number.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 59UNCLEANDYS.COM
Jellyfish as a species are actually older than dinosaurs and sharks.
Do you think Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year's resolutions?
Pocahontas appeared on the back of the $20 bill in 1875.
Jim’s Rent It
1097 Center St., Auburn
• Car Rentals• Pickup Truck Rentals• Convertibles
Lowest priced car rental in the area!
• Passenger Vans with 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity
Car accidents, no problem!We offer insurance-paid car rentals
Call 784-5438 for details
www.wolfeye.com
Jack Chenard, Dianna(Dwinal) O'Connell
Martha White McGonagle
Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.
Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Here’s to the Class of 1963. We’ll see you
soon!
Joanne (Shea)Bollinger
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201360
Sound travels about 4 times faster in water than in air.
C3PO is the first character to speak in Star Wars.
There are more female than male millionaires in the United States.
PROTECTING YOU:Is What We Do.
commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health
232 Center St., Auburn
786-0417Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm VarneyAgency.com
Kerrie RobbinsCommercial Insurance Specialist
Out ’n About at the
Gippers Open
Chris Angelo
Matt Drewell
The Gippers Open is agreat time for bonding.
Pam Ashby &Dan Martin
I’ve got a few water balloons of my own...
I’m just waiting for an opportunity to present
itself.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 61UNCLEANDYS.COM
Pollen can travel up to 500 miles in a day.
Beavers have orange teeth!
POOL BUILDERS OF MAINEQUALITY WORKMANSHIP, OUTSTANDING SERVICE.
795-7222www.poolbuildersofmaine.com
1525 Minot Ave. Auburn •
Any Above-GroundIMMEDIATE INSTALLATIONS!
SEPTEMBER SALE!Schedule Now for the Best Prices in Pool Winterizing!
PELLET, WOOD & GAS STOVES!Plus inserts & Contemporary Stoves
Picnic Tables for sale
25 lb. Buckets of3” Chlorine Tabs only
$99
25% OFF ALL
EZ-CLOR
PRODUCTS
Discovery LX
Out ’n About at the
Redneck Blank
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201362
Hummingbirds can't walk.Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.
Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion
Jim & Judy Gordan
Joyce (Ouellete)Campbell
Annette (LeRocque) Marx
Assisted H
ome Care783-7375For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston
We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham,Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.
• More privacy - you get personal care in your own home.• Convenience - continuity of care. • Comfort - being in your own home.• Shorter Recovery Time - people recoup better at home.• Nursing care by qualified caregivers.
CNA’sWANTED NOW!
GREAT PAY! GREAT WORKING CONDITIONS!
Home Care Means...Assisted Home Care
Home computers arethe perfect thing forwomen who don'tfeel that men providethem with enough frustration. Jeff &
BeckyCote
If you’re looking for a good magician, look no
further...Pam & Mark Vaillancourt
Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill in Auburn
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 63UNCLEANDYS.COM
A baby eel is called an elver, a baby oyster is called a spat.
The say you should test your fire alarm once a month. I try but it's costing me a fortune in houses.
KIDS!You Gotta Love ’em
Riddle Me This
Q: A farmer, his daugh-ter, the policeman, andhis wife won the lotteryand divided the prizeinto three. How canthis be?
A: The farmer'sdaughter is the police-
man's wife.
1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway
596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811
MAINE-LYACTION.COM
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201364
I bought a book on obedience seven years ago, but it turns out the dog is a slow reader.
Montana borders the most Canadian Provinces of all the fifty states. It borders three of them.
Facelift Your Property
Tired of how your old deck looks?Need a new deck?
CALL THE DECK DOCTORS!Stephen Adamczyk, Deck Repair Expert
Call 713-9090 for your FREE estimate!
www.setwright.com
FIRESIDESTOVE SHOP
WOOD • COAL • GAS • PELLET
1220 Center St., Auburn784-9249
www.firesidestoveshop.com
Quiet, clean, elegant stoves. Several styles to choose from.
Out ’n About at the Great Falls
Model RR Club
Bryce Weeks
Ken Nettleship &Chandler Ireland
Racine Bruce and Adam
Ivan and Gerry Smith
Tyler Randall
What a blast this
place is!
at the Train Fest Family Fun Day
GarrisonWhetzel
son of Stacy Whetzel atKitchen solutions
Mom, will you hurry up
and take the picture?! There’s a cute girl over there
waiting to go boogie boarding
with me...
Paul Lodge You canfind me over at the Great
Falls Model RailRoad Club at144 Mill St in Auburn.
Got photos you’dlike published?
Wait no more!
Email them to [email protected]
[email protected] • facebook.com/thedoggzinnhttp://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com
Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products
Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers
Est.2008
Dog Grooming, Daycare & Boutique
FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENTWe have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area. We are the only facility in the state that offers everything for yourpup, from daycare to grooming, transportation, dog food and sup-plies all under one roof!
Max PSince April2012
SavannahSince March2013
Since February2011
Since August2013
Hyzer
65 Washington St., Auburn • 333-3640
MaxSince
October
2012
CasperFULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS
$16 PER DAY!We're so glad you're back to play andfeeling better after your surgery!! :)
I'm a 5 year old Yorkie
mix looking for a
furever home!
I'm a sweet girl who
loves to cuddle and
will always greet you
with a smile!
Ella
No payment contracts! If your dog doesn'tcome to play, you don't pay!!
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201366
Don't complain to me. When I was a kid, we actually had to get out of the car and OPEN the garage door.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
The only social fraternity founded during the Civil War was Theta Xi fraternity, at Rensselear Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York in 1864.
Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation
PERMA-LATERALTM
TRENCHLESS PIPELINING SYSTEM
521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!
Call today to have a Clear Drains ofMaine technician perform a site evalua-
tion and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing
sewer or drain line with ourNO DIG
TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY!
Visit us online:
ClearDrainsofMaine.com
392 Center Street, Auburn
786-0112HairByGregorys.comBack from L to R: Taylor, Cori, Kelly, Terry & Linda
Front from L to R: Jennifer, Michael, Kathy, Tina & Nuria
Pre-book your next appointmentand be entered to win a
FREE haircut! Drawing to be held on Oct. 1st
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!
Chandler Ireland &Lanna Hartley
Chuck & Deb Scott-Henderson
Lilly & Ayden Franzen
Ralph Strout & Ava Grenvill
Out ’n About at the Great Falls
Model RR Clubat the Train Fest Family Fun Day
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 67UNCLEANDYS.COM
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
The shopping mall in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada has the largest water clock in North America.
960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store
Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!
Open7 Days a Week9 AM - 5 PM
Featuring
131Vendors
Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!
Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!
We honor:M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA,
Am. Express & Discover cards
VISIT
“THE BOOK NOOK”
Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES
Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!
Always
Buying
Regular Paperbacks$1/each
$3.50 each for most Hardcover Books
Selective Hard Covers $2
20% OFFall Audio Books (books on tape & CD)
Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books
& Cookbooks
Pre-Read Books arriving daily
Large Selectionof FentonGlassware!
20% - 75% OFF
INVENTORYREDUCTION
SALE!
Paul PinetteC&W Protective Services
Jimbo and I go way back...
but I’ll have no problemkicking his butt out of
any nightclub I’m working at.
Dean BerryC&W Protective Services
Not that you’d need any help with thatweakling, but I’m here if
you need me, Paul.
Out ’n About
Riddle Me This
Q: SEA PIGEON is ananagram of what nine-letter word?
A: Espionage
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201368
The kids text me "plz" Because it's shorter than "please". I text back "no" because it'sshorter than "yes".
Ever think you're hearing something in a song, but they're really singing something else?The word for mis-heard lyrics is mondegreen.
THE BEAR NECESSITIES
Primitive Home Decor & Gift ShoppeEnter a world of a simpler time... As you enter our
shoppe, you are embraced with warm scents and a great selection of primitive, colonial and country home decor, custom made furniture and needful things!
Owners - Tammy & Gerry Charette
Join us on September 14th (10 ~ 4) for
our Billy Jacobs Appearance and Signing
• Johnston Bench Works
• Reproduction Furniture
• Old Village Paints
• Primitive/Colonial Lighting
• Family Heirloom Weaver Textiles
• Window Treatments
• 1803 Candles • Potpourri • Pottery
• Room Sprays • Quilts • Braided Rugs
• Scarecrows • Prim Pumpkins
• Gift Certificates • Clubs • Layaways
Hours: Tuesday-Friday 10-5 Saturday 10-4
35 Vernon StreetAuburn Maine 04210
(207) 786-0992
PrimitiveArtist Signing
The Bear Necessities,located at 35 VernonSt. in Auburn, is hon-ored and excited tobe hosting Billy Ja-cobs in their Shoppefor a signing on Sep-tember 14th from10AM to 4 PM.
Billy Jacobs is ahighly establishedand well known folkartist, musician,song writer,and pho-tographer. His amaz-ing prints arewarming hearts andfilling homes!
This is going to bea Primtastic event somark your calen-dars! You wont wantto miss this opportu-nity to have your fa-vorite Billy Jacobsprint signed andmeet the artist him-self!
Amazing doorprizes and yummyrefreshments will beprovided.
FMI call The BearNecessities at 786-0992 or LIKE themon Facebook for up-dates and otherhappenings.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 69UNCLEANDYS.COM
“The cool part about naming your kid is you don't have to add 6 numbers to make sure the name is available.
Albert Einstein’s last words were spoken in German. As the nurse attending him didn’t speak the language, we’ll never know what he said.
Out ’n About at the
Redneck Blank
He looks like anOlympian...
1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway
596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811
maine-lyaction.com
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201370
“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it” – Michaelangelo
MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONSFull Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator
155 Center Street • Building G • 577-6000 [email protected] • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com
NEW! Instant & EZ Drug Test
On-Site Services Available For:•Drug & Alcohol Testing • Hair Folicle Testing • DNA/Paternity Testing
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EZ Drug Test Split Key Cup is 99% Accurate and gives results inminutes! Fully integrated cup where the tester does not have tocome in contact with the urine. Tests for 10 drugs! Cocaine, Am-phetamine, Methamphetamines, Marijuana, Opiates, Phencycli-dine, Barbiturates, Benzodiazepines, Methadone, and Ecstacy.
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Save Money!For more information on all of our services visit out website
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The common goldfish is the only animal that can see both infra-red and ultra-violet light.
Where in theWorld is
Brad Hooper?
Well, right now, he isplaying at the Freedom
Cafe in Naples
Tiffany Churchillwith her daughter,
Kiley Plourde Tiffany works at Happy DaysRestaurant in New Auburn
Riddle Me This
Q: Though liquid in na-ture, don't push me toofar; for then I will break,and the damage mayscar. What am I?
A: Glass
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201372
Did you know: Until the 1960s men with long hair were not allowed to enter Disneyland.
THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: Black holes are formed by unknown matters of solids as wellas gasses. If you are in a black hole, your head would be at your feet.
Serving all of Maine for over 40 years!
Commercial • Residential • IndustrialCall us foryour FREE
quote TODAY!
Paving (Driveways & Parking Lots) • Crack Repair Seal Coating • Concrete • Excavating • And More!
SUPERIOR PAVING COMPANY
782-4010
SUPERIOR PAVING COMPANY
Did you know: Over 40 million Ritz crackers are purchased every day.
Christina Noonanwith her son, Henry
It’s true... my mom is one of the master
minds behind the GreatFalls Balloon Festival.
She’s actually the Marketing Director, but
to me she is a mastermind.
How come younever see Cupid
with a girlfriend?
Go to: facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest
Click on “Enter to WIN”
Auburn Plaza Family Dentistryis giving away this great prize to one lucky winner!
Like us & Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to stay in the loop.
Contest ends
Sept. 11th
Enter to win this
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 73UNCLEANDYS.COM
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.
This amazing Balloon Festival picturesubmitted by Sandy Berube Turcotte
Tasha Pelletier & Katie RubinoTasha works at Marc's Auto Body in Auburn
Color MeRad 5K
How do they get the 'Do not walk on grass' signs way out in the middle of the lawn?
Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival
Justin Binette, Bert Levesque, Barbara & Frank Bart and Brian Michaud
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201374An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY
95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210
Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings
Bart Kelsea, President
(207) 784-6413
Sarah Simpson, a native ofAuburn and a 2010 graduate ofSt. Dom’s. She achieved her As-sociates degree from CentralMaine Community College andthen was accepted to EmbryRiddle Aeronautical University inDaytona, Florida. Sarah is work-ing on finishing up her Bachelorsdegree.
Sarah competed and wascrowned, Ms. Petite America, inHartford, CT last month. Herparents, Tim & Karen Simpsonare very proud and Tim states,“Not only is Sarah pretty, shehas the brains to back it up! Itwas great to see her crownedMs. Petite America, but it’s evenbetter to see her getting an edu-cation of a lifetime.”
In this photo, Sarah is at thepeak of Cadillac Mountain in BarHarbor. We challenged her dadthat if he submitted a photo ofSarah holding up Uncle Andy’sDigest we would publish it. Wewould have published it eitherway, but this photo is very cool.
Congratulations, Sarah!
Ms. Petite America 2013
SarahSimpson
BurglarySubmitted by Jimbo
The detective was in-terviewing the manwhose clothing shophad just been burglar-ized.
"It's bad," said the pro-prietor, "but it's not asbad as it could havebeen if he'd robbed meyesterday."
"Why is that?" the de-tective asked.
"Because today every-thing was on sale."
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 75UNCLEANDYS.COM
I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
207.784.2011Lease Property Referral
www.yourleasingoffice.com
Lease and Property Management
Addictive Advertising Specialties
A cure for all of your promotional product needs!
Pens, wearables,drinkware, calendars
Got a Bad Tattoo?Prove it and remove it... FREE!
is looking for the WORST tattoo in theL/A area from now to Sept.14
One winner receives a free removal!
Message us your photo on our Facebook page, or email us at [email protected]
34 Center St., Auburn • 333.3069
Howland • Lewiston, ME • 1-800-625-4136
DAVE IRELAND BUILDERS, LLCWe have over 2,500+ satisfied
Energy Audit and Air-Sealing programcustomers thanks to our partnership
with efficiency MAINE!
Miss PetiteAmerica
Sarah Simpsonmakes an
appearance at Disney.
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201376
National Atheist's Day April 1st.
Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining.
www.stlauren
20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston784-7944
READY OR NOT.It’s NOT too early to start thinki
Attention Landscapers & Contractors!We sell bulk sand/salt and straight salt. Call us for your snow
removal needs!
Money Sav
Out ’n About at the
Redneck Blank
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 77UNCLEANDYS.COM
The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
Nothing written in fine print is ever good news.
ntandson.comLocally owned and operated since 1970!
... IT’S COMING!ng about the upcoming season!
Commercial PlowingSanding, Salting
Snow Removal
Fully Insured • EOE
Call us for a FREE Quote!
ving Multi-Year Contracts AvailableAsk Today!
Out ’n About at the
Redneck Blank
783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
September 201378
Always remember to proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Worry is the first time you can't do it a second time; panic is the second time you can't do it the first time.
Medical Condition
Submitted by Jimbo
We were thoroughlyconfused. While tran-scribing medical audio-tapes, Patty, myco-worker, came uponthe following garbleddiagnosis: "This manhas pholenfrometry."
Knowing nothing aboutthat particular condi-tion, Patty doublechecked with the doc-tor.
After listening to thetape, he shook hishead.
"This man," he said,translating for her, "hasfallen from a tree."
Riddle MeThis
Q: Carl the butcherwears a size 12 shoe,is 6 feet 3 inches tall,and wears a 42-longsuit. What does heweigh?
A: He weighs meat.
Riddle MeThis
Q: Shoot at me a thou-sand times and I maystill survive; onescratch from me andyou will find yourprospects take a dive.What am I?
A: An eight ball
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
Sept. 2013 79UNCLEANDYS.COM
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
No one can ruin your day without your permission.
Family Friendly Dentistry
is accepting new patients
willowrundental.com
Come meet our friendly Dentists & StaffScott Beckerman, DMD
Geraldine Schneider, DMDJeffrey Sloan, DDS
• Family cosmetic dentistry• Emergency same-day care• Most insurance plans accepted
783-0261One Willow RunUnit 1-B, Auburn
Willow Run Dental Association
I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000 a week.
Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PMOpen Thurs. until 6PM
APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED
Glenda Mitchell: [email protected]
Tim Fox: [email protected]
Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a
“World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.
Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail
Partnering with Professionals
3 Middle Street, Lewistonshowroom.redlon-johnson.com
Now available in Oil Rubbed Bronze
Denise Purington, Rita Vatter & Terry James
Jake & Monique
Maurice Fortin with Tyler,Emma, & Mary Randall
Tiffany Sinclair & Ricki Merchant
Out ’n About at the Great Falls
Model RR Clubat the Train Fest Family Fun Day
Does anal retentive have a hyphen?
One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.
Come see us for:
865 Sabattus StreetLewiston
333-3004Hours: Mon- Fri 9:00am - 5:00pm
Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm
LIQUIDSUNSHINECAR WASH& DETAIL
• Basic Car Wash all by hand
• Full Recons
• Multi-car Dis-counts Offered
• Superior Clean-ing Products
• SatisfactionGuarantee
• ReferencesAvailable Upon Request
These guys do a top notch job!
I would highly recommend them to
anyone.
Rick of Rick’s Pools in Lewiston
Another Happy Customer!
867 Center St. Auburn • 753-0033LakeCityExports.com
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this car is a smokin’ deal
2008 Honda Accord68k, 4 cyl, 5 speed
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you driving this sexy beast
2008 Toyota RAV4103k, Auto, Sweet ride
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way to Santa Fe
2008 Hyundai Santa Fe72k, Auto, Extra clean
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Top SalesmanCOLIN DUBE
Find these and a whole lot more on our website!