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Two Worlds Apart:
Learning Disabilities in College
Ashley Fantazia
Stanislaus State University
Looking around any college campus you are guaranteed to see students in classes, studying,
talking to professors, and running around to get things taken care of. All most all of these students look
in many ways very similar. However, there are things at work that you may not be able to see or even
be aware of. The students that fall into this sometimes forgotten category are those students with
learning disabilities. Unfortunately, students with learning disabilities have a variety of hidden barriers
to success in school that may not be a direct effect of their learning disability. Although students with
learning disabilities are undoubtedly directly effected by their learning disability, they are also
indirectly effected by the system as well as misconceptions about disabilities.
Taking a close look at an individuals identity can unlock many mysteries in how that individual
communicates. As a student, the academic setting is a perfect place to do just that; look more closely at
an identity position. To understand my identity position I must first define what a learning disability is;
the national center for learning disability’s identifies “a LD [learning disability] is more than a
"difference" or "difficulty" with learning — it's a neurological disorder that affects the brain's
ability to receive, process, store, and respond to information” (Pollard, L.). One of the most
prevalent places to look at the effect that a LD has on an individual is in an academic setting, where the
ability to receive, process, store, and respond to information are key factors in succeeding in the
classroom. In college, it is the students choice to attend and continue on an educational path, unlike
high school and lower education where it is a requirement to attend. Due to this, looking at college
students with learning disabilities is perfect for research because the student is going to be motivated to
do their best to succeed.
Unfortunately, the road to success for many LD students may have often-overlooked barriers.
These barriers warrant more in-depth research to study this particular identity group. A term that is
often used to describe learning disabilities is invisible disability. This term in itself leads to the notion
of hiding because it is not something that can be visibly observed. This makes it difficult for some staff
and professors to understand that there may be more going on with a student than they can see on the
surface, making disclosure of a LD a sometimes necessary part of an LD students academic life.
However, in spite of some students proactive approach to disclosure and talking to professors at the
beginning of each semester, there are still issues with lack of understanding what a learning disability is
from professors as well as other staff, inevitably making another barrier. All of these added barriers to
success result in a disconnected group that may be more easily overlooked at a glance.
To analyze such a camouflaged group of people and their identity the use of autoethnography
as well as interviews will help shed light on such a dimly lit topic. Autoethnography has the ability to
open the door to understanding a person's identity by letting the reader step into their life for a moment
and see from their eyes. By using interviews as well as other materials this paper will be able to paint a
picture of all of the added barriers that students with learning disabilities overcome in order to succeed.
There are a number of barriers that potentially prevent the success of a student both at a university and
in the individual classes. The connection to power structures and learning disabled students is linked to
the success or failure of an LD student (Cornett-DeVito, M. M., & Worley, D. W.; Fassett, D. L., &
Morella, D. L.; Morella-Pozzi, D., & Sunseri). Morella-Pozzi & Sunseri (2012) put forth the
connection to whiteness and disability by looking at power systems being both overt and covert. This
gave way to the concept that the issues with power is both found within the classroom as well as being
a systemically bigger picture issue. Stage & Milne discuss interviewees accounts experiences with
faculty as “among the most negative,” although some did have a positive experiences (Stage, F. K., &
Milne, N. V.). Also, as noted by Worley & Cornett-DeVito disability service offices should be required
to learn how how to “respond appropriately and effectively in order to obtain the services and
accommodations to which they are entitled” (Worley, D. W., & Cornett-DeVito, M. M., p. 29).
Although tutors are not technically disability center staff, Stage & Milne propose that there is an issue
with the tutorial system due to the fact that the tutors “were provided no special training or guidance by
the university or Disabled Student Services” (p. 435).
Confidentiality and disclosure along with concepts of privilege also pose issues on a systemic
level with respect to power structures. Matthews discusses confidentiality stating that, “sharing
information beyond the teaching staff immediately working with individual disabled students, or
sharing information without explicit permission from the student concerned would be regarded by
many disabled people and workers in the area as breaching confidentiality” (p. 231). Mathews also
states, “students whose ‘hidden’ needs are ultimately declared to staff may be only a fraction of the
number of students whose impairments might never be formally disclosed or accommodated” (p. 203).
Disclosure is argued to be much like the idea of coming out as right of passage that ultimately leads to
a , ‘‘calculation or manipulation of power relationships’’ (Fassett, D. L., & Morella, D. L., p. 147).
Morella-Pozzi & Sunseri discuss accommodations and their relationship to privileged, indicating the
power structures at work with all of the content submissions of paperwork; they identify this as an
overt power (p. 155).
Apart from the barriers preventing success due to the system that LD students are a part of there
are also issues at a classroom level with both other students as well as the direct relationship to the
teachers. As argued by Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005), “instructional communication competence is
the teacher-instructor’s motivation, knowledge and skill to select, enact and evaluate effective and
appropriate verbal and nonverbal interpersonal and instructional messages filtered by studentlearners’
perceptions, resulting in cognitive, affective and behavioral studentlearner development and reciprocal
feedback” (p. 315). This relates that the competency of the teacher has a direct effect on the LD
students outcome in class. Also argued by Worley & Cornett-DeVito (2007), “not only do SWLD
[students with learning disability's] face the already existing power differential found in student-teacher
relationships, they face the additional challenges of negotiating the request for accommodation that
heightens and complicates this power differential” (p.20). This can become an issue especially when
some faculty are unwilling to allow certain accommodations like extra time for testing and become
difficult to deal with throughout their interactions (Stage, F. K., & Milne, p. 434).
Just as with the systemic issues for learning disability students there are also issues with
confidentiality and disclosure. One issue that is brought to light is an issue with instructors who are
“communicatively incompetent” where the instructors are blatantly disregarding the privacy of the
student with their disabilities by discussing them in a non-private setting (Cornett-DeVito, M. M., &
Worley, D. W., 2005). Worley & Cornett-DeVito (2007) discuss professors using “coercive and
legitimate power during their interaction” by having students who have to take their tests outside of
class due to accommodations come to class to pick up the exam in front of the other students (p. 24).
Unfortunately, students in those situations did not have the ability to decide whether or not to disclose
their disability. Additionally pointed out by Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005) students with learning
disabilities are often “reluctant to request accommodation,since they fear negative reactions” (p. 317).
Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005) continue on to define the resistance of the instructors to
accommodations due to it being viewed as special treatment.
Dealing with the concept of disclosure of a students disability to other students may also have
an effect on their success in class. Participation in class is directly effected by the issue of disclosure.
Stage & Milne discuss how LD students often times refrain from participating in classroom activities.
Also discussing the negative reactions from other students after disclosure as well as skepticism (Stage,
F. K., & Milne, N. V.). Fassett & Morella confirm the notion of refraining from participation in their
ethnography stating, “I walk a fine line of being emotionally available to the group yet remaining alert
enough to guard my secret[;] I choose my words quickly and cautiously[;] I want it to be known that I
am participating, yet unwilling to participate in many ways[;] I try to blur the lines of what I have
done and what I am expected to do” (p. 145). This lends its hand to discussions of performativity as
discussed by Fassett & Morella. Lindemann discusses performance stating, “One might also perform
more or less disability if it helps his or her cause (to receive help, to ‘‘prove’’ one has a disability, or to
hide or mask a disability in order to ‘‘pass’’)” (p.287).
Another aspect of the LD student is the issue with other individuals' lack of understanding.
Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005) related from their student interview process professors who lacked
instructional communication competence were unknowledgeable and misinformed about learning
disabilities. Where Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005) continue on to identify the front row seat as a
strategic spot for students with learning disabilities to sit in order to get around the stigma that learning
disabled students are “stupid.,” they just learn in a different way than other students. This quote from
Fasset & Morella's ethnography was a particularly good example of an individual who clearly does not
understand what an LD is exactly, “I’m not sure we do students with learning disabilities any service by
allowing them into graduate school. I mean, what with all the accommodations, can we really say they
did any of the work at all? I think that just cheapens the degree for everyone else” (p.143). Cornett-
DeVito & Worley (2005) also have a rather compelling ethnographic piece, “'Well you know, you need
to do this, this and this.' Doris responded by saying, 'I do all those things, but it doesn’t make it*/it
doesn’t mean that I’m going to understand it in that way. Some things are just*/my brain does not
comprehend them in that way. And no matter what I do, it’s not going to. And so I think that’s kind of
hard to get through to people.’” (p.324) Another account of a professors lack of understanding was
accounted by Worley & Cornett-DeVito (2007) discussing a professor who told a student with dyslexia
that if “she couldn’t handle the pressure of the classroom, she would not be able to handle the real
world” (p.25).
Basically the research found there are a small number of sources which deal with the topic of
learning disabilities with collage students. This number dwindles with the addition of power,
confidentiality and disclosure. Although, there is some research on misinformation and individuals lack
of understanding there is simply not enough sources on this topic yet. This research will bridge a much
needed gap in the existing information, piecing together all three parts and making a link to the
disconnected group of learning disabled students. Unfortunately, due to the way in which
confidentiality and disclosure relate to students with learning disabilities the group as a whole is
segregated and has little interaction between other students within their group.
Do you understand?
Going into my last semester of college before I received my BA in Communication I had a
sense of pride and accomplishment. The semester started and I had all the classes that I needed and it
didn't hurt that I liked all the subjects that I was in. One class in particular that I was very excited to be
in finally was my contemporary astronomy class. Unfortunately, that excitement faded away after just
the first week of class. On my first day of class, as I often do after lecture is over, I went up the the
front of the class and introduced myself as a disability resource student. Although, this is a formality
that doesn’t necessarily need to be adhered to I always find that it helps to put a face with a name on a
file. Although, I couldn’t pronounce my professors name, I simply addressed him as “professor” and
then said what I have said countless times before, “my name is Ashley Fantazia and I am a disability
student, if you haven’t gotten it already the office should be sending you a packet in your mail box, I
just wanted to come up and introduce myself to you.” The teacher looked at me as though he was lost
with furrowed brow and a look as though he didn’t know what to say to me, after a long pause, he said,
“um yes, can you maybe come to my office during office hours and send me an email reminding me
your name.” This didn’t seem too out of the ordinary so I replied, “sure, I can come in early on
Thursday.”
On that Thursday, I walked over to the science building where my professors office was located
and noticed that someone was already in there, so I stepped back and stood in the hall to wait for my
turn. The other student left and I was motioned into the office. He started right off, “OK I received the
papers that the office sent over,” and he paused and turned his head to stare at me standing at the side of
his desk, there was no chair, and blurted out, “oh do you need me to close the door?” Feeling confident
that this was going to be short and not being ashamed of being a disability student, I told him it was
fine and I didn't mind if the door was open. He continued, “so it says here you have testing
accommodations, what procedures do I need to do for that?” Knowing that this was this professors first
year at this particular college I felt that it was a perfectly legitimate question to ask me and I followed
up by pulling out the proctor form and going over the procedure that I had been doing since I came to
that college. I told him first that I proctor my exams and that I get a time extension, followed by filling
out this form with the test time and date and then I go into the office and take them the form that I filled
out and had him sign and they give me the new form for him to turn in the test to them for me to take
and the office takes over from there.
He asked to clarify that I would take the exam in the office when everyone else does and I went
into my explanation of needing to change the time of the exam because of the fact that the office closes
at 5pm and class does not start until 7pm. This apparently was not acceptable to him because he started
asking me a myriad of questions like can't the office just send someone to proctor your test and maybe
reserve a room next to ours? I replied the best I could and told him that I didn’t know if they do that
and that this was the only way that I have ever done it. He then went into a long story about how
another school that he worked at sent proctors to reserved rooms and asked several more times why
they couldn’t just do that so that I could take the test at the same time as everyone else. I reiterated
what I had said about the procedures that I was aware of and told him that their number should have
been on the documents he was sent if he had any more questions about procedures.
Although he did say that he could call them he continued to talk about sending someone out to a
room because giving me the test at a different time meant that he couldn’t give me the same test, which
was followed up by roughly a 10 to 15 minute lecture on cheating and how answers could be
shared and I would have to take the test in a different format. I interjected a few times during his
berating that I wouldn't do that and that if I took the test early I would just go home after because I
would be done for the day. His reply to that was another long winded explanation about how he
couldn’t be sure that I would leave and that answers could be shared. At that point I was feeling as
though he was actually calling me a cheater rather than voicing his concerns, so I simply indicated
that he could call the office and talk to them but I didn’t know what other procedures they could do
because I hadn’t done them before.
After all of that, what followed seemed to be the worst of all. Although normally a legitimate
question to me, after what I had just gone through had worn me down and I didn't know how to respond
short of almost snapping. The professor then asked me if I was absolutely sure that I would need the
extra time? I kept my cool and in the nicest way possible told him that I did and followed up by
pointing out that math was an issue, purposely drawing attention to his policy in his syllabus about, no
use of calculators on exams. At his reply my heart sank, “well, you just need more practice then.”
Almost in a daze due to the fact that I didn't quite know how to respond to him at this point, I simply
explained to him that, “I have been practicing my whole life, it hasn't gotten any better.” His rely made
me sink even lower, “well, that's why you keep practicing.” Finally, he accepted that our
conversation was going in a never-ending circle and said that he would call them and let me know what
they say. I walked out of that office feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and so
beat down. Not only did I feel like he was attacking me for a system I had no control over, it was
painfully clear that he did not understand what a learning disability is.
What's the problem?
This entire scenario is a clear representation of the problem with not only the system in which
the LD student is a part of but the interaction with individuals within the system having a lack of
understanding about learning disabilities. As discussed earlier, by Cornett-DeVito & Worley (2005)
with their compelling recounting of a similar situation in which a professor told a student that they
needed to do certain things to succeed disregarding the fact that the student already does them; as said
by Cornett-DeVito & Worley, “my brain does not comprehend them in that way[;] and no matter what I
do, it’s not going to[;] And so I think that’s kind of hard to get through to people” (p. 324). The fact of
the matter is that just being informed that a student “has” a learning disability is not enough. Within the
system there is an entire breakdown in understanding. Not only understanding the system in which they
work but understanding the reason for the system is important. After coding interview transcripts of
college students with LDs one theme that emerged is lack of understanding from administrators as well
as professors. On a number of occasions interviewees recounted experiences where an individual with
whom they were dealing reprimanded them for doing something that they used as a tool to aid their
success in class (doodling, wiggling, pen flicking) as well as having other situations where the
professor became frustrated that the student could not do something in the way that they explained.
Unfortunately this is a vicious cycle, the system does not provide clarity of information about why it is
in place it simply accounts for procedures. Added procedures requiring those within the system to
understand what it means to be learning disabled could alleviate some of this tension between the
students subjected to the polices and the individuals required to uphold the policies.
One thing to point out is the fact that learning disabled students are not stupid. Unfortunately,
the media does not help get away from this stigma that LD students are stupid. Although there are a
large number of individuals who have invisible disabilities, there are simply not enough references to
having a disability in the media and by no means are they positive. Most representations of individuals
with whom may have an invisible disability are simply depicted as a dunce or stupid or told that they
need to work harder and stop messing around. Outside of the commercials that the National Center for
Learning Disabilities puts out, there tends to be a lack of awareness and media coverage with this
particular identity group. This just reinforces the issue that many individuals have a lack of
understanding when it comes to learning disabilities.
Unfortunately, due to the fact that learning disabilities are for the most part invisible disabilities
there is the potential to hide. In some journals and articles as previously mentioned it is said that LDs
are hidden disabilities; being an individual with a learning disability I understand the desire to hide this
part of my identity from time to time. As individuals with invisible disabilities learn at a young age
other individuals may not understand that there is a reason they are different in the way in which they
learn and due to this there is commonly ridicule from others for being slow or stupid. It is partially
because of this lack of awareness that makes it so easy to just dismiss the ridicule and accept it as a part
of how things are in American society.
The National Center for Learning Disabilities put out a commercial to bring more emphasis on
kids with issues; the video is called “Up and Down, the Journey through Dyslexia & Other LDs.”
Unfortunately, in just the first few seconds of the video it shows an animated classroom full of students
highlighting one student who is having difficulties, where he sinks down in his chair hiding part of his
face and then gets ridiculed by the student sitting right next to him. The student laughs at him and calls
him names like stupid and another student chimes in with dummy, then dyslexia shows up on the
screen with the slumped over student having trouble. A number of words show up on the screen
including math, ADHD, spelling, dysgraphia, dyspraxya, attention, and dyslexia. Following the words
is the student crying while wondering questions like, am I dumb, am I stupid and am I a loser. A star
with the words “I believe in you,” appear on the screen with cheery music and the kids face lights up,
wide eyes, raised eyebrows, and a smile. A teacher appears and says, “I can help you,” the boy smiles
and says I can do this, ending with all the kids back in their seats reading their books including the boy
this time.
Although the commercial does help highlight that there is an issue with the way in which some
individuals learn, the commercial also represents ridicule and separates the boy with the learning
disability as different from the other children. Unfortunately, as history will tell you being different in
America is not the best thing to be. An overwhelming 37 seconds of a 1 minute 7 second commercial is
representing the negativity of being different and having a learning disability. In the segment where the
child hides his head at the beginning of the commercial and is still trying to look like he is trying to
read is a good link to ideas of passing. Passing is where an individual from one group attempts to pass
as a part of another group and be accepted by that group as a member. In this case the boy with the
learning disability is trying to be accepted as a student without a learning disability. Although, the boy
did not successfully pass with the group of students it was clear that the boy did not want to be seen as
different.
Also, the ducking of the head shows signs of shame along with all of the questions that the boy
asks himself like “am I dumb.” Shame has a strong association with individuals who are different, also
in this case it has to do with a very personal part of the individuals identity making the shame felt
deeply. There have been many times in which I have had the misfortune of feeling shame in cases like
the boy having issues with reading like the other members of his class. It is almost as if it feels like
there is a deficiency and in some way everyone knows that you can't do something. This is a common
feeling, however, it is not that the individual can't do something, it may be that the individual just may
have to do it in a different way than others.
This type of media that shows just how different and incapable on their own individuals with
learning disabilities are continues to shape how these individuals are treated and understood. Due to the
reinforcement of the premise that the individuals are incapable and therefore may be made fun of,
perpetuates an ongoing issue. If instead of showing the individual as not being able to do something we
show the individual doing it in a new or different way, it may have the power to show other students
that it is okay to think outside the box and try new things. A bigger reinforcement that the individuals
are not incapable would be to show them explaining how they might do things to another student rather
than focus on the negativity that is commonly dumped on learning disability students.
Communicating about learning disabilities is almost always predicated by a negative example.
It is strongly perceived as a negative thing to learn that you have or have a child who has a learning
disability. This is unfortunate because there are many people who live and thrive each day who are
fully capable adults who have learning disabilities, they just think about things in a different way. It
should not be looked at as the individual having little to no ability, yet, it seems to be leaning towards
that in the media. The media pushes the idea that individuals with learning disabilities need others to
walk them through things and hold their hand, when in fact individuals with learning disabilities need
only to figure out how their own brain works and utilize resources to help them succeed. Ultimately,
this type of mediated text about learning disabilities merely reinforces a stigma that LD students are
stupid and provides no possibility for individuals to better understand what a learning disability is.
Shhhh, its a secret
Again I had to deal with my astronomy teacher and my next experience with this professor
came when it came time to schedule my first exam. I approached my teacher after lecture with my card
in hand promptly filled out, ready for a signature. Although there were other students around I did not
think twice about just going up for a signature but what came next horrified me. My professor while
standing up front with students still gathered around, began to discuss rather loudly again about
cheating and needing me to take a different kind of test because I wouldn’t take it at the same time. He
then proceeded to push me about my testing outside of class, noting that I was taking the exam too
early and why can't I take it later, closer to the rest of the class. I felt alienated. He then said that he
couldn’t approve that time for me and asked me if I could leave my conflicting class early in order to
take it closer to the time of everyone else. I was so embarrassed and flustered, I didn't know what to say
to him. He had made no attempt to talk more privately and whats more he again intimated that I might
cheat because of my “circumstances.” Feeling completely vulnerable in front of the other students I
agreed to his terms and made arrangements to leave early for that test.
I wish I could say that that was my last problem with this teacher. Again, another test rolled
around and by this time I had already voiced my concerns with the disability center about this
professor. Unfortunately, my sighs of relief knowing that someone had talked to him about procedures
were met with disappointment and yet again embarrassment. Knowing that I needed to yet again get a
signature I prepared myself and entered the class. I sat down got my laptop out and waited for class to
start. The instructor came in and set up and chitchatted for a little bit and then started addressing the
class. He took care of procedural things first because some people had issues with the i-clickers and
talked about the test. Just then it was like he had an epiphany... He then turned to me as he stood in
front of class and said that he needed to talk to me after class about my testing. If I could have shrunk
into my chair and disappeared I would have. I felt as though he had just outed me to the whole class.
Why would you tell my secret?
Confidentiality is a huge part of the system that is in place for LD students. Yet the system
seems to continually break down. When the system breaks down and information is leaked without the
intent of the student, shame and embarrassment seem to take over. As found in most research on LDs
confidentiality is studied at the point at which it breaks down because of the effect that it has over the
individuals being “outed” and the performative aspect that surrounds the issue. Fassett & Morella
discuss “performance as 'making,'’’ as an explicit acknowledgment of how our actions and our
language creates the social fabric, takes on even greater significance in light of whether a student is
‘‘out’’ as “disabled” (p. 146). Seeing that most of the recounted break downs seem to happen with
teachers it is only natural that the focus of study would be there, however, it is much more complex
than that.
Closed doors
I have a test today, I thought as I took a deep breath and sighed a little. I'm not ready I told
myself, but that was no matter its not like I am ever as ready as I could be. Ok, walk in, go to my
testing area and sit down, I have about 45 min before they will let me into the room. I went up, sat
down, and pulled out my notes... words words words.... all I ever do is look at words on a page and
hope that I can read fast enough to make it through the page before I run out of time. Sitting there
staring at the page... The page in front of my face was the only thing in my little bubble at that point. It
takes all of my concentration to read, its like I shut down, every thing that is not helping me read is put
on standby. Words, words, words... half way down the page, 20 minutes... figures, I think to myself.
Just keep reading, words, words words... suddenly, to knock me out of my bubble, a tap on my
shoulder, apparently the office clerk had been saying my name and I didn't even notice. “what time is
your test,” she asked rather perplexed. I told her I had a little time and I thought that I would study a bit
before I go in. she had a rather odd look on her face an expression that I couldn't describe if I wanted to
but then she calmly and in a soft tone told me that she was sorry but I couldn't be in there that early.
When I inquired why, she said it was because of policy. I paused for a moment and said but I always
look at my notes in here just before a test. I got a quick, “yes, but you're not usually here more than 10
minutes early.” she paused, and told me that maybe I could step out into the hall and wait for it to get
closer to my test. Again I couldn't help myself and I asked, why? The reply was so strange to me that I
didn't know what to say to her. She told me in a rather mater of fact tone, its because this is a
confidential area and you being here too early might mean you would see other students and find out
that they use our facilities. Let the world stop, I thought, other students... but I use them too, whats the
big deal, aren’t we in some ways the same, I thought to myself.
Not to cause a scene I walked out to the hall and went to splash some water on my face in the
bathroom. I was furious. I didn't understand why I couldn't sit inside the waiting area with the desks
and chairs that were clearly supposed to be there for me. But it was too early she said. I might see
someone else she said. So what! I just want to sit down near where I take my test and study a little. For
goodness sake, it takes me almost half an hour or so to go through one page of notes. I’m not a spy...
Unfortunately, this little incident rattled me and I had been ranting in my head, but why shouldn't I.
Whats the big deal if I find out someone else has a learning disability any way. I splashed some cold
water on my face and went out into the hall with my page of notes. Deep breath, you got a test to take,
words words word...
Why is it a secret?
Unfortunately the issue with confidentiality is not exactly as simple as it may seem. Some may
say, well just make sure that you keep the issue confidential and that solves it, but it doesn't. By simply
accepting the fact that the information is and only should be confidential, you preclude the possibility
that it is a normal thing to have a disability and does not need to bring shame. This point again
perpetuates the overwhelming uninformed populace about disabilities by keeping all of the dealings
with the matter extremely private. Yet again another theme that showed up in the coded transcripts from
my interviews was confidentiality problems. One individual recounted a painful experience with an
instructor where they spoke loudly in a hall and ended up with the student disclosing that they didn't
understand and overwhelmed the student with embarrassment because of their learning disability. As
talked about earlier in the paper telling others about your learning disability is similar to being outed,
much like the gay community. The difference however, is the fact that within that community there is a
since of community and individuals are linked and talk within the group about their shared experience
with instances like this. With the LD students, the confidentiality issue makes the idea of community
hard to grasp.
The system itself is a long list of power structures, mechanisms, and protocols put in place to
help aid and protect students with learning disabilities. Unfortunately, the system helps create another
problem, segregation Most identity positions can be easily identified as a group and in most cases it is
relatively easy to find other people belonging to that group. Individuals who have learning disabilities
are a group of people, however, that group is kept invisible. By that I mean that the system in which is
meant to protect these students helps reinforce the separation of these students and keep them as a
secret. To go to such extreme lengths to protect students by keeping their learning disabilities
confidential that it is unacceptable for a LD student to see another LD student because it would
compromise their confidentiality, there is something wrong with the system. Due to this system in
which LD students are subjected to they are inevitably segregated, not only as a group and made to feel
different but from each other. It is hard to think of LD students as a group because they do not function
as as a group, they are merely a category for identity, who happened to be a “group of people.”
You can't make me!
A day like most any other day. It started out by getting up, eating, getting ready for school, and
driving there. Walking on campus it was a beautiful day and all seemed right with the world but what I
didn't know was that, that wonderful feeling of a nice day was going to shortly fade. I walked into class
took my seat and waited for the class to start. The class was all sitting every which way and chatting
waiting on the teacher. The teacher came in and announced that today we were going to read over a
review of Shakespeare the Tempest as a class. My heart stopped... I felt as though all of the walls were
closing in on me and I was trapped. READ... AS A CLASS... All I could think of was, did she
remember my conversation with her about my learning disability at the beginning of the semester. Oh
god, that was, months ago, I don't know if she remembers. I asked her, I know I asked her, I told her not
to have me do any cold reads, I told her what I always tell my teachers when I approach them about my
learning disability, “please don't have me do any cold reads in class because I develop more ticks than a
lime disease research center.” My head was spinning and it was getting harder and harder to focus. I
looked at the paper frantically, 5 pages front and back, that makes 10 pages, about 3 to 4 paragraphs per
page, Oh NO, there's only 12 people in class today... that's not enough!
What I didn't know was that it was even worse than I expected. Panicked I though, ok, maybe
she'll read, maybe she'll make us do popcorn, maybe she'll... oh no, it is, she wants us to take turns
going around the room and I'm number 4... ok, ok... now if everybody reads a paragraph I should be
number 4, READ, READ, READ, I told myself... if you can just read that paragraph enough before
they get to you, you wont sound like a little kid learning how to read... I frantically began to read the
forth paragraph... WHAT? SHE DIDN'T STOP, SHE DIDN'T STOP!!! The first girl didn't stop... oh no,
I'm reading the wrong paragraph, ok, ok, number 5... READ, READ, READ, maybe you can make it...
Oh god! She didn't stop AGAIN... My hear is pounding, I can feel it from my neck without even
touching it... I'm radiating heat... my face feels like it could spontaneously combust. Next person... ok
on track, maybe they'll read only one and I can count, but it didn't happen, he read 2 the next read 3 and
then it was my turn... DID SHE REMEMBER??? no, she didn't... she pointed at me and I froze, I
couldn't breath, I couldn't talk, I felt like my heart was going to shoot across the room and smack her in
the face... (she was a lovely girl, so young to die, but her heart seemed to just give out) maybe I could
faint, or puke, I’m sure they wouldn’t make me read if I blew chunks across the room. All of this went
through my head with the speed that a bullet leaves a gun. In a split second all I did was hunch over,
glaze my eyes over, furrow my brow, slightly puff my cheeks, and shake my head no profusely to
indicate that I was sick and couldn’t read that day. After that, I really did feel sick, and it wasn't over...
they made another pass around the room... all I could think for the rest of the class was, did they buy
that I was sick, I wonder if they know?
The system made it this way
It made me this way, all of this talk about lack of understanding, the system, and confidentiality
lead back to the students. By that what I mean is that the system put in place to help and protect LD
students as well as the lack of understanding what a learning disability is, created an environment in
which LD students are ashamed and outcast by their disability. Passing becomes a necessary part of a
LD students life because of the unacceptable nature of being learning disabled and whats worse
prospect of disclosure. As discussed previously with confidentiality, when the system breaks down in
instances of outing, emotions like embarrassment and shame are present. The same is true in situations
within the class room where a persons invisible disability may become visible.
However, the difference in the situation in the classroom is that some of the control stays with
the LD student. This creates yet another barrier for LD students in classes, refusal to participate. This
idea came out of the previously mentioned literature as well as recounts from interviewed students as a
normal practice. Unfortunately it is not the students fault for refusing to participate, it is the fault of the
system in which they are being kept. The back and forth nature of all of the forms that they must fill out
is like a maze that beats them down and keeps them running; The confidentiality policies keep them
segregated and in the dark from one another; The ultimate lack of understanding leads to the
perpetuation and reinforcement of these policies and confines these students to the shadows because
they are different and they are alone. Each of these points makes it a survival technique for an LD
student to refuse to participate from time to time because it is more important to appear the same than
different within the construct of the system.
In the future research on the topic of learning disabled students should reflect the disconnected
nature of their group, or category as I mentioned previously, and the roll that the system plays in
keeping them in separated and oppressed. Each of the topics that have been discussed in this paper are
connected to the barriers in which a learning disabled student must overcome if they are to succeed. In
order for LD students to step out of the shadows and move forward some changes must be made. It is
my hope that this topic will be continued to be researched. By hiding learning disabilities it creates
problems on systemic and interpersonal levels that continues to inhibit not only the success of LD
students but prohibits the allowance of a community to form, leaving them as a category rather than a
group.
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