Two of Us: A Lonely Hearts Club short story by Elizabeth Eulberg

8/10/2019 Two of Us: A Lonely Hearts Club short story by Elizabeth Eulberg

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W R I T T E N B Y

E L I Z A B E T H E U L B E R G

TwoofUs:ALonelyH

eartsClub

ShortStory

Point


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Authors Note:PLEASE NOTE , I F YOU HAVENT READ The Lonely Hearts

Club, this short story is one BIG spoiler! Seriously. So if youre

the type of person who doesnt like stories to be spoiled (like

me), read The Lonely Hearts Clubfirst. Dont worry, Ill wait . . .

Ready? Awesome. If not, youve been warned.

Proceed at your own risk.


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ALSO BY ELIZABETH EULBERG

The Lonely Hearts Club

Prom & PrejudiceTake a Bow

Revenge of the Girl with the Great Personality

Better Off Friends


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Copyright 2014 by Elizabeth Eulberg Published by Point, an imprint of Scholastic Inc., Publisherssince 1920. scholastic, point, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks ofScholastic Inc. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions.No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverseengineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in anyform or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, withoutthe express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write toScholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012. e-ISBN 978-0-545-79971-3 First edition, November 2014 Book design by Elizabeth B. Parisi


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I, Penny Lane Bloom, am going on

a date.

I know,WHAT?

Okay, it isnt that big of a deal for

most sixteen-year-old girls to go on a

date. It wouldve been a normal thing

for me even four months ago. But that

was four months ago. That was before

I formed The Lonely Hearts Club and

vowed to myself and pretty much

the entire student body at McKinley

High that I wouldnt date another guy

for as long as I was in high school.

Such a boisterous declaration wouldve

probably been seen as rash, but it

wasnt to the thirty girls who decidedto join me.

We quickly took over the school. We

became a sisterhood. We didnt need

boys, only each other. We, quite frankly,

rocked.


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We also mayve been a little too

quick to judge guys so harshly just

because of a few idiots (Im looking at

you, Nate Taylor, aka Jackass). So we

lifted the dating ban.

Which worked out nicely for me since

Ryan Bauer had to come along and

be sweet, nice, and, as my best friendTracy would say, freakin hawt.

So Im about to go on a date with

Ryan Bauer.

Ive gone on plenty of first dates

before, so theres really nothing to be

nervous about. Ive known Ryan for

years. Its basically just any other day.

Although it would be super awesome

if someone could tell the butterflies in

my stomach to calm down already.


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Two of UsWere on our way home.


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1

I HATED STEREOTYPES, ESPECIALLY ONES ABOUT girls.

That we were giddy, boy-obsessed creatures who wore pink,

couldnt play sports, and cared more about doing our nails

than doing math equations.The Lonely Hearts Club had proven all of the above to be

false. We were strong, smart, independent young women. We

played sports, we dominated our classes, and we wore what-

ever colors we wanted (okay, Diane really, reallyliked pink).

So there was a lot of self-loathing going on as I stood in

front of my closet, completely flipping out over what to wearon my date with Ryan.

My date with Ryan.

It all seemed so surreal. Sure, I had flirted with Ryan a lot,

even when he was dating Diane. It was harmless, I used to reason

with myself. There was no way it would ever go anywhere.Then Ryan

became single right around the time I gave up on dating boys.The flirting, the joking between classes, suddenly took on a

different tone, even though there was no way he couldve ever

been interested in me.

Was I wrong on thatone.

So I found myself getting ready to go out with one of the

cutest, kindest guys Id ever known.


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2

Thank you, karma!

Honestly, this wasnt the first time Id been stressed about

what Id wear when I would see Ryan. We went to a Beatlestribute concert a little while ago. I was sure we were going as

just friends, but Ryan thought it was a date. (My bad.)

This time we were both on the same page.

A date.

And reminiscing about the most awkward good night ever

wasnt solving my biggest dilemma: What was I going to wear?Normally, whenever there was a question of clothing, Id

ask Diane. But not this time. Even though she kept insisting

she was happy that Ryan and I were dating (Wait, are we dat-

ing? Does one date equal girlfriend and boyfriend? I swear I used to know

how to do this), it felt weird to me. Did she really expect me to call

her up and say, Hey, Diane, so what should I wear to look extrahot for your ex?

I realized I was being silly about what Id be wearing. After

everything Ryan and I had been through to get to this moment,

he wouldnt care about what clothes I had on.

While The Lonely Hearts Clubs rules now allowed dat-

ing, it also reminded each of us to not change who we werefor a guy. With that thought in mind, I grabbed my favorite

dark jeans, black tank top, and long, warm gray cardigan, and

shoved my feet into my black snow boots. It was comfortable,

warm, and me.

Outfit was done; now there was only one barrier left before

Id be able to fully enjoy my date with Ryan.


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3

Stop staring out the window, Mom commanded me from

the living room couch. Ryans going to need to come in tosay hello.

My hopes of sparing Ryan from my parents were quickly

dashed. Granted, I probably shouldve been a little more stealth

about it instead of having my hand on the doorknob, ready to

run out the second I saw his car.

I backed away from the front door right as Ryans car pulledup. I sat on the couch, not wanting to appear overly anxious

for his arrival.

Dad looked up from his paper. Do you want me to get

the door?

No. I got up and took a deep breath.

Ryan was about to ring the doorbell when I opened thedoor. Hey! He looked at me and smiled.

Hey! I replied. I couldnt help but stare into his blue eyes.

I used to have to hide my feelings around him, but now there

wasnt anything standing in our way. Although openly ogling

my date in front of my parentsprobablywasnt the smartest move

on my part. Come on in.I grabbed my coat and quickly put it on, hoping we could

leave as soon as I was ready. My parents both got up and made

the requisite parental small talk with Ryan.

So, Ryan, Mom said as she crossed her arms (that was

not a good sign). I never got a chance to ask you what you

thought of that cover band you went to a few weeks back.


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Uh-oh.

There was no way Ryan could win. If he said he liked them,

Mom wouldve taken issue with him complimenting a rip-offband. But if he said he hated it, shed take it as a swipe at the

music.

I found myself holding my breath as Ryan answered.

He gave Mom a warm smile. Well, clearly nobody can touch

the real thing, but its hard to ruin those brilliant songs.

Wow. Hes good.Mom was impressed, too.

Before she could grill him any further, I opened up the

door. Well, we should get going. We have, ah I stopped

myself. I didnt really know what wed be doing. I didnt

really care.

We have dinner reservations, Ryan explained as he placedhis hand at the small of my back and guided me outside.

We got to his car, and he opened the door for me, then

walked around to the drivers side.

We were finally alone.

What? Ryan asked with his brow furrowed as he peered

at me.What? I asked back, hoping that I didnt have anything

on my face.

He tilted his head with an amused expression. Youre smil-

ing. Im simply curious as to why, not that it isnt one of my

favorite sights to see.


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5

I am? I hadnt realized it, but I was practically beaming.

Oh, well . . . I looked down, wondering if I shouldve made

up some excuse, but I didnt want to play any more games withRyan. I turned to face him. Im really happy were finally

doing this.

Me, too. He began to lean toward me, but stopped him-

self. He cleared his throat. Yeah, well, ah, we should get going.

He turned the ignition on and started to pull away. I guess

maybe we should wave good-bye to your parents.I looked back at the house to see my parents staring out the

front door.

Yeah, that isnt horrifyingly embarrassing or anything, Mom and Dad.

While I had no idea where we were going, I did know two

things for certain: I was going to meet him outside next time

we went on a date, and that there wouldbe a next time.

Where are you taking me? I asked Ryan as he merged the

car onto the interstate.

Well, I thought wed get out of Parkview and head over to

Winnetka. Is that okay?

It wasnt okay; it was perfect.Parkview was a small town, and there was a pretty good

chance wed run into somebody if we stayed. It wasnt that I

was embarrassed to be seen with Ryan, but when youve spent

the last four months being the public face of a non-dating

club, there was a chance some people might find the fact that


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you were on a date hypocritical. I didnt want to have to watch

my back or be self-conscious tonight.

We drove twenty minutes to Winnetka, and it was like anyother time Id hung out with Ryan: Wed banter flirtatiously,

Id tease him for the jock rock on his iPod, and hed quiz me

about all things Beatles. Except this time I really, really wanted

to kiss him. Wed shared one kiss a couple of nights ago at the

Clubs holiday party. It was nice, but too short.

Snow started falling lightly as we arrived downtown. Wewalked around and looked in store windows as we talked about

our upcoming holiday plans. We didnt have school for two

weeks, and I planned on spending time with my family, the

Club, and, hopefully, Ryan.

Oh! I exclaimed as I saw a bookstore. Can we go inside

for a second? I need to get my dads present.Ryan and I walked into The Book Stall, and I maneuvered

us to the nonfiction section.

Whoa, Ryan remarked as he picked up the nearly one-

thousand-page Beatles biography I was looking at. Thats

quite a history.

I made sure Dad wasnt going to buy it for himself sothered be something I could get him, I said. He reads every

book that comes out about the Beatles, but spends most of

his time criticizing it: what its gotten wrong, what stories

arent new . . .

He should write his own book.


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7

I shook my head. Yeah, dont think he hasnt thought

about that. Please do me a favor and never mention it to him.

He doesnt need the encouragement.I took the book up to the cash register, happy to have one

more item checked off my growing Christmas list.

Wait, does this mean that I should get Ryan a Christmas gift? Since were,

like, dating and stuff? Or if I get him a gift, would that freak him out since

weve only gone on one date? Whats the protocol?

I SWEAR I used to know how to do this.Have everything you need? Ryan asked as I took the

shopping bag off the counter.

Yep, I replied. Although I didnt have everything. What I

really needed was to not second-guess everything.

The Club wasnt the only reason it took Ryan and me a

while to finally get to this place. We werent in Parkview, so Ididnt have to worry about being caught on a date, even

though I was allowed to date. So, of course, I had to let my

mind start overanalyzing everything that could happen after

this date.

Enough, Penny. Focus on the here, the now. THE DATE.

Holy crap, Im on a date with Ryan Bauer!!We walked a couple more blocks to a restaurant where

Ryan did have reservations. (Of course, he wouldnt have lied to

my parents or me. He was the complete opposite of Nate the

Jerk.) We were seated at a four-top next to a fireplace. It was

cozy, it was intimate, and it was perfect.


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8

Ryan pulled out my seat for me, then instead of sitting

across from me, he went to the chair directly to my right. We

were only inches away from each other. He pulled off his woolhat and shook out his wavy dark hair. I gripped my water glass

tightly, resisting the urge to reach out to him, to touch him.

Or, you know, make out with him.

Maybe it wouldve been better to be in Parkview? I didnt

think I could trust myself alone with Ryan. Id had to hold

back with him for months. There was only so much more Icould take. I was only human, after all.

So, I have an awkward question for you. He pursed his

lips together, trying to hold in a laugh. But, to clarify, this is

a date, right?

I narrowed my eyes at him. Oh, ha-ha, I said dryly.

He laughed. I simply thought I should ask since last time Iwas a little confused. I figured, fool me once . . .

I picked up the menu to study it, but I couldnt contain the

smile that was creeping onto my face. He had every right to

bust me for the Beatles non-date.

While I was only human, I was also a little slow when it

came to Ryans feelings.And, he continued, were we supposed to get a permis-

sion slip to do this, or . . .

I threw my menu down at the table, fully prepared to say

something snarky. But I was rendered speechless when I made

eye contact with Ryan. He was looking at me with so much

happiness stretched across his face. His eyes were lit up and


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his cheeks were ruddy, most likely from the cold outside. I

hadnt realized how much I had truly, truly wanted this until

that moment.Rest assured, I got all the required paperwork taken care

of, I replied, knowing that my wide grin matched his.

Excellent. He gently took my right hand in his left.

Oh! He exclaimed. Your hands are freezing. Now I know

what to get you for Christmas: new gloves.

So I willbe adding Ryan Bauer to my Christmas list.Ryan put my right hand in both of his and started rubbing

my hand. When he was satisfied with the warmth of my right

hand, he moved on to my left.

I was transfixed by his careful, tender movements. It had

been so long since Id allowed, or even trusted, a guy to take

care of me. That simple gesture of providing me warmthmeant more to me than I was able to express. The mere fact

that I permitted it to happen, in public no less, was a huge

step for me.

Ryan took both of my hands in his, inspected his work,

then gave my hands a quick kiss before placing them back on

the table.All good? He looked extremely satisfied with himself.

Yes, its all good. I reached over to give his hand a quick

squeeze, but Ryan held on to it.

It was more than all good. It was exactly what I needed. He

was exactly what I needed.

While The Lonely Hearts Club helped with the heartbreak


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I felt after The Nate Debacle, what truly helped a broken

heart was finding the right person to mend it.

Another thing that I always found to help with problems of

any kind was food. Lots and lots of yummy food.

Im stuffed, Ryan remarked when the waitress took away

the sparse remnants of the buffalo chicken pizza that had

served as our appetizer. I dont think I have room for my

burger.My eyes got wide. I was still hungry and couldnt wait for

my sandwich. It shouldnt have come as a surprise that Ryan

wasnt used to someone who could keep up, since Diane wasnt

as big of an eater as I was. Not like there were many people

who were, present company included.

He put his arm on the back of my chair. Okay, so I have aserious question, for real.

Of course. I found myself positioning my back so it

touched his hand.

How is this going to work? With the Club? And I want

you to tell me the truth.

Id only tell you the truth, I said. Ryan deserved to hearthe truth from me; he deserved someone worthy of him. I dont

really know. The Club meets on Saturday nights, so I need to

be there. I eat lunch with the Club, but we arent a dictator-

ship. We can come and go as we please.

So can I take you to school?

And take that great pleasure away from Tracy?


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11

He shook his head fiercely. No, I dont want to take any-

thing away from anybody, especiallyTracy.

Most people felt like it was best to avoid confrontationwith my best friend. Few ever won a battle with her. Present

company included on that one as well.

It doesnt hurt to ask, I said, although we both couldnt help

but laugh at that scenario. What else did you have in mind?

I liked that Ryan talked so openly with me about the future.

I knew I wouldnt have to wait three days to hear from him orthat hed pull any of that unexplainable male dating behavior.

Well, I have lots of things up my sleeve, but what would

be the fun if I gave all my secrets away?

Like you can keep a secret, I teased him. You waited

about four-point-five seconds before telling Diane that you

found out she was our eighth-grade class president.So I wasnt supposed to tell her what I overheard in the

office? Thats being honest and excited for someone. Believe

me, Ive kept my share of secrets.

Name one, I dared him.

Uh, its not a secret anymore if I tell it. Although . . .

The waitress interrupted Ryans thought as she placed ashort rib sandwich in front of me, then gave Ryan his burger,

and set an order of bacon tater tots that were each the size of

my fist in the middle of the table.

Although . . . I prodded Ryan. As much as food could

distract me, he wasnt going to get away with keeping some-

thing from me that easily.


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12

AlthoughI guess I could tell you a secret that has to do with

you. He raised his eyebrow playfully.

Ryan had a secret about me?What secret?

He motioned with his finger for me to come closer, and I

leaned in so he could whisper in my ear. Ive wanted to take

you out since the first day of school, and each day that has

passed since has been torture. And since Im spilling, you

should also know that I wanted to spend every moment atHomecoming with my arms wrapped around you.

He pulled away and left me sitting there dumbfounded. All

that time he had liked me, and I was wrapped up in my own

drama. I was closed off to the idea of being with any guy,

especially him.

I have a secret, too, I blurted out. I . . . I stammered,trying to fully form a coherent thought.

Ryan leaned in to hear what I had to say.

Ive wanted to do this since you dropped me off after

the Christmas party. Before I could talk myself out of it,

I grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him into me. I

kissed him quickly, then backed away before Ryan really knewwhat hit him.

Wow, he said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Secrets andsurprises. Not a bad first date, Bloom.

I looked at him, pretending to be shocked. This is a date?

Why I NEVER!

Thats not funny. He jokingly wagged his finger at me.


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13

I think its hilarious. I popped a tot into my mouth.

He shook his head as he picked up his burger. Looks like

Im going to need my strength to keep up with you.You know it.

Id never had one of those dates where time didnt seem to reg-

ister. Even with Nate, I was always aware of how much longer

we had together (since we dated in secret) and even what time

it was.None of that mattered with Ryan.

Well, none of that mattered to me. My parents, however,

were more than concerned about what time it was and that I

made curfew. Fortunately, Ryan was paying attention.

Yikes, he remarked upon seeing the time. Ive got less

than thirty minutes to get you home, and we might hit traffic.What? I blinked like I couldnt understand that it was

close to nine-thirty, that wed been at the restaurant for nearly

three hours.

Nate and I had our entire childhood filled with memories

to discuss, and we never had the kind of seamless conversation

that Ryan and I had had, or for as long.Stop comparing Ryan to Nate, Penny. Ryan is nothing, nothing

like Nate.

Thank God.

By the time we got to Ryans car, I wanted time to slow

down even further, for us to not have to part ways so quickly.

There was so much left that I wanted to say and do on our


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14

date. While I knew that wed have other dates and more time

together, I wanted to make every second count with Ryan.

The next couple of weeks were going to be great, but thenschool would be back and thered be homework, more Lonely

Hearts Club events, and more things to get in the way. I didnt

want anything to affect our relationship, but I knew it was

going to be hard.

I was going to have to make choices. But tonight, the deci-

sion was easy: Ryan.Now time was at the forefront of my mind, and not only

in regards to the future. I stared at the clock as we made our

way back to Parkview, and we were only a couple of blocks

away from my house when I asked Ryan to pull over.

Are you embarrassed that people might see me drop you

off? he asked as he parked the car on the corner.No, I wanted to say good-bye to you . . . in private. It

wouldnt have shocked me if my parents were still staring out

the window.

Oh. Ryans eyes lit up. Private is good.

Yeah my stomach stared twisting I had a really

good time tonight. Thanks for dinner.Thank youfor letting me take you out,finally. It was a lot

of fun.

I pulled out my phone and started the timer.

Ah, whats going on? Ryans voice was laced with confu-

sion as my timer started to count down from five minutes.


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15

I have to be home in seven minutes, but I have a feeling

that I might get distracted, so I wanted to be careful.

What would distract But before Ryan could finish his sentence, I pulled him in

for a kiss for the second time that evening. But unlike the last

public one where I was quick, this time I relished every second

of his lips on mine. He unbuckled his seat belt, so he could

reach around me and pull me in even closer. I cupped one

hand gently on his chin, while my other ran through his hair.We both groaned when my phone started to beep. I begrudg-

ingly pulled one hand away, then took my phone and threw it

in the backseat.

Ryan backed away from me reluctantly. That was the

shortest five minutes in the history of the world.

Stupid phone.Yeah . . . Ryan let out a long breath as we silently stud-

ied each other. I guess I should . . . But he thought better

of it and went in for another kiss. This time I grabbed him

closer.

With a free hand, Ryan started his car up. We need to

stop, because Im picturing your mom really mad at me.Ew, that is not what I want you to be thinking right now.

Me neither. He put the car in drive as I reached into the

backseat for my phone, and we pulled in front of my house at

precisely nine fifty-nine. So, do you think you can make

some time in your busy holiday schedule for another date?


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16

I think I can manage that. I tried to play coy, but my

huge smile betrayed me. Let me have my people get in touch

with your people.Cant wait. He squeezed my hand as I opened up the door.

Me, too. I got out and immediately tried to calm down

on my walk to the front door. There was no way I could walk

in and face my parents with a goofy grin on my face. They

would know something was up. Although I couldnt appear to

be upset, either. It was always a delicate balance with them.I took a deep breath before opening the door. They were

both in the living room, reading.

Howd it go, kiddo? Dad asked.

It was good. We went to a restaurant in Winnetka,

nice food.

I see he got you home without a minute to spare, Momcommented.

Traffic, I lied.

Mom narrowed her eyes at me before going back to her book.

Well, Ive always liked Ryan. Im glad you had a good time.

Thanks. I took that as my cue to go upstairs and finally

reply to the various texts Tracyd sent throughout the night.I decided that short and sweet would be the best response

to her query on how the date went:

It was awesome.

Nice! I take full responsibility for it.


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18

I didnt want to believe it, but my phone confirmed that I

had accidentally sent the smitten response to Ryan, not Tracy.

This was why I should never do more than one thing at atime. If I tried to balance too many things, one was bound to

end in disaster. After a perfect first date, Ryan would now

assume that I was a complete stalker. I should send him a lock

of my hair for good measure to totally freak him out.

In the middle of my breakdown on how to repair the

potential damage my gushing to Ryan would cause, he replied.I was almost too afraid to look.

Me too.

Those two words seemed to lift a weight off my shoulders

that I wasnt aware I was carrying. Even though I was so over

Nate, there were still remnants from my bad relationships

lodged into my subconscious. I always felt like I needed to becareful with what I said or what I did around a guy, though

they never showed the same courtesy. Even with The Lonely

Hearts Club supporting me, reminding me that all I needed

to be was myself, those bad boy habits were still in me.

I didnt have to second guess myself around Ryan, though.

He liked me for me, flaws and all.And I liked him . . . even though he was pretty clueless

about all things Beatles.

I may be wrong about a lot of things, but there was one

thing that I knew for certain: Ryan was one of the best things

to happen to me.

Now I just had to make sure I didnt screw it up.


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Keep reading for a special sneak peek of

We Can Work It Out, the return to the characters of

The Lonely Hearts Clubfrom romantic comedy

superstar Elizabeth Eulberg!


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TwoONE OF THE BENEF I T S OF THE educational system doing

everything by alphabetical order was that my school locker

was only three away from my boyfriends.

Ryan greeted me on Monday with a quick kiss on thecheek.

Hey! I started pulling out my books for class. And how

was your weekend?

He closed his locker door. It was okay.

I raised an eyebrow at him. Just okay? Thats weird I

heard that you were out with your amazing girlfriend.Shes also extremely humble, he fired back.

Eileen Vodak, a freshman member of the Club, approached

me. Hey, Penny, do you know who the guy with Diane is? I

saw them in the office yum!

Its probably our new foreign exchange student from

Australia, I answered. I havent met him yet. Is he hot?Im right here! Ryan protested.

I rolled my eyes dramatically at him before turning back to

Eileen.

She motioned in the direction of the hallway where Diane was

now walking with a guy who was ridiculously good-looking.

Out of respect for Ryan, I tried not to stare.


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Even though Diane was no longer a cheerleader, she still

walked with an extra bounce in her step and enthusiastically

greeted everybody in her path. She was chatting to the guynext to her, and despite the foot difference in height, they

couldve been siblings: both with blond hair (hers long and

wavy, his shaggy) and light blue eyes. The big difference was

that his skin was about ten shades tanner than Dianes alabas-

ter complexion.

Penny! Diane sang out to me. I want you to meet BruceBryson. She turned toward him. Bruce, this is my oldest

friend, Penny Lane.

His expression lit up. Like the Beatles song? I nodded;

this was always the question when my full name was used.

Bottler!

Ah, thanks?Sorry, that means that I think thats really awesome. He

spoke quickly, trying to explain himself. I sometimes like the

old Aussie slang.

Thats cool or I guess I should say bottler. Its great to

meet you. Welcome to Parkview, Illinois. I cant imagine youre

thrilled about the weather we have for you. I noticed he waswearing about three layers of clothing.

Yeah, I had a cozzie er, swimsuit on at Christmas. He

smiled to reveal a set of dimples.

I tried very hard not to imagine him in that cozzie.

Diane turned toward Ryan. And this is Ryan, also one

of my closest friends, and Pennys boyfriend. It still felt


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weird to hear Diane call Ryan my boyfriend, since hed

been her boyfriend for four years. She kept insisting that it

wasnt uncomfortable for her, but I couldnt help thinkingit had to be.

Nice to meet you, said Ryan, offering a hand to shake.

Bruce shook back universal guy behavior.

We chatted with Bruce for a while and got all the basics.

He was from Bondi Beach outside of Sydney, had never been

to the US before, was a surfer (which didnt surprise me in theleast), and after a semester with us, he was going to meet his

family in New York City and then spend the rest of the sum-

mer traveling the US.

Diane gently took his schedule out of his hands and started

to look it over. Okay, youve got Spanish with Penny, World

History with Penny and Ryan, and Chemistry with me. Shecontinued to scan through as Tracy approached us.

Hey, Pen, I forgot to ask you

Diane interrupted. Tracy! Im so glad youre here. I wanted

you to meet the new exchange student from Australia, Bruce.

Youve got English with him this afternoon.

Tracy looked over at Bruce. Gday! she said in an exag-gerated accent.

He laughed. Gday to you, Tracy! He scratched his head,

causing his messy hair to stick up on one side.

Welcome to Up Over, I guess. She gave him a quick smile

before turning her attention back to me. Anyways, Pen, I

completely forgot to ask you about our Trig homework.


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It was a little inconceivable. Tracy was standing next to a

guy who was not only totally her type but who had her full

attention. And she was brushing him off.The Club had worked its magic on all of its members, espe-

cially Tracy. Six months ago, Tracy wouldve put Bruce at the

top of her annual list of potential boyfriends, only to end

up crossing him off for one petty reason or another. That list

had brought her nothing but heartbreak, and now her focus

was on her friends and being happy without a guy. Which wasgreat, but still . . .

I wasnt the only one who noticed Bruce staring at Tracy as

she looked over my notes. Diane raised her eyebrows at me,

and I stifled a laugh. Tracy wouldve killed us if shed known

what we were thinking.

Once Diane realized that Tracys attention wasnt going tocome back to her guest, she moved on. Well, Id better get

you to your first class, she told Bruce.

Bruce nodded. It was great meeting you all.

You, too see you en Espaol, I replied.

Bruce leaned closer to Tracy, who was now sitting on the

floor, quickly copying my notes before class. See you around,Tracy?

Yep. She didnt even look up. See you later, shrimp on

the barbie, dingo ate my baby, and all that.

Even though Tracy was just being Tracy, Bruce took her

jabs at Australian stereotypes as f lirting. He walked off with a

satisfied smile, pausing a few times to look back at her.


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Okay. Tracy closed her notebook and got up. Im as

ready as Ill ever be.

I said good-bye to Ryan, and Tracy and I started headingto Trig. So what do you think of Bruce? I asked.

He seems nice enough. She shrugged. Do you think

were going to have a pop quiz? Its only the second week back

from winter break thatd be too cruel, right?

Tracys quick dismissal of a cute boy was just more proof

of how much had changed in so little time.

There was never an agenda for The Lonely Hearts Club as we

sat together every day at lunch. It was solely time for us to

catch up. Sometimes we helped someone out if she had a prob-

lem (many times in the past, that had been me) or planned an

upcoming meeting. As the group of over twenty-five membersstarted to file into the cafeteria for lunch, we moved tables

over to make room for everybody: freshmen, sophomores,

juniors, and seniors.

We were all into our lunch and gossip of the day when an

unexpected visitor descended on our table.

Gday, ladies, Bruce greeted us. Would you mind if Ijoined you? While Bruce sounded relaxed, his hands were

tightly clenching his lunch tray. I couldnt really blame him

for his nerves. We were a little intimidating as a group.

Our table had been buzzing with voices and energy a sec-

ond before, but now had gone eerily silent. Wed never had


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anybody from the outside join our table. Even the boyfriends

didnt eat lunch with us. It wasnt an official rule, just how

it was.When no one answered, Bruce took a nervous step back.

While all eyes on the table were on me to make a decision, my

own eyes quickly swept the cafeteria. It was partly to see if

there was a better place for him to sit and also to see if any-

body else had noticed our predicament. There were a few

people studying the table. At the jocks-and-cheerleaders-onlytable, Ryans boorish best friend, Todd, was nudging their

friend Brian, pointing out Bruce. Todds cocky laughter sealed

Bruces fate.

Of course. I began to make room for him. Come sit

between me and Tracy.

Cheers, he said gratefully. I appreciate it. Hope Im notinterrupting anything.

The group continued its silent study of our guest, which in

turn made him self-conscious again. He hardly looked up as

he played with his sandwich.

So . . . I said, racking my brain for small talk. How was

your day so far?It was good. He took a bite but still refused to look up,

which was wise since all eyes were on him.

I gave a warning look to the group, and a few resumed their

conversations. Well, Ill take you to Spanish after lunch, and

then we have World History, so youre stuck with me for a bit.


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Sounds great. He looked to his other side. How was

your morning, Tracy?

She took a long sip of her soda. It was school. So do youmiss your pet koala back home?

I could see the back of his neck turning a light shade of

crimson. Um, no. Koalas are an endangered species. We have

them in sanctuaries for the most part.

Really? Her lips turned up into a smirk. Are you related

to any hobbits, then?Ah, those movies were filmed in New Zealand . . .

I jumped in. Shes only teasing. It was unclear whether

he genuinely didnt realize this, or if Tracy made him ner-

vous because he was smitten. I was really hoping for the latter.

It wasnt that I wanted Tracy to date, but it was about time

someone liked her. And if that someone was the hot foreignexchange student, even better.

Tracy went back to talking with Morgan. Luckily, Diane

was across from Bruce, so the three of us carried on a dis-

cussion about Australia, the US, and McKinley High, and

avoided the very large elephant in the room: the Club.

Later, as we gradually began to disperse, I headed back tomy locker to get my books. When I turned the corner, Ryan

was shaking his head at me.

What? I asked, although I already knew where this was

going.

So he twirled a piece of my hair around his finger I

see what it takes to get an invite to your lunch table: an accent.


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I swiped his hand away. What was I supposed to do? It

was so awkward.

He laughed. Oh, really?Thanks for inviting him to sit with you guys, I replied

dryly.

He folded his arms. So youd rather have him sit with

Todd?

He had a valid point.

Bruce was going to meet Todd in Spanish class, so I knew Ihad to tell him about the Club before he got some demented

version of the story from Todd Chesney.

Todd and I used to get along. He was your typical playful

jock who walked around like his only care in the world was

scoring on and off the court. He had dated practically every

girl in our class, and hed set his sights on me right as I formedthe Club. He did not take rejection well. As the Club took off,

he harbored a lot of resentment toward me, which ended up in

an altercation between us after what had been an otherwise

insanely fun karaoke night. While he had since apologized for

his drunken behavior, things hadnt been the same between us.

And I doubted they ever would.Bruce met up with me as I was walking toward class. Hey,

sorry about lunch, he said.

Theres no need to apologize. Which was the truth.

He looked around the hallway. I felt like I was intruding.

But I saw a big table of girls, and what guy wouldnt want to

sit there?


36/40

Yeah, so theres something you should know. I figured

now was the best time to tell him, but I never knew exactly

what to say. So there was this guy Id been in love with since I was a kidand he broke my heart. I decided to form The Lonely Hearts Club and stop

dating for the rest of my high school existence. Then others joined, a revolution

took over the school, egos were bruised, fights were had, and in the end we

decided that guys are okay to date as long as they arent jerks.

Maybe it was that simple?

I gave him the brief history, then said, Originally, we sortof swore off dating; you know, boys are stupid and all that.

He nodded. As a boy, I get it.

But then we rethought things a bit.

I figured, since you have a boyfriend.

Yes. I paused before we entered class. So we have some

rules. We hang out on Saturday nights, have meetings at lunch,and do a lot of events together, basic we are girls, hear us roartype

things. I silently cursed myself for speaking so flippantly

about the Club to him. We were much more than that. I

shouldnt have felt the need to downplay it.

Sounds cool, he said. Its for girls only, then?

Yeah, afraid so.He looked thoughtful. You know, girls arent the only

ones whove had their hearts broken.

I didnt have a response. I knew that was true, but I also

wasnt prepared to open up the Club further. Adding boys to

anything always brought on trouble.


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I motioned for him to enter the classroom. Before I even

had a chance to introduce him to our teacher, Todd came bar-

reling in.Well, well. His arrogant smirk instantly infuriated me.

Are you going to introduce me to your new member, Penny?

Whos the fellow lesbo?

Standard Todd. Anytime a girl joined the Club or turned

him down for a date, he automatically assumed that she was a

lesbian. Because why else would a girl not want to deal withhis crap? Further proof that he was a complete and total

moron.

Just ignore him, I said to Bruce.

But Bruce refused to let Todd get the better of him. Hey,

mate, Im Bruce the guy who managed to sit with loads of

amazing ladies at lunch today. See ya around. He walkedaway, leaving Todd without a proper comeback. Bruce went to

introduce himself to our teacher while I made my way to my

seat, which was unfortunately still next to Todd. The alpha-

betical system could be as much a curse as a blessing.

Todd sat down and turned his back to me, which was what

we did now. Still, he made no effort to keep his voice downwhen he said to another jock, I guess British dudes would

rather hang out with lesbians than real men. Loser.

Todd never inconvenienced himself with facts.

I knew that Ryan and Todd had been friends since theyd

played in Little League. We were from a small town, and


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you kind of become friends with whoever was on your team

or on your block. Still, listening to the crap spewing from

Todds mouth, I was thinking that maybe it was time forRyan to be given a reminder that, unlike family, you can

choose your friends.


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E L I ZABETH EULBERG is the author of The Lonely Hearts Club,

Prom & Prejudice, Take a Bow, Revenge of the Girl with the Great

Personality, and Better Off Friends. You can find her on the web at

www.elizabetheulberg.com


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SMARTand FUNNYnovels youll love from

ELIZABETH EULBERG

Documents

Two of Us: A Lonely Hearts Club short story by Elizabeth Eulberg