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8/8/2019 Two Layoffs, One Family - When a Household is Out of Work
1/6Page 1 Copyright 2009, TheLadders. All rights reserved. Page 1
What happens when two incomes
become no incomes? Coordination
and exibility are the keys, according
to couples who are working their way
through dual layoffs.
By Debra Donston-Miller
Two Layoffs, One Family:When a Household
Is Out of Work
AS A KEYSTONE of our coverage, the editorial teamhere at TheLadders reviews every piece of e-mail thatcomes into the companys customer-support department.
While our colleagues in customer support are tirelessly
identifying xes for job seekers specic needs, were look-
ing for the big stories: broader issues that lots of our read-
ers are facing and the creative ways that theyve found toaddress them.
This week, Debra Donston-Miller takes on a scenario we
read about time and again: two-income families that sud-
denly become no-income families when both partners nd
themselves unemployed. Its a scary prospect, and (like any
other challenge in a successful marriage) it requires a lot of
coordination and communication to navigate.
Indeed, reading about the Gosse and Hudgins families
reminded me of the importance of that for better or for
worse clause in many marriage vows. A layoff is scary;two simultaneous layoffs are even more alarming; but han-
dling the situation together can strengthen a marriage and
shorten the period of uncertainty.
Holding Hands Through Layoff SeasonBy Matthew Rothenberg, Editor-in-Chief, TheLadders.com
What did you think of this package? Got a story of your own to tell? Have ideas for future coverage? Please write Editor-in-Chief Matthew Rothenbergat [email protected].
Every Job Search Is a Family AffairPage 2
Should You Tell the Kids You LostYour Job? Page 5
Two-Income Layoffs Page 6
IN THIS PACKAGE:
See COUPLE Page 2
JOB SEARCH
PHOTO:Zaid Hamid
mailto:matthewr%40theladders.com?subject=Feedback%20from%20PDF%20Newslettermailto:matthewr%40theladders.com?subject=Feedback%20from%20PDF%20Newsletter8/8/2019 Two Layoffs, One Family - When a Household is Out of Work
2/6
Page 2
Two Layoffs, One Family: When a Household Is Out of WorkJOB SEARCH
FOURTEEN MILLION AMERICANSare now out of work, nearly onein every 10 American workers. Among
those is Charlie Gosse of McLean, Va.
In late 2007, Gosse was laid off from
his job as chief nancial ofcer at anearby private school and has been in
search of a job ever since.
Also among those 14 million is Laura
Gosse, who was laid off in January from
her job as vice president of an online
marketing company.
Laura and Charlie were once dual
wage-earners in a two-income family
that also includes two young daughters.
Now Laura and Charlie Gosse are tight-
ening their belts to make ends meet on
dwindling severances, savings and un-
employment benets while conducting
dual job searches for a no-income family.
Theyre not alone.
More than 151,000 two-income fami-
lies became no-income families in 2008,
the latest year for which statistics were
available, raising the total to 663,000,
according to the Bureau of Labor Sta-
tistics. That number was up 29 percent
from 512,000 in 2007.
For the Gosses and others facing two
layoffs and two job searches, the experi-
ence requires more than just a plan to
save money. A dual job search, said ex-
perts and families who have experienced
it, requires a different job-search strat-
egy. Any plan must support and coor-
dinate resume writing, interview sched-
uling and traveling. It must also take
into account potential decisions about
whether to relocate or accept an offer
that could change life for every member
of the family.
Adding structure and support
For the Gosses, it was mainly a matter
of nding ways to support each other
search and accommodate two schedules.
When Charlie Gosse was laid off in
late 2007, the family immediately went
into cost-cutting mode. Lauras salary
covered expenses, but she and Charlie
didnt know how long he would be out
of work and so they went into complete savings mode.
The couple cut back on lots of differ
ent things. They eliminated dinners out
and vacations, and they let their live
in au pair go since Charlie was home
and could care for the children while
Laura worked.
When Laura was laid off in January
they took belt-tightening to a new level.
We both received severance of differ
ent, varying lengths, and (by that point)
wed been frugal for a year, she said
So, it was just like, OK, lets tighten the
belt a little more.
The bigger challenge was managing
what was now two ongoing job searches
WHEN LAURA AND CHARLEY GOSSE FOUND THEMSELVESboth out of work, their biggest concern was for their two youngdaughters.
The Gosses developed strategies for dealing with the mechanics of atwo-person job hunt but wanted to make sure that they were carefulto explain to their daughters what was happening without causing them
anxiety.One of the hardest things was to tell them what happened and to
explain to them the reasons why were not doing anything, Laura Gossesaid. For example, theres a special place we go every summer ... and itsnot something we feel comfortable doing right now. Were trying to putit into words that they understand but dont get scared about.
The issues multiplied for the Gosses, of McLean, Va., who are bothstruggling with unemployment. Nevertheless, even a single layoff and
Every Job Search Is a Family AffairWhen youre looking for employment, keep the kids in mind.
4COUPLE
PHOTO:Zaid Hamid
8/8/2019 Two Layoffs, One Family - When a Household is Out of Work
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Two Layoffs, One Family: When a Household Is Out of WorJOB SEARCH
We both started looking for full-time
work, Laura said. Charlie was stay-
ing home because of my situation, and
when that changed, we both
had to concentrate on look-
ing for jobs.
Laura said the parallel jobhunt got off to a bit of a
rocky start: We were both
doing our job hunting. (Our
younger daughter would
come home from pre-
school), and we didnt really
have any structure. We felt
bad that we were both try-
ing to gure out our way and she was
just kind of playing by herself.
Realizing that more structure was keyto managing two job searches and a fam-
ily, Laura and her husband worked out a
schedule where each worked at the job
hunt every other day while the other
held down the home front.
Thats the model of what we would
want people to do, said Donna Spell-
man, the director of Self Sufciency
Services at Family Centers of Green-
wich, Conn., a human-services agency
that, among many other things, provides
career and family counsel-
ing.
If one person is staying
behind with the kids, focus-ing on keeping things mov-
ing along smoothly, that
person is creating space for
the other person to do their
thing, Spellman said. And
perhaps tomorrow or the
next day, they switch. But
it means that everybodys
truly doing their part. Theyre not scram-
bling, and theyre not saying, I thought
you were going to stay home! Its not
about that.
Flexibility and part-time work
While Laura and Charlie found that
structure was key, they also learned that
they had to remain exible.
Their exibility was put to the test re-
cently when Laura obtained a part-time
job that took her away from home three
days a week. Now, the days that I am
home, I give [Charlie] those days to do
what he needs to do so we can keep
moving forward, she said.
Laura added that she and Charlie
switch off when necessary for example, when an interview or meeting
comes up.
Family Centers Spellman said it is criti
cal that both job-hunting partners dem
onstrate this kind of exibility.
It will happen that somebodys going
to get a call thats going to be very spur
of the moment Ive got an interview
and Ive gotta go, Spellman said. The
partners have to be exible as muchas possible.
Laura and Charlie have been work
ing together so that each of their job
hunting strategies, resources and skills
can be leveraged by the other. For ex
ample, Laura showed Charlie how to use
the LinkedIn network, and the couple
job search involves the entire family,said Donna Spellman, the director ofSelf Sufciency Services at FamilyCenters of Greenwich, Conn. She ad-vises clients to engage children at anappropriate developmental level.
I think that parents have to be verycareful not to make it a burden for thechildren having the child under-stand and be engaged at whatever agelevel is appropriate.
That said, families can work to-gether to share not only in the effortneeded to get through lean times butalso in future successes.
No two families are the same,Spellman said, but what we haveseen a lot of our families do is takethis very temporary (situation) and in-volve the kids. Let them see it as an
adventure that everyone in the fam-ily is going to get through. (Say tothem,) Right now were going to dosome special things together as a fam-ily; were going to save some money were all going to help. To put apositive spin on it keeps it so thatwhen the success does come, its ev-erybodys success.
Spread the workload
Katy Piotrowski, a career coun-
selor at the Career Solutions Groupand author of The Career CowardsGuides, said family members shouldbe enlisted to aid in the job search.
If your job search is truly a pri-ority, reect that in your behavior,Piotrowski said. Delegate chores toother family members so that youhave the time to invest in your next
career step. Remember, your advance-
ment will benet them also.
Laura said she and her husbandhave also approached their situation
as an opportunity to teach their chil-
dren money sense. For example, a
desired trip to McDonalds becamea lesson in the value of a dollar and
spending money where it makes the
most sense.
We just do a lot more things (now)that we probably wouldnt do other-wise, Laura said. There are blessings
in all of these things, she said. We
play games at home, we did a kitchen
garden, and were growing vegetables.I like to think weve always been in-stilling values in them, but even more
so now.
See COUPLE Page 4
Spellman
8/8/2019 Two Layoffs, One Family - When a Household is Out of Work
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Two Layoffs, One Family: When a Household Is Out of WorkJOB SEARCH
reviews each others resume and cover letter before sending
them out.
The Hudgins family
Another no-income family, Lavoyed and
Cheryl Hudgins, are also sharing the load.
Lavoyed was a special assistant to for-
mer Kentucky Gov. Ernie Fletcher, man-
aging 800-plus employees and a budget
of $130 million. Cheryl was an executive
assistant for Fletcher, and before that she
worked for another former governor and
an Army general.
After Gov. Fletcher lost his run for
re-election in November 2007, the
new governor dismissed Lavoyed and
Cheryl, along with other members ofFletchers staff.
Lavoyed said Cheryl and he werent ter-
ribly worried at the time they were let go,
as Cheryl found a good job with benets shortly thereafter.
However, that job happened to be in the automotive industry,
and Cheryl was laid off about two months ago.
Lavoyed, who said he and Cheryl have extended their job
search and will consider relocating, stressed the importance of
mutual support in a two-person job search.
Were extremely fortunate in that we have a wonderful, solid,
strong relationship, he said. As a matter of fact, when she
was laid off, I think it actually helped me because it helped
me stop focusing just on myself. I had to be strong for her at
that point.
That kind of mutual support has bolstered the dual job-
hunting Gosse couple, as well.
Theres a lot of stress when one parent is out of a job; when
two parents are out of a job, clearly that puts a lot of dif-
ferent stresses on the whole thing, Laura Gosse said. But
it has not been as stressful just in terms of working out the
mechanics with my husband. Were compatible, and we work
well with each other. Both of us have been accommodating
with each other.
Lavoyed said he and Cheryl, who have three grown children
between them, enjoy their time together but also recognize the
need for time apart.
Being together 24/7 has not been an issue for us, Lavoyed
said. But we do realize that there are times when we need a
few hours apart. No matter how much you love each other
you need a little break once in a while. So, we try to consciously
employ that tactic.
Double the stress
In todays economy, the job search can
be prolonged, a fact that is all too famil
iar to both the Gosse and Hudgins families
When not one but both members of a cou
ple are conducting such a search, motiva
tion and enthusiasm can be tough to come
by as anxiety sets in further.
Spellman and other experts interviewed
by TheLadders stress the importance of re
membering that the situation is temporary.
For most people, it was just bad tim
ing, bad luck, Spellman said. It hap
pens. Theres never a good time, but it
is temporary.
The mind has to change the concept of, Its going to take
me a while to nd a job, said Kevin Skinner, who has a Ph.D
in marriage and family therapy and is an author and radio
show host. Its not a matter of if, but a matter of when I get
that new job.
Family Centers Spellman said she understands that it canbe difcult to maintain a positive attitude under such difcult
circumstances, but that such positivity could be the difference
between landing a job and not landing it.
Attitude is three-quarters of it,
Spellman said. Its not just, Do
you have the hard skills?; its Do
you click on an attitude level or on a
personality level? And so a healthy
attitude and a positive, upbeat per-
sonality are going to really carry
an enormous amount of weight
and thats going to be both at home
and in the workplace.
Its only temporary
Yet when both members of a couple
are out of work, there may be no nancial fallback. Even cou
See COUPLE Page 6
Theres a lot ofstress when oneparent is out ofa job; when twoparents are out ofa job, clearly thatputs a lot of differ-ent stresses on thewhole thing.
Laura Gosse
Skinner
4COUPLE
8/8/2019 Two Layoffs, One Family - When a Household is Out of Work
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Two Layoffs, One Family: When a Household Is Out of WorJOB SEARCH
SOME PEOPLE TELL ME THEY FIND IT VERYdifculteven to nd the words to tell their children that theyve losttheir job. Does a 10-year-old child even know what the wordred or reduction in force means? And how much do
teenagers even really understand? Can you just blame the Rword: recession?
Lets face it, adults barely know what the word recession
means, so for your children of any age, they just know that dad
or mom is now home all day, not working.
I grew up in Armonk, N.Y. IBMs world headquarters. Itwas the Microsoft town of the 1970s, and
it was a different era for job security.
In Armonk, almost everyones father
worked for IBM. My friends whose dads
(and in those days, it was only the dads)
worked at the global headquarters in
our town had already worked for IBM
around the world. The kids always told me
that IBM stood for Ive Been Moved.
If you ended up at the world headquar-
ters, you had a job for life. It was like the
Stepford Husbands: All the fathers wore
a white shirt, similar ties and blue suits.
Back then, it seemed that no one ever lost
his job.
I have to confess: Ive never been red myself, much less had
to explain it to my family. But todays economy has affected so
many of my friends. Frankly, today, its the global reality.
But that doesnt make it any easier, especially when youre
thinking about what to tell the kids.
Its especially difcult if this is the rst time you have lost
your job.
Explaining it to your kids can be an emotional dilemma.
When it comes down to it, whatever the reason, youve lost
your job. Downsized, right-sized, let go, position elimi-
nated Even if you got a great severance package, youre
still out of work. And none of this vocabulary helps explain
it to your kids. They hear you networking on the phone and
see you spending a lot of time on the computer, but none of
it makes sense.
Dad lost his job. What does that mean? Did he misplace it?
Laid-off moms and dads tell me that sharing the news with
their children is one of the hardest things theyve ever done
There are many ways to do it, if you choose to do it at all.
The just tell the family straight out approach
A common approach is the just tell the family straight out
philosophy. Mom and dad sit down and tell the children together. From the parents I have heard this
from, it sounds almost like theyre sitting
their children down to tell them they are
getting divorced. For some of my friends
announcing a divorce would have been
easier.
The just tell the truth family usually
includes a laid-off worker who got a grea
severance and can keep the benets pack
age for a while. (Note: You may think thebuyout package is great now, but wait un
til you see how long it takes you to nd
a new job.) These parents just explain it
The kids are ve, 10, 17. Everyone
gets the story.
Of course, there can be a downside. What do you think you
kids are thinking? Do they tell their friends? Your relatives?
(Ugh! The relatives! You almost forgot about them, right?)
What do you tell the relatives? Wow, getting red for anyone
just really sucks.
The dont worry the kids approach
Then I have other friends who really dont want their chil
dren to know. In some cases, its a pride thing. In others
because mom may have already lost more than one job, its a
I dont want the kids to worry thing. These laid-off parents
actually get up in the morning, get dressed for work and drive
around maybe stop at the mall or the gym until the kids
Should You Tell the Kids You Lost Your Job?The global reality of layoffs doesnt make it any easier to tell your children. Here are a few approaches to ease thestrain on your family.
By Stephen Viscusi
Laid-off momsand dads tell methat sharing thenews with theirchildren is one ofthe hardest things
theyve ever done.
See KIDS Page 6
8/8/2019 Two Layoffs, One Family - When a Household is Out of Work
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Two Layoffs, One Family: When a Household Is Out of WorkJOB SEARCH
ples with healthy savings and severance cant help but wonder
and worry about making ends meet.
When those ends arent quite coming together, its impor-
tant to put aside feelings of guilt and blame, Spellman said.
Remember that you didnt ask for this situation and that its
only temporary.
You have to put your pride aside and be OK with it, she
said. The guilt, the blame those are just wasted emo-tions. Its too consuming, and its really not about that.
Spellman said the United Way, public libraries and region-
al Departments of Labor are great sources of information
about available services.
This is not forever, she said. When the tables turn, you
can be the one to help support somebody else.
Laura and Charlie Gosse are working together to make it
through this rough spot as they look ahead to their familys
future.
I remain hopeful, Laura said, and he does, too.
Your Job Search and Your Family: Strikinga Balance
Job-Search Tips: Balancing the Job Searchand Life
When Life Happens
Around the Web: Coping with Job Loss
Career Advice from TheLadders
4KIDS
leave for school. Then its back home to start looking for work.
This plan often goes awry when prospective employers call the
house and leave messages your kids end up hearing. And how
can you network if youre so busy lying to your kids? This not
telling the kids thing has got to be one stressful charade.
The tell them whats possible while youre stillemployed approach
So, how do you tell your kids youre unemployed? Or do you
keep it to yourself? Do you wait and see how long it takes to
nd a new job? I would love to hear from you even if youre
still working how have you or would you tell your kids the
bad news?
Here is my advice. Everyone should be on orange alert. Be
cautious, prepared and ready. Have your resume up-to-date, no
matter how secure you feel.
Usually the rst thing our friends and family tell us when
they are red is that they were surprised. Surprised? Half of
the U.S. is unemployed, but everyones always shocked when i
happens to them. Explain to your children now the state of the
economy. Tell them that mom and dad are lucky to be work
ing, but you never know. Teach them not to judge their friends
parents who may have lost their jobs. Reassure them that it wil
be okay, because eventually you will nd a new job.
Teach your children that the most important things in life are
health, family and being together. Mom or dad can always nd
another job, but having one another is what really matters.
Stephen Viscusi is the author of Bulletproof Your Job
(HarperCollins) and can be reached at [email protected]. He is also
the founder and CEO of BulletproofYourResume.com, a Web site tha
creates custom resumes.
4COUPLE
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