February is #1 of the 12 best months for loving,

living and laughing. Take a seat…

Clean yourself up… Enjoy!!!

Reminding “Seasoned Citizens” to continue to laugh, learn and love their lives…

CAN YOU SOLVE THE CASE? The owner of a magnificent 1956 Chevrolet convertible, wrote to say he had restored the car to perfection over the last few years, and sent this: On a very warm summer afternoon, he decided to take his car to town. It needed gas, as the gauge was practically on empty, but he wanted ice cream, so he headed first to his favorite ice cream shop. He had trouble finding a parking space and had to park the car down a side street. He noticed a group of young guys standing around smoking cigarettes and eyeing the car rather covetously. He was a bit uneasy leaving it there, but people often take interest in such an old and well-preserved car, so he went off to enjoy his ice cream. The line at the ice cream shop was long and it took him quite a while to return to his car. When he did, his worst fears were realized. His car was gone. He called the police and re-ported the theft. About ten minutes later the police called him to say they had found the car abandoned near a gas station a few miles out of town. It was unharmed and he was relieved. It seems just before he called, the police had received a call from a young woman who was an employee at a self-service gas station. She told them that three young men had driven in with this beautiful old convertible. One of them came to the window and prepaid for 20 dollars worth of gas. Then all three of them walked around the car. Then they all got in the car and drove off, without filling the tank.

The question is, why would anybody steal a car, pay for gas that they never pumped, and then abandon the car later and walk away?

NO PEEKING! IF YOU GIVE UP - Next Page

SENIOR PARACHUTE CLUB

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. "Like sitting around the pool, drinking wine isn't a good thing?" I asked. Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested, I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas. So, I did and when I got home, decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an e-mail saying I had joined the Senior Parachute Club. She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 71-years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her. Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses? This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." "Oh man, I'm in trouble," I said, "I signed up for five jumps a week!" The line went dead. ~ Unknown (Out on a jump…) ~ Thanks Betty H/IN

They couldn't find where to put the gas! ~ Unknown (Never knew…) ~Thanks Joyce S/CT

Why would anybody steal a car, pay for gas that they never pumped, and then abandon the car later and walk away?

GO FIGURE!!! I am 70+ years old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!! I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out... where's the beef... how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps... Who burnt down Shelia’s She Shed... Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails... why "abbreviated" is such a long word; or why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's on-ly a "penny for your thoughts"… where's that extra penny going to? Why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what is Victoria's secret? And do you really think I am this witty? I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's uncle's cousin's baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man!!! Now it is your turn to take it from me... Peace!!! ~ Unknown (… or unanswered) ~ Thanks Joyce S/CT

A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them. The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you bur-ied all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" To which the man replied, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politi-cians lie." ~ Unknown (No lie…)

EVE’S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. “So, how is everything going?” inquired God. “It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.”

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically bal-anced.”

“That's a fair point,” God replied, “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.”

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes. Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied, “but for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off… the ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see... where did I put that useless boob?”

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib story?

Send to men with a sense of humor & women who figure this makes sense. ~ Jokester Unknown (… a boob?) ~ Thanks Jackie E/MD

AN AFTERNOON IN THE PARK There once was a little boy who wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of root beer, and he started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old woman. She was sitting in the park just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry, so he offered her a Twinkie. She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. Her smile was so pret-ty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered her a root beer. Once again, she smiled at him. The boy was delight-ed! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave. But before he had gone more than a few steps; he turned around, ran back to the old woman, and gave her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." And before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked, "Mother, what did you do today that made you so happy?" She replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." And before her son responded, she added, "You know, He's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the small-est act of caring. All of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.... Have you met God today? ~ Unknown

You are a blessing to someone! Don't forget to be a blessing to yourself.

A young man who had been raised as an atheist was training to be an Olympic diver. The only religious influence in his life came from his outspoken Christian friend. The young diver never really paid much attention to his friend's sermons, but he heard them often. One night the diver went to the indoor pool at the college he attended. The lights were all off, but as the pool had big skylights and the moon was bright, there was plenty of light to practice by. The young man climbed up to the highest diving board and as he turned his back to the pool on the edge of the board and extended his arms out, he saw his shadow on the wall. The shadow of his body was in the shape of a cross. Instead of diving, he knelt down and finally asked God to come into his life. As the young man stood, a maintenance man walked in and turned the lights on. The pool had been drained for repairs. ~ Author unknown

Are you aware of the light in your life… or the light you bring to others? ~ Sporty King

TH

ER

E S

ITS

YO

UR

RO

SE

No

t with

ered, b

ut seaso

ned

like th

e mem

ory

that g

uard

s it

An

d w

hat m

ight seem

old

to o

thers is o

bvio

us to

me

Th

at the flav

or o

f the leav

es pro

claim m

aturity

...

So

my w

ait is wo

rthw

hile, rath

er than

leng

thy

A

nd

my v

ision

of y

ou

is refreshed

b

y th

e circle that p

oin

ts us eq

ually

apart

wh

ile willin

g to

see ou

r conn

ection

as th

e sho

rtest distan

ce betw

een tw

o d

reams.

Sporty

Kin

g, C

HP

, AC

S/C

L h

as com

bin

ed h

is collectio

n o

f more

than

a quarter cen

tury

of o

rigin

al poetry

… h

is successfu

l 18

-year

climb o

f the co

rporate lad

der…

and life ex

perien

ces to en

tertain,

educate an

d em

pow

er audien

ces (and co

wo

rkers) sin

ce 1975.

An ex

pert o

n p

ersonal su

ccess, the im

pact o

f word

s in o

ur liv

es, an

d tu

rnin

g an

y n

egativ

e into

a positiv

e, Sporty

is the au

thor o

f:

I Fou

nd O

ut I’m

Dyin

g: A

Celeb

ratio

n o

f Life

D

o Y

ou

Have A

ny Id

ea…

How

Fin

e You

Are?

S

tartin

gT

oday…

Y

ou

r Nam

e Cam

e To M

ind

M

orn

ing... N

oon

... & N

igh

t... a p

oet in

every PrO

ph

ET

S

TU

FF

Happen

s A

C-F

irmatio

ns

T

he g

row

ing list o

f insp

irational p

roducts

by S

porty

Kin

g in

cludes b

ooks, g

reeting card

s, posters, C

Ds, D

VD

s and ap

parel…

He is an

expert at u

sing h

um

or to

help

you sta

y P

ow

erful &

Positiv

e w

hen

Positiv

e doesn

’t seem lik

e an o

Ptio

n

F

or sp

eakin

g, b

ook sig

nin

g o

r pro

duct sales in

form

ation:

S

porty

Kin

g, C

HP

, AC

S, C

L, M

L

The M

aster o

f Listen

ing

T

he T

op

Lin

e… L

LC

w

ww

.spo

rtyk

ing

.com

S

K@

spo

rtyk

ing

.com

CH

OC

OL

AT

E S

NO

WF

LA

KE

S

Th

e reign

of y

ou

r sweetn

ess covers m

y w

orld

S

um

mer, F

all, Win

ter and

Sp

ring

.

My w

armest v

isions are o

f yo

u

Wh

enev

er I hear caro

lers sing

.

As y

ou

stick to

and

melt u

pon

the p

allet of m

y m

ind

Y

ou

deco

rate my sp

irit with

yo

ur lig

ht.

I crav

e to th

aw o

ut in

yo

ur arm

s S

nugg

led u

p b

y th

e fireplace at n

ight.

Hap

py

Vale

ntin

e’s Life

Do y

ou r

eali

ze t

hat

neg

ati

ve p

eople

don't w

ant

to b

e aro

und p

osi

tive

peo

ple

? S

om

etim

es w

e lo

ok

at

it f

rom

the

oth

er e

nd o

f th

e dea

l, b

ut

thin

k about

how

your

smil

e ju

st g

ets

on a

neg

ati

ve p

erso

n's

ner

ves.

.. l

ike

thei

r fr

ow

n c

an g

et o

n y

ours

. S

tay

posi

tive

to k

eep

the

neg

ati

ve p

eople

aw

ay.

This

poem

is

about

Rosa

Park

s, w

ho k

new

not

to l

iste

n t

o n

ega-

tive

peo

ple

.

Ho

ly

Ro

sa

Did

n't

we

men

tion t

hat

the

bus

was

only

the

beg

innin

g?

For

this

mov

emen

t m

ean

t m

uch

more

than

a r

ide.

T

he

stre

ngth

in t

his

wom

an w

as h

er o

bed

ien

ce...

Yet

her

spir

it w

as m

oti

vat

ed b

y h

er p

ride.

Pri

de

mad

e a

com

men

t to

Wis

dom

A

sked

it

how

nec

essa

ry i

t w

as

to l

ay

low

?

Wis

dom

was

no f

ool,

it

said

I'll

go w

ith y

ou...

Just

pro

mis

e m

e th

at

you'll

take

it

slow

.

So t

hey

work

ed t

hei

r w

ay t

o t

he

front

of

the

bus

(thes

e tw

o…

Pri

de

& W

isdom

) T

hey

mad

e no p

ause

, as

oth

ers

wat

ched

and w

arn

ed.

And a

s th

ey s

ank i

nto

that

sea

t th

at m

om

ent

bec

ame

ever

last

ing

F

or

nev

er h

ad a

uth

ori

ty b

een s

o s

corn

ed.

F

itti

ng t

hat

her

nam

e w

as R

osa

F

or

she

rose

abov

e th

e pai

n t

hat

hel

d s

o m

any b

ack.

The

pai

n t

hat

says

slav

ery i

s m

enta

l A

nd i

t's f

avo

rite

colo

r n

ever

has

bee

n b

lack

.

Sla

ver

y's

fav

ori

te c

olo

r h

as a

lways

bee

n i

gnora

nce

...

Igno

rance

(so

meh

ow

) co

nti

nues

to e

rase

love.

A

s yo

u t

ake

your

rid

e in

this

lif

etim

e (b

e sm

art)

M

ake

sure

the

dri

ver

of

your

bus

is u

p a

bove.

HIS

to

ry

Is O

UR

sto

ry

For

som

e, B

lack

His

tory

is

a dai

ly o

ccurr

ence

F

or

stil

l oth

ers,

a d

aily

ex

per

ience

. It

's i

n h

eart

s an

d s

mil

es t

hat

rem

ind u

s T

hat

lif

e to

day i

s om

nip

ote

nt.

Bla

ck H

isto

ry i

s a

cele

bra

tion o

f A

mer

ica

Thro

ugh i

ts A

fric

an d

esce

nt

It a

ligns

us

wit

h G

od

's v

isio

n

Of

the

mel

ting p

ot

he'

s se

nt.

. . .

See

, it

's a

par

t of

a big

ger

pic

ture

F

ar b

eyond o

ne

month

a y

ear

For

even

that

month

is

a sh

ort

one

Whil

e our

her

itag

e sp

eak

s bold

ly o

f ca

re.

We

care

d a

bout

one

anoth

er,

gro

uped

and i

n c

hai

ns,

E

xpan

ded

our

langu

age

to s

urv

ive.

P

lott

ed a

nd

coax

ed, dem

anded

and f

ou

ght

bac

k

Lik

e ea

ch h

yph

enat

ed A

mer

ican

, w

e've

mad

e big

str

ides

. . .

W

e've

bee

n n

urs

es a

nd n

annie

s,

Far

mer

s an

d c

attl

e, a

thle

tes,

inv

ento

rs, m

usi

cian

s.

Stu

den

ts a

nd t

each

ers,

Pri

vat

es a

nd G

ener

als,

A

nd, fi

nal

ly, k

ey p

oli

tici

ans.

We'

ve

lost

and w

e've

wo

n

Bee

n k

no

wn f

or

hav

ing f

un

O

ur

acti

ons

hav

e al

ways

outs

poken

our

word

s.

We'

ve

impro

vis

ed a

nd "

mad

e do"

Tap

dan

ced a

nd d

one

a so

ft s

hoe

Our

pri

de

has

bee

n o

ur

stre

ngth

, hav

en't

you h

eard

?

So c

ount

me

in y

our

tom

orr

ow

A

cknow

led

ge

my y

este

rday

H

elp m

e ec

lipse

neg

ativ

e st

ereo

types

B

ecau

se I

'm h

ere

and I

'm h

ere

to s

tay.

Eac

h o

f us

is a

des

cend

ant

of

a su

rviv

or

We'

re a

par

t of

the

soil

, th

e ai

r an

d t

he

sea.

B

lack

His

tory

is

a ce

leb

rati

on o

f A

mer

ica

I'm

a p

art

of

you. . .

you

're

a par

t o

f m

e.