Toasmasters speech points.docx

7/27/2019 Toasmasters speech points.docx

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Body language is a form of mental and physical ability of humannon-

verbal communication, consisting ofbody posture,gestures,facial

expressions, andeye movements. Humans send and interpret such

signals almost entirely subconsciously. (Body language, in this sense,should be distinguished fromsign language.)

Power. It's that intangible thing that so many people strive

for. For some people, feeling a sense of control -- over

themselves, others, situations or all of the above -- is a

natural thing. For others, it doesn't come as easy.

In herTEDTalk(above), social psychologist Amy Cuddy

shares an easy way that anyone can change not only others'

perceptions of them, but the way they feel about themselves --

spending two minutes "power posing" with their arms or

elbows out, their chin lifted and their posture expansive.

Cuddy's research, done in collaboration with Dana Carney,

has shown that adopting the body language associated with

dominance for just 120 seconds is enough to create a 20

percent increase in testosterone and a 25 percent decrease in

the stress hormone cortisol. In other words, adopting these

postures makes a person feel more powerful.

But for those who already project power and competence tothe world through their bodies, there is another, perhaps

harder challenge: communicating warmth.

In October, Cuddy sat down for aQ&A with the TED

Blogand made a truly fascinating point: that many leaders

focus so much on demonstrating power and competence that

they fail to communicate warmth and trustworthiness. And

as Cuddy explains, warmth may actually be a truer, deeper

source of power to begin with.

Says Cuddy, "You must understand the people you're trying to

influence or lead by building trust first before demonstrating

competence and power. You must be able to show them that

you understand them -- and, better yet, that you can relate to

them. By doing that, you're laying the groundwork for trust.

And it's only then that they can really hear you and be open to

your ideas. Trust is the conduit for influence; it's the medium

through which ideas travel. If they don't trust you, your ideas

are just dead in the water. If they trust you, they're open and
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they can hear what you're offering. Having the best idea is

worth nothing if people don't trust you.

You want to feel that you have the power to bring your full,

spirited self to the situation, stripped of the fears and

inhibitions that might typically hold you back.- Amy Cuddy

It's not uncommon for people to overvalue the importance of

demonstrating their competence and power, often at the

expense of demonstrating their warmth. I think it's especially

common for people striving for leadership positions -- in

politics, business, law, medicine... you name it. Too many

people try to be the smartest guy in the room -- the alpha --

and that's not actually how you become persuasive or become

a good leader. It's a mistake. People judge trustworthiness

before competence. They make inferences of trustworthiness

and warmth before competence and power. And the reason is

that it answers the question, "Is this person friend or foe?"

With a stranger, you first want to know what their intentions

are toward you, and then you want to know, "Can they carry

out those intentions?" You have to connect with people and

build trust before you can influence or lead them.

Women -- Hillary Clinton, for example -- have faced a kind of

treacherous double bind when it comes to being seen as bothcompetent AND warm. Women are much more likely than

men to be seen as high on one dimension and low on the other

(the sweet, incompetent, fragile, feminine woman vs. the

strong, cruel, inhuman, masculine woman who doesn't have a

heart). I do quite a bit of research on this phenomenon, and I

could talk for hours to this point. Women in the public eye are

really penalized for deviations from what society has

prescribed for them -- which is usually to be a warm, soft

caretaker -- and they have to work double-time to manage

that. It's pretty unfair.

But to come back to this point: People make the mistake of

over-weighing the importance of expressing strength and

competence, at the expense of expressing warmth and

trustworthiness. I know this may seem to contradict what I say

about power posing, but it absolutely doesn't. It's really

important to separate what you do before the interaction, from

what you do during the interaction. You want to feel powerful

going in -- but that does not equal dominant or alpha. Youwant to feel that you have the power to bring your full, spirited


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self to the situation, stripped of the fears and inhibitions that

might typically hold you back. I believe this allows you not just

to be stronger, but also to be more open and trusting. But

nonverbally displaying power during the interaction -- now

that's another thing with different prescriptions and outcomes.I'm definitely not an advocate, as I think I've made clear by

now, of going in and power posing in front of people in order

to intimidate them. Yes, use strong, open nonverbals: Don't

slouch or make yourself small, and be as big as you can

comfortably be. But don't use alpha cowboy moves, like sitting

with legs apart and your arm draped over the back of the chair

next to you. That can directly undermine the trust you need to

build.

So I think it's more interesting, especially when watching

leaders, to look for warmth and trustworthiness nonverbals.

Look for natural smiles, for body language that is inviting,

positive, and that signals interest in the other person or

people. Even a gentle touch -- one that's appropriate, of course

-- like when one candidate gently touches the other on the

shoulder. A nice, relatively recent example is watching Obama

when he sings the first little bit of the Al Green song "Let's Stay

Together." Not only does he have a surprisingly good voice,

but when I watch people watch him break into that big smile, I

watch them melt -- I watch them warm up as they're watchinghim. It's contagious and hard to avoid. Obama has become

pretty good nonverbally on both dimensions, although I think

his ability to convey warmth has gotten much better as he's

become more relaxed. You see more of those natural smiles.

He comes across as strong without seeming like an over-

aggressive alpha. And I think he knows when it's time to be

really powerful nonverbally, and when it's time to play it down

a little bit."

Ideas are not set in stone. When exposed to thoughtful people,they morph and adapt into their most potent form.

TEDWeekends will highlight some of today's most intriguing

ideas and allow them to develop in real time through your

voice! Tweet #TEDWeekends to share your perspective or

[email protected] learn about future

weekend's ideas to contribute as a writer.
mailto:tedweekends@huf%EF%AC%81ngtonpost.commailto:tedweekends@huf%EF%AC%81ngtonpost.commailto:tedweekends@huf%EF%AC%81ngtonpost.commailto:tedweekends@huf%EF%AC%81ngtonpost.com


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You make your first impression upon someone quickly -- within seven to 30 seconds of meeting

them. It's easier to make a good first impression than to correct a negative impression. A first

impression is primarily dependent upon your nonverbal signals. To make a favorable first

impression, you must use your body language to your advantage.

Apply these tips to make a favorable first impression.

1. Focus on the person. Make and maintain appropriate eye contact. People tend to believe

people who will look them in the eye. Don't stare them down, and don't use "rabbit eyes" that flit

about the room. Your attention is directed where you look. So the other person may conclude that

you are not paying attention to him or her if you're looking elsewhere.

2. Monitor your vocal quality. Watch your tonality and the words you emphasize. Make sure your

voice conveys confidence and credibility. Avoid hesitant speech patterns.

3. Match your words with your body language. If your words and body language send different

messages, people will usually believe your body language. Be aware of possible incongruities

and mismatches. Make sure your facial expressions match your words.

4. Pay attention to your posture. Think tall. Center your upper body over your hips. Tuck in your

stomach, and hold your shoulders back. Imagine that a string is pulling upward from the top of

your head. Stand evenly on both feet. And, did I mention, relax? And, avoid crossing your feet or

legs while you stand because others may see you as mousy.

5. Avoid commando postures. Avoid putting your hands on your hips or clasping your hands

behind your head. These postures may convey disapproval, superiority or arrogance to others.

6. Watch your movements. Walk briskly with an easy stride. Avoid fidgeting with your hands or

bringing your hands to your face. When moving, usually less is more. Excessive movements may

signal nervousness, jitteriness or flightiness. Confident people are slower and more controlled

with movements.

7. Smile. Smiling shows you enjoy being with others. Your smile must be sincere. Many people

think they are smiling when they are grimacing or sneering.

8. Relax. Take a few deep breaths before entering a room or meeting someone. People want to

be around others who are confident and relaxed.

9. Honor cultural differences. In some cultures, these rules will not apply. So the rule is to honor

the culture of the person with whom you are communicating. For example, in some Asian and

Native American cultures, eye contact is not as appropriate as in European cultures.


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Body language means communication with the movement or position of the human body, including gestures. It

can be conscious or unconscious. It's particularly important in sexual communication, and when people are in

bed together.

In 2010, psychological expert James Borg claimed that 93 per cent of human communication was by body

language and only 7 per cent was via words. Admittedly, not everyone agrees with this assessment.

Body language is something that is noticed by nearly everybody but is not always given enough attention. We

sometimes ignore it and try to hide behind words, but we should never forget that we cannot fool everyone.People who are in bad shape emotionally will often place great importance on other folk's body language. In fact,

they often pick up the smallest hint of a lapse in attention in the person they are speaking to. And they frequently

jump to the conclusion that they are boring or a nuisance thus compounding any sense ofdepressionor

poorself-esteem.

A way to learn the secrets of body language is to watch television with the sound turned off and try to interpret

what is being said -- simply from reading body language. You will experience that humans say a lot with their

mouth which is often contradicted by their body position, their gestures and other channels of communication.

Messages are often ambiguous.

But a notable feature of the early years of the 21st century is the fact that the body language of different nations is

gradually becoming more similar. Thus, a gesture made by someone in (say) South America can often be easily

interpreted by people in Russia or Japan. Much of this is due to the effects of TV, which of course shows the

same sort of 'soap operas' in all parts of the globe.However, there are exceptions. For instance, we have recently found that the well-known scuba divers' forefinger-

and-thumb 'OK' gesture, which is used in France and most of Europe to mean 'things are good', is deeply

offensive to people in Brazil! There, it is interpreted as a reference to the anus.

Similarly, British doctors have learned that it is NOT a good idea to offer a reassuring wink to Asian patients

many of whom see this as a sexual gesture.

Words and body languageIf a child is to believe the parents who say that it's healthy to go to bed early, that usually doesn't make much

sense unless the parents express it with both words and body language. Otherwise, the child may get the

impression that it is only good for the parents that the child is put to bed early.

It is important to remember that, although body language does give you an additional channel of communication,

which sometimes contradicts the spoken word, it should be interpreted with care. For one thing, body language

can be affected by particular habits of the speaker.Apart from individual differences, there are also as we've indicated above differences between geographical

regions, as well as between cultural groups. For example, in Greece, you nod your head for 'no', and shake your

head for 'yes'.

The human brain communicates to the body how it is to position itself. Body language is subconscious and is

intended to create a balance between inner feelings and outer appearance.

If we develop increased sensitivity to our own body language, our ability to read others' body language is

increased.

This makes it easier to tell whether a person you are talking to is happy, sad, sullen or irritated. Or whether he or

she is lying to you, or is impatient, or bored. You should also be able to register whether the person appears to

like you, agrees or disagrees with you, is aggressive to you, or is suspicious, angry or worried.

Observing hidden feelings

Increased attention to body language will allow you to observe hidden feelings, prejudices and sexual intentions;all through your eyes and the other senses we use to perceive the world around us.

Body language is the movements of arms and legs, body posture, the manner in which you sit, stand or lie, facial

expressions, gait, eye movements and regular gestures such as stroking your hair, touching your nose, etc.

Tilting your head signals that you are not dangerous. This is claimed by some people to be a consequence of

your mother tilting her head when she pitied you as a child. She showed you that she wasn't angry at you but

wanted to comfort you. Your mother also patted her hand or your head when she was comforting you. We

continue to do this even after we've grown up and don't have our mother there to do so anymore. We pat

ourselves on the cheek, on the arm, or rub our hands together.

Perhaps you hold your hands close to your face when you talk generally, this is a sign of insecurity. The same is

true if you roll a beard or moustache with your hands or fix your hair, perhaps pushing or curling it behind an ear.

Are you sitting comfortably?
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The way that people sit in chairs is not coincidental. If you are lounging with arms and legs dangling, it is probably

a sign that you are relaxed and feeling comfortable. If you are positioned on the edge of the chair with you legs

stretched before you and your feet crossed it can signal indifference.

Example: in a country where rules of behaviour in court were very strict, a witness in a trial sat as described

above, with his huge boots lumped on top of each other, wearing a big coat and with his arms crossed. The judge

said: 'Sit up straight and take your coat off, or I'll hold you in contempt.'

The man got his posture straightened out in no time when he realised that he risked being fined.Someone going to the dentist or waiting for a job interview might be seated on the edge of the chair with his or her

feet together. If it's a woman she'll probably be hugging her handbag or clutching a hanky. Body tension spreads

to the respiratory system, forcing your breathing and making you sound short of breath. When you are in such a

position it is easy to lose your head and simply run away if things take a turn for the worse.

ExamplesDuring a biographical television show ('This is Your Life'), Danish entertainer Erik Clausen was the guest. He is a

very experienced performer and doesn't easily lose his temper.

When the host played a taped interview with Mr Clausen's mother during which she said that as a child he had

always cried if he lost Monopoly games, he did lose some of his cool.

During the rest of the show, his ears glowed like traffic lights.

Another example: we counselled a couple whose marriage was in trouble. The wife claimed to be passionately

interested in sex with her husband. But he complained that during intercourse, she always gazed over hisshoulder at something. It eventually transpired that she couldn't help looking at the bedroom curtains, which she

was planning to change after the divorce.

On television it's interesting to watch contestants in quiz shows like 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire'. You can

detect their understandable tension from the way they hold their hands till their knuckles turn white and also from

observing their quickened breathing.

We do not believe that you can teach people to control their body language completely; they will lose control at

some point or other - when they become too eager or too angry.

Take a discussion between politicians, for example. The control is there, even when they get angry but there will

often be a small muscle by the mouth that is quivering or a vein that's pulsating and turning red. Cheeks turn red

in women who are angry or embarrassed while men's ears often turn red under similar circumstances.

Misunderstanding body languageWhen you try to interpret body language, you must interpret in relation to what is being said with words; otherwise

misunderstandings can easily arise. It must be judged as a whole.

Several elements must be in accordance if you are to draw any firm conclusions about a person. He or she might

be insecure for example.

In order to reach your conclusion you must also pay attention to facial expression, the mouth's position, eye

movements and pupil dilation and retraction.

Research has shown that the speaker's face is the most reliable source of information about the mood of a

person.

It is through visual experiences that happiness, surprise, anger or contempt is communicated while auditory

experiences communicate fear. In order to ascertain the mood of the speaker you must observe facial muscles..

How they are tightened and loosened.

How the lines around the mouth are softened. How the wrinkles around the eyes can make them shine with happiness when that is the feeling the face has to

express.

The same features express anger and contempt, while softer features are taken to express kindness and

friendliness but note: only if the feelings also extend to the eyes. A mouth that smiles without the eyes smiling

as well sends signals of falseness and unreliability.

Eyebrows that rise up and down rapidly signal acceptance of social contact. If you raise your eyebrows and keep

them raised for a while it signals surprise and astonishment perhaps even indignation.

When the raised eyebrows are used along with a wink you are flirting. This can cause problems. For example, in

Japan where it is considered very inappropriate, practically improper, to use eyebrow raising at all.

Tears and laughter are forms of expression that we think are fairly easy to interpret. However, tears are used to

express many different things sorrow, joy, and anger. Laughter can be a sign of happiness and friendliness, but

also of contempt and sarcasm. Sometimes we also laugh if we are scared, or if we experience something very

horrifying.


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Occasionally, people who work with other people in the welfare or health sectors can happen to laugh if they learn

of something particularly tragic maltreatment, violence, or death.

This is likely to be a response to protect their own sanity from the horror of many incidents they face in their work

and may also stop them from breaking down and crying.

To be able to read body language is very interesting, but it can be complicated, so watch out! Mistakes can easily

be made.

Finally, if you want to know more about body language, there are a number of good books on the subject

notably by the Australians Allan and Barbara Pease and also by Dr Desmond Morris.

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You are here:Home/365 startup tips/ Startup Tip 54: How a small change can make a big

difference to your confidence (and success)

STARTUP TIP 54: HOW A SMALL CHANGE CAN MAKE A BIGDIFFERENCE TO YOUR CONFIDENCE (AND SUCCESS)

BYSUSAN JONES

OCT292

10

inShare

Is your body language sabotaging your success? It could be.

This probably sounds really out there to choose to talk about body language in a startup

tip! I dont blame you if you are thinking Huh? What is she on about? But I wanted to

share this with you because I think its one of those little pieces of information that canmake a big difference to our lives.

Your body language affects how others see you

Its quite well known now that our body language affects how others see us. We havecome to see that we can make changes that will influence how others see usand increase our chances of success in whatever endeavour dating, business, a jobinterview, being accepted by a friendship group etc.
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Your body language also affects how you seeyourself

New research has shown that changingour body language also affects how we see ourselves and is directly related toconfidence. The video by Amy Cuddy below is really worth the 20 minutes it takes towatch it, but if you dont have the time right now, Ill summarise for you.

She explains that two hormones in our bodies are affected by our body language:testosterone related to power and dominance and cortisol related to stress. Open,outward postures that make ourselves bigger, such as expanding the chest, raising the

arms, broadening the shoulders etc increase the amount of testosterone in our bodiesmaking us feel more confident and reducing the level of the stress hormone cortisol.

The opposite happens when we adopt inward, more closed postures such as crossing

out arms, hunching our shoulders or curving our spine the level of cortisol increasesand testosterone decreases making us feel more fearful and less confident.
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So our posture is directly affecting what happens in our brain.

So what?

2 things:

Firstly, you can use a change in body language to change your mood when you need to.For instance, I was on my way to a meeting the other day. I was tired and the thought ofcurling up with a good book at home was quite tempting. But it was an important meetingand I knew I needed to be in the right state to get the most out of it. So as I was drivingthere in the car, I squared my shoulders and took some deep breaths to open up mychest. In the meeting I consciously sat up tall with my shoulders back and face on to theperson I was speaking with. I could sense that adopting some changes in my bodylanguage was helping me communicate the confidence I really do have rather thancommunicating that I was tired and didnt care that much.

The experience made me wonder if I had been doing myself justice in the past in the wayI used my body. Where I had let myself down by not adopting the body language Ineeded in a situation to communicate effectively?

Secondly, as we practise confident postures, we can actually train ourselves to be moreconfident.

How our Body Language can affect

our Success..Have you ever had a conversation with someone on a non verbal basis..?? Yes I said

non verbal.. If you have ever studied body language you will know that how we hold our

bodies and what we do with our bodies speaks loudly about who we really are

When someone is powerful we tend to notice this personwhen someone is not secure

within their lives we also see that they hold themselves differently.. Watch this TED talk

with Amy Cuddy.

Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social

psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how power posing standing in a posture of confidence, even

when we dont feel confident can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even

have an impact on our chances for success.

We are influenced by our own non verbals = it alters our feelings and our physiology. Non verbal

expressions of power and dominance. Opening up and making ourselves bigger, taking up more

space when we have power and when we feel power in the moment. When we feel powerless we do

the exact opposite. We close up, we wrap ourselves, we try to appear smaller we dont want to touch

the other person or get to much attention. When someone is powerful with us we do the exactopposite and make ourselves smaller.


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Do our non verbals govern how we think and feel aboutourselves.??

Some evidence says we do..When you feel powerful you are more likely to be powerful.

Do our bodies change our minds??The physiological things that make up our feelings and thoughts..

What do the minds of the powerful versus the minds of the powerless look like.??

Powerful people tend to be more assertive, confident, optimistic, feel that are

going to win at games of chance. they take more risks.

Cortisol Stress Hormones and Testosterone Dominance Hormones..

Powerful effective leaders have high testosterone and low cortisol

In other words the powerful react to stress on a different level than the powerless.

The body can shape the mind ..role changes can shape the mind. Students adapted high level poses

and low poses for two minutes in an experiment and saliva samples where taken. High power people

experienced a 20% increase in Testosterone levels and low power people experienced a 10%

decrease. so in two minutes these changes had taken place. High power people experienced 25%

decrease in Cortisol and low powered people had experienced a 15% increase . In just two minutes of

this role play quite significant changes where recorded. It seems non verbals expressions do govern

how we think and feel about ourselves..

Our Bodies Change our MindsCan Power Posing for a few minutes really change your life in meaningful ways?? Our minds change

our behaviour and our behaviour changes our outcomes. Can you Fake it Till You Make it ?? or do we

feel like we are impostors and we are not supposed to be here!!!! Do it enough till it becomes an

internal program. Configure your brain to cope the best it can when faced with a situation..i e. job

interview, dealing with clients whether online or off lineget your Testosterone up and your Cortisol

down. leave the situation like you got to say who you really are..

Fake it Till You become It.. tiny tweaks = BIG CHANGES

Try a Power Pose and share the science with everyone you meet..so that they can make significant

changes in their bodies and inturn significant changes to their lives


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Fears

The energy of desire is a powerful motivator and creative force. Yet we must state our desiresclearly with the rewards of success in mind.

One of my recent clients had spent six years in a job where he felt unappreciated. Although he hadthe skills and experience to take other work, he was having trouble leaving his current position.While expressing his frustration, he kept saying, "I can't stand this job!"

Desire and the energy it creates affect our intentions and actions. However, it is important todistinguish between desire motivation and fear motivation. We are either moving toward somethingwe want, or, as my client was, away from something we do not want.

Fear motivation aims to protect and focuses on avoiding penalties for failure. It leads to feelings ofinhibition (e.g., "I can't") or compulsion (e.g., "I have to."). Desire motivation seeks rewards forsuccess. It leads to volition (e.g., "I can.") and propulsion (e.g., "I want to.").

Not initially knowing where he would go next, my client was moving "from" an undesired position,

mistakenly motivated by penalties for perceived failure. Of course, he had not failed; his job hadfailed him. The way we express our feelings will shape our beliefs, intentions, and actions, oftenwithout our awareness.

My client's initial affirmation, "I can't stand this job," was working to keep him there. The mind isunable to focus on the reverse of an idea. It will delete a negative such as "can't" and move

directly to its dominant thought. What he had actually affirmed with strong emotion was, "I standthis job!"

Filled with energetic dislike for his job, he had not only been affirming that he would continue to"stand" his job. He had also intensified his unwanted staying power by mixing strong negativeemotion with his words.

He went on to identify the position and job he wanted. Then he began to create statementsfocusing on rewards for moving to a satisfying and fulfilling position. Within two months, he hadacquired a satisfying position with a new company, and, to his delight, an employer who regularlycompliments him on his work.

Clearly focus on your desires each day. Ask yourself, "What do I want, exactly?" "What am Imoving toward?" Allow your thoughts and words to move you toward your desires with faith inyour God-given talents and potential.

For additional information about effectively combining positive emotions with desire, see thearticle, Affirm Your Intentions - Achieve Your Goals at:http://achieveezine.com/articles/affirmations.shtml

Remember that most successful achievers focus on the rewards of success. Think of one of your

strongest desires and imagine what its attainment will make possible for you. The deepest desiresof your heart will produce the energy to carry you forward to success. May the rewards of everysuccess that you desire be yours!

Fear is a natural feeling and we cant avoid it. The one thing that we can learn to do is control it when it

happens. If we can learn to control our fear we can take a bad situation and turn it around for our good.

Fear is a natural reaction which was given to us in order to help us to overcome adversity or escape from

danger. Fear is not pleasant at all and the biggest danger is allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed by it.

Fear can be one of the best things that ever happened to us if we allow it. It can also be one of the worst if

we fail to control it.
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Most incidents which cause fear these days are not life threatening so they dont really require the physical

response that fear was intended to produce. Since we dont generally have to fight to survive we need to

adjust our fear to fit the non threatening situations which life generally throws at us.

The very first thing that we need to do is to control the fear before it gets a grip on our mind. Thinking

about the danger or problem part of the situation will not help you at all. Recognize the fear which is

attempting to rob you of your very life and get a handle. Being afraid or worrying about your problem will

not make it go away. It wont help you in the least so let it go. The important thing is to attempt to find an

immediate solution. Spend your valuable time coming up with an answer to the problem rather than just

being afraid of what you think is going to happen to you.

Use the adrenalin which fear causes to surge through your body to make you perform mentally, but

remember that you cant perform if you are more focused on your emotion rather than the solution to your

problem. When you lose focus you lose the battle. You must remain focused to win. Develop the ability to

block out everything other than what you need to block out. People who perform heroic acts are only heroic

because they know how to focus.

I once read an account of the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese in the 40s. According to one

Japanese pilot the bravest American that he ever saw stood there in front of him as he strafed the ground

around him. The American stood there with a pistol and continued to fire at the plane while it bore down

on him. That soldier was brave but he was only brave because he was focused. He chose to concentrate on

shooting down the Japanese plane rather than being afraid of what it would do to him. If there had ever

been a time in history where an airplane was shot down by a pistol this would have been it. Who knows

what you can accomplish if you can remain focused.

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