Time Management - Fasset · Web view"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." - Anthony Robbins. ... Respond appropriately

Assertiveness in the Workplace

February 2011

Workbook

The views expressed in this document are not necessarily those of the Fasset Seta.

2011 Assertiveness in the WorkplaceFebruary 2011

ORDER OF PROCEEDINGS

Please note that the times reflected below are estimates only and may differ slightly from

venue to venue.

08h00 – 08h30 Registration and Tea

08h30 – 08h50 Fasset Overview

08h50 – 10h20 Speaker Assertiveness in the Workplace

10h20 – 10h40 Tea Break

10h40 – 12h20 Speaker Assertiveness in the Workplace Continued

12h20 – 13h00 Lunch


14h20 – 14h40 Tea Break


16h00 Close

The views of the keynote speaker are not reflective of the official views of Fasset.

Assertiveness in the WorkplaceFebruary 2011

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. Understanding Assertiveness 3

Words, tone and body language

Aggressive, assertive and passive

The external signs

Why even assertive communication breaks down

Listening and questioning

2. How Assertive am I? 13

What can you do to be more assertive

3. Applying Assertiveness in the Workplace 19

Building trust

Change management

Assertiveness and cultural differences

4. Assertiveness and Dealing with Aggressive Individuals 23

The six steps

Skills practice


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1) Understanding Assertiveness

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." - Anthony Robbins

To really understand what assertiveness is and how it is applied in the workplace, we

would first need to revisit the basics of communication.

Communication is the transfer of information, whether aggressively, passively or

assertively by posture, words, facial expressions, tone or gestures, from one source to

another, and in such a way that an understanding, whether intended or not, takes place.

In his studies, Albert Mehrabian, the Professor Emeritus of Psychology at UCLA,

identified that there are essentially 3 elements to communication, words, tone and body

language.

Words Tone Body Language

In order for effective communication to take place it is important that the three elements

are in congruence with one another. If people hear the words but see that our body

language does not line up with what we are saying, they will be less likely to accept that

what are saying is true. Mehrabian found that when the three elements were

incongruent the listener was more likely to trust the predominate one.

It is therefore very important that we say what we mean and that we say it with

conviction if we hope to get our message across effectively.

Now that we have identified the three means of communication, let us look at the three

broad categories of communicators.


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Aggressive Assertive Passive

AGGRESSIVEDefining Points

Standing up for what you believe in.

Showing a lack of concern for what others believe in.

Showing a lack of concern for the feelings and opinions of others.

Placing your needs and wants ahead of others.

Typical Statements of an Aggressor “I don’t really care what you think”

“No, you will listen to me”

“I will only say this once”

“If I don’t do it, nobody will”

“The only way to get things done properly is for me to do it”

Workplace example:


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PASSIVEDefining Points

Failing to stand up for what you believe in.

Allowing others to disregard what you think or believe.

Allowing others to disregard your feelings and opinions.

Placing the needs and wants of others ahead of your own.

Typical Statements of a Passive “No its ok, lets do it your way”

“Whatever you think”

“I’m not very good at this”

“If its going to cause problems, rather let me do it”

“I don’t mind”

Workplace example:

ASSERTIVEDefining Points

1. Honest – Express yourself as you feel without lying to others as this is ultimately

lying to yourself.

2. Considerate – Consider the situation you are in, the feelings and attitudes and

the cultures and values of others and express yourself appropriately within that

context.

3. Direct – Be direct in your conversation so as to avoid the pitfalls of

misunderstanding. Be clear, concise and deliberate with each statement.


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Effective assertive communicators understand that…


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“Other people are allowed to

passionately believe something that is completely different to what

you believe.”

“You are not in a competition to

change the other persons mind. They

will change their mind only when they choose to change it.”

“You are not always right.”

“Any relationship requires

commitment from both parties.”

“Proactive communication is

always better than reactive

communication.”

“Assertiveness in the Workplace is a choice that I

choose to make.”

“A win/win scenario is always possible regardless of the behaviour style

adopted by the other person.”

“Other people also have the right to be

assertive in their behaviour style.”

For each of the questions 1-4 below, indicate whether the response given is Passive,

Aggressive or Assertive.

1. Your Manager asks you what time you will be back from lunch. You say:

“At 1:30pm.”

Behaviour

“I don’t have to take lunch”

Behaviour

2. Your subordinate has just given a brilliant presentation, you say: -

“Well done!”

Behaviour

If only I could talk like that”

Behaviour


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3. Your boss wants to know why a customer has phoned in to complain about the service you gave them. You reply: -

“I did not prepare properly and it wasted the customer’s time. Please allow me to phone and apologise.”

Behaviour

“They walked in with an attitude, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Behaviour

4. You arrive 15 minutes late for an important meeting: -

“Thank you for meeting me. I’m really sorry I was late.”

Behaviour

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long?”

Behaviour


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What are the external signs of each of the behaviours?In your groups discuss the external signs displayed by each behaviour when using

different means to communicate with your group

The Means The Behaviour The External Signs

Words

Tone

Body Language


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Aggressive

Assertive

Passive

Aggressive

Assertive

Passive

Aggressive

Assertive

Passive

Why does even assertive communication break down?

Communication, even assertive communication, often breaks down because of two very

simple factors

1. Listening

2. Questioning

We will now examine both these simple factors in more depth.

1. ListeningOur listening attitudes determine our listening behaviours. Complete the exercise

below to check your listening attitude. If you think that the statement describes your

listening behaviour, tick yes. If you don’t think the statement describes your listening

behaviour, tick no.

1. I am interested in many subjects and do not intentionally block out any boring

sounding information.

YES NO

2. I listen carefully for a speaker’s main ideas and supporting points.

YES NO

3. I take notes during meetings.

YES NO


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4. I am not easily distracted.

YES NO

5. I keep my emotions under control.

YES NO

6. I concentrate carefully and do not fake attention.

YES NO

7. I wait for the speaker to finish before evaluating the message.

YES NO

8. I respond appropriately with a smile of a nod, or a word of acknowledgement as a

speaker is talking.

YES NO

9. I am aware of mannerisms that may distract a speaker and keep mine under control.

YES NO

10. I understand my biases and control them when I am listening.


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YES NO

11. I refrain from constantly interrupting.

YES NO

12. I value eye contact and maintain that most of the time.

YES NO

13. I often restate or paraphrase what the speaker has said to make sure I have

the correct meaning.

YES NO

14. I listen for the speaker’s emotional meaning and subject matter content.

YES NO

15. I ask questions for clarification.

YES NO

16. I do not finish other people’s sentences.

YES NO

17. I take notes when listening on the telephone.

YES NO

18. I try to set aside my ego and focus on the speaker rather than on myself.Assertiveness in the WorkplaceFebruary 2011

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YES NO

19. I am careful to judge the message rather than the speaker.

YES NO

20. I am a patient listener most of the time.

YES NO

TOTALS

1-5 no answers great listener6-10 no answers good listener11-15 no answers practice will make you a much more effective listener16-20 no answers big improvement needed

7 Simple techniques for more effective listening 1. Maintain eye contact

2. Respond appropriately with word or nod

3. Refrain from interrupting

4. Take notes if possible

5. Allow the speaker to finish before evaluating the message

6. Clarify main points with questions

7. Keep emotions under control


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2. QuestioningBelieve it or not, there is such a thing as asking good and bad questions. We need to

know how to ask good questions especially in business. Questioning, like listening, is a

skill that can be acquired and therefore needs to be worked on and improved. Not being

able to ask good, strong relevant questions will result in a lack of understanding and

miscommunication. Asking good questions engages and stimulates the person you are

addressing. In response that person will provide you with feedback and information,

continuing the communication cycle and displaying that understanding and clarification

has taken place.

Why ask questions? It builds understanding

Promotes a higher level of thinking

A person’s ability to understand and remember material is enhanced

Questions encourage others to speak

To collect information

Able to find possible solutions

Builds trust


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Asking the right kind of questionsRemember to try and avoid questions that are limited to one word or yes / no answers.

Rather ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are especially helpful when

leading discussions and when holding a conversation.

Benefits of open-ended questions:

Invites opinions, thoughts and feelings

Encourages participation

Establishes rapport

Stimulates discussion

Maintains balance between speakers

Give 2 examples of open ended questions you could realistically ask during the course of you work.

1.

2.


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2) How Assertive am I?

Before completing and scoring the questionnaire, first estimate what you think your

assertion score is. Express this estimate as a quantitative number on the table below:

The following questions will be helpful in assessing your Assertiveness in the Workplace. Be honest in your responses. All you have to do is draw a circle

around the number that describes you best.

0 means “no” or “never”

1 means “somewhat” or “sometimes”

2 means “average”

3 means “usually” or “a good deal”

4 means “practically always” or “entirely”.


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1 When a person is highly unfair, do you call it to his attention? 0 1 2 3 4

2 Do you find it difficult to make decisions? 0 1 2 3 4

3 Are you critical of others’ ideas, opinions, and behaviour? 0 1 2 3 4

4 Do you speak out in protest when someone takes your place in queues? 0 1 2 3 4

5 Do you often avoid people or situations for fear of embarrassment? 0 1 2 3 4

6 Do you usually have confidence in your own judgment? 0 1 2 3 4


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7 Do you insist that your spouse or roommate take on a fair share of household chores? 0 1 2 3 4

8 Are you prone to “fly off the handle?” 0 1 2 3 4

9When a salesman makes an effort, do you find it hard to say “no” even though the merchandise is not really what you want?

0 1 2 3 4

10 When a latecomer is waited on before you are, do you call attention to the situation? 0 1 2 3 4

11 Are you reluctant to speak up in a discussion or debate? 0 1 2 3 4

12If a person has borrowed money (or a book, garment, thing of value) and is overdue in returning it, do you mention it?

0 1 2 3 4

13 Do you continue to pursue an argument after the other person has had enough? 0 1 2 3 4

14 Do you generally express what you feel? 0 1 2 3 4

15 Are you disturbed if someone watches you at work? 0 1 2 3 4

16 If someone keeps kicking or bumping your chair in a movie or lecture, do you ask the person to stop? 0 1 2 3 4

17 Do you find it difficult to keep eye contact when talking to another person? 0 1 2 3 4

18In a good restaurant, when your meal is improperly prepared or served, do you ask the waiter/waitress to correct the situation?

0 1 2 3 4

19 When you discover merchandise is faulty, do you return it for an adjustment? 0 1 2 3 4


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20 Do you show anger by name calling or obscenities? 0 1 2 3 4

21 Do you try to be a wallflower or a piece of furniture in social situations? 0 1 2 3 4

22Do you insist that your landlord (mechanic, repairman etc) make repairs, adjustments or replacements, which are his responsibility?

0 1 2 3 4

23 Do you often step in and make decisions for others? 0 1 2 3 4

24 Are you able openly to express love and affection? 0 1 2 3 4

25 Are you able to ask your friends for small favours or help? 0 1 2 3 4

26 Do you think you always have the right answer? 0 1 2 3 4

27 When you differ with a person you respect, are you able to speak up for your own viewpoint? 0 1 2 3 4

28 Are you able to refuse unreasonable requests made by friends? 0 1 2 3 4

29 Do you have difficulty complementing or praising others? 0 1 2 3 4

30 If you are disturbed by someone smoking near you, can you say so? 0 1 2 3 4

31 Do you shout or use bullying tactics to get others to do as you wish? 0 1 2 3 4

32 Do you finish other people’s sentences for them? 0 1 2 3 4


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33 Do you get into physical fights with others, especially strangers? 0 1 2 3 4

34 At family meals, do you control the conversation? 0 1 2 3 4

35 When you meet a stranger, are you the first to introduce yourself and begin a conversation? 0 1 2 3 4

SCORING INSTRUCTIONS

Add the scores for questions

1, 4, 6, 7, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 19, 22, 24, 25, 27, 28, 30, and 35.

Total Score ______ (1)

Add the scores for questions

2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 11, 13, 15, 17, 20, 21, 23, 26, 29, 31, 32, 33 and 34.

Total Score ______ (2)

Subtract the total score (2), from the total score (1).

The net result is your Assertiveness in the Workplace score.


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Assertiveness in the Workplace Score _____

A score less than 0, indicates that you are low in Assertiveness in the Workplace.

A score of 0 - 10 indicates that you are somewhat assertive.

A score of 11 – 20 indicates that you are usually assertive.

A score over 20 indicates that you are very assertive.

If your estimated score was lower than your actual score:

You have a lot of potential for being more assertive than you are and you are probably, on many occasions, holding yourself back.

You are not fully in tune with yourself and must work on enhancing self-awareness.


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What can you do to be more Assertive?

1. Assertiveness is often linked to self

image and self belief. Examine

yourself first and know what your

value system is. In knowing clearly

who you are and understanding your

rights, you will be able to

communicate more directly with greater confidence and self control.

2. Value the rights of others and be respectful of them. Understand that you are not

always right and as such open your mind to rational arguments.

3. Ask for help from peers who you know will be honest with you.

4. Identify the body language characteristics that you have that limit your

effectiveness. These could take the form of giggling, nodding your head too

much, playing with your hands or always averting your gaze from the person you

are talking to.

5. Identify the tone characteristics you use that limit your effectiveness. A singing

voice or a voice with a sarcastic undertone should be replaced by a level, well

modulated tone.

6. Learn how to avoid being interrupted while you are talking by using a polite yet

firm phrase. An example of this would be, “hang on, I haven’t finished”

7. Don’t start interactions with the word sorry. Also avoid apologising for what you

are about to say. Both will immediately reduce the assertiveness factor.

8. Improve your listening skills and learn to ask effective open questions which will


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not only provide you with clearer information but improve your overall confidence

with regard to the issue at hand.

9. Don’t be afraid to say no. If necessary give an explanation but don’t apologise

through the entire explanation. This will be perceived as passivity and could be

used against you to ultimately get you to say yes.

(Keys to saying no: Be firm, be direct and be honest!)

10.Use “I” not “you” statements. People cannot argue with how a situation makes

you feel but they will argue with you if you tell them how it makes them feel, even

if you are right!

11.Practise with friends and family. Practise in front of the mirror by making assertive

statements, maintaining direct eye contact, standing relaxed and upright and be

very aware of your tone and body language. Choose less anxious situations at

first until you build up your confidence.


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Assertiveness Exercise

What is stopping me from being Assertive right now?

What can I do about it?


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3) Applying Assertiveness in the Workplace

In this module we will discuss the application of assertiveness in the workplace in the

areas of Building Trust, Change Management and Cultural Differences. In Module 4 we

will deal specifically with Aggressive Individuals. You will notice that the defining points

of assertiveness mentioned in Module 1, honesty, consideration, directness are

reinforced and applied in Module 3 and 4.

Building Trust

1. Be honest in all you say and do in the workplace, even if doing so is to your

personal disadvantage.

2. Be open minded about colleagues ideas and opinions and show this by the

listening and questioning techniques covered in Module 1.


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3. Maintain credibility by acting on the promises you make. You need to set an

example of consistency in your words and actions. Don’t tell others to do things

you don’t do.

4. Be sincere in words, tone and body language. People will soon work out if you

are insincere and therefore untrustworthy.

5. Share important information timeously.

6. Watch out what you tell to whom. Certain information like salaries, increases,

conflict situations etc. is private and should not be shared with employees at all

levels of an organisation.

7. Be transparent in your decisions and encourage questions regarding those

decisions.

8. Don’t hold secret meetings unless they are for the specific benefit of the

company.

9. Be humble with achievements. Don’t attempt to take all the credit but rather

recognise all those who assisted you.

It is amazing what can be accomplished if you don't take care who takes the credit.

Ronald Reagan – Former US President


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Change Management

Employer Employee

Get personally involved Get personally involved

Involve the whole team and listen to others

ideas and concerns. Allowing them to

participate in the process will ensure their

loyalty and commitment to the process.

Share ideas and concerns remembering to

always have an alternate idea if you

believe something won’t work. Participate

fully and with enthusiasm in the process

Ask for volunteers to assist with the

process, you may be surprised as to who

takes up the challenge. Build a team to

assist with the process.

Volunteer to assist with the process and be

prepared to work in and work with a team.

Be clear and honest about what needs to

change and exactly how that process will

take place. Plan well and keep all informed

as to the progress.

Listen carefully as to the changes and ask

questions to avoid any confusion.

Be positive and encourage others to

improve. Be direct and clear as to why

change is needed and exactly what that

change will be.

Be positive and supportive to those in

charge and be an agent for change.

Keep people informed with regular

meetings. If you see that negativity is

creeping in address it immediately by

giving them a progress report.

Attend all meetings and be positive. Take

notes and address your peers when they

speak negatively about the changes.


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Dealing with Different CulturesDifferent cultures can produce a rather unique challenge in that what we often perceive

in a certain way does not necessarily reflect the views of another culture.

1. Make an attempt to understand the culture you are dealing with paying particular

attention to their attitude toward aggression, passivity and assertiveness.

2. In order to effectively communicate with another culture it is helpful if you

understand their approach to:

a. Authority – what is their approach to dealing with authority. Is it very

hierarchical or very informal.

b. Gender – how do they respond to members of the opposite gender in work

relationships.

c. Time – are they time conscious or is the quality of the task more important.

d. Detail – is great attention to detail important to them or are they more

comfortable working in a creative environment.

e. Individualism – do they believe in individualism or are the more collective

in their approach to work.

f. Age – how do they treat elders and how would they respond to instruction

from a younger person.


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4) Assertiveness and Dealing with Aggressive Individuals

Dealing with aggressive individuals or bullies in the workplace can be very intimidating.

The reality is that that is exactly what an aggressor or bully wants you to feel. If you are

intimidated and respond passively you reinforce the aggressive behaviour because as

the bully gets their own way their behaviour is being rewarded which leads to them

continuing with the aggressive behaviour.

Invariably bullies and aggressors are very insecure people who attempt to dominate so

that others don’t have any responsibility or influence. They are selfish and manipulative

and are often surrounded by ‘yes men’ who don’t challenge or judge them.

It is easy to say that one should act assertively when dealing with aggressors and bullies

but this is easier said then done. There isn’t a perfect system that will alleviate the

problem overnight but there are certain things you can do to improve your ability to act

assertively when dealing with these kinds of individuals.


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1. Be prepared. Ensure you have all the facts and that you have done your research.

Have copies of printouts if necessary and be ready to distribute them. The bully usually

does not have all the facts generally preferring to storm their way the interaction by

force. The more prepared you are the more difficult it will be to intimidate you. They will

also be less inclined to take you on in the future if you develop a reputation as someone

who is prepared and organised.

2. Don’t allow them to physically dominate you, if they are standing, you should stand.

Look them in the eye and listen attentively without interrupting. Give them your full

attention and don’t reflect aggression in your body language.

3. Don’t get offended by sarcastic comments, generalisations or unmerited criticism. If

you do you will take yourself away from the issue at hand and get caught up arguing

over issues which are not relevant. This is only adds fuel to the aggressor who will use

your arguing as justification for their action thus perpetuating the bullying.

Managing Emotions

1. Accept that you have emotions and that they are a healthy expression of how we

feel. Learn to assess the signs of particular emotional reactions and their

helpfulness in situations. Learn to channel, not suppress, your emotions for

maximum benefit to all.

2. Constantly evaluate your perceptions and their legitimacy. Our perceptions often

cloud our judgement and therefore our ability to rationally assess a person and/or a

situation.

3. Engage your emotional intelligence and seek appropriate responses to situations,

not only emotional ones. Emotional intelligence is can be summed up as the ability

to act or react appropriately in any given situation.


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4. Ask clarifying questions so that you know clearly what it is that is required of you and

what it is you have failed to do appropriately. Maintain a level tone when asking

questions in spite of the fact that you will probably face more aggressive behaviour,

sarcasm and belittling during the answering of the questions.

5. Listen carefully and evaluate the nature of the complaint or criticism. Some criticism

may be justified and if you are at fault, agree to make the necessary changes. If you feel

that the criticism is unwarranted don’t be afraid to tell them you disagree with them. Be

careful not to adopt an aggressive attitude yourself and use ‘I’ statements as opposed to

‘you’ statements when you explain from your perspective. Remember assertiveness in

the workplace is about being honest, direct and considerate.

6. Explain clearly what you will be doing from this point onwards. If there is something

that needs to be done get a clear timeline and keep to it. You don’t want to have to

revisit a poor or non performance on the same issue. Remain factual and professional.

Be direct in your conversation so as to avoid the pitfalls of misunderstanding. Be clear,

concise and deliberate with each statement.


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Observation sheet

Action Comments

Were they prepared and did they give

facts when dealing with the situation.

Did they maintain eye contact throughout

and not adopt negative body language.

Did they get caught up in negative

criticism, comments etc.

Did they ask clarifying questions and

establish exactly what was required of

them.

Were they direct, honest and considerate?

Did they keep their cool, stay focused on

the issue and not get sidetracked.

Was a timeline put in place and the

interaction successfully concluded?

Learner Name:

Observer Name:


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Documents

Time Management - Fasset · Web view"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." - Anthony Robbins. ... Respond appropriately