Through the Valley eBook

8/8/2019 Through the Valley eBook

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Through The ValleyAnd Lessons Learnt.

A Life Changing Encounter with Death!

Autobiography Volume 1.

First Edition Print copyright February 2008 by Akino A.

Davis.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be

reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any

form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,

recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of

the publisher.

N.B. ALL REFERENCES TO SCRIPTURES ARE

QUOTED FROM THE NEW LIVING TRANSLATION

SELF HELP EDITION OF THE HOLY BIBLE, UNLESS

OTHERWISE STATED.

ISBN# 978 976 8211 96 5

Published by: KingdomKingdomKingdomKingdom Coaching CompanyCoaching CompanyCoaching CompanyCoaching Company,,,,

Address: ####7 Atherton Drive, Five Rivers, Arouca7 Atherton Drive, Five Rivers, Arouca7 Atherton Drive, Five Rivers, Arouca7 Atherton Drive, Five Rivers, Arouca,,,,

TrinidadTrinidadTrinidadTrinidad, West Indies., West Indies., West Indies., West Indies.

Telephone: 1111----868868868868----444489898989----8888844844844844 / 1/ 1/ 1/ 1----868868868868----333333337777----5555886886886886....

Website: www.kingdomcoach.www.kingdomcoach.www.kingdomcoach.www.kingdomcoach.wwwwebsebsebsebs.com.com.com.com

Email: [email protected]@[email protected]@gmail.com

Editing and Proof Reading by: Dr. D. Ibeleme, A.A.T. Davis,

S.R. Lowe, C.T. Ryan Myers and M. Wong.

Cover Design by Akino Davis.

Printed in the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago.


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TABLE OF CONTENTS.TABLE OF CONTENTS.TABLE OF CONTENTS.TABLE OF CONTENTS.

COVERING STATEMENT page 5

DEDICATION page 7FOREWORD Dr. David Ibeleme page 9

INTRODUCTION page 11

SECTION ONE: THROUGH THE VALLEY.SECTION ONE: THROUGH THE VALLEY.SECTION ONE: THROUGH THE VALLEY.SECTION ONE: THROUGH THE VALLEY.

Chapter 1: THROUGH THE VALLEY page 16

SECTION TWO: REFLECTING ON THE WARNING.SECTION TWO: REFLECTING ON THE WARNING.SECTION TWO: REFLECTING ON THE WARNING.SECTION TWO: REFLECTING ON THE WARNING.

Chapter 2: REFLECTING ONTHE WARNING page 43

SECTION THREE: ABANDONMENT, GUILT ANDSECTION THREE: ABANDONMENT, GUILT ANDSECTION THREE: ABANDONMENT, GUILT ANDSECTION THREE: ABANDONMENT, GUILT AND

SELFSELFSELFSELF----CONDEMNATION.CONDEMNATION.CONDEMNATION.CONDEMNATION.

Chapter 3: FROM SONSHIP TO A

BASTARD page 49

Chapter 4: ABANONING SHIP page 53

Chapter 5: THE GUILTY FEELING page 58

Chapter 6: CONFRONTING DEPRESSION page 61

Chapter 7: LEARNING TO FORGIVE page 65

SECTION FOUR: WHAT MAKES LIFE LIVING?SECTION FOUR: WHAT MAKES LIFE LIVING?SECTION FOUR: WHAT MAKES LIFE LIVING?SECTION FOUR: WHAT MAKES LIFE LIVING?

Chapter 8: FINDING LOVE ONCE page 71

Chapter 9: APPRECIATING PEOPLE page 74

Chapter 10: GREAT EXPECTANCY page 78Chapter 11: RESPECT AND HONOR page 81

Chapter 12: EXPRESSION OF LOVE page 84

SECTION FIVE: OVERCOMING THE PAIN.SECTION FIVE: OVERCOMING THE PAIN.SECTION FIVE: OVERCOMING THE PAIN.SECTION FIVE: OVERCOMING THE PAIN.

Chapter 13: IM SORRY page 88

Chapter 14: WHAT MATTERS MOST? page 92

Chapter 15: WHEN PURPOSE CALLS page 95

Chapter 16: STARTING YOUR JOURNEY page 99


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Chapter 17: FINDING LOVE AGAIN page 102

Chapter 18: TESTIFYING page 106

AFTERWORD Akino Davis page 110

UPCOMING WORKS page 111


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COVERING STATEMENT:COVERING STATEMENT:COVERING STATEMENT:COVERING STATEMENT:

A MAN OF PURPOSE IS SIMPLY UNSTOPPABLE. HEA MAN OF PURPOSE IS SIMPLY UNSTOPPABLE. HEA MAN OF PURPOSE IS SIMPLY UNSTOPPABLE. HEA MAN OF PURPOSE IS SIMPLY UNSTOPPABLE. HE

KEEPS MARCHING TOWARDS HIS DESTINY,KEEPS MARCHING TOWARDS HIS DESTINY,KEEPS MARCHING TOWARDS HIS DESTINY,KEEPS MARCHING TOWARDS HIS DESTINY,

AGAINST ALL ODDS. YOU ARE A MAN OFAGAINST ALL ODDS. YOU ARE A MAN OFAGAINST ALL ODDS. YOU ARE A MAN OFAGAINST ALL ODDS. YOU ARE A MAN OF

PURPOSE!PURPOSE!PURPOSE!PURPOSE!

For the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we dont even

know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But

the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be

expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts

knows what the Spirit is saying, for the spirit pleads for usbelievers in harmony with Gods own will. And we know that

God causes everything to work together for the good of those

who love God and are called according to his purpose for

them. For God knew his people in advance and he chose those

them to be like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn,

with many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he

called them to come to himself and he promised them his

glory.

What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If

God is for us, who can be against us? Since God did not spare

even his own Son but gave him up for us all, wont God, who

gave us Christ, also give us everything else? Who dares

accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No!

He is the one who has given us right standing with himself.

Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is

the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is

sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for

us.

Can anything ever separate us from Christs love? Does it

mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or

are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or


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threatened with death? (Even the Scriptures say, For your

sake we are killed everyday; we are being slaughtered like

sheep). No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is

ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from

his love. Death cant and life cant.Death cant and life cant.Death cant and life cant.Death cant and life cant. The Angels cant and the

demons cant. Our fears for today, our worries about

tomorrow and even the powers of hell cant keep Gods Love

away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest

ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us

from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus ourLord.

Written By: Apostle Paul to the Romans.

Romans chapter 8, verses 26 to 39.


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DEDICATION.DEDICATION.DEDICATION.DEDICATION.

Dedicated To:

- The memory and contribution made and in honor of the Livesof my late wife VONELLE MELISSA DAVIS VONELLE MELISSA DAVIS VONELLE MELISSA DAVIS VONELLE MELISSA DAVIS (23

rdOctober

1979 died 5th

May 2006) and my son JOSIAH DAVIS JOSIAH DAVIS JOSIAH DAVIS JOSIAH DAVIS

(Conceived July 2005 died 23rd

April 2006).

- For Vonelle who by persistence led me into the kingdom ofChrist, supported me in everyway possible and helped me

maintain a righteous lifestyle.

- I am forever grateful. For Josiah who presented theopportunity for me to experience, learn and understand what

true fatherhood is about.

- All who have lost love ones and are yet to recover from grief.- My Mother, GLORIA WILSONGLORIA WILSONGLORIA WILSONGLORIA WILSON----THOMASTHOMASTHOMASTHOMAS. For her

continuous support and Love towards me.

- Apostle Emmanuel Vivian Duncan Apostle Emmanuel Vivian Duncan Apostle Emmanuel Vivian Duncan Apostle Emmanuel Vivian Duncan. For challenging me tomarch towards my purpose and produce this book. For

stepping up as a true Father of the Faith to adopt me and

spiritually cover me with a genuine concern for bringing Gods

gift in me to blossom.

- Doctors SpannDoctors SpannDoctors SpannDoctors Spann andandandand Williams and All the Nurses Williams and All the Nurses Williams and All the Nurses Williams and All the Nurses at theSeventh Day Community Hospital who genuinely attended to

Vonelle. May God continue to guide your lives.

- Vonelles Family: Mr. Vaughn Joyeau and Mrs. Carol Joyeau,Josanne, Jana, Kyle, Kelsey and Chelsea.

- My Family: Dad (Alston Davis), Gary, Janelle, Aisha, Adisa


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and Chelsea who stood by me during my time of grief and

mourning.

- My Friends who visited me and Vonelle at the Hospital duringthis time: Winston Simon, Delores Stapleton, Michael Doyle,

Kevin Audain, Stacy-Ann Lowe, Cathy-Ann Hogan, Arlene &

Ernil Moore and those who I have forgotten to mention,

forgive me.

- Apostle Wayne Haywood.Apostle Wayne Haywood.Apostle Wayne Haywood.Apostle Wayne Haywood. For sewing the seed of Gods wordin my spirit, baptizing me in the faith and for nurturing me in

the discipline of Christianity.

- Special thanks to Wendell Harewood & Kirk Hogan fordonating blood to assist in meeting Vonelles medical needs.

- Sheila Simpson and Simpsons Funeral Agency, Couva. I ameternally grateful to Sister Sheila for performing the Cremation

service for Josiah and for the excellent job in presenting the

bodies of my wife and son in such a royal way. For hergenerosity and favor towards me, thanks.

- All Husbands and Wives who waste time, not making the mostof the time with the people God has given to us!

- All who contributed financially, emotionally and otherwise tobring this book to life.

- All who will read and receive the content of this book and All who will read and receive the content of this book and All who will read and receive the content of this book and All who will read and receive the content of this book andaspire to be equipped for the expected reaaspire to be equipped for the expected reaaspire to be equipped for the expected reaaspire to be equipped for the expected reallllity of the death ofity of the death ofity of the death ofity of the death of

our loved ones and your life afterwards.our loved ones and your life afterwards.our loved ones and your life afterwards.our loved ones and your life afterwards.


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FOREWORDFOREWORDFOREWORDFOREWORD....

Reading ThroughThroughThroughThrough TTTThe ValleyAnd Lessohe ValleyAnd Lessohe ValleyAnd Lessohe ValleyAnd Lessons Learnt!ns Learnt!ns Learnt!ns Learnt! was a

tremendous blessing to me personally. For many of us it isdifficult to acknowledge our feelings and emotions and claim

to walk in faith at the same time. This is because we have been

generally taught that faith doesnt recognize or acknowledge the

negative situations we face in life. Many have felt that

appreciating or admitting when we are experiencing tough,

frustrating or painful times in our lives is a mark of unbelief.

This bookThroughThroughThroughThrough TTTThe ValleyAnd Lessons Learnt!he ValleyAnd Lessons Learnt!he ValleyAnd Lessons Learnt!he ValleyAnd Lessons Learnt!helpsus appreciate the scriptural truth that faith doesnt deny the

existence of problems or negative circumstances but rather, it

denies those situations the ability to rule or govern our lives.

I thank Akino Davis for being generous and brave enough to

write this book which can be likened to a modern dayJob

experience. Though he takes time to take us through his

pains, frustrations and depressing moments he never failed to

keep pointing us to the fact that God and His Word are the

keys to overcome them. More than the pains and suffering

experiences, this book showcases and opens our eyes to the

delivering Power of Almighty God. The book clearly focuses

on Gods grace and mercy and continually shows us that there

is no pain that is too great for God to heal.

Akinos writing style is very reader friendly and really makes

the account come alive. I look forward to the possibility of this

book being transformed into a motion picture or a theatrical

stage performance.

I also appreciate how he has allowed Gods power of

forgiveness to help him overcome all the resentments he had

against people who though close to him had hurt him a lot.


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To you Akino, I believe that you demonstrated a high level of

maturity in the way that you avoided mentioning the names of

the people, whom you felt, hurt you. I am also grateful to God

that you accepted His comfort and received beauty for ashes,

the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the

spirit of heaviness. I can indeed say that you have become a

tree of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be

glorified, in accordance with Isaiah 61: 3.

I believe this book will encourage and comfort every reader

and be a tremendous tool in leading people to the Lord Jesuswhose love is truly unconditional.

Akino, you are blessed to be a blessing. Stay Strong.

Bishop (Dr.) David Ibeleme

President VFM (Trinidad & Tobago)


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INTRODUCTION.INTRODUCTION.INTRODUCTION.INTRODUCTION.

This book is called ThroughThroughThroughThrough TTTThe Valleyhe Valleyhe Valleyhe ValleyAndAndAnd And LessonsLessonsLessonsLessons

Learnt.Learnt.Learnt.Learnt.It is the first release in a planned series of published

experiences and testimonies of mine and forms part of the

Intensive Care Outreach Series. it is in fact a compilation of

multiple books merged to highlight the following:

(1). The Experience

(2). The Warning.

(3). The Lessons Learnt.

(4). The Naturally Expected Reactions and(5). Moving Onwards.

This book has its origin from a daily diary of I kept whilst at

the hospital. The diary notes were intended to merely remind

and refresh my wifes memory of the ordeal she endured, so

as, to assist in her full recovery. Little did I expect that these

diary notes would form part of this book, sharing with you

what was recorded.

The Intensive Care Outreach Series, was birthed from the

thirteen-day wilderness experience my wife spent in a coma, in

the intensive care unit of the hospital, battling for her life, a

fight she eventually ceded to. It was at her bedside during these

thirteen days (April 24th 2006 to May 5th 2006) that I was

taken to school by the Holy Spirit and taught the most vital

truths of life, at least as they pertained to my experience in

losing my entire family.

This book is written to share with the reader the high points

and depths of living and the revelations understood by the

reality of the death of our love ones. I would be cheating you if

I didnt share the inspiration for writing this book. As

expressed in the covering statement on the first page, I believe


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now that my purpose is one fuelled by the desire to minister to

the heart-broken and the unaccomplished by sharing my

opinions and the experiences I gained through times of grief

and failure in spiritual, social and business aspects of my life.

What began with my wife conceiving and becoming pregnant

with our first child and the joy and excitement it created for us

and this climax, ending in the still birth of our son Josiah and

the passing soon after of his mother Vonelle, was just the

catalyst that sparked my reasoning for the benefits and the

greater plan of which God had for my Life. I have always

aimed to live life according to the pattern that men perceive asthe right standard for living; marry first, sex after and then

family growth and climbing the corporate ladder all in good

succession. I was never prepared for the mishap of losing a

loved one, much less, losing the two of them that constituted

my family. All things normal to me became weird and

abnormal.

My short-lived experience thus far as a husband being marriedfor one year and eight months and father for nine months

(mothers pregnancy) and now living the experience as a

widower and grieving father, brought a new found meaning to

my short yet experienced life. At twenty-six years on the earth I

have discovered the meanings of the roles, position and offices

of the Husband, Father and Leader. It is with the slow passing

of time and the healing process that continues daily, that have

allowed me to overcome my fear of me not being able to

counsel with and help those, who like me have had a hard time

dealing with the Lessons Death Taught That Life Didnt.Lessons Death Taught That Life Didnt.Lessons Death Taught That Life Didnt.Lessons Death Taught That Life Didnt.

Furthermore, the inspiration for this book is the vital step I

took in inviting the power of forgiveness to enter my life. If you

are to really triumph over grief and move on successfully with

your life, forgiveness is of paramount importanceparamount importanceparamount importanceparamount importance to your


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progress, as is explained in chapter seven: Learning to Forgive.

It is therefore my sincerest desire that you will allow the Holy

Spirit or some form of conscience to search the ambitions of

this book as you continue to read and internalize its content. I

expect very much that by sharing my life, my emotions and my

thoughts with you in this book, it will help you and all those

who read it. I pray that this book will open the eyes of the

leaders who neglect their responsibility towards those that

follow them and for the people who take for granted the fine

folks who grace our lives.

Finally I pray that this book will stimulate change in attitudes,

understanding and communication between friends and

families; husbands and wives and parents with their children.

Before each chapter is a covering scripture that forms the

theme of the chapter. Following each chapter is a series of

personal questions I asked of God, my family and friends and

myself and the answer to each of these questions which helpedme to recover and begin to live life once more in the perfect

will of God for my life.

Read on then, if you are ready to conquer your grief by

traveling Through the ValleyThrough the ValleyThrough the ValleyThrough the Valley with me, learning and

implementing the Lessons Death Taught Me That LifeLessons Death Taught Me That LifeLessons Death Taught Me That LifeLessons Death Taught Me That Life

Didnt!Didnt!Didnt!Didnt!

Though chapters three and four are harsh in their delivery of

my feelings during the period of my grief, it is an honest

attempt to share what I felt and if I withheld these raw

emotions it would result in cheating you from identifying with

the objectives of this book and the healing power within its

pages. It is therefore important to note that this book is not

meant to intentionally hurt or embarrass anyone but it is the


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truth, my truth and the truth that we know will make ustruth, my truth and the truth that we know will make ustruth, my truth and the truth that we know will make ustruth, my truth and the truth that we know will make us

free.free.free.free.


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SECTION ONESECTION ONESECTION ONESECTION ONE

THROUGH THE VALLEY.THROUGH THE VALLEY.THROUGH THE VALLEY.THROUGH THE VALLEY.


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CHAPTER 1:CHAPTER 1:CHAPTER 1:CHAPTER 1:

THROUGH THE VALLEY.THROUGH THE VALLEY.THROUGH THE VALLEY.THROUGH THE VALLEY.

O Lord, I have so many enemies;so many are against me. So many are saying,

God will never rescue him! Interlude

But you, O Lord, are a shield around me, my glory

And the One who lifts my head high.

Psalms 3:1-3

It is only fitting that the first chapter of this book be one thatrecounts the final moments of the life of my wife and son and

my life with them. This chapter is a transcription of the diary I

kept from Monday 17th

April 2006 up until Monday 8th

May

2006. It is a very personal experience and it is meant to express

the highs and lows of the emotions of a husband and father as

he waits on a miracle from God. It is my hope that by sharing

this experience with you, you will gain a full appreciation of my

moments of grief, sorrow, anger and shock and truly appreciate

my motivation for writing this book. Be challenged in your

understanding of this chapter as I attempt to sensitize you to my

walk through the valley of death.

MMMMonday 17onday 17onday 17onday 17thththth

April 2006April 2006April 2006April 2006 Friday 21Friday 21Friday 21Friday 21stststst

April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.

At nine months pregnant and being previously admitted to thehospital the week before, Vonelle has once again been visited

with an unexpected sickle cell crisis. A demon, a thorn in her

flesh I presume, (just as was the case of the Apostle Paul as

described in 2 Corinthians 12), to prevent her from becoming

puffed up and to always remind her that she has to rely on

Jehovah God for her sustenance. During this period, doctors

and nurses do everything that was scientifically possible to treat

with the condition, our family members visit and pray and somemembers of our church interceded on Vonelles behalf.


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The imminent expectancy of our baby boy is foremost in my

mind and for Vonelle; she just wants healing for the pain.

Trusting God and having faith is easier said than it is practiced

but as believers in Christ we must take our limits off God and

allow him to control every situation.

Saturday 22Saturday 22Saturday 22Saturday 22ndndndnd


Today I visited my wife at 11:00 am and we had such lovely

fellowship, one could hardly expect what was to follow later on.

During my visit we talked about our expected son and we

planned for his arrival into this world. His room at home wasalready well prepared, clothes folded neatly and packed in the

drawers of the crib we bought, the stroller parked neatly in the

corner of the room and all the other items we had provided for

our prince were placed on the toddler bed in his room.

At 5:00 pm when I returned for the afternoon visitation period

at the hospital, I has shocked and hurt to the core of my soul.

Vonelle had slipped into a state of dementia, she did not evenremember or recognize who I was and of what relation I bore to

her. It was evident to me now that the sickle cell crisis had

reached a critical state and the pain was unbearable. The blood

count level as monitored by the doctors had decreased suddenly

from 10 to 4 in a matter of hours and her breathing now

labored.

I agonized to watch my wife now restrained to the hospital bed

by the nurses on duty, as if she was some sort of animal, in an

effort to prevent her from pulling at the needles of oxygen and

intravenous fluid tubes in her arms.


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Sunday 23Sunday 23Sunday 23Sunday 23rdrdrdrd April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.

At just past Midnight early Sunday morning I was summoned

back to the hospital as a matter of urgency by Vonelles cousin

who coincidentally was a co patient on the same ward with her.

The hospital needed my consent to perform an emergency

surgery to remove our son from within his mothers womb, so as

to save his life, a procedure we had been pleading for them to

perform all week long prior to this. At 4:00 am word came that

our son had died in the womb and my wife was now in critical

conditioned having suffered a lung failure during the procedure.

It hurt me to see Vonelle in a coma and helpless to the situationthat befell her especially knowing the fighter that she is.

Now having to plan a funeral for our first son, born dead, it is an

expectation that no father would ever want, I can now identify

with how much God really loves us, for he sent his only son as a

lamb to be slaughtered for our salvation. I could feel the

presence of God, his Spirit, telling me that something went

wrong in my attempt as a husband, something I must be heldresponsible for, something I will now share for those who are

willing to read on.

Monday 24Monday 24Monday 24Monday 24thththth April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.

Though Vonelles condition remained critical we (the family)

had more hope to hold on to. By now Vonelle was transferred

to the Intensive Care Unit of the Seventh Day Adventist

Community Hospital and My Mother flew in from overseas to

lend her support. I had demanded residency at the hospital in a

determined effort not to leave until Vonelle left the institution

alive and well. After the morning visit, there were signs of

response. As I spoke to her and declared prophetically over her

life and the situation, I felt my wife squeeze my hand. I sang a

song from a local gospel artiste she liked and saw her feet kicked


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and felt another squeeze of my hand. The doctor on the ward

informed us (the family) that the vital signs were as follows:

- The blood pressure was in the range of 130 over 75, almosta normal level. This was good because she was admitted

with the blood pressure at over 250 on the upper reading.

- Heart rate was coming closer to normal.- Respiration at 30 40 breaths per minute. This wasnt

normal and was faster than the normal rate which is around

18 breaths per minute.

On the other hand,

- Fluid was detected in the lungs and pure oxygen wasadministered in an attempt to successfully dry out the fluid

in the lungs.

- A culture harvest was taken from a scraping of the lungs andsent for testing to detect the type of lung failure. Anti-biotic

drugs is continued to be administered in the short term to

fight the bacteria.

Today we had a lot to look forward to and a lot to thank God

for. Vonelles condition was on the mend and recovery was

swift. Later in the evening while most of our immediate families

gathered, we were soon joined by three other Christian believers

and what began as a time of socializing and support, evolved into

a session of serious fire-breathing, tongue speaking, prophecy

declaring prayer and worship session.

Tuesday 25Tuesday 25Tuesday 25Tuesday 25thththth


My morning visit even more exciting than yesterday, though I

prayed with Vonelle aloud without her responding physically I

could sense that her spirit was still fighting. The doctor indicated

then, that she was still very much critical and all her vital signs of


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life were slowly normalizing. After I prayed, sang and spoke to

my wife as I would each morning, I left the hospital to attend

and witness the autopsy of our deceased Josiah. On arrival at the

mortuary, I was informed that the body had not yet been

released from the hospital and in haste I made over to the

maternity hospital to question the delay for the release of

Josiahs body. Imagine this, on my way to the hospital, my

babys body was also on route to the mortuary and I made that

trek in vain, you could imagine my frustration. This angered me

because the autopsy had now been postponed until the following

day.

At about 1:30 am and along with my mother we had the

opportunity to visit with Vonelle again. As we greeted Vonelle

her physical response to us was immediate. Her eyes began

blinking rapidly and movement was occurring in both her feet.

These reactions were very refreshing to our faith (those of us

who still believed) and I also believed it was a direct result of

spiritual intervention. You see, although I was absent, Apostle

Vivian Duncan, had visited her and prayed with her just aftermidday and it was at this moment that Vonelle first began

physically reacting to the sound of voices she knew, by blinking

rapidly and breathing heavily.

Anyways, while mom and I were by Vonelles bedside, one

could sense the eagerness in her wanting to regain

consciousness; eyes blinking, limbs moving and now, her voice

was groaning. It was unclear if the groaning were a sign of pain

or not but what we knew was that the groaning were a new sign

of expression and response now being demonstrated.

After a long day of ups and down, excitement and suspense, I

returned to bed a little after midnight with the assurance from

the doctors that all Vonelles vital signs were stabilizing, and her

response to sound was heightening.


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Wednesday 26Wednesday 26Wednesday 26Wednesday 26thththth April 2April 2April 2April 2006.006.006.006.

This day proved to be such a long day. During my regular

morning visit with Vonelle along with my Mom, it was the first

time during this period I was not my usual bundle of joy.

Nevertheless I composed myself and entered the Intensive Care

Unit and stood by my wifes bedside as I would routinely do. My

mother did most of the speaking this morning and did try to do

as I did always. I held unto Vonelles left hand, acknowledged

the presence of God with a prayer, then I told her how pretty

and beautiful she was this morning. I also, as usual, told her that

I had two friends with me, who came to visit her; they were JesusChrist and the Holy Spirit who came to promise her that they

were always by her side and that she will never be forsaken.

I left the ward at about 9:30 am because it was time for the

nurses to administer the morning doses of medication. I

subsequently left the Community Hospital and made my way to

the Medical Sciences Complex in east Trinidad, where the body

of our deceased son laid at the mortuary awaiting the scheduledautopsy. After an hour delay, the autopsy was performed and

Josiahs cause of death was determined. Fetal Hypoxia was the

medical term for saying that our baby was starved for oxygen in

his mothers womb; the medical staff took too long in removing

him after Vonelle went into shock. Imagine I spent the entire

day thereafter in the process of obtaining the death certificate.

On receipt of the certificate I checked the time to realize it was

already 3:30 pm and I didnt even have time to visit the St.

James Police Station to obtain permission to cremate Josiahs

remains at the Crematorium.

I returned to the Community Hospital which had now become

my home with Vonelle. At the time I returned, Vonelle was

being attended to and I had to wait before I could visit with her.


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In the mean time I responded to and answered numerous

phone calls, entertained the barrage of well-wishers that came

and fellowshipped with our families at the hospitals waiting

room. The doctor attending to Vonelle eventually reported that

she was now 80% reliant on the respirator machine; for the most

part, she could not breathe on her own ability. This though was

a 20% improvement from the day before when she relied 100%

on the machine.

I took this report as good news and it renewed my faith and joy.

The only thing that bothered me was the super-protective stance

of Vonelles mother concerning the visitors that came by thehospital. Her apparent concern of evil-doers with intention to

further hurt her daughter spiritually and what I considered a lack

of faith in the ability of Gods Angels to protect Vonelle, did

indeed anger me. I later realized and understood however that

the same instinct I displayed at the maternity hospital when

Josiah died was indeed the same paternal and even maternal

instinct Vonelles mom was exerting.

I retired to bed later this night awaiting the morning time to give

God new praise and continue with my prayer and fasting in

anticipation of visiting with my wife.

Thursday 27Thursday 27Thursday 27Thursday 27thththth


The reservoir of strength appears to be running dry this

morning. So many negative thoughts are running through my

mind. For this is the first time I awoke and visited Vonelle

without a word of encouragement to share with her. I instead

needed a word. The reality just registered and the pain of

watching my wife helpless began to pierce my spirit. I knew that

this freeze in my spirit could not only be detrimental to Vonelle

and me but also to the families and well-wishers who looked to

me for strength. I discovered this morning how much power


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there is in the name of Jesus Christ, I found strength to pray with

her and speak life to her, even in my despair, which soon

disappeared.

I left the community hospital after my visit with Vonelle this

morning and made my way to the maternity hospital to have

Josiahs body transferred to the funeral agency. A spirit of

boldness overcame me to approach the throne of God Believing

in faith, causing me to praise, worship and pray with energy and

sustained effort like never before. I prayed from Mt. Hope to

Cocorite for about one hour and ten minutes during the evening

rush hour traffic. Im sure God spoke to me this evening and itwas there and then I realized how important and the difference

that prayer with fasting makes when communicating with God

the Father, through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, Gods

Son.

My evening visit with Vonelle was a good one after such a throne

room experience. I didnt say much to Vonelle, still

unconscious, but deep in my spirit I knew I didnt have to saymuch this evening. I felt the comfort of knowing the Holy Spirit

was ministering to Vonelle even in this moment.

Satan doesnt give up easily you know. As Vonelles family

visited and we declared her healing and at this time when we all

should be united, I begin to feel aggression and resentment

towards them. Two nurses on the ward at the time used by God

ministered me back into Christian wisdom and values and I

quickly overcame the selfishness that consumed me. I conceded

that I along with all our relatives were equal stakeholders in this

situation. I asked for the families forgiveness.

At 9:55 pm I concluded tonights writing and begin to seek the

face of God. Having already read my bible as my daily

devotional had me do, I thanked God for keeping Vonelle in


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perfect health and peace, our families in perfect peace and

myself in perfect faith.

Friday 28Friday 28Friday 28Friday 28thththth


Last night I prayed reverently asking God to speak to me, to

show me a character in the bible that sinned in the worst ways

and became transformed from an encounter with Christ.

Furthermore, to show me this character who went on to lead a

life as a powerful servant of God. As I awoke this morning I was

lead in the Holy Spirit to Philippians chapter 2 verses 14 which

reads, In everything you do, stay away from complaining andIn everything you do, stay away from complaining andIn everything you do, stay away from complaining andIn everything you do, stay away from complaining andaaaarrrrguingguingguingguing.... I chose to read on and the discovered that the author

of this book who was Paul (formerly called Saul) was the

example of the perfect character of whom Id ask God to reveal

to me the night before. God used this example to show me that I

was not the only sinner who could be later used to effect

purpose on the earth.

During the course of the day I was able to obtain permission tocremate the remains of our son Josiahs body and to pick up the

items of clothing necessary for the funeral home to prepare for

the cremation. I chose a cute bear outfit that Vonelle had

purchased previously.

I returned to the SDA Community hospital at approximately

4:30 pm after the appointment with the funeral director was

cancelled for tomorrow. My first attempt to see Vonelle was

futile. It wasnt until 6:00 pm I had the opportunity to visit my

wife after both our mothers had visited with her. I had time only

however to tell her how much I still loved her and how much

God loved her and also declared Gods power over her.

Remembering Gods power to deliver Israel from slavery in

Egypt and his power to raise Christ from the dead and into

Heaven and Christs ability to bring Lazarus back to life, I


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declared with authority the healing power of the blood of the

Lamb over Vonelle. I had to leave the room after this for the

doctors attending to begin x-ray tests and a host of other checks

they would routinely perform.

From here on I spent the evening entertaining visitors and

stealing a look at Vonelle ever so often through the crack of the

door opening until the visitors left and I eventually retired to bed

at midnight.

Saturday 29Saturday 29Saturday 29Saturday 29thththth April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.

I awoke at 8:00 am after tossing and turning in bed for the last

four hours, gave thanks to Jehovah God for this day and

commenced my daily diary logging of todays experience. On

Friday 28th

I was inspired by God to find the most soothing

scripture, Philippians 2:14 Do all things without complainingDo all things without complainingDo all things without complainingDo all things without complaining

and arguingand arguingand arguingand arguing.... Gods wants us to endure whatever situation we

encounter with a spirit and attitude of faithfulness, believing that

he is God and there is nothing we go through that he isntalready aware of.

Today as I visited with Vonelle at about 10:30 am and began

speaking, immediately Vonelle began to react to the sound of

my voice. My mother was also present in the room and as I

spoke to her she smiled from ear to ear showing all her teeth,

even attempting to speak, making larger gasps for breath and a

deep piercing stare from her jaundiced yellow eyes penetrated

through my soul. My spirit was grossly enriched as this response

was unprecedented in the six previous days of her comatose

state. So much so of a surprise it was that my Mom and the

nurses present were all very elated at the situation; so much joy

abounded that they all expressed how happy they were.

Although I have recently felt a sense of animosity from the


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persons who I expected to support me through this situation, I,

nevertheless, called Vonelles home to tell them of the good

news. Im smiling now because I know that all is well with

Vonelle.

After visiting with Vonelle and accompanied by my mother, we

journeyed to Couva (an upcoming town in central Trinidad), to

attend to the appointment with the Funeral Director attending

for the preparation of Josiahs cremation. After settling the

financial terms and handling that responsibility as a good father

should seek after his sons interest, we were invited to see his

body. His lifeless, cold, body lay neatly wrapped in a blanket forme to hold, looking as though his mother had just bathe him

and about to breast feed him; my son looked as though he was

asleep and at this point I couldnt believe he was actually dead.

Tears sprung to my eyes and I fought to retain them from

streaming down my face. As my mom observed his resemblance

with me and played with his hands and feet I couldnt help but

imagine how blessed as parents Vonelle and I would have been, were we graced with Josiahs presence in our lives for a little

while longer.

When my mom held him in her arms she began to cry,

meanwhile I was taking pictures of my son. I then embraced my

son for the very first time and desperately needed Vonelle to

have this experience also even before I did. Josiah felt so alive in

my arms. I had my mom take more photos for the preservation

of his memory for when his mother recovered from the coma. I

felt duty bound to do this as giving Vonelle the closure she

would soon need, not having the opportunity and experience to

embrace Josiah. As her husband and partner as a parent I felt

confident and justified that I represented Vonelle as a mother to

Josiah Davis.


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We left the funeral home with the satisfaction that justice was

served on my grief and assisted in providing a cushion for

Vonelle to overcome her grief with more strength and resolve. I

left behind a cute outfit for Josiah, his mothers favorite. It was a

full body teddy bear suit we called Onesy splashed with colors

and animal characters and finished with a little head cap with

two ears on it.

On the way back to the hospital I remembered that I had ran

out of underwear so we visited a male apparel store to purchase

some then I dropped Mom off at the family home, for the first

time since the 24th

April after she came into the country onhearing of Josiahs death. I felt my mothers sorrow and her

sympathy towards us (Vonelle and I). When I returned to the

hospital and immediately sought after Vonelle but I had to wait

because she was undergoing muscular physiotherapy. Because

she was bedridden for the past six days in a coma, Vonelle

needed every bit of exercise she could get.

When I did get to see Vonelle it was after her mother, sistersand their guests did. I went in to see her before the shift had

changed over and the same nurses that witnessed her miracle

response to me this morning were again present on duty. They

warned me about exciting Vonelle again like I did this morning

since I brought some sense of familiarity to her. Vonelle though

was fast asleep for as I spoke words of love and prayed with her,

I could tell that her sub-conscience was soaking in everything I

said, to be replayed at another time. I left the room for about

thirty minutes to resettle in my room at the hospital and

returned at 7:30 pm to tell my wife goodnight.

All her vital signs were better than the days before, in fact, they

were the best the nurses had reported thus far. I kissed my

hands and touched her forehead, hands and feet. I said to her

goodnight and declared a word from God over her, instructing


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her in responding to the miracle power Jesus had given us to

overcome.

I retired to my room to sleep but instead wrote to you todays

account that you just read. I guess now I can read the scriptures

then retire to bed. I can sleep sweetly tonight because God has

given me a reason to do so. He has strengthened me and

increased my faith by demonstrating his power to me and for

Vonelle today-8:20 pm.

Sunday 30Sunday 30Sunday 30Sunday 30thththth April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.April 2006.

One of the three mobile telephones I operated all week long

rang early, at about 7:45 am, awaking me. It was my mom calling

to enquire of my welfare. Soon afterwards, Vonelles mother

called with an invitation for me to attend church with her as

ministered to her. I declined the invitation to attend the service

and rightly so because approximately forty minutes later, in

walks Vonelles father, intoxicated and accompanied with his

mistress. This was his way of dealing with the situation and I hadto be there to support him as well as his daughter.

As a husband I had let my guard down before by the simplest of

sinful nature and it was up to me to not be caught off guard a

second time. I was determined to be her priest, prophet,

protector in the spiritual, emotional and physical realms. You

see I couldnt trust anybody around my wife, definitely not her

father in his present state and his companion who I didnt know

of. I entered the intensive care unit where my wife was housed

and began to pray and invite the presence of the lord to saturate

the atmosphere. What if I had emotionally chosen to attend

church this evening, I would not have been able to supervise the

operations around Vonelles bedside and speak against every ill-

intentioned demon force.


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After my wifes father had the opportunity to visit with her, his

first born daughter, his very right as a father, I then continued to

speak with her. Her hair was groomed in an upright pony tail,

her eyebrows were neatly marked as with a razor blade and she

was wearing a sexy lip gloss. It seemed as if she was prepared for

a special time with me! I did not hesitate to tell her how

beautiful and sexy she was and how she really appealed to me

this evening. Then I prayed, declared healing over her body and

touched her breasts, massaged her arms, legs and stroked her

forehead. She was still my wife, the one I often made love with

and I just couldnt resist touching her.

Vonelle began smiling, I could tell she was happy for my visit

this morning and then that I was stepping away for a while, to

return later, in order to allow her to have some rest. At this time

I am confident that my decision to remain at the hospital at my

wifes side this morning was the right decision to make. I felt in a

good spirit on being able to cover her with my prayer and love

and to see her respond in such a way that no one else witnessed

but me, thank God for this experience. Soon after I left herbedside Vonelles family, her mother and two sisters arrived. I

testified of her progress. Also visiting at this time was a friend

from church who came to support us. Two by two they were

instructed to visit with Vonelle and each came out the ICU with

smiles on their faces. It turns out Vonelle is very receptive this

morning.

As the evening passed on further attempts to visit with Vonelle

proved futile as doctors and nurses prohibited such as a result of

the high level of Vonelles response to the presence of her loved

ones at her bedside. The doctor informed me that she was

becoming very restless and ready to awake from her slumber. In

fact they informed me that they had cause to further sedate her

in an attempt to prevent her from tugging at the various tubes

connected to her body. Sedation was necessary because she


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could not yet breathe on her own due to the lung failure and her

continued reliance on the respirator.

The bible speaks in Deuteronomy chapter 11 verses 8 to 32

about the blessings of obedience and the promises attached to

that obedience. Im confident that Vonelle, I and our future

generations will benefit from this act of obedience today. I

needed all the comforting I could get but I neglected the

comfort from the family and everyone else at church to pick up

my shield and cover my wife. The time is now exactly 12:00

noon, 30 seconds past.

After sleeping for almost four hours, I awoke and am now

outside sitting in the lawn grassed area at the front of the

hospital. I am able to meditate on the word of God (the Bible)

and make some notes as I was led to. My family which included

my father, mother, sister and niece came to visit at about 5:00

pm. We all sat under a tree until about 6:00 pm then we all went

inside to visit with Vonelle. What we witnessed then was

extremely remarkable. Vonelle seemed awake with both eyes wide open. In fact she was so active that she seemed to be

attempting to remove the needles and tubes stuck in her flesh.

The doctors and nurses had to restrain her limbs unto the

bedsides to prevent her from causing pain to herself. We were

ecstatic to say the least, thankful to God also for working in his

mighty and powerful way and for working in Vonelles favor.

My family left the hospital and not to long after Vonelles family

left also. I retired to my room happy and confident that God was

indeed working in Vonelle, to will and to do his good

pleasure. (Philippians 2:13).


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Monday 1Monday 1Monday 1Monday 1stststst May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.

I awoke this morning with mixed emotions. It is 9:00 am and

Im caught in the middle of two realms.

Realm One: Happiness and Enthusiasm emanating from

Vonelles progress made yesterday and the anticipation that she

will wake soon and

Realm Two: Sadness and Grief. Today at 1:00 pm our son

Josiah Davis will be cremated. Im saddened, extremely so

because his mother never had the opportunity to embrace himbefore he died and now he was being cremated before her

recovery.

Can a solution to my dilemma be found? I would hurriedly

embrace this solution. One cannot imagine how broken I feel.

The responsibility and consequence of the action Im taking to

cremate Josiahs remains at this time, without his mothers

knowledge, is one Id have to live with for the remainder of ourlives. The faith to believe that Vonelle will understand what I

have chosen to do; I do it out of necessity and in selflessness. By

God in Heaven, if there is any other available way of preserving

our sons body for his mother to see, I would do it.

I visited with Vonelle at about 11:15 am and like the evening

before, she was bubbling with activity. Vonelle was doing great.

The platelet count in her blood as well as the actual blood cell

count was excellent. The only area of her health that needed to

show improvement was the lung infection which was clearing

slowly and all vitals otherwise were stable according to the doctor

and she was demonstrating a desire to wake up. I told her that I

was stepping out for a short moment and I subsequently left the

hospital to attend Josiahs farewell.


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I made my way back to my room at the hospital to make ready

for the cremation service. On arrival at the crematorium, it was

surprising to see the tremendous show of support from family,

friends, co-workers and parishioners who attended the

celebration of Josiahs short life. At the end of the service I led

my son off to the incinerator whilst tears streamed and sobs of

farewell echoed from our families and friends. The service

though, was one to remember as Josiahs life was truly

appreciated and duly celebrated. I thanked the Funeral Director

for performing an excellent service in the absence of my Apostle

and spiritual covering. I thanked her also for preparing Josiahs

body to look its cutest best!

I returned to the hospital were I practically now resided, and

observing my wrist-watch at 3:40 pm, I retire to bed to seek a

much needed rest from the days activity.

I didnt get the opportunity to sleep; not for one minute. My

family came by to visit us at 4:30 pm until 6:30 pm followed by

the arrival of Vonelles family and other well wishers from ourchurch. While our friends from church visited we witnessed the

dead body of a patient being carried out from the Intensive Care

Unit, the same place Vonelle had been warded, to the mortuary.

This was the second death I witnessed in my already ten day stay

at the hospital.

At around midnight when our visitors were about to leave, I

stole a peek at Vonelle to say goodnight. She was still a bundle

of activity as has been the case recently, moving her head from

side to side and kicking her feet as though she was readying to

walk a mile and a half! These were excellent signs of progress

and they made me happy. Everyone is gone now and as I retire

to bed its now 12:25 am Tuesday morning. I can now sleep easy.

With Josiah cremated and Vonelle well on the way to recovery, I

had everything to rejoice over.


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Tuesday 2Tuesday 2Tuesday 2Tuesday 2ndndndnd May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.

As the previous day closed with a good report, so to also today

begin. After waking I take a bath and devoted myself to prayer, I

could feel the release thereafter that Vonelle would make

significant progress today. I made my way to the Intensive Care

Unit to say my daily tidings to Vonelle and to declare Gods

power over her life. That I did with total confidence and

conviction of heart. I wasnt allowed to stay for very long; in fact

this visit lasted all but five minutes.

Vonelle was resting comfortably and maybe she needed thistime to rest up and communicate with her Creator. I left for the

day soon after to pay some bills and attend to the insensitivities

of some of our business clients. The reality that business was

unsympathetic hit me, on realizing how heartless one client

proved, extending very little grace, even during this difficult time.

I returned to the hospital after visiting the office and picking up

new items of clothing at around 5:00 pm. On my arrival I took apeek into Vonelles room and was blessed to see her moving her

head and feet. The doctor greeted me then and proceeded to

inform me of my wifes progress, as follows:

- Oxygen Saturation stable and in the high 90s- Jaundice and Berebulin levels decreasing significantly- Lung infection clearing quickly with an excellent x-ray

report earlier and

- Continued demonstration of wanting to awake.I tried soon after to visit with her again but was unsuccessful in

this attempt; however her father did pass by and had a peek at

his daughter. He was too afraid to speak to her and asked that I

tell her that he was here. Within the ten days gone by, I must

admit that today has been my most calm day, even after the


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cremation of our son. I continue to credit and thank God daily

for his generous provision of strength and guidance.

I was granted my right to visit with Vonelle at 7:30 pm. What a

relief and a lovely sight to behold. My wife was now at an 80%

reliance on the life support machines and all her vital signs were

quite stable. Increased body movement was also a motivator for

me and I know I would now be able to sleep easily tonight.

Vonelles family nor my own didnt visit this evening and for

justified reasons they provided and which I accepted. Three

persons however, visited the hospital at some minutes past nine

oclock, two of these people were on my least likely to visit listfor my own suspicions. I didnt allow any of these visitors to

enter Vonelles room and a peek through the glass pane of the

door was all I allowed.

Wednesday 3Wednesday 3Wednesday 3Wednesday 3rdrdrdrd

May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.

At precisely 3:00 am I was arrested in the Spirit and awoke

crying and travailing. After worshipping, praying and crying outto Father God on Vonelles behalf and on my own behalf also, I

began to understand what was really taking place around me. An

unfriendly spirit was roaming the hospital and I had been

awoken to pray and cover my wife. After one hour of praying,

just as the presence of the roaming spirit arrived and I awoke, I

fell back to sleep in the same sudden manner until I re-opened

my eyes at 8:00 am when I began todays writing with this

account.

Whilst writing I had a light breakfast and paused briefly to take a

bath, before I set of to check in on Vonelle. Today is already

proving to be a frustrating one for me. In fact, the most

frustrating day of all my stay here. I was only able to see Vonelle

through a crack in the door, where I stole a peek. Soon after

though, I left the hospital to pay some bills and after returning


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from these activities, I still find it a problem to get a visitation

with my wife. The nurses excuses were that a new patient was

admitted to the ward and they had to quarantine the area. It is

now 6:25 pm and I hope that I will get the opportunity to see

and speak to my wife as well as to get an update of her progress

today.

At 7:00 pm I was finally allowed to see my beautiful wife and

this made me really happy. When I announced my presence,

she responded with a smile. I then declared again, Gods healing

power and as usual I complimented her on how beautiful she

was. I stood over my wife full of faith, expecting that very soonshe will be up and about Gods business.

Vonelles mother and two of her sisters had left prior to me

going in to see her. Her mother had a brief chat with me though

and she left some information for me to read and with which to

educate myself. Im thankful for the inspirational reading

materials. On leaving Vonelles room I had a visit from a dear

brother in the Lord and as always he encouraged me so much,even more so than the men who professed to be spiritual fathers

and brothers to me, (no disrespect intended).

It is 11:45 pm, I took a last peek into Vonelles room for the

night, declared sweet sleep over her and retire to my bed now to

seek Gods face and get some sleep.

Thursday 4Thursday 4Thursday 4Thursday 4thththth

May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.

I had a long rest during the night and I awoke at 9:45 am this

morning. By the time I prayed, ate and got dressed, it was

already 11:00 am, at which time I proceeded to Vonelles room.

You see I had gotten so accustomed to sleeping with her in the

same bed, that I had taken it for granted that it was indeed a

pleasure to see her first thing in the morning. When I got to her


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room I was only allowed five minutes for visitation. The nurses

were making preparations for the physiotherapist to begin his

daily exercise session with Vonelle. These sessions as I was

informed, became necessary to prevent muscular dystrophy

(wasting of the muscles). I prayed with Vonelle and told her of

Gods promise to her which is, to have life and have it to the

full. I told her again how pretty she looked this morning and

then I told her todays date and the time.

After leaving the hospital to pay some bills and taking care of

some client needs, I returned to the hospital at 4:30 pm. The

oldest of Vonelles sisters was already here and her motherarrived shortly thereafter. They had not yet been afforded the

opportunity to see Vonelle but I was determined that we all

would see her soon.

I did not get to see Vonelle; in fact none of us present had the

opportunity until later the evening. What I saw on entry of the

room disturbed me, I was startled. By now I had learnt to read

and interpret all the machines connected to Vonelles body. Allthe vital signs were wrong and very negative. I began to pray on

these observations for the vitals to improve quickly. I spoke

words of life into my wifes hearing. When I looked at her eyes,

they (the eyeballs) were extremely jaundiced and swollen, almost

to bursting. All who visited including Vonelles family and those

from my family also, agreed that she didnt look her usual best.

After this episode I went back to my room to meditate and

ponder on what I just observed, disturbed and enquiring of the

Almighty.

At approximately 9:30 pm the senior doctor attending to

Vonelle came down to my room. This is a very strange

occurrence since it was unusual for doctors to come to the

rooms of live in relatives. He informed me in the Following:

Vonelles condition has suddenly worsened and that from a


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medical standpoint, we have done all that we could possibly do

since she is receiving all the medications required but simply just

not responding to the treatment.

Knowing exactly what the good doctor was implying, I calmly

thanked him for his efforts and as soon as he left the room I

began making calls to inform the family, friends, intercessors

and everyone else I could remember praying for us. By 10:30

pm the gathering of support at the hospitals waiting room was

tremendous. People I never knew were present. Our families

made the journey back to the hospital and we all began praising

and worshipping God for the better part of two hours.

The devil tried to raise his ugly head when I almost had a

confrontation with the leadership of the church I attended and

this nearly caused the session to erupt into a fracas before he

decided to leave the hospital in an attempt to preserve the

peace. I understood now more that ever that I had a

responsibility to preserve the holiness of my wife before God

and at this delicate moment in her life I was no longer preparedto toe the line. I instead chose to step out of the line and

become the prophet, priest and the king in this situation.

Even though most visitors remained at the hospital tonight, I

returned to my bed at 12:30 am Friday morning. When I lay

down to rest, I could feel as though someone was watching me.

Throughout the early morning hours I could barely sleep. Each

time I settled into a sleep, I was awoken by the aerie presence

that seemed to be hovering over me.

Friday 5Friday 5Friday 5Friday 5thththth

May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.May 2006.

I awoke early this morning and sought the Lords face as had

become my daily ambition. Soon afterwards, people I knew little

of started showing up to join with the family in the praise and


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worship that was still ongoing on Vonelle and the other patients

behalf. It was now 8:00 am. As we prayed and worshipped God,

I guess all of us, especially me, had a sudden jolt in our

expression of faith. We prayed even more reverently and with a

renewed passion and confidence.

The Unexpected!The Unexpected!The Unexpected!The Unexpected!

At 9:50 am as we were still praying, a nurse whom I

remembered attending to Vonelle, entered the waiting room

where we were conducting our session. She gently tapped me on

my shoulder as if not to disturb me, asking my audience withDoctor Spann who was awaiting me in Vonelles room. As I

approached the room, I could already hear the continuous

beeping noise, (the flat line noise we hear in the movies when

someone at hospital dies), being sounded from the assortment

of life support machines in her room.

Already in denial and hurt, the doctor said to me in a very sad

tone of voice, words I would never forget for as long as I lived.His exact words to me were: Im really, really sorry but herIm really, really sorry but herIm really, really sorry but herIm really, really sorry but her

heart just stopped beating. Vonelle really fought but we lostheart just stopped beating. Vonelle really fought but we lostheart just stopped beating. Vonelle really fought but we lostheart just stopped beating. Vonelle really fought but we lost

her.her.her.her.

At this very moment I felt as though my entire existence had

crumbled around me. I calmly said words of thanks to the

doctor and the staff present and asked to see my wifes body. As

I held Vonelles life-less feet, I asked her very angrily why she

gave up; why she died on me? I left the room with tears welled

up in my eyes unable to cry audibly and as I made my way back

into the prayer circle, I, suddenly being empowered to speak,

uttered aloud: To God be all the Glory because all the Glory isTo God be all the Glory because all the Glory isTo God be all the Glory because all the Glory isTo God be all the Glory because all the Glory is

His!His!His!His! I then proceeded to tell all present that Vonelle had

passed on at approximately 9:45 am, that she had left us and that

Gods will had prevailed over ours!


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Reactions of grief struck so swiftly and severe. Screams mixed

with weeping filled the air. Eventually all present were allowed to

have a final look at Vonelle and to say farewell before the

coroner was called to remove the body for an autopsy to be

performed. I used this opportunity to telephone those who

visited throughout this period to inform them of the tragedy and

loss of their dear friend. The subsequent stream of visitors that

came to the hospital was unbelievable, in the worst way. I was

angered more to see people who never contacted me

throughout this ordeal and those who never visited showing up

to visit at Vonelles death bed. I immediately sank further into arealm of disbelief, anger, hurt and grief.

The family and close friends also expressed how they felt about

this late show of support by some. I escaped to my room and

while waiting on the funeral agency to arrive, I began to pack my

belongings to leave alongside my wife. I did say on her

admittance that I was not leaving until she did, unfortunately,

she was leaving dead and I alive. I was somewhat happy andappreciative however, that my spiritual father did return to the

hospital to console me on hearing the news of Vonelles death.

AnotAnotAnotAnother Unexpected!her Unexpected!her Unexpected!her Unexpected!

As I was packing word came to me that my mother had suffered

a heart attack in the waiting room where we were keeping our

prayer session. At this time I could only feel that I would lose

everyone that mattered to me. First my only son, then my wife

and now my mother. Imagine being caught between having to

escort my wife out the hospital to the mortuary and my mother

to the emergency ward at the same time. The coroners

understood my plight and held on for a few minutes so that I

could see that my mother was attended to before they left. I was

able to see Vonelle off but I didnt leave because of the new


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situation with mom.

The doctors attending to my mother, after diagnosing the

situation, informed us that she had suffered a very mild heart

attack and that they had to administer some medication and had

to put her in a sleep for an hour to allow her to rest and de-

stress. Even after the body left the hospital and mom was awoke,

visitors still streamed into the hospital, we had really lost a good

soul, and I had lost a good wife, friend and lover, gone to soon!

Conclusion:Conclusion:Conclusion:Conclusion: What you have just read was indeed the daily

transcription of my diary during this period. Now that you knowwhat it was like walking through the valley, I now invite you to

read further to discover the lessons I learned while I passed on

through.


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SECTION TWOSECTION TWOSECTION TWOSECTION TWO

LOOKING BACK AFTER BEINGLOOKING BACK AFTER BEINGLOOKING BACK AFTER BEINGLOOKING BACK AFTER BEING

WARNED.WARNED.WARNED.WARNED.


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LOOKING BACK AFTER BEING WARNED.LOOKING BACK AFTER BEING WARNED.LOOKING BACK AFTER BEING WARNED.LOOKING BACK AFTER BEING WARNED.

Meanwhile, Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon,a man who had leprosy. During supper, a woman came

in with a beautiful jar of expensive perfume and poured

it over his head. The disciples were indignant when they

saw this. What a waste of money, they said. She could

have sold it for a fortune and given the money to the poor.

But Jesus replied, why berate her for doing such a good thing

to me? You will always have the poor among you but Iwill not be here with you much longer. She has poured

this perfume on me to prepare my body for burial. I assure

you, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the

world, this womans deed will be talked about in her memory!

Matthew 26: 6-13

As I look back after the funeral and after everyone has gone

back to attending to their lives, I suddenly have a lot of alone

time to reflect and question God, seeking answers to what had

happen to me, a real Job experience I reckoned, though nothing

that occurred was making any apparent logic to me. Two weeks

of severe depression could have been enough to send anyone

insane but as I look back now at the warning I could make sense

of what took place.

I could remember lying in bed for these two weeks, I did not

bathe, shave, eat or sleep during this period and one can

imagine the stink and the depressed mental condition I was in.

Like the disciples in the opening passage of scripture, I realized

that I had been forewarned of the situation that befell me, that

is, the death of my family but I was blinded to understanding the

revelation.


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It began on the Sunday before Easter Monday. While applying

the final coat of paint to the babys room, with the expectancy of

Josiah at any day now, Vonelle made two requests of me. Her

first request was for me to stop working, take a bath and come

make loveto her. She said she was in that mood and needed

my intervention, as was her right as my wife. Secondly, she asked

that after our moment of passion, she would like to go to the

beach; to Blanchiseusse Village on the North Coast, where she

spent a lot of her childhood vacationing at her fathers relatives.

I was too engrossed in finishing the baby room and I neglectedto fulfill both her requests of me. Oh how I regret those

decisions looking back now. I never had the opportunity to

physically romance my wife again and it is a regret I live with to

this day. Anyway, Easter Monday rolled around and again

Vonelle asked to be taken to the beach at her fathers

hometown. She was so persistent and kept disrupting me

working on the room for Josiah that I eventually ceded to her

requests. When a pregnant woman craves for something, I waslearning to give in to her, whatever she requests.

We reached the Maracas Bay at approximately 2:00 pm but she

did not want to be in Maracas and asked to be taken where she

requested. We met up with her sister and her sisters boyfriend

and journeyed further up road. We arrived at La Fillete Village,

a small village before our destination at approximately 3:30 pm.

On reaching La Fillet, Vonelle expressed that it was getting late

and she could settle for coming this far. We found a secluded

beach and I had a bath before journeying back along the main

road to our way home.

Vonelles action that hereby followed baffled me to the point

where I was confused but supported her nonetheless. Still in La

Fillete Village, Vonelle alighted from the vehicle and began


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almost spontaneously to visiting the homes of every villager she

knew from her childhood. She walked from house to house as I

drove slowly behind her, to the community center and

basketball court also greeting everyone she knew and didnt see

for a long time passed. After satisfying herself and I guess

becoming exhausted from the walking, being nine months

pregnant, she re-entered the vehicle, sayingI had to do what II had to do what II had to do what II had to do what I

just did Akino.just did Akino.just did Akino.just did Akino.We then made our way home.

Looking back now I can associate her actions with those of that

woman who poured the expensive perfume on Jesus head. Like

the disciples I complained at the waste of resources, in this case,a waste of time, since our journey home to Tacarigua was a long

one. After we got home, settled down and had dinner, Vonelle

ask me the most appropriate but unusual question. She asked,

Babes when was the last time we read our Bible together?Babes when was the last time we read our Bible together?Babes when was the last time we read our Bible together?Babes when was the last time we read our Bible together? I

responded, A long time girlA long time girlA long time girlA long time girland asked her to bring a Bible for

me.

Vonelle returned with my Bible, the one I valued the mostbecause she had bought it as a gift for me. She sat next to me on

the sofa and opened the Holy Book. The Bible was opened on

Job chapter one, almost as if Vonelle had a bookmarker at that

page. I proceeded to read chapters one and two and on

completion I said to Vonelle, Girl I just realized that whenGirl I just realized that whenGirl I just realized that whenGirl I just realized that when

everything befell Job it happened all at once.everything befell Job it happened all at once.everything befell Job it happened all at once.everything befell Job it happened all at once.You see I had just

realized that after reading this story so often that all of Jobs

drama took place within one day, for while one servant was

giving a bad report, another came with a bad report. And while

that servant was sharing his report another came with bad news.

We prayed together and retired to bed at 9:30 pm.

During the night I passed my hand on the bed and realized that

Vonelle was not in bed. I searched the bathroom but found her

sitting in the dark of the living room. She was crying, I switched


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on the lights and realized it was 11:00 pm. I naturally asked if

she was ok and Vonelle responded by uttering a phrase that

haunts me even up to today, her reply was: Im ready!Im ready!Im ready!Im ready! My

immediate reaction was that the baby was coming and I hastened

to have Vonelle ready and I took her to the hospital. She neverShe neverShe neverShe never

returned home!returned home!returned home!returned home!

Vonelle never said what she was ready for and it is at this time

that the walk through the Valley begins for me as the details in

my diary (chapter one) explains. All the signs were clear and

visible but the scales on my eyes, like Saul of Tarsus, were thick

and blinding me from the realities that were awaiting me.Looking Back After Being Warned I now understand the

reality, why I didnt recognize the signs. It is here, at this juncture

that I learned the most valuable lesson along this journey called

Recovery. I realized that I didnt have a personal relationship

with Jehovah God, I knew about him but not who he personally

was and this cost me dearly.

I can now understand why Jesus had to put his Disciples mindsat ease when they saw the woman anoint him with the perfume.

You see, they didnt recognize who he was and maybe didnt

have a very personal relationship with him because they did not

understand what was taking place by the womans action. In the

same way, I didnt recognize what was happening when Vonelle

alighted the vehicle at La Fillete and greeted everyone she knew.

She was preparing for departure from this earth in almost the

same way that Jesus was preparing to leave earth when he had

dinner with Simon who had leprosy and I too realize that I really

didnt know until this time whom and whose Vonelle was; An

Angel of God!

Question:

- Have you ever had warning signs you ignored that led to atragedy?


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Question:

- Do you really understand who God is and do you have apersonal relationship with him?

Question:

- Do you truly know who our loved ones are and why they graceyour life?


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SECTION THREESECTION THREESECTION THREESECTION THREE

ABANDONMENT, GUILT ANDABANDONMENT, GUILT ANDABANDONMENT, GUILT ANDABANDONMENT, GUILT AND

SELFSELFSELFSELF----CONDEMNATION.CONDEMNATION.CONDEMNATION.CONDEMNATION.


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FROM SONSHIP TO A BASTARD.FROM SONSHIP TO A BASTARD.FROM SONSHIP TO A BASTARD.FROM SONSHIP TO A BASTARD.

When Josephs brothers saw him coming, they recognizedhim in the distance and made plans to kill him

Judah said to the others, Lets sell Joseph to those

Ishmaelite traders. Lets not be responsible for his death,

after all, he is our brother! And his brothers agreed.

Genesis 37: 18, 26 27.

Be prepared to be sold off, abandoned and discarded when youencounter your periods of sorrow. I had a rude awakening to

this reality and in more ways than one, this reality has proven

more priceless to me than any other of the experiences I had. If

we recall in Genesis 37 and in the following chapters, Joseph, a

young man who shared his dreams with his brothers almost lost

his life for doing so, in fact they sold him off. Imagine what it

feels like to be left alone, without support, when the ones you

trust the most, leaves you for dead.

Joseph was suddenly removed from his fathers house and left

without a covering, without his fathers love and affection. He

suddenly moved from Sonship to being a Bastard!Sonship to being a Bastard!Sonship to being a Bastard!Sonship to being a Bastard!From being

the most loved of his brothers by his father to being forgotten.

Not that I was the most loved in the environment I enjoyed but

being a leader in the ranks, I thought that holding such aposition added value to my contribution towards the success of

those I supported. I realized that it is easy for people to abandon

you, even try to assassinate you (and your character) when they

feel threatened, for whatever reason. This is the same reason

Josephs brothers had plotted to kill him, he had dreams shared

it with them and they foresaw that they would live to serve

Joseph.


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My state of immediate grief and shock and the fact that I thought

I was not afforded the treatment that I expected made me feel

like I had moved from Sonship to being a Bastard.

This is exactly how I felt. I felt as though I was left to hang,for

the vultures to eat me alive. I was now without a spiritual

covering, that which I trusted with the spiritual responsibility and

nurturing of my family and me. Joseph being abandoned by his

brothers, confused and hurt; I can identify with this historical

recording of bible event.

Though hurt and confused, I began to see things differently. Ibegan to see the hand of providence. You see if Joseph was not

sold off and abandoned by his brothers he would not have been

brought to Potiphars house as a slave. He would not have had

the opportunity to interpret dreams and be promoted. Joseph

would not have gone to prison as I found myself in an emotional

prison likewise and he would not have met with the Pharaoh.

Most importantly, If Joseph didnt encounter the selfishness of

his brothers who sold him; he would not have become thePrime Minister of Egypt.

Likewise if my expectations were not met by those whom I

trusted, I would not have had the experience I gained, I would

not be able to overcome my grief, would not have learned

forgiveness and understanding, I would not have developed a

total reliance in God, Christ and the Holy Spirit and most

significantly I would not be able to testify of Gods grace to me,

the grace which has allowed me to write this book to help those

who lose themselves when others betray their trust.

In the end Josephs brothers all ended in his courtyard, with

Joseph saving them from starvation and they served in his

country. I used this story to demonstrate that when it seems as

though men disown us, God will never forsake us! I truly believe


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that all things work together for the good of those who love

God and are called according to his will for their lives. (Romans

8:28).

From Sonship to a BastardSonship to a BastardSonship to a BastardSonship to a Bastard is probably the harshest road you

would encounter whilst going through the Valley but the early

understanding of the good that follows grief, the silver lining

around the clouds after the rains, is what will guide you along as

it did for me. I was still able to find hope and guidance in the

short term from another man of the cloth just as Joseph did

while at Potiphars house, the guidance that encouraged me to

produce this book. It is essential that we search for these typesof Fathers, the ones that will own up to their responsibility and

take care of their children. The ones who will not leave their

children exposed to be sold into slavery at the most crucial times

of their lives. The father who embraces the success of their sons.

In the end being sold and accepting being a bastard,led me to

realizing that the call on my life was real, has strengthened me to

continually seek for a relationship with the heavenly Father, whowill never disown us! The will of God will never take us whereThe will of God will never take us whereThe will of God will never take us whereThe will of God will never take us where

the grace of Godthe grace of Godthe grace of Godthe grace of God will not protect us,will not protect us,will not protect us,will not protect us, just as it did for Joseph

and it did for me, in the same manner it will happen for you in

Jesus name.

Question:

- How did you deal with being disowned and abandoned?Question:

- Can you bring yourself to forgiving those who betrayed yourtrust in them?

Question:

- Have you come to the place where you can embrace theloneliness and convert it into a blessing?


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Question:

- What is preventing you from reaching this place?- Solve it! Remember 1 Corinthians 10:13 and James 1: 2 7.


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ABANDONING SHIP.ABANDONING SHIP.ABANDONING SHIP.ABANDONING SHIP.

Then the Lord told Abram, Leave your country, yourrelatives and your fathers house and go to the land that I

will show you. I will cause you to become the father of a

great nation. I will bless you and make you famous and

I will make you a blessing to others. I will bless those who

bless you and curse those who curse you. All the families of

the earth will be blessed through you.

Genesis 12: 1-3.

I must admit that when I was inspired to write this book I had

very little idea, in fact I had no idea of where I would end up

after transcribing my diary in chapter one. As I prayed and

sought direction, it has since taken me one year and eight

months to get to this point of writing the manuscript, which was

originally chapter nine before final layout and believe me when I

say that it has not been easy coming. This chapter is a difficult

one writing since it will involve some of my most personal

thoughts.

In writing this chapter I battled with the fears that I may cause

serious injury to the character and reputation of the persons

whose integrity I questioned in the previous chapter as well as

the fear that this chapter may cause me to be on the receivingend of stern condemnation from those offended, and not be

endorsed by those I depend on to endorse this writing.

The fact that this chapter made it to print as part of the final

copy which you now read, is an indication that the works have

been seen for what it is. My truth; expressed as I experienced it.

This chapter,Abandoning ShipAbandoning ShipAbandoning ShipAbandoning Ship, have been at this point the most

challenging to write. Challenging not from an inspirational


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standpoint but it has proven challenging from a standpoint of

integrity. Integrity of the church, its leaders and the ideals of

those leaders who, like the captain of a ship or leader of

Documents

Through the Valley eBook