Brandon Bedore

Thinkery 6 11/13/13

It has been interesting reading Augustine because we share a common beginning. I have

stolen for the sole purpose of doing wrong as he did with the figs. I have used women as objects,

drank, smoked more than what is available behind a gas station counter, and I’ve even heard the

phrase “Give me chastity and continence, just not yet!”1 I have used some similar logic including

the ever faithful “I can stop whenever I want to, I just don’t want to.” I do not believe I was

really thinking much about what I was doing or who I was becoming I just needed to feel

something. It worked for a time, but then it reached a point where it was difficult to recognize

who was on the other side of a mirror. The climactic “holy fuck” moment I had was when I

realized how alike my friend and I had become and how negatively everyone viewed him. It was

then that I relate to what Augustine said about what he saw in a mirror “You stood me face to

face with myself, so that I may see how foul I was, how deformed and defiled, how covered with

stains and sores.” It made me feel terrible that I had been so reckless and so unlike myself that

even I could not recognize myself. It took about a year for me to realize what kind of a path I

was on, not thirty plus years like Augustine but nonetheless it is a horrible place to be and I

decided to change my ways for good this time. This is the moment when Augustine and I

diverge; Augustine found the strength to change through Jesus and I found mine through music. I

cannot foresee a divine salvation, but we will see in thirty years. If I had read Augustine at my

lowest point, I certainly would not have found it comforting. It would be too real to see myself in

such an unflattering light, besides, I have never been a godly man so his faith would be

unappealing to me and I would most likely make snide comments much as Augustine does when

1 All references to The Confessions of St. Augustine are from Augustine Saint, and Ryan John K. The Confessions of Saint Augustine, (New York: Image Books Doubleday, 1960).

his friend receives baptism. My “rebirth” as it were, is not as extreme as Augustine’s was; I am

still a college student I do not have to behave perfectly quite yet. Although where I am today is

dramatically better, much like I assume Augustine’s life is going to turn around in the rest of the

Confessions. So congratulations, Philosophy is actually relatable for college freshmen, crappy

translation and all.