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ROALDDAHL'STHEWITCHES

ADAPTEDBYDAVIDWOOD

PUFFINBOOKS

AnImprintofPenguinGroup(USA)

THEWITCHES

CHARACTERS:BOYGRANDMOTHEREVENTMANAGER/DEPUTYHIGHWITCHGRANDHIGHWITCHBRUNOJENKINSMRSJENKINSMRJENKINSFRENCHWITCHAMERICANWITCHWILLYTHEWAITERITALIANCHEFCOCKNEYCHEFWITCHES

GRANDMOTHER´SWARNINGGrandmothersitsinherarmchair,lightshercigarandaddressestheaudience

Today,children,Iwilltellyouaboutwitches.Infairy-tales,witchesalwayswearsillyblackhatsandcloaks,andtheyrideonbroomsticks.InthemoviestheystudyatHogwartsandsavetheworld.Butthisisnotamovie...ThisisNOTafairy-tale.ThisisaboutREALWITCHES.ThemostimportantthingyoushouldknowaboutREALWITCHESisthis.Listenverycarefully.Neverforgetwhatiscomingnext.REAL

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WITCHESdressinordinary1clothesandlooklikeordinarywomen.TheyliveinordinaryhousesandtheyworkinORDINARYJOBS.Thatiswhytheyaresohardtocatch.AREALWITCHhateschildren.Shespendsallhertimeplottingtogetridofchildren.Itisallshethinksaboutthewholedaylong.‘Whichchild,’shesaystoherself,‘exactlywhichchildshallIchooseformynextsquelching2?’.Squishthemandsquiggle3themandmakethemdisappear.Thatisthemotto4ofallwitches.Awitchnevergetscaught.Awitchisalwaysawoman.Idonotwishtospeakbadlyaboutwomen.Mostwomenarelovelylikeme.Butthefactremainsthatallwitchesarewomen.AREALWITCHiseasilythemostdangerousofallthelivingcreaturesonearth.Whatmakesherdoublydangerousisthefactthatshedoesn’tlookdangerous.Youcanneverbequitesure.Shemightevenbeyourlovelyschool-teacherwhoissittingclosetoyouatthisverymoment.Lookcarefullyatthatteacher.Perhapssheissmilingatthecrazinessofsuchasuggestion5.Don’tletthatfool6you.Itcouldbepartofhercleverness.Iamnot,ofcourse,tellingyouforonesecondthatyourteacheractuallyisawitch.AllIamsayingisthatshemightbeone.Itismostunlikely.Butitisnotimpossible.Oh,ifonlytherewereawayoftellingforsurewhichwitchisawitch,thenwecouldroundthemallupandputtheminthemeat-grinder7andmakeWitchwurst.Unfortunately,thereisnosuchway.Buttherearesomesignsyoucanlookoutfor.Payattentionandlistencarefully,becauseifyoudont...wellsomethingterriblecouldhappentoyou...

REALWITCHES

BOYisinbed,sleeping.Hetossesandturnsalittleandthensuddenlysitsboltupright)BOY:[Ahorrifiedcry]Mama!Papa!No!

GRANDMOTHERgoesovertohimandcomfortsBoy,tryingtocalmhim.GRRANDMOTHER:Don´tworrydarling,youaresafeherewithme.Grandmaishere.BOY:WillIeverseethemagain?MamaandPapa?GRANDMOTHER:Somedaydarling,yes,somedaydarling.

1altäglich2zerdrucken,zermatschen3ErfundenesWort4Wappenspruch5Vorschlag6jmdnbetrügen7Fleischwolf

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BOY:ButImissthemsomuch-GRANDMOTHER:Imissthemtoodarlingbutrightnowyouhavetogetsomerest.Tomorrowwearegoingonholiday,totheseaside.BOY:ButGrandma,canyoutellmeastory…GRANDMOTHER:OhBoy…itislate…BOY:JustonestoryGrandma….pleaseGRANDMOTHER:Well….BOY:Please…GRANDMOTHER:JustoneBOY:JustoneGRANDMOTHER:Ok,okIhaveafunnyoneaboutachicken…Alongtimeago,inmyvillage,therewasalittlegirlIonceknew.HernamewasBirgitSvenson,shelivedjustacrosstheroadfromus.Onedayshestartedgrowingfeathersalloverherbody.BOY:Feathers?GRANDMOTHER:YesFeathers!Withinamonth,shehadturnedintoalargewhitechicken.Herparentskeptherforyearsinapen8inthegarden.Sheevenlaideggs.’BOY:Whatcoloureggs?GRANDMOTHER:Brownones.BiggesteggsI’veeverseeninmylife.Hermothermadeomelettesoutofthem.Delicious9theywere.

BOY:AreyoubeingtruthfulGrandma?Ithinkyouarepullingmyleg10…GRANDMOTHER:Iamnotpullinganything.Thatwasatruestory.BOY:Youswearyouaren’tpullingmyleg?.Youswear11youaren’tjustpretending?’

8Gehege9köstlich10jmdn. auf den Arm nehmen

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GRANDMOTHER:Listen,Ihaveknownnolessthanfivechildrenwhohavesimplyvanished12offthefaceofthisearth,nevertobeseenagain.Thewitchestookthem.BOY:(quietly)Witches…GRANDMOTHER:Iamtryingtomakesureyoudon’tgothesameway13,.IloveyouandIwantyoutostaywithme.Idon´twantyoutoenduplikeSabineChristiansen.BOY:WhathappenedGrandma?WhathappenedtoSabine?GRANDMOTHER:Youdon´tbelievemesowhyshouldItellyou?Andit´stimetosleep.BOY:Ohplease!Grandma,justtellmeplease.Ican´tsleepifIamsocurious…GRANDMOTHER:Ok.TheChristiansenfamily,theylivedintheBlackForest,andtheyhadanoldoil-paintingintheliving-roomwhichtheywereveryproudof.Thepaintingshowedsomeducksintheyardoutsideafarmhouse.Therewerenopeopleinthepainting,justaflock14ofducksonagrassyfarmyardandthefarmhouseinthebackground.Itwasalargepaintingandratherpretty.Well,onedaytheirdaughterSabinecamehomefromschooleatinganapple.Shesaidaniceladyhadgivenittoheronthestreet.ThenextmorninglittleSabinewasnotinherbed.Theparentssearchedeverywherebuttheycouldn’tfindher.Thenallofasuddenherfathershouted,“Theresheis!That’sSabinefeedingtheducks!”Hewaspointingattheoil-painting,andsureenoughSabinewasinit.Shewasstandinginthefarmyardthrowingbreadtotheducks.Thefatherrushed15uptothepaintingandtouchedher.Butthatdidn’thelp.Shewassimplyapartofthepainting,justapicturepaintedonthecanvas.BOY:‘Didyoueverseethatpainting,Grandma,withthelittlegirlinit?GRANDMOTHER:‘Manytimes,andthepeculiar16thingwasthatlittleSabinekeptchangingherpositioninthepicture.Onedayshewouldactuallybeinsidethefarmhouseandyoucouldseeherfacelookingoutofthewindow.Anotherdayshewouldbefarovertotheleftwithaduckinherarms.BOY:Didyouseehermovinginthepicture,Grandma?11schwören12verschwand13dassdasgleichedirpassierenwurde14Schar15drängte16seltsam

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GRANDMOTHER:Nobodydid.Wherevershewas,whetheroutsidefeedingtheducksorinsidelookingoutofthewindow,shewasalwaysmotionless,justafigurepaintedinoils.Itwasallveryodd17.Veryoddindeed.Andwhatwasmostoddofallwasthatastheyearswentby,shekeptgrowingolderandolderinthepicture.Thenallatonce,shedisappearedfromthepicturealtogether.’BOY:Youmeanshedied?GRANDMOTHER:Whoknows?Someverymysteriousthingsgoonintheworldofwitches.

BOY:Withsillyblackhatsandblackcloaks,ridingonbroomsticks?

GRANDMOTHER:No.They'reforfairytales.I'mtalkingofrealwitches.BOY:Realwitches?GRANDMOTHER:Realwitches.Realwitchesdressinordinaryclothesandlookverymuchlikeordinarywomen.That'swhythey'resohardtocatch.BOY:Butwhyshouldwewanttocatchthem?GRANDMOTHER:Because,mydarlingBoy,theyareevil.Theyhatechildren.TheygetthesamepleasurefromsquelchingachildasyougetfromeatingaplatefulofMarzipanandLebkuchen.BOY:Squelching?

[ACTORS mime GRANDMOTHER'S following speech, one playing a witch, theotherhervictim]

GRANDMOTHER: She chooses a victim; softly stalks it. Closer and closer, then ...phwisst!...sheswoops18.

GRANDMOTHER:Andthechilddisappears.Poof!JustlikeBirgitandSabine.BOY:Awitchwouldn’tcomeinthroughmywindowinthenight,wouldshe?GRANDMOTHER:No,awitchwillneverdosillythingslikeclimbingupdrainpipes19orbreakingintopeople’shouses.You’llbequitesafeinyourbed.Comealongdear.I’lltuck20youin.

17seltsam18schnappt19Abzugsrohr20Jemandenzudecken

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Boyliesinbedwide-eyed.BOY:Grandma…..What…well…whatif…well,yousaidtheylooklikeordinarywomen-how…howdoIknowifawitchisactuallyawitch?GRANDMOTHER:Inthefirstplace,aREALWITCHiscertainalwaystobewearinggloves21whenyoumeether.BOY:Surelynotalways,whataboutinthesummerwhenit’shot?’GRANDMOTHER:Eveninthesummer,becauseshedoesn’thavefinger-nails.Insteadoffinger-nails,shehasthincurvyclaws,likeacat,andshewearstheglovestohidethem.BOY:Mammausedtoweargloves-GRANDMOTHER:Notinthehouse,Witchesweargloveseveninthehouse.Theyonlytakethemoffwhentheygotobed.’‘BOY:Howdoyouknowallthis,Grandma?’‘GRANDMOTHER:Don’tinterrupt22.Justtakeitallin.ThesecondthingtorememberisthataREALWITCHisalwaysbald.23BOY: Bald? GRANDMOTHER sings : A REAL WITCH is - Bald as a boiled egg!24

She wears a first-class wig, my fig, and it covers an nasty Wig-rash. And IF you see a woman who nose holes are big,

Then you might want to dash25.

Pulling ladies hair is not the thing to do, even though she’s wearing gloves. But you’d have to tug26 her hair to know who’s who, so watch out, now because -

21Handschuhe22unterbrechen23glatzköpfig24kahlwieeingekochtesEi25abhauen26zerren

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CHORUS: She wears gloves, my love, has large nose holes and no toes, first class wig, she’s bald as a pig. It can be that you’ll see, not just one clue, but two, Then you’ll know, it’s time for you to go!!

VERSE 2: The next clue to know a REAL WITCH is… You can tell by her feet, my sweet, she has no toes. Squishing square stumps27 into narrow28 shoes is her feat, it's amazing she walks and goes -

Searching to pick up the scent, my gent, of stink waves oozing29 from a child. A smell like dog-poo poo tells where he went And it sends her whirling30 wild!

CHORUS: She wears gloves, my love, has large nose holes and no toes, first class wig31, she’s bald as a pig. It can be that you’ll see, not just one clue, but two, then you’ll know, it’s time for you to go!!

VERSE 3: To spot a Witch I think you now can, little man with the help of these clues. Should you see this last one, it is best if you ran, So be sure you wear good shoes!

The last clue is a little wet, my pet, Look real close or this, you won’t get. Just one more and then that’s it, little Brit. A REAL WITCH has blue spit!

27DieStummel28schmal29sickern30wirbelnd31Perücke

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CHORUS: She wears gloves, my love, has large nose holes and no toes, first -class wig, she’s bald as a pig If you’re quick, then you’ll see she has blueish32 spit. Look out lad33 ! You better run like mad!!!

(Thedancersrushoffstage)BOY:Grandma...GRANDMOTHER:Yes?[Shelightsanotherthincigar]BOY:ArethereanywitchesinEngland?GRANDMOTHER:Ofcourse.EverycountryhasitsownSecretSocietyofWitches.BOY:I'msureIwon'tmeetone.GRANDMOTHER:Isincerelyhopeyouwon't.Englishwitchesareprobablythemostviciousinthewholeworld.

BOY:Whatdotheydo?

GRANDMOTHER: Their favourite spell34is tomix up a potion35that turns a childintoacreatureallgrown-upshate.

BOY:Suchas?GRANDMOTHER:Aslug36,Thenthegrown-upssteponandsquishitwithoutknowingit'sachild,maybe.BOY:That’sawful.GRANDMOTHER:That'sEnglishwitchesforyou.

BOY:These…SocietiesofWitches.Dotheyhavemeetings?LikeourChessSocietyatschool?

GRANDMOTHER:Theyhaveanannualmeeting,attendedbytheGrandHighWitchofalltheworld.

32bläulich33Junge34Zauberspruch 35Zaubertrank36Nacktschnecke

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BOY:TheGrandHighWitch!GRANDMOTHER:Well,nowyouknowwhattolookoutfor,andyouaresafewithmeinthishouse.Nowlet´sgetyoubacktosleepGRANDMOTHER:GoodnightnowBoy.BOY:Goodnight,Grandma,

THEGRANDHIGHWITCH

Grandmotherandboyenterwiththeirluggage.

GRANDMOTHER:Ahsmellthatseaairboy!Thisisgoodforthelungs!(startscoughing)[TheEVENTMANAGERcomesoutofthedoorway.Shesniffstheairandstandsattheentrancepompously]EVENTMANAGER:WelcometotheHotelMagnificent!

AguestentersGUEST:BuenaSera!

EVENTMANAGER:Good-day,madam.Straightthroughforthemeeting.

ThedoorisheldopenbytheEVENTMANAGER.TheLADYentersthehotel

Atubby37boyenters..HeiseatingadoughnutGrandmother approaches the reception with her cigar in her mouth, the EVENTMANAGERshowsheranosmokingsign.

EVENTMANAGER:Nosmokingon thepremisesplease.Madamemaysmokeoverthereifshewishes.

TheEVENTMANAGERtakesherbagsinside.BoyseesBrunoplayinginthegarden.Boyisverycarefullyholdingaboxwithholesinthetopofit.BOY:Hello

37pummelig

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BRUNO:(greedily)Whatyougotinthere?Somethingtoeat?Giveussome.

BOY:I'vebeentothepetshop.Grandmagavemesomemoney.BRUNO:What'veyougot?

BOY:Whitemice.I'mgoingtocallthemWilliamand….Kate.BRUNO:Boring.GuesswhatpetsIgot.BOY:What?BRUNO:SnakesandcrocodilesBOY:Oh?BRUNO:GonnamakemealeatherjacketBOY:Oh.BRUNO:(Concentratingonhismagnifying-glass38now)Betmydadearnsmorethanyours.BOY:Probably.BRUNO:Howmanycarshashegot,yourdad?BOY:None.BRUNO:Mine'sgotthree.

BOY:Whatareyoudoingwiththatmagnifying-glass?BRUNO:RoastingwormsBOY:That'shorrible.Stopit.

[Hetriestograbthemagnifying-glass]BRUNO:Here.Getaway.Shoveoff.

[Ascuffle39breaksout]

38Lupe39Handgemenge/Rauferei

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[MRSJENKINSenters,carryingapaperbag]MRSJENKINS:'Bruno!

(Shetriestopulltheboysapart)BRUNO:Ow!Mum...

MRSJENKINS:(GoingtoBRUNOandbrushinghimdown)Lookatyou,yourshortsareallgrubby.',BRUNO:Hetriedtonickmymagnifying-glass.

MRSJENKINS:(ToBOY)YoukeepawayfrommylittleBruno,d'youhear?

(GRANDMOTHERreturns)

GRANDMOTHER:(referringtoBruno)Whoareyoucallinglittle?ComeonBoy.Let´sgoinside.

MRSJENKINS:(ToBRUNO)There'syourdoughnut,treasure.(MRSJENKINSoff)

BRUNO:Mum,ithasnoNutellainit…’

[AnotherLADY,TheGRANDHIGHWITCH,enters.Seagullcriesstop.TheEVENTMANAGERturnsandseesher.Shereactsasifmesmerized40byher]

EVENTMANAGER:Good-day,madam.

GRANDHIGHWITCH:[Charming]Good-day.IsthisthecorrecthotelfortheAnnualGeneral Meeting of the Royal Society for the Prevention 41 of Cruelty 42 toChildren?

DOORMAN:Yes,madam,thisistheHotelfortheAnnualGeneralMeeting

oftheRoyalSocietyforthePreventionofCrueltytoChildren.Welcome.[Sheholdsthedooropenforher]

[TheGRANDHIGHWITCHsuddenlystartssniffing,asgenteellyaspossible,andturnstoseethesourceofthestink-waves,whichisBRUNO.Sheapproacheshim]GRANDHIGHWITCH:Yell,hello,littleman.BRUNO:Eh?GRANDHIGHWITCH:Youarelikingyourdoughnut,yes?(BRUNOnods)

40fasziniert41dieVermeidung42Mishandlung,Qualerei

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GRANDHIGHWITCH:Butvothappensvenitisfinished?Vouldyoulikesomechocolate?

[Shehandshimabarofchocolate]

BRUNO:[Enthusiastically]Yeah.[Hebreaksoffapieceandeatsit]

GRANDHIGHWITCH:Good?BRUNO:Great.GRANDHIGHWITCH:Vouldyoulikesomemore?BRUNO:Yeah.GRANDHIGHWITCH:Ivillgiveyousixmorechocolatebarslikethatifyouvillmeetmeintheball-roomofthishotelattventy-fivepastthree.

BRUNO:Sixbars!I'llbethere.

(TheGRANDHIGHWITCHentersthehotel)YoubetI'llbethere!

(Hegreedilystuffsmorechocolateintohismouthasthesceneends)

THEWITCHES'ANNUALMEETING

MUSICplayswhiletheGrandBallroomisbeingsetupfortheAnnualGeneralmeeting.

Boygoesthroughtheauditoriumcarryingaboxwithholesinthelid.Heclimbsontothestage.

SuddenlyweheartheEVENTMANAGER´SvoiceoffstageEVENTMANAGER:Thisway,ladies.

(BOYhidesasatroupeofladies(WITCHES)enter)

[They arrange themselves, seated facing the stage. As they talk, some scratchtheirneckswithglovedhands]

EVENTMANAGERLadiesoftheRoyalSocietyforthePreventionofCrueltytoChildren,praywelcomeyour…….President.

(Enthusiasticapplause,TheGRANDHIGHWITCHentersinstyle)

(Silence, Slowly theGRANDHIGHWITCH removesherwigand thenhermask,revealingawizened,horriblerottingface..)

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GRANDHIGHWITCH:Rise!Squishthem,squigglethem,makethemdisappear!Nowsit!Youmayrrree-moofyourvigs,andgetsomefreshairintoyourspottyscalps43.[Withsighsofrelief,theWITCHESrevealtheirbaldheads,placingtheirwigsinhandbagsoronthefloor.)

GRANDHIGHWITCH:VitchesoftheWorld.Miserrrablevitches.Uselesslazyvitches.Youareaheapofidlegood-for-nothing~losers~!44.

(AmurmurofconcernamongtheWITCHES)

AsIameatingmylunch,Iamlookingoutofthevindowatthebeach.AndvotamIseeing? I am seeing a rrreevolting45sight, which is putting me off my food46.Hundredsofrrrottenrrreepulsivechildren.Playingonthesand.Vyehafyounotgotrrrid47ofthem?Vye?

[Noresponse]

Youvilldobetter.WITCHES:Wewilldobetter.GRANDHIGHWITCH:Myordersare:everysinglechild in Inklandshallberrrubbedout, sqvashed, sqvirted, sqvitteredandfritteredbeforeIcomehereagaininvunyear'stime.

(TheWITCHESgasp)

FRENCHWITCH:Everysingleoneofthem?Wecan'tpossiblywipeoutallofthem.GRAND HIGH WITCH: Who said that? Who dares to argue vith me? (She looksaround.Shepointsdramaticallyatthechildrenintheaudience.

Itvosyou,vositnot?)FRENCHWITCH:Ididn'tmeanit,yourGrandness.GRANDHIGHWITCH:Comehere.

[Shebeckons.FrenchWitchmesmerized,hastogoonstage]

FRENCHWITCH:Ididn'tmeantoargue,yourGrandness.Iwasjusttalkingtomyself.Iswearit.

GRANDHIGHWITCH:AvitchwhodarestosayI'mwrrrongvillnotbevithusvery

43Kopfhaut44Versager45abscheulich46nimmtdenAppetitweg47Etwasloswerden

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long!

WITCH:Forgiveme,yourGrandness.(Shearrivesonstage)GRANDHIGHWITCH:Astupidvitchwhoanswersbackmustburnuntilherbonesareblack!FRENCHWITCH:No!No!Spareme!

[Sparksfly.Smokerises.FRENCHWITCHshouts]Aaaaaaaaaaah!

[FRENCHWITCHdisappears]

GRANDHIGHWITCH:Ihopenobodyelseisgoingtomakemecrosstoday.AMERICANWITCH:Ohno.Notme….I’moutofhere.(GRANDHIGHWITCHfindsthesmouldering48remnantsofFRENCHWITCH´sclothes.Sheholdsthemup).

Frrrizzledlikeafrrritter.Cookedlikeacarrot.Youvillneverseeheragain.Nowveecangetdowntobusiness.

[Thefollowingsequenceshouldberhythmicandgrowinintensity.TEACHERSintheaudiencechanttheWitches´slines.)

GRANDHIGHWITCH:Downvithchildren!Dothemin!WITCHES:Boiltheirbonesandfrytheirskin!GRANDHIGHWITCH:Bishthem,sqvishthem,bashthem,mashthem!

WITCHES:Breakthem,shakethem,slashthem,smashthem!GRANDHIGHWITCH:Iamhavingaplan.Agigan-ticus49plan!WITCHES:Sheishavingaplan.Agiganticusplan!GRANDHIGHWITCH:Youvillbuysveetshops.WITCHES:Wewillbuysweetshops,GRANDHIGHWITCH:Youvillfillthemhighvithluscioussveetsandtastychocs!

48schwelend49ErfundenesWort,etwassehrgroßes

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WITCHES:Luscioussweetsandtastychocs!

GRANDHIGHWITCH:YouvillhaveaGreatGalaOpeningvithfreesveetsandchocsforeverychild!

WITCHES:Freesweetsandchocsforeverychild!GRANDHIGHWITCH:Youvillbe fillingeverychocandeverysveetvithmy latestandgrrreatestmagicformula.

[Asighofadmirationassheproducesapotionbottle]

FormulaEighty-SixDelayedActionMouse-Maker![Excitedcheersandapplause]EVENTMANAGER:Astrokeofgenius!GRANDHIGHWITCH:Injectvundropletoftheformulaineachsveetorchoc,openyourshop,andasthechildrenpourinontheirvayhomefromschool...

[Shechantsthefollowingrhymetomusic)

Crrramthemfullofstickyeats,Sendthemhomestillguzzling50sveets,AndinthemorninglittlefoolsGomarchingofftoseparateschools.Agirlfeelssickandgoesallpale-Sheyells,'Hey,look!I'vegrrrownatail!'Aboywho'sstandingnexttoherScreams,'Help!IthinkI'mgrrrowingfur!'Anothershouts,'Veelooklikefrrreaks!There'sviskers51growingonourcheeks!'AboywhovosextremelytallCriesout,'Vot'swrong?I'mgrrrowingsmall!'Fourtinylegsbegintosprrrout52Fromeverybodyrrroundabout.Andallatvunce,allinatrrrice53,Therearenochildren!Onlymice!Theteacherscry,'Vot'sgoingon?Oh,vherehafallthechildrengone?'Thensuddenlythemicetheyspot,50verschlingen51whiskers:Schnurhaare52sprießen53Augenblick

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Fetchmousetrrrapsstrrrongandkillthelot!TheysveepthedeadmiceallawayAndallusvitchesshoutALL:[Standing]Hooray![Theyrisetoabigfinish]Downvithchildren!Dothemin!Boiltheirbonesandfrytheirskin!Bishthem,sqvishthem,bashthem,mashthem!Brrreakthem,shakethem,slashthem,smashthem!

[SuddenlytheEVENTMANAGERspotsmice)EVENTMANAGER:Look!Look!Mice!

BOY:[Seeingthemfrombehindthetable]Ohno!WilliamandKate!EVENTMANAGER:Ourleaderhasdoneittoshowus!TheBrainyOnehasturnedtwochildrenintomice!(Thedancingwitchesscreamandrunoffstage)GRANDHIGHWITCH:Qviet!Thesemice are nothing to dowithme. Thesemice are petmice, qvite obviouslybelongingtosomerrreepellentlittlechildinthishotel.

EVENTMANAGER:Achild!Afilthychild.We'llsniffhimout.[TheWITCHESstartsniffingandsomemoveominouslytowardsthetable.BOYstiffens]

[Then,inthenickoftime54,thereisaknockonthedooroffstageBRUNO:[Outsidethedoor]Hey!Letmein!

[Moreknocks]GRANDHIGHWITCH:Qvick,vitches.Vigson!

[TheWITCHEShurrytomakethemselvesrespectable]

BRUNO:[Outsidethedoor]Hurryup!Twenty-fivepastthreeyousaid.

GRAND HIGH WITCH: Vitches. Vat'ch this demon-strrration. Earlier today I amgivingachocolatebarvithformulaaddedtoasmellyboy.

BRUNO:[Outsidethedoor]Where'sthemchocolatebarsyoupromised?I'mhereto54GeradezurrechtenZeit

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collect!Dish'emout!GRANDHIGHWITCH:Notonlysmellybutgrrreedy.Theformulaistimedforhalfpastthree.[Sheputsonherwigandsunglasses)(Shewavesherhandandmagicallyunlocksthedoor,wehearthesoundeffectofadoorbeingunlocked,BRUNOentersandapproaches)GRANDHIGHWITCH:[Softandgentle]Darlinglittleman.Ihafyourchocolateallrrreadyforyou.Docomeandsayhellotoalltheselovelyladies.

(BRUNOwalksclosertothefrontofthestage,eyedeagerlybytheWITCHES)

BRUNO:OK,where'smychocolate?Sixbarsyousaid.GRANDHIGHWITCH:(Checkingherwatch)Thirtysecondstogo.BRUNO:What?

(Hereceivesnoreply.HeapproachestheGRANDHIGHWITCH)Whattheheck'sgoingon?

GRANDHIGHWITCH:Twentyseconds!

BRUNO:[Gettingsuspicious]Gimmethechocolateandletmeoutofhere.GRANDHIGHWITCH:Fifteenseconds!BRUNO:[LookingattheWITCHES]Willoneofyoucrazyladieskindlytellmewhatallthisisabout?

GRANDHIGHWITCH:Tenseconds!

(SheturnsherfacetoBRUNO,whoreactswithaterrifiedscream)WITCHES:Nine...eight seven six...five...four...three...two one zero!

GRANDHIGHWITCH:Veehafignition.

(AnalarmclockringsloudlyasBRUNOchangesintoamouse)GRANDHIGHWITCH:Thissmellybrrrat,thisfilthyscum

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Thishorridlittlelouse55VillverysoonbecomeAlovelylittleMOUSE!

(Aflash.Aneeriesoundeffect,BRUNO'Sheaddartsaboutlikeamouse;hishands,like paws, brush imaginary whiskers. Then he appears to shrink behind thewatchingWITCHESHedisappearsfromview.TheWITCHESbackawayfromthetable.BRUNOhasgone,Inhisplaceonthetable-topisamouse)

WITCHES:[Applauding]Bravo!She'sdoneit!Itworks!It'sfantastic!

(TheGRANDHIGHWITCHwhacksatthemousewithherwhip)GRAND HIGH WITCH: Vitches, I vill meet you all for dinner at eight. I haveprrreeparedforyou[Sheshowsthepotionbottle]abottleeach,containingalimitedqvantity.Fivehundreddoses.RoomFour-Five-Four.Anyqves-tions?EVENTMANAGER:One,0Brainy56One.Whathappens ifoneof thechocolateswearegivingawayinourshopsgetseatenbyagrown-up?

GRANDHIGHWITCH:That'sjusttoobadforthegrown-up.Thismeetingisover.[TheWITCHESstarttogo][BehindtableBOYrelaxes,relieved,Hestretchesandrubshisachingknees],EVENTMANAGER:[Shouting]Wait!Holdeverything.

[Sheflareshernostrils,sniffingeagerly.Herfaceturnstowardsthetable.)Dogs'droppings.I'vegotawhiffoffreshdogs'droppings.GRANDHIGHWITCH:Votrubbishisthis?Therearenochildreninthisrrroom!EVENTMANAGER:It'sgettingstronger.Can'ttherestofyousmellit?Dogs'droppings.[ALLtheWITCHESaresniffingnow]

WITCHES:Dogs'droppings!Yes!Yes!Dogs'drop-pings!Dogs'droppings!PoolPoo-oo-oo-oo-oo![Theyheadtowardsthetable,theGRANDHIGHWITCHgoestothetableandslamsherhandsdownonit)

WITCHI:[Withashriek]Boy!Boy!Boy!Boy![BOYrunsthroughtheWITCHES,desperatetoescape.Herunsany-whereandeverywhere.TheWITCHESchase

55Laus,Drecksack56gescheit

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him.Heyells]GRANDHIGHWITCH:[Promtheplatform]Grrrabit!Stopityelling!Catchit,youidiots!

(THEEVENTMANAGERcastsaspellonBOY,forcinghimtocometothetable)

GRAND HIGHWITCH: Spying little vurm! You stinking little carbuncle57. You hafobservedthemostsecretthings.Nowyoumusttakeyourmedicine!BOY:Help!Help,!Grandma!GRANDHIGHWITCH:Openhismouth!

[TheWITCHES do so.Dramatically theGRANDHIGHWITCH opens the potionbottleandraisesitup]

Fivehundreddoses!SostrrrongveeseeINSTAN-TANEOUS58ACTION!

[ShepoursthepotionintoBOY'Smouth.BOYstartsjerkinghishead]Strangedistortedalarmbellsring.Perhapsthelightsflash.

Then,astheeffectsstop,theWITCHESstepaside][OnthetablethereisnosignofBOY.Justatremblingmouse)

THEBOY-MOUSE

[EnterBOY,dressedasamouse.Hescampersinandsniffsaround,thenlooksabout]

BOY:[Calling]Bruno!BrunoJenkins!Cool,Icantalk!

(BOYfrisksaroundhappily]

[To the audience] I should be sad. I should feel desperate. I mean, I've neverdreamedofbeingamouse, like I'vedreamedofbeing, say, amovie star.Butnowthat I am one, I'm beginning to see the advantages. I know mice sometimes getpoisonedorcaughtintrapsbutboyssometimesgetkilledtoo-runoverorgetsomeawfulillness.Boyshavetogotoschool.Micedon't.Micedon'thavetopassexams.Whenmicegrowuptheydon'thavetogoouttowork.Mmm.It'snobadthingtobeamouse.I'masfreeasWilliamandKate.Hopethey'reallright.

[BRUN0,dressedasamouse,enterseatingapieceofasandwich)]

Hello,Bruno.[BRUNOnods]

57Karfunkel58Instantaneous:sofort

20

Whathaveyoufound?BRUNO:Anancientsandwich.Prettygood.Bitpongy.59

BOY:Listen,Bruno.Nowwe'rebothmice,Ithinkweoughttostartthinkingaboutthefuture.[BRUNOstopseating]

BRUNO:Whatdoyoumean,we?Thefactthatyou're,amousehasnothingtodowithme.BOY:Butyou'reamouse,too,Bruno.BRUNO:Don'tbestupid,I'mnotamouse.BOY:I'mafraidyouare,Bruno.BRUNO:Imostcertainlyamnot.You'relying.Iammostdefinitelynotamouse.BOY:Lookatyourpaws.BRUNO:You'rebarmy60!Mypaws?[Helooksatthem]Aaaaah!They'reallhairy.[Hefeelshisearsandwhiskers]Ugh!Iamamouse.[Heburstsintotears]

BOY:Thewitchesdidit.

BRUNO:Idon'twanttobeamouse![Hecriessomemore]

BOY:Don'tbesilly,Bruno.Thereareworsethingsthanbeingamouse.Youcanliveinahole.BRUNO:Idon'twanttoliveinahole.

BOY:Andyoucancreepintothelarderatnightandnibblethroughallthepacketsofbiscuitsandcorn-flakesandstuff.Youcanstuffyourselfsilly.

BRUNO:[Perkingup61]Well,that'sathought.ButhowcanIopenthefridgedoortogetatthecoldchickenandleftovers?Idothateveryeveningathome.

BOY:Maybeyourrichfatherwillgetyouaspeciallittlemouse-fridgealltoyourself.Oneyoucanopen.

59übelriechend60verrückt61aufheitern

21

BRUNO: [Sudden thought]My father.What's he going to say? Andmymum? Shehatesmice.[Wailing62]Whatarewegoingtodo?

BOY:We'llgoandseemygrandmother.She'llunderstand.Sheknowsallaboutwitches..,

BRUNO:What'sallthisaboutwitches?Whichwitches?BOY:Thewitcheswhoturnedusintomice.TheGrandHighWitchgaveyouthechocolate,remember?BRUNO:What,her?Themiserableoldbat.BOY:Yes,well.FollowmetoGrandmother'sroom.Downthecorridor,runlikemad.BRUNO:B-b-but...BOY:Notalking.Anddon'tletanyoneseeyou.Don'tforgetthatanyonewhocatchessightofyouwilltrytokillyou!BRUNO:[Terrified]Ooooh!BOY:Comeon.

[MusicaccompaniesthejourneyofBOYandBRUNOtoGRANDMOTHER'Sroom,Firsttheyscuttle63alongimaginarywalls,occasionallystoppingtocheckthatthecoast is clear.They edge cautiously round imaginary corners, then set off againalong another wall, BRUNO lags behind and has to be encouraged and evenpushed!ShouldbeveryMissionImpossiblestyle]

BOY:Quick,overhere,it´sGrandma´sroom![ThescenechangestoGRANDMOTHER'Shotelbedroom.Grandmotherknittingalargesockwiththreeneedles]

[A female scream from outside her door makes her jump. She puts down herknitting,goestothedoorandlooksout]

GRANDMOTHER:Whatonearthisgoingonouthere?(Wehearafemalevoiceoffstage)

62Heulen/jammern63wieseln

22

VOICE:Aaaaah!Amouseinthehouse!Ahhhh!!!!BOY:[Off]Grandma!It'sme,Boy!Downhere.Thewitchgotme.

GRANDMOTHER:Thewitch?

[GRANDMOTHERpicksupthepuppetBOY-MOUSEandbringshimintotheroom.Sheisshockedandstartstocry]

BOY:Don'tcry,Grandma.Thingscouldbealotworse.I'mstillalive.So'sBruno.Thewitchgothimtoo.

[GRANDMOTHERsits,stunned][SuddenlyBRUN0seesabowloffruit]

BRUNO:Mmm.Bananas.Ilikebananas.Canyoupeel64oneforme,please?[GRANDMOTHER,almostinatrance,peelsoneforhim]

Mmm![Hemakeseatingnoises]BOY:Saysomething,Grandma.GRANDMOTHER:Oh,mydarlingBoy,mypoorsweetdarling,whathasshedonetoyou?

BOY:It'sallright,Grandma,really.I'mgettingusedtoit.It'squitefunwhenyougetthehangofit65.

GRANDMOTHER:Wheredidithappen?Whereisthewitchnow?Issheinthehotel?

BOY:Roomfour-five-four,She'stheGrandHighWitchofalltheWorld!GRANDMOTHER:TheGrandHighWitch,here?BOY:Yes,Andtherearemassesofotherwitchesinthehoteltoo.GRANDMOTHER:Youdon'tmeanthey'rehavingtheirAnnualMeetinghere?

BOY:They'vehadit,Grandma.Iwasthere!Hiding66.TheycallthemselvestheRoyalSocietyforthePreventionofCrueltytoChildren.

GRANDMOTHER:Huh!Typical!Andhowdidtheycatchyou,mydarling?

64abschälen65WennMannsichdarangewöhnt66versteckt

23

BOY:Theysniffedmeout.GRANDMOTHER:Mmm.Dogs'droppings,wasit?BOY:Yes.AndthentheGrandHighWitchdemonstratedhernewmagicformula.Itturnschildrenintomice.GRANDMOTHER:Icanseethat,mydarling,onlytoowell.BOY:ButGrandma,theyplantoturnallthechildrenofEnglandintomice.

GRANDMOTHER:Theviciouscreatures.That'sEnglishwitchesforyou.BOY:We'vegottostopthem!GRANDMOTHER:Impossible.Witchesareun-stoppable.They'vegotyou.Nowthey'llgettheothers.

[Shortpause]BRUNO:Canyoupeelmeanotherbanana,please?GRANDMOTHER:[Peelingone]Doesn'theeverstopeating?BOY:No,[Suddenly]Andthat'sanotherthing,Grandma,Bruno'sparents.Theydon'tknowhe'samouse,

GRANDMOTHER:Icandealwiththat.Butstoppingthewitches'grandplanisanotherkettleoffish.[Suddenlyavoiceisheard,GRANDMOTHERandBOYreactasifitiscomingfrombelowthem)GRANDHIGHWITCH'SVOICE:Downwithchildren!Dothemin!Boiltheirbonesandfrytheirskin![She cackles 67 , then chants the rest, her voice getting softer, while BOY andGRANDMOTHERcontinuetheirconversation]

Bishthem,sqvishthem,bashthem,mashthem!Brrreakthem,shakethem,slashthem,smashthem!

BOY:It'sher,Grandma,it'sher!GRANDMOTHER:TheGrandHighWitch?

[Shegoesoutontoherbalconyandlooksdown,thenreturns]

[Furious68]Wouldyoubelieveit?Theevilwomanisintheroombelowmine!Ican67schnattert68wütend

24

seeherbalcony!Thedoorsintoherbedroomareopen.[WehearacacklefromtheGRANDHIGHWITCH]

BOY:[Havinganidea]Grandma,ifshe'sdownthere,soishermagicformula…GRANDMOTHER:Well?BOY:[Workingouthisplan]IfIcouldonlystealonetinybottle.Fivehundreddoses!Worksongrown-upsaswellaschildren,shesaid.Sowho'stosayitwouldn'tworkonwitches?Don'tyousee?GRANDMOTHER:[Slowly]Ido!Idosee.BOY:Witcheswhoaremeetingfordinnerateight0'clocktonight!GRANDMOTHER:Thenthere'snotimetowaste,Mybrilliant,darling,daringBoy.BOY:Mouse.GRANDMOTHER:Boy-Mouse,then.Climbinhere.Iwillloweryoudown.(GrandmotherputsBoyintothesockshewasknitting69andlowershimdownontothebalconybelow)ForthesalvationofthechildrenofEngland.Action!GRANDMOTHER:[Calling]Outyouget!Hurryup!GRANDHIGHWITCH'SVOICE:Votisthisknitting-voolhangingdownhere?GRANDMOTHER: [Innocently] Oh, hello. I just dropped it over the balcony bymistake.Sosorry.I'vestillgotholdofoneend,soIcanpullitup.

[Shestartstopullupthewool]

GRAND HIGH WITCH'S VOICE: Who vur you talking to just now? Who vur youtellingtogetoutandhurryup?

GRANDMOTHER:[Retrievingherknitting,nowempty]Mylittlegrandson,He'ser ...beeninthebathforages,readinghisbook,thelittledarling.It'stimehegotout.Doyouhaveanychildren,mydear?

GRANDHIGHWITCH'SVOICE:Certainlynot!

[Thesoundofthebalconydoorslammingshut][GRANDMOTHERlooksconcerned]

GRANDMOTHER:[Fervently]Goodfortunebewithyou,mydarlingBoy-Mouse.[BOY-MOUSE(theactorinmouse-costume)enters,treadinggingerly]

[HefreezeswhensuddenlytheGRANDHIGHWITCH,,isheardboomingoverhead]

69Strickarbeit

25

GRANDHIGHWITCH'sVOICE:Downwithchildren!Dothemin!Boiltheirbonesandfrytheirskin!Bishthem,sqvishthem,bashthem,mashthem!Brrreakthem,shakethem,slashthem,smashthem!

[In the lull that follows, theBOY-MOUSE scuttles across, He arrives under thebed]

[TheGRAND HIGH WITCH happily hums a version of her chant. It echoes insinister fashion, Suddenly, out jumps a creature. It grabsBOY-MOUSE, but notroughly,Nevertheless70,BOY-MOUSEjumps]

BOY-MOUSE:Aaah!

[ThecreatureisaFROG,Hespringsaway,trembling71]Hello.[Headvances.TheFROGbacksaway]

Hey,Frog.Iwon'thurtyou.'[Hestretchesoutapaw.TheFROGhuddlesup,enjoy-ingthecompany]

Whatareyoudoinghere?DidtheGrandHighWitchmagicyoutoo?[TheFROGnods]

Youwereonceachild?[TheFROGnods]

Haveyounevertriedtoescape?

[TheFROGshakesitshead,fearfully]You'refrightenedofher?[TheFROGnods]

SoamI.Listen,Frog,doyouknowwhereshekeepshermagic-formulabottles?[AfterathinkingpausetheFROGpointsoffstage,tofurtherunderthebed]

Thanks,Frog.[FrogfetchesthepotionbottleandBOYtriestocarryitanddropsit)]

Aaaaah!GRANDHIGHWITCH'SVOICE:Votvasthat?Iheardanoise.

[Suddenlythecurtain/screenbehindswingsbacktorevealthehugeupside-downfaceoftheGRANDHIGHWITCHpeeringunderthebed]

70trotzdem71zittert

26

[BOY-MOUSEmanagestodragthebottleintoadarkarea.TheFROGisthere]

Vasthatyou, little frrroggy?Makinganoise?Areyoubeinggood?Guardingmymagic bottles? Are you being a good votch-frrrog? [She cackles] Soon I vill begivingmybottlesawayandyouneedguardthemnolonger.

[TheFROGlookschirpier]

Then I vill thrrrow you out of the vindow and the seagulls can have you forsupper-timesnacks![Shecackles]

[TheFROGtrembles.Aknockatthebedroomdoorisheard]

Ah-a..[Shecallsinasing-song72voice]Icome.

[BOY-MOUSE,withthebottle,startshisjourneyagain.HelooksbackatthetremblingFROG]

Comeon,Frog!BOY-MOUSE:Offyougo,Frog.You'refree!

[FROGhopsoff.BOY-MOUSEwaves,thenlooksatthepotionbottle]Andnowit´stimetoaddsomespice73totheirsoup!

THEBOY-MOUSEDEFEATSTHEWITCHES

(Weareinthehotelrestaurant,musicisplayinginthebackground)EVENTMANAGER:Ladiesandgentlemen,dinnerisserved.

[GRANDMOTHER enters, along with a hotel guest. She holds, carefully, her largehandbag inwhichare the twoBOY-MICE. Shewaits until theWAITER approaches,otherguestsenteraswellandareledtowardstheWitchestable)HOTELGUEST:Buenasera!(Sheleaves)EVENTMANAGER:GoodEveningMadamGRANDMOTHER:Good-evening.EVENTMANAGER:Yourtableisthisway.GRANDMOTHER:Thankyou.

72IneinersingsangStimme73Gewürz

27

[Sheleadshertohertable,setwithtwochairs.Shesitsononeandcarefullyrestsherhandbagonthetable]

EVENTMANAGER:Whereistheyounggentlemantonight?GRANDMOTHER:He'snotfeelingquitehimself.74He'sstayinginhisroom.EVENTMANAGER: I'msorry tohear that.Now, thisevening, tostartwith there isgreenpeasoup,andforthemaincourseyouhaveachoiceofeithergrilledfilletofsoleorroastlamb.GRANDMOTHER:Justthelambforme,please.EVENTMANAGER:Thankyou,madam.GRANDMOTHER:Thankyou!

[TheEVENTMANAGERleaves,headingforthekitchen][GRANDMOTHERsurreptitiouslyspeaksintoherhandbag]

Ready,mydarling?Haveyougotthebottle?

HOTELGUEST:Hallo!GRANDMOTHER:Ohhellooo…BOY'SVOICE:Yes.Grandma,what'sthetime?GRANDMOTHER:[Checkingherwatch]It'sfiveminutestoeight.We'rejustintime.BRUNO'SVOICE:[Inthehandbag]I'mstarving!GRANDMOTHER:Quiet,Bruno.Haveabreadroll.[Shetakesarollfromabasketand

popsitinthehand-bag]BRUNO'SVOICE:It'sgotnobutter!GRANDMOTHER:[Loudly]HaltdieKlappe!(Focusshiftstothekitchenwherewehavetwochefs75cooking.Theyaretappingoutarhythmwiththeirpots.GRANDMOTHERchecksthatthecoastisclear,andthenputsBOY-MOUSEinthekitchen,nearthesouppot)

74Erfuhltsichirgendwiekomisch75ChefbedeutetKochaufEnglisch

28

Go,mydarling,go!

WILLYTHEWAITER:Whereismysoupfortablefour?CHEFS: Hedroppeditonthefloor

WeneedtomakesomemoreGobacktotablefourAndtellthemtowaitalittlemoreSoupSoupforthegroupThegroupwantssoupPourinthesoup

BOYMOUSE:It’stimetoaddsomespiceToturnthemintomiceWILLY:REEEEEMIIIIIIXAll:Ilikebigpots76andIcannotlie.Youotherchefscan’tdenyThatwhenapotrolesinwithanittybittytaste…..

STAGEMANAGER:…STOOOOOP!Thisisstillachildren’sshow!COCKNEYCHEF:Whatwasthat?[Helooksroundandup]Hey,look!Amouse!Amouse!

ITALIANCHEF:Where,where?COCKNEYCHEF:There,there!

[The CHEFS grab a rolling-pin and ladle and try to wallopBOY-MOUSE,whoquicklyhidesbehindapot]

COCKNEYCHEF:He'shiding!He'shiding!ITALIANCHEF:Therehegoes!

[Theyfollowtheimaginaryprogressofthemouse.SlapstickfunastheCHEFStrytowhackthemousebutonlysucceedinwhackingeachotherandbumpingintoeachother]

76Töpfe

29

COCKNEYCHEF:Takethat!ITALIANCHEF:Ow!Takethat!COCKNEYCHEF:Ow!

[SuddenlytheCHEFfreezesinhorror]COCKNEYCHEF:Eeeeee!ITALIANCHEF:Whatisit?COCKNEYCHEF:Jeeperscreepers!It'sgoneupmytrouserleg!Ah!Ah!Oo!Oo!

[Hecomesoutfrombehindthecounter,jumpingupanddown,slappinghistrouserleg]

COCKNEYCHEF:Holysmoke!It'sgoingallthewayup!Ah!Oo!Help!

[Nowheisjumpingupanddownasthoughheisstandingonhotbricks]Help!Help!

[Hestopssuddenly]It'sinmyknickers!There'samouserunningaroundinmyflamingknickers77!Aaaah!

ITALIANCHEF:Quick!Get'emoff!

[HeattackstheCOCKNEYCHEF,tryingtogethistrousersoffTheCOCKNEYCHEFresists]

COCKNEYCHEF:Stopit!Stopit!You'retickling![Helaughs78hysterically]ITALIANCHEF:Off!Off!

[ITALIANCHEFripsoffCOCKNEYCHEF´strousers,revealinganotherpairunderneath.Thechefsmoveoffstage]

(BOY-MOUSEapproachesGrandmother´stable)

BOY'SVOICE:Grandma,I'mback!Missionaccomplished!

[TheBOY-MOUSEhopsontothechairnexttoGRANDMA)]

77Unterwäsche78lacht

30

GRANDMOTHER:Welldone,mydarling.Welldone,you.BOY'SVOICE:HavetheWitchesarrived,Grandma?GRANDMOTHER:They'reoverthere,mydarling.Look!

[TheWITCHESaretalkinganimatedly]EVENTMANAGER`SVOICE:Ladies,yoursoup.

[TheyarriveattheWITCHES'tableandstarttoserveitasthefocusreturnstoGRANDMOTHER'Stable]

BOY'SVOICE:They'regoingtodrinkit,Grandma,they'regoingtodrinkit!

[BOY-MOUSEbobsupanddown79]

GRANDMOTHER:Shhh!Keepstill.Andcrossyourfingers.80BOY'SVOICE:Ihaven'tgotanyfingerstocross.GRANDMOTHER:Sorry.[Shesmiles]

[MRandMRSJENKINSenter,scanningtherestaurant.TheyseeGRANDMOTHERandheadtowardsher]

BOY'SVOICE:Lookout,Grandma.It'sBruno'sparents.[GRANDMOTHERmakes sure the puppetBOY-MOUSE is hidden fromMR andMRSJENKINS.)MRJENKINS:Where'sthatgrandsonofyours?MRSJENKINS:Wereckonhe'suptosomethingwithour...MRSJENKINS [Together]Bruno.MRSJENKINS:Somedevilment.MRJENKINS:Thelittlebeggar'snotturnedupforhissupper.Mostunlikehim.MRSJENKINS:Mostunlikehim.

GRANDMOTHER:Iagree.Hehasaveryhealthyappetite.

MRSJENKINS:Howdoyouknow?Haveyouseenhim?Whereishe?

79Aufundabspringen80druckdieDaumen

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GRANDMOTHER:I'mafraidIhavesomeratheralarming81newsforyou.He'sinmyhandbag.[Sheholdsitout.MRandMRSJENKINScan'tbelievetheirears]

MRSJENKINS:Inahandbag!

MRJENKINS:Whattheheckd'youmean,he'sinyourhandbag?MRSJENKINS:Areyoutryingtobefunny?GRANDMOTHER:There'snothingfunnyaboutit.Yoursonhasbeenratherdrasticallyaltered

MRSJENKINS [Together]Altered?MRJENKINS:Whatthedevildoyoumean?GRANDMOTHER:Myowngrandsonactuallysawthemdoingittohim.MRJENKINS:Sawwhodoingwhattohim,forheaven'ssake?GRANDMOTHER:SawtheWitchesturninghimintoamouse.

[TheJENKINSES'mouthsgape82]

MRSJENKINS:Callthemanager,dear.Havethismadwomanthrownoutofthehotel.

GRANDMOTHER:[Calmly]Brunoisamouse.

MRJENKINS:Hemostcertainlyisnotamouse![SuddenlyGRANDMOTHERdelvesintothehandbagandpopsBRUNO-MOUSE'Sheadout.Shemoveshimashetalks]

BRUNO'SVOICE:Ohyes I am!Hello,Pa,Hello,Ma! [MRS JENKINSnearlyscreams.SheandMRJENKINSbackoffnervously,horrified]

MRJENKINS:B-b-b-b...BRUNO'SVOICE:Don'tworry,Pa.It'snotasbadasallthat.Justsolongasthecatdoesn'tgetme.

81alarmierend82klaffen

32

MRJENKINS:ButIcan'thaveamouseforason!GRANDMOTHER:You'vegotone.Benicetohim.MRSJENKINS:[Approachingwithdifficulty]Mypoorbaby!Whodidthis?.[MRSJENKINSpicksupBRUNOinthehandbag,tryingtohideherdistaste83]GRANDMOTHER:Thatwomanoverthere.[ShepointstotheGRANDHIGHWITCH]Blackdress.Finishinghersoup.

MRJENKINS:She'sRSPCC.Thechairwoman.84GRANDMOTHER:No.She'stheGrandHighWitchofalltheWorld.MRSJENKINS:Youmeanshedidit?Thatskinnywomanoverthere?MRJENKINS:Whatanerve.I'llmakeherpaythroughthenose.85I'llhavemylawyers86ontoherforthis.[HeturnstowardstheGRANDHIGHWITCH]

GRANDMOTHER:Iwouldn'tdoanythingrash.Thatwomanhasmagicpowers.Shemightturnyouintosomething.Acockroach,perhaps.

MRJENKINS:Turnmeintoacockroach?I'dliketoseehertry!

[Hesetsoffagain.Wehearaveryloudalarmbell.Smokebeginstoswirlaroundand theotherWITCHES start towritheabout,waving theirarms.The GRANDHIGHWITCHlooksaboutperplexedandhorrified)

GRANDHIGHWITCH:Vitches!Stopthis!UghGetaway!Away!,Ugh!Ohno!Cheeeldren.UhUh

(Everyonewatchesas,screaminginanightmarishecho,theGRANDHIGHWITCHgets pushed by GRANDMOTHER into the oversized pot and disappears, aseparatehandbeingthelastpartofhertogo.]

GRANDHIGHWITCH:[Inpot]I’mmelting….(TheGRANDHIGHWITCHasamousepopsup)

GRANDMOTHER:Takethat!(GRANDMOTHERhitsthemouse)

GRANDMOTHER:[HoldingupBOY-MOUSEintriumph]Youdiditboy!Youhave

83Widerwille84Vorsitzende85Jemandenetwasteuerbezahlenlassen86Anwalt

33

savedthechildrenofEngland.(intoaudience)Canyoucallmeataxidear,it´stimetogohome.

SOLONGASSOMEBODYLOVESYOU

[GRANDMOTHER sits in her chair, doing some embroidery. On her table alongsidesitsBOY-MOUSE,operatedbyBOY,hiddenbehind]

TheyhavetheradioonRADIOVOICE:“Andinothernewsthemouseepidemiccontinues…”

BOY:Grandma,hastheGrandHighWitchreallygoneforever?

GRANDMOTHER: Yes, my darling. But Grand HighWitches are like queen bees.There'salwaysanotheronetotakeover.Let'shopetherearealwayspeoplelikeyoubrave87enoughtofoil88theirwickedplans.

BOY:Eveniftheyendupasmice?GRANDMOTHER:Eveniftheyendupasmice.[Pause]BOY:CanIaskyousomething,Grandma? GRANDMOTHER:Anything.BOY:Howlongdoesamouselive?GRANDMOTHER:Notverylong,I'm:afraid.Justafewyears.[Pause]BOY:Andhowmuchlongerwillyoulive,Grandma? GRANDMOTHER:Justafewyears.BOY:Good.I'llbeaveryoldmouseandyou'llbeaveryoldgrandmother.GRANDMOTHER:Thatwouldbeperfect.[Pause]Mydarling,areyousureyoudon'tmind89beingamousefortherestofyourlife?BOY: Idon'tmindatall. Itdoesn'tmatter90whoyouareorwhatyou look like,solongassomebodylovesyou.

87tapfer88Etwaszudurchkreuzen89Undesmachtganzsichernichtsaus?90Esistmitganzgleich…