The Resolver December Edition in Word

What is this E-Journal about ? Published since 2001, the RESOLVER is a monthly E-journal written by respected professionals and delivered to

organizational leaders across North America and the world. Our mission is to present the latest information, research and opportunities on the subjects of managing human resources, managing conflict, resolving disputes, as well as

developing and actualizing organizations.…..In This Edition You Will Find...A THANK YOU and HOLIDAY BEST WISHES FROM THE RESOLVER TEAM By Joseph RavickSANTA CLAUS A Biography By John and Craig at FactsCanada.ca. - When you hear the

name "Santa Claus", does the image of a pudgy old man in a red suit come to mind? Do you picture him at the North Pole, loading toys in a sleigh pulled by Rudolph and company? Did you know it was not until the 1930s that Rudolph was introduced? Until he arrived on the scene, there were only eight reindeer. (More on Rudolph below.) Do you imagine Santa trying to squeeze down chimneys? If so, put those images on hold and consider that our modern-day Santa Claus wasn't the same person even a hundred years ago.“AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE”... A New Year’s Resolution you can keep for all time. Researched by Resolver Staff - Families everywhere are facing new challenges. Even though at this time of year most of us are, or will be, maxed out with hectic, busy schedules, talking and listening to each other is more important today than ever before. Don’t interrupt, Start with something positive, Framing your statements, Stay calm, and Respect each other’s differences are only some of the ways to make function as most of us want them to. SADAKO SASAKI A story of war Adapted from: Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes, Eleanor Coerr, Hoder & Stoughton, 1982. Adapted by Maureen Monson – Sadako Sasaki was born in Hiroshima, Japan in 1943. Her mother said that she was born to be a runner. Her mother said Sadako had learned to run before she would walk. This is her short story – one of tragedy… and hope.

HAPPY NEW YEAR....YOUR Resolutions are waiting By Scott A. McConnell New Year's resolutions, and New Year’s Day-what are they really all about? The meaning of most holidays is clear: Valentine’s Day celebrates romance; July Fourth, independence; Thanksgiving, productivity; Christmas, good will toward men. The meaning of New Year’s Day — the world’s most celebrated holiday — is not so clear. On this day, many people remember last year’s achievements and failures and look forward to the promise of a new year, of a new beginning. But this celebration and reflection is the result of more than an accident of the calendar. ACHIEVING SUCCESS…Some goal setting tips for New Year’s resolutions Researched by Resolver Staff Determined that this year you'll keep those New Year's Resolutions? Here are a few goal setting tips to get you started! ….BUT WHO’S TO BLAME FOR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS??... Okay, now to answer the questions we all really want to know about New Year's resolutions: Who's to blame, and do they have an e-mail address so we can flame them?  Well, we're out of luck on the e-mail address, but it looks as if the tradition is as old as New Year's celebrations. The Babylonians celebrated New Years Day over four thousand years ago, although their celebration was in March rather than in January, coinciding with the spring planting of crops.SIX REASONS PEOPLE DON’T LISTEN …AND SOME FUN THINGS YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT by CARLA RIEGER - It’s frustrating when your co-workers, audience members, teenager – or even your dog --won’t listen. While you can’t control how they receive what you say, you can control how you send it. Here are a few tips on why people don’t listen and what you can do to change it. A TIME TO RECONNECT AND TO REMEMBER THE DEEPER ASPECTS OF BEING HUMAN By John Izzo, Ph.D. - As I have talked to people this week almost everyone had expressed joy that the holidays, along with time for self and others, is just around the corner. The holiday season can be a time to reconnect and to remember the deeper aspects of being human.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING NEW AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT……. We thought this seasonal edition would benefit by ending with a focus on states which are too often in short supply…here’s looking at Love, friendship and fun…..

RESOLVER DELIVERY OPTIONS, FEEDBACK AND SUGGESTION'S, SUBSCRIBE & UN-SUBSCRIBE

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Thank youThank you

As we move into our 5th year of publishing The Resolver, I thank all of you for your support.

Now serving readers around the world, our numbers have grown steadily as we have tried to provide a resource which satisfies the professional development,

general interest, and entertainment needs of our subscribers. When we began The Resolver, we didn’t know whether we feeding our own ego needs or if in fact there was a need for a public service resource such as ours. The message you sent us through your support has given us the answer we hoped for and again, we thank

you.

On behalf of our team of conflict management and dispute resolution professionals and myself, …

...we wish you all a safe and ...we wish you all a safe and joyful holiday seasonjoyful holiday season

filled with peace, filled with peace, good will,good will,and lots of and lots of

‘happy’ times. ‘happy’ times.

Joseph RavickCEO of the Appropriate Resolutions Associates team and

Managing Editor of The Resolver Ejournal

Some of the principles, articulated by others, which guide our practice…. …when facilitating transformation and ‘learning’…

You can teach a student a lesson for a day,but if you can teach her/him to learn by creating curiosity,

s/he will continue the learning process as long as s/he lives.- Clay P. Bedford

…and as we reflect generally on what we do …Wisdom is meaningless until our own experience has given it meaning . . . .

- Bergen Evans

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SANTA CLAUS

A BiographyBy John and Craig at FactsCanada.ca.

Born, into mind, December 24, 1822, the modern day Santa Claus got his start almost by accident.

When you hear the name "Santa Claus", does the image of a pudgy old man in a red suit come to mind? Do you picture him at the North Pole, loading toys in a sleigh pulled by Rudolph and company? Did you know it was not until the 1930s that Rudolph was introduced? Until he arrived on the scene, there were only eight reindeer. (More on Rudolph below.) Do you imagine Santa trying to squeeze down chimneys? If so, put those images on hold and consider that our modern-day Santa Claus wasn't the same person even a hundred years ago.FIRST OUR MODERN DAY LEGEND

There is an ever-growing consensus that the person most responsible for shaping the North American version of Santa Claus was one Dr. Clement Clark Moore, a theology and classics professor. What did Moore do to earn this honour? He simply wrote a poem for his children in 1822 originally entitled "A Visit from St. Nicholas" that begins with these now famous words: "'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house / Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; / The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, / In the hope that St. Nicholas soon would be there." (We’re sure most of you can remember the rest) In Moore's poem he depicted a chubby, tiny, elf-like Santa Claus who glided down from the north in a sleigh drawn by miniature reindeer. On Christmas eve nights Santa would go from rooftop to rooftop, silently sliding down the chimney to fill childrens' stockings with gifts.

Clement Moore was familiar with various European customs and folklore regarding this jolly sole, and his poem about Saint Nicholas was largely drawn from the Dutch tradition of Sinter Klaas. His depiction of Santa Claus was borrowed from Teutonic and Norse notions of an "impish" but jovial figure who presided over the mid-winter festivals of pagan origins. (The Teutonic people lived in Jutland around 100 BC. Jutland is the ancient name for the peninsula of northern Europe, now comprising Denmark and parts of northern Germany.) Although Moore wrote the story for his childrens' amusement, it was anonymously published a year later. It has since been reprinted many times as "The Night Before Christmas". This purely imaginary tale rooted in the Dutch Sinter Klaas tradition has since become a very popular, enduring and beloved myth in North American culture and many of those around the world.

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NOW FOR THE MORE TRADITIONAL ORIGINS

The term "Santa Claus" can be said to mean, simply, "love" — love between one another. As a dear friend (Julie) told me, Christmas is supposed to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus. In this instance then, we could say that Santa Claus, or at least what he represents, was born on December 25, about 2001 years ago (depending on what calendar you are using).

During the 1600s and 1700s, children in Holland put their shoes by the fireplace for Saint Nicholas, known to them as Sinter Klaas. Each year on December 5, the eve of the feast day of Saint Nicholas, Sinter Klaas was said to gallop from rooftop to rooftop on his white horse. Not wanting to soil his white robe, he'd drop candy down the chimney into the shoes of the children. Meanwhile, it was his Moorish assistant Black Peter who popped down the chimneys to leave gifts behind. (The Moors were a Muslim people from north-west Africa.)

The story of Sinter Klaas was brought to North America by Dutch settlers of New York, which was then called New Amsterdam. His name gradually changed from Sinter Klaas to Sint Klaes, and eventually to Santa Claus.

The practice of celebrating during the "un-harvesting season" is very old indeed. People needed something to look forward to, as well as a launching point for their beliefs for the following season. Even during prehistoric times, people celebrated a festival that coincided with the winter solstice, lighting fires and making ritual offerings. During the height of the Roman Empire the festival of Saturnalia, held in December, was a time of feasts, gambling, dancing and singing. These mid-winter feasting, drinking and religious rituals were also celebrated by the Germanic tribes of northern Europe.

So it was perfectly natural for the Christian church of the fourth century, as it rose in importance, to adopt its own mid-winter celebration. To Pope Julius I, celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ at that time of the year was ideal, and December 25 seemed an appropriate time to do so. He wanted to include a Christian element in the long-established mid-winter festivals. As a result, Christmas today is a mix of both pagan ritual and Christian celebration of Christ's birth.

The real Saint Nicholas lived in Turkey, long before Dutch children thought to leave out their shoes for him. Saint Nicholas was the bishop of Myra in south-western Turkey during the early fourth century. Little is known about him, but he is remembered for good deeds and miracles involving children and sailors. Saint Nicholas is illustrated in several medieval and renaissance paintings, stained glass windows and carvings, as a tall, dignified and severe man. He definitely wasn't the jovial father figure in our modern Santa Claus mythology. By the sixth century, Saint Nicholas was well established as patron saint of children, unmarried girls and sailors in Roman and Orthodox churches. His feast day on December 6 was celebrated as a holiday in Europe. Eventually his feast day moved to December 25, the day established by Pope Julius I during the fourth century to celebrate the birth of Christ.

During the Reformation in the 16th century, when Catholic ways were being challenged in Protestant countries, the popularity of Saint Nicholas and his association with Christmas started to decline. For historical reasons we assume, he continued to be revered in Protestant Holland until today, when he has become one of the central characters in the mythology and traditions of Christmas.

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“AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE”... A New Year’s Resolution you can keep for all time.

Researched by Resolver Staff

Families everywhere are facing new challenges. Even though at this time of year most of us are, or will be, maxed out with hectic, busy schedules, talking and listening to each other is more important today than ever before. Some families schedule regular family get-together times, others have family discussions as the need arises. “We make sure we have at least one meal together as a group,” says parent and teacher Sandi Minnes, “and things just come up.”

Family units are also not only what they have always been. For the purposes of this article, we are speaking of all who perceive they are ‘family’, whether they live together or not.

“There are times when Sandi and I will discuss something, and then call the boys in to discuss it as a family group,” says Dave Minnes who is also a teacher and part-time counsellor at a local Family Counselling Centre. “I will often also call my Mother and bring her over to make her feel a part of our family. It happens spontaneously as the need arises. We all discuss things like helping out around the house, how we all will contribute, what kind of sports or activities each wants, family outings, rearranging the bedrooms, or summer holidays. We also explore more serious matters such as death, relationships with extended family, or sickness among family and friends.”

“Everybody, and especially children, need to be included,” says Sandi. “It is better to be straight-forward and to make sure they get the right information, as long as it is age-appropriate. It’s important that every family member gets the same information at the same time.” Usually when Dave and Sandi have family discussions, one parent will talk first followed by the other parent. “Then we ask if they have any questions. We make sure everybody gets to talk.” Sandi and Dave also have some other guidelines around family discussions.

DON’T INTERRUPT: Everybody has to know up front that each will get their turn to speak. Set guidelines, or use a ‘talk stick’ if traditionally, interruptions have derailed conversations.

A POSITIVE APPROACH: Try to start with something positive in the discussion, “If you’re talking about a problem, maybe say you’re really improving on this and this, but this still needs work,” says Sandi.

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BE MINDFUL HOW YOU SAY THINGS: “How you frame your statement is so important,” says Dave, “your tone of voice, how much energy is in your voice. It’s not just the words, but how those words are packaged.”

STAY CALM: It’s better to cool down before involving others on a contentious issues. Turn the discussion over to someone who is more removed from the subject at hand; for example, another parent if children are at issue. Someone who is not personally escalated by an event or stressed about a potential outcome is more likely to be in a better frame of mind to deal with a contentious issue. “It also helps when you can maintain your sense of humour,” says Dave.

RESPECT EACH OTHER’S DIFFERENCES: When a number of people live under the same roof, or if the subject is important to someone ‘at the table’, there will be varied views, likes and dislikes. Make sure everyone’s views are heard and everyone’s opinion is valued and respected. “As parents we are teaching our children to be good adults,” says Sandi. ”We want the children to share in the responsibilities and resources of the home and to understand our feelings and for us to understand theirs. We value what they have to say. They have good ideas and many times they provide a completely different perspective.

DEBRIEF THE PROCESS: When we facilitate workshops, we finish off by going around the room to ensure that everybody has been heard, has had an opportunity to participate freely, and to determine if everybody has had a positive experience. As a learning and relationship-building tool, the process is invaluable. We do the same thing after family discussions around the kitchen table.

“When it comes to people you care about, and people who care about you, we can’t promise we are going to do what they want. At the very least however, everybody can feel respected, and when they do, they will know that we are interested in, and want to hear, their thoughts and opinions. What better way to ‘maintain the family’.

Every time you ‘touch somebody’, you leave a piece of yourself behind.Ask yourself if the piece you left behind helped them or hindered them.

Then reflect on what you wanted to accomplish. The living will then become the learning.

- Anonymous

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SADAKO SASAKI

A story of war Adapted from: Sadako and the Thousand Paper

Cranes, Eleanor Coerr, Hoder & Stoughton, 1982. Adapted by Maureen Monson

Sadako Sasaki was born in Hiroshima, Japan in 1943. Her mother said that she was born to be a runner. Her mother said Sadako had learned to run before she would walk.

One day, Sadako raced home from school to tell her family the good news. Sadako was chosen from her grade 5 class to be on a very special relay team. She practiced continually and the day of the race she ran her best. But when she finished, she felt strange and dizzy. That was quickly forgotten as she heard the cry. "Your team won!"

But several weeks later, Sadako felt ill again. Her family took her to the hospital. Sadako was put in the hospital with the atom bomb disease. Although she was only a tiny child when the bomb had fallen, the radiation sickness was still inside her. (Begin to fold cranes.)

Now Sadako believed the legend that if she could fold 1000 cranes out of paper, the gods would grant her wish and make her well again. So she began to fold her cranes.

As the illness grew worse, each fold became more difficult. When Sadako had folded 644 cranes, she held one up and said "I will write peace on your wings and you will fly all over the world" and then she died. Her classmates folded another 356 cranes so that 1,000 were buried with her. Perhaps she got her wish for she lives on in the hearts of all who know of her.

In 1958, a statue was unveiled in the Hiroshima Peace Park. There is Sadako standing on a granite mountain of paradise, holding a golden crane in outstretched hands.

Every year on May 5, "Children's Day", and August 6, "Peace Day", children bringtheir cranes to the statue and make the same wish that is written at the bottom of the statue:

This is our cry.This is our prayer.Peace in the world.

Adapted from: Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes, Eleanor Coerr, Hoder & Stoughton, 1982. Adapted by Maureen Monson, a Winnipeg Music Teacher. Presented at an Orff workshop on February 8, 1992. Courtesy of Saskatchewan Teacher’s Federation.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR....YOUR Resolutions are waiting...

By Scott A. McConnell

New Year's resolutions, and New Year’s Day-what are they really all about?

The meaning of most holidays is clear: Valentine’s Day celebrates romance; July Fourth, independence; Thanksgiving, productivity; Christmas, good will toward men. The meaning of New Year’s Day — the world’s most celebrated holiday — is not so clear. On this day, many people remember last year’s achievements and failures and look forward to the promise of a new year, of a new beginning. But this celebration and reflection is the result of more than an accident of the calendar. NEW YEAR’S HAS A DEEPER SIGNIFICANCE. WHAT IS IT?

On New Year’s Day, when the singing, fireworks and champagne toasts are over, many of us become more serious about life. We take stock and plan new courses of action to better our lives. This is best seen in one of the most popular customs and the key to the meaning of New Year’s: making resolutions. On average each North American makes 1.8 New Year’s resolutions. When the rest of the world is taken into account, the number of people making resolutions skyrockets to hundreds of millions.

From New York to Paris to Sydney, interesting similarities arise as shown in two very common resolutions: people wanting to be more attractive by losing weight, and to be healthier by exercising more and smoking less. They want to do things better, become better people. New Year’s Day is the most active-minded holiday because it is the one where people evaluate their lives and plan and resolve to take action. One dramatic example of taking resolutions seriously is the old European custom of: “What one does on this day one will do for the rest of the year.” What unites this custom and the more common type of resolutions is that on the first day of the year people take their values more seriously.VALUES: NOT ONLY PHYSICAL AND EXTERNAL.

Values, which have also been labelled as virtues, are not only physical and external, they also can be psychological. Many New Year’s resolutions reveal that people want to better themselves by improving psychologically. For example, look at your own resolutions over the years. Haven’t they included such vows as: be more patient with your children, improve your self-esteem, be more emotionally open with your wife? Such resolutions express the moral ambitiousness of a person wanting to improve his self and life.

The Resolver December Edition Page 10 of 19WHAT THEN IS THE PHILOSOPHIC MEANING OF NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS?

Every resolution you make on this day implies that you are in control of your self, that you are not a victim fated by circumstance, controlled by stars, owned by luck, but that you are an individual who can make choices to change your life. You can learn statistics, ask for that promotion, fight your shyness, search for that marriage partner. Your life is in your own hands. But what is the purpose of making such goals and resolutions? Why bother? Making New Year’s resolutions (and doing so even after failing last year’s) stresses that people want to be happy.

On New Year’s Day many people accept, often more implicitly than explicitly, that happiness comes from the achievement of values. That is why you resolve to be healthier, more ambitious, more confident. You want to enjoy that sense of purpose, accomplishment and pleasure that one feels when achieving values. It is New Year’s, more than any other day, that makes the attainment of happiness more real and possible. This is the meaning of New Year’s Day and why it is so psychologically important and significant to people throughout the world.THINK ABOUT THIS OPTION.

If people were to apply the value-achievement meaning of New Year’s Day explicitly and consistently 365 days each year, they would inevitably be happier. So every day, fill your champagne glass of life to the brim with values — and drink deep to your life and the joy that it can and should be. HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY LIFE.

- Scott A. McConnell

MAKING A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONResearched by Resolver Staff

Warning: Not for the humorously challenged

It's hard not to get the resolution urge on New Year's Eve. There's that sense of renewal, of rebirth, and the guilty awareness that you ate your own weight in chocolate during the holidays. Sure, last year's resolutions didn't make it past the fifth of January, but hey, this year's going to be different, right? Most of us don't have a clue how to make a reasonable resolution, which is why most of us fail to keep the ones we make. We set high goals for ourselves, and then wonder why we never attain them. So we either stop setting goals (never a good choice), or make resolutions that are ridiculously easy to keep. I asked a friend what his New Year's resolution was last year. He thought very seriously and then replied "Breathing." An admirable goal, but hopefully not one he'll have to struggle to keep!  I reign as the undisputed king of the broken resolution. Lose Weight. Exercise. And, of course, the invariably stress-inducing I Must Relax More. They all failed, and not because I wasn't sincere when I made them. I'd say it, I'd mean it, and then I did . . . absolutely nothing. Oh sure, the resolution stood firm for a few weeks and mostly made me feel guilty and ineffectual. But I never did anything about it because I didn't have a plan. Once I realized this, I made a prompt if somewhat tardy, New Year's resolution (Okay, really tardy. It was April). This year was going to be different. Only this time, my resolution was to figure out a way to keep resolutions.

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ACHIEVING SUCCESS…Some goal setting tips for New Year’s

resolutions Researched by Resolver Staff

Determined that this year you'll keep those New Year's Resolutions? Here are a few goal setting tips to get you started!DON'T TRY EVERYTHING AT ONCE!

There seems to be a temptation, with the New Year, to run off a list of everything we've ever wanted to change. Don't fall for it! You'll have better luck fulfilling one or two goals than you will with a list of fifty. You can always add new resolutions to your list later. Take one thing at a time.WORD IT CAREFULLY.

Let's say your resolution is to relax more in the coming year. Word this carefully. Try not to think of it as "This year I am going to relax." That's a stress-inducer waiting to happen. It forces you into thinking of the resolution as something you must do, not something you want to do. Try to make it sound a little gentler: "This year I'm going to explore different ways of relaxing." It also suggests more of a plan—you'll fulfill the resolution by experimenting with relaxation techniques. The first resolution sounds as if you're going to force yourself to relax by sheer willpower.MAKE A PLAN.

Once you know what your resolution is, try to break it down. Nobody accomplishes anything of significance by trying to do it all at once. This doesn't have to be a complicated plan; just brainstorm enough to give you a place to start.   

For relaxing, you might devise a plan like this: 1. Surf the Internet to find different relaxation techniques.2. Make a list of all the techniques that interest you.  3. Pick one of these techniques—meditation, progressive relaxation or self-

hypnosis, for instance—and try one for a month. 4. Try a different technique every month until you find one you like.

WRITE IT DOWN.

Write down your resolution and your plan of action. Stick it up on the fridge, in your locker, wherever you know you'll see it. That way you'll have a constant reminder of the resolution. You may want to change the wording as time passes and your goal changes.

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….BUT WHO’S TO BLAME FOR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS??

 

Okay, now to answer the questions we all really want to know about New Year's resolutions: Who's to blame, and do they have an e-mail address so we can flame them?   

Well, we're out of luck on the e-mail address, but it looks as if the tradition is as old as New Year's celebrations. The Babylonians celebrated New Years Day over four thousand years ago, although their celebration was in March rather than in January, coinciding with the spring planting of crops.

So if you must break your resolution, break it with pride! You'll be continuing a long tradition of broken resolutions dating back to the dawn of recorded history! And if you had a false start, why you can start again in March, à la Babylonia!

The New Year, no matter when people have celebrated it, has always been a time for looking back to the past, and more importantly, forward to the coming year. It's time to reflect on the changes we want, or often need, if we're to have the motivation move forward.  Resolutions are a reflection of the Babylonians' belief that what a person does on the first day of the New Year will have an effect throughout the entire year. Think about what you did on New Year’s Eve and Day; then decide on your preferred future.

You will never be sorry…..For thinking before acting,

For hearing before judging,For forgiving your enemies,

For helping someone who has fallen,For being honest,

For standing by your principles,For stopping your ears to gossip,

For bridling a slanderous tongue,For harbouring only pure thoughts,

For sympathizing with the afflicted,For being courteous to all.

- Anonymous

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SIX REASONS PEOPLE DON’T LISTEN…AND SOME FUN THINGS YOU CAN DO

ABOUT ITby CARLA RIEGER

It’s frustrating when your co-workers, audience members, teenager – or even your dog --won’t listen. While you can’t control how they receive what you say, you can control how you send it. Here are a few tips on why people don’t listen and what you can do to change it. 1. SHORT ATTENTION SPANS

When asked to guess the average adult attention span, most people say around thirty minutes. According to statistics, however, the average adult attention span is actually only seven seconds. That’s right! Every seven seconds you go away somewhere.  You think about something else.  In fact, you could actually be taking a mental break right now! It is a normal part of how the brain integrates external stimuli – like when your computer starts defragging for a moment while you type.  It helps to pause from time to time when you speak. This allows people to integrate your information or ask a clarifying question. Also, include examples to anchor your concepts. For example (see--I’m doing it now!), a concept without an example is like tree without roots, a house without a foundation, or Sonny without Cher. It just doesn’t have as much staying power. 

2. TOO MANY DISTRACTIONS

I was in a meeting the other day and five people coughed, four people side talked, three cell phones rang, two people went to the restroom, and a partridge did email on his PDA. Distractions are a big part of modern life. Your best bet is to acknowledge the distractions in a playful way such as a manager who recently led a meeting I attended. When a cell phone rang, he grabbed for it and said, “Oh, that’s for me….my mother likes to check in on me from time to time”. That prompted everyone to turn off their phones.3. LACK OF TRAINING

Few of us were formally taught how to listen. While you probably took Reading 8, Writing 11, did you ever take Listening 10? It’s little wonder listening is challenging. Quite accidentally, I learned how to listen by practicing meditation. After a five-day retreat, I felt very light-hearted and so went to visit my aging father who was hard of hearing. My habit was to sit vacantly for hours while he complained about his arthritis, the error on his bank statement, and how hard it is to find good slippers. After this retreat, I surprised myself by totally paying attention to him with patience and compassion. After about ten minutes of complaining he suddenly changed tracks and started telling me fascinating and funny stories about his childhood. Then he cranked up his hearing aid—and asked about me! Learn how to be present with people, give them your full, undivided attention and be ready for some pleasant surprises.

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4. LANGUAGE BARRIERS

It is no secret that the world of business is fast becoming a multicultural world. Although English is the default language of commerce, many people in your audience may speak English as a second language. Last month I was addressing a large insurance company where most attendees turned out to be new immigrants from China.  I used the expression “getting jiggy with it”, and I saw people rifling through their dictionaries. This prompted me to say “I’m sorry, that went way over your head”, and a number of people looked up at the ceiling. If your listeners are ESL or have a more basic educational background, you need to simplify your language. Use much more literal descriptions rather than cultural expressions. Use facial and body language to express humour, and fewer words. 5. UNCHECKED ASSUMPTIONS

Back in the 70s, Gilda Radner a comedienne who regularly performed on Saturday Night Live was well known for her popular character Emily Litella, a social activist with a hearing problem. Her causes included such important issues as violins on television, soviet jewellery and endangered feces. Believe it or not, those Emily Litella types can be found in your audiences.  For example, I once told a story about my mother who was a secretary for the British Civil Service in WWII. She spent most of her time daydreaming that her boss would burst into the room and ask her to spy against the Germans. She could leave the nasty paperwork behind, don a disguise and become the next Mata Hari. Needless to say, one day her boss did burst into the room but instead he fired her for daydreaming all the time. A woman approached me after this story and told me that she used to be a Hari Krishna, too.  One way to clear up false assumptions is to state your point in many different ways.6. NO REASON TO LISTEN

Finally, the main reason people don’t listen is because you haven’t answered their favourite question: “What’s in it for me?” Before you start a long-winded monologue, tell your listener why you need their attention and make sure they understand how it will be benefit them. For example, “I’d like to tell you about this free software that will block all the spam before it gets to your Inbox…interested?” That will give you much better results than “When I was a youngster and I sat down in front of my first computer, I asked myself how can I make this machine work for me…”  In general, put yourself in your listener’s shoes before you talk and their ears tend to perk up.

And just remember the greatest of all wisdom--no one ever listened themselves out of a new friendship.

CARLA RIEGER is a professional speaker, facilitator, humorist, and performance storyteller. She is the director of YES Education Systems, a creative communications consulting firm. Carla has written three critically acclaimed manuals, The Power of Laughter, Speaking on the Funny Side of the Brain and The Heart of Presenting, in addition to many articles in trade journals and magazines. As a frequent speaker and performer before all types of business and civic groups internationally, Carla helps them build bridges both inside and out.

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A TIME TO RECONNECT AND TO REMEMBER THE DEEPER ASPECTS

OF BEING HUMAN.By John Izzo, Ph.D.

At this time of year, it is often the case that leaders and managers question themselves as to how close they should get to their staff ? In an article this past Friday in the Globe & Mail, Dr. John Izzo argued that the more we get to know employees as people, the more committed they will be. Dr. Izzo also offered concrete suggestions on

how managers can get closer to their employees without creating problems. I think you will find it interesting to access his article which you may also want to share with other leaders in your circle of influence.

Resolver Staff 

As I have talked to people this week almost everyone had expressed joy that the holidays, along with time for self and others, is just around the corner. The holiday season can be a time to reconnect and to remember the deeper aspects of being human.

Just this past week while speaking to a hospital client in Missouri, a manager mentioned seeing a man staring at the directional signs in the lobby of the hospital. She sensed something and asked if he was ok? After some probing (and it did take some willingness to probe) she discovered that his wife was in the hospital and that he had no money for gas or food and that his grandchildren were living with him and had no presents for the holidays. Within days a flood of kindness flowed from staff members, themselves stretched for the holidays, which brought food, gas money and many presents for the children. It all started because amidst the busyness, someone stopped to notice.

Just before I wrote this, I listened to a message from a fellow author who had read the above referenced article in the newspaper and called just to express his appreciation.

In the course of his message he told me that he was dying of cancer and had very little time left, which he was spending with family but “wanted to let me know what a good job I had done”. My eyes in tears, I was moved by his willingness to congratulate me amidst such immensity.

May each of us take the time to notice and to give of ourselves during this season; and, in the process, find a reason for true joy. Such giving can take many forms but always begins with an open heart. In my humble opinion, this is what being human is all about.

In every child who

is born, no matter under what circumstances, and no matter to what parents, the potentiality of the human race is born again.

- James Agee

DR. JOHN IZZO provides practical ideas and thoughtful insights from his work with more than 500 organizations. His clients include non-profit organizations, Fortune 500 companies, Healthcare Organizations and mid-size companies. He is practical, offering memorable tools to help people and organizations achieve their goals and focuses on helping leaders and organizations reach sustainable success through the integration of purposeful leadership and business practices.

The Resolver December Edition Page 16 of 19

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING NEW AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT…….

We thought this seasonal edition would benefit by ending with a focus on states which are too often in short supply…

…here’s looking at Love, friendship and fun…..

Love is a four letter word, but we don’t hear it as often as we hear some other four-letter words.

It may be a sign of the times that everyone talks openly about sex, but we seem to be embarrassed to talk about love.

Thomas Sowell - Forbes

…and looking at friendships….Friendships are different from all other relationships.

Unlike acquaintances, friendship is based on love. Unlike lovers and married couples, it is free of jealousy.

Unlike children and patents, it knows neither criticism nor resentment.Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are contractual, parents are

bound by the law and so is marriage.But real friendships are freely entered into, freely given, and freely exercised.

Stephen Ambrose – Comrades (Simon & Schuster)

…and for a ‘further’ touch of humorous irony (or fun-nonsense)…

If your parents didn’t have any children,there’s a good chance you won’t have any!

Clarence Day

….OR….CHRISTMAS and The THREE WISE MEN

Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise WOMEN instead of Three Wise Men?

They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable,

made a casserole, and brought practical gifts.

The Resolver December Edition Page 18 of 19

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