The Pulse 11.34 » August 21, 2014

The PulseCHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE AUGUST 21, 2014

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GREEN HOME REMODELINGWHAT TO DO, WHERE TO GO, HOW TO MAKE IT WORK

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201421 Contents

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next Week in The pulse

GOING GREEN AT HOMERemodeling? There are lots of environment-friendly options

THe FiNe priNT: the Pulse is published weekly by Brewer media and is distributed throughout the city of chattanooga and surrounding communities. the Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. the Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. no person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. We’re watching. the Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. contents copyright © 2014 by Brewer media. all rights reserved.

VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 34

SCENIC IN THE CITYScenic channels ’90s college/alt rock in the best way

VoicesALEX tEACH: Officer Alex pontificates on Ferguson, MO and asks that people wait for the facts

FeaturesAutO: In search of the most efficient car in America today

sCREEN: “Boyhood” is stunning in its universal reveals

RECORDs: Phil Kay invites escapes, White Reaper isn’t afraid to rawk

ARts: The arts rev up in late August and September…

FOOD: “Miracle berries” are fun adult food experiment

MIXOLOgY: Why is there fruit in my beer? We find out...

HappeningsBEgINNINgs: Chattanoogans need access to healthy, affordable food

LIVE MusIC CALENDAR

ENtERtAINMENt CALENDAR

5348 Highway 153 at Hixson Pike • Chattanooga • www.MarshallMizeFord.com

Good selection! All makes and models.Call Mike Hicks, The Credit Doctor

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NewS • ViewS • raNTS • raVeSupdaTeS » chaTTanoogaPulse.com FaCebook/chaTTanoogaPulse

EMAIL loVe leTTeRs, aDVIce & TRash TalK To [email protected]

Battling To End All Food Deserts We’ve got our North Chattanooga Publix—but food deserts still exist

Let us be an example that every community needs and deserves healthy food close to where they live”

“When I moved to North Chatta-

nooga in 2000, I would ask various community leaders when a grocery store was going to open in the area. “You’ll have to settle for Bueller’s,” one guy told me. (Bueller’s is a small grocer on Market Street with limited selection—great for the communi-ties it serves, but not a store for the masses).

And then Greenlife came to River-view. The quaint store on the corner definitely fit the hippie, all-natural vibe the area was coming to embody. The Pruett family saw the benefits of a new business model with Green-life. Meanwhile, a food desert lan-

guished at the intersection of North Market and Frazier/Cherokee.

To qualify as a “low-access community,” at least 500 people and/or at least 33 percent of the census tract’s population must reside more than one mile from a supermarket or large gro-cery store (for rural census tracts, the distance is more than 10 miles). The closest large gro-cery store in those days was the Bi-Lo on Sig-nal Mountain Road, which is three miles away.

And even when it opened in 1999, the G r e e n l i f e store in Riv-erview was

never really considered a full-service grocery store. The founders knew this and opened a gleaming, platinum LEED-certified structure on Manufacturers Road. The new store gar-nered so much business the smaller store in Riverview was soon closed.

The Hill City community now had a grocery store within walking distance, but few low-income residents could afford the steep prices. Another glaring irony was the fact the high-priced store was on Manufacturers Road, long synonymous with blue-collar workers.

By 2011, Whole Foods Markets had pur-chased Greenlife Grocery and completely re-modeled the store. But again, many who lived near the store couldn’t afford to shop there.

Rumors began to surface about a grocery store coming to the North Market area. I re-member driving by the tract of land where a dilapidated former gas station stood. Could a

full-service grocery store com-plete the area’s renaissance? Everyone I talked to said no. By looking at the tract of land, it was way too small.

Until, one day, a large wooden sign declaring “Publix coming soon!” was erected. Was it a mi-rage in this food desert? And a Publix at that! The chain that continually ranks highest in cus-tomer satisfaction was on its way.

But then it started to sink in. Of course Publix. Their employ-ees and shareholders know what consumers want. From my own experience in Fort Myers, the grocery chain was in every single neighborhood. Now the people of Hill City were about to ex-perience it for themselves. Now this one-time food desert has its oasis.

But other communities are still living in their deserts. Let us be an example that every commu-nity needs and deserves healthy food close to where they live. It shouldn’t be a privilege. To the decision-makers: Please recon-sider where you put your stores. It may seem scary to place a store in a “high crime” area. But chances are that community will welcome you with open arms—and your presence will make a crucial difference.

ViewsKEVIN HALE

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Steve O’Neil, MSc, has twenty years of profes-sional

experience with environ-mental-related organizations including executive manage-ment, advisor, corporate gov-ernance, and founding entre-preneur. Steve is Managing Partner of Consensus Energy,

a commercial and industrial energy-savings consulting with offices in Chattanooga and Atlanta. Steve has served as Executive Director of the Chattanooga Nature Center, Executive Director of South-Wings, SE Regional Director of Center for the Restoration of Waters @ Ocean Arks In-ternational, and has served on the boards of the Chattanooga Nature Center and Dogwood Alliance in North Carolina.

Steve O’Neil

EdiToonby Rick Baldwin

This past Monday, the Lookout Farmers Market kicked off their newest market loca-tion with a grand opening ceremony at Ham-ilton Place.

The new farmers market is located in a high-traffic area, at New Hope Presbyterian Church on Shallowford Road, just across from Hamilton Place Mall.

The Lookout Farmers Market supports and encourages organic and sustainable growing practices by bringing local farmers to their six area markets. All farmers and producers par-ticipating in the Lookout Farmers Market are located within 100 miles of the market and use sustainable farming practices. The principle of “know your farmer, know your food,” is one

of the best parts of the markets’ environment. Organizers plan to have the market run ev-

ery Monday through Christmas. Locally grown fresh produce, baked goods, grass-fed meats, free ranged eggs, herbs, breads, cakes, pas-tries, jam, nuts, doggie treats, fresh-squeezed lemonade, herbs, candles, soap, botanicals, art, jewelry, prepared foods and food carts will be featured, as well as weekly entertainment, educational programs, and fun activities.

The Lookout Farmers Market strives to be accessible to everyone and therefore the mar-ket is accepting SNAP/EBT cards to make or-ganically grown, fresh, local produce more af-fordable and available to low-income families.

— Staff

To Market, To Market Each Day of the Week

David Traver Adolphus is our resident car geek, covering

all things automotive for us on a monthly basis. David is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full-time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old

AND new cars. David occa-sionally contributes to Road & Track and often to road-andtrack.com and elsewhere. He is also the founder of The Road Home, a nonprofit ben-efitting post-9/11 veterans. He welcomes the inevitable and probably richly deserved kvetching about Airbag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus. He is still waiting to hear back from VW on his SUV name idea.

David Traver Adolphus

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It’s easy to make a claim for fuel efficiency. A small engine, some battery packs, regenerative brak-ing, low-rolling resistance tires and high-efficiency electric mo-tors and your ads can say your Chevy Volt is EPA rated at 98eMPG.

There is a whole lot of controversy and disagree-ment about exactly how the eMPG standard should be calculated and I care so little about it that I dozed off briefly between typ-ing “e” and “M.” Because there’s one very important factor usually overlooked when talking about hybrid cars: Every time someone buys one, a baby panda

dies.If you want to be green,

then your job is to not just to minimize your carbon footprint, but your over-all carbon debt. Carbon

debt rep-resents the c o m p l e t e energy ex-p e n d i t u r e i n v o l v e d in getting

a car into your hands, and it’s not easy to figure out, but basically you want a car built not just efficient-ly, but as close to you as possible, to minimize the transportation costs.

Obviously, a Chattanoo-ga-built VW sounds ideal, but as none of those are more than three years old, they’re eliminated from contention for reasons

we’ll discuss later.Since that doesn’t work,

an American-built hybrid would seem like the logi-cal alternative. High-MPG cars can make claims of greenness because as you drive around burning gas, you’re adding to your total carbon debt, thus making it harder to pay off.

Poor mileage is like a high interest rate on a credit card; and using less gas is a low rate, so you can make that payoff faster. That assumes, however, that each gallon of gas is equal in each car, which is where the electric car falls down hard, because a big chunk of the gas they use comes from China.

To build an electric bat-tery capable of moving a 3,000 pound car for a couple hundred miles, you need rare earth elements, and China takes some-where north of 90 percent of the world’s supply out

of the ground. Not to offend any read-

ers with a stake in a Chi-nese mining concern, but they’re not exactly famous for doing it cleanly (Bei-jing Olympics, anyone?).

The “rare” part of “rare earth” makes it very, very hard to do this cleanly to begin with, as these met-als occur in minute quan-tities, which requires moving vast quantities of dirt. To move all that dirt, there’s really no substitute for enslaving pandas and teaching them to sniff out scandium, yttrium and lan-thanides.

Unfortunately, their little paws soon become raw, and the average min-ing panda dies of blood poisoning within the first eight months on the job, after which they’re har-vested for their pelts.

All of this creates an car-bon debt associated with making high-tech batter-

The Most Efficient Car in America Is...It’s not what you think, and pandas are involved

David Traver Adolphus is a freelance automotive researcher who recently quit his full time job writing about old cars to pursue his lifelong dream of writing about old AND new cars. He welcomes the inevitable and probably richly deserved kvetching about Airbag and anything else on Twitter as @proscriptus.

Air Bag

DAVID TRAVER ADOLPHUS

“Those battery packs only last 10 years or so, so unless you hook your fancy hybrid to a horse and never actually turn it on, you’re trapped in carbon debt you can never repay.”

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ies and despite a worldwide forced panda breeding initiative, it’s un-sustainable. On top of all that, those battery packs only last 10 years or so, so unless you hook your fancy hybrid to a horse and never actually turn it on, you’re trapped in carbon debt you can never repay.

But what if you could find a car that came with zero car-bon debt? You’d be starting with a clean credit record and no outstanding bal-ance, so what you did from there would be entirely your responsibility.

This car would have to meet all the criteria—low initial impact; low secondary impact (cargo freighters contribute like 20 percent of total worldwide airborne particulates); and low user impact—high mileage and low maintenance. This car is a 1991 Toyota Corolla.

Built at the old California NUM-MI plant, any carbon debt the Co-rolla accrued was paid decades ago. A 110hp 1.6 liter gem of an engine runs for 250,000 miles before it even starts thinking about getting old, while giving 26MPG city on low oc-

tane gas.They handle beautifully, age well

and never break down. You could also buy a Marysville, Ohio-built Honda Civic or Accord from the same era and get more or less the same experience, but you get the

idea. OK, or a Westmoreland-built Rabbit.

The point is, no new car can ever be as en-vironmentally friendly as a re-ally, really old one, especially if it’s remotely fue l -e ff i c ient and built in America. Heck,

a ’60s Ford Falcon with the 200-cu.in. six is a fantastic car, and a low-mileage cherry of any one of these won’t cost you more than $7,500. You’re not going to be getting into a 2015 TDI Golf for that.

So the next time you see someone drive by in a Prius, just come right up behind them in your 19-year-old Ford Contour, put on your smug-gest expression, and pass them in a big cloud of smoke. After all, you’ve earned it.

No pandas were harmed in the writing of this column.

We do have standards, you know.

“You could also buy a Marysville, Ohio-built Honda Civic

or Accord from the same era and get more or less the

same experience.”

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“Staying put and going green is likely your best option if you’re concerned about the environment and your role in it.”

TrADIng For grEEn SpACESRemodeling? There are lots of environment-friendly options

By Janis HasheWith additional interviews by Steve O’Neil

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You’re a homeowner who either needs to build a new house or make some major changes to the one you have. Then consider this statement from a recent presen-tation to the Remodelers’ Council by local nonproft green|spaces: “It takes 20 to

30 years for the emissions from building operations to outpace the embodied energy and emissions from the building and construction of a building.”

In other words, staying put and go-ing green is likely your best option if you’re concerned about the envi-ronment and your role in it. Luckily, there are many more options out there for the potential “green remodeler” and many of them more than pay for themselves in the long run. Remem-ber “reduce, re-use and recycle”? Turns out that in the remodeling world, that mantra has increasing in-fluence.

According to local builder Ethan Collier of Collier Construction, which specializes in environmentally sound construction, “We are building homes entirely differently than we did 20 years ago. We can create the same sort of home that now that uses about half as much energy as it used to.”

Changes in home building/remodel-ing materials can mean a great deal not only for energy savings, but also can lead to better health, less waste and, ultimately, a healthier planet. Paints with low VOCs (volatile organic compounds) are now commonplace; wood harvested in an environmentally sound manner can be sourced eas-

ily. Hint: look for the FSC label on wood packaging. This is wood that is independently certified by the Forest Stewardship Council, which—impor-tantly—tracks the chain of custody of any wood products carrying the label. You can even re-build your home entirely from recycled asphalt roof shingles and other urban-industrial wastes using RamRock Compression-Formed Masonry, a local green build-ing startup and semifinalist in Silicon Valley’s 2014 Cleantech Open, saving thousands of tons of waste from local area landfills.

Making the whole house greenTim Swafford, owner of Swafford

Construction, named “Remodeler of the Year” multiple times by the Home Builders Association, highly recom-mends that homeowners request the free energy evaluation provided by EPB. “From doors and windows to insulation and heating/ventilation, they will recommend the best ways to become energy efficient before you make your remodeling decisions,” he says. He notes, “We look at the whole

‘envelope’ of the house; what will benefit the homeowner the most in the long term in energy savings.”

green aboveSwafford also points to tile and

metal roofs as a major way to become more environmentally friendly, a view soundly reinforced by Randy Troope, Jr. of RT Construction, LLC, a company specializing in new roofs. “Right now, only a small percentage of our clients are asking about green roofs, but it’s growing,” Troope says. “These type of roofs are a higher-end product, but their longevity—about 40 to 50 years— is far higher than a typi-cal asphalt shingle roof,” he says. And not only do these type of roofs result in savings over a period of time, but they are energy-savers as well, he says. “They reflect heat in the summer and help contain it in winter. There are also tax credits that may be available for installing these types of roofs.”

Remodeling clients are often sur-prised to learn that both tile and metal roofs can be adapted to match virtu-ally any style of home—and the range


of products is constantly changing. “Even if the product is brand-new to the market, we can accommodate it,” Troope says.

Walking on greenMajor advances have also been

made in the flooring industry, says Chattanooga Flooring Center Manager Rhonda Gay. Like Randy Troope, she says only a small per-centage of clients come in asking specifically for green products, but among younger buyers, the percent-age rises.

Those looking for carpeting are often directed to Mohawk Smart-Strand offerings,which are made from renewable resources and come in a huge range of styles, colors and price points, from $14 to $35 per yard. She adds that another area green shoppers should look at is carpet padding, which now includes a range of green-certified options, some made from recycled materials that need replacing far less often—lessening the burden on landfills.

Gay recommends that people looking to replace or install hard-wood floors take a look at bamboo or cork flooring. “Cork is something many people don’t think of at first, but it’s renewable, does not emit gasses in the home, and is currently being farmed so that there is little impact on the environment,” she says. However, it’s worth noting that architect David Bergman, a cork fan generally, adds this information: “As the wine industry has moved from cork to plastic and metal stoppers, demand [overall] for cork has actu-ally fallen. But, there some nega-tive factors to look at as well. One is transportation. Cork is grown in Spain and Portugal so, like, bamboo, it has to travel quite a distance…That distance translates to a carbon footprint. When looked at that way, a strong argument can be made that a responsibly harvested (or, better yet, salvaged) local wood is more eco than cork.”

For bath and kitchens, tile re-mains the go-to choice for the green

remodeler, and there are more op-tions than ever, Gay says.

Kitchen and bath greenWhat about those top-of-mind

home remodels, kitchen and bath? Frank Baker, owner of Stone Source, a local company that creates kitchen and bath surfaces, prefers to use to use porcelains that are sourced from local areas, keeping transporta-tion costs and emissions down. He also uses recycled quartz on many projects. “Our clients like to make environmentally responsible choices if they’re easy to make,” says Baker. “More products and options are coming into the market, and prices are dropping.” There is now a mar-ket for the bits and pieces of granite that Stone Source discards, he says. “Every week, someone from a com-pany called Takin’ for Granite picks up our unused materials and recycles them into road pavers and other use-ful products.”

Tim Swafford notes the increase in requests for countertops made from recycled paper and glass. And as far as bathroom fixtures, low-flow, extra-low-flow and super-low-flow toilets have been around for years now, in many cases mandated by new environmental laws governing construction. But if you think your phone is “smart,” check out the winning entry in the 2012 Bill and Melinda Gates “Reinvent the Toi-

let” contest. Created by a team from CalTech, the toilet disinfects waste (and composts it), is non-polluting, and is also of course ultra-low-flow. Consider replacing that avocado green relic of the ’70s in your bath-room with one of these babies, or its currently available brethren.

Don’t forget green furniture“Reclaimed wood furniture is full

of character and charm,” says Rena Keller, a buyer for Southeastern Salvage, which is currently featur-ing a whole range of reclaimed wood pieces from India.

“Reclaimed wood comes from tim-bers, doors, windows, and decking rescued from old buildings, houses, warehouses, barns, fences, wag-ons, ships, and docks left along the streets, shorelines and empty fields of India,” she explains.

“People are buying several pieces at a time. In fact, we’ve ordered 40 more containers of this furniture; it’s proving very popular and we intend to continue to carry it.

“Industrial styling is the hottest new trend in interior design,” Keller notes. “Its unpolished character of-fers a quality you just can’t find in new wood. Its popularity comes from its unique appearance, contribution to green building, history of the wood’s origins, and physical charac-teristics such as strength, stability, and durability.”

Construction/Contractors: • Ethan Collier, Collier

Construction, collierbuild.net• Tim Swafford, Swafford

Construction, (423) 619-4113• Stuart Gaines, New Blue

Construction, [email protected]

• Kevin Osteen, Osteen Construction, [email protected]

• RamRock Compression-Formed Masonry: ramrock.com

EPB contacts for home energy evaluation:• Greg Epperson,

[email protected]• David Pierano,

[email protected]

Affordable housing: • Adamson Development,

[email protected]

Green roof replacement: • RT Construction, LLC,

rooferchattanoogatennessee.com

Green floor coverings: • Chattanooga Flooring Center,

chattanoogaflooringcenter.com

Green kitchen and bath surfaces: • Stone Source,

stonesourceinc.com

More resources/complete Remodelers’ Association report: • green|spaces,

greenspaceschattanooga.com

Home & Remodeling Expo, Aug. 23-24, Chattanooga Convention Center, hbagc.net

green remodeling resources

Furniture made from reclaimed Indian wood available at Southeastern Salvage


global Snap, Crackle, popEfficient and renewable are the energy ways of the futureBy Steve O’Neil

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trillion dollars could be saved in the U.S. during the next 10 years through energy efficiency measures alone.

Energy efficiency involves measur-ing the output and quality of goods and services generated with a given set of inputs. There is a subtle dif-ference between “conservation” and “efficiency”. These concepts are intertwined and close cousins—but distinct. Conservation is turning things off, or doing without unneces-sary things or expenditures; efficiency is doing more with less. Combining the two is an order of magnitude in savings.

Approximately 30 percent of the planet’s energy is consumed in homes and commercial buildings. (International Energy Outlook, 2013) This represents 81 quadrillion Brit-

“The former executive director of the Sierra Club may have put it best when he said, ‘Efficiency is the steak; renewables are the sizzle.’”

Energy efficiency is not sexy. You can’t really see it. You can’t point to it. But it has enormous potential to affect the planet’s growing thirst for power. According to a

recent World Energy Outlook report: “By 2030, energy effi-ciency and behavior change will offset more CO2 than all new wind, solar and alternative energy generation combined.”

Say what? Think about it: Since the 1970s,

the country’s economy has grown 300 percent while our energy demand has only grown by about 50 percent. How did that happen? “We have built things lighter, brighter, leaner and better over the past 40 years,” says Ray Segars, principal of Expo Energy and former executive with the Georgia Power Company. And things are still getting more efficient by leaps and

bounds. We hear a lot about solar and wind

power. Maybe it’s because renewables are front and center in a great deal of news coverage. The gains in energy efficiency, however, are truly revolu-tionary. The former executive director of the Sierra Club, Carl Pope, may have put it best when he said, “Ef-ficiency is the steak; renewables are the sizzle.” The McKinsey Energy Efficiency Report estimates that $1.2


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ish Thermal Units, (1 kilowatt = 3,412.142 BTU/hr). That’s a lot of energy. Ready for a surprise? Seven-ty-four quadrillion BTus are wasted. That’s right—it requires almost two BTus produced for every one BTu that is actually used. That is a lot of losses! Some of that loss is in genera-tion and transportation of energy, but a lot of it is just wasted after it arrives in our homes and businesses.

So what to do? Increasingly, businesses are finding

that in order to stay competitive, they have to routinely assess the way they are using energy and adapt. You can hardly walk into a hotel, for example, and not find effi-cient light bulbs and controls throughout.

Better lights, insulation, con-trols, windows, high-efficiency HVAC sys-tems, landscape design, tankless water heaters are just a few ideas that can generate im-pressive savings. Taken all together, these form a “game changer”, accord-ing to Segars.

“Energy efficiency is an invest-ment that pays serious returns,” says Ben Taube of BLT Sustainability Consulting of Atlanta. “In today’s low-interest environment, an invest-ment with a three-year payback is a simple 33 percent return on invest-ment! It’s hard to come across those sort of returns in traditional mar-kets.” According to Amory Lovins of the Rocky Mountain Institute, the comparative ROI “isn’t even close” between solar, wind, nuclear and energy efficiency.

And, of course as energy prices in-crease the return-on-investment gets even better.

System modifications can be deployed without even a capital com-mitment, says Ed Outlaw of Con-

sensus Energy. Through a “shared savings” program, certain efficiency retrofits can be paid for by simply sharing the savings over a defined period. “We put in the system at our cost, and agree upon a method by which the savings will be calculated. The client enjoys new lights, better safety, less maintenance, and shows a commitment to the environment, all at no cost. Once the shared savings period is concluded, the client gets to keep 100 percent of the savings,” he explains.

The notion that energy efficiency and a reduction in nation’s CO2 will be too expensive for the country

to absorb is a narrow perspec-tive, according to Taube. “There is enormous growth potential in this sector. As energy prices continue to rise, newer technolo-gies will explode into the market-

place, creating jobs and delivering better, more efficient services than we ever dreamed possible.”

Wait until you see what’s coming: individual temperature and lighting controls, triggered by a transmitter from your phone or watch, smart thermostats that determine how many people are in a room at any given time, flash cooling and heat-ing of rooms, plasma…innovation is everywhere, much of it flying under the radar. The next time you are at a stop light, look up and marvel at the Light Emitting Diodes (LED) that now exist in most major metropolitan areas, and think that just 20 years ago these lights were mostly incandes-cent bulbs that needed to be changed every few months and used about 80 percent more energy.

The future is bright…and clean-er…and cheaper.

“You can hardly walk into a hotel, for

example, and not find efficient light

bulbs and controls throughout.”


ScreenJOHN DEVORE

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✴ ✴ ✴ ✴ NEW IN THEATERS ✴ ✴ ✴ ✴

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For Nine years after the original film, some more of Sin City’s most hard-boiled citizens cross paths with a few of its more reviled inhabitants.Directors: Frank Miller | Robert Rodri-guezStars: Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba, Josh Brolin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Are You Here Two childhood best friends embark on a road trip back to their hometown after one of them learns he has inher-ited a large sum of money from his re-cently deceased estranged father.Director: Matthew WeinerStars: Owen Wilson, Zach Galifianakis, Amy Poehler, Jay Gates

Look, up In the (stormy) sky!More sharks, more bad weather—now on the big screen

One of the more unlikely television film successes in recent memory was SyFy’s instant cult classic “Sharkna-do”. When it aired, the sheer ridicu-lousness of the plot (and the acting, and the effects) made it a viral sensa-tion on Twitter and social media.

Needless to say, anytime a movie is successful (for whatever reason), a sequel is well-nigh inevitable. So, naturally, SyFy immediately green-lit a sequel, the aptly-named “Sharkna-do 2: The Second One”.

The plot is simple: A freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado

on the population and its most cher-ished iconic sites—and only the two lead characters can save the Big Ap-ple.

It stars a who’s-who of ’90s TV ac-tors, including Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Kari Wuhrer, musician Mark Mc-Grath, and for reasons known only to his agent, Judd Hirsch. And now you can see it on the Big Screen with really Big Sharks.

“Sharknado 2: The Second one”8 p.m.East Ridge 185080 S. Terrace, East Ridgecarmike.com Despite

being an achievement in modern filmmaking, the film’s heart is found in the sublime elegance of the ordinary.”

“

The Eternal Lightness of growing Up

From our own perspective, we have large moments that change who we are, but those come from an impression, a memory of the events that changes in significance through the passage of time. If someone watches from the outside, they will only see the inevitable or the understated seg-ments of a life full of normal progression.

Richard Linklater’s much-lauded film “Boyhood” allows us to watch these mo-ments for ourselves. Filmed over the course of 12 years, using the same actors, we see the characters change and grow in real time over the length of the project. Many of the reviews so far have praised the technical achievement of the film—the scope of a planning a 12-year film shoot is a staggering thought, indeed.

But more than that, this film features a rawness of emotion and a genuine beauty that transcends a potentially gimmicky premise. The story isn’t told over 12 years just to prove that could be done; it is told over 12 years because the story requires it. Despite being an achievement in modern filmmaking, the film’s heart is found in the sublime elegance of the ordinary.

The film opens with six-year-old Mason Evans Jr. (Ellar Coltrane) looking at the sky. He shares a room with his irritating

LIFE IS A COLLECTION OF SMALL MOMENTS THAT rarely add up to large ones. Very few of us will have a time

when we stand against the world, battered by the storm, to be counted among those who have left a mark on history. More often, a collection of small pieces of time is the only way to derive mean-ing in such a short existence.

“Boyhood” is stunning in its universal reveals, sheer filmmaking achievement


older sister Samantha (Lorelei Linklat-er), and they live in a small house with their mother. His father is somewhere in Alaska. We see flashes from his per-spective: his listening in as mother ar-gues with her boyfriend about babysit-ters, his delinquent tendencies as he sprays graffiti in a storm drain with an older neighbor, his quiet acceptance of the loss of a friend as the family moves to Houston when his mother seeks more opportunities through education.

These moments increase and change as Mason grows older. He moves from house to house as his mother moves from relationship to relationship, ma-turing and experiencing the world through the misunderstanding and heartbreak. But there is joy as well, in the visits with his father or bonding

with new step-siblings. As it is with everyone, there are beginnings and endings, some more sudden than oth-ers, but all shaping him into the person he is at the conclusion of the film.

Mason and his sister are unwilling nomads in the journey of survival that is single parenting. Their mother does her best to provide, but she keeps falling for the same types of men: the deep, but unavailable who self-medicate to hide from some buried pain. Mason’s father is not necessarily absent, but neither is he present. He appears as the fun parent, the under-

standing dispenser of advice and emo-tional support that vanishes at the hint of responsibility.

There is certainly an element of disdain on the side of Mason’s mother towards his father, which is used as an excuse for distance. Mason’s father (Ethan Hawke) has the freedom to live in Alaska if he wishes. His mother Olivia (Patricia Arquette) does not. As with most single-parent families, the burden of parenting falls to the moth-er, who does the best she can.

The story is a common one, a fact of life for many families across the coun-

try. But the facts of Mason’s life are not his defining characteristic. Instead, he is a combination of these things, an amalgamation of Olivia and Mason Sr., of Houston and the other places he’s lived, of Samantha and all of the friends he has left behind.

One of the more striking elements of the film is how short the 12 years seem. We watch scenes of Mason Jr. spend-ing time with his friends, referencing the world around them, from Halo to Lady Gaga. I remember these things as being very recent, but for Mason they are eternal staples of a long and complicated childhood.

What is a flash for the observer is an eternity for the participant.

As Albert Einstein would say, “That’s relativity.”

“As with most single-parent families, the burden of parenting falls to the

mother, who does the best she can.”


fri8.22SiNg a SoNg

Sandra McCrackenCombining a smart, soulful blend of folk, pop and gospel that is as progressive as it is timeless. 7:30 p.m.The Camp House1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.com

sat8.23rowdY roCkiNg

The Coathangers, pagiins, Folk KillerLike it loud? Like it energetic? Like it raw and uncompromising? Then here’s what you need.10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com

thu8.21do THe HuSTLe

The Scarlet Love Conspiracy, river City HustlersTwo of the city’s best at what they do combine for one speical night.9 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 Market St.rhythm-brews.com

The five tracks of this EP, although unfinished as of now, are upbeat, smart and really, really catchy.”

“

Still Unnamed, But This Ep Is radio-ready

MusicMARC T. MICHAEL

One may get the gist of a great piece of literature by reading the Cliff Notes (are those still a thing?) but one will surely miss what it is that makes the literature great. So labels (particularly in the context of music reviews) are like Cliff Notes. They are, at best, a starting point and anything but definitive.

Bearing these things in mind. it is with the greatest respect and admiration that having listened to Scenic’s newest EP, the as-of-yet unmastered, unreleased, Un-named EP #2, I have boiled it down to a starting point, a label, Cliff Notes for the Chattanooga music scene. I declare this EP (which is sincerely unnamed at the moment) representative of the very best of ’90s college/alt rock. I don’t know if that is what they were shooting for, but it IS what I hear, and that is not meant as faint praise. On the contrary, it is my belief that the so-called alt/college genre reached a high wa-ter mark in the ’90s that hasn’t been seen since.

So, we have a label. Let’s delve a little deeper into precisely what that means. In the case of Scenic and the five tunes they sent me, it means that the vocals are highly melodic, replete with harmonies and coun-ter-melodies and the lyrics themselves are intelligent and well crafted. Dave Jack-son’s guitar is bright, punchy and refined.

getting Kids Jazzy With ItJazzanooga Youth Music Program kicks in

One key—the key—to becoming a good musician is practice, practice, practice. Most legendary musicians first picked up their instruments at young ages and spent the rest of their lives playing what they knew and practicing what they didn’t.

While music lessons and school programs are a great way to practice, they aren’t always available to aspir-ing musicians. Luckily, Chattanooga has organizations like Jazzanooga that celebrate jazz through a month-long festival—and year-round pro-grams.

One such program, created ear-lier this year, is for 12-to-18-year-old Hamilton County students with little or no access to the arts. Designed to “offer progressive, sequential music skill-building and personal learning opportunities” for each student, the Youth Music Academy program is a

series of classes held every Saturday for 12 weeks. And it’s free.

“One of our primary goals with this program was to make music educa-tion and its overall benefits acces-sible to our youth regardless of their financial means,” says Jazzanooga Director Shane Morrow.

Starting mid-September, up to 30 students will study jazz and blues music theory and choose between instrumental and vocal training pro-grams. At the program’s end, stu-dents have the opportunity to show-case their talents individually and within an ensemble at Jazzanooga events.

For more information about the Youth Music Program and Jazzanoo-ga or to register for classes, visit jaz-zanooga.org

— Madeline Chambliss

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AS MUCH AS WE TEND TO ESCHEW LABELS (PARTIC-ularly in music), there is nothing inherently wrong with them.

They have a place and a function. The trouble arises when we at-tach too much significance to a label, when we limit the thing be-ing described to too narrow a definition and when the meaning of a label or description is too ambiguous or ill-defined.

Scenic channels the ’90s college/alt rock music sound in the best way


Full food menu serving lunch and dinner. 11am-2am, 7 days a week.

35 Patten Parkway * 423.468.4192thehonestpint.com * facebook.com/TheHonestPint

honest music local and regional shows

Thu, Aug 21Sun, Aug 24

9pm9pm

Rocky Horror Picture Show Rye Baby & Bird In Hand [FREE]

Live Trivia every Sunday afternoon from 4-6pmRyan Oyer hosts Open Mic every Wednesday @ 8pm

Often I praise a guitarist for being raw (an admirable trait in the appro-priate setting), but this should nev-er imply that the opposite (refined, polished guitar work) isn’t equally desirable and praiseworthy. Chris Wiegand does a hell of a job dou-bling up the guitar with Jackson. Marcus Alcantara’s drums are crisp, bright and kick-ass quick. Blake Porter’s keys fill in the spaces nicely with pretty lead lines and swollen chords and the bass…

Bass players of the world, I apolo-gize. If you fail to do your job prop-erly it wrecks a tune in no time, but when you are doing your job right, well, it’s hard to know what to say.

In the case of Scenic, the bass is perfect for the task at hand, being neither too sparse nor needlessly complicated. If the bass is the glue holding the rest of the band togeth-er. then Josh Rosa is the glue of the highest quality (but please don’t sniff him, kids).

With tracks like “I Killed Laura Palmer”, perhaps the ’90s vibe I get from the work isn’t so mysterious af-ter all. I no longer ask bands what it is they mean to accomplish for fear that what I write will become more what I think they want me to hear than what I actually hear, so I can’t tell you precisely what the guys in the band were trying to achieve, but

I can say this: If they weren’t heav-ily influenced by the music they grew up with, then it’s time for me to find something else to do with my time. Also, Foo Fighters.

The five tracks of this EP, al-though unfinished as of now, are upbeat, smart and really, really catchy. There isn’t a single one that isn’t radio-ready for heavy ro-tation on any station worth listen-ing to, and I’m very keen to hear the end product. Look for a men-tion of Scenic in a sidebar here when the disc is ready to drop. In the meantime, follow Scenic on Facebook or through their pres-ence online at 423 Bragging Rights.

“Eve Apart”

Correct Dates for river City SessionsEditor’s note: In our SOTA issue last week, we didn’t get the dates for some upcoming River City Sessions show quite right. Below is the correct info. So sorry to our friends at RCS!

Jeremy Moore and Jess Goggins will both be appearing at The River City Sessions on Sept. 12. The show will be aired on WUTC on Sept. 28.

Dana Shavin will release her new book on Oct.10, and will be joined by Dave Anderson, guitarist of ARS and Hall of Fame guitarist Phil Weaver. That show will air on WUTC on Oct. 26. Both live shows will be at The Camp House, 1427 Williams St.


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thursday8.21 Live Jazz6 p.m.The Meeting Place1278 Market St.stjohnsrestaurant.comLive Bluegrass6:30 p.m.Whole Foods Market301 Manufacturers Rd.(423) 702-7300Tim neal & Jesse James7:30 p.m.Mexi Wings VII5773 Brainerd Rd. (423) 296-1073The Scarlet Love Conspiracy, river City Hustlers9 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 Market St.rhythm-brews.comopen Mic with Hap Henninger9 p.m.The Office @ City Café901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191Maid Myriad, Jordan Hallquist10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com

friday8.22 Jason Thomas & the Mean-Eyed Cats5 p.m.Chattanooga Choo Choo

1400 Market St.choochoo.comEddie pontiac5:30 p.m.El Meson2204 Hamilton Place Blvd.elmesonrestaurant.comCabinet6 p.m.Southern Brewers Festival Chattanooga Riverfront southernbrewersfestival.orgJohnnyswim, Decibella7 p.m.Miller Plaza850 Market St.nightfallchattanooga.compaul Smith & The Sky High Band7 p.m. Eagles Club6128 Airways Blvd. (423) 326-0202Sandra McCracken

7:30 p.m.The Camp House1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.comSoulive8 p.m.Southern Brewers Festival Chattanooga Riverfront southernbrewersfestival.orgMountain opry8 p.m.Walden’s Ridge Civic Center2501 Fairmount Pk.(423) 899-3252Logan Murrell8:30 p.m.The Foundry1201 S. Broad St.chattanooganhotel.comJerry Fordham9 p.m.The Office @ City Café901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191

Decibella, pack of Wolves9:30 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 Market St.rhythm-brews.comMoe6 p.m.Southern Brewers Festival Chattanooga Riverfront southernbrewersfestival.orgSoCro, Kindora10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.comMad Margritt10 p.m.Bud’s Sports Bar5751 Brainerd Rd.budssportsbar.com Woods, new Madrid, Shark Week10 p.m.Sluggo’s North501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224Sullivan Band10 p.m.Sky Zoo 5709 Lee Hwy. chattazooga.com

saturday8.23 Summer Music Weekends11 a.m.Rock City Gardens1400 Patten Rd.seerockcity.comMagic & Music at the InclineNoonIncline Railway3917 St. Elmo Ave.

Pulse Pick:Jimmy tawaterJimmy has been a legend in Chattanooga for many years, and shows no signs of slowing. If you’re looking for classic rock from an All-Star band, you’re in the right place.

Jimmy Tawater Band8 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 Market St.rhythm-brews.com

LIVE MUSIC

CHATTANOOGA

AUGUST

9.5 THAT 90’S COUNTRY SHOW9.6 GOVINDA 9.11 CRONIC MUSIC BLACKLIGHT

21THU9pTHE SCARLET

AND RIVER CITY HUSTLERS

DECIBELLA with PACK OF WOLVES

23SAT8pJIMMY TAWATER

with THE POWER PLAYERS

27WED9pCANEY VILLAGE

featuring LACEY HAMANN

CHATT UNPLUGGEDBAD SCOUT, OKINAWA, TAB SPENCER

29FRI9pTHE BEATERS

29th ANNIVERSARY PARTY!

30SAT10pRUBIK'S GROOVE

VANILLA ICE TO BRITNEY SPEARS

ALL SHOWS 21+ UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED • NON-SMOKING VENUE

221 MARKET STREETHOT MUSIC • FINE BEER • GREAT FOOD

BUY TICKETS ONLINE • RHYTHM-BREWS.COM

COMING SOON

THE SECRET SISTERSA MUST SEE SHOW - TRUST US!

THE FLOOZIESwith EXMAG and MARVEL YEARS

28THU9p

22FRI9p

14SUN9p

10FRI9p

BAND

LOVECONSPIRACY

SEP

OCT


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Gov’t Mule

ridetheincline.comDoc Shock, Acoustic Mayhem, randy Hedgepath, Davis Mounger, Barry Snyder, Mawre & Co.NoonWilderness Wild FestCoolidge Park200 River St.outdoorchattanooga.com Eric nassau12:30 p.m.Chattanooga River MarketTennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. chattanoogamarket.comAJ ghent4 p.m.Southern Brewers Festival Chattanooga Riverfront southernbrewersfestival.orgJason Thomas & The Mean-Eyed Cats5 p.m.Chattanooga Choo Choo1400 Market St.choochoo.comEddie pontiac5:30 p.m.El Meson2204 Hamilton Place Blvd.elmesonrestaurant.comrandall Bramlett & Friends6 p.m.Southern Brewers Festival Chattanooga Riverfront southernbrewersfestival.orgDana russell, Appointed Quartet, Heritage Quartet6 p.m. East Ridge Community Center1517 Tombras Ave. eastridgetn.orggunpowder & pearls,

Mark Cunningham7:30 p.m.The Camp House1427 Williams St.thecamphouse.comgreensky Bluegrass8 p.m.Southern Brewers Festival Chattanooga Riverfront southernbrewersfestival.orgJimmy Tawater Band, The power players8 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 Market St.rhythm-brews.comAfflicshun8 p.m.Sky Zoo5709 Lee Hwy.chattazooga.comSomethin’ Else8 p.m.Las Margaritas 4604 Skyview Dr.(423) 892-3065Logan Murrell8:30 p.m.The Foundry1201 S. Broad St.chattanooganhotel.comgov’t Mule10 p.m.Southern Brewers Festival Chattanooga Riverfront southernbrewersfestival.orgBeats Workin’10 p.m.The Big Chill & Grill103 Cherokee Blvd.thebigchillandgrill.comThe Coathangers, pagiins, Folk Killer10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.comHap Henninger10 p.m.The Office @ City Café901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191Mad Margritt10 p.m.Bud’s Sports Bar5751 Brainerd Rd.budssportsbar.com

sunday8.24 Summer Music Weekends11 a.m.Rock City Gardens1400 Patten Rd.seerockcity.comEric nassau12:30 p.m.Chattanooga Market1829 Carter St.chattanoogamarket.comAnnabelle’s Curse2 p.m.Chattanooga Market1829 Carter St.chattanoogamarket.comrye Baby, Bird In Hand7 p.m.The Honest Pint35 Patten Pkwy.thehonestpint.com

monday8.25 Big Band night8 p.m.The Palms at Hamilton

6925 Shallowford Rd.thepalmsathamilton.com

tuesday8.26 open Mic with Mike McDade8 p.m.Tremont Tavern1203 Hixson Piketremonttavern.com

wednesday8.27 Eddie pontiac5:30 p.m.El Meson248 Northgate Parkelmesonrestaurant.comopen Mic with ryan oyer8 p.m.The Honest Pint35 Patten Pkwy.thehonestpint.comJimmy Harris8 p.m.The Palms at Hamilton6925 Shallowford Rd.thepalmsathamilton.comCaney Village, Hot Damn9 p.m.Rhythm & Brews221 Market St.rhythm-brews.comMister F10 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com

Map these locations on chatta-noogapulse.com. Send event list-ings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected]

Join us on Facebook

All shows are free with dinner or 2 drinks!Stop by & check out our daily specials!

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri: 4-7pm$1 10oz drafts, $3 32oz drafts,

$2 Wells, $1.50 Domestics, Free Appetizers

901 Carter StInside City Cafe423-634-9191

Thursday, August 21: 9pmOpen Mic with Hap Henninger

Friday, August 22: 9pmJerry Fordham

Saturday, August 23: 10pmHap Henninger

Tuesday, August 26: 7pmServer/Hotel Appreciation Night$5 Pitchers ● $2 Wells ● $1.50 Domestics

The only place in Town where you can sing karaoke anyTime.

Book your Birthday, anniversary or oFFiCeparties now!

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CheCk outthe Cat in the hat


Record ReviewserNie paik

Embracing Electronics, Hammering gleefullyPhil Kay invites escapes, White Reaper isn’t afraid to rawk

Phil Kay, the musician behind the one-man band King of

the Mountains, has a sign on his wall that reads “Is there another way?” as a sort of perpetual re-minder to not go on creative au-topilot.

His primarily synthetic debut solo album Zoetrope reflects this by seemingly rebooting for each track, demonstrating freedom from expectations while cram-ming ideas into each selection.

Kay is best known as a mem-ber of the Manchester band Working for a Nuclear Free City, and while his bandmate Gary McClure began to go down the acoustic path, Kay went into the opposite direction with an even more enthusiastic embrace of electronics. It is not the chilly, robotic approach of groups like Kraftwerk; instead, it conveys a sensitivity, often with an almost organic warm glow of a softly hued LED nightlight.

Don’t be mistaken; Zoetrope

is not an entirely sedate album, and often it has the momentum of a video game soundtrack, like on the opener “Undone,” with persistent nudges and kinetic motivation.

“Surrounded” envelopes the ears with gentle pulses, adding splashes and the synthetic aural equivalent of dropping things into a frying pan, with some choice notes that bend and yield slightly, bringing to mind Kevin Shields’ diving whammy bar ac-tion in My Bloody Valentine.

A few tracks are outwardly dance-oriented, including the brief “Shinkansen,” the click-and-ring-addled, four-on-the-floor insistent beaconing of the title track and the 6/8-time num-ber “Zebra Girls” which seems to fuse mechanic chatterings with something by the BBC Ra-diophonic Workshop.

The most distinctive song on Zoetrope is “Stranger Things Have Happened,” with loops of

squeaky reeds, bells and acoustic guitar motifs, while “Airstrip” in-vokes a touch of early ’70s Brian Eno/Robert Fripp goodness with glistening ambiance and gliding hums, plus a hi-hat beat keeping things moving instead of drifting into a fog.

One point of comparison would be Caribou, down to Kay sounding somewhat like Dan Snaith’s unobtrusive voice, with nuanced arrangements and invit-ing escape routes away from any hackneyed electro paths.

The opening track “Cool,” on the Louisville, KY group

White Reaper’s self-titled debut EP, hammers away gleefully and persistently on a single chord for a good half-minute before the bass even changes a note; in-stead of being punishing, it’s an expression of joy and a sign of impeccable timing.

The band gets it right, on its no-fat 6-track jaunt that doesn’t

waste a second of its 16-minute running time, with jittery, dirt-ied-up garage rock; it doesn’t say anything new, but its delivery and aesthetic carry it with an in-fectious caffeine rush.

Striking a balance with garage rock recordings is difficult—be-ing overproduced (or sound-ing like you’re trying too hard) is practically a sin, while some semblance of clarity above the “boombox in the basement” low-fidelity approach is needed to do justice to good performances.

Here, the correct approach is used, with the band channel-ing its live energy with the right amount of distortion, rawness and articulation with regards to sound separation.

White Reaper generally doesn’t mess with the power-punk-pop formula, although a few surprises are welcome, like the slightly goofy yet endearing keyboard solo in “Half Bad” that appears out of nowhere, much earlier than one might expect in a typical pop song structure.

Vocalist/guitarist Tony Es-posito sings with a bratty brash-ness that isn’t overwrought, and among his rhythm guitar chords are a few wailing moments, as if to express that he isn’t afraid to rawk. Bassist Sam Wilkerson fol-lows the chugfest party line with a few melodic diversions, and Sam’s brother Nick on drums is the requisite powerhouse with characteristic piercing crash cym-bal hits and downward tom runs.

The EP plows through concise stompers, like “She Wants To,” and adrenaline-fueled, needles-in-the-red numbers like “Con-spirator”; if you need a pithy description, White Reaper might be what it sounds like if the members of The Strokes stuck their fingers into electrical out-lets.

King of the MountainsZoetrope(Melodic)

White reaperWhite Reaper(Polyvinyl)

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Kitchen at Union Square supports Culinard, the Culinary Institute of Virginia College Schoolof Business and Health in Chattanooga, where our staff of professional chefs provide alearning lab and teaching establishment for culinary and pastry arts students from the Culinard.


I sat across from my dinner guests, hand outstretched and palm up, offering each of them a small red tablet. “Let it dissolve on your tongue before we begin,” I inst ructed. They each had a look of curious anticipation tinged with a hint of nervousness as they carefully rested the tablets on their tongues in one smooth, communion-like motion.

A few weeks ago, I gath-ered a small group of culi-nary adventurers together for a bizarre and mind-blow-ing experience called “fla-vor-tripping.” Rather than the ’60s-’70s-era parties that sought to alter your mind for

entertainment or enlighten-ment, a flavor-tripping party is meant to briefly alter your palate with an extract of the Synsepalum dulcificum plant (otherwise known as “mira-

cle berries”). The sur-

face of your tongue is covered with r e c e p t o r s that detect tastes from

sweet to umami, from bit-ter to sour. The miracle berry has a glycoprotein that sounds like a bad sci-fi char-acter: miraculin.

When the berry is con-sumed, miraculin latches onto your sour and bitter receptor, preventing you from tasting sour and bit-ter foods. So when you eat a lemon, for example, it tastes

as sweet as lemonade. It may be a stretch to call that a miracle, but it is certainly has some interesting appli-cations.

In the late ’70s, Donald Rumsfeld was the CEO of a company called GD Searle that was pushing aspar-tame through the FDA. At the same time, a company called Miralin was making a splash by using miracle berries as a way to eliminate sugar without nasty chemi-cals or potentially danger-ous man-made substances.

Searle’s strong ties to the FDA allowed them to influ-ence the appointment of an FDA commissioner that was sympathetic to their need to push aspartame through and get it approved. Just as Miralin was about to be launched (and “coinciden-tally” just as aspartame was being approved), Miralin’s miraculin-based product was denied approval and

labeled a “food additive,” which meant years of test-ing that eventually led the company into bankruptcy.

The denial was not based on any scientific evidence of danger but rather on an odd concern that, after eating miraculin, children would begin to crave inorganic ac-ids like battery acid.

It’s worth noting that Searle’s FDA commissioner buddy was around just long enough to label miracle berries as a food additive, push aspartame through regulation and get himself accused of taking corporate bribes…allegedly.

In the absence of any plausible commercial ap-plication due to that FDA ruling, miracle berries have since acquired a bit of a cult following and even spawned a trend with fine-dining res-taurants in the early 2000s where diners would eat a berry and enjoy a “flavor-

An Evening of Home-Cooked Flavor-Tripping “Miracle berries” are fun adult food experiment

Longtime food writer and professional chef Mike McJunkin is a native Chattanoogan who has trained chefs, owned and operated restaurants, and singlehandedly increased Chattanooga’s meat consumption statistics for three consecutive years. Join him on Facebook at facebook.com/SushiAndBiscuits

Sushi &Biscuits

MIKE McJUNKIN

“Miracle berries are a fun alternative to sugar and an entertaining antidote to tired, boring dinner parties.”

Love at first sight


tripping” experience. Now, the berries and tablets made

from powdered berries can easily be found online for about $1.50 a tablet or $3 for a fresh berry, so experiencing the miracle of miraculin is as easy as ordering a banana slicer or Guy Fieri signature donkey sauce extractor.

As my dinner guests’ tablets dis-solved, they began to try some of the foods I’d set out for this tasting expe-rience. We found that miraculin’s ef-fect is most noticeable with citrus and acidic foods. Lemons and grapefruit became sweet, intense and the rind tasted like candy.

My personal favorite was the salt-and-vinegar potato chips. With the ef-fects of miraculin, the chips became sweet and vinegar-y, but without the typical vinegar tartness. The taste was closer to aged balsamic-flavored chips, which was fantastic!

The effects are minimal or nonexis-tent with foods such as bread, lunch-meat, tea, jelly, chili peppers, nuts and cheese. However, eating these foods while under the effects of a miracle berry exaggerated the food’s texture, for better or worse. A slice of beautiful mortadella, when stripped of its salti-ness, became a gelatinous meat disc

that quickly dissolved into flavorless goo in my mouth. I don’t recommend it. Some of the more notable pairings were:

• Guinness Extra Stout: Choco-latey and sweet, like a dark chocolate milkshake

• Vodka: Indistinguishable from rubbing alcohol. It’s disgusting. Don’t do it

• Blue Cheese: Tasted like bland blue cheese. Not much differ-ence

• Tabasco Sauce: Tasted like spicy sweet roll glaze. This was one of the stranger flavors

• Pickles: These became the best bread and butter pickles ever

• Sour Patch Kids Candy: Cloy-ingly sweet with no sourness

Whether you want to lose weight, find a healthy sugar substitute or just want to season your culinary ad-ventures with a dash of the bizarre, miracle berries are a fun alternative to sugar and an entertaining antidote to tired, boring dinner parties.

Pick the red tablet and jump head-first down the culinary rabbit hole, but whatever you do don’t mix miraculin and vodka.

Trust me, it’s really disgusting.

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sat8.23roLLer madNeSS

Chattanooga roller girls vs. Mississippi rollergirls It’s the last home bout of the season, as the Chattanooga Rollergirls look to stay undefeated at home this year. Get there early and grab one of the “suicide seats” to get close to the action without being a team member.7 p.m. Convention Center1150 Carter St.(423) 756-0001chattanoogarollergirls.com

sun8.24maTiNee muST See

“Keely & Du”A tense drama exploring the unlikely bond that forms between two women whose fundamental differences on abortion both bring them together and drive them apart. If you haven’t seen this yet, here’s a perfect chance.2:30 p.m.Ensemble Theater 5600 Brainerd Rd.(423) 602-8640ensembletheatre-ofchattanooga.com

fri8.22muSiC & beer

Southern Brewers FestivalA downtown institution for the past two decades, the annual marriage of brews and bands raises money for Chattanooga’s Kids on the Block and Chattanooga Community Kitchen, two very worthwhile local organizations.5 p.m.Ross’s Landing100 Riverfront Pkwy(423) 265-0771southernbrewersfestival.org

Even More reasons to Save The Date

Stop by Area 61 on Main Street on Friday, Aug. 29 and Friday, Sept. 26 between 5 and 8 p.m. for the always-fun “Last Fridays Southside Stroll”…These will be the last two Strolls of the year, so get yer walkin’ shoes on…Area 61 will feature Tennessee-based figura-tive expression artist W. Michael Bush during the annual AVA gallery Hop on Sept. 6…Bush will also do an onsite painting demonstration during the Iron-man competition during the last week-end in September…Coming in October, Area 61 will host a Private Collection southeastern Folk Art sale…Check their Facebook page for details…

Also in October, all Chattanooga art galleries and artist studios have been invited to participate in First Friday Chattanooga-the Arts, posting their events and exhibits…Check facebook.com/FirstFridayChattanoogaArts for details

Artists, gallery owners and arts-fo-cused retail businesses are also working together in FLAg (Friends of Local Artists and galleries) to “advance art as a sustainable business”…If you’re interested, check out FLAG at flagcom-munity.org and look for more cover-age of the organization in an upcoming Pulse…

September is a super-busy month for our friends at townsend Atelier…

the Fabric of their LivesGaruda Screenprinting now making custom-printed fabrics

Our friends at Garuda Screenprint-ing, already known for fine-quali-ty screen prints, have now added screen-printed fabric to their art of-ferings. In their new location at 2801 Dodds Ave., you’ll now find custom printed polyester and linen fabrics.

Two young Chattanooga design-ers/entrepreneurs helped motivate Garuda to get into the fabric busi-ness: Anna Mittelstadt of Victo-ria Design and Kathryn Allison of Rangemark Textiles. Last February, within two days of each other, both

contacted Garuda about custom printing fabrics for their lines.

Garuda continues to offer high-quality custom screenprinting ser-vices for T-shirts, hoodies, tank tops, posters, stickers, and more. They’ll be participating in AVA’s upcoming Gallery Hop Sept. 6, and on display will be their original art prints as well as new original fabric patterns (also a fun Print-Your-Own shirt opportuni-ty). Check them out at garudascreen-printing.com

— Staff

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THERE’S SO MUCH GOING ON IN THE LOCAL ARTS community that even our big State of the Arts issue last week

couldn’t get it all in, so here’s another helping of events and info arts-lovers’ inquiring minds will want to know…

The arts calendar revs up in late August and September…

ArtsJANIS HASHE

The Shaking Ray Levi Society will present the final event of the dilating nexus series, ‘Soul in a Box’ on Aug. 30.”

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If you’ve ever thought of advancing your own art skills, this is the perfect time…Take at look at these options: “Oil Painting Techniques of the Old Masters” with James Courtenay James starting Sept. 9…”Beginning Watercol-or” with Durinda Cheek starting Sept. 8 and “Intermediate/Advanced Water-color” with Cheek starting Sept. 9…Cheek will also teach “Impressionist Landscape Painting” beginning Sept. 9…Laura Hausler will teach “Begin-ning Classical Drawing” starting Sept. 13…James will teach “Basic Perspec-tive Drawing” on Sept. 20 and “Pen & Ink Drawing” on Sept. 21…Then on Sept. 27, Cindy Procious teaches “Tips & Tricks: Photoshop for the Fine Art-

ist”…Visit townsendatelier.com…The talented and innovative Blake

Harris of theater for the New south has left Chattanooga to study at CalArts in Southern California and we wish him the best…We know this great young company will continue to produce some of the freshest theatre in town…

Speaking of fresh, it’s worth repeat-ing that one of the performing arts events of the year will undoubtedly be

Tim Hinck’s “Eve Apart” coming into the CTC’s Circle Theatre Sept. 4-7…Tim describes this new piece as “op-era, or maybe alt-musical theatre”…Whichever, it’s bound to be ground-breaking…

And in tribute to one of Chatta-nooga’s most groundbreaking artists, the late Dennis Palmer, the Shaking Ray Levi Society will present the fi-nal event of the Dilating Nexus se-ries, “soul in a Box”, at Mark Mak-

ing, 2510 North Chamberlain Ave., on Aug. 30, featuring new creations using Palmer’s unreleased samples as source material by numerous contributors, in-cluding the absolutely fabulous Frank Pahl…

It’s not at all too early to book your tickets for the kick-off event in this year’s Patten Performances series at UTC, the one, the only, the master, Ramsey Lewis, coming up on Sept. 9…

And it may be August, but it’s the holidays in our hearts as we save the date for MAINX24 on Dec. 6 this year…Can’t come around too soon for us…Look at prelim plans on facebook.com/mainx24

“One of the performing arts events of the year will undoubtedly be Tim Hinck’s “Eve Apart”

coming into the CTC’s Circle Theatre Sep. 4-7.”

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thursday8.21 Classic Movie night: “robin Hood” (1922)2, 7 p.m.Heritage House1428 Jenkins Rd.(423) 855-9474ooltewah Farmers Market3 p.m.Ooltewah Nursery5829 Main St.(423) 238-9775ooltewahnursery.comWine & Art: A Tasting party with United Way Emerging Leaders5 p.m.The Hunter Museum of Art10 Bluff View Ave.(423) 267-0968huntermuseum.orgEast Tennessee Alliance for Animals Benefit5:30 p.m.212 Market Restaurant212 Market St.(423) 265-1212212market.comphotographic Society of Chattanooga: Dianne Blankenbaker7 p.m.St. John United Methodist Church3921 Murray Hills Rd.(423) 892-2257stjohnumc.orgLAUnCH pitch night7 p.m.The Camp House1427 Williams St.(423) 702-8081

thecamphouse.comriver gorge Sunset paddle7 p.m.Outdoor Chattanooga200 River St.(423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.comJon reep: “The Hemi guy”7:30 p.m.The Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd.(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com“Keely & Du”7:30 p.m.Ensemble Theater5600 Brainerd Rd.(423) 602-8640ensembletheatre-ofchattanooga.com“Sharknado 2: The Second one”8 p.m.East Ridge 18

5080 S. Terrace, East Ridgecarmike.com

friday8.22 Southern Brewers Festival5 p.m.Ross’s Landing100 Riverfront Pkwy.(423) 265-0771southernbrewersfestival.orgClosed Door Entertainment Dinner Theatre 7 p.m.Abba’s House5208 Hixson Pike(423) 877-6462cbch.orgJon reep: “The Hemi guy”7:30 p.m.The Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd.(423) 629-2233

thecomedycatch.com“Keely & Du”7:30 p.m.Ensemble Theater5600 Brainerd Rd.(423) 602-8640ensembletheatre-ofchattanooga.com“The Savannah Disputation”7:30 p.m.Ripple Theatre3264 Brainerd Rd.(423) 600-9242rippletheatre.com

saturday8.23 photographic Society of Chattanooga: Darrell gulin9 a.m.St. John United Methodist Church3921 Murray Hills Rd.(423) 894-5210stjohnumc.orgHome Show10 a.m.Convention Center1150 Carter St.(423) 756-0001Brainerd Farmers’ Market10 a.m.Grace Episcopal Church 20 Belvoir Ave.(423) 698-0330northside Farmers’ Market on Mississippi 10 a.m.Northside Presbyterian953 Mississippi Ave.(423) 266-7497Chattanooga river MarketTennessee Aquarium Plaza

Pulse Pick: Jon reePJon won Season 5 of NBC’s Last Comic Standing, and is the host of Speed’s “R U Faster Than a Redneck?” as well as being known for his Dodge commercials.

Jon reepThis weekendThe Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd.thecomedycatch.com

for more info call 706.820.2531

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Chattanooga Roller Girls

1 Broad St.chattanoogarivermarket.com St. Alban’s Hixson Farmers Market10 a.m.St. Alban’s Episcopal Church7514 Hixson Pike(423) 842-1342Annual poker run: Serenity in the Scenic City 201410:45 a.m.Chattanooga Choo Choo1400 Market St.(423) 364-8128serenityinthesceniccity.comrockabilly rock out & Cruise InNoonThunder Creek Harley-Davidson7720 Lee Hwy.(423) 892-4888thundercreekharley.comWilderness WildfestNoonOutdoor Chattanooga200 River St.(660) 247-2288outdoorchattanooga.comArtful Yoga1:30 p.m.Hunter Museum of Art10 Bluff View(423) 267-0968huntermuseum.org“Strike For Education” retro Bowl2 p.m.Holiday Bowl Brainerd5518 Brainerd Rd.(423) 899-2695holidaybowlbrainerd.comSouthern Brewers Festival3 p.m.

Ross’s Landing100 Riverfront Pkwy(423) 265-0771southernbrewersfestival.orgClosed Door Entertainment Dinner Theatre7 p.m.Abba’s House5208 Hixson Pike(423) 877-6462cbch.orgChattanooga roller girls vs. Mississippi rollergirls 7 p.m. Convention Center1150 Carter St.(423) 756-0001chattanoogarollergirls.comMiss Annie Awards7 p.m.Chattanooga Theatre Center400 River St.(423) 267-8534theatrecentre.comMighty Wurlitzer organ’s 90th Birthday Concert & Movie7:30 p.m.Tivoli Theater709 Broad St.(423) 757-5156chattanoogaonstage.comJon reep: “The Hemi guy”7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch3224 Brainerd Rd.(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com“Keely & Du”7:30 p.m.Ensemble Theater 5600 Brainerd Rd.(423) 602-8640ensembletheatre-

ofchattanooga.com“The Savannah Disputation”7:30 p.mRipple Theatre3264 Brainerd Rd.(423) 600-9242rippletheatre.com

sunday8.24 The Chattanooga Market11 a.m.1829 Carter St.chattanoogamarket.comHome Show 11 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center1150 Carter St.(423) 756-0001“Keely & Du”2:30 p.m.Ensemble Theater 5600 Brainerd Rd.(423) 602-8640ensembletheatre-ofchattanooga.com“The Savannah Disputation” 3:30 p.m.Ripple Theatre 3264 Brainerd Rd.(423) 600-9242rippletheatre.com

monday8.25 Fee Free Founders Day 8:30 a.m.Point ParkPoint Park Rd., Lookout Mountain(423) 821-7786

tuesday8.26 Code & Creativity 7 p.m. The Camp House1427 Williams St.(423) 702-8081thecamphouse.comIphoneography with Laura + Ken6 p.m. Society of Work701 Market St., Ste. 1350societyofwork.comComedy Buffet with Duncan Trussell9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.(423) 266-1400jjsbohemia.com

wednesday8.27 Main Street Farmers Market4 p.m. 325 E. Main St.mainstfarmersmarket.comChattanooga Wednesday Market 4 p.m.Chattanooga Market1829 Carter St.(423) 402-9957chattanoogamarket.com

Map these locations on chatta-noogapulse.com. Send event list-ings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected]

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Squeeze ’Em or Leave ’EmWhy is there fruit in my beer? We find out...

Go order a Corona. Between you and that beer is the ever-present, never-requested wedge of lime. A limeless Corona is the unicorn nobody is look-ing for. That tiny slice of green has been Corona’s partner for almost three decades—but why is Corona-with-lime an industry standard?

Parent company Anheuser-Busch has yet to answer that question, but beer-lovers have formed a few theories. One rumor claims a bartender bet his friend he could start a national trend by him-self. Other people like to attribute it to gimmicks and marketing. More practi-cally, Coronas are bottled in clear glass as opposed to the darker shades of brown, which filter ultraviolet light and prevent beer spoilage. Some people suggest the clear-bottled Corona pairs with limes to mask the skunk.

The second most popular fruit-and-beer combo is the slice of orange in a pint of Blue Moon. While not as long-lived as the Corona and lime, Blue Moon and its oranges tend to incite more controversy among beer enthu-siasts. The controversy exists because Blue Moon markets itself as a craft beer, but its parent company is Molson Coors. One side of the argument says

that Blue Moon is taking sales and prof-it from the smaller craft-brewing com-panies, while the other side says that Blue Moon is introducing people who drink Miller and Coors to the world of craft beer. Those arguing against Blue Moon tend to say the orange is added as a marketing gimmick. Others say it brings out the hints of orange and cori-ander. Keith Villa, founder of the Blue Moon Brewery, gives both sides credit in an interview with Australian Brews News. Villa says the orange’s primary purpose is functional. The addition of the orange slice “allows the orange and fruity aromas of the beer to be magni-fied.” He allows that the secondary, though unintentional purpose of the orange, serves as a “visual indicator of Blue Moon” which “really makes our beer stick out.”

I asked Steve Purdie, head brewer at The Terminal Brewhouse, about what he thought of the fruit-in-beer trend. “I put a lot of work into crafting the beers the way I want them to be enjoyed,” he says. Purdie, a beer purist, says adding fruit to a good beer isn’t necessary, but acknowledges that if limes and oranges make people happy, then limes and or-anges it is.

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Diversions

Consider Thiswith Dr. Rick

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.” — swedish Proverb

Whether it’s a child in the throes of the “terrible twos,” or a full-grown adult throwing a hissy fit…being unnecessarily difficult is often just a way of saying, “I need help, I’m afraid, I want you to see past the thorns and come closer. Don’t fall for my pushing-you-away tactics—I just don’t know what else to do right now.”

once you realize this, you can see through the unpleasant smokescreen and focus on the vulnerable person inside who needs you. Perhaps he just needs you to be there, to listen non-judgmentally, to accept that he has warts, just like you do.

marilyn monroe said, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” We all have an inner “terrible two.” and there are times when we all want to be loved, but don’t know how to ask for it. a little kindness goes a long way, doesn’t it?

by Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.


LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The art-ist Amedeo Modigliani lived in Paris from 1906 until his death in 1920. For most of that time, he was destitute. Proprietors of lo-cal stores and restaurants some-times accepted his art work as payment in lieu of actual money. They didn’t necessarily appreci-ate it, though. One food seller used Modigliani’s drawings as wraps for the fried potatoes he sold. Another stashed the art-ist’s paintings in his cellar, where they turned into feasts for ro-dents. Too bad for these short-sighted people and their heirs: The worth of Modigliani’s works eventually increased, and some sold for millions of dollars. In the weeks ahead, Leo, don’t be like those food sellers. Know the value of what you have, even if it’s still latent.

VIRgO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I’ve got three new vocabulary words for you. I need them to provide you with the proper oracle. First is the German term Schwellenangst. It refers to timid-ity or nervousness about cross-ing a threshold and heading into unknown territory. The second word is a new English term, “strikhedonia.” It means the joy that rises up when you feel the courage to say “to hell with it.” The third word is from Portu-guese: desenrascanço. It means the spontaneous improvisation of haphazard but ultimately ef-fective plans. Now let’s put them all together: To conquer your Schwellenangst, you must summon a bolt of strikhedonia and have faith in your ability to carry out desenrascanço. (Thanks to other-wordly.tumblr.com for the new words.)

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Desire can conquer fear. Love trumps cowardice. The power that your tenderness affords you may not completely dissolve your doubt and worry, but it will quiet them down so much that they will lose their ability to paralyze you. These truths are always good to keep in mind, of course, but they are especially useful to you right now. No obstacle will faze you, no shadow will intimidate you, as long as you feed your holy long-

ing and unshakable compassion.

sCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): On August 2, 1830, Louis Antoine, Duke of Angoulême, was King of France for 20 minutes. (It’s a long story.) I offer this to you as a cautionary tale. A few weeks from now, I don’t want to have to be comparing you to him. If you hope to hold your new position or continue to wield your added clout for longer than just a little while, you should take all nec-essary steps. How? Nurture the web of support that will sustain you, for example. Don’t burn a single bridge. Cultivate real em-pathy, not just the showy kind. Avoid manipulative behavior, even if you think you can get away with it. Be a skillful gath-erer of information.

sAgIttARIus (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Golda Meir was Prime Min-ister of Israel from 1969 to 1974. Her admirers described her as “strong-willed, straight-talk-ing, grey-bunned grandmother of the Jewish people.” She had a good sense of humor, too. “Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses,” she said. “He took us forty years into the des-ert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil.” I bring this up as a teach-ing story for you, Sagittarius. If you plan to make any big moves, transitions, or journeys in the coming months, I suggest you choose destinations that will al-low you to gain access to wealth-building resources.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do you know what phase of your cycle it is? Here are a few hints. It doesn’t come around often. It’s not characterized by predictable events or boring certainties. And it may allow you, even encourage you, to take a break from being your usual self. Give up? OK. I’ll tell you. You have entered the Nicolas Cage Phase of your cycle. Cage is a Capricorn, but not a typical one. He’s eccentric and manic and certifiably batty. He refers to his acting technique as “Nouveau Shamanic,” once lived in a fake castle, and owns a Lamborghini that belonged to the legendary tyrant, the Shah of

Iran. For our current purposes, he has also testified, “I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion.”

AQuARIus (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Here’s one of my goals in life, Aquarius: to show you a type of astrology that does not infringe on your free will, but rather clari-fies your options. In this horo-scope, for instance, I will outline your alternatives so that you will be fully informed as you deter-mine what course of action will be most closely aligned with your high ideals. Ponder the following question, and then briskly exert your freedom of choice: Would you prefer to have love make your head spin, knock you off your feet, tickle your X-factor, kick you gently but firmly in the ass, or all of the above?

PIsCEs (Feb. 19-March 20): “God changes caterpillars into butterflies, sand into pearls, and coal into diamonds by using time and pressure,” says pastor Rick Warren. “He is working on you, too.” Let’s make that idea your meditation, Pisces. If the word “God” doesn’t suit you, substi-tute “life,” “nature” or “Wakan Tanka,” the Lakotan term for “The Great Mystery.” The es-sential point is that you are being worked on and shaped by forces beyond your conscious aware-ness. Some of them are vast and impersonal, like your culture, the media, and the entertainment in-dustry. Others are intimate and close at hand, like your genes, your childhood imprints, and the characters you encounter daily. Now is an excellent time to con-template all the influences that make you who you are.

ARIEs (March 21-April 19): An American named Kevin Shelley accomplished a feat worthy of in-clusion in the Guinness Book of World Records. While wearing a blue satin martial arts outfit, he smashed 46 wooden toilet seats over his head in just one minute. Some observers may be inclined to dismiss his efforts as frivolous and ridiculous. But I admire how

he playfully mocked his own competitiveness while fully ex-pressing his competitiveness. He satirized his ego’s drive to be first and best even as achieved the goal of being first and best. I recommend you try something similar. You’re entering a phase when you’ll be wise to add a bit of humility to your bold self-pre-sentation.

tAuRus (April 20-May 20): You are about to make the transition from plodding to skipping; from moping to exulting. You will no longer be bogged down by cloudy doubt, but will instead be buoyed by giddy hope. To what do we owe this imminent turnaround in your fortunes? One reason is that it’s Justifiable Narcissism Week—for Tauruses only. During this jubilee, the Free Will Astrology Council on Extreme Self-Esteem authorizes you to engage in unabashed self-worship—and to corral a host of other people who want to join in celebrating you, praising you, and helping you.

gEMINI (May 21-June 20): An eagle does not catch flies. A lion won’t hunt for mice. A gourmet chef shuns recipes that call for canned soup and po-tato chips. And I trust that you won’t indulge a hankering for non-nutritious sweets and treats that would spoil your appetite for more robust sustenance. You understand I’m not just talking about your literal eating habits, right? Interpret this oracle meta-phorically, please.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Now is an excellent time to phase out fantasies that bog you down or drag you backward. Are you up for that challenge? Can you sum-mon the courage to leave the me-diocre past behind? If so, here are your assignments: Wean yourself of longings to reconstruct bygone pleasures. Forget about trying to be like the person you used to be and to have the keys you used to have. Stop feeding the feelings that keep you affixed to obso-lete goals. Break any taboo that makes you scared to change what needs to be changed.

Free Will Astrology rob breZSNY

“Homework: What idea, feeling, or attitude are you enslaved to? what can you do to escape your slavery? Write [email protected]

Rob Brezsny is an American astrologer, writer, poet, and musician. His weekly horoscope column Free Will Astrology has been published for more than 28 years.


Copyright © 2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0689

ACROSS1 “Cast Away” carrier5 Is willing to10 Cyberbidder’s site14 Scat legend Fitzgerald15 Film score composer Morricone16 “The Joy of Cooking” author Rombauer17 Packing the wrong clothes for the shore?19 Comic-Con attendee, probably20 Participate in charades21 Kyle’s little brother on “South Park”22 Coop matriarchs23 Valentine offering25 Cracker with seven holes27 Dance music with slow shifting bass sounds31 Artists using acid34 Word following who, what, when or how35 Beatnik’s bro

37 Pen name?38 Give a hint to40 “___ have something stuck in my teeth?”41 Prefix with trafficking43 CTRL-___-DEL44 Throws out47 Social finesse48 Early rock nickname, with “The”50 The O in “Jackie O”52 Sty reply53 Alumnus54 Like cotton candy56 Fish in Japanese cuisine58 Imposed limits on63 Gymnastics legend Korbut64 Part of the neighborhood where all the downers live?66 “James and the Giant Peach” author Roald67 Half a Danny Elfman band68 Second word in fairy tales69 Chip that starts a pot

70 Element from the Greek word for “strange”71 “Jeopardy!” ownerDOWN1 Country’s McEntire2 “30 Rock” star Baldwin3 Half step lower, in music4 Stuffed shell food5 Like platypuses6 Palindromic experimentalist7 Get the knots out8 Enjoy a scoop9 Shannen of “90210”10 Half of half of half11 Undergarments that allow for air flow?12 “Agreed!”13 Runs off at the mouth18 Johnny Cash cover of a Nine Inch Nails song24 “Boston Legal” actor26 Double-clicked symbol27 “Unleaded” beverage28 Dangly lobe

in the throat29 Report from a slow vegetable-purchasing day?30 ___ Lanka31 Tabloid worker32 Christina of “Black Snake Moan”33 Glasgow residents36 Dwarf with glasses39 Vegas night sight42 E-mail address symbols45 Diner player46 Eat, as pretzels49 Series ender51 Very little, as of ointment53 Oldest man in space John54 Club or cream follower55 Stratagem57 Mario of the NBA59 Favorable factor60 The cops, in slang61 MBA’s course62 Fashion initials65 Earlier than now

Jonesin’ Crossword maTT joNeS

HELP WANTEDGestamp Chattanooga has an immediate opening for a Quality Engineer in Chattanooga, TN, to support & implement mfg quality sys for an assigned customer, supplier, or product line. BS Indust. Engnr, Mech. Engnr Tech. or rel., & 2 yrs exp. in the pos. above, as Qual Mgr, Die Engnr or rel.; Will accept equiv. foreign degree, will also accept Associates degree & 4 yrs re. exp. Will also accept equiv. combo on rel. ed., training, &/or exp. Exp. must incl.: APQP, PPAP, & ISO/TS for hot & cold stamping tooling QC/QA; GD&T & SPC in team-based mfg environment; & Journeyman die maker w/ knowledge of both U.S. & Euro OEM mfg stds & practices. Send resume to T. Cates, HR Mgr, Gestamp Chattanooga, 3063 Hickory Valley Rd. Chattanooga, TN 37241

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vs. TennesseeHarry Potter Night • Fireworks!Sat, Aug. 30 • 7:15 PM

vs. TennesseeZooperstars! • Strike Out StrokeSun, Aug. 31 • 6:15 PM

vs. TennesseeFan Appreciation Night

is looking for a few good

writersCan you craft a compelling 650-word short featureor pro�le—and a longer, in-depthfeature worthy ofour cover? If so, let’s talk. The Pulse is seeking a fewgood freelance writers to join our stable of news, feature, music, political, fashion and arts writers. We reward our writers with fair pay and a showcase for their skills.

If you’ve got the “write stu�,” we want your voice in The Pulse. Email samples of your best clips along with a brief bio to:[email protected]


Editor’s note: Alex Teach’s column represents his personal views and does not reflect the views of The Pulse.

You can

believe you are right. You can believe that your first hearing of a tragic story is abso-lutely, completely accurate with zero margin for error and just run with it, with a stick in your hand to as-sist in making your point by shattering windows and stealing appliances to ex-press your indignation. I’m all about that, because this is America, and if you can’t do what you want when you’re not happy, I don’t want to live here either.

But…

No matter how tragic the incident, when the leader of the New Black Panther Par-ty is walking through your neighborhood with a bull-

horn encour-aging people to leave for their own safety, you may not be

on the side of the “righ-teous.”

I’m not casting aspersions against Mr. Malik Shabazz, but, historically speaking, if you’re trying to conduct a respectable race riot, this is a guy you want on your side—not on the side of common sense and rational thinking.

“C’mon, you all, let’s roll out, let’s roll out of here, get some rest and come back to-morrow,” Shabazz pled with determined protestors a few

days ago in Ferguson, MO. And if the New Black Pan-thers don’t have your back…well. Regroup and re-think.

That’s a novel thought, isn’t it? How did this shoot-ing happen? First version: As I understand it, a 10-year-old boy was on his way to church to deliver chemo bottles to ailing baby seals when he was shot in the back for no reason and the neighborhood was perforat-ed by bullets molded from pure liquid metal racism jus-tifying the theft of storefront electronics.

Strangely, that story has shifted, so that just a few days later, when actual video and audio surfaced from ac-tual eyewitnesses, it turned out the 10 year old was ac-tually 6’4”, 292 lbs., and had charged the cop who appar-ently realized the guy in the street with the cigars in his hand matched the descrip-tion put out on the police

radio of a strong-armed rob-bery suspect who just stole cigars (with his hands) after he passed him walking in the middle of the roadway (cursing the officer for ask-ing him to not do such).

Witnesses and statements indicate the young man knocked the cop back into his car and grabbed his gun, thwarted by the safety hol-ster, so he could run away again just far enough for the cop to get up and chal-lenge him to stop. Accord-ing to one of these video/audio witnesses, this young man then charged the of-ficer he just wrestled over a gun “like a bull”. Shots were fired by the officer rather than engaging in wrestling for the pistol again—the bullets stopping once the threat was down. Very dif-ferent story from objective witnesses now…funny how that works.

Am I happy this occurred?

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at facebook.com/alexteach

one Cop’s View of Ferguson, Missouri

On The Beat

ALEX TEACH

“The lesson here will hopefully be for an opposing side to disagree but let civilized action replace the much-vaunted ‘anarchy’ espoused by activists.”

Officer Alex asks that people wait for the facts

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God, no. Was the cop right? I hon-estly can’t say. Was the little 6’4”, 292 lb. boy right? Sure fails the smell test, but those questions are now irrelevant in the face of the New Black Panthers having to tell people to control themselves so the National Guard doesn’t need to called out.

Is tear gas offen-sive? Yes, by de-sign. Rubber bul-lets? Absolutely. Dogs, shields, camo and armor? Yes to all—but does anyone know what a Molotov cocktail is? Having a quart of gas thrown at you in a flaming glass container and firing a few shots off at a cop can make all those things listed above appear quite quickly, and de-spite such an obvious response, people are simply baffled police don’t want to be engulfed in flame. The state police captain that made headlines by march-ing with the protestors? He’s back to tossing smoke for just that reason.

Racist? Fails the smell test. Dealing with looters and armed rioters? Hello, Febreze. Smelling much nicer now.

The lesson here will hopefully be for an opposing side to disagree but

let civilized ac-tion replace the much-vaunted “anarchy” es-poused by activ-ists. There’s no asshole with a white mask and a pencil-thin goatee roman-

tically distributing roses and polite bombs here…these are lunatics rob-bing stores now “for justice”. There has to be order, folks. Refusing to let the system work and breaking into Walmart is not it.

All opinions aside, if Officer Darren Wilson is guilty, let the courts decide. Flat screen TVs and incendiary devices will get you no closer to the truth.

Just ask the Black Panther Party, for God’s sake…they’re the sensible ones now.

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The Pulse 11.34 » August 21, 2014