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printed with expliCit permission from eaCh Content proViderWEEK OF FEBRUARY 24, 2009 ChiCago edition Vol 1 no 5

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FASHION WEEKbuck the trendby Chris O’Shea | 2/17/09 | surviving myself tpburl.com/4v162x I’m a guy who appreciates fashion, so yes, at one point in my life, I thought it was socially acceptable to wear pink shirts and no, I don’t feel like there will ever be a time when I can for-give myself for that. Because I try to be stylish, I’ve participated in almost every fashion trend, from Jeans That Look Like They’re Old But Aren’t to the Great Graphic Tee Epidemic of 07. I hear the latter ended when a GUESS? manager demanded a blue t-shirt - without an ironic helicopter on it - and threatened to hold the store employees hostage until he got one. Yes, it was a brutal as it sounds. The one trend that I simply cannot, and will not adopt though, is wearing skinny jeans. I do not wear skinny jeans for two simple reasons: 1) I’m not a rock star in a band with songs about how sad trees are when you think about it and 2) I don’t hate myself. If either of these were true, I’d probably be wearing skinny jeans every day of my life, but thankfully they’re not. The skinny jean look on men doesn’t work for several reasons. For starters, they hug the equipment too tightly. Our equipment, as ugly as it can be, needs space to operate. It is not meant to be squeezed together like Rosie O’Donnell in a spandex jumper. Without space a man’s equipment begins to ache, and with the hurting comes the read-justing, and with the readjusting comes the public humiliation that makes men feel sad, which causes them to buy more skinny jeans. It’s a vicious cycle. Also, skinny jeans display what men’s legs really are: scrawny twigs that somehow support our bodies. If you surveyed men across the nation, you’d find that about 87% of them have tiny legs. The only ones who don’t abuse steroids, and you know what they say about men on steroids- well, nothing really, because men on steroids have big muscles. Finally, skinny jeans make other men hate you. There is no explanation necessary here. You will lose friends if you choose to wear jeans that look like they belong on the rack at Baby GAP. There really are no benefits to the skinny jean look for men and it doesn’t matter how hard they try. I won’t be taking part of this trend. Instead, I’ll ride the wave out, and wait for what I hear is the next big thing: leopard print thongs. On top of the pants. I’ve just got one thing to say about that - rawrr!

FIvE REASONS TO GET ExCITED ABOUT MICHELLE OBAMA’S vOGUE COvERby veronica | 2/11/09 | My Love/Hate Relationship with Fashion tpburl.com/57dj1k I’d love to take this most recent cover as a sign of a turnaround at Vogue; however I haven’t seen the entire issue and am a little doubtful that the rest of the issue is as lovely as the cover. But here are five reasons why this is the best Vogue cover I’ve seen in years:

She’s not an actress, a socialite, or the spawn of an actress or a 1. socialite. Perhaps most importantly, she’s not Keira Knightley.She’s smiling a genuine, unpretentious smile.2. While I believe she was most certainly airbrushed (it’s what Vogue does 3. best, or should I say worst?), she looks natural and believable.She’s not emaciated, Eastern European, or fourteen years old, like 4. the rest of the models in the magazine are sure to be.Depending on the interviewer, the odds are pretty damn good that she’ll 5. have something interesting and relevant to say. Imagine that!

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LIFESTYLE

HIPSTER CULTUREby Lauren Gibaldi | 2/12/09 | Half Deserted Streets tpburl.com/53n7vr One night during my sophomore year of college my friend Joe decided to shave his beard. His hair grew incredibly fast, so it would only be a matter of days before his shaggy appearance reappeared. Regardless, he decided to be clean shaved for one reason or another. In my cramped dorm room bathroom, he got out the razor and did what most guys do while removing a ton of facial hair - he made designs. Patterns. He wanted to see just how bad his facial hair could look. In the end, we decided his Fun Manchu was the best and he should clearly leave it on for a day, showing it of to all of his classmates. Joe never turned down a chal-lenge. The next day, he and I walked across campus, to the furthest building from our dorm, together. He received awkward glances and responded with nervous laughter. In our Article and Essay class, our wonderful, teacher who never held anything back (she once revealed to us that she contracted an STD during college), asked him if his razor broke. We all laughed. Two classes and hundreds of looks later, he finally shaved off the facial hair. Here’s the thing. A friend of mine from college is currently sporting the same facial hair monstrosity, only he isn’t wearing it as a dare or a victim of a broken razor, no, he’s wearing it because it’s ironic he told me. Ironic? I don’t get this hipster culture nowadays. Ugly facial hair, or clothing even, is considered cool because it’s ironic. Maybe i’m just not getting the irony of the situation. I think it all started with the beards. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of the beards. Certain guys can pull them off really well, so I was completely okay with this trend. I even prefer scruff sometimes to a clean face. Somehow, the beard turned into the mustache. How the mustache ever became cool (outside of Halloween costumes, rapists, and my father circa 1980), I never understood. That, of course, grew to the strange, yet incredibly popular facial hair of today. And the matching tight pants, of course. (Girls aren’t exempt from this hipster lifestyle, of course. There are the haircuts, the 80’s inspired outfits that shouldn’t be brought back, etc...etc...) The same goes for venues. Back in college, my friends and I frequently visited a small dive bar called Poor Paul’s. It was cramped, smokey, dark, dirty and absolutely perfect. We went so often that the bouncer knew me by face and the bartender knew my drink. It was a place where we could hang out, play the games on the screen, and just talk. We didn’t have to dress up or impress anyone. It was, in a strange sense, home. It took me a while to find a similar place here. I finally fell upon one around 20 minutes from where I live. My friends and I used to go regularly until we all got 9-5s that interrupted our weeknight hangouts. Like Poor Paul’s, it was small and smokey. We loved it there. It came to my attention that apparently for the last few months it has become the popular hang out for these same facial haired hipsters. They like it because it’s ironic. It’s so run down, it’s cool! Apparently, they’ve vacated it now, gone off to an even more ironic bar, one called Hoops. Clearly, the previous occupants have been run off. There’s a great line from the musical In The Heights which exemplifies that, regarding the city of Washington Heights in NY: “In five years, when this whole city’s rich folks and hipsters, who’s gonna miss this raggedy little business?” From my understanding Brooklyn is now the hipster capital. (Obviously, there are some exceptions). I hear Williamsburg has more indy fans than Jewish people. Go figure! Like many trends, this one will probably go out of style within the next couple of years. It’s not that I don’t understand people trying to make their difference in the world, stand out as individuals, I do, believe me, I just don’t get it in this sense. Since when was making yourself look as bad as possible...attractive? Maybe I’m just getting too old.

GROWING UP MODELby Zoe Brock | 2/15/09 | The Nervous Breakdown tpburl.com/h6zfp5

recently i was asked what i wanted.

not what i wanted in my tea or what i wanted on my salad, but what i wanted out of life.

ugh.

this seemingly innocuous little query dredged up tumultuous feelings inside, forcing me to realize that-

a) the things i’ve always wanted had, while i wasn’t paying attention, morphed into somethingdifferent, and

b) that i needed to have a serious rethink before i could answer definitively.

i opened a bottle of wine and had a good chug from the neck. Clarification often accompanies a good Cabernet.

there i sat, glass beside me, “writing it out”.

what do you want, Zb? i asked myself. the an-swer was surprising.

if i’m going to be honest with you, and myself, i’ll have to admit that i used to want wealth, fame and glory, an ugly remnant of growing up in the spotlight surrounded by people with big dreams and big lives. teenage dreams are hard to let go of sometimes, especially when they still seem within reach.

i used to want a life filled with expensive, mini-malist things and easy opportunities for adven-tures and madness.

i used to want an eternity of sex, drugs and rock and roll.

i used to want my days to be filled with private jets, high-budget catering and make-up artists who would satisfy my craving for fuller lips by drawing mine bigger. i wanted photographers to tell me i was beautiful and designers to keep giv-ing me their clothes. i needed those things to feel valuable and alive.

and now?

i still want the adventures and the eternity of sex and rock and roll, only now i want less casual sex with much more love in it, and even louder music.

that’s a relief.

so what has changed?

a lot.

now i want babies and security and love and sim-plicity- i want a family, something that, despite all my beautiful relatives and their unconditional love, i never felt i had. now i have to write to feel worthy. now i have to create in order to feel alive. now i have to be present to feel beautiful. all i have to do is show up.

my how things change.

the thing is, if i were to really consider it, i’ve already had a pretty big life.

i’ve been to every continent (except the frozen one).i’ve loved and i’ve lost, many times over.i’ve experienced death, depression, disaster.

i’ve hit rock bottom and seared my wings against the sun.i’ve done the most glamorous things and the most sordid.

i’ve cat-walked all over the world, shot covers for elle, been photographed for Vogue, and been forcibly ejected from the most gruesome dens of iniquity between hong kong and manhattan.i’ve lived the high life and licked the underbelly.i’ve amused people and offended others.i’ve been a brat and a belle.

i’ve stayed in castles and squatted in shacks.i’ve partied with presidents, skinny dipped with rock stars, discussed architecture-politics-urination-sexual proclivities and literature with celebrated thinkers, and committed petty ‘crimes’ with unexpected celebrities.i’ve traveled with dear friends and nursed them through madness.i’ve done lots of crazy shit and blah blah blah seen things that would make my poor mothers hair curl if i wrote it here.

in short, i’ve lived, but i’ve never done anything, no matter how debauched, for any kind of per-sonal gain or anything without honor and good intent.

i might be twisted, but i’m not bent.

i know for absolute certain that the life i’ve lived since i was thirteen years of age would not and could not have happened had i not been model-ing. it’s a fact.

my first foray into the inner sanctum of the fashion industry was in the late 80’s, at a time when the catering budget was higher than the collective wages of the entire crew, and a time when nobody was eating. they couldn’t, their noses were too full.

i was young. so young.

and so impressionable.

the times were decadent, destructive and deli-cious. high camp ruled the social scene and air kisses were often a prelude to hasty sex in dark-ened corners. it was an irresponsible time. aids had made it’s appearance and we were, unknow-ingly, about to lose several of our finest, maddest and most creative. it would take a long time for us to slow down and grow up. we all thought we were invincible. i know i did.

the fashion industry is a strange place to grow up in. but, like anything, it is what you make of it. for me it was a hard road of misadventure and madness… a road that has come full circle and is now winding through gentler pastures with more creative scenery.

it’s pretty.

i like it.

perhaps i’ll send you a postcard.

PHOTOS

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PHOTOS

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HIRE ME

Drew Eisenbeis / information technology specialist and media broadcaster I have several years of experience in technical support and video conferencing technolo-gies. I have two degrees, one of which was earned abroad. I have a wide range of interests and skills which I hope to use in an innovative and forward thinking environment.

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Arielle Jacobs / student internship i’m a first-year mba student looking for a summer internship in general management, corporate strategy or operations. i graduated cum laude from a top-tier university and have excellent analytical and communication skills. my work experience is in the finan-cial sector but i am open to all industries. http://www.linkedin.com/pub/8/a64/6b9

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us trendy brings Possible Fashion Fame to everyoneby Jennifer van Grove | 1/12/09 | Mashable tpburl.com/pvsy2g If you’re a fashion designer or model who balks at the idea of being mortified on Project Runway for showcasing yesterday’s trends or too thick hips, then you’re in luck. Now you can say “You’re out” to Heidi and friends and head online for fame and fortune. Though it may not be quite that simple, new online fashion company Us Trendy is aiming to be the go to fashion site for aspiring designers, models, and fashion fanatics alike. Us Trendy combines the design competi-tion concept of sites like Threadless and Col-larFree, and throws budding fashion designers and models into the mix. The site is simple in purpose and practice. Wannabe designers upload their creations to the site, users vote on the designs they like, and Us Trendy produces and sells the most popular designs in their online store. The same formula works for models too; models upload their best shots, users vote on each photo, and the highest rated models are given the keys to the catwalk for Us Trendy fashion shows. This type of site appears to be an excellent platform for people trying to break into the highly competitive Fashion industry. Founder Sam Sisakhti’s says his motivation to create the site came from personal experiences. “I originally felt the need to create UsTrendy when I saw the struggles that friends of mine – aspiring fashion designers – went through to find viable career opportunities in fashion industry, this coupled with the lack of viable outlets for fashion enthusiasts to express their voice in deciding the trends and clothing produced each season.” Sisakhti’s vision is great, and we hope Us Trendy can deliver on their promise, but I have to wonder how this idea will pan out. With voting sites, there’s always the possibility that people will game the system. Us Trendy could see designs with high vote counts but little to no mass appeal go into production, with the return on their community investment being more dreadful than wearing white after Labor Day. Plus, consumers already have a plethora of online options for finding fashion trends, what’s going to be the driving factor to get them to buy from Us Trendy?

TECHNOLOGY

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Those Brown Eyes | tpburl.com/dkjsv8

a short essay about the imPortance oF a good coatby Winona | 1/26/09 | Daddy Likey tpburl.com/8dp5sg Once upon a time, I had to go to court to dispute a speeding ticket. I was seventeen and had been caught careening down my small town’s main street at 73 miles an hour, on my way to turn in a history paper that, in retrospect, was not important at all. After sobbing to the state trooper about the vital importance of said history paper, I was issued a citation for $250. I felt an immediate rush of panic about telling my dad, combined with excitement about the chance to wear a dramatically demure outfit to court and plead my innocence. I spent weeks planning a foolproof trial wardrobe and defense. I decided I would wear a cream skirt with flower embroidery, a black shirt with pearl buttons and a rounded collar, black tights, ballet flats, a red vintage scarf, and round sunglasses. I would say that if society wanted to persecute me for striving to be a good student, then I would dutifully pay the price, but I would forever lament the injustice of a legal system that so callously ignored a citizen’s right to life, liberty, and the 73-mile-an-hour pursuit of an A on my essay about the industrial revolu-tion. The day of my court date, everything went according to plan: my outfit looked great, and my note cards were in order. When I walked out the door, it was chilly and I felt a raindrop, so I ran back inside and grabbed a random coat from the laundry room. This random coat happened to be my mom’s dilapidated fleece pullover, but I didn’t think much of it as I slipped it on and headed to the courthouse. When I arrived, I strutted through the big doors and down the hall to my assigned court-room. I whipped off my glamorous shades and faced a huge room packed with traffic offenders and nonviolent felons. People were glaring and the judge’s bench was much more imposing than I’d anticipated and the whole thing was very scary. I dropped my note cards into my bag and perched on the edge of a bench next to a woman with a crying baby and I felt nothing like Winona Ryder. The judge came in and the clerk started calling names for rapid-fire public pleas. I was hyperventilating. About fifteen minutes in, they called my name. I stood up on wobbly legs and they asked me for my plea. I opened my mouth to speak but suddenly all I could think was, “Oh my god, I’m wearing a fleece covered in dog hair.” “Guilty,” I said.

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FASHION PHOTOS

i Put the stud in study hallby Wade Rouse | 2/15/09 | Wade Rouse tpburl.com/nkzmjq I spent the first part of my 43rd birthday shopping at Abercrombie Kids, ripping T-shirts out of the arms of a boy who probably weighed, oh, maybe 60 pounds, if he happened to be car-rying a sack of potatoes and a human head. If I couldn’t recapture my youth, I could certainly buy it. “Score!”I had screamed to my partner, Gary, while displaying an XL boy’s T-shirt that read, “I Put the Stud in Study Hall.” “Jesus,”Gary laughed. “Just buy it before Chris Hansen gets here.” Yes, my 43rd birthday had hit me hard. This meaningless day made me feel like I was in no-man’s land: 22 years from retirement, 22 years since the day I was able to drink legally. I was smack dab in the middle of middle-aged. Which is why I was holding up a boy’s T-shirt to my body, giddily imagining how it would hug my every curve. But when I turned to look in the mirror, all I saw was the fat kid who could once only wear Husky’s. The cool clothes of my youth “the contoured Velour shirts, the Jordache jeans” made me look like Mindy Cohn whenever I tried them on in the mall, and that image of imperfection “the one I saw reflected back at me from the mirrors in Chess King” remained in my head. That image still haunts me, like some sort of overweight, poorly dressed ghost, dooming endless courtships and continuing to float around during my relationship.

Even though I spent my 30’s transforming my body into a lean, muscled machine, my id and ego still wore Husky’s during sex, and that damn ghost always seemed to hover above me in bed, peppering me with questions and doubt like some supernatural Larry King: Your body will never be good enough. Are you sure you’re tan enough to hide those old stretch marks? Gary was an optimist who believed that, one day, my ghost would simply vanish if I was only able to catch a glimpse of the man I had become. Even if that meant I had to spend loads of time looking for him in the mirrors at Pac-Sun and Abercrombie Kids. When I turned to show Gary the T-shirt I had draped on my body, he exclaimed, “That looks H-O-T hot!” Then a clerk approached and asked if I needed help picking something out for my son. If I hadn’t been so mesmerized by his beauty “he looked just like an Abercrombie model” I would have bitch-slapped him to Aldo. “What size is your son?”he asked me again. “I’m shopping for myself,”I said indignantly. “It’s my birthday.” “There’s, like, a Brooks Brothers across from us,”he said. “Brooks Brothers?”I hissed. “Umm, yeah, you know, for, like, guys your age.” I left, on the verge of tears. We got home “my shopping bags filled” yet I was decidedly empty. The truth was I’d never been an Abercrombie kid, and I’d never be an Abercrombie man. As I licked the icing off my cake, Gary suddenly snapped a photo of me. I asked to see the camera, and when I looked I saw a middle-aged man wearing a T-shirt that read, “I Put the Stud in Study Hall.” “Hot, huh?”Gary asked. His voice made me remember what he had been telling me all day – without any prod-ding: “You are H-O-T!” It was then I knew. I had everything I dreamed after all those years of stuffing Hostess pies down my throat: Somebody who believes I am picture-perfect. I hugged Gary, whispered how much I loved him and how sorry I was he had to stoop to such stupidity to make me feel worthwhile. “I just want you to like yourself,”he said. I was 43. I would never be a kid again. I could never recapture my lost youth. But I still had time to act like an adult. So I took off my Abercrombie shirt, standing in front of Gary for the first time in my life without trying to position my body in the most flattering way possible. And then I reached deep into my psychological closet and hung up my Husky’s for good.

PHOTOS

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CHIRP OFF

We asked: iF you could recast any movie, Which one Would it be and Who Would Play the lead?

@ecams my friends and i had been talking about remaking The Wiz starring

Beyonce and Chris Brown...although might want to rethink

@allthingsphil I’d replace Ben Affleck in, um, everything, and put in Kermit the Frog.

Because Kermit is both lovable AND a better actor.

@ChiFilmmakers recast Constantine and put Daniel Craig in it. Maybe it would have

actually been good then

@ChicagoLori Twilight! Kristen does not deserve Robert. Replace Kristen with Jessica

Biel. Jasper replaced by a non-Ed Scissorhands guy.

@ewalker9 I would re-cast myself as female lead in Chocolat. Johnny Depp as my

lover? Oui, oui!

@NewsMeBaby Screw recasting an already existing movie, I want to know who would

play me in the story of my life.

@ihatesomuch how about renee zellweger in every movie ever? replaced by anyone.

@sheesidd I would have Harrison Ford play Robert Langdon in The Da Vinci Code.

Love Tom Hanks, but he didn't fit the role

@everydaywonders i would recast The Notebook with Nicholas Cage and Jessica Tandy.

Love Nicholas Cage!

@bksurviving I’d recast Teen Wolf with me in Michael J. Fox’s place. Why? Wouldn’t

you want to be a basketball playing werewolf? Exactly.CLASSIFIEDS

The Oracle Speaks~ Complete Your Collectionoracle, original oil painting by melody phaneuf, 24” x 32” $5500 framed; $4800 unframed ~free shipping ~ Call: 800 771-6464email: melody@melodytheartist.com

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Clayton Hauck | tpburl.com/0fzxq8

the real beauty myth: a cautionary taleby Gina Frangello | 1/16/09 | The Nervous Breakdown tpburl.com/trmbn4 Why do so many beautiful people have sucky marriages? The most obvious example is Hollywood, where nobody can stay married for 15 minutes without having an affair, getting a messy divorce, quickly remarrying, having another affair, publicly declaring Sex Addiction, and finally marrying someone 20 years younger and settling into obscurity, too old to score gossip-worthy roles. Most of us figure the reason actors are unlucky in love is that they face too much temptation—if you have to make out with Russell Crowe or Angelina Jolie on screen, chances are you’ll want to do it again off screen, right? But it’s long seemed to me that excessive beauty can be a liability even in the real world, especially for women, so for the hell of it I made a list of my 10 most beautiful women friends only to find that 8 are either in unhappy marriages or already divorced; 1 is alone after a string of movie-of-the-week bad relationships; and only 1 is in happily in love. This didn’t look good. Briefly I wondered if maybe everyone I know is in a dysfunctional relationship! (I’m a writer after all.) But when I widened my sample happiness levels (lack of public fights; actually having sex—and it being with each other) rapidly skyrocketed. How could this be? After all, as the old Janis Ian lyrics go, “love is meant for beauty queens.” Women worldwide strive to increase our physical appeal: dieting, waxing, microdermabrasing and even having surgery to force or simulate our way into Beauty. So why don’t superior good looks increase the odds that a woman will find lasting love? There are probably a number of reasons. Maybe superhumanly sexy women are subject to more temptation, and having men woo you with greater frequency increases the chances that you’ll fuck up, succumb and blow your marriage apart. But I’m not convinced that’s the whole story. Often it’s a beautiful woman who is cheated on by her man (think Elizabeth Hurley; think Uma Thurman—I’m thinking of several of my non-famous friends.) Sometimes the issue is not even infidelity. Could it be that beautiful women are, plain and simple, attracting the wrong men as a result of excessive beauty? Far more research than the scandals of Hollywood and the poor romantic choices of my best-looking women friends would be necessary to prove my point. And I should qualify that I know dozens of wonderful, respectful, faithful men who are certainly not married to dogs and have a healthy appreciation for a pretty woman! Rather beauty—like most things—seems most functional in moderation. It’s really quite simple. If a woman is beautiful far beyond the norm—makes heads turn when she enters a room—then it stands to reason that she attracts men looking to date (later marry) the hottest woman in the room. And the man who always wants to be with the hottest woman in the room is, simply put, bad news. He is by definition considering looks above other attributes; is concerned with appearances not simply because he likes to get it on with a beautiful girl (an understandable urge) but because he wants the world to know that he is the Type of man who always gets the “best.” His woman is an accessory, more a reflection on him than a person in her own right. Having spent her entire life attracting this Type, a beautiful woman may not even recognize his perils because he is so familiar. After all, other men may be afraid to even talk to her because she’s too beautiful and so—ironically—this may be the only Type she’s ever dated. So what is a Beautiful Woman to do? Here are some practical tips:

While fashion is usually a girl’s best friend, the excessively beautiful may be wise 1. to skip the make-up and bod-baring frock and think outside the box. In the 80s, going Goth was a safe option; in the 90s you could don a slacker skullcap. Every generation has a style for girls wishing to hide their beauty, and it exists for a reason. Are any of his previous girlfriends models? Do any look almost exactly 2. like you? If the answer is yes, proceed with extreme caution.Double ditto if he has more than once dated anyone in excess of 10 years his junior.3. If you can’t shake these Bozos even in a T-shirt and sweats, gain 15 pounds. 4. No matter how stunning your face is, this Type will never get serious with a girl who is even mildly overweight. Keep a little extra padding on to weed them out—you can always shed it once you’ve found Mr. Right.

Good luck, Beauty Queens. But remember to leave some nerds for the rest of us—they make the best husbands!

PERSONAL

DENIM AND LEATHER FOREvER TOGETHERby Queen Michelle | 2/16/09 | Kingdom of Style tpburl.com/87x4vr Looking at the SS09 Givenchy collection I started to think about a denim and leather combination. Now, I haven’t worn blue denim with leather since seeing Metallica at the Edinburgh Playhouse during their Master of Puppets Tour in 1986. I also had a Rock Mullet, which can only aspire to be half as crap as a Fashion Mul-let. My leather was a biker jacket (natch) and my denim was a pair of the tightest jeans I could fit my skinny little self into and a denim cut-off (that’s a denim jacket which has had the sleeves cut off for all those not old enough to actually remember the 80’s). My denim cut-off sported a full size Motorhead patch on the back, studs around the bottom and assorted small band patches on the front. Nice. So needless to say there are some era’s I find pain-ful to revisit. Yet that pesky Givenchy collection has me thinking about denim and leather. Whilst I find there is no excuse for chaps, or any-thing resembling chaps...ever, I do have an old denim skirt which I thought might look good combined with leather/PVC. The denim skirt actually began life as a pair of Fake London jeans. I stopped wearing the jeans when I didn’t feel the cut was right any longer, but instead of throwing them away I made them into a skirt. I haven’t worn it in many years because I have a mental stumbling block that makes me think I’m just a little too old for a denim skirt. But when I saw the Givenchy collection it gave me the idea to make it more grown up by wearing with PVC trousers.

so here is me last friday test driving the look for work and i have to stay...i’m feeling the combination!

THRIFT STAR OF THE DAY: DUMPSTER LOvEby Painfully Hip | 10/18/08 | Painfully Hip tpburl.com/tnzvg2

A large portion of this outfit was accrued from trash piles and recycling centers. NICE. Some people don’t look this cute after being styled by Rachel effing Zoe for $6,000. Seriously.

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bastardlife.com founder and editor in Chief neal boulton has been everything from the Creative director, the editor in Chief, and the Corporate development editor for some of the foremost publications in america, including outside, men’s fitness, shape, and natural health. a staunch supporter of lgbt outreach, in 2007 boulton was approached by the still embattled lgbt publishing arena to lend his hand at the relaunch of genre magazine—the countries oldest lgbt consumer periodical. in 2008 he launched the runaway hit bastardlife.com which has been called the Cosmo of pansexual online magazines. the guest of such national television programs as the today show, the View, and anderson

Cooper 360, neal has taught at the prestigious school of Journalism at Columbia university, authored the book sex across america, and been called one of the most notorious editors in the country in both gossip columns and magazines chronicling his successes, failures, and outspoken lifestyle.

neal boulton

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PainFully hiP intervieWs the Watson tWinsby Mary Catherine Garrison | 2/16/09 | Painfully Hip tpburl.com/fk2b94 Do you love music? Really good, soulful, music that sometimes has a country spark and sprinkle of folk? Do you love looking at tall, gorgeous girls who are also cool enough to be your best friends? How about two of them? Do you like creative, utterly individual soul-inspiring fashion? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, please read on… Most of you probably already know of the Watson Twins and if you don’t, you can thank me in the comments section after you read this. This indie-folk identical twin twosome first started getting noticed by larger audiences as the striking back-up to Jenny Lewis on her Rabbit Fur Coat record and have since released two solo records, including last years “Fire Songs.” I say striking because let’s face it–two 6 tall gorgeous brunettes with great style is really fun eye candy for anyone who happens to be human. Also because vocally they seem to have ESP, following one another seemingly by pure instinct, as well as pulling off a crazy range of styles from a 60s soul vibe to a Carter Family-like bluegrass harmonic feast. They really are that good. But you know what else will break your heart? They are two of the nicest, coolest, easiest-to-be-around girls you will ever meet. They know no strangers, and I should know: we’ve been friends most of our lives and I could think of no better examples of what Painfully Hip is about: real individual style, done creatively, smartly and on a budget we can all believe in. So at the risk of doubling as a Watson Twins’ fan site (see Diana’s fabulous post from yesterday–total coincidence, by the way!), here is my brief interview with the chanteuses–they were so sweet to answer the questions and snap a few shots of each other while hanging out on

their current tour in Tuscon. Thank you so crazy much, girls!

Mary Catherine: so, to start, tell us a

little about your individual looks. you both

obviously look very similar physically, but

always utterly cool and stylish. and you each

do it differently. what would you say your

differences/similarities are?

Leigh: we both love vintage and shop-

ping thrift, but where we go from there is in

different directions. i feel like my style is a

little more glam maybe, i like lots of bling!!

Chandra rolls more of the bohemian vibe…

but i am slowly showing her that a little bit of

shine goes a long way.

Chandra: i am a practical lady at heart

and one who likes to be comfy and stylish

all at the same time, so when i shop, i am

always looking for basic key pieces to build

off of… a skirt, shirt, vest, etc. that has a great

cut or color… then i’ll pair it with a funky

scarf or boots. soft materials and interest-

ing patterns always catch my eye and i am

beginning to learn the ways of accessorizing,

thanks to leigh, it can be very fun.

MC: do you treat dressing for stage or

tours and dressing for everyday life

differently?

Leigh: totally, i take a lot more risks in

the real world. i have made too many on-

stage mistakes.

Chandra: lots of things come in to ac-

count when dressing for shows. i like to take

in to consideration the space, event, type of

show, etc. and when we’re on tour you are

also limited to the amount of clothes/items

you have in your suitcase, so you have to try

and get creative with what you have.

MC: who inspires you or who are your

fashion role models?

Leigh: mary Catherine garrison, 70’s emmy lou harris and linda ronstadt etc., sienna miller, i think

she always has a definitive look even when sometimes it doesn’t hit the perfect mark.

Chandra definitely some of those 70’s folk singers come to mind, after all music and fashion tend to go

hand in hand.

MC: what are some of your favorite local places to shop?

Leigh: the best stuff i find is usually on the road. Chandra and i try and hit thrift and vintage in our

travels. you just never know what the goodwill in eerie, pa might have to offer.

Chandra it’s true, la can be kinda tough cause there are lots of vintage boutiques… so the thrift stores

are often quite picked over. small towns/cities across the country don’t know what treasures they have! we

buy across the country and carry these items back home… add to the madness of our closets and this makes

us very happy. it’s also a great reminder of the places we’ve been.

MC: what is your absolute favorite item in your closet right now?

Leigh: suspenders.

Chandra steeple boots.

MC: do you have a favorite or unforgettable fashion moment in your life?

leigh: i think one of my favorite dresses to date is the one i wore to the opening night of one of your (mary

Catherine’s) broadway shows…the black number with the painted peacock on the shoulder. a one of a kind,

half-baked idea someone made and sold to me at a yard sale.

Chandra in 5th grade i wore a baby pink izod, florescent pink knit sweater vest and plaid shorts.

MC: what’s happening in the fashion world right now that you absolutely love?

Leigh: high wasted pants. i know everyone has very strong views about this look, but for my six foot

tall bod, i love.

Chandra Cardigan sweater revival, love it.

MC: worst fashion-move you’ve ever made?

Leigh: red tights and black short shorts overalls…in theory it works. (see question #2)

Chandra i think i have successfully blocked them all.

MC: do you either of you have a current favorite outfit?

Leigh: levis, suspenders and an old school henley or thermal.

Chandra short black full skirt, t-shirt and cardigan sweater.

MC: who are you listening to right now?

Leigh: bon iver. (secretly obsessed)

Chandra bill withers

MC: best fashion accessory?

Leigh: hats.

Chandra again… scarves… my obsession.

MC: any fashion tips/short-cuts you’ve learned and want to share?

Leigh: aCCesoriZe! you can go from plain jane to chic with the right accoutrements.

Chandra: ditto. always buy things that are flattering to your shape, good cuts and great materials.

even a simple piece that fits well, something that can be seen as boring, is a great place to start and can be

dressed/funked up once you throw on some accessories.

left: Chandra– top/vest: thrifted; high-waisted jeans: bdg from urban outfitters; woven leather belt (unseen): from her grandma Julia’s closet; steeple boots: thrifted. right: leigh–nautical onesie: thrifted and hemmed to shorts; scarf: vintage/her aunt’s; boots: vintage/thrifted men’s florsheim.

left: Chandra–sweater: thrifted years ago; white t-shirt: ??; skirt: vintage, thrifted and hemmed; tights: h&m; boots: thrifted. right: leigh–shirt: vintage henley; suspenders: present from Chandra; high-waisted jeans: silence+noise from urban outfitters; hat: h&m; boots she bought on tour in denmark

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Sarah Gage | tpburl.com/p3zfmt

boho chic never Felt so aPPro-Priateby Tania Khadder | 2/17/09 | Unemploymentality tpburl.com/mrw8t1 No disposable income for a new wardrobe? No problem. You can achieve the latest looks with a just a few simple items you might find in your closet, basement or garage - especially if you were a teenager in the 90s. To help you dress for your lack of success, Unemploymentality explores some of the hottest trends for fall, straight from New York Fashion Week:

relaxed fit pants:• skinny jeans are out, which is a shame since canned soup has done wonders for my silhouette.underwear as outerwear:• it is now appropriate to wear a bra as a shirt. Just don’t sport this look at your next job interview.Cutouts:• take your favorite little black dress and cut a few holes in it. Voila. style icon.the military Jacket:• i don’t know about you, but i think i might still have one that i got from hot topic in the 9th grade.shoulder pads: • if you can’t figure out a way to make these, you don’t deserve a job.statement necklace:• make your own with some string, food coloring and a bag of maca-roni. tell the world you’re broke.

Those Brown Eyes | tpburl.com/dkjsv8

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Alexander Thompson | tpburl.com/5mfdb3

DON’T TELL ME TO GO ON PROJECT RUNWAY!by Admins | 2/16/09 | 39th & Broadway tpburl.com/dvw5tg In honor of our newest poll, ”What is your favorite guilty pleasure fashiony TV show?” we’ve decided to write about one of our favorites, Project Runway. More specifically, regarding a particular pet peeve we have in relation to that show. You may have been in this same predica-ment over Thanksgiving or are dreading it in the upcoming holidays, the ever popular question, “Why don’t you tryout for Project Runway?” This question often comes from a well meaning relative back home or an old friend not in the business. It’s a frustrating question only topped by the, “You know, you should just launch your own clothing line” statement. So here are our thoughts on the Project Runway issue: Project Runway has given the false impression to millions of Americans that becoming a successful designer, or having your own label, is something that can just be awarded to you, like a record contract or extreme makeover. Fashion really doesn’t work that way. It’s an ever evolving business that goes beyond one individual’s talent; it requires business skills, sales contacts, production capabilities, and lots of financial backing. Explaining to somebody not in the business, that 100k to make a line of samples does not beget your own line of designer clothing. Until Project Runway’s prize is, the production and sale of a line, the prize is really in the publicity. This brings us to another irritating issue in the Project Runway question. Why does everyone believe that we all want to be famous? Many designers just want to do good work that fulfills them creatively whether or not their name is on the label. Additionally, even if your desire is for your own label, that does not equate with wanting to be a reality TV star or D-list celebrity. Then of course, there is the question of money. In order to compete in Project Runway you will, no doubt, have to quit your current fashion job just for a chance to win 100k (which with NYC taxes is only about 60k). Giving up a good job and regular salary in the most expensive city in the country is a luxury many NYC fashionistas can not afford to take. Not to mention that, as talented as many of the PR designers have been, moving up in fashion on their own would have certainly been possible. So what real advantage does going on Project Runway provide? This brings us to our original inspiration, an article in the NY Times the other week featur-ing the apartment of Project Runway alum Daniel Vosovic. As talented and as famous as Daniel is now, his life and career are not much different than those of us not on reality TV. Daniel is currently a freelance fashion designer, recently designing hotel uniforms, and living with four roommates in a 5k a month Manhattan apt with a typical tiny NYC kitchen (see pictures below). Working in the garment center we spot Project Runway alum working in our build-ings at the same kind of jobs we are all struggling through. What about the big winners of PR? Winner Jeffery Sebelia already had his own label Cosa Nostra, before beginning the show. After winning, he used the prize money to pay off some bills and the cost of all that fashion show sampling. He received one order from Fred Segal for 8 pieces, and since he already had his own company and production capability, he was able to deliver. But the prize money was not enough to expand his business or even support him, so he had to take on another design-ing job. What was his first post PR commission? He is the costume designer for the Bratz dolls. There was also winner Chloe Dao, who before winning PR owned her own boutique in Texas, and after winning, runs her own slightly larger boutique in Texas. What about the larger than life, first ever PR winner, Jay McCarroll? After winning PR, Jay spent the next 2 years basically homeless living with various friends in NYC trying to figure out how the business of fashion actually works. It was only this year that he was finally able to get his clothing made, albeit mostly t-shirts and accessories (not the avant-garde pieces he loved) through an online bou-tique. We are not the only ones to see the flaw in Project Runway’s purpose. Who can forget, all the difficulties they had last season recruiting enough talent to compete on the show. All around NYC they were begging for designers to tryout but most preferred to keep their jobs. So next time somebody says, “You are so fashionable, you should go on Project Runway.” Just say, “Thanks, but I’d rather work in fashion than be a reality TV star” and then hand them a copy of this article.

hoW much do clothes really cost?by Cicely Rude | 2/16/09 | Earthly Happenings tpburl.com/wk5yp0 Fashion Week is back, and according to Co-op Bank’s Ethical Consumerism (UK) re-port, the market for ethically-produced cloth-ing will continue to climb in 2009 regardless of the economic turmoil. Fair trade fashion had a growth spurt of 79% from 2005-2006 and is still going strong. At the same time, ethically questionable clothes have never been cheaper. However, bear in mind that an off-the-rack outfit was probably made by someone earning the equivalent of a few pennies a day, possibly handling cotton treated heavily with pesticides. Around the world, about 30 million people work in textile factories, and approximately 80%-90% of these textile workers are women. Around 25% of all the world’s insecticides and 10% of all pesticides are used to grow the cotton used to make clothes, despite the World Health Organiza-tion pointing out that blood poisoning from pesticide exposure among cotton workers accounts for 20,000 deaths every year. So if you take a moment to consider the economic, ecological, human health and life costs of cheap garments, they aren’t cheap at all. Dan Welch of Ethical Consumer magazine has expressed enthusiasm about the swelling ranks of socially aware fashion retailers, ‘They’re the kind of growth figures to make the most cynical business take note.” Big-name designers and small start-ups alike are part of the popular ethical and fair trade fashion movement. ‘That said,’ Welch continues, “...there’s no simple equation between price on the rack and poor conditions in the supply chain.” That means there is no guarantee that clothes sold under an expensive label have been made ethically. Now, with a global economic crisis in full-swing, there has been increased demand for well-made clothes that will last instead of disposable ‘McFashion’. Homemade, vintage and charity store clothing sales are up, as are sales at fabric stores.

PHOTOS

Eric Charles | tpburl.com/3pcmy4

Stephanie Leigh | tpburl.com/h95x6w

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submit today: the Printed blog is alWasy looking For neW bloggers and PhotograPhers submit your Work online at thePrintedblog.com

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FASHION

PHOTOS Clayton Hauck | tpburl.com/0fzxq8

e-clothing For the techie in youby Admins | 2/16/09 | 39th & Broadway tpburl.com/v32yb5 Fashion and technology go hand and hand, especially recently. What fashionistas outfit is complete without her slick little iPhone or iPod? From futuristic looking laptops to the newest cell phones, gadgets have become “must have” accessories. At the mall teens are just as likely to be spotted overrunning the Apple store as Abercrombie & Finch. Technology has become sexy; and geek chic is no longer just for the geek! Inside the fashion industry technology is a staple of doing business. Many designers no longer use pen and paper for sketching, but rather work via Computer Aided Design. And what fashion salesman or executive would be complete without their crackberry Blackberry. So it was only a matter of time before technology and fashion take that next step forward. The evolution of computer technology integrating into wearable clothing has been underway for several years now. The active-wear market was a forerunner in using techie elements in their designs. Be it actual electronic lights in tracksuits for safety while running at night, or by incorporating pockets and openings to hold cell phones and Mp3s while working- out. Chil-dren’s wear has also been ahead in this area; who hasn’t seen a kid whose shoes are irritatingly flashing and beeping? However, the real step forward is what several designers and engineers are working on, making a wearable personal computer. Infineon Laboratory on Emerging Technologies has created a technique to make the computer microchip wearable and washable. By using woven strips of fabric that contain conducting wire, which are then covered by silver and plastic, tech-nology becomes wearable. They have also developed a plastic material similar to polyurethane to encapsulate the chip module. Infineon is focusing on creating apparel that could function as a communication device, have GPS abilities, and contain health-care technologies like a wear-able heart monitor. There are many challenges in this area, chief among them, is balancing the technological function with style and comfort. Additionally, there are many who ques-tion the safety aspect of E-clothing. Most importantly are concerns related to electrical shocks, and cancer causing waves. Last year electronics giant Phillips and clothing manufacture Levi’s teamed up to create the ICD+ line. This line of jackets incorporated a cell phone, Mp3 player, and universal remote control within a single garment. Like much E-Clothing the price tag was high and really only appeals to a few tech savvy luxury consumers. Besides the functionality of merging technology with apparel there’s also the fashion as-pect. E-Clothing at its best can be stunning and inspiring, where technology takes a backseat to fashion. An example is when designer Hussein Chalayan and Swarovski teamed up to create the brilliant dress shown above. By combining LED lights and translucent fabric they created a one of a kind design for the luxury market. LED as a fashion element has become so increasingly popular that it has inspired its own LED fashion show in San Francisco last year. We predict that the E-Clothing trend will only grow bigger going forward and we encourage all designers to start thinking of techie inspired elements to incorporate into your lines. And on a personal note, to all you cold weather accessory designers, please, please design gloves with an index finger opening for our iPods and iPhones.

HELP DOC! I’M SUFFERING FROM LUxURY FATIGUEby Admins | 1/28/09 | 39th & Broadway tpburl.com/cy0j3v Right now, we are all questioning the role of luxury goods in this economic climate. If you have not yet heard the phrase “luxury fatigue” you soon will, and in fact you may be suffering from it. For so long the name brand or designer label was the epitome of fashion, but that has begun to change. Having the “it” bag of the season was the goal for many women over the last decade, but it’s time has passed. The consumer is literally getting tired of keeping up with the Joneses and spending larger and larger percentages of their income on fashion merchandise. Part of our fatigue is due to the abundance of luxury goods, which as we all know, quantity can dilute quality. While we often write here about the mass and mid-tier markets selling out, the luxury market is also a culprit. The high-end market has become so oversaturated that it has lost the ability to evoke emotion any more. Many of these designers are more about PR and marketing than innovative fashion. The effect of licensing out your name or logo onto any product under the sun, results in luxury fatigue for your customer. Luxury fatigue is hurting many designer’s bottom line this year. In the past, even during economic troubles, luxury brands survived because the very wealthy still had large disposable incomes. However, in the last decade these brands have grown and expanded because, with credit so easily available, a Chanel bag was within reach to all. As the designer label grew in status, American’s credit debt grew as well, until of course the bubble burst last fall. Now these luxury brands are seeing significant drops in sales, as only their core customers remain. We’ve already seen a number of designers pull out of New York’s fashion week due to financial con-straints. High-end stores posted major losses for 2008, and brands like Dolce & Gabbana and Cavalli are having difficulties staying afloat. A major factor in luxury fatigue is, that luxury is at the wrong end of the spectrum in the fashion cycle. Right now, our culture is all about: change, going green, cutting back, home-made, sustainability, service and rejecting the greed that got us in this situation to begin with. Just like the backlash to those driving Escalades instead of Priuses, the fashion police are saying no to the big labels, “it” bags, and exotic furs. We began to see this trend last fall, when after Wall Street began to crash the wife of Lehman Brother’s Ceo was seen at Hermes hiding her recent purchases in generic shopping bags instead of Hermes signature orange ones. The flour-ish of socialites and wealthy New Yorkers hiding recognizable Tiffany and Prada bags inside non-logo shopping bags became a trend throughout last holiday season. Not only are we all suffering from luxury fatigue, but it is no longer fashionable to be a walking billboard. Those obsessed with brand names and designer duds are now being viewed as out of touch and old. Now is the time that individuality is valued over brand name and wearing an indie designer rather than a couture label is the hot trend. Even our first lady with her choice of newcomer Jason Wu rather than Oscar De La Renta is a sign of our changing times. So this year as you hit the stores, if you’re feeling luxury fatigue kick in, take the opportunity to find innovative ways to express your style in your own unique way.

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Mashable NextUp NYC: The State of the New York Blogosphere - Head downtown for a night of networking, conversation and new ideas at the first installment of Mashable NextUp NYC at 92YTribeca. 2/24/09, 6:00pm.Tickets $20, $25 at the door http://mashable.com/nextup-nyc

Celebrate Carnival at Brazilian Steakhouse Texas de Brazil: Beads, Shot Blocks and a Trip to Carnival 2010 - Guests will be provided with celebration beads and can enter to win a trip for two to celebrate Carnival 2010 in Brazil. Feb 19 - Feb 25, 2009 51 East Ohio St. Chicago, IL 60611

Israel’s leading contemporary dance ensemble performing at UCLA’s Royce Hall. Directed by the internationally acclaimed dancer/cho-reographer Ohad Naharin.

Join The MidWasteland and Pivot for the launch of their exclusive ‘original eco’ collection. 30% off new Pivot merchandise with the pur-chase of any vintage item on the night of the event! Pivot -1101 W. Fulton Market Chicago, IL Feb. 26th from 6 -9pm

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toP ten Favorite eats in the garmet districtby Admins | 1/1/09 | 39th & Broadway tpburl.com/d7zb6y (Fashion Flashback - this was originally posted on 9/9. This was one of our most popular posts when we started so we thought we would give it one more run to share with you our favorite local eats and a good resource when you’re deciding what to do for lunch or post work.) We decided to compile a list of some of our favorite spots around town to get food. Below are the results in no particular order.

Havana @ 27 W 38th st - Great place for Cuban food, 1. especially to sneak in a lunch time mojito.Bravo Pizza @ 1367 Broadway - Not just great pizza, but 2. outstanding and addicting garlic knots.Pax- With several locations, abundant menus, and online ordering you can’t go wrong.3. Guy & Gallard @ 469 7th Ave - Some will argue the best 4. coffee around, plus delicious breakfast choices.Ginger’s @ 512 7th Ave - Everyone’s favorite Chinese, 5. eat in, order out, lunch specials for $5.50!!!Atrium @ 485 7th Ave - Great Panini, and we love their tuna on a croissant.6. The Pump Energy Food @ 112 W 38th St - Best health food around plus delicious shakes.7. Simply Pasta @ 120 W 41st St - Best place for taking the team out 8. to eat or ordering in for dinner when working late.Cafe Metro @ 530 7th Ave - Great salad bar and our favorite Friday pasta fix.9. Pret - Yummy sandwiches and salads and best of all their 10. newest location is 39th and Broadway!!!

PHOTOS Mitchell Davis | tpburl.com/2h3x74

FOOD

RECESSIONISTA: RECESSION-FRIENDLY PREMIUM DENIMby Amy Overman | 2/3/09 | The Mid Wasteland tpburl.com/jyrtz3 Once upon a time denim was the fabric of choice for the downtrodden working classes - but that was before the days of $300+ jeans. Probably not what Neil Diamond had in mind when he sang “Forever in Blue Jeans” and crooned about choosing to be poor and forced to only wear denim just to be with his lady love. So maybe the recession has made me cynical - or perhaps I’m over-romanticizing the gritty, proletariat beginnings of denim - but I’m not too impressed by Rock & Republic’s Recession Col-lection. Debuting March 1st, the new line features two styles each for men and women (Irony Alert: the men’s straight leg is called “Neil”) ranging from $128 - $132. It’s significantly cheaper than their usual $200-$320 price range, but I have some reservations. Much of the blogging community seems super psyched about the new line, but the ques-tion is, how much of the quality is compromised by cutting the cost? Premium denim is only worth it when it lasts for years and looks amazing. Having only seen photos, I’m reserving final judgement until I can actually try them on and feel the fabric. Plus, given the extreme mark-up in the clothing industry, I doubt that Rock and Republic is really making a huge sacrifice to offer this diffusion line. So I’m not buying Creator Michael Ball’s claim that he’s trying to “empower consumers during this challenging time in the global economy.” So, what do you guys think? Am I the Wicked Witch of the Economy who should have a foreclosed home dropped on her for turning up her nose at any sort of price reduction? Maybe this is a genuine and socially-responsible move by a fashion company. Or is this just an exploi-tation of global financial downturn to create a marketing scheme to sell more jeans? Or are you somewhere in the middle and thinking that this is just the natural direction that the industry has to take to survive?

PHOTOS Lauren Bost | tpburl.com/45mg20

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Lauren Bost | tpburl.com/45mg20

PETA’S NEW TARGET: “PINOCCHIO ARMANI”by Chloé van der Wel | 1/15/09 | Runway to Retail tpburl.com/7dzkg9 Now that PETA got their most recent target, Donna Karan, to vow not to use fur, they’ve turned all their attention to Giorgio Armani. The organization took a full-page ad out in theVa-riety depicting Armani with an elongated nose, urging Oscar attendees to shun Armani’s designs on the red carpet, since the designer apparently broke a promise to avoid using fur. A year ago, Armani told reporters before showing his Armani Prive collection: “There is no fur in the collection. Many years ago I actually made a declaration that I wouldn’t use fur. I used some fur in some recent collections, and the organization PETA, whom most of you are familiar with, discussed this particular issue, and presented some information to me and I’m not using fur in my collection.” PETA’s new ad charges that Armani’s latest collections “include fur-trimmed skirts and coats, as well as jackets and even snowsuits for toddlers trimmed with rabbit fur.” In addition to the ad, the organization has written to all Oscar nominees, urging them to wear a designer like Stella McCartney or Vivienne Westwood, both of which are fur-free. “We’ve met with Armani in the past, and he seems far more concerned with dressing Hol-lywood than with protests,” PETA vice president Dan Mathews said. “So we’re taking it to where he’s most vulnerable. No designer cozies up to celebrities the way Armani does, and there’s no organization that courts celebrities the way PETA does. So now it’s war on the red carpet.” An Armani representative had no comment, since Armani had not yet seen the ad.

save my coWorkers From another aWkWard undergarment conversationby Ben Boudreau | 1/12/09 | No Ordinary Rollercoaster tpburl.com/fcnp14 Lately I’ve been seeing more tights than I really care to mention. I’ve more or less come to terms with the fact that they’re here to stay (for the time-being) and gladly welcome them into fashion so long as they are not used as an alternative to pants. Oh - and provided that you all understand that I can only accept tights or shoulder pads...not both...so you made your choice. GIVE IT UP, “LADY” GAGA. Nevertheless, I have some questions. The last time I really understood the composition and function of tights was when I worked at a day camp and this kid was obsessed with lifting her dress above her head. I fear for what she grew up to be - Beyoncé perhaps? - but at that point, thank god for tights. Since I rarely see women in various stages of undress and the newf is not allowed to wear tights (for a variety of reasons), I find myself hypnotized by their clingy exis-tence every time my fashionable coworkers walk by. Erm...not in a creepy way, I assure you. Okay. Kinda in a creepy way. Sorry, ladies.

How far up do they go? Are they thigh-high? Higher? All the way to the waist?1.

If at waist-height...do you still wear underwear with them or would that be unnecessarily doubling-up?2.

If necessarily/unnecessarily doubling-up, do you go the thong route or is a tights day a granny panties day? 3.

If its the latter, I think I’m beginning to understand the rise of tights...it’s not that girls love tights, it’s just a

better alternative to ass-floss.

Say you’re seducing someone while wearing tights, is it terribly difficult trying to undress in a sexy way? I 4.

think it would take a Pussycat Doll to get out of tights in a sexy way and even then it’d only be sexy in the

way that a woman doing an upside-down spread eagle is sexy. So....sexy with a touch of hepatitis.

Back to the big underwear question...when leading up to the act of love (the slutty kind, not the romance 5.

kind), do you seem overprotective when the guy has to get through so many layers to get to the main

event? I mean dress, tights, granny panties - where does it end?? You’re like one of those freaky Russian

doll things that have 384 ladies all stored within a bigger lady. You know what I’m sayin’?

I’m sure I could come up with more questions but at a certain point you just have to let the mystery of girls stay a mystery. And I’m not kidding...I will not be so accepting if shoulder pads come back. Unless I can wear them too. I strongly support the Zoot Suit.

HUMMERS AND THE FASHION OF FRUGALITYby William Elliott Hazelgrove | 1/16/09 | The view from Hemmingway’s Attic tpburl.com/ct581x They say Hummers are toast. No more. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s fifty thousand dollar toy has hit the ash heap of conspicuous consumption as another relic of our old economy. Soccer moms pasting on eye liner up in their dark command vehicle will not be the defining image of the Obama era. Excess is out. Ring the bells. Even if you can afford it you don’t want to be tool-ing around anymore in your Porche or your monstrous SUV. These gas guzzlers are dinosaurs of our age gone by. Move over for bug like electric cars and lots of Hyundai’s. The Hummer craze was our age at it’s most disgusting. Middle class people tooling around in a billboards that said I got it all...top of the Mountain baby. You could not ignore those black military vehicles that took up all of their lane and some of yours. They literally could push your car out of the way. The people inside said it all, staring out of tinted windows at the poor middle class hordes who could not afford bulletproof luxury. This was crass consumerism at it’s worst. They even came out with a middle class Hummer that kept the tag around a cool fifty thousand and didn’t’ hit the seventy K price tag of those early beasts that were the domain of rock stars and action heroes. But they have quit making them. You can see them in the car lots now. The Hummers broke from basic black with a yellow Hummer, a red Hummer, a Hummer for every family in America. Can there be any bigger statement as to what went wrong with the American Dream when the signpost of material success was a military vehicle designed for desert climates? Little Johnny and Susie will no longer spill out from combat ready command ships, ready to secure the perimeter of the schoolyard. I hear tell there is a new station wagon on the drawing boards of not a few companies. The new fashion in middle class transportation will be green and if you can’t afford green then it will be modest. Station wagons could be the new benchmark in the rush to be just middle class again. The Hummer will go back to being a military vehicle as the roads fill with Girly men driving cars they can afford. RIP Arnie.

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