THE MESMERIZING TALES OF

DOUGLAS DUNN, NOTABLE NORTHERNER, GROANER, MUMBLER AND SLOW LEFT ARM TWEAKER.

Part One – In the beginning

In the early part of the 21st century, in a little Lancastrian village, somewhere up North, something amazing happened. Into this world a babe was born, but not just any babe, this was to be one day the greatest northerner, groaner, mumbler and slow left arm tweaker the world has ever seen, and this is his story. Even as a small infant, Douglas Dunn or Douggie as we know him today, used to play with balls and large pieces of wood. He would bash those balls all over the Lancashire hills, smashing windows, and killing pets in the process. His antics where to be emulated by former England batsmen Geoffrey Boycott. When Douggie reached puberty, something changed in him, he acquired the ability to moan, yes readers, moan. After being cruelly sent into the pits, he used his batting technique to help him mine coal. After four long years, his coal mining days were abruptly ended as he was pressed ganged into the Royal Navy. On one summer’s morning, moored in Plymouth docks, the ship’s crew decided to play a game of cricket, Officers versus the others. After the Officers had run through most of the opposition, it was Douggie’s turn to bat, and with the score at 13-9 after three over’s and batting at number eleven, he then turned his god given talent into something so spectacular that the Royal Navy still recognise it today with a special ceremony that is far too in-depth to write here. He mustered a batting performance that lasted for 7 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes and 23 seconds, scoring predominantly over slips and fine leg, he amassed a score of 953 runs in that time, falling 57 runs short of his thousandth due to being bowled whilst moaning at a small child who was walking towards the square. This colossal innings was also aided afterwards, once the Officers were put into bat, chasing and improbable 967 runs to win, with Douggie taking the new ball and using his unique bowling skill, which is highly top secret, all we know is that he bowls ‘Slow Left Arm’ with something extra added, but with this talent, he snared all ten wickets of the Officers innings, ending with match figure of 5 over’s, 2 maidens, 10 wickets for 10 runs.