BY MR JAMES KERLEY

THE

MANPLAN

FATHER'S DAYEDITION

1 SEPT. 2013

THEMAN PLAN

Dealing with relationships, any relationships, can be a total minefield for us guys. In my book, The Man Plan, which covers a tonne of life lessons

I “borrowed” from people much smarter than me, one of the things I talk about is how important it is to get on with people. Your mates,

your partner, your partner’s parents, people you work with, flatmates, neighbours, even the local barman. The one person we don’t give enough

space to is our Dad – he’s been around forever and we spend as much time thinking about him as we do on the importance of thumbs. Not good enough

– he deserves more. This chapter goes out to all our Dads…

JAMES KERLEY

PATERNAL INSTINCTSWHY DOES DAD ALWAYS GETS A RAW DEAL?

Our mothers lugged us around for nine months before we were born, whereas at that stage, our fathers’ involvement may just have been purely pleasurable.It’s no surprise, then, that our mums do better on the present front – WE SPEND ABOUT 37% LESS ON OUR DADS than on them. A whole heap of research came out this year on the rough deal dads get around Father’s Day. We spend $56.2 MILLION on rubbish the old man doesn’t even

like, and 49% OF US don’t have a clue what to buy him. 90% OF AUSSIES ask their mum, sister, girlfriend or granny to do the shopping – man up and do it yourself. 39% OF DADS expect at least one of us grown up kids to forget their special day. Not bad, Dad – 36% OF US admit we have. The upside of that is that 3% OF DADS are up for a nice little surprise- even if they do end up with stupid barbecue aprons.

TRY HARD DADHe listens to LMFAO, buys brand

name tees and likes all your comments and friends’ comments on Facebook.

MAD DOG DADHe flamin' loves swearin' and being

tough. Even the local dogs are scared of him and his tatts.

PIE EATER DADThis chompy chubster will clean the plates after dinner…straight into his

gullet.Main exercise is with the remote.

SOCIALLY INEPT DADSomeone appreciates his jokes –

a shame it’s him. It's a miracle this battler met your mother at all.

ROCKSTAR DADNever got over his obsession with KISS.

Performs air guitar at family parties and when your mates are over.

GRANDAD DADForget about learning soccer with

him – it’s bridge, croquet and Bing Crosby appreciation for you.

DIY DADThe tinkerer/inventer/hopeless

money saver will never finish the Balinese gazebo in the backyard.

NOTSOMUCHAROUND DADThe workaholic/traveller had other

things to do when you were learning to tie your shoelaces.

WHOEVER HE IS, HE’S YOUR DAD. TRY TO BUILD A DECENT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.

WHO’S YOUR DADDY?WHERE DOES YOURS FIT IN?

If you stop and look at the things that annoy you about your dad, generally they’re things you don’t like about yourself. As they say, the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. Maybe you’re lucky and have a cracking relationship with your dad, maybe you don’t have a relationship at all. Whatever your sitch, getting on with your old man is an important part of getting your life together. Recent international research on the father-son relationship shows that getting on with your dad does a lot for your long-term self esteem, your anxiety levels and even academic performance. Those old guys of psychoanalysis, Freud and Jung, both reckoned you can’t really get a sense of who you are without knowing your dad. Jungians even go so far as to say if you don’t physically like the look of your old man, you may end up being turned off by all bodies. Weird, or what.

THE POWER OF DADSWHAT THE PSYCHOANALYSTS SAY...

DECODING DADIt’s safe to say a lot of dads fake it on the gift front. They’re so used to getting dud gifts they’ve had plenty of practice, the poor bastards. It’s downhill as soon as blokes start shaving and a packet of disposable razors is seen as an acceptable present. Latest stats on the present front is that 42% of Aussie dads have pretended to like a gift, and 55% of Aussie kids know their dad will pretend to like anything they buy for him. But you don’t want your dad to have to give an Oscar award-winning performance on Father’s Day, so steer clear of these no-go zones.

MY OWN HANDY TRANSLATION GUIDE

It’s safe to say a lot of dads fake it on the gift front. They’re so used to getting dud gifts they’ve had plenty of practice, the poor battlers. It’s downhill as soon as blokes start shaving and a packet of disposable razors is seen as an acceptable present. Latest stats on the present front is that 42% of Aussie dads have pretended to like a gift, and 55% of Aussie kids know their dad will pretend to like anything they buy for him. But you don’t want your dad to have to give an Oscar award-winning performance on Father’s Day, so steer clear of these no-go zones.

“Thanks.”

“Just what I wanted.”

“These handkerchiefs will come in handy.”

“Thanks for the socks. I hope you get tinea.”

“Great. Fly spray. Again.”

“Nose rags? Seriously?”

YOU GET HIM HE SAYS HE MEANS

HAVE A DRINK Find a nice whisky that you both like and share

a glass with the old fella.

MAN CAMPINGThe best way of incorporating adventure,

bonding, man skills, lack of man skills and annoying each other in one bonding package.

MATCHING SUITMatching leopard print suits from Bali will

make you look like creeps; be subtle about it or go for matching cuff links or shirts.

LIVE IT UPBuy tickets to a sporting match you’d both love, or to the least painful of his fave artists who’ve

dragged themselves out of retirement.

DAD-FRIENDLY SPORTS70% of Aussie dads want to spend more time

with their kids – regular games of golf, or fishing, hiking or cycling trips could do the trick.

MAN TIMEFORGET THE SOCKS - BOND WITH THE OLD MAN

In my early twenties, my mum and dad called it quits on their marriage. Never a fun thing to watch but it did allow me to develop a closer relationship with each of them. Dad was an average cook, so I booked us both into a cooking course, and got to know a few more sides to him. I had a laugh at him ruining some pretty simple dishes but, more importantly, created some memories that when he is gone will sit pretty sweet in the rear view mirror.

There are many ways to bond with your old man. Whether you’ve already got a cracking relationship or you think he’s a right old piece of work, improving that bond will pay dividends in your other relationships.

ROAD TRIPThe best bonding/hostage situation– priceless

as you get to see your old fella as a human and not just that old grump who brought you up.

FATHER’S DAY IS A REALLY GOOD EXCUSE TO STEP

THINGS UP ON THE RELATIONSHIP FRONT WITH

THE OLD FELLA.

AS TOUGH AS WE AUSSIE MALES LIKE TO THINK WE ARE,

WE ALL LOVE TO FEEL SPECIAL AND NEEDED.

CHEESY STUFF ASIDE, SPEND SOME EFFORT ON FATHER’S

DAY AND, IF NOTHING MORE, YOU’LL GET HEAPS BETTER

PRESENTS FOR YOUR B’DAY AND XMAS.

CLOSING RANT

THIS ISN'T

AWKWARD.

SHUT UP

AND SMILE.

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