Mark Hansen, CSP, PE, CPEA, CPSA, CPE

Director, Risk Management

The Lost Art of

Schmoozing

The Lost Art of Schmoozing

… Never miss an opportunity …

And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more. Erica Jong

If you Choose NOT to Schmooze

I wasn’t always an Schmoozer …

I wasn’t always an Schmoozer …

I wasn’t always an Schmoozer …

I wasn’t always an Schmoozer …

These are my crayonsThere are many like these But these are mine …My crayons are my best friend.I must master them as I master my life.Without me my crayons uselessWithout my crayons, I am useless …

In it All, We Have to Keep Our Sense of Humor …

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move … a body

New $100 Bill

Autocorrect makes me say things I don’t Nintendo

Science and Math

Applied to Schmoozing

i

Fuzzy Logic – Degrees of Truth(allows things to be partially true)

Temperature

Water

% T

ime

0 100

Less and less true

the water is cold

Absolutely true

that water is cold

Cold Hot

More and more true

the water is hot

Fuzzy Logic – Degrees of Truth(allows thing to be partially true)

How often you Lie

Lying

% T

ime

0 100

Lie too muchLie more and more Pathological Liar

The Lost Art of Schmoozing

… Never miss an opportunity …

The key to success in management is keeping the people that hate you from the

people that haven’t made up their minds yet. Casey Stengel

Schmoozing Defined

To talk casually, especially in order to

gain an advantage

or

make a social connection.http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/schmooze

Try a little tact you fathead. Burt Reynolds

Mark’s Definition of Schmoozing

The way people build

relationships …

… in business.

I’ve been hiding from exercise. I’m in the Fitness Protection Program.

A Few Keys

• Think Analog, not

digital (The Internship)

• Prepare for every

event

• Determine what you

have in common with

other people at the

event

• Prepare a self-

introduction (short)

• Approach the person

standing alone

• Just smile and say “Hi”

or “Hello”

• Make small talk

• Go with the intention

of having fun

• Smile

• Be well read e.g., WSJ,

Economist, etc.

A bore is someone who has no small talk.

Sir Alexander Korda (movie producer)

Listening … Why we Stink at it

• Thinking about what we are going to

say … Repeat what they just said.

• Multi-tasking. We can do many things

at once but poorly.

• Looking at other people. Concentrate

on the person as the most important

thing you are doing.

• Distracted … Looking at iPhone.

God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason

Introvert v Extrovert

• Max influenceGroup

Interaction

Consumes

Energy

Group

Interaction

Generates

EnergyHang with an

Extrovert

Networking v Schmoozing

Professional Meetings

Exchanging business cards

Business focused

Discussing skills sets Time outside of work

Superiors get to know you

Getting to know superiors

Quasi-Business focused

Working

Hard to get

ahead

Learning the

Secret

Handshake

Negative Views of Schmoozing

Brown nosing

Wasting time

Reduced productivity

Impractical

Misconceptions

Management would be easy if it wasn’t for all the people.

Excuses for not Schmoozing

• I didn’t think it was important

• It’s not appropriate

• There’s not enough time

• If you have the talent you don’t need to schmooze

• I’m shy / introverted

• I’m not sure what to reveal

• I’m afraid of rejection

• I don’t want to do it

• My boss is unresponsive

• It’s difficult to get the conversation going and keep it going

• I don’t like it

• I don’t drink alcohol

• I don’t want to be labeled

• It’s superficial

• It’s phony and dishonest

• It feels like there must be an ulterior motive

• I have to give up time that I’d rather use for doing things I enjoy

• It’s just small talk

• I’m pretending to have fun

• My hands get clammy

• It’s uncomfortable

Shyness …

Preoccupied

with self

Will I be:

funny?

accepted?

Will they like me?

Do I sound

stupid?

Will I make a

mistake?

Sometimes I’m afraid of bears. Sometimes I’m not. I think I’m bipolar.

Think you are too Shy?

• Change your behavior

• Adapt

• No pain no gain

• Builds critical

relationships

It builds:

• Rapport

• Trust

• Loyalty

Shy

Schmoozer

Relationships

It’s not that I dislike many people. It’s just that I don’t like many people. Bryant Gumbel

Post hoc ergo propter hoc

80% experience shyness

around people that are

more important than we

are

Getting Over Shyness

• Make them come to you … Be the speaker

• Research the Group and individuals …

Google is your friend

• Bring a friend or a wingman or woman

• Have a few opening lines …

– What’s the coolest thing you’re working on right

now?

– How do you spend most of your time?

– How did you hear about the event?

– When there’s a common tie, such as alumni group:

What year did you graduate/what house or dorm

did you live in?

Six Ways NOT to Shake Hands

A handshake that is wet with sweat

A handshake with no real grip

Creeeepy

Yucky

A handshake that pinches the fingers

Ouch!

A handshake the goes longer than three shakes

You like me way too much! A handshake without eye contact and a quick exit

Awkward …

The Handshake that is bone-breaking!

Ahhnold! I’ll be bak!

Male

Female

Peer

Boss

Future Boss

A bad handshake can delay rapport for a hourWash your hands frequently if you shake hands

Reading

People is

Challenging

Do you have a Sense of

Humor?

Sources

• Reader’s Digest

• Sirius Radio

• TV

• Daily Life

• HalfPrice Books Clearance

• Dilbert

• Bizarro

• Non Sequitur

• Real Life

• Websites

The world is full of Safety Professionals that are terminally serious. It is

aggravating the rest of us. If you didn’t chuckle at that, it’s probably you!

Other Questions to Ask(Without talking about the weather)

What was the most …

• Awkward

• Interesting

• Bizarre

• Interesting problem you

solved

What was ..

• Weirdest thing that

happened to you

• Your favorite

Who is ..

• The most interesting

person you’ve met?

Why?What was ..

• Weirdest thing that has

happened to you

• Your favorite …

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as “Indexers, Society of, The”?

Jedi Mind Tricks – Flirting(The Power of Suggestion)

Males

• Sincere

– Self disclosure –

transparent

– Attentive

– Less fidgety

Females

• Laugh and smile

• Coy gaze

– Bashful

– Shy

– reserve

“These are not the droids you are looking for.”

Subtle is the key – Obvious has the

opposite affect

… Leaning …

Are Lower Voices Better?

Lower Voices Preferred

(True for both Male and Female)

• Stronger

• Greater physical prowess

• More competent

• Have greater integrity

• Older and wiser

The difficulty with quotes on the Internet is verifying them. Abraham Lincoln

To Touch or Not to Touch1,368 men and women were asked to color in areas of the body

where touching from a particular type of person was OK

Hands

Arms

Shoulders

Below the knee

Private areas

Women … Can’t live with ‘em … pass the beer nuts. Norm Peterson, Cheers

Big Ideas

• Don’t save them for the big

meeting

• Share at informal gatherings

(elevator speech)

• Get consensus

• Get the word out

• Say “we” not “me”

I don’t think there’s anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers - I mean

Chargers. Bill Belicheck

Dining

Where is the

Power Position?

We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees. Jason Kidd

Cautions When Schmoozing

The organizational hierarchy

is still in place

Always remember the

organizational context

Connect up the ladder 2-3-4

Superior Words for Schmoozers

Acerebral Without a brain

That presentation was acerebral, don’t you think?

Anabiosis Revival after death

I’m still in anabiosis after that acceptance speech

Coxcomb A conceited fool

He/she was such a real coxcomb (say it with a smile)

Ephemeral Short-lived, lasting but a day

That speech will have such an ephemeral impact on my career

Macrology Long tiresome talk

I’d like you to meet one of our leading macrologists

Sciolism Superficial knowledge

As always I bow to your superior sciolism

Zzxjoanw Maori drum

Bonus word for all you Scrabble players

Following Up

LinkedIn

• Ask to connect

• Read their profile

• Keep in touch

• Don’t follow up too

soon after connecting

• Send them information

“occasionally”

• Look for common

attributes

Interdependence is a higher value than independence. Stephen Covey

Conclusions

• Stretch yourself … don’t be shy

• Handshakes … think about it

• Have a sense of humor

• Touching is okay when done appropriately

• Ask non-standard questions

• Listen … let them talk

• Elevator speech … don’t be a bore

• Don’t spend too much time with one person

The Father of the Nuclear Navy

You have to learn from the mistakes of others.

Adm. Hyman Rickover (1900-1986)

Navy Distinguished Service Medal, Legion of Merit,

Congressional Gold Medal, Presidential Medal of Freedom,

Enrico Fermi Award

You won’t live long

enough to make them all

yourself.

Father of Modern Day

Normalization of Deviance