The Friends Alliance of Pals Society

INT. SCHOOLROOM - NIGHT

Four total goons sit in a semi circle in the large,

otherwise empty, multipurpose room.

J’OHN (20), with Vulcan ears and hair, sits with perfect

posture staring straight ahead. TEESHA (18),a control freak,

also sits up straight surveying the scene. ANDY (18), a

numbskull, stares at his feet, drool threatening to fall

from his mouth at any moment. KARYN (18), straight off the

Little House on the Prarie, combs her hair and strikes a

pose every few seconds.

KARYN

Um. Are we going to start?

TEESHA

I think we’ll give it a few

minutes...Maybe a few more people

will come.

KARYN

Wasn’t this supposed to start at 7?

That’s like, 10 minutes ago.

ANDY

I got here at 6:30. My Mom dropped

me off at 6 though. But I went to

the wrong building first and then I

went to the bathroom.

TEESHA

Right. Maybe folks are lost.

J’OHN

I find it illogical that we should

hold operations for hypothetical

individuals. People, that, if they

exist at all- are displaying an

acute lack of temporal awareness.

TEESHA

Okaaaaayyyyyy, well I guess we’ll

just get started. BUT if there are

latecomers, we’ll just have to

reiterate ourselves.

Karyn nods her approval, Andy takes his shoes off. Teesha

postures as though she is addressing a much larger group.

TEESHA (CONT’D)

Welcome everyone, to the inaugural

session of FAPS: The Friends

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

TEESHA (CONT’D) (cont’d)

Alliance of Pals Society. I am the

club President Teesha Barbie,

although we will elect club

officers next week. But I’d like

you to consider me for President

when you vote... I have experience

starting and organizing clubs. FAPS

is for students new to the

University or just anyone in our

community looking for new social

connections! I am a great friend

because I’m loyal and considerate.

My favorite flavor of ice cream is

cherry mint but I could only find

that back home, North Carolina.

This is my second semester-

Business major - I’m still getting

used to life in California and am

excited for this opportunity to

make new friends.

Teesha looks about trying to catch a reaction. A look of

dissatisfaction briefly flashes on her face.

TEESHA (CONT’D)

Lets go around the room and learn

about each other.

Cheryl points at J’Ohn.

TEESHA (CONT’D)

How about you to start...a theatre

major?

Andy starts clapping. Everyone waits uncomfortably for him

to stop.

J’ohn raises am eyebrow quizzically.

J’OHN

I am J’Ohn--

KARYN

--John?

J’OHN

Jay. On.

TEESHA

How do you spell that? For our

roster.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3.

J’OHN

J. Apostrophe. O. H. N.

Teesha looks at her clipboard.

TEESHA

Looks like John.

J’OHN (CONT’D)

I am J’ohn, science officer,

Mechanical Engineering major. I am

Vulcan by inheritance of a katra

through in a dream. I am reaching

out to make... A friend.

KARYN

Aren’t Vulcans like, emotional

robots? Why would you need friends?

J’OHN

There is logic to making social

connections for the function of

society... For instance, moving

into my dorm was very difficult by

myself. Also I will be reaching the

time of Pon Farr next year and am

seeking a potential mate.

J’ohn looks at Teesha, she recoils.

TEESHA

Okay! Next up! You!

Teesha points to Karyn.

KARYN

Hi everybody! I’m Karyn, I’m an

English major but my dream is to

work with horses, I have 3 horses-

Andy makes a horse noise.

KARYN(CONT’D)

--their names are Elizabeth, Melvin

and Tony. Tony the Pony- I have 2

horses and one pony. I LOVE having

friends but sometime friends just

aren’t LOYAL -ya know? But I’m so

happy we all just met, I’ll pass my

phone around and if everyone can

just put your numbers and emails

into it and choose an avatar also.

Karyn passes the phone to Andy.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

KARYN (CONT’D)

I’m local and just transfered from

the junior college. People there

are real backstabbers and I bet

they’re just jealous cause--

TEESHA

--That’s great! And you?

Teesha points to Andy who is playing a game on Karyn’s

phone.

ANDY

I’m Andy. I like Angry Birds.

The group waits.

TEESHA

Your major? Your interests?

J’Ohn does the Vulcan neck pinch on Andy and Andy drops the

phone into J’Ohn’s hand. J’Ohn returns the phone to Karyn

and then sits down.

ANDY

I like cherry mint ice cream and

horses.

KARYN

No Way!?

TEESHA

You’re not talking about youself

Andy.

ANDY

I don’t have time for friends, my

Mom made me come. I’m a Physics

major and I want to go home now.

TEESHA

(dissapointed)

We have just 10 more items on the

agenda and then we can all go.

ANDY

I only love numbers. Kids at my old

school all said mean things. You

will probably throw gum in my hair

like they did.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 5.

J’OHN

Most illogical.

KARYN

I wouldn’t do that!

TEESHA

As current club President I can

attest that behavior like that is

against policy.

Andy pouts and looks at his feet.

TEESHA

Let’s move Along...I saw that some

other clubs have fundraisers, I was

thinking, what is a good cause we

can have a fundraiser for?

The group is surprised by the door OPENING. A tall, thin,

well-dressed man, STERLING (40), enters the room. He walks

circles around everyone, observing and being observed.

J’OHN

Most peculiar.

TEESHA

Hi! Pull up a seat, we’re happy to

have another pal join us. We just

went through introductions, we can

just run through them all again--

STERLING

--I am Sterling, the campus

organization auditor. I have read

your application, in which you seek

to be recognized as a official

campus group... Where’s everyone

else?

TEESHA

So far, this is all of us.

STERLING

You need AT MINIMUM 8 MEMBERS to be

chartered as an official campus

organization!

Andy looks to Teesha with concern.

TEESHA

I’m sure that if we give it some

time--

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

STERLING

--TIME?!

Sterling looks at the paperwork.

STERLING

The Friends Association of Pals

Society?! What kind of NIMROD would

join a club like that?

Silence falls over the room. Heads hang low, even that of

the proud Vulcan. But very slowly Andy stands up.

ANDY

I’m Andy and I’m the kind of nimrod

that would join F.A.P.S.!

Karyn rises. Teesha watches with hope.

KARYN

Yeah that goes for me too!

Sterling is taken aback. J’Ohn rises to stand.

J’OHN

The needs of the many, outweigh the

needs of the--

He pauses.

J’OHN

The needs of the few outweigh the

needs of

(pointing at Sterling)

YOUR JERK FACE!

Teesha stands proudly.

TEESHA

As you can see. We’re all pals and

friends here.

STERLING

Okay fine. Just submit application

again after there’s 8 of you. Till

then you can’t use campus

facilities for your meetings.

Sterling moves to exit.

KARYN

But then...how’ll we meet?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 7.

STERLING

Just go out for pizza like regular

friends do.

Sterling leaves.

EVERYONE

PIZZA?!

They jump and high five in the air.

FREEZE FRAME