The Foxhole

THE FOXHOLE

by Eric Ferguson Copyright © 1995 by Eric Ferguson. All rights reserved. 5732 Bossen Terrace #2 Minneapolis, MN 55417 voice/fax: (612)726-6364 <fergie@pioneerplanet.infi.net>

CHARACTERS: William Johnson: army private, heterosexual Peter Jones: army private, homosexual The Sergeant, also male Nancy Bossen: army private

(The scene is a foxhole. Johnson is in the foxhole when the lights come up. Sergeant and Jones enter, keeping their heads low.)

SERGEANT Jones, I'm putting you in here with Johnson. Keep an eye out for anyone coming down this road. If there's a bunch of them, fall back to where we just were.

JONES Yes Sergeant. (Sergeant exits.)

JOHNSON I'm William Johnson. (He offers his hand. They shake.) You just get transferred in?

JONES Yeah. I just got moved in from Alpha company. I'm Peter Jones.

JOHNSON Jones? Hey, are you that gay guy?

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JONES Oh good grief.

JOHNSON Well?

JONES Don't ask/don't tell, remember?

JOHNSON Come on man, everyone knows.

JONES Fine, everyone knows. Let's just watch our road. (He notices Johnson wipe off the hand he shook.) You didn't catch anything shaking hands with me.

JOHNSON How do I know? I never met a gay guy before.

JONES You've been sitting here in the dirt. My hand is the cleanest thing you've touched all day.

JOHNSON Well, just don't touch me again, all right?

JONES Fine.

JOHNSON (After an uncomfortable silence.) I mean, you guys shouldn't even be here.

JONES What's the problem?!

JOHNSON Everyone knows about you people!

JONES Knows what?!

JOHNSON You're thinking about sex all the time. You can't control yourselves.

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JONES What?

JOHNSON Put two of you guys in a foxhole together and you'll be buggering each other instead concentrating on your job.

JONES You've never even met an openly gay man before.

JOHNSON And I don't want to. It gives me the creeps to think of one of you staring at me in the shower.

JONES Have you ever thought that maybe you're just a bit insecure about your own...

JOHNSON Don't give me that "I'm insecure about my own masculinity" crap. I am very secure about my masculinity. It's yours I'm not so sure about.

JONES (Jones decides he's going to annoy Johnson by playing up the stereotype.) Well Johnson, you sure got me figured out. All right if I call you "Willie"?

JOHNSON What do you mean?

JONES I'm just wondering if I can call you "Willie".

JOHNSON No, the first part. What do you mean I got you figured out?

JONES I don't know how I can restrain myself, sitting here alone with you.

JOHNSON Keep your eyes on the road, okay?

JONES Oh Willie, you're so cute when you're paranoid.

JOHNSON Knock it off Jones.

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JONES I just want to wrap you up and take you home so I can show my gay friends my "willie".

JOHNSON Shut up Jones!

JONES Just let me be your bit of "Peter".

JOHNSON Sergeant!

JONES Don't worry about getting caught. We'll go in the back door.

JOHNSON Sergeant! Sergeant!

SERGEANT (Sergeant enters) Stop yelling Johnson. Now what is it?

JOHNSON Get this guy out of here!

SERGEANT What's going on?

JONES (Back to normal) Willie here is a complete homophobe.

JOHNSON I don't want to be alone with some fag.

SERGEANT What? Never mind, I'll figure it out later. Jones, fall back, I'll put you somewhere else.

JONES Fine with me. (Jones exits)

JOHNSON I'd rather share this hole with some woman than with you!

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SERGEANT Interesting you should say that.

JOHNSON Why?

SERGEANT Well, you know women are being allowed in more combat roles these days.

JOHNSON No...

SERGEANT Bossen, get up here!

BOSSEN (entering) Yes Sergeant.

SERGEANT Help Johnson keep an eye on the road. If anything happens, holler.

BOSSEN Yes, Sergeant. (Sergeant exits.) I'm Nancy Bossen, I just transferred in.

JOHNSON William Johnson. (They are silent a moment. Johnson looks over at her.) You know, that helmet does something for you.

BOSSEN Yeah, right. Just keep your eyes on the road, okay?

JOHNSON I'll have to try hard to restrain myself, sitting here alone with you.

BOSSEN What?

JOHNSON I must be tough for you too. You must want to wrap me up and take me to your friends so you can show them your "willie".

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BOSSEN Keep quiet Johnson. (Lights fade as we hear Johnson borrowing Jones' pickup lines and Bossen telling him to shut up. Blackout.)

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