The Family as a System

Marital relationships

Parenting relationships

Sibling relationships

Interactive relationships

Family: Building Block of Civilization

Family is a vertical connector

Grandparents, grandchildren

Family is a horizontal connector

Siblings

Extended family

Aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews

Extended family leads to tribes, clans

These lead to nations and ethnic groups

Functions of the Family

Producing children

Protected environment for the rearing of children

Training/socialization of children

Material provision for children

Benefits of the Functional Family

Identity – knowing your place in the world

Stability – emotional , financial

Security – someone always there for you

Sense of belonging

Learning social skills, relationships

What compromises family functions?

Failure to form a family

Poor marital relationships

Irresponsible parenting

Lack of understanding of what spouses/children need

Failure to commit, give sufficient priority to family

Threats to stability

Failure to form a family

Divorce

Changing the family structure

Family Negatives

From the standpoint of utilitarian morality, those things that alter or compromised the “standard” family pattern are negatives for the individuals involved.

The standard family pattern is a married couple with their biological (or adopted) children.

Historical Sociocultural Changes that have affected the family.

Movement to urban areas – mobility affects extended families

Industrial revolution

Economic depression/war demoralizes & destabilizes families.

U.S. Great Depression, WW I and WW II

Decrease in family size changes parenting & role structure

Divorce – creates hodgepodge of family structures

Media & technology – distractions to family life

Dual-earner family, mothers going to work

Socio-cultural Value Changes Affecting the Family

Belief that marriage is for personal fulfillment rather than a social contract (or religious covenant)

Belief that a stable environment is not required to provide the security needed for adult psychological function. (Later added children to this.)

Socio-cultural Value Changes

Belief that parenting is gender neutral.

Change in sexual morals and mores.

Belief in the importance of pursuing personal fulfillment.

Myths, Attitudes, & Values Regarding Marriage

Loss of Relationship Uniqueness Survey Results

Is chastity important in selecting a marriage partner?

Not important in the U.S., Sweden, Finland, Norway, Netherlands, Germany

Somewhat important in Japan & Ireland

Most important in China, India, Indonesia, Iran, Taiwan, Palestine

Myths, Attitudes, & Values Regarding Marriage

What is important in selection of a marital partner in the U.S.?

Housekeeping is not.

Emotional sensitivity is somewhat

Finding our soul-mates

Is being in love the only reason to marry?

Yes, in the United States

What is being in love? Is it infatuation?

How are mates chosen in other cultures?

How is love regarded in other cultures? Dependency on the other

Companionship and practical matters

Autonomy, appreciation of the other, intense emotion (our culture)

Timing of Leaving Home and Marriage

Nearly half of young adults return home after leaving

Many ethnic single adults tend to live at home

In the U.S. in 2000, average age of marriage was 25 for women and 27 for men.

90% of North Americans marry at least once, and 59-60% are living as married couples.

Cohabiting Adults

In 2000, 60% of couples were cohabiting

1/3 of these relationships last less than a year

Less than 10% of them last 5 years

They are more egalitarian than marital relationships (Other than sex, you may be living as roommates.)

Cohabiting Adults

Disadvantages of cohabitation

Social disapproval

Emotional strain

Legalities of joint property

Potential problems of child custody

Older cohabiters may be more depressed

The experience of cohabitation changes attitudes and the nature of the relationship.

Not a good “trial” marriage

Cohabitation before Marriage

Most studies show that it leads to:

Lower marital satisfaction

Lower happiness

Lower levels of commitment

Higher divorce rate

Some show no difference from non-cohabitors

Sternberg‘s Theory of Love

Triangular – passion, intimacy, commitment

Consummate love – all the elements

Companionate love – low passion

Passionate love

Commitment may be the element that insures that the relationship survives

The Mythical Image of Marital Bliss Unrealistic Expectations

Satisfaction increases through the first year of marriage.

The best single predictor of marital satisfaction is the quality of the couple’s sex life.

If my spouse loves me, he or she should instinctively know what will make me happy.

No matter how I behave, my spouse should love me simply because he or she is my spouse.

Marital Expectations

Unrealistic expectations are probably a factor in divorce.

Young people with a religious view of marriage as sacred are less likely to have unrealistic expectations and are better able to cope.

Couples spend little time reflecting on the decision to marry.

Dual-Earner Marriage

Role overload - conflict between work and family responsibilities

Role conflict – being torn by the desire to excel at work and spend time with the family

These are greater for women

Dual-Earner Marriage

Usually the housework that is sacrificed

Career moves can be problematic

Can provide a better standard of living (not the same thing as quality of life)

Marital inequity is likely a factor in divorce. Second Shift

Unequal division of responsibility

Working Parents

Over 50% of moms are employed

Small children in daycare may suffer in cognitive development, attachment, & social skills.

Being a latchkey child is associated with delinquency, school problems & drug & alcohol use.

Does this just take the time formerly devoted to housework & more kids?

Would parents overinvest in their kids?

Many moms who can afford it are going home.

Ivy league schools have found that only 38% of their female graduates of childbearing age are actually in the workforce.

And why do we get divorces?

Poor conflict-resolution skills

Poor communication patterns

Not attending religious services

Parental divorce

Multiple life stresses

Women‘s independence

No-fault divorce laws

Divorce is usually initiated by women (inequity)

Wrong expectations

And then what happens? Single Parenting

Custodial Parents

Overwhelmed

Suffer financial decline (women)

Go into poverty

Non-custodial Parents

Have too little time with children

Feel alienated

Who is Poor?

Women — feminization of poverty

1/3 of single mothers; 10% of single fathers

Families and poverty

Economic pressure linked with parenting

Benefits to parents help children

Sociocultural Influences

What happens to the kids?

Loss of a parent

Protection of remaining parent

Loss of identity

Poverty

Change of schools/neighborhoods/friends

Change of extended family relationships

Vulnerability to future parent relationships

Lack of having a successful marriage modeled/taught

What are the results?

Lack of security

Emotional vulnerability

Emotional baggage

Maintaining awkward relationships

Problems with holidays and special occasions

What happens to the adults? – Exiting Divorce

Having trouble trusting everyone

Hetherington's Categories

Enhancers 20% - better off

Good enough's – end up about the same

Seekers – 40% of men; 38% of women

Libertines – series of relationships

Competent loners – don’t remarry

Defeated – worse off

Remarriage

On average, people remarry within 4 years.

Practical matters figure into this decision

Financial help

Childrearing help

loneliness

The divorce rate is higher for second marriages. Only about 1/3 stay remarried.

Negative patterns transferred

View divorce as acceptable

Stepfamily situations

Staying Married

Most unhappy marriages dissolve between the 5th and 10th year

One study shows that if people with marital problems will stay together for five years they will have returned to marital happiness

72% of people at midlife say their marriages are very good or excellent

The majority of older married adults say that their marriages are happy

Four times as many widows as widowers

Marital Satisfaction Is Good for Your Health

More men than women report being happily married

Being married is associated with gains in mental and physical health for men

Relationship quality has a greater impact on mental health for women

Women are dissatisfied when the demands of family and career are overwhelming.

Marital Satisfaction Is Good for Your Health

One study of married women ages 42-50

Happily married women had lower BMI (weight), hypertension, cholesterol, depression

Overall, being happily married means being less stressed

Being unhappily married is associated with higher rates of illness and earlier death.

Never Married Single Parents

Largest group is African-American young women (70% of births)

Why?

Tap the extended family

One-third marry later

Still have problems of poverty, poor school achievement of children and antisocial behavior.

Childless Couples

DINKs - double-income, no kids

How many couples are voluntarily childless?

3-6% or 10-15%

Often has to do with career commitment

Unintended Childlessness

Career Women (Hewlett, 2002)

33% were childless at age 40

42% who worked in corporations were childless

49% of (6-figure) ultra-achievers were childless

25% of high achievers age 41-55 (&31% of ultra-achievers) would like to have a child

No high achiever had a child after age 39 and no ultra-achiever after age 36

What is Child Maltreatment?

Physical Abuse

Sexual Abuse

Neglect (physical, educational, emotional)

Emotional/psychological Abuse

Profile of Maltreatment

Most common offender is a young, poor, single mother who is overwhelmed and engages in neglect and psychological abuse

Factors are social isolation, unrealistic expectations of the child, substance abuse, depression, poverty, sickly or difficult child, other life stresses

Consequences of Maltreatment

Physiological – stress hormones, abnormal brain wave patterns

Emotional – rejection, anxiety, self-blame, psychological pain

Social – discipline problems at school, poor peer relations

Eventually serious learning and adjustment problems, depression, substance abuse, academic failure, delinquency

Preventing Child Maltreatment

Research indicates that a trusting relationship with another person is the most important factor is preventing mothers with childhood histories of abuse from repeating the cycle.

Parents Anonymous

Grandparenthood

Many people become grandparents in their 40s.

They like being a valued elder, child indulger, having a form of immortality, and being able to transmit family history and values.

Grandparents may offer childcare, and even greater support to a custodial parent of their grandchildren.

Grandparents of the non-custodial parent often have to negotiate for visitation rights.

Skipped-Generation Families

Surrogate parenting: grandparents take custody of their own grandchildren because the parent is not functioning due to such factors as drug abuse, mental illness, incarceration, adolescent pregnancy, divorce.

Includes about 5.6 million children

Skipped-Generation Families

Grandparents may be tired and emotionally drained, but joyful at being of help to the children.

Children tend to fare better in school that those from single-parent or blended homes.