Some Mothers do have ‘em!Can you remember some of the “characters” you cameacross during your service careers?I remember that at our very first platoon interview withour platoon commander, the conversationwith the chap in front of me went like this:Officer: And what did you do in civvy Street, Brown?”Brown: Nothing, SirOfficer: What do you mean, nothing? What did you dofor a living?Brown: I lived by my wits, Sir.Officer: Are you telling me that you were a confidencetrickster - a con man?Brown: Well, Sir, if you put it like that, I suppose I was!.

During my two years service, there was a strike of thepetrol delivery drivers and Army drivers were called onto replace them. One of our chap who took a deliverybowser out sold the lot before reaching his assigneddestination. Not only did he sell the petrol, but the tankeras well! He finished up in Colchester Military Prison,with the prospect of having to complete his two yearsNational Service after serving his prison sentence.

Then there was John S. He was a musician in civvy streetand wanted to join the corps band. He was informed thatNational Servicemen could not be taken in to the band. Sohe came back into our barrack room and said: “If I can’tdo what I want to, I’m not staying” — and with that,packed his case and went home!! He was back and behindbars in the guard room within a few days.

Another chap who went AWOL was a Londoner of Greekextraction. The Military Police failed to find him forseveral weeks, then in a national newspaper there ap-peared a picture of a Greek wedding and leading thewedding parade and playing a fiddle was our friend He,too, was soon back in the guardhouse.

Old SoldiersDo you remember some of the old Army “sayings”? Forexample. A sergeant standing behind you and inquiring “AmI hurting you?” A negative response would then be answeredwith “I should be - I’m standing on your hair - GET IT CUT”.

In National Service it was always a case of letting newrecruits know that you were an old soldier with a cry of “Getsome in!”

If a new recruit was to ask how long you had been in theArmy, there were some classic replies, like: “When I joinedthe Army, son, we were issued with spears because bowsand arrows were still on the secret list! !“ or “When I joinedthe Army, the Dead Sea had not even reported sick!”

The longer one had been in the services, the lower was yourmilitry number, and so it was in order to ask a new recruithis number. On learning that it was so much higher than yourown, you could look horrified and state: “That’s not anArmy number - it must be the population of China!”

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If you were not aware already, you willknow from Douggie McMeeken’s en-thusiastic report on the next page thatthere has been a magnificent responseto the Poppy Appeal in Market Harbor-ough and the villages within our area.All concerned are to be congratulated -

and thanked - on this wonderful achievement.

Although it seems impossible that twelve months havepassed us by, it is time once again to wish you a happyChristmas and a healthy, peaceful new year.

At Christmastime, of course, the spotlight is on thechildren and, therefore, it gives particular pleasure toinclude this poem. It is by the ten-year-old. Grand-daughter of Robert Brewer and was inspired by the localpaper account of the Poppy Awards.

I think we all agree with the sentiments of Robert, whowrote “Unbeknown to me she wrote the poem, which Ifound quite moving.”

They Must not be ForgottenBy Saoirse Brewer

People who risk their lives for othersDon’t get thanked enoughThey are relied on by their countryForced into it by us.

Left to die in the fields of red representing bloodWe wear poppies to show we careAnd appreciate what they have done.

We have the silence still each yearEach year we say thank youWe share our gratitude in a prayerFor the times they have been through.

They must not be forgotten.Page 9

The Editor Writes Two Years in the Army More tales of National Service Days with

Bob England

Peter Roffey, President of the Leicestershire and Rut-land RBL, wrote regarding Bob England’s reminiscenc-es which appeared in the October edition.

As always, the latest edition of In Touch makes interest-ing and informative reading. Please tell Bob England heis wrong to say his National Service was not worthwhileor worthy of recognition via a National Service medal.

I recall once being told by a very senior officer that oneof the most important contributions to military successwas to ensure that soldiers and their dependents werepaid correctly and on time. Pay Clerks may have beenthe butt of humour for some, but I never heard a soldiercomplain when the Pay Clerk miraculously produced“Credits” and an advance of pay just before they wenton leave!

Pay Clerks were and remain a very important cog in themilitary machine and Bob should not decry the contribu-tion that he made in oiling that machine.

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Issue 63 December 2003

EditorGeorge Seward : 01858 433873

18 Charles Street, Market Harborough, LE16 9ABe-mail : g.seward@btinternet.com

on-linewww.in-touch.ukvet.net

Branch Contact NumbersWelfare

Barry Peck : 01858 440513Vida Edwards : 0116 279 3729

Hon. SecretaryBetty Ramsay: 01858 434923

TheRoyal BritishLegionReg. Charity 219279

MarketHarboroughBranchFounded in 1923

Branch Websitewww.mktharbrorbl.ukvet.net

80Years of Caring

In Touch

Welfare AppointmentVida Edwards has kindly agreed to un-dertake the role of Welfare Secretary.Vida will receive all paperwork on wel-fare matters become the liaison pointbetween County and Branch. Welfare

support and case-working will continue as before butplease note new contacts on the cover of this issue

Youth AffiliationThe Youth Officer, Brian Marshall, is delighted to an-nounce the affiliation of the Branch and 1084 Squadronof the Air Training Corps. Ours is the first branch in thecounty to have made such a link. Brian will be writing inJanuary’s In Touch giving details of this important devel-opment in our relationship with our ATC friends.

20 Jan Branch Lunch, Angel Hotel, Noon for 12.30pm.21 Feb Mountbatten Concert with MH Royal Naval Assn.13 Mar RBL Central Band Concert, Fairfield Halls, Croydon26 Mar Branch Anniversary Dinner

Some dates to keep free.Details of all Social Events are available

from Joan McMillin on MH 462143

The Diary

The date of thenext meeting isJanuary 14th

Branch meetings are held onthe Second Wednesday of

each monthat 7.30 pm in the

downstairs Function Room, Conservative Club Building,

Fairfield Road,Market Harborough.

The Branch Committee meetson the Thursday preceding

the Branch Meeting at7.30 pm in the upstairsCommittee Room at the

Conservative Club.

Mark Hudson, the Branch Chair-man, thanks everyone for their hardwork during the year, particularly inregard to the Poppy Appeal. Helooks ahead to 2004 with this mes-sage. “I know we can look forward

to another very happy and successful year with yourcontinued support and enthusiasm.”

A presentation has been made to Dick and Renie Ful-ford for once again undertaking the financial side of thePoppy Appeal. This sterling work was even more ardu-ous this year with such a large collection. Appreciationwas also expressed for the work of the Fulford’s musicaldaughter, Marion Vine preparing the accounts.

A very popular award for services to the Poppy Appealwas made to Gary Farnsworth who was heartily wel-comed at the December meeting, following his long spellin hospital. He gave thanks to those members who hadvisited him and sent messages of encouragement.

Thanks are due to Bill Farnsworth for his elderflowerwine and to all who helped to make the December meet-ing “hot punch and mince pies” event such a success.

Your ideas for social activities are always welcome.Please contact the Editor with your suggestions for

events, outings, etc.

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B Watch, RAF Upavon Communications Centre(Commcen) had drawn the short straw - we were to

cover the 12-hour nightshift on Christmas Eve from 8pm. Allmarried personnel with small children were offered first choice oftime off and I was one of the six “singles” left to work! The IRA had been busy that year. Service families had beentargeted in the M62 bombing, five service personnel had been killedin the Guildford pub bomb in October and 21 people were killed inthe Birmingham pub bombing in November. We were on a highsecurity alert and were very aware that the “enemy” could be anywhere, disguised as anything. Very few personnel were on camp and the six of us walked into the Commcen buildingtogether, booking into the Police Post at the main door as usual. An armed guard checkedour ID cards and we then walked through the security doors closing them tight behind us.We then “keyed in” the security code to allow us into the Commcen corridor. At last we

could relax in a safe environment and stood at the hatch window until the duty sergeantchecked us all and then pressed the buzzer to allow us entry into the main room.

We said ‘Goodnight and Happy Christmas’ to theretiring shift and prepared for a busy night. As usual, the RAFPolice would have locked the doors behind the outgoing shift andsettled into their office for the night, after making one last securitycheck of the building. Midnight was always a busy time, changingrecords and making sure everything was ready for the new day. Atabout 1am on Christmas Day it was at last time to make a cup of teaand slow down a little. The police guard had made their hourly calland all was well.

Suddenly there was a noise outside the window hatch – everyone froze. The Sergeanttold everyone to keep calm – he picked up the telephone to call the Police Office but therewas no reply. Muffled sounds continued to be heard from the hatch – suddenly the glassscreen flew back and we screamed. The Sergeant swore and then we all started laughing -there was Father Christmas dressed in his red suit with long white beard calling “Ho, ho, ho– Merry Christmas everyone!” The police guardsman on duty had been an excellent Santaat the children’s party that day and thought he would bring us a little Christmas joy!

Christmas 1974Somewhere in

WiltshireMARION VINE

(WRAF Cpl Telegraphist 1971 – 1979)

We'd had a busy time on-board HMS Southamp-

ton that year. We hadoriginally sailed for what wasmeant to be a three month ex-ercise deployment in the Medreturning to Portsmouth on the16th of December. We hadfound out a month before that,following the September 11th occurrence, wewere to be extended for another three months tobe carrier escort for HMS Illustrious, whichwould mean spending Christmas away. Fortunately, I wasn't one of the unluckyones stitched to be on duty on Christmas day.Like many others on the ship, it was my firstChristmas away from home, so we decided toventure to the beaches for a bit of ‘Christmassun’. Not many people can say that their Christ-mas day consisted of jet skiing and camel rideson the white sandy beaches, followed by abarbecue and many cocktails.

When we returned to the shipin the early hours of BoxingDay, we were quite surprised tosee a camel tied up outside thedock gates and no one else insight. We didn't think thatmuch else about it, and it wasonly when we did eventuallyget back onboard we knew

why. One of the lads on the ship, who had dranka few too many cocktails, had bought the camelas a Christmas present for his mum, andthought the captain would let him keep it in thehangar until we returned to Portsmouth. He stillhasn't lived it down!

Rachel is the eldest daughter of John &Jacqui Pacey (who both play in HarboroughBand along with their other two daughters,percussionists Samantha & Jenna). She joinedthe Navy in 2000 and was delighted to get acard and gift from Market Harborough RBL onher return from the Gulf. She is currently serv-ing on HMS Southampton

Christmas Day 2001Mombassa

RACHEL PACEY(Operator Mechanic1HMS Southampton)

Sven-Goran Eriksson introduces DavidBeckham at a conference. “Now, my cap-tain will tell you his views on this importanttopic,” he says.“I think they are small and minty, and theykeep my breath fresh for hours,” he says.“And best of all, Victoria tells me they areonly two calories each.”“No, no, David,” murmurs Sven, “you aresupposed to talk about tactics.”

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect forantique lover.

The Judge addressed the prisoner in thedock sternly:“ Seamus O’Reilly, you are charged with thecrime of theft. How do you plead? Are youguilty or not guilty?” O’Reilly: “I don’t know Sir M’Lord, Ihaven’t heard the evidence yet”

Christmas Crackers Christmas CrackersTwo lemmings were about to jump off thecliff. Said one, "The last time I did this Ivery nearly killed myself!"

Mrs Jacobs said to Mrs Goldstein, "Haveyou heard, Mamie Cohen is having anaffair?" "Really", said Mrs G., "who's do-ing the catering?"

Her mouth was soft and willing,Her eyes were like the sea,I offered her a shillingIf she would lie with me.At that she blushed so sweetlyAnd cast her fine eyes down,Then, whispering discreetly,Suggested half-a-crown.

What do you call an English cricketer withone hundred runs to his name? A bowler.

A man with two left feet went into a shoeshop and asked for a pair of flip flips.

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John Liddell ReportsFor further information on any item, please contact

John on MH 465003.

Once in a Lifetime Anniversary TripsExtensive War Graves Pilgrimages and BattlefieldTours will be organised by RBL Remembrance Travelbetween March and September 2004. Widows can beassisted by up to 87.5% of the cost from the War Wid-ows’ Grant-In Aid Scheme.

Gulf Veterans’ IllnessesThe Director of Welfare at the RBL has repeated a callfor a public enquiry into Gulf Veterans’ illnesses. Over5000 veterans who served in the 1990/91 conflict are illor have died.

M6 Road Toll HelpCertain disabled people will be able to use the newsection of motorway without paying tolls if they have aMobility Exemption Pass, which costs £5 and is validfor three years. Further details of the pass (DLA404) areavailable on a helpline 0870 850 6252.

Review of Welfare ProvisionResults from a questionnaire seeking the views of RBLmembers highlight the following areas for further in-vestment, investigation and enhancement.Occupational therapy, debt counselling, welfare rightsadvice, mental health support, addressing loneliness,private medical care and homelessness.

Treats for the TroopsA special report from HQ points out that RBL is unableto comment on this matter because it ‘does not commentor interfere in operational matters’.

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WelfareNews Update

The Poppy Appeal2003/04

Appeal OrganiserDouggie McMeeken Reports

To achieve a target is very satisfying, but to exceed it bya wide margin is doubly so.

The Market Harborough Branch of the Royal BritishLegion is delighted to announce that the Poppy Appealfor 2003 has reached a total to date of over £17,000. Thetarget was to beat last year’s figure of £14,288 and thishas been done by an astonishing 20%. There will stillbe monies to be tallied as, of course, the Appeal is activeall year.

I would like to offer my sincere gratitude to everyonewho contributed, in whatever way, towards this wonder-ful result. I want to emphasis that my appreciationextends beyond the boundaries of Market Harboroughtown to the villages which come into the Branch area.In places such as Lubenham, Great Easton, Foxton andMedbourne - to name but a few - sterling work has beendone, as always, by our dedicated band of collectors.

There are so many people to thank - distributors, collec-tors and administrators, as well as the likes of Gary andall at Kibworth Rugby Football Club who provided theessential storage facilities for the large stock of poppiesand boxes.

Finally, I must mention with gratitude the generosity ofcontributors in the streets, on the doorsteps, at places ofwork or school, and in churches, shops pubs, clubs andwherever tins were to be found.

Our success is all very well - but what about next year!I am sure that, once again every effort will be made,particularly since we shall be marking the 60th Anniver-sary of D Day and paying tribute to that rapidly dwin-dling bad of heroes who took part, as well as theirbrothers-in-arms who went before and followed them.

A Wartime Christmas

An unusual festive ‘role’recalled by Dick Fulford

Christmas 1940 – Aboard HMYacht “Sister Ann” moored at the entrance to the RiverFowey, Cornwall. My first draft and introduction to theRoyal Navy, after 3 months of initial training. “SisterAnn” was the floating office and Wardroom of theParent Ship for Coastal Forces Flotillas. CommanderWhite RN Retired (very much retired) was the Captain;a very kindly old man whose one and only hobby ap-peared to be alcohol.

I was asked if I could use a typewriter. It was unwise tosay “No” to any task in the Navy, so I was allotted myfirst sea-going job, to produce Christmas cards for theCaptain. Someone had sent him a greeting card, andbeing 1940, when times were hard, it was of a basicstandard and old Daddy White was eager to get it copiedfor his family and friends. So, armed with sundry sheetsof Pusser’s toilet paper, I began one of my first navalduties – typing for the Captain on each sheet the follow-ing Christmas Greeting:

“Economy must be our watch-word this year.Hard times we’ve undoubtedly got ‘em.

So please accept this just to wish you “good luck”Which I do from the heart of my bottom”.

It is fortunate for me that no grandchild has yet asked“What did you do in the war Grandad?”

A man who threw Harpic over his local vicar wasarrested and charged with a bleach of the priest.

A man had an unusual affliction. When he sneezed hehad an uncontrollable urge to kiss a woman. Whenasked what he was taking for it, he said “Snuff”

She: Will you come upstairs and make love to me?He: At my age I can’t do both..