Journal of Community Psychology Volume 19. July 1991

The Dysfunctional Family: Cause and Effect John Riddle

Trinity Area High School Washington, Pennsylvania

The purpose of this article is, it is hoped, to enlighten the general populace to the plight of our psychologically defenseless children.

There are children growing up in situations where the interactions between family members are far from healthy. The dynamics of a dysfunctional family can range from the very bizarre to the sublimely subtle. Children who are developing both physically and psychologically in these families become stunted. These children are our delinquents, alcoholics, addicts, and psychological misfits. The sad part of this syndrome is that the children have very little say as to what goes into the formation of their own personalities. They have to play with the hand that is dealt.

Too often society waits until children have many years of physical or psychological abuse before trying to intervene. Once these children begin to manifest their dysfunc- tional behaviors, it is often too late or extremely difficult to turn them around. Childhood impressions are imprinted on one’s brain over many years and can be hard to erase. Society has focused on a crisis approach in dealing with dysfunctional children: We see dysfunctional behaviors reach a point of crisis before we try to remediate the problems, and then the focus is on the child dealing with counseling, therapy, or medication. Granted, the families are included in the therapies, but the focus is on the child. We need to begin to look at what and who is causing this child to behave in a dysfunctional way.

The key players in a dysfunctional family are, of course, the parents or parent. Dysfunctional parents come in all sizes and shapes, with the most obvious being the alcoholic, the abuser, and the mentally disturbed. There is, however, a more subtle level of dysfunction in families. Such a family could be one in which the parents are securely married with a reasonable number of children and adequate income. Mom may or may not work, and dad comes home from work every night and spends time at home. On the surface this family may appear to be very normal. If, however, parents never hug their children or tell them they love them or show in some way they respect them, then bonding between parent and child can become problematic. The other side of the coin, the overprotective parent, can do just as much damage. Overprotected children are sent subtle messages such as, “I’ll do it for you because I don’t trust you to do it right” or “You might hurt yourself’ o r “You are not capable of doing it.” Overprotective parents not only stifle the decision-making process with this kind of behavior, they are con- stantly making their children feel less than whole. Parents who always make decisions for their children - from deciding when they get up in the morning or when it is time for their bath - are creating individuals who rely on others to make their decisions - creating followers instead of leaders.

A considerable amount of money is being spent on the drug problem, but most of the money is going into law enforcement, incarceration, and rehabilitation programs. These are important areas that need funding; however, there seems to be little emphasis on prevention. If we could raise a generation of children who were psychologically

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healthy, who respected themselves, and had high self-esteem, they would have no desire to engage in self-destructive behavior. It is simple economics-supply and demand-if we do not demand or desire drugs and alcohol, then the profit motive erodes and sup- pliers will disappear. Even if we took drugs and alcohol off the streets, we would still have that segment of our population that is dysfunctional. We would be treating the symptom and not the real issue of generations growing up with low self-esteem, who are self-destructive in nature.

These children are simply the products of their environment. If we are to change the way they view themselves and life, we must provide them with a healthy environ- ment in which to grow and learn. Many hours and dollars are spent dealing with child abuse, primarily physical and sexual. We ignore conditions that exist in homes that are producing psychologically handicapped children. The key to healthy children is healthy adults in their lives. Working with families - and, most important, parents - should be the focus of our mental health agencies and schools.

Columnist Joan Beck of the Chicago Tribune wrote,

It used to be thought that children needed heroes and role models, guides they could follow into adulthood, examples on which they could pattern their own behavior. It’s hard to find many adults now, except for some parents and a few athletes, who feel any responsibility to make a safe and rewarding trail to help kids avoid the missteps. Young people are now expected to find their own heroes and models; never mind that a plague of promoters takes advantage of the void to fill it with synthe- sized and profitable rock stars. The truth is that . . . we are redefining children and childhood to fit adult needs and conveniences and to take a minimum of adult time and attention. Maybe our young are much more resilient than we used to assume. Heaven help us all if we are wrong. (1989, p. 1)

This quote underscores my emphasis on the adult role in a child’s psychological development. We must make the parents and guardians of our youth more responsible for the proper care and nurturance of their children. It seems odd to me that a homeowner whose porch is in disrepair can be held liable if a visitor sustains an injury while walk- ing on that porch or that if your car does not function properly and injures someone you may be liable. Why is a porch or a car more important than a young child’s mind? For some reason we think these young children are superresilient, that they can with- stand the abuse, neglect, and emotional torture that we thrust upon them and still come out normal. It’s time parents and guardians are held accountable for the behaviors of children. Parents who do not show a reasonable amount of love, respect, and discipline toward their children should be identified and be made to assume some of the conse- quences of their children’s behaviors. If a manufacturer produces a shoddy product that injures someone, he or she is held legally liable. If a parent produces a dysfunctional child who eventually injures someone, nothing is done. Are cars, porches, and consumer goods more important than our children? I think not. It is time for accountability!

The war on drugs, which is really a war on the dysfunctional members of our society, does not need to be fought in the streets of our inner cities, or coca fields of Colombia, but in the kitchens and living rooms of America.

Reference

Beck, J . (1989, March). Column. Chicago Tribune, p. 23.