The Covered Tray 2009

8/14/2019 The Covered Tray 2009

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The Covered Tray 2009

©Dr. Shlomo Lee Abrahmov 2009

She had worked the late shift yesterday. Coming home late she was exhausted. She

heated some food in the microwave and ate it without paying any attention to what she

was eating. She lay down on the sofa half-dozing but too tired to go to bed. After a while

a midnight movie came on. It was titled Body of Lies, and Leonardo DiCaprio was its

main protagonist. It was the kind of film she’d never go and see in a theatre, but now it

was a welcomed distraction from whatever was burdening her mind. Listlessly she

watched Leonardo DiCaprio fight international terrorism in certain Middle East locations.

Even though she was dozing on and off during the movie, she did not miss its brutal

climax with an Osama-like Islamic freedom fighter crushing DiCaprio’s splayed fingers

with a hammer.

It was almost three when she fell asleep. Towards the morning she had a peculiar

dream. She was aboard a helicopter with a group of people that she did not know. They

were flying to a location she did not recognize. They landed next to a clearing were

there was a group of old magnificent oak trees. She looked at them and felt that theywere inspiring, an affirmation of life. She told the group that she could lead them to a

special place. They started marching in a fast running shallow stream. It was a very

clear day with a strong sun, which made all the details seem sharp and distinct, though

a strong breeze was making it cool as well. As they advanced, the valley opened into a

vast canyon and as only in a dream she could make out, far away, a bend in the canyon

and the stream running deeper. She had the familiar feeling of being a part of the

landscape and at the same time of being overwhelmed by its vastness and grandeur.

Despite the distance, she could see the crystal clear cerulean blue water running

smoothly. It made her happy, as she knew that in her dreams, bodies of water stood for

her subconsciouss. She wanted to stay longer in this engaging dream, yet just as they

were progressing further in the canyon, her cellular phone alarm went on, and she had

to wake up. She remembered that she had always wanted to visit Jordan with its exotic

scenery, some of which was briefly portrayed in the movie she had watched last night.



As she had to go to work around noon, she thought that she would visit Judy and her

family. Judy was her only friend from work. Even though they were not that close, Judy

had asked her a few times to drop by her house and meet her family. She went into the

kitchen, made herself a cup of strong English tea and got herself busy preparing her

special nut and raisin bread. She thought that Judy would like it and she felt good about

preparing something for other people and sharing it with them. The loaves came out of

the oven as she wished them to be, brown and wholesome. She spent very little time

getting ready. No makeup today or fuss in front of the wardrobe cabinet. As she was

going straight to work after visiting her friend, she thought that she could dispense with

formalities and wear her light blue nurses’ pants.

Revealing her neck, she tied her dark hair into a short bun and put on her green light

cotton jacket. It was bought second-hand, and it was one of her favorites. It matched

her character--simple, straightforward, honest. As usual, she wore her comfortable white

running shoes. She placed the loaves on a tray and covered them with a washed out,

striped red and white towel. Her friend was living nearby, so she could just walk there.

Outside, recent showers had subsided, but water was still running along the sidewalk on

which she was walking. A wintery sun might just come out, she thought as she passed a

well groomed pyracantha bush with its red berries and dark green leaves glistening after

the rain. A certain feeling engulfed her; it was present yet it was fleeting at the same

time. She thought, Why I do I have the same feeling, a déjà vu of sorts when I pass by

these passages, these hedges? Just then another thought occurred to her, maybe I just

turn right and instead of going to Judy’s, I will knock on an unknown door. Maybe I’ll

meet the stranger I was dreaming of. Maybe my life will take a totally new turn. She

recalled a French movie she she had seen a long time ago, in which the hero had met a

woman in his dreams and how this woman had become almost real for him.

She thought to herself, maybe this is the right moment when a picture could be taken to

show my situation. To show my uncertainty--but this is not my personal uncertainty only,

it’s life’s uncertainty. I feel as if only I can sense it in this very moment. My eyes perceive

the glistening scenery after the rain and the dark green bushes and trees. But do I know

what they really mean? I suppose in the photograph they will stand for culture, but do



they stand for more--do they feel somewhat boxed-in in the way that they are trimmed

and hedged. Is this their inner conflict which happens to mirror mine? I could ask my

artist friend if he could take my picture just the way I am now, passing by the shrubs

with the covered tray. This photograph could show what I feel even though photographs

are supposed to be factual, showing only the bare details with clarity that can be at

times cruel. It is in a way similar to the situation when people tell me, “why should you

have so many doubts? You are young, you are quite pretty, you’ve got your education--

everything should be OK with you.” But it is not so, because I do have my doubts and

uncertainties just like this very moment when I can turn right and not go to Judy’s

house, but continue somewhere, anywhere. I suddenly realized why I like Paul Bowles’s

stories so much. Don’t I feel like going into the nowhere to someplace unknown,

unbeknown like some of his characters dissolving into the desert?

This photograph could look like a still from a movie because it is clear that I am going

from one place to another, probably towards the house that will show behind the dark

green hedges. But wait a second, she thought. An observer might have a totally

different perception of the situation if he were looking at me now, with the hospital pants

and the covered tray. He might think that I am carrying something very different from the

bread I have made--dissected body parts for example? I guess it has to do with

inwardness and outwardness. I always thought how we cannot know what goes inside.

Just as happens with me right now, nobody can guess my inner thoughts and my

reflections, as there is no particular reason that I should feel them right now. It just

occurred to me that it goes even further. It has to do with being in one place and wishing

to be in another; or growing up in one culture and wanting to function in a different one.

I sense that this is not a simple undertaking, as you may leave a place physically, but

emotionally it is another matter. I am thinking about the photograph of this scene that we

will create. The covered tray that I am carrying could symbolize the idea of outwardness

and inwardness, because as I speculated earlier, an observer can perceive its outer

shape clearly, but he cannot ascertain what is underneath, below the surface.

I think I will remember this day for a long time, passing with a covered tray after the rain

next to the deep greenery. The ordinary and the mundane for a few seconds turned into

profound deliberations, into startling reflections, as I realized that we do have a choice



to take the unpredictable path, to step outside the boundaries that in many cases were

laid down by us without even realizing it. Maybe tonight I will dream about what could

have happened. The stranger that I will meet, the locations that we will visit, the

connectedness that I will have, much in contrast to the unconnectedness that I am

feeling right now. Is this what the DiCaprio character felt at the end of the movie when

he decided to sever his ties with the CIA and remain in Jordan, untethered and

unhinged but very much alive? I think I must ask my friend to create this photograph for

me. It would not need a long complex title; I think I can just call it A Woman with a

Covered Tray .

Documents

The Covered Tray 2009