Hampton Roads Crossfire

2 About “The Bench”

3-5 Advertisements

6 Schedule.Scores.Standings

7-11 Team Write-Ups

12 Skeeball Tournament

13 Picture Captions

14 The Hookup

15 Double Pitcher Contest

16 Sponsor Bar & Charity

17-18 Pictures

Tom Zuppke

Please direct any comments or

questions to your league representative.

The BenchWinter 2013: Issue 5

Coming Soon To “The Bench” Near You

Then email them to me at backyardsportsclub@gmail.com

backyardsportsclub@gmail.com

Double

Pitcher

Contests

Every team will be offered a space every edition of theNewsletter to submit something funny... write abouttheir game... whatever...and since we’re doing anewsletter every Wednesday of every week, you haveplenty of time to come up with something! If yourteam doesn’t submit anything, and isn’t in thenewsletter, talk to your captain!

Ideas for Team SubmissionsWhen I say, submit something for your team, here are some ideas:• Play by plays of the game• Document the debauchery at the bar - i.e. describing someone’s

amazing acting skills hobbling across the bar with a “sprained ankle” just to Ice a teammate. ]

• Draw pictures!!!!!• Favorite quotes, poems, song lyrics, movie scripts, YouTube

video, or motivational speeches!• Email chains from the morning after .• Funny pictures of you, your team, or something random on the

internet• Give your team member awards - drunkest, loudest, person

with the least shame, best off the face catch, etc.!• Anything. Really. Someone on your team is creative.

Submissions are due EVERY Wednesday by 7 p.m.

Backyard Sports Club’s email is backyardsportsclub@gmail.com. I look forward to

working with all of you!

** If you need extra time, email me and just let me know.

DISCLAIMER: if you have problems with keeping your language in check,not bashing refs, being overly nasty to other teams, and other no-no’s,the Editor does have the right to not include your write up in thenewsletter if the content is deemed inappropriate or out of line. We willtry to screen write ups as they are received, will try to let teams know sothat they have time to resubmit, but there is no guarantee. The easiestthing to do is to keep it clean, be nice, and remember this is all in goodfun.

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Please send any requests for “Announcements” to backyardsportsclub@gmail.com

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BYSC Tournament ScheduleFor ALL Leagues

Dodgeball March 22Powder Puff March 24Wiffleball March 10Volleyball March 20

Hair Graphics

Owner and MasterStylist, Joy Godfrey hasbeen creating avant-garde looks for over 10years. Educated by someof the leadingcompanies in the salonindustry; Vidall Sasson,Bumble &Bumble, Wella and PaulMitchel, to name afew. She has a acquireda multitude of skills togive clients the exactlook they want. Herwork is inspired by thelove of art and designspecializing in texturecuts and creative colortechniques. Joy believesthat your hair is a veryimportant part of yourlife, as well as your self-image and personalityand looks forward toworking with you.

WANNA ADVERTISE?If you have a business or an event that you want to

get out to the league, email me with details.

Charity Skeeball TournamentSaturday, March 23rd

Let's all ban together and help raise money for one of our players! OnFeb. 10th, Sam Flowers from Touchdown My Pants, tore her MCL,ACL and partial LCL. She is a struggling college student, whounfortunately, has no insurance. We've all been there! Since she is awaitress at Outback, she has been unable to work.

Please join me and Backyard Sports Club in a Skeeball Tournament.ALL money raised will go towards Sam's medical bills. Let's help asista out!

This event requires pre-registration.backyardsportsclub.com/tournaments/13750-we-skee-for-sams-knee

Teams consist of two players/$20 per person

BYSC Spring LeaguesREGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN

• Recess Kickball – Weds.• Skeeball – Weds.• Blue Diamond Wiffle Ball – Thurs.• VB Surf Wiffle Ball (Sand) – Suns.

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Please send any requests for “Announcements” to backyardsportsclub@gmail.com

Tropical Smoothie211 25th Street

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Eat Better. Feel Better. If you’re looking for a healthy bite to eator looking to cater your next party, go to Tropical Smoothie at theOceanfront! Our very own, Nikki Rivera from Long N’ Hard Ballsowns this joint, so lets show her some love! Tropical Smoothieoffers high quality, great tasting food and smoothies that willleave you refreshed, not sluggish!

Backyard Sports Club SpecialAny person wearing their Backyard Sports Club shirt will receive 10% off your order. So I suggest you keep an extra BYSC shirt in

the back of your car!

This offer only valid at Tropical Smoothie at the Oceanfront!

Pembroke Chiropractic

Holly Hickson and MarcieMasterman from HoleyBalls in Your Mouth work atPembroke Chiropractic forDr. Mark Soccio. Allow yourbody to “Fall Into GoodHealth” this season withoutthe use of harmful drugs orsurgery. Our holisticapproach goes beyond themedical approach. Our firstgoal is to help you get outof pain as quickly aspossible by assisting yourbody’s inborn ability toheal. Discover Chiropractic!

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Funding Factory Recycling Rumble

It’s Grassfield High vs. Clay County Schools, WV in the2013 Funding Factory Recycling Rumble, and you’ve gotwhat it takes for us to “out-recycle” the competition!

If you have any empty laser and inkjet cartridges, used cellphones, iPods, MP3 playrs, GPS devices, digital cameras,or any of the sort, drop them off at Grassfield High SchoolMain Entrance or with Stella Solorazano from DodgieStyle. NOW THROUGH APRIL 15th. With each item youcontribute, Grassfield High School will be closer to earninga 25% fundraising bonus and winning an Apple iPad!

Let’s help out one of our local schools to achieving one oftheir many goals!

MAKE SURE TO READ DETAILS FOR THE DOUBLE PITCHER CONTEST FOR NEXT WEEK!

Thanks for helping to bring the recycling title to Grassfield!

8:00 Games• Rings Around Uranus vs. You’re Killin Me, Balls! Court 1 Ref: Jon Reyes• Ballsagna vs. Stanger Danger Court 2 Ref: Stella Solorzano• Snack Pack City vs. Sons of Pitches Court 3 Ref: Gabe Harrington• Not Your Average Joe’s vs. Silent Assassins Court 4 Ref: Katy Battista9:00 Games• Anywhere But the Face vs. Rings Around Uranus Court 1 Ref: Will Buker• Long N’ Hard Balls vs. Not Your Average Joe’s Court 2 Ref: Tom Zuppke• Dodgeballs in YOUR Mouth vs. Snack Pack City Court 3 Ref: Shaun Stauffer• Clown Babies vs. Sloppy Seconds Court 4 Ref: Charm REYES Wright

Stranger Danger 6 6 0 0Dodgeballs in YOUR Mouth! 6 5 1 0You’re Killin me, Balls! 6 5 1 0Dodgie Style 7 5 2 0 Sloppy Seconds 6 4 2 0Anywhere But the Face 6 3 3 0Sons of Pitches 6 3 3 0Clown Babies 6 3 3 0 Not Your Average Joes 5 2 3 0 Silent Assassins 6 2 4 0 Long N’ Hard Balls 5 1 4 0Snack Pack City 5 1 4 0Ballsagna 5 0 5 0Rings Around Uranus 5 0 5 0

Week 5 Score Board

Standings

Week 6 Schedule, Friday March 8th

Teams ScoreDodgeballs in YOUR Mouth vs. Not Your Average Joe’s 7-6Ballsagna vs. Silent Assassins 3-6Clown Babies vs. Sons of Pitches 4-8Anywhere But the Face vs. You’re Killin Me, Balls 3-9Sloppy Seconds vs. Stanger Danger 4-6Clown Babies vs. Dodgie Style 6-9Sons of Pitches vs. Rings Around Uranus 12-1Snack Pack City vs. Long N’ Hard Balls 7-8

Team Name GP W L T

Team write-ups

Coming into the night, we knew we had a double header andwe'd be without 6 players. It was going to be an exhaustingnight and it would start against a team that was 3-1. The oddswere certainly stacked against us. Nevertheless, somehow westarted hot out of the gate and won the first 3 or 4 games. Wemust have blown all our energy early because Clown Babiesfrenetic pace caught up to us and they won 3 games in a row.We were eventually able to dig deep and run off a string ofwins to end the match. After the first match though, we wereexhausted!

After our first match of the night, we were tired but knew wehad to scrounge up whatever energy we had left for oursecond game. What's worse is one of the 5 guys we had showup to the games got injured in the first game so we weredown to only 4. Thankfully the ladies stepped up. RAU came inwinless but not for a lack of heart (and fun). This was the themost fun team we've played all season. They were crackingjokes, army crawling on the field, leaping and bounding allover the place. But their best player on the night was Nicolewho had a broken foot and probably shouldn't have been outthere in the first place. She exemplified the 5 D's of dodgeball.Also, apologies to the guy in the blue shorts. Billy and Brianhad some mojo working on the rush and seemed to have itout for that guy right away in almost every match.

- Will Buker

Promoting Ball Awareness...Since 2008

Everything clicked last week. I was in my 'Harlem Shake'costume, the team gelled together, and the dance floor waspretty epic at MOB. We played Rings around Uranus and withour confidence being at an all time high, we came, we saw,and we conquered. We are now sitting at 2nd place. But yougotta watch out for Nick Sutton...never underestimated thepower of the sneakiness. You may think, 'Oh, he's notfocused. He's just the cameraman taking pictures all willynilly, and then jump back into the game'. I thought wrong. Hiscamera aim translated into his accuracy on the court. Yes, I'msaying it...his camera is a performance enchancementtool...like baseball gloves, if you will. I warn theleague...watch out for Nick! You're welcome.

- James Salgado

Team write-ups

I haven't been the best at paying attention during our games so Idecided to ask my teammates for their recaps:

Ronnie-"I know that in one game-Ky took of five opponents byherself! Awesome job to her! MVP!"

Mike-"Ky was game MVP! Also, Michael was unable to play dueto a knee injury. He should be back next week. After the game,he ate 50+ wings, so we fixed his knee up with the leftoverchicken wing pieces!"

Michael-"Ky definitely won the games for us. We have funtogether, laugh together, get out together, and win together, butwe don't throw together! LMAO!"

Yes, teamwork was definitely a key factor in the game Fridaynight. Between Michael, Jay and myself, I don't know who keptscreaming the most! We all kept belting out "THROWTOGETHER!" Unfortunately no one was paying. I thought wewere gonna STB, but we managed to finally listen and came upvictorious! Team....if you are reading....THROW TOGETHER!Including, YOU, Jay!

By the way, thank you so much to Clown Babies and to everyoneelse who donated. I dropped off the items at Grassfield and theywere overwhelmed! They are collecting until April 15th, so if youhave anymore items, please feel free to bring them to ChilledPonds!

- Stella Solorzano

In our game last week it started out as a real nail biter,keeping the score win-for-win against each other. Butluckily for the Silent Assassins, Elaina hauled buns to getto the fields that night in time for the game. She single-handedly gunned down multiple players from the otherteam when she was outnumbered 4-1! It was herincredible sniping skills mixed with her high-pitch screechthat brought the Assassins their win! We had a few minordebates of “He’s out!!” “No he’s not!!” , but nothing a fewhigh-fives at the end couldn’t solve. All in all it was a lot offun, and the girls on both sides got to see a lot of action!The boys did ok… And if anyone’s wondering.. my face isjust fine

- Noelle Walsh

Team write-ups

The game was intense. Everyone feared the snack attack. Meaghancontinued to intimidate and confuse by throwing the ball really far andhigh. Ben caught multiple balls at one time in a blitz attack, takingdown several of our foe. One of our players (me) even caught a ball forthe first time ever. It was unexpected. It was beautiful. Sometimes wewere called out for not being far enough behind the line, but what canwe say, when the adrenaline’s pumping, we’re just trying to survive.Many times it came down to a one on one at the end, in a suddendeath showdown of aggression and fear. It was neck and neck thewhole time. There was one shining moment where we thought wewould win. But we didn’t. Dry your eyes, because this is just a part ofour strategy. Win or lose, there is one thing you will NEVER hear ourteam utter: “It’s just dodgeball.” No, my friends, this is not justdodgeball. In the wise words of Patches O’Houlihan, this is a sport ofviolence, exclusion and degradation. Some have commented thatthere appears to be a 5’8” minimum to be on this team. This is not acoincidence. Yes, we have picked the bigger, stronger players so wecan gang up on the weaker ones. Snack Pack Citybitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pudding in your face!

- Jen Price

So first a quick word on last weeks "Bench" write ups. Joe, youseem like a pretty chill guy, but I was a little disappointed that youlet the one other guy who was acting like a complete DB thatnight do your team write up last week. If I knew he was going tofeed us that huge load of #$&% I would have asked everyone towatch "Two Girls One Cup" first for some pointers on how tochoke it all down. No excuse for Mike's behavior, but how boutyou tell the whole story next time.

Now moving onto our most recent game against Anywhere Butthe Face. Great night all around!!! I feel we probably played thebest we've played all season. I have to give it to ABTF though,they did catch us off guard a game or two and cleared us outwithout us getting any of their players. And our man Mike thatJamie felt the need to bash last week was as quiet as a lamb.Huh?... could that possibly be because no one was running theirmouth and purposely egging him on the whole night? Anywaysgreat job team and way to keep us on our toes ABTF.

- El Capitan Shaun

Team write-ups

Stranger Danger has now completed its tour of vengeance and has redeemedthemselves from a shaky season last year. That being said Sloppy Secondscame out pretty strong and I was pretty impressed. However, we showed up,Sarah Rourke was too lazy to show up, and Kelli Medlin was all doped up onpain meds from a recent zombie attack or something of that nature. Most ofour team just came back from the South Florida Kickball Open, and had toreadjust to the life of dodgeball. Eric Stevens was all nimbly bimbly jumpingaround like a cat. Sterling Wilcox made a valiant return to the field. StaceyBolton still cowers like a little girl whenever a ball is thrown her way, but it’sok. We still love you Stacey. Oh…. and speaking of little girls….. StrangerDanger would like to admit it is a sad thing to see a grown man cry, it’s evensadder when that grown man cries every game, for every and any reason. It’salmost as bad as walking over to the other team’s side (I still think he waslooking for the ladie’s room to find a tissue) and cry some more only to tuckhis tail and run away. This call out is for you Ronnie Whitten, next time drinka can o man and shake hands at the end of the game.

♥ Always - Stranger Danger

Definitely one of those game days that our team was happy to haveunlimited access to beer (Thank you, Millions of Beers). Goodteammates and friends to hang out with were most certainly highlightsof the evening. Besides that, it was really not our week: we lost bothgames that evening and a double pitcher contest (We all know whichlose affected us the most). Who knows what happened… maybe because4 of our teammates were missing, we were playing our games with only2 subs, or maybe because 3 of our guys were celebrating a friend’s visitto town before the games. Not to mention someone, who shall remainunnamed, decided not to wear their magical tutu that brought some luckto the team last week. With these unfortunate events looming it didn’tstop us from showing some moves on the dance floor, ordering countlesspitchers of beer and 20 Jell-O shots with the team (Thank you again,Millions of beers) to celebrate good friends, good spirits, and goodtimes. The night did however have glimpses of brilliance along withweakest moves. Play was very inconsistent and I was reallycontemplating to write my Russian thoughts on the game. Taking thehigh road I decided that cursing even in a foreign language is probablynot permitted in such a fine publication as the “Bench”. So, don’t take usoff the map just yet. With Friday quickly approaching count on us tobring back our A-game, oh and the return of our 2 best players who haveno intention to visit DC this upcoming weekend.

Sincerely,Your Russian teammate, Natalia

With apologies to Butler/Gonzaga, Duke/Miami and Ohio State/Indiana, Not Your Average Joe's vs Dodgeballsin Your Mouth was THEE game of the year! This match was the Rumble in the Jungle, the 2010 NCAA NationalChampionship Game, the Thrilla in Manilla, the 1991 World Series and the 2001 World Series all rolled into one.The stands were packed with every spectator on the edge of the seat, their knuckles Irish white, gripping theseat harder and harder with every throw. I tell you what I haven't seen this many fans with as much anticipationsince the Dodgeball Games in Oslo back in 1908 and we all know how that turned out.

Two teams, both with hopes of postseason domination, met on the dodgeball gridiron where many a man haslost an ACL and many a woman losing a uterus or a forehead, or in the case of Robyn, a vaginia...courtesy ofme...you're welcome. Tensions ran high on both sides, with no team wanting to give an inch. If their was ever aBattle of the Bulge (not in your pants) in real life, outside of the one that took place during WWII, this was asclose as civilization as seen since that epic battle.

Both teams traded W's the entire night. NYAJ's implemented new strategies tonight in the hopes of confusingtheir opponent, as well as sacrificing themselves for the good of the team. The first of these selfless acts camewhen yours truly, in trying to evade a ball, dove to the ground and in the process, maybe, (and I STRESS maybe)took out his teammate Kim. This collision had ER written all over it if it not for my amazing sipping from a strawfor the rest of her life-saving skills. As the damsel in distress fell to the ground (picture Hans falling from theYakatomi Building in Die Hard), I had the wherewithal to initiate my catlike reflexes by placing my left hand onher back, easing the impact which I'm sure would have left her in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Thesecond super hero act came when Eddie, seeing many balls coming at his face (which he normally welcomes),dove with the grace and elegance of Greg Louganis (minus the gay and HIV part) resulting in him living to seeanother ball. You cannot teach athleticism and agility displayed by myself and Eddie Mac. All one can hope for isto be present when God-like acts such as this occur and thank those who have that gift!

Most teams have been introduced to the SERPENTINE but tonight we introduced the world to the EAGLE! DYMdid not know what hit them, at first. Confused? Yes. Befuddled? Without question. Deterred? Not quite.

To DYM's credit they were able to regroup, get their balls in order, and make the game interesting. With timerunning out and the game deadlocked at 6 a piece, there was time for one more game. Both teams sent their A-squads out there in the hopes of coming out on top on the field, and in the bedroom. With time winding down,NYAJ's made one last attempt to win the game but Zach was able to catch a throw that we all thought would hitthe ground after it his chest but to no avail. Dodgeballs in Your Mouth came out on top but it is the hope ofNYAJ's that we meet DYM in the playoffs and get a little retribution.

P.S. Dear Zach, the Patriots SUCK!- Jamie Hopkins

Team write-ups

I knew this was going to be a tough game for us.Stranger Danger had the experience and the skills toout match us this day. I was thinking about the LittleGiants "that one time" but it wasn't our one time. Iwas proud of my team for playing hard and workingtogether. By season end hopefully we will be bethere till the end. Good game Stranger Danger!

- Jon Reyes

Charity Skeeball

T O U R N A M E N TWHEN & WHEREMarch 23 ▪ 1 pm - 5 pmMillions of Beers 1701 Parkview DriveChesapeake, VA 23320

The DEETS$20 per person. You must go to www.backyardsportsclub.comto register under the “Tournaments” tab.

WHOYour team will consist of 2 players. There is no gender requirement.

SCORINGThe scoring works as follows: Players will alternate turns. At the conclusion of eachplayers turn, their score will be applied to the total score for that set. At the end ofthe set, the team with the highest cumulative score will win. The winner of the matchwill be the first team to win 3 sets.

PRIZESThe top two teams will receive trophies. There will be a 50/50 raffle and lots of greatprizes will be raffled off. Team costumes are strongly encouraged and prizes will begiven to best team costume.

ALL money raised will go to Sam Flowers medical bills!

Analyze THIS!

Now you see me!

Now you DON’T! Try to get me

now, Jamie Hop!

Watch this! I’m a pitcher, and I can hit that green ball

so hard, I’ll knock it out of your hands!

Dammit! I missed! Next

time, Mike Moleski…next

time!

Come on ref! There’s no playing

peek-a-boo in dodgeball!

Chill out dude! Let’s be civil and

hug it out, what do you say?

Moral of the story….hugging it out solves everything! I propose that these two boys hug it out and take a shot together at MOB!

The HookupHow’s a kid supposed to get some baby momma drama w/o no baby momma?? Ok, let’sdo this…Our Gabriel is a real catch. He’s got all his appendages. Did Van Wilder evergraduate? I’m not sure. Gabe did. Bam. He’s employed, with like a clothes required typejob, so that’s cool. Tell your mom. I’m told it won’t interfere with his social life either, sohe can continue to be the life of the party. Always like Gabe to be a tech pioneer, heeven now owns a smart phone. I bet you can show him how to put your number in it.His favorite band is the Avett Brothers…until he tells you it’s Grouplove…or when Bandof Horses tix go on sale…it’s them. Whatever. He likes live music, and that’s awesome.He’ll even dance in what looks like a cross between an ADHD 3rd grader post dozengiant pixie sticks and an epileptic cockapoo after flashing the lights, but it’s reallyentertaining and will make you laugh, so just go with it. He’s also cultured. He’s touredvineyards and only pretended to give that horse wine. You might remember him fromsuch recent BYSC FB postings as “I lost my wallet at MOB last Friday. Has anyone seenit?” but that’s only happened like 3x ever, so I think that still qualifies for superresponsible. Just remember…once Gabe enters your life, everything is ridiculouslyboring when he’s not around. You’ll want to keep him. He’s fun (understatement),funny (truth), and any other type of word you can modify with those letters. In his body,where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story. So hitthis dude up. You can find him at Chilled Ponds compromising himself to solidify adouble pitcher win or MOB celebrating said double pitcher win. Serious (or non-serioustoo…will you let him sleep on your couch? That’ll work) inquiries only. Apply within.Please don’t be a Duke fan.

- Anonymous

DOUBLE Pitcher Contest

Again, congrats to the Clown Babies. Let’s see if ya’ll can take the double pitchers this week. We’re changing the game up and now its totally reliant

on skills! Good luck everyone!

“Skeeball for Pitchers”

Each team will nominate 1 guy and 1 girl to represent their team.Backyard Sports Club will pay for each team of 2 to play a game ofSkeeball. The nominated members will alternate rolling the balls. Theteam that gets the highest score wins the double pitchers! Easy Peasy!

Friday March 8th Contest

7

Charities & Sponsor Barwww.backyardsportsclub.com

Drink Specials• $2.50 Pint Domestic Drafts

• $9 Domestic Pitchers

• $3.50 Well Cocktails

Provided to Each Winning Team• 1 pizza with 2 toppings at Eagles Nest

Or

• 20 wings at Million’s of Beers

CARPE FREEZUM at the coolest event of the year!

The Polar Plunge® Winter Festival is Special Olympics Virginia’s largest fundraiser, attractingmore than 10,000 people to an otherwise deserted beachfront in February. Individuals andteams, alongside our athletes and thousands of community members, experienceheartwarming and bone chilling extremes as they take the plunge into the icy Atlantic Oceanin the height of winter!

About Special Olympics

Special Olympics Virginia is a year-round program of sports training and athletic competitionfor children and adults with intellectual disabilities. We serve more than 10,000 athletesthroughout the Commonwealth. Thanks to a statewide volunteer network of more than20,000 and the support of generous partners throughout Virginia, athletes pay nothing toparticipate. And with nearly 2,000 events annually, including seven state-level competitionsand numerous extreme fundraisers like the Polar Plunge, we invite everyone to join us inour mission to open hearts and change minds about people with intellectual disabilities.

Looks like everyone has learned not to make crazy Dodgeball faces!

Chesapeake, Virginia Backyard Sports Club, Hampton Roads Crossfire League