The Amazing Cave of Secrets

Sound interesting? Now that your hopes are high and you are really curious I feel it is the best time to tell you that by secrets, I mean

Mathematical Formulae. Click the oval below to start your exciting journey!

CLICK TO GAIN SATISFACTORY

UNDERSTANDING OF CURRICULUM

As you start your riveting journey in the valley of Pythagoras, you notice that everything is made out of

these crazy, crazy triangles that all have a right angle in them. You try to remember what the longest side of a right-angled triangle is called, and how it is spelled.

Hypotenuse

Jim

I give up

Highpott Enuse

You get an overwhelming feeling of superiority as you remember something you should know anyway as your teacher has explained it like, a billion times. Suddenly the ground shakes and the surface of the earth crumbles away behind you. After running for your life for what feels like tan90, you finally come across a mysterious cave with 3 entrances labelled Sin, Cos and Tan. A nearby bird squawks

“Opposite over Hypotenuse!” Choose an entrance.

Cos

Sin

Give up

Tan

Your knowledge of maths has saved your life, but you are now in a dark cave with no idea what to do next. A

strange woman shuffles out of the darkness and, through interpretive dance, tells you “Opposite over Adjacent!”. What do you interpretive dance back at

her?

Cos

Sin

I Give up

Tan

The woman nods in agreement, then spontaneously combusts. You find a torch among her ashes, and after brushing your victim’s

effluence off the device, you turn it on. There is no exit in sight. Suddenly Pythagoras, the almighty Greek mathematician, crashes through the ceiling, arms outstretched like Superman. He slowly

descends to the ground, adjusts his dishevelled robe and proclaims “Adjacent over Hypotenuse!” What do you say back to him?

Cos

Sin

I Give up

Tan

He smiles and nods. After tapping you on the forehead with the Staff of Science and Reason you realise he has teleported you into his home back in Ancient Greece. He seems stressed

and says he has been searching for a bright young mind to help him figure out the following problem: what is an easy way to decide whether to use sin, cos or tan? You reply…

Use your magic staff old man

SOHCAHTOA

I Give up

Invade Poland

A rock that represents your teacher’s disappointment falls out of the sky and crushes your uneducated body.

Rewind time and persist with mathematics

Using a handy app on its iPhone, the bird calls down an airstrike, destroying the entrances to the cave of

secrets. As your uneducated body falls into the hot magma below the earth’s surface and burns to a crisp,

you focus intently on your teacher’s intense disappointment in you.

Rewind time and persist with mathematics

Because you didn’t persist in maths at school, you made the terrible career decision to become a professional interpretive

dancer. One day you are moving your uneducated body in random ways and claiming it is a form of art. Suddenly you realise that no matter how hard you try, you cannot fully

express your maths teacher’s intense disappointment through dance.

Rewind time and persist with mathematics

As Pythagoras hideously mutates into a dragon, roasts your uneducated body with his breath and swallows you whole, you can’t help but wonder how intensely

disappointed your maths teacher must be in you.

Rewind time and persist with mathematics

He embraces you wholeheartedly, but unfortunately your generation’s culture prohibits you from comfortably accepting

affection from strangers and you play with your iPhone awkwardly. You wonder what the hell just happened, as all you did was say a bunch of gibberish and apparently that was the right answer. Pythagoras asks you to present your findings to

his peers. What does SOH stand for, a Greek woman asks?

Ask P-Dawg, he seems to get it

Shrill OrangeHerald

SinѲ = Opposite divided by Hypotenuse

Invade Poland

Everyone smiles and thanks you, and Pythagoras teleports you back to the present day with his magic staff. Unfortunately

your answer has stifled Ancient Greece’s contribution to modern science and reason, and you have created a horrible

world where Justin Bieber was democratically voted President of the USA and Nickelback wins music awards.

Rewind time and persist with mathematics

As Pythagoras hideously mutates into a dragon, roasts your uneducated body with his breath and swallows you whole, you can’t help but wonder how intensely

disappointed your maths teacher must be in you.

Rewind time and persist with mathematics

Everyone seems satisfied. Pythagoras excitedly explains: SOH means SinѲ = Opposite side divided by Hypotenuse CAH means CosѲ = Adjacent side divided by Hypotenuse

TOA means TanѲ = Opposite side divided by Adjacent side He explains that to power up his magic Staff of Science and Reason,

you need to recite Pythagoras’ theorem. Then he can send you home.

Nickelback actually make pretty good music

I got tan90problemsand your theorem ain’t one

A2 + B2 = C2

Simply add blackmail to kidnapping

The universe simply cannot contain your teacher’s disappointment at this stage and implodes, crushing

your uneducated body into oblivion.

Rewind time and persist with mathematics

Pythagoras taps you on the forehead again with the Staff of Science and Reason, teleporting you back to the present day. You have succeeded! Press the Escape Button of Irony to be trapped back in your classroom.