The adventures of Isze the Irritable and Chester the

CheekyA choose your own adventure

tale

You are Isze, a serious, honourable and very competent ranger and you have been tasked with the saving of little Chester the Chipmunk, who has been carried off by a crow!

You are great believer in letting nature run its course, but part of that is protecting your own and you'd grown quite fond of the little guy.

You quickly change your shoes- Geranium gives an odd look at the striped and pointed things, and you decide not to waste time explaining. (A gift from a giant munchkin, a story for another day). Gaudy, but excellent for climbing. You then retrieve a rope from your pack (You'd bought it on your walk of course, being prepared never hurts) anchor it to a solid looking tree and disappear over the rock face, Geranium’s cries echoing in your ears

CLICK TO CONTINUE

“I'll never make it down those rocks, but I have to do something! He's my baby!”

The rock face is steep, craggy AND slippery thanks to some sort of oozing slime, but you are more agile than a mountain goat and the aid of the rope and your shoes make the climb easy. A pointed toe to thrust into that crevice (move your hands), flexible so you can fit your foot into that crack….However, the climb is long and the rope soon runs out. You call out to Geranium to untie it, who knows what lies ahead? The rope may prove vital. As the rope snakes its way through the air you hear a shriek. A nightmare irion has swooped over the horizon, claws aimed at you! It snags your rope. You slash it as it continues near, your aim true. The irion pulls itself up, but circles around for another pass. DO you

Manoeuvre yourself to fight! You will defend yourself if necessary!

Take a chance and drop into a shimmering sheet of water you can see at the base of the cliff on your left.

Try and talk to and perhaps bribe the irion. You know they like emeralds, perhaps they will like the peridots in your all-natural plugs?

You only fight when necessary, but what choice do you have? The creature seems determined to attack.

You climb quickly to a ledge wide enough for you to stand on and pull out your knife. As the irion closes in, claws extended you make vicious cuts with your blade. You cause great damage, cloudy black blood hisses into the air, but the irion closes its giant talons around you, lifts you into the air and starts flying higher and higher. Do you

Continue to fight, and try to climb the irion. At least on its back you will be away from the talons, if not beak

Wait for an opportunity. Sometimes, nothing is the best action.

After all those knife-cuts, the irion decides its had enough of you. It releases its claws, and you cling desperately to one leg as it barrel-rolls through the air, swooping in fantastic patterns to try and shake you off. It’s now diving at the ground at full speed. The wind is bruising at this pace, and the g-force ripples your skin, but you are determined. You let go only a short way off the ground.

You cant really fall properly from that position, but you do your best and only break the arm you land on from the force you hit with. Thankfully, the irion flaps off. You quickly rig yourself a sling and then look around. You seem to be on the edge of the Black Lands, facing a lush meadow. You can see a tree in the black area that looks like a crow roost, or you can continue into the meadow. Where do you go?

Tree

Meadow

That tree looks like a good place for a crow roost, so you decide to check it out. As you approach the tree, some caw your presence but don’t seem too bothered. You try to question them, but they seem to be ordinary crows. They make a few swoops as you approach the tree, warning you off. You grab a suave leather fedora from your pack, smear it with anyu sleeping powder before pulling low over your eyes, and decide a quicker approach is the better option.

You run at the tree, shouting. “Chester, Chester! Are you there? Can you hear me?” A little paw emerges from a knot in the wood and is withdrawn as its snapped at. As you get closer, crows crowd around you, pecking viciously. The anyu sleeping powder works, but only after a few pecks. Peck, peck, peck DROP.

You reach the tree and quickly pluck Chester out of his hiding place. He's so terrified you can barely distinguish his little heartbeats. You then run till the crows start to leave you alone, satisfied you’ve left their territory. You decide to take the long route around the Black Lands to the inn, walking through a forest is natural for you and you encounter nothing worse than a foraging anyu, who is thoroughly disinterested in you. When you arrive at the inn, Geranium looks like she's got a whole winters worth of nuts in her face as she squeezes Chester. She then looks at you in horror, and hands you a little mirror from her apron. You look a dreadful mess, and who knows what nightmare irion claws do? Chester's safe now, so you decide to go clean up before your next adventure.

THE END

The tree looks pretty barren. The meadow is a random place to start, but you cant do anything else. You ask a passing field mouse if she has heard anything about a crow carrying a chipmunk. Do your utter disconcertion, the mouse breaks into song.

“Oh a crow grabbed little ChesterAnd flew across meadow and hill”A passing honey badger joins in.“But there’s no need for fearWe have him safe right here!He was left with old voleAnd is safe in his hole”By now, a whole field of animals is singing. You wonder if they have telepathy, to be so coordinated at random.“And the ranger will take him safe homeBack across the fields she will roamWith little Chester Oh-oh”

Well, this is just weird, but you allow yourself to be taken to the Vole’s hill. You now have Chester, so you decide to high-tail it out if there, DANCING is beginning. You do not dance. You set out for home, Chester perched on your shoulder and happily singing “Chester Oh-oh”

THE END

You decide to let the irion carry you where it will. It soars to a rocky mountain peak, and drops you into its nest before immediately taking flight again. You appear to be intended as lunch for its three chicks, but they are ordinary chibis and don’t seem that enthused.

“Mama turned black one day” one complained “And then she started to bring back really strange food. “Do we HAVE to eat you?” “No, no” you assure them hastily as you pull some Eco-Friendly Beef Jerky out of your pack for them. “By any chance did your mama bring back a crow or a chipmunk today?” All the chicks clicked their beaks and nodded. “We didn’t eat th’crow tho they taste really bad” says the little chick on your left. “And…the chipmunk….” you feel a horrible pressure building in your stomach. “Well, we were GOING to eat him” says the chick who hadn't spoken yet. “But he’s really fun to play with!”

Your knees grow weak with relief as he lifts a wing to reveal Chester. “We were playing hide and seek!” the little chipmunk says rather indignantly. “You ruined it!” You ask Chester to finish his game later, pick him up and tuck him into your pack. You assure the irions you'll return and try to cure their mother, but first you have to bring Chester home. The journey is a few days, and you have to make up some stories to placate the bored little chipmunk, but the irion, thinking you’ve been eaten, doesn’t bother you. When you finally arrive at the Inn, you hand a rather grubby but healthy Chester over to Geranium, and go to find your teams Alchemist. Maybe she’ll have something to help with the Nightmare Irion.

THE END

Are you crazy? You should never jump into water when you don’t know what's below the surface, or how deep it is. Lucky for you, the water is deep. The breathe is a bit knocked out of you, and an underwater rock tears through your sleeve into skin, but all in all positive. You quickly swim over to a bank of reeds and break yourself a breathing straw. The reeds are all dead, and rather mucky, but all you need is a hollow tube to breathe through. You hold yourself underwater by another rock and soon see the irions shadow ripple overhead. Does the irion

Get bored and fly away?

Continue circling?

Not seeing you, the irion quickly grows tired of circling and flies off. You emerge from the water and continue on. The sun is harsh, but it dries your clothes. You scale a few more rocks. Its tough going but you are still surprised to see a crows nest on a prominent crag after only one hour. Hmm, that’s a bit quick. Nerveless, you check it out and find Chester inside. The walls are too smooth for him to climb but you can reach in easily. He immediately starts to burble excitedly at you about his adventures. What does the crow want with him?

Something weird

Something weirder

“Isze Isze” Chester babbles. “I thought the crow was going to eated me! But she want me to be her baby!” You blink at Chester. “I told her I already had a mummy but she said I was going to stay here. Are you bringing me back to mummy? What's going to happen to…” At that moment you hear a despairing shriek and a crow wings its way rapidly towards you. “Mine! Mine!” You sound rather like a seagull you think to yourself “Please don’t take him!” The crow has found more words. “Since me mate was killed by a serpenth and our chick grew up I've had no-one!” Oh dear, empty nest syndrome. Literally. If crows could cry, you are sure this one would. You feel uncomfortable. You fix your own problems, you are not so good with the crying people, or almost crying crows for that matter, but you feel you should help. Do you

Suggest single-parenthood?

Something random?

The crow drops its head. “I know I've been stupid. I shouldn’t have taken him. I'm just so lonely…” “Now, now stop that” you say hastily. “Why not adopt?” “I have no mate to help me with chicks, and I'm determined to have no other mate! And where could I get them anyway?” You turn over the scenario in your head. “Autumn dragons.” The crow makes a baw-ing sound at you. “No, I'm serious. There's always a few orphans behind the fruit stands at the farmers market- they have claws and flames for protection, but they need shelter and affection. If you build a secure nest…” The crow doesn’t need much convincing, and flies off in the markets direction. You return safely to the inn with the help of your climbing shoes. Upon explaining your story, Geraniums eyes flash with both sympathy and fury. Well, more fury, but at least Chester is at home safe. Now you just have to go through everything in your pack for water damage. Saving people can be an expensive job!

THE END

As I said before, you are not so good with the upset expressions. You are normally very composed, but here you blurt out the first thing that comes into your head. “Why not become an au pair?” You immediately feel rather silly, but the crow seems delighted with the idea. “Yes! That’s fantastic! Ill only be looking after them part time, I cant leave if I don’t like them. I love it!” She flies off, leaving you still feeling rather silly. You set off for the Squirrel, shaking your head.

You arrive back at the inn. Geranium is overwhelmingly grateful. “He's a good boy” she says “But sometimes I just cant watch him as I should. Sometimes I think about getting a nanny.” You roll your eyes, and advise her to vet all applicants thoroughly.

THE END

“The crow said she going to sacrifice me!” Cries Chester fearfully. “To the god of no-magic! At sunset!”Obviously, you are going to have to do something about this cult. “Don’t worry” you tell him as you pick him up “I will return you to your mother, then deal with this cult.” This actually only serves to distress Chester further. “Noooooo!!” he wails “You have to take me!! I never have any adventures!! I want out be a ranger like you! And I wont tell you were it is, so there!” He sits on your palm and crosses his arms threateningly. He is such a plump little fluffball it only serves to look cute, but you don’t smile. “I don’t take well to blackmail, young man” you say sternly. “If you want to come, you have to prove yourself.” “Howowowowow?” bounces Chester. “Firstly, you must tell me the location. Secondly, you must remain quiet while we stake it out” Does Chester manage to remain quiet?

YES

NO

Unfortunately, Chester cannot resist chittering. He chitters as you scale the rocky heights. He chitters as you approach the site. He chitters as you take note of the anti-mage sigils (ironic much?) and strange marks on the ground. He chitters only a little quieter as two unknown crows pass by where you have taken shelter.

So you return him to a relieved Geranium, and then go off to take care of the site alone. You disrupt their sigils and take out the leaders, its easy, and you gain a nice cloak in the process.

That night, you go to check in on Chester. “Mummy says I have to say thankyou” says Chester sulkily “Young man, I hope one day you realise the seriousness of that situation and that will be my thanks. In the meantime” You add dryly “Perhaps you should think about becoming a warrior, not a ranger. They are allowed to be far noisier.” As if on cue, you hear a crash downstairs, and a familiar voice raised in a shout. It is your teammate Areiwyn , and no doubt she has challenged some hapless fuel to a duel. You should go check it out.

THE END

To your surprise, Chester manages to remain silent all through your stake-out. You always keep your promises, so as sunset approaches, you approach the sacrificial site. A large number of carrion birds are already there. To your surprise, however, zombies start arriving.

You listen to them, and discover these aren't ordinary zombies. They're cultists, bent on destroying both magic and anything non-zombie. You have to get back to the inn and warn everyone, and then warn the – well the LESS violent zombies. This would be horrible publicity for the Underground.

You start to sneak away. Unfortunately the zombies see you. Desperately, you pull your anyu sleeping powder out of your pack and yell “I have a cure! Stay away!” Your hands are covering the label, maybe it'll work? It does, for about three seconds. The zombies then realise they outnumber you ridiculously and you can hardly get them all. These zombies have been eating their brains.

Still, three seconds is all a good ranger needs. In that time you run to a defensible-looking cave and throw your pack to the floor. “Matches, Chester!” You order as you pull a stick of dynamite. He complies happily, exclaiming “that’s so cool!” as a burning stick explodes, sending zombiecharr everywhere. You successfully battle off the first wave, but there are too many, and the mouth of your cave is a little too wide. You grab Chester, run to the back, and blow up the entrance. You have more dynamite for opening a hole later, and you can smell a non-cave smell from somewhere. Hopefully that means a tunnel, or at least an air hole. You follow the scent, to find a tunnel that leads conveniently up to the Squirrels Cellars. More tunnels?? You think to yourself. Did Ertrude and Winton build one for every anniversary? You’re going to have to go tell Gertrude and Winston you collapsed their smuggling tunnel, and everyone about the zombie threat, but first you have to take Chester to his mother and explain why you took her child to a zombie-and-dynamite fight. Good luck.

THE END

“I have green gemstones I would give for safe passage!” you shout as the irion streams towards you. It pulls up beside you. Its massive wingbeats make the air shimmer. “Those sorry excuses for stones of the air set in your ears? Ranger I am an irion and a nightmare, those stones do not appeal. And in any case why should I not kill you and pick you over at leisure?” “I have knives too irion! This way we both benefit! Perhaps I have something else!” you shout. You make your way to a ledge and begin to pull things out of your pack. The irion glares at you, but its eyes gleam covetously as you pull out a Vampyric Blood drop pendant. As you do so you notice a vial full of mind-numbing herbs. You picked it in the Riverside forest, and there’s no magic mixed in, but you have no idea if it would work on this beast. It Do you

Make the bargain

Try the powder

You throw the powder into the irions face. To your great surprise, it works. The irion hangs passively in the air and even lets you climb onto his back. “Take me to where you left chasing the crow!” you order. It does so without objection. You search around, and soon see a nest. You approach warily but the crow seems to see you as an ally. “Help!” cries the crow. “My babies dinner is stuck inside the tree and they’re starving! That irions driven off all the game!” You notice a frightened pair of eyes peering at you from a squirrel-hole. Its Chester. “You realise he's a talking animal too? You don’t abide by Narnian laws?” The crow just caws back at you in confusion and in distress. “Never mind” you mutter “I think I've solved your irion problem, if temporarily. If you give me that thing in the tree, Ill feed your chicks.” You pull a tube of eco-friendly beef jerky out of your pack. The crow is happy with the bargain, and promises to watch out for talking food in future. You tuck the shaking Chester into your jacket and walk back to the irion. Is

The irion still under its spell?

Waking up and bent on revenge?

The irion flies you to a meadow bordering the Black Lands with little trouble. (Being shrewd, you refused to pay upfront) You start to look around for a crows nest, when you hear a voice. “Isze!” Chester is sitting on a tree near you. “Hiii! A crow picked me up and I was worried it was gon’ eat me so I bit it and it dropped me and now you’re here to!” Chester chatters at you as you check him for injury. You set off for home, skirting the Black Lands, thinking to yourself “Well, that was easy” But Chester has other ideas. He chatters. He runs off and hides. You catch him about to eat poison berries. He gets into your pack, and plays with your dynamite. He lights your matches. You are fully prepared to explain how to use these things PROPERLY, but he's not listening. He's too busy poking a sleeping tigrean. “Not to be mean, just coz its fuzzy and big!” You have eleven younger siblings, and you swear none of them are this bad! Being raised half-wild in a forest must give you more sense and self-control. If you sit on a serpenths tail, you get bit! Although in Chesters instance, you snatch him away and apologise to the indignant serpent. By the time you get back the Squirrel and grimly hand him over to Geranium, you are more worn than if you had battled 100 irions. You don't trust yourself to speak when Geranium thanks you and adds “You’re so wonderful with children too, he wants to tell me about all your games!” Instead, you beat a hasty retreat into the surliest corner of the saloon, elmos flask in hand.

THE END

The irion continues to circle, and you grow impatient. Much longer and everything in your pack will be useless and you yourself are turning into a prune. Enough valuable time has been wasted. As you emerge from the water, you are surprised to hear a familiar war cry. “Ire!” you exclaim. The third of your eleven younger siblings spins around and recognises you. “Isze!” He bounds over to hug you. He always was the affectionate one. “Brother do we not have a nightmare irion bearing down upon us?” you ask seriously. “We do indeed dear sister” answers Ire “But between us we will vanquish it easily.” Together, you battle the irion and reduce it to curling black tendrils that shimmer away into the air. You tell your brother of your quest, and he frowns thoughtfully. “Hmmmmm. I was in a town just out of this rocky maze a few hours ago, and I was given a circus add. A new act was apparently just added. He shows you a brochure.”

TINY TEENY TUMBLERS! The cutest circus you’ll ever see! Written over the top in glittering pen was Now with the terrific trampolining cheeky chipmunk!

Well, that certainly is suspicious. You decide to check it out, but do you go the next town on the route or the town your brother saw them in?

Next town

The town your brother was in

Ire says they were packing up when he left, so you travel together to the next town marked on the brochure. The carnival has arrived a little before you, and is in the process of setting up. You are stopped on your approach by a cheerful man in overlarge pinstripe pants. “Now folks, shows not for a few hours! Youll ruin the magic! I do hope do see you tonight, but for now you have to leave!”

You reply to him grimly. “I am afraid that’s not an option. We are on a search for a missing Chipmunk child by the name of Chester, and believe he may be being held here.” The Carnival Master pushes back his cap. “Chester? You mean my new act? I didn’t realise he was a child. Of course not! Most of my circus are squirrels, you see. He seemed bit energetic but I assumed it was just enthusiasm!”

Although still suspicious, you allow yourself to be led through the tents. You find Chester dressed in a little leotard, powdering his nose and humming. “What do you think you’re doing young man? And how did you get here??” you exclaim. “I joined the circus! Ima staar!” Chester twirls. “I thought that crow want’d to eat me but she just wanted the acorn! So I said, take me here! Look Isze , I’m going to be in the show!” You bite your cheek. Children can only be held so accountable for their actions. “Chester your mother is TERRIFIED. Crows EAT chipmunks! So you are safe and you decided to run away without so much as a note?” During your speech, Chester's eyes start to well. “I didn’t know! I'm sorry Isze! I didn’t know crows eated me! I just wanted to be a star and have Mummy see!” He clings to you as he cries. “Theres no need for that” you say awkwardly. “Ill send a message to your mother- I just have to find a messenger that won't eat her-” Chester cries louder and Ire shakes his head. City kids. “But ill see what I can do. Ire, watch him” You thrust Chester into the arms of an alarmed Ire and leave to have a chat to the circus master. You return to find Ire teaching Chester how to carve a tiny bow. “Now Chester, we have to go home now. A baby squirrel in a suit has agreed to take on your act” Chester's face sags with disappointment “But I've talked to the Circus Master and he's agreed to make a stop at the inn. And when they do, you are allowed to perform if you wish.” Chester's faces breaks into an enormous smile. “I love you” he exclaims, rushing up to hug you. “Now just think a little before you do something next time” you chide as you settle him in your pocket for the walk home. Ire has agreed to accompany to you, at least to the inn. You are having second thoughts about taking your little brother any ware near your teammate Aicha’s vicinity, but you think he can look after himself. You think. Ah dear, someone else to keep an eye on. He shrug resignedly as the three of you set out for the Squirrel.

THE END

Arriving at the town, you begin your questioning. No-one’s seen him, but there’s something funny about their reactions. After questioning all the shopkeepers, you decide to go the circus anyway. You start to leave a little bakery, when the bunny owner hisses under her breath “Come with me to the back”

You send Ire ahead to the circus, and follow the bunny. “I have Chester” she blurts as soon as you are alone “Geraniums a friend of mine- I went to the circus to check out their new act, and it was Chester! I snuck around after, and they’ve got all the performers in cages! I got him out but then the Circus Master heard something!” she's bunching up her little apron in terror. “I'm so scared of him! Maybe you could get the rest of them out, and take Chester back to Geranium for me? I cant face him!” “Courage is acting despite fear” you reply “You’ve done well, now help me and my brother defeat this man.” The bunny hesitates. As it turns out, you'll never know her decision because at that moment your brother comes storming in, dragging a man who looks like a seedy version of the Delphi Carnival Master. “This low-life had all his circus locked away! Accommodation, I don’t think so! Accommodation doesn’t have external locks! Look at this pathetic man, Isze!” You smile a small smile at Ire. You are very proud. It reminds you of when he first started hunting, and would present everything he caught to you. “I was originally the Carnival Master” squeaks a plump hare. “We hired that man as a driver, but he imprisoned us! How can we repay you?” “You can drive us to the Inn named Squirrel” Ire replies. They are very happy to do so, and everyone at the Squirrel is delighted to see Chester back safely. They are also very amused to see the evil Carnival Master locked into a cage- you and Ire had agreed it was a fitting punishment. You may do something else with him later, but for now you retire to the saloon to drink some Bumbo with your brother before he leaves to continue his journeying. A pleasant end to the day.

THE END

The irion, thankfully, is still well drugged. You feel guilty though. Yes it’s a nightmare, but you’ve basically enslaved a creature and that does not sit well with you. You decide you owe it a debt, and will keep it till you pay it. You fly it up to the inn were Geranium becomes quite hysterical to see Chester is safe. “Vot is that?” exclaims Ertrude as everyone stares at your new pet. “You cant sink you are keeping dat in ze stables!”

THE END I O U

As you walk towards the irion, you see it shake its head. It turns towards you and hisses. Oh. Dear. You make a break towards trees at the other side of the meadow. However the crows notice. Furious at the beast destroyed their territory, and energised by the food you’d given them they mob the irion, beaks and talons stabbing at the smokiness. Seeing that was only scaring Chester more, you set out for home. When you arrive, a crowd is gathered in the yard to cheer you – it seems one of the crows had flown ahead of you and told everyone you had helped defeat the night menace. They have a feast waiting, and many people have ideas for your next adventure, but you just cant wait for it to be over. Finding a clean spring and bathing is the only sort of adventure you want right now.

THE END