TEN TIPS FOR GETTING A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP TIPS FOR GETTING A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP On an average night, 30 to 40 million Americans have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Sleep

TEN TIPS FOR GETTING A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEPOn an average night, 30 to 40 million Americans have trouble falling asleep or

staying asleep. Sleep difficulties can take a toll on your health and well-being, especially if they persist. People who are sleep-deprived are more likely to experience poor concentration and irritability, have accidents and even suffer from depression, according to the Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School. Here are 10 helpful sleep reminders.

Ten Tips for Getting a Good Night’s Sleep 1 – 2

Is Your Relationship Under Too Much Stress? 3 – 4

Keeping Up in a Fast-Paced Work World 5 – 6

Sharing Household Responsibilities 7 – 8

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Q2 NEWSLETTER | 2014

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1 Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. A predictable schedule sets your body’s “internal clock” to expect to sleep at a certain time each night.

2 Create a sleep routine. Ease the transition to sleep by engaging in relaxing activities beginning an hour or so before bedtime. You might take a bath, do some light reading, or listen to soothing music.

3 Don’t watch the clock. Keeping an eye on the clock when you want to fall asleep (or when you wake up in the middle of the night) can increase stress and make it harder to sleep. Turn your alarm clock’s face away from the bed. If you use a cellphone alarm, set your phone face down.

4 Limit caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and other substances that may keep you awake. Stay away from these when it’s close to bedtime, and limit any consumption of caffeine to 4 to 6 hours before you want to fall asleep.

5 Watch what and when you eat at night. Finish your evening meal several hours before you go to bed, and avoid foods that you know upset your stomach and could keep you awake.

6 Make your bedroom a comfortable environment for sleeping. It should be cool, dark and quiet.

7 Deal with stressful tasks earlier in the day or evening. It may be harder to relax and go to sleep if you engage in demanding tasks like paying bills or dealing with a difficult parenting issue just before bedtime.

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8 Get regular exercise, but not during the three hours before bedtime. Daily exercise can help you get to sleep faster and sleep better. Exercise stimulates your body’s secretion of the hormone cortisol, which promotes alertness. To avoid feeling too alert when you want to sleep, avoid exercising in the three hours before bedtime.

9 Limit electronics at bedtime. Be careful about television, radio and computer activities just before bed, as they may be overly stimulating. If you watch television to unwind, remember that potentially disturbing programs — such as news reports or crime shows — can make it hard to fall asleep. Have a last check-in time for email, text messages, social media and other online activities, then turn your devices off. Don’t bring your tablet, smartphone, or other electronics to bed.

If you can’t get to sleep within 20 minutes of going to bed or if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, get up and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy again. Try reading or listening to soothing music.

A ll couples disagree at times. But some disagree so often that resentment builds and they begin

to have trouble relating to each other without conflict. What’s “normal” and what’s not is often a question of degree. For example, many couples occasionally have arguments so heated that one member has to leave the room or walk around the block to cool down. But in healthy relationships, couples don’t usually have raging arguments every day, and when they do have them, they make up promptly or say “I’m sorry” afterwards.

In highly stressful relationships, couples argue much more often and the effects of the disagreements last longer. Couples may not speak to each other for days afterward, or one person may say things so hurtful that the other can’t forget them. If you think your relationship is under too much stress, you may want to talk to a therapist or another counselor who can help you evaluate your situation and find healthy ways to relieve the tension.

IS YOURRELATIONSHIPUNDER TOOMUCH STRESS?


Quick Tip: If you think your

relationship is

under too much

stress, you may

want to talk to

a therapist or

another counselor

who can help you

evaluate your

situation and find

healthy ways to

relieve the tension.

Here are some signs that you may have too much stress in your relationship.(“You” in the following questions can mean either or both of you.)

• Does every difference of opinion seem to lead to a major argument? • Do you refuse to compromise when you disagree or insist that every disagreement have

one “winner” or “loser”? • Do you often get or give the silent treatment? That is, do you simply stop talking —

about anything — in response to a conflict? • Do you feel you’re no longer giving love and guidance to one another? Do either or both

of you seem emotionally detached? • Does it seem that you’re constantly criticizing your partner’s personality or being criticized

for yours? Do you say or hear things like “You’re lazy” or “You’re selfish and spoiled,” or do you start remarks with the words “You always...” or “You never...”? →

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• Do you find yourself showing contempt for your partner? Do you face the emotional abuse of insults, name-calling or ridicule?

• Do you constantly blame your partner for problems in your relationship? Do you refuse to accept any blame for them?

• Do you often experience one or more symptoms such as insomnia, headaches, excessive worrying, lower back pain, stomachaches, exhaustion or irritability?

• Are you abusing drugs or alcohol?

If your answer to one or more of these questions is “yes,” your relationship may be under too much stress and you may benefit from outside assistance. You may find that learning new ways of communicating, even new ways of arguing, can help.

One of the best ways to cope with stress and many of the relationship issues it can create is to learn new ways of communicating — even when you’re fighting. Experts have developed some strategies for keeping disagreements fair and helping to make them productive. Here are some guidelines:

Choose your battles. Not everything is worth arguing about. Before you start an argument, ask yourself if it’s worth it. Heated conflicts over things like how your partner dries the dishes or what radio station you listen to usually aren’t worth the time and energy of an argument.

Avoid arguments altogether when either of you has been abusing alcohol or drugs. Avoid raising charged subjects at such times as well.

Stick to the subject. If you’re arguing about where to go on vacation, don’t let the subject stray to an argument about something else.

Avoid starting sentences with “You....” This can sound accusatory and tends to get people inflamed. Try to start sentences with “I” (“I don’t like it when you embarrass me in front of your friends”) or “It” (“It makes me feel terrible when you talk about my weight in front of your friends”).

Accept and acknowledge each other’s feelings, as in “I know you feel strongly about this” or “I can tell you’re angry that I didn’t call and say I’d be late.”

Try to identify the real issue, and try to be clear and specific.

Try to have a calm discussion. Try hard to listen to each other without interrupting. While your partner is speaking, try to pay attention to what is being said instead of planning what you’ll say next.

Take time to cool off if you need to.

Keep in mind that one way to resolve a conflict is by agreeing to disagree.

Be willing to compromise.

Look for areas of agreement and try to build on them.

Many forms of relationship stress can be eased with small changes in attitude or behavior. By making a commitment to reduce your relationship stress and learn to communicate, you may experience benefits not just in the near future but for the rest of your life.

How can you keep pace with all of it and preserve important relationships and a healthy work-life fit? Try these tips.Define your big goals. Know what’s important to you right now, whether it’s having dinner with your family several times a week or taking a night class that will help your career. If you identify your goals and communicate them clearly, your manager can help you find ways to achieve them and also meet your responsibilities.

Optimize your workday. Start each day with a to-do list, and check off tasks as you accomplish them. Keep your work space well-organized and uncluttered. And avoid multitasking, which reduces productivity.

Ask your manager to help you set work priorities. Talk with your manager if you seem to have more tasks than you can accomplish in the time available. All of your projects may not be equally important to your organization. Ask your manager for help with setting timelines and short- and long-term objectives. You might say, “I’m working on A, B and C right now. Can you tell me which is most important?” →

KEEPING UP IN A FAST-PACED WORK WORLD

T here’s nothing like having a high-performing boss or co-workers to make you feel motivated — and stressed if you’re lagging behind. How can you keep up in

a faced-paced work world while maintaining relationships and a good work-life fit?Working with a high-performing manager and co-workers can be exhilarating. Every day may bring new opportunities to learn from smart, talented people who are fully engaged with their jobs — and also new worries about whether you can hold your own.

Keeping up in a fast-paced work world involves unique challenges in a digital age. In the days before email and cell phones, people could kick back and recharge at home after work. “Today, technology means that we’re all available 24/7,” David Solomon, the global co-head of investment banking at Goldman Sachs, recently told The New Yorker, “And, because everyone demands instant gratification and instant connectivity, there are no boundaries, no breaks.” No matter what your job or industry, you may get work-related email, calls, and texts at home — at night, on weekends or even when you’re on vacation — after giving your best all day in the workplace.


Quick Tip:Know what’s important to

you right now, whether it’s

having dinner with your

family several times a week

or to taking a night class

that will help your career.



Show that you’re working hard and well. Give your manager frequent updates on your progress on your tasks. A quick one- or two-line email can reassure her that you’re on track toward meeting goals. If you’re working on a project with one or more co-workers, keep them up-to-date too.

Understand your organization’s expectations about after-work email. Check with your manager and co-workers about when you need to respond email that arrives at night, on weekends or when you’re on vacation. Many people don’t expect you to get back to them about work-related email until the next business day.

Roll up your sleeves at crunch times. Be willing to go the extra mile when there’s an urgent deadline or unexpected crisis at work. Your efforts will show your manager and co-workers that even if you can’t work 24/7, you understand the importance of the deadline or crisis.

Remember the benefits of having a high-performing manager and co-workers. It may feel intimidating at times to work with people who always give 110 percent — and expect you to do it, too. But the high-performers can inspire you and help you reach “stretch” goals and gain new skills. Just by observing closely how they accomplish so much, you may get ideas on how you can, too.

Sharing chores and other household responsibilities can ease family stress and give couples more

time for activities both members enjoy. And that arrangement is becoming more common. Today men do nearly a third of the housework in U.S. homes and are increasingly involved in the many other activities needed to keep a household running smoothly, including child care. But it’s still common for one member of a couple to feel burdened with what seems like an unfair share of household work. This imbalance can cause tension in a relationship. While many of the reasons for this conflict lie outside the relationship — in societal norms, for example — there are positive steps you can take to change attitudes and behavior at home. Develop a plan together to share responsibilities more fairly.

SHARINGHOUSEHOLDRESPONSIBILITIES


Quick Tips: Give your partner

a chance to learn

from mistakes.

Don’t be

discouraging by

pointing out flaws

in the work.

If you tend to be

a perfectionist,

relax your

standards a bit.

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Take stock together of where you are now. Is the division of household labor really unfair? How unfair? Make a running list of the tasks you each do and how much time is spent on them. It may help to track time spent on household tasks for a few days. Look, too, at who feels ownership for different aspects of managing the household. Taking children to the doctor or paying bills may not take much time, but feeling that you are the one who must keep track of appointments and rearrange your schedule at home or work to accommodate appointments all of the time can feel

overwhelming, just as being the one to keep track of due dates and write the checks can be. Getting this information out in the open can be revealing to both of you and can help you focus on what needs to change.

Begin to negotiate a new arrangement. How might you divide the tasks and responsibilities differently? Does it make sense for one person to manage certain tasks based on work schedules, preferences, abilities or other reasons? Might you “outsource” some tasks — buying takeout food more often, for example, or hiring someone to clean once a week? →



Can you rotate some tasks? Can you do some chores together? Sharing can take drudgery out of the routine. Different chores have different values for everyone, so tasks can’t always be divided equally.

Test your new arrangement and be open to adjustments. Once you have a plan, try it out for a week or two. Then talk again to see how it’s working. Expect some problems, and don’t be discouraged by setbacks along the way.

Ask for help. Instead of always doing chores yourself, begin to ask for help with some of them. Learn to say, “I could really use some help with . . . “ In the long run, it’s not easier and faster to “just do it yourself.”

Focus on concrete and specific tasks. Instead of making sweeping statements such as, “The house is a mess — you never do anything!” suggest specific things your partner can do to make things better, such as, “Could you get the kids to set the table?” or “Can you drive the carpool one morning a week?”

Delegate effectively. If your partner seems unsure of how to do a task, explain how you go about doing it, and why. Then back off and let him take charge of the project. Avoid micromanaging.

Recognize that people do not always approach a task in the same way. The goal is getting the work done. When someone is taking on a new chore, it may take a little while for her to learn how to handle it. Be patient and resist being critical. Expect mistakes, and forgive them. Resist the temptation to take over and do the chore yourself. In time, your partner will learn. What is important is that the chore gets done.

Show your appreciation. We are all motivated by praise and appreciation. You are asking your partner to break old habits; your recognition of this effort will help keep him or her going. Take notice of and congratulate your partner for positive changes.

Coach, don’t criticize. Always focus on what is being done right. Give your partner a chance to learn from mistakes. Don’t be discouraging by pointing out flaws in the work. If you tend to be a perfectionist, relax your standards a bit. Otherwise, it will be hard to delegate without being disappointed and feeling taken advantage of because the task wasn’t done your way.

If you have children old enough to help, enlist their support. Everyone on your team should pitch in. Make a list of age-appropriate chores and let your children choose some. Expect older children to take on certain duties as members of the family and offer an allowance incentive for other jobs. Delegate effectively by explaining the job clearly, and offer plenty of encouragement and praise.

Make it fun. Load up your music player with upbeat tunes and listen to them as you dust or vacuum. Or plan a special date to enjoy after you and your partner have finished a big chore, like washing windows.

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TEN TIPS FOR GETTING A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP TIPS FOR GETTING A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP On an average night, 30 to 40 million Americans have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Sleep