Techniques of speaking lies

8/12/2019 Techniques of speaking lies

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How toLieEdited by Josh W., Xz64, Jennire, Axiom and 168 others

Lies may come in all shapes and sizes and sometimes havea plethora of reasons behindthem, from avoiding personal harm, wishing to avoid hurting someoneor to protect them, to

actively seeking to get some form of gain from someone (material, social, or emotional). The

ethical nature of lying is not the subject of this article; rather, this article is about the steps taken

once you've hurdled your personal moral, faith, or trust issues with lying and have made a

decision to go ahead and lie.

1 Make peace with your decision to lie.Good lying means you've already crossedany moral or ethical hurdles, and justified to yourself that the lie in question is nowa necessity. A poor liar often trips up through continuing to struggle with the morality or

faith issues behind the decision to lie. Regardless of the reasons, if you want to lie

successfully, you need to reach a place of internal equilibrium where the lie is

adequately justified in your ownmind. At the same time, remember the following:

Lying is despised because it has a tendency to hurt, cause disruption, and

comes with major costs sometimes including loss of social or financial status.

And lying violates trust at both personal and societal levels, when most of us

would still like to keep striving toward being able to trust one another. Yet, it is

arguable that sometimes a lie has a place, to protect a reputation, to prevent hurt

to someone else, to ease tension, and so on, but it will always depend on the

context and extent of the lie, as well as the legality/morality of what is being lied

about.

Some people, such as sociopaths, find lying to be a breeze. Those kind of liars

are completely self-centered and without remorse, and are unlikely to ever be

considerate of another human. For most people, lies aimed at manipulating

another person will always come at great cost to you when they're uncovered.

Some people find lying almost impossible. Whether it's because they're

inflexibly ethical, have Asperger's syndrome[1]or they've just never understood

why honesty isn't always the best policy, lying is probably never going to be

something that works for such a person. Such a person may tend to confess or

even put their foot in things. However, believing in total honesty can sometimes

lose sight of the subtleties and nuancesrequired in relationships and situations

in which you're in real danger (physical or emotional) or likely to hurt someone

with the truth, so passing a general judgment on lying should be done with great

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2

care.

Lying now and then is a personal decision. However, be realistic with yourself;

using lies to avoid responsibility every time something goes wrong in your life

can lead to compulsive lying and inability to tell the difference between the need

for honestyand the need for safety - a state of mind that can ruin your life. Under

what circumstances are you willing to risk damaging relationships, reputation,

and future opportunities? Do the benefits of telling the lie outweigh the risks?

People end up in jail for lying, and worse.

Consider the probability of being detected.Before launching into your lie, ask

yourself what the chances are of being caught. Only you can answer the question

of how likely it is you'll be found out and the worthiness of lying about the matter. Things

to consider include:

Have I done this before and been caught out by the people I'm trying it on now?

If so, they're not likely to believe me now.

Were there witnesses? If you're going to tell your partner you weren't snogging a

total stranger in the corner of a party, you're running the risk that someone your

partner knows was there, too.

Do you feel confident about revising events to make a whole new story?

What are the likely reprisals if caught? Is the person likely to be forgiving or

likely to feel totally betrayed? Is it a tiny lie the person can get over, or is it

something that goes to the heart of trustin your relationship that, once broken, is

unlikely to be mended?

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Get your revision of events straight.Once you've made the decision you're going

to lie, you will need to come up with your plausible alternative to the facts. As part of

this, you need to figure out what you're going to say and what sorts of questions are likely

to be asked, so that you can have answers to those questions already sorted out in your

head.

Think of some specific true thing (place, person, event, story) that your lie will fit

into and use those details if you are questioned. This gives you a bank of

specific details to draw on so you don't have to keep making things up as you go

along.

Keep it simple. The more things you have to lie about to support your original lie,

the more likely you are to be tripped up. Lying is a bit like chess you must

always be thinking a few moves ahead. Anticipate what the person you're lying

to is going to ask, and be prepared with a response. Make sure you've thought

about who you're lying to. What do they already know? What is acceptable or

otherwise to them?

Writing out the lie can help. The act of writingcan enhance your memory of it,

and also helps you to sort out the sequence.

Use your imagination and envision the lie.In your mind, enact the lie as it

"actually happened". This will create the event in your mind for you and you'll be

"remembering" it when you begin to retell it to others. In a way, you are convincing

yourself of the revision of reality and when you retell it, it begins to sound as you're telling

the truth.

An example of this might be, "Did I wreck the car? Well, I drove it into a wall. So,

the wall wrecked the car. I just moved it!" In the immortal words of George

Costanza, "It's not a lie if you believe it's true." This works well when your

situation is quite ersatz.

Alternatively, try imagining that youweren't the person. You're somebody else, a
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whole new person who didn't wreck the car. Pretend to be that person. Convince

yourself that you're the person that didn't wreck the car.

Practice lying in front of a mirror or video camera.Observe your facial

expressions. Try making your eyes go big and letting your mouth hang open a little

for an innocent or believably shocked look. Also, practice looking like you're holding

back tears. When you smile, show your teeth a little and crinkle up your eyes and

cheeks. This is a "sincere" smile, an ear-to-ear one that covers your whole face.

Think about the details.Details can make a lot of difference between a believable

lie and an obvious load of verbal trash. Add in extra details that help to embellish

the event and make it appear more real in the retelling. For example, "I was outside

Burger King having a Whopper with John and Mary" is more believable than simply "I

was outside Burger King." (Naturally, if John and Mary aren't in on your lie, you'd need to

fill them in to cover for you.)

Do the opposite of what liars do.Entire books exist on how to spot a liar. Get hold

of one, read it, and aim to do the opposite. People in the act of telling lies tend to do

things in the extremes either they try to avoid eye contactas much as possible or theynever break eye contact. In a normal conversation your eyes will move and you will look

away to think, but otherwise you will maintain eye contact. In all likelihood, there will

always be some subtleties that a good liar spotter will notice (in the realm of criminal law

enforcement, police and l ie detectors are trained to detect differences in behavior, so

learning what they're looking for can help you) but the average person can probably be
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hoodwinked with careful attention to avoiding some of the following giveaways:

Maintain eye contact. Liars tend to look away. Appear earnest but not too eager

when looking the other person in the eye. Don't look around, but don't stare

either. In a normal conversation people do avert their glance from the other

person's eyes naturally.

Relax. Don't fidget, pick at your clothing, or shuffle your feet. Again, these are

signs of someone trying to deflect the conversation away.

Keep your hands under control. When people are lying, their hands tend to head

towards their faces to cover their mouths or fiddle wi th parts of the face or

clothing. Keep your hands relaxed. Don't touch your head with your hand, orhold your palms up. Keep your palms at your side, and leave them there.

Don't use big words unless you usually do. On the same note, if you usually

speak in contractions (or don't), keep up your usual habits. Anything unusual

about your language or tone will suggest something shifty is up.

Keep the smilingto a normal minimum. Think about smarmy people who smile

too much when wanting to get something from you; that kind of smiling alerts you

to something being up, so avoid overdoing the smiles. Definitely don't laugh or

chuckle.

Unless you're known for stuttering, don't stutter and definitely don't get flustered.

Some people blush or begin to stutter, because in some cases, the

subconscious panics. Keep calm and collected.

Bring the lie up first before you're questioned about the matter.It's better to lie

to the person in advance than to have another person question you later on the

same topic. If the victim discovers your misdeed before you explain yourself, they'll have

time to deduce what has happened with a reasonable degree of certainty before they

ever even question you, making it much harder to convince them of your innocencein thematter.

For example: Justin's roommate Zander walks in the front door. Justin, looking

up from the computer screen, is told by Zander that the dog ate his pasta, even

though Zander actually did. Justin walks into the kitchen, discovers the pasta is

gone and shrugs. However, if Zander never said anything, Justin would have

come out of the kitchen angry and assumed Zander ate his delicious mid-

morning snack, which in turn makes him angry and less receptive to anything

Zander has to say in his own defense.
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Make a truthful admission.If you sense that someone else suspects you of lying,

admit or make them suspect you of something small or untrue. They will take the

bait and think that that is all you were lying about.

If possible, combine your lie with the truth. Say your mom heard you talking on

the phone about how drunk you got last night. She confronts you about it. Of

course, you cannot completely turn around and say you didn't touch alcohol.

Instead, include some of the truth while downplaying it. If you said, "What? I

didn't drink!", say, "Yeah, mom, they had a bottle of scotch after work... I took like

one drink and I was out. It was gross."

Blame the outcome as the cause. Another way of twisting truth is to suggest that

things were badly wrong before the big wrong happened. For example, if you've

broken something, you could simply say "My goodness, I had been trying to

make that darn thing work all afternoon, right down to reading all the

accompanying manuals and sticking tape on it. And then all of a sudden, the

wretched thing just came apart in my hands. And it hurt me too!"

Add a small confession to your lie to reduce suspicion. For example, you have a

party your parents didn't authorize while they went out of town, and tell them

when they return "I'm sorry, I forgot to feed the dog last night and he ripped up

the sofa when I was out". Sometimes doing this can take care of your guilty

attitude.

Play dumb.Coming off as too stupid to lie is a great defense. Lie as badly as

you can about something small, but never actually admit to doing it. You will be

free to lie about much bigger things and never be suspected.

Fake memory loss. For example, if your mom asked you what you did at lunch

and you had been making out with the boyfriend you werent supposed to have,

instead of just saying "Uh ... nothing special," say something more like: "Uh, I
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can't remember ... stuff ... talked to some friends." This type of response sounds

like what a parent expects to get from a teenager. Try looking a little confusedas

you feign memory loss - it'll make it more believable. On the other hand, faking

amnesia of an event around a police investigator will probably only raise

suspicions and anyone who isn't satisfied with "I dunno, can't remember" is

probably liable to go ballistic and really drill you for answers. Rely on this

approach with great caution.

Avoid elaborate stories that involve the need for corroboration.The more

people needed to back up your tale, the more likely a hole will open up as soon

as one person stuffs it up or forgets their "role" in it. Equally, if something you've said can

be confirmed, such as a doctor testing for temperature, checking dates and occurrences

in records, checking your credit card transactions, etc., then you are going to find it

difficult to wriggle out of facts that are there in black and white.

Be very careful when pushing away the discussion from yourself to someoneelse. It may seem easier to lie and say that you weren't doing what the rest of the

crowd was by going into great detail about what "some people in the crowd"

were up to. This tactic of trying to make you appear more angelicthan anyone

else in the crowd can backfire very easily because all the questioner needs to

do is talk to other people who were there to find out how you were behaving at

the time. For example, your partner questions you about whether you drank too

much the night before. You describe as much of the night as you can but lie

about your own antics, talking about what everybody else got up to and say:

"Yeah, last night was okay. You should have seen Harry though! He downed 6

shots and got chucked out the bar for hitting someone!" While this might work

once or twice, if it's your standard tactic, it's likely to be viewed for the whitewash

that it is.
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Appear indifferent.Another way to wriggle your way out of an uncomfortable

situation is to act indifferent and to avoid responding defensively. Keep your

voice tone steady and don't protest too much. Act like you don't care whether or not the

person believes you. If you're really good at this, you can even make it seem that you're

disappointed by their lack of faith in you but that you're willing to be forgiving of their lack

of faith in you.

Be very careful not to make it obvious when you try to change the subject. A

person who continuously changes the subject when a topic comes up gets

noticed and puts the listener on alert. Trying to be cheerful about a totally

unrelated topic when a serious matter is going down unanswered can give the

game away that you're "trying too hard" to divert attention from the real issue at

hand. Giveaways include laughing too hard at jokes, cracking inappropriate

jokes, talking about a pet topic to try and cover up the elephant in the room, and

talking in a way that seems nervous, excited, or flippant.

Follow through.One of the real reasons why lying doesn't pay and isn't a good

means for getting through life is that you have to remember it, in all of its glory,

possibly for the rest of your life. You cannot forget about your lie, its detai ls, etc., and you

will have to go on treating it like it actually happened. Depending on the context of the lie,

staying silent about it might arouse suspicion, especially in retrospect, so you may need

to keep mentioning it in conversations the way you would if it had been true. This step

might be the one that gives you great pause.

Know when not to lie.Finally but importantly, if you're going to lie, know when

it's perfectly stupid to try and do so. There are many ethical and faith-based

reasons for not lying, and those are within your own personal realm of struggle to deal
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with. There are some other realities where you're not deciding the odds or karma and

where lying isn't going to help anything, let alone you. So, with this in mind, never lie

under these circumstances:

To officials (government, police, serious job interviews): Tell the truth unless you

fully understand and are prepared to accept the results. In the majority of

nations, lying to a police officer or in a court of law is a serious legal offense. For

your own sake, be honest about criminal activity; you may find that the penalty is

lessened or that your lawyer can find technical or legal loopholes if you are

honest from the outset. The sooner you get a lawyerand start working on your

release, the better; lying first will hold things up and can make whatever honestexplanations you do make seem dodgy.

To your doctor or lawyer: Ask them if you are speaking in the course of a

professional relationship (doctor-patient or attorney-client). If they say yes, things

you tell them are privi leged, and they cannot reveal them even to a court or to

the police. This does not hold true if your doctor/psychologistfeels you may

commit a serious offense, such as murder. Also, some other circumstances may

change your relationship with your lawyer/doctor but don't forget that a lawyer is

paid to defend you and to find "mitigating circumstances," so don't think with

your reptile brain that wants to hide; use your cerebral cortex and think smart

defenses instead.

To defraud: Never lie to people to get their money, life's savings, and other

valuables from them. Not only is this an illegal thing to do, it's a really low and

despicable a way to behave.

To an attacker: When you are being held at knife-point and having someone

demand your wallet, your life is worth more than pretending you don't have your

wallet.

To your kids. Avoid lying to your kids about family deaths or divorce. They're

going to find out sooner or later and the web of lies just makes things worse. Set

a good example for them!

To cover up for someone else: If someone else has committed a crime, let them

pay for it. Otherwise, you'll pay for it by being an accessory if you know about it

but don't tell.

When dumping someone! In all honesty, when you're breaking your partner's

heart, know that he/she might start analysing your reasoning. And, if they seem

to be suspicious of your reason, and you're caught lying to them, you reduce a

great 60-80% chance of getting your ex as a platonic friend. (This SHOULD be

read by ANYONE thinking of breaking up with someone. Honestly, lying about

breakup reasons just isn't cool! DON'T DO IT!).

Signs of a Cheating Wifewomensinfidelity.com

Find out the exact pattern women follow when they're cheating

Who loves you ?

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Add your own methodName your method

Add your steps using an ordered list. For example:

1. Step one

2. Step two

3. Step three
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Attempting to look confused when you're told the information can come across as

looking evasive or guilty. Be very careful with this emotion!

If you make the lie so complicated you get confused, you're going to get tripped up.

Saying something like: "John took the book from me, then Tom took it from him then

gave it to Anna who gave it back to me then you gave it to John again because he

said it was his but it's mine (but it is really John's)" sounds like a muddle and smellslike a lie.

When bringing someone else into a lie, use their name if you are suggesting you

know them, as you'll only get asked who the person was. If it is plausibly a homeless

guy or the door-to-door salesman, then you can probably leave out names, but not

when it concerns people you were supposedly hanging out or working with.

Your lie needs to stay the same no matter who you talk to. Think about the gravity of

that.

Consider writing down the lie somewhere if you're forgetful, for a refresher. Realize

that doing this can leave you open to being discovered. If it's really bad, have it held

by a lawyer in an envelope, to be opened on your death.

If you lie to go along with a lot of pressure from everyone around you who wants to

believe it's true, you can come to believe it and live in denial. This can really bite you if

the lie is about something real that you can't change, like whether your boss is

embezzling, living in the closet about anything, whether your disabilities are real or all

in your mind, covering up for an abuser who will do it again and escalate it. Denial

comes in many forms and if you lie to go along with the group you can wind up

believing the lie in ways that damage you and everyone else.

Don't put in too much detail. Study shows, that a tell-tale sign that someone is lying is

when they give too much detail.

Don't confuse privacy with a need to lie. If you don't want to tell people what you're

doing, then, don't. Simply tell them it is none of their business in as polite a way as

possible and get on with your day. Be assertive, not furtive.

Be aware that it's easy to slip up and say something that you'd only know if you were

lying; your listener will quickly pounce on that. For example, if you said "I didn't take

those oranges" when the person had simply said, "Someone stole my fruit", then

saying "oranges" makes it clear that you knew at the very least what had been taken,

which sort of impl ies you took them. Sometimes our smarts just aren't smart enough to

keep up.

Effective liars can be good people readers and can lead people to both say and think

what the liar wants. For example, how is it that some people are so successful at

wheedling money out of trusting souls to invest in schemes that fail dramatically? It isoften because these liars are good people readers who tend to tell people what they

want to hear by picking up on the clues the people asking questions give out. While it

is morally reprehensible and illegal to take money from people under false pretenses,

it is important to note that such "fortune tellers" tend to convince themselves that

they're telling truths ("while I am not running a wealthy company right now, I will be

soon") and it is this self-conviction, coupled with the gullibility and willingness of the

listener to hear what they'd rather hear, that allows the lie to succeed.

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11/12

PaarKommunikationdietrich-abt.de

11.-13. Juli 2014 Das Seminar fr gelungene Paarkommunikation

Why Men Pull Away

Spanische Kartoffelchips

Once a liar, always a liar is a common feeling for many. Mud sticks and is hard to

remove.

Once a few lies feel easy, a few more feel even easier. Not starting is often the best

way of not falling into what is essentially a very bad habit that lets you off the hook of

owning up to your own mistakes and being self-responsible.

When telling a lie to a loved person or someone you admire and trust, take into

consideration that sometime in the future you may feel guilty. This feeling may be

permanent, and if you ever confess the truth, you may find out that it would have been

better to never have lied in the first place.

It is the ego that often lets the lie out of the bag, the stroking self-satisfaction at having

pulled off such a good lie.

Your lie may cause you stress, guilt, or make you feel like a bad person. Keep this in

mind and remember that it will always be in the back of your mind. It may weigh you

down. Now decide if it i s worth lying at all.

How to

Lie Like an Expert

How to

Tell a Lie Without

Being Caught

How to

Confess to Lying

How to

Know if Someone

Is Lying in a Text

How to

Make a Lie Sound

Convincing

How to

Cheat a

Polygraph Test

(Lie Detector)

How to

Detect Lies

Partial source of article, Howcast, How to lie and get away with it,

http://www.howcast.com/videos/1616-How-To-Lie-and-Get-Away-With-It. Shared with

permission.

1. -http://www.aspergermanagement.com/honesty-integrity

Warnings

Related wikiHows

Sources and Citations
http://www.aspergermanagement.com/honesty-integrityhttp://www.howcast.com/videos/1616-How-To-Lie-and-Get-Away-With-Ithttp://localhost/var/www/apps/conversion/tmp/scratch_6/Detect-Lieshttp://localhost/var/www/apps/conversion/tmp/scratch_6/Cheat-a-Polygraph-Test-(Lie-Detector)http://localhost/var/www/apps/conversion/tmp/scratch_6/Make-a-Lie-Sound-Convincinghttp://localhost/var/www/apps/conversion/tmp/scratch_6/Know-if-Someone-Is-Lying-in-a-Texthttp://localhost/var/www/apps/conversion/tmp/scratch_6/Confess-to-Lyinghttp://localhost/var/www/apps/conversion/tmp/scratch_6/Tell-a-Lie-Without-Being-Caughthttp://localhost/var/www/apps/conversion/tmp/scratch_6/Lie-Like-an-Expert


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