ALESof the

PECLJLIAR

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Svltonrcasr Punllcelrors

Foreword . "r,

The Splendid Cannihals . 1The Fork-Tongued Princess . 19

The First\&rhryne . 33

?he Woman WhEr Befriendeci Ghosts . 55

Cocohroia . 67

The Figeons of, Saint Paul's . 89

The Girl Who CoulC Tame Nightmares . 97

The Locust . 119The Eoi. Who Could Hold Back tire Sea . t3S

T'he Tale of Cuthbert . 155

TAttS *r trre pnilUtlAR

Tlte oSplen,

he pecu-Liars in rmodestlr-. Theroul fancr- thirtg,reeds. thev u-ere I

: . ,: ;:;c' L,,-,unri{irllv il their gad:r: :r::- :j'err humble homes see.: :,r::,:,::ruck g-as so fair. zurdw ,-{. :::: :la_nr-. after a long dar- o:nr:: -:. -:.i-f S\r?nIpS.

i{=:-test uas their far-onte rit--{:'' l:::-ircd the best tr-eeds that:,,:..- =,i ::rcm onto don_lier- carts.

: '.:- : Ciripprng \\hippet. a fir.e.r, *iciiit u-ork. The s\i,aJnp\\-.-- - r,:iser-s q-ere ill-tempered ar:,:::,: '*-dr holes and plagued br{- :-- i::-:-i. such as s-hen Farmer Pr

-"-:" .:r:denmllr- so-thed off hi_s n

[.ilt./'.{.IIiI

Vfu e rSp {endid Cayani&afs

he peculiars in the village of Swampmuck lived verymodestly. They were farmers, and though they didn't

own fancy things and lived in flimsy houses made of

reeds, they were healthy andjoyful and wanted for little.

Food grew bountifully in their gardens, clean water ran in the streams,

and even their humble homes seemed like luxuries because the weather

in Srvampmuck was so fair, and the villagers were so devoted to theirn-ork that many, after a long day of mucking, would simply lie down and

.leep in their swamps.

Harvest was their favorite time of year. Working round the clock,

ther- gathered the best weeds that had grown in the swamp that season,

bundled them onto donkey carts, and drove their bounty to the market

to*rr of Chipping Whippet, a five days'ride, to sell what they could. Itnas difficult work. The swampweed was rough and tore their hands.The donkeys were ill-tempered and apt to bite. The road to market was

pitted with holes and plagued by thieves. There were often grievousaccidents, such as when Farmer Pullman, in a fit of overzealous harvest-

ing, accidentally scythed off his neighbor's leg. The neighbor, Farmer

TAI-ES of i.hc PLaCULiAR

Ha1'worth, was understandably upset, but the villagers were such agree-

able people that all was soon forgiven. The money they earned at market

was paltry but enough to buy necessities and some rations of goat-rump

besides, and with that rare treat as their centerpiece they threw a rau-

cous festival that went on for days.

That very year, just after the festival had ended and the villagers

were about to return to their toil in the swamps, three visitors arrived.

Swampmuck rarely had visitors of any kind, as it was not the sort of

place people wanted to visit, and it had certainly never had visitors like

these: two men and a lady dressed head to toe in lush brocaded silk,

riding on the backs of three fine Arabian horses. But though the visitors

were obviously rich, they looked emaciated and swayed weakly in their

bejeweled saddles.

The villagers gathered around them curiously, marveling at their

beautiful clothes and horses.

"Don't get too close!" Farmer Sally warned. "They look as if they

might be sick."

"We're on a journey to the coast of Meekr" I explained one of the

visitors, a man who seemed to be the only one strong enough to speak.

"We were accosted by bandits some weeks ago and, though we were

able to outrun them, we got badly lost. We've been turning circles ever

since,looking for the old Roman Road."

"You're nowhere near the Roman Roadr" said Farmer Sally.

"Or the coast of Meek," said Farmer Pullman.

"How far is itP" the visitor asked.

"Six days'rider" answered Farmer Sally.

i. .!n historic zcine of ei:;itre ihor.rgirt tc lie soirieurllo;:c or.iihin nlociern-clav Cornwa]l"

* ,\ - -i ner-er malie it.,r the na

-r-: -..:r. rhe silk-robed ladr .:- ---.:.

.:-t rri]aoers. mor-ed to com--.*::::. :r'_,ught the fallen lach- a

-:: Tler- \\-ere gir-en n-ater anrr.- - : .._zrn \illagers crou-ded ar,tr

*r--r't lhem spacel' sard Fa__* ic:t_

*li . ,:-er need a doctor!'' _.air-,',=

":en't sick.', the mal sd- :_- . t-eek ago. and tr-e ha.r,en.

:.:::-.r Sallr g-ondered rr-hr-t* -. : : ,,,d fton fellotr-trar-elers

.:r" l:"-iirad. she ordered some" r' -.r_:n-eed soup and mi-liet br:: ', :: I,rnt the festir-al-but ri he

- - -.: - -:-c tirod an-ar-.

*- ,:, ,11'1 mean to be rude.., saic-l s:,r,lr'it's a humble spread..-

' ' .-, rid ro feasts fit for kings. bLrr i'"1: r,.n't that." the man said. ..C

:. "-".s sulpll- can't process them. -\---. :i.ke us x'eaker.tt

The rillagers were confilsed. ,.1

r-'--jl-.]-r." asked Farmer Pullma'. ..d

"People." the man replied.

Er-e n-one in the small house t,rr

"'";:e such agree-

: -.rre d at market

::_i,:rf goat-rump

--.',- threw a rau-

:srr,".: ::-d fie villagers

hr*- '"iitors arrived.

iw r e:-i :t,,rt the sort of

1n'' :: ::d lisitors like

n '-.:- brocaded siik,3nu. :-,--irh the visitors

:--'r-eling at their

.::: .Lned one of the,:-1 ::rr-ru$h to speak.

L.:-. 'rrlugh we were

,--j:--:.r circles ever

, r rivail "

T1{E S P I_ti.,t Di [] CA t"{ t{ t Bl,LS

"We'll never make it," the man said darkly.

At that, the silk-robed lady slumped in her saddle and fell to the

{round.

The villagers, moved to compassion despite their concerns about

disease, brought the fallen lady and her companions into the nearest

house. They were given water and made comfortable in beds of straw,

and a dozen villagers crowded around them offering help.

"Give them space!" said Farmer Pullman. "They're exhausted;

thev need rest!"

"No, they need a doctor!" said Farmer Sally.

"We aren't sick," the man said. "We're hungry. Our supplies ran

t:rut orrer a week ago, and we haven't had a bite to eat since then."

Farmer Sally wondered why such wealthy people hadn't simply

bought food from fellow travelers on the road, but she was too polite

ro ask. Instead, she ordered some village boys to run and fetch bowls

of swampweed soup and millet bread and what little goat-rump was

left over from the festival-but when it was laid before the visitors, they

rurned the food away.ttl don't mean to be ruder" said the man, ttbut we can't eat this."

"I know it's a humble spread," said Farmer Sally, "and you're prob-

ably used to feasts fit for kings, but it's all we have."

"It isn't thatr" the man said. "Grains, vegetables, animal meat-ourbodies simply can't process them. And ifwe force ourselves to eat, it will

only make us weaker."

The villagers were confused. "Ifyou can)t eatgrains, vegetables, oranimals," asked Farmer Pullman, "then what canyou eat?"

"People," the man replied.

Everyone in the small house took a step back from the visitors.

T4L,i5 n:ii trr {, {''E{: ljLIAi,t

"You mean to tell us you're , , . cannibals?" said Farmer Ha1'worth.

"By nature, not by choice," the man replied. "But, yes."

He went on to reassure the shocked villagers that they were civilized

cannibals and never killed innocent people. They, and others like them,

had worked out an arrangement with the king by which they agreed

never to kidnap and eat people against their will, and in turn they were

allowed to purchase, at terrific expense, the severed limbs of accident

victims and the bodies of hanged criminals. This composed the entirety

of their diet. They were now on their way to the coast of Meek because

it was the place in Britain that boasted both the highest rate of accidents

and the most deaths by hanging, and so food was relatively abundant-if

not exactly plentiful.

Even though cannibals in those days were wealthy, they nearly al-

ways went hungry; firmly law-abiding, they were doomed to live lives

of perpetual undernourishment, forever tormented by an appetite they

could rarely satisfy. And it seemed that the cannibals who had arrived

in Swampmuck, already starving and many days from Meek, were now

doomed to die.

Having learned all this, the people of any other village, peculiar or

otherwise, would have shrugged their shoulders and let the cannibals

starve. But the Swampmuckians were compassionate almost to a fault,

and so no one was surprised when Farmer Ha1-worth took a step for-

ward, hobbling on crutches, and said, "Itjust so happens that I lost my

leg in an accident a few days ago. I tossed it into the swamp, but I'm sure

I could find it again, if the eels haven't eaten it yet."

The cannibals' eyes brightened.

"You would do that?" the cannibal woman said, brushing long hair

back from a skeletal cheek.

-- .:::-': rr ieels a litile srar!

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J.:ler Hayworth.

- -,:\' \\'ere civilized

l'w* -:,ierslikethem,

Mq : ':-;h they agreedmll -: : -:- mm they were

it!: li: - -,::r.bs of accident-!!! :-":. std the entirety

-.r.lrr r,:i , : \leek because

,,. abundant-if

r!&rr:J,r-: -,.;no had arrived

!ills , : ,- \feek. were now

,-" .: ^-*rge. peculiar or*--- -. -e t the cannibals

,,:: -lttost to a fault,**,'; :::- ir-rok a step for-

" '-:;::rs that I lost mY- :- r :lllP. but I'm sure

'l {-{ t s Pi_l:h :nI li iAid}, IE;!i tr_5

"I admit it feels a little strange," Hayworth said, ,,but we can,tjust-et r-ou die."

The other villagers agreed. Hayworth hobbled to the swamp and:,-,r-rnd his leg, fought offthe eels that were nibbling at it, and brought it:,-, the cannibals on a platter.

One of the cannibal men handed Hayworth a purse of money.

"What's this?" asked Hayworth.

"Payment," the cannibal man said. "The same amount the king::,argeS US."

"I can't accept this," said Hal.worth, but when he tried to re turn the

j-,irse. the cannibal put his hands behind his back and smiled.

"It's only fairr" the cannibal said. "You've saved our liveslr,

The villagers turned away politely as the cannibals began to eat.

:"rmer Ha1'worth opened the purse, looked inside, and turned a bit: .ie. It was more money than he'd ever seen in his life.

The cannibals spent the next few days eating and recovering their

.:ength, and when they were finally ready to set offagain for the coast

: \Ieek-this time with good directions-the villagers all gathered to',''-r,.h them good-bye. When the cannibals saw Farmer Hay'worth, they

:- ,riced he was walking without the aid of crutches.

"I don't understand!" said one of the cannibal men, astounded. ,,I

-:l,:tuo'ht we ate your leg!"

"You did!" said Hayworth. "But when the peculiars of Swamp-::'uck lose their limbs, they grow them back again.r,2

.:i ii'ils :L ijrirc- :r I'er:i.ai;i tro13,-al-r 1l*lr:-;lr: rtr.;,, ,'..!lcn pcir:iiiars coulll lilre-r- iiiri{ici)ei.i;irill itr fhr o1-rcn,.,r,itirti:-ii l,;l:r rii'persellriioti. Pecu]iars oI tiir::.'r iiii'iiitti l.iirrnlsrivts irrh; !ycgl;s; rca:6rlii1g tg tlrtir alriii.r-r," a p-r.acticc ncyr:ii ir,'ol:is ii ,.lrrr-l,rr.li;rilcs iri,]ralisrt alri iiriel-::er-'raliar hc;iiiitr,.

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