Take Responsibility for the Drama Caused by Your OwnExpectations

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Several years ago, I almost started dating a man who both intrigued and f rustrated me. For all of our sharedinterests, including our perspective of the way the universe works, we struggled to communicate. Sure, youcould blame it on his Leo-ness clashing with my Taurus-ness, and you wouldn’t be too f ar of f . Somethingabout the way he condescendingly spoke to me just annoyed me until I wanted to punch him in the f ace.

But, I was still drawn to him. I saw this clandestine connection as an opportunity f or me to grow, as he was thef irst male I had met (and been attracted to) who could teach me f rom a metaphysical perspective.

One evening, I had been meditating and I caught a glimpse of myself in a block of ice. A wise woman (who of tenshows up to give me guidance) specif ically instructed me that it was time to let the ice melt, and I understoodthat I had been protecting my heart, perhaps a bit too f iercely. I was unwilling to be vulnerable to a point that Icould let this new f riend of mine get very close to me.

I f inally understood what he’d been less than eloquently saying to me. Aha! Light bulb moment!

I was so excited to call him and share this insight, and I was certain that he’d be impressed with my ability tof ind answers to my own issues, and not only receive guidance f rom my spiritual team, but also heed thatguidance. I assumed this would lead to an excellent conversation and we would grow closer because of thisexperience.

But, I was wrong.

My Expectations Kicked My A$$

I was stunned when he dismissed me matter-of - f actly.

My ego took a bit of a hit and I f ound myself wondering if maybe he just hadn’t heard me. So I repeatedmyself … this t ime with a bit more emphasis. When he dismissed me again, I blurted out, “Did you even hearwhat I said?”

“Yes, I heard you. It ’s just not that interesting to me. What you’re going through is old school f or me.”

Mr. “Holier- than-thou-and-I’m-not-af raid-to-tell-you” hurt myf eelings with his abrupt response. When I got up the courage toexpress that my f eelings were hurt, he said, “I didn’t hurt yourf eelings, you did. You wanted a certain response f rom me, andwhen you didn’t get it, you got angry with me. But that’s yourdeal, not mine. Look at your own expectations.”

At the time, I was FURIOUS.

How dare he not take responsibility for his behavior towardme?

How did he not recognize the signif icance of my newinsights?

How could he dismiss me so quickly?

How did he not care about my feelings?

Lessons Learned

It probably won’t surprise you to learn that we didn’t end up spending much time together. We both wanted to,but there was just something about our particular combination of energies that did not work harmoniouslytogether.

It took me awhile to f igure out that he was right… as painf ul as it was f or me to admit… He was right: I wasupset because he hadn’t responded the way I expected him to.

I didn’t realize this with clarity until I was working with a client and I f ound myself giving her the same lecturethat this “almost boyf riend” had given me.

I heard these words come out of my mouth, “This emotional drama that you are feeling is directly relatedto how you perceive that he failed to meet your expectations. Let’s be honest, what was your motivationand why wasn’t his genuine reaction enough f or you?”

There’s an important lesson to be learned here - We must be mindf ul of our motivations and our expectationswhen we are dealing with others. Consider this: the majority of your emotional drama can be cleared up whenyou are willing to take responsibility f or your own reactions.

Have you ever dealt with someone who was particularly dif f icult f or you? What part of the dif f iculty wasyours?

Have you been upset at someone f or f ailing to meet your expectations? Or vice versa?

I look forward to a discussion on expectations. Leave a comment below!

With mucho a latte of love and respect,

Your Transformation Tour Guide expectations

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About the Author: Janet Louise StephensonJanet Louise Stephenson is the visionary behind Butterf ly Maiden, a project dedicated topersonal transf ormation. Af ter a lif etime hiding behind a mask of other people’sexpectations, Janet f ound the courage to quit hiding. Through the process of self -discovery she developed the conf idence to embrace her own potential and now of f ersguidance to others who are ready to reveal their true colors.As a Transf ormation Tour Guide, Janet encourages and supports those who are bravelystarting their own journey.

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