Inspirited minds presents

Supporting a Friend with Mental Illness:

A very small guide

About Us

InspiritedMindsisaregisteredUKCharitydeliveringsupporttoMuslimssufferingfromavarietyofmentalhealthissues.WeprovidecriticalsupportthathelpsbothMuslimandnon-Muslimclientelealike,recognisingcultural,spiritualandIslamicneeds.Weaimtosupportpeoplethroughtheirneeds,toactivelyraiseawarenessofavarietyofissuesamongcommunities,aswellastoconductresearchonthegroundtofurtherourunderstanding.Inordertoachievethis,ourOutreachTeamworkstocreateavarietyofeventsandworkshops,collaboratingwithavarietyoforganisationsandteamstomeettheseneeds.InspiritedMindshaspreviouslypartneredwithorganisations,suchasMuslimDoctorsAssociationandMind.

Empathy & Friendship Oneoftheproblemsfacedbymanysufferingfrommentalhealthissuesisisolation.Thisisahugecontributingfactortomentalhealthissues,ifnotoneoftheleadingfactors.Infact,communitysupportandhavingsomeonetotalktocanhelptoalleviatemanyproblems,notevenwithanaimtosolvethem,buttoproviderelief.Thesaying‘aproblemsharedisaproblemhalved’isfittinginthiscontext,toshowthatoneoftheuniqueblessingsoftheMuslimcommunityisthatweasMuslimsshouldhaveourUmmah,andunityinordertoshareourproblemsandsupporteachotherthroughthis.Theproblemisthatmanyofourcommunitiesmaynothaveanunderstandingofmentalhealthissues,maynotbeawareofhowprevalenttheyare,oritcouldsimplybeacaseofnotknowingwhattosay,howtosayit,orwhentosayit!WeknowtheimportanceofBrotherhood/SisterhoodinIslam,whichcanbeshownthroughnumeroushadithoutliningthisclearly:

“Noneofyouwillbelieveuntilyouloveforyourbrotherwhatyouloveforyourself”&

"Thebelieversintheirmutualkindness,compassionandsympathyarejustlikeonebody.Whenoneofthelimbssuffers,thewholebodyrespondstoitwithwakefulnessandfever"

(Bukhari&Muslim)

Thesehadithhaveafar-reachingimpact,andifweasacommunitywereimplementingitasfullyasweshouldbe,wouldhelpustogrowfurtherinoursupportofeachother.Oneofthewayswecanimprovethisisthroughequippingourselvestodealwithnotonlyhardshipswecansee,butalsothosewecannot(suchasmentalhealthissues,stress,isolation,etc.)We,atInspiritedMinds,hopeandpraythisbookletprovidesbenefittoyouinshaAllah.Tofindoutmoreabouttheworkwedo,pleasevisit:inspiritedminds.org.uk.

How can I help someone?

Supportive friends can play an important role in themental health recovery process. All toooften, peoplerespond negatively or dismissively when someonedisclosesthathe/shehasamentalhealthdisorder.Itisimportant to remember that mental health disordersare just as real asphysical illnesses and that apersoncannot just “snapoutof it.” If youareunsurehow toreactwhen a friend tells you that he/she is strugglingwithamentalhealthdisorder,itcanbehelpfultothinkabouthowyouwouldreactifthatsamefriendtoldyouthat he/she had been diagnosed with a physicaldisorderlikediabetes.Belowaresometipsabouthowyoumaywanttorespondifafriendtellsyouthathe/shehasamentalhealthdisorder:Showyoursupport.Expressyourconcernandsympathy,talkopenlyandmakesurethatyourfriendknowsthathe/sheisnotalone.Themostimportantthingyoucandoisjustoffertobeavailable.Besuretododailyadhkar(dailysupplications)inthemorningandevening–toprotectyourself.Encourageyourfriendtodothistoo.Thesecanbefoundeasilyonline,inYouTubevideosandmobileappswithhelpfulreminders.

Listen.Ifyourfriendtalksabouttheirmentalhealthdiagnosis,don’tchangethesubject.Resistthetemptationtogiveadviceordismisstheirconcerns.Ifyourfrienddisclosespersonalinformation,keephis/hertrustbynotsharingtheinformationwithothers.Askwhatyoucandotohelp.Youcanleavethisopen-ended(“IwanttoknowhowIcanhelpyou.”)orsuggestspecifictasksthatmightbehelpful(“CanIdriveyoutoyourappointment?”).IfyouknowthatyourfriendisstrugglingatUniversity,itcanbehelpfuljusttooffertostudywithhim/her.

How do I approach someone?

Askifyourfriendisgettingthetreatmentthatshe/hewantsandneeds.Ifnot,offertofindoutaboutavailableresourcesandhelpyourfriendfindeffectivecare.Seekadvicefromsomeoneofknowledge.Neverbeafraidtoadmitwhenyoudon’tknowsomething,oritisn’tinyourremit–itisbettertosimplysay‘Idon’tknow’thentoleadsomeoneinadirectionthatcancauseunintendedharm

Reassureyourfriendthatyoustillcareabouthim/her.Manypeoplewithmentalhealthdisorderstendtowithdrawfromfamilyandfriends.Continuetoinviteyourfriendtogotodinner,study,talk,orjusthangout.Educateyourselfaboutyourfriend’sdisorder.Thiscanhelpyoutoknowwhattoexpect.Supportyourfriend’shealthybehaviours.Certainstrategies,suchasgettingenoughsleep,eatinghealthyandexercisingcanbehelpfulwhenmanagingone’smentalhealth.Takecareofyourself.Itcanbestressfulandsometimesoverwhelmingtotakeonthecareofafriend.Makesurenottogetsoinvolvedthatyouforgettotakecareofyourself.Taketimeoutforyourself.Maketimetodosomethingyoufindrelaxing.

• Givethepersonopportunitiestotalk.Itcanbehelpfultoletthepersonchoosewhentoopenup.Iftheydon’tinitiateaconversationabouthowthey’refeeling,youshouldsaysomethingtothem.Speakhonestlyaboutyourconcerns.

• Chooseasuitabletimetotalkinaspaceyoubothfeelcomfortablewheretherewillbenointerruptions.

• Use‘I’statementssuchas‘Ihavenoticed....andfeelconcerned’ratherthan‘you’statements.

• Letthepersonknowyou’reconcernedaboutthemandarewillingtohelp.

• Respecthowthepersoninterpretstheirsymptoms.

What helps?

What doesn’t help?

• Treatthepersonwithrespectanddignity• Don’tblamethepersonfortheirillness• Offerconsistentemotionalsupportandunderstanding• Encouragethepersontotalktoyou• Beagoodlistener• Givethepersonhopeforrecovery

Ifthepersonwouldlikeinformation,makesuretheresourcesyouprovideareaccurateandappropriatetotheirsituation.

• Tellingthemto‘snapoutofit’or‘getoverit’• Beinghostileorsarcastic• Beingover-involvedorover-protective• Nagging• Trivialisingaperson’sexperiencebypressuringthemto‘putasmileontheirface,’to

‘gettheiracttogether’etc.,• Belittlingordismissingtheperson’sfeelingsbysayingthingslike‘youdon’tseemthat

badtome.’• Speakinginapatronizingtoneofvoice

Offering emotional support

Ifsomeoneletsyouknowthattheyareexperiencingdifficultthoughtsandfeelings,it'scommontofeellikeyoudon’tknowwhattodoorsay–butyoudon'tneedanyspecialtrainingtoshowsomeoneyoucareaboutthem,andoftenitcanbethemostvaluablehelpyoucanoffer.

• Makeduaforyourfriend.Theimportanceofduacannotbeunderestimated–itisaweaponforbelieversthatwetendtooverlook.Encourageyourfriendtomakespecificduatoo.

• Offerreassurance.Seekinghelpcanfeellonely.Youcanreassuresomeonebylettingthemknowthattheyarenotalone,andthatyou’llbetheretohelp.

• Staycalm.Eventhoughitmightbeupsettingtohearthatsomeoneyoucareaboutisdistressed,trytostaycalm.Thiswillhelpyourfriendorfamilymemberfeelcalmertoo,andshowthemthattheycantalktoyouopenlywithoutupsettingyou.

• Bepatient.Youmightwanttoknowmoredetailsabouttheirthoughtsandfeelings,orwantthemtogethelpimmediately.Butit’simportanttoletthemsetthepaceforseekingsupportthemselves.

• EncourageyourfriendtostrengthentheirconnectionwithAllahandtheQur’anwithyou.Sometimeswegiveadvicethatismeantwell,butusingfaithasareasonforissuescanoftenpushpeopleaway.Encouragingthemtoengageinactsofworshipwithyouwillmakeiteasierbothforthemandforyou.

• HaveTawwakul.PutyourtrustinAllah(swt)-whilstyoumaynotbeabletosolveyourfriend’sproblems–Hecan.HeisAll-Knowingandhasaplanforyourfriendinawaythatwecan’tsee.

Keepsocialcontact.Partoftheemotionalsupportyouoffercouldbetokeepthingsasnormalaspossible.Thiscouldincludeinvolvingyourfriendorfamilymemberinsocialevents,orchattingaboutotherpartsofyourlives.

Offering practical support

Therearelotsofpracticalthingsyoucandotosupportsomeonewhoisreadytoseekhelp.

• Lookforinformationthatmightbehelpful.Whensomeoneisseekinghelptheymayfeelworriedaboutmakingtherightchoice,orfeelthattheyhavenocontrolovertheirsituation.

• Helptowritedownlistsofquestionsthatthepersonyou’resupportingwantstoasktheirdoctor,orhelptoputpointsintoanorderthatmakessense(forexample,mostimportantpointfirst).

• Helptoorganisepaperwork,forexamplemakingsurethatyourfriendorfamilymemberhassomewheresafetokeeptheirnotes,prescriptionsandrecordsofappointments.

• Gotoappointmentswiththem,iftheywantyouto–evenjustbeingthereinthewaitingroomcanhelpsomeonefeelreassured.

• Askthemifthereareanyspecificpracticaltasksyoucouldhelpwith,andworkonthose.Forexample,thiscouldinclude:offeringalifttotheirappointment,helpingthemstudy.

• Learnmoreabouttheproblemtheyexperience,tohelpyouthinkaboutotherwaysyoucouldsupportthem.

NarratedbytheProphet(salAllahualayhiwasallam)inSaheehBukhari.

اللھم إني أعوذ بك من الھم والحزن، والعجز والكسل والبخل والجبن، جال وضلع ین وغلبة الر الد

Allahummainnia'udhubikaminal-hammiwal-Ḥuzniwal-'ajaziwal-kasliwal-bukhliwal-jubniwa

ḍalaEid-dayniwaghalabatir-rijal.

OAllah,ItakerefugeinYoufromanxietyandsorrow,weaknessandlaziness,miserlinessandcowardice,theburdenofdebtsandfrombeingoverpoweredbymen.

NarratedbytheProphet(salAllahualayhiwasallam)asoneofthe“Da'waatalMakroob“,thesupplicationsofthedistressed.

طرفة عین وأصلح لي شأني اللھم رحمتك أرجو فال تكلني إلى نفسي كلھ ال إلھ إال أنت

Allahummarahmatakaarjufalatakilniilanafsitarfata'ayninwaaslihlisha'nikullahulailahaila

anta.

OAllah,itisYourmercythatIhopefor,sodonotleavemeinchargeofmyaffairsevenforablinkofaneye,andrectifyformeallofmyaffairs.Nonehastherighttobeworshipedexcept

You.

Brief Duas

Seeking professional help

What if the person doesn’t want help?

• Askthepersoniftheyneedhelptomanagehowtheyarefeeling.

• Itisimportanttobecomefamiliarisedwithservicesavailablelocallyandonline.

• Iftheyfeeltheydoneedhelp,discusstheoptionstheyhaveforseekinghelpandencouragethemtousethoseoptions.

• EncouragethemtoseetheirGPisagoodplacetostart.

Youshouldfindoutifthereareanyspecificreasonswhytheydonotwanttoseekhelp.Theymaybebasedonmistakenbeliefs.Youmaybeablehelpthepersonovercometheirworryaboutseekinghelp.Ifthepersonstilldoesn’twanthelpafteryou’veexploredtheirreasons,letthemknowthatiftheychangetheirmindinthefuturetheycancontactyou.

Youmustrespecttheperson’srightnottoseekhelpunlessyoubelievetheyareatriskofharmingthemselvesorothers.Youcanalso:

§ Bepatient.Youwon’talwaysknowthefullstory,andtheremaybereasonswhytheyarefindingitdifficulttoaskforhelp.

§ Offeremotionalsupportandreassurance.Letthemknowyoucareaboutthemandyou’llbethereiftheychangetheirmind.

§ Informthemhowtoseekhelpwhenthey’reready.

§ Lookafteryourself.Makesureyoudon’tbecomeunwell.

What if the person is suicidal?

What can I do if it’s an emergency?

Suicidecanbeprevented.Mostsuicidalpeopledonotwanttodie.Theysimplydonotwanttolivewiththepain.Itisimportanttotakesuicidalthoughtsandbehavioursseriously.

• Openlytalkingaboutsuicidalthoughtsandfeelingscansavealife.• Itisimportantthatyouknowthewarningsignsandriskfactorsforsuicide,andthe

reasonswhyapersonmighthavethoughtsofsuicide.

Therearethreekeyactionstohelpingapersonwhoissuicidal:1 Ifyouthinksomeonemaybesuicidal,askthemdirectly.2 Iftheysayyes,donotleavethemalone.3 Linkthemwithprofessionalhelp.

Theremaybetimeswhenyourfriendneedstoseekhelpmoreurgently,suchasifthey:• areexperiencingsuicidalfeelings,andfeeltheymayactonthem• arebehavinginawaythat'sputtingthemselvesorsomeoneelseatimmediate,serious

riskofharmTogethelp,dooneofthefollowing:

• Makeanemergencyappointmentwithyourdoctor,orcallyourdoctor’ssurgeryout-hoursserviceiftheemergencyisatnightortheweekend.

• Callyourmentalhealthworkerifyouhaveone.• Gototheaccidentandemergencydepartmentatyourlocalhospital.• Ifthereisimmediatedanger,call999.

Useful Contacts

InspiritedMinds

Email:info@inspiritedminds.org.uk

Website:inspiritedminds.org.uk

MuslimYouthHelpline

Telephone:08088082008

Samaritans

Telephone:116123

Website:samaritans.org

MindInfoline

Telephone:03001233393

Email:info@mind.org.uk

Website:mind.org.uk/information-support

RethinkMentalIllnessAdviceLine

Telephone:03005000927

Email:info@rethink.org

Website:rethink.org/about-us/our-mental-health-advice

Lifeline

Telephone:08088088000

Website:nidirect.gov.uk/contacts/contacts-az/lifeline

W: www.inspiritedminds.org,uk E: info@inspiritedminds.org.uk

Created by

Ujala Ilyas & Zahra samih (im outreach team)