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S. Eliot begins his poem “The Waste Land” with theline “April is the cruelest month.” Spring is a time ofrenewal and rebirth; the land is coming back to life.
Flowers bloom and the singing of birds fills the air. The temperatures are rising, the sun is more present,and everywhere you look you see bursts ofcolor from blossoms on the trees.While winter may be more of adifficult season for someone ingrief, at least the external circumstances mirror theinternal feelings. With thecoming of spring, it is muchmore of a contrast.
On the other hand, the arrival ofspring may offer a sense of hope. Thenatural cycle of the transition from winter tospring can signal the possibility for change in grief aswell. This change can be subtle, such as a shift over time ofhaving one good day in the midst of many bad days. A personmay have a little more energy to accomplish a task that in theearly days of grief could have seemed nearly impossible. There may be the ability to laugh when before even smilingwas difficult. Reflecting on their journey, people have said to me, “I feel like I’m in a different place now with my grief.”
In the early days and weeks after the loss of a loved one, life can seem like “going through the motions.” Some of mygroup members have told me it felt like it was all a blur orthey have little memory of the first days and weeks of grief.It can be like having the wind knocked out of you and
struggling to breathe, struggling to survive.Often there is the fear that this will be apermanent state, that it will alwaysfeel this way.
In my role as a grief counselor, I sometimes say to those I haveworked with that a part of themdied along with their loved one.This death can simply be an end,as if one’s life came to a halt on the
day when their partner, spouse, parent,child or sibling took their last breath. Some
have told me that they felt that time stopped at thatmoment. However, dying in this way can also be an oppor-tunity for new life, for growth and transformation. It can be a doorway to rebirth and even becoming a new and different person than they were before.
In Native American culture, people sometimes change their names after major life transitions. It is a ritual that
E. Willis Partington, M.Div., LCSW-R, FT, Lead Bereavement Counselor
The Arrival of Spring: Renewal and Rebirth
A Bereavement Newsletter from the VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care Program
Continued on next page
VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care • Seasons of Life
Seasons of Lifepages 5-7
BereavementServices Spring-EarlySummer 2018Calendar
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Una Primaverade EsperanzaPara NuestoAfligido Corazón
Issue 26
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Explore Art This Spring at MoMA______________MoMA workshops
page 8
Grief andDreamsWorkshopSeries
Spring 2018
T
VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care • Seasons of Life2
acknowledges thatthe person theywere before thisevent no longerexists, and they arenow a new person.Grief can also beseen as a permanentchange similar to anamputation, asopposed to an ill-ness that one “getsover” like a cold orthe flu. That is notto say that this newlife is static; grief does evolve over time. Our bodies areamazingly resilient and always seek a state of balance. In the wake of such a huge upheaval as the loss of a lovedone, a new equilibrium does eventually emerge, some-times so slowly as to be imperceptible.
Like the drippingof melting snowand ice, there maybe a loosening andsoftening of yourgrief experience.The sadness and the love for theperson you lostwill always bethere, but at thesame time may be joined by the real-ization that a new life is emerging asinexorably as the coming of spring.
Dear Friend-in-Grief,
My name is Marissa and it is an honor to share mystory with you.
Depression, pain and debilitating fear of theunknown ruled our days and lay heavy over our household. After one last terrible night of listening tomy husband’s hopelessness, we talked about a betterway . . . with hospice. I awoke the next morning andcalled the Visiting Nurse Service of New York. Fromthat moment on, a breath of fresh air entered our livesand lifted the fear and isolation of living with terminal cancer. It turned out to be the best decision we evermade. During those last four months, the home hospice care my husband received made it possible for him to return to the things he loved…reading, writing, and photography. We were also able to takememorable walks through our Upper West Side neighborhood where we worked, raised our childrenand shared our lives together for 35 years. In fact, VNSNY Hospice made such a qualitative difference that my husband was fond of saying, “they gave me mylife back.”
To the entire VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Careteam: Thank you for your intelligent, clear and compassionate ability to guide us through this unique experience called “dying.” I never knew there was somuch to learn, and you taught us well.
To Vanessa, my husband’s VNSNY nurse: I will neverforget how much my husband loved and trusted you and looked forward to your visits. Your incredibly honest, natural manner, and sensitivity to my husband’s personality and needs far surpassed our expectations.My husband died the way he wanted to—pain-free andwith dignity in the comfort of his own home and bed.
To the VNSNY Bereavement Counselors: You truly are an amazing group of people. You always validate my feelings and create a safe, supportive environmentin which I can process, learn, and work through mygrief. I became a bereavement junkie, so to speak,attending various groups, panel discussions, movies,walks and one-on-one counseling throughout the pastyear. So now I, too, can proclaim as my husband oncedid, “VNSNY gave me my life back, or rather a way back into life.”
Thank you,Marissa
“The natural cycle of thetransition from winter tospring can signal the possibility for change ingrief as well…Reflectingon their journey, peoplehave said to me, ‘I feellike I’m in a differentplace now with my grief.‘”
To learn more about VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care,go to: http://www.vnsny.org/how-we-can-help/hospice-
palliative-care/our-services/grief-support/
Sincerely,
M. Div., LCSW-R, FTLead Bereavement Counselor
“ In the wake of such huge upheaval as the loss of a loved one, a new equilibrium doeseventually emerge,sometimes so slowly as to be imperceptible.”
VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care • Seasons of Life3
Una Primavera de Esperanza Para Nuestro Afligido Corazón
By Rocío Lorena Ruiz
P robablemente Usted estépasando por uno de losmomentos más difíciles
de su vida, su ser querido ha partido y se respira un aire deirrealidad y extrañeza. Usted destinó todo sus recursos (sutiempo, cariño, esfuerzo y hastadinero) en proveer el mejorcuidado para tener a su serquerido lo más confortable posible.Trató de proyectar una imagen de objetividad y fortaleza, pero en el fondo sentía su corazón hecho pedazos.
La vida es como recorrer un camino en bicicleta. Al princi-pio aprenderemos a montar un triciclo y luego nos sosten-dremos en dos ruedas. Habrán sendas rectas y placenteras yotras sinuosas y desafiantes. Tendremos el acompañamientoy apoyo de nuestros familiares y amigos, y asi como en lasestaciones, habrán inviernos duros y primaveras luminosas.Pase lo que pase continuaremos por las sendas que nostoquen recorrer.
Cuando nuestro ser querido sea admitido en el Programade Hospicio, sabremos que estamos en el último tramo yque éste será extremadamente dificil. Es como si nuestropaseo en bicicleta se tornara borrascoso y fatigante, envuel-to en el más crudo invierno, con tormentas y oscuridad.Aparecerán obstáculos imposibles de sortear, nos caeremos,nos levantaremos y buscaremos seguir pedaleando. En elhorizonte vislumbraremos que sólo existe un camino y éste conduce directo al precipicio. Sabemos que no hayvuelta atrás, pero también sabemos que al otro lado de ese precipicio se encuentra la meta. La meta parecerá un frágildestello a lo lejos, pero en realidad podría convertirse enuna aurora brillante.
Muchos le dirán cómo cruzar el precipicio, algunos sugerirán dar un gran salto, otros descender hasta lo profundo para volver a escalar y algunos recomendarán no hacer nada. Usted probablemente continúe pedaleandopero aunque no avance fortalecerá brazos y piernas, y su progreso dependerá cómo utilice los recursos disponibles.
Tal vez Usted todavía esté atravesando el precipicio o ya estémás cerca del otro lado. Ese otro lado, esa meta, es como laprimavera: Alli será recibido por viejos conocidos y nuevas
personas que le ofreceránagua y alimento, y sentirá unnuevo impulso para florecery renovarse. La algarabíaexterior le proverá satisfac-ción y serenidad nunca antes experimentada. Habrá notable crecimiento, positivismo y esperanza.
Y es que Usted habrá apren-dido que, como las orugas,
necesitaba desarrollar sus alas para convertirse enmariposa. Usted habrá entendido la importancia deenfrentar las adversidades, dosificando el esfuerzo,tomando las decisiones más apropiadas para cadamomento. Habrá aprendido a ser resiliente y a cuidarde si mismo. Es más, su propia experiencia lo habráequipado mejor para ayudar a otros y el recuerdo de su ser querido le motivará a alcanzar cosas mejores.Entenderá que el recuerdo de ese ser tan amado perdurará por siempre porque el amor nunca muere.
No olvide que en el corazón de todos los inviernosvive una primavera palpitante y detrás de cada nocheviene una aurora sonriente. En VNSNY contamos conun equipo sensible y professional para acompañarlo en su afliccion y esperanza, en sus inviernos y primav-eras. Estamos aqui para recorrer el camino por 13meses contados a partir de la pérdida. Hablamos su idioma. Llámenos cuando lo necesite
Rocío Lorena RuizEmail: [email protected]
VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care • Seasons of Life4
Explore Art this Spring at MoMAMOMA Educational Series made possible by a partnership with Volkswagen of America
Bereavement Services • Spring-Early Summer • 2018 Calendar
Presentations designed to support people on their journey of griefRegistration is required • Manhattan location unless specified otherwise
The David and June Pelkey Grief Education Series
VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care • Seasons of Life5
Spring Labyrinth Walk • Staten IslandTuesday • April 103:00 p.m.—4:00 p.m.Rosanne Sonatore • [email protected]
How Long Does Grief Last?Thursday • April 196:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.Willis Partington • [email protected]
For Adults Grieving the Loss of a Loved One •Staten IslandTuesdays • April 24, May 22, June 26, and July 3110:30 a.m.—12:00 p.m.Rosanne Sonatore • [email protected]
Bereavement Workshop Series: “Take Your BrokenHeart, Make It Into Art”—Carrie Fisher (each meetingwill focus on creating a different art piece—no artisticskills required/all art materials will be provided)
Partner Loss Panel Discussion“Can I Develop a Loving Relationship Again?”Thursday • April 266:00 p.m.—8:00 p.mWillis Partington • [email protected]
Spring Labyrinth WalkSaturday • May 59:30 a.m.Debra Oryzysyn • [email protected]
Excerpt from Presence“ Grief is the process of healing loss. It is a holistic process, with physical, mental,emotional, and spiritual dimensions interconnecting. We don’t just grieve for a loss, but for all the meanings andimplications of that loss.”
—Nancy Reeves, Presence(Vol. 13, No. 4., December 2007)
Father Loss PanelMonday • June 116:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.Debra Oryzysyn • [email protected]
Proceso de luto (The Process of Grief)Thursday • July 121:30 p.m.—3:00 p.m.Liz Santana • [email protected]
Mindfulness Practice and GriefDate and time to be determinedJean Metzker • 718-888-6966917-331-7819 Preferred text or [email protected]
Pema Chödrön teaches us “sending and taking,” an ancient Buddhist practice to awaken compassion. With each in-breath, we take in others’ pain. With each out-breath we take, we send them relief. We explore this loving practice, how it works andthe joy it brings for self and others.
Bereavement Services • Spring-Early Summer • 2018 Calendar
First Year of GriefSupporting adults whose loved one died on hospiceMondays11:00 a.m.—12:30 p.mJanet King • [email protected]
General LossChinese-Language Bereavement Support
Tuesdays • 2:30 p.m.—4:00 p.mPamela Yew Schwartz • [email protected]
General LossFor Adults Grieving the Death of a Loved OneTuesdays • 6:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.Willis Partington • [email protected]
General LossDaytime General Loss Group on the Upper East Side For Adults Whose Loved One Died on HospiceWednesdays • April 4, 18, May 2, 16, June 6, 20and July 181:00 p.m.—2:30 p.m.Janet King • [email protected]
Bi-Weekly Groups
Registration is required • Manhattan location unless specified otherwise
Weekly (Ongoing) Groups
VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care • Seasons of Life6
For Adults Grieving the Death of a Loved One • BrooklynTuesdays • April 3, 17, May 1, 15, June 5, 19 and July 3, 171:00 p.m.—2:30 p.m.Dianna Sandiford • [email protected]
For Adults Grieving the Loss of a Loved One • Staten IslandThursdays • April 5, 19, May 10, 24, June 7, 21and July 5, 1910:30 a.m.—12:00 p.m.Rosanne Sonatore • [email protected]
Men Coping With GriefMondays • April 9, 23, May 7, 21, June 4, 18,and July 2, 166:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.Willis Partington • [email protected]
Spanish Bereavement Group For Adults Bi-Weekly Thursdays • April 5, 19, May 3, 17, 31, and June 141:30 p.m.—3:00 p.m.Liz Santana • [email protected]
Special Topic (see back panel)Grief DreamsWednesdays • June 13, 27, July 11, 256:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.Willis Partington • [email protected]
Bereavement Services • Spring-Early Summer • 2018 Calendar
General LossManaging Grief in the Second Year •ManhattanFridays • April 20, May 18, June 15, and July 2011:00 a.m.—12:30 p.m.Mary Kay King • [email protected]
Sibling LossFor Adults Grieving the Death of a Brother orSister • ManhattanMondays • April 23, May 21, June 25, and July 236:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.Ben Weinstock • [email protected]
Loss of an Adult ChildFor Parents Grieving the Death of an Adult Child • ManhattanWednesdays • April 11, May 9, June 13, and July 111:00 p.m.—2:30 p.m.Pamela Yew Schwartz • [email protected]
For Adults Grieving the Death of aLoved One • QueensThursdays • April 5, May 3, June 7, and July 561-10 Queens Blvd., 2nd FloorWoodside, NY 11377Call ahead for group registrationJean Metzker, PhD917-331-7819Ben Weinstock, [email protected]
Monthly Groups
Spouse or Partner LossFor Adults Grieving the Death of a Spouse or Partner Mondays • May 7, 14, 21, and June 4, 11, 186:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.Mary Kay King • [email protected]
Focused Groups
Registration is required • Manhattan location unless specified otherwise
VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care • Seasons of Life7
Workshop Testimonial
“The bereavement servicesoffered by VNSNY werelike an oasis in a desert.When I started the group,I felt isolated and aloneand I felt life had nomeaning. When the group was over, I feltrefreshed and on the path to healing.”
Special ServiceReiki Therapy • ManhattanBy appointmentJean Metzker • [email protected]
VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care • Seasons of Life8
Non-ProfitU.S. PostagePAID
New York, NYPermit No.2147
Visiting Nurse Service of New YorkHospice and Palliative Care1250 Broadway, 4th floor
NY, NY 10001
LOOK INSIDE FOR: Spring-Early Summer 2018CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Grief and Dreams Workshop Series
I t is not unusual to have dreams aboutloved ones who have died. Sometimesthe dreams are comforting and reassur-
ing. Other dreams may be puzzling oreven have content that is frightening or traumatic. While the meaning of somedreams may be quite clear, many dreamsare seemingly haphazard or random.
Over four sessions this spring and summer, there will be the opportunity tolearn more about dreams and their uniquevisual and symbolic language. Togetherwe will read the book Grief Dreams: How They HelpHeal Us After the Death of a Loved One. In addition to learning about dreams, we will also learn aboutother ways to harness the power of the unconsciousin healing from loss.
The only requirementsfor participating in theworkshop series are purchasing a copy ofthe book and reading it over the courseof eight weeks. Written for people who are grieving, the language of the book issimple and easy to absorb. There is norequirement to have any dreams eitherbefore, during, or after the workshop sessions. However, many people findthat reading about dreams and talking
about dreams does tend to stimulate dreaming.
If you are interested in registering or have questions, you can call me at: 212-609-7992 or email [email protected]
Published with the help of the Enterprise CommunicationsDepartment in VNSNY. For more information about VNSNY Hospice and Palliative Care, please email us at: E. [email protected]
Seasons of Life
