Stress Headache

Butterflies

Rage High Blood Pressure

Anger Red Distrust

Sadness Fight Nervous

Anxious Depressed

Malicious

Attack Passive Aggressive

“Good Christians don’t fight”

POTSHOTSPOTSHOTSPastorsOnTheSpot:A Hurting MemberA Member in Opposition to your

ministryA Test by a member

Have you ever heard?Have you ever heard?

“Pastor, I’m sharing with the SPRC that you don’t visit. My mother was in the hospital for two weeks.”

“We need to use the living room of the parsonage on Sunday mornings for an adult Sunday School class. I’m sure it’s ok with you?”

“Why don’t we ever sing Christmas carols during Advent? You really should pick some better hymns.”

We’ve never done it that way before. Why should we start now?”

“Pastor, please know we care about you, but your preaching doesn’t reach us.”

“Pastor, you said Jane could be the liturgist this week but I was already on the schedule and my family is present to hear me read.”

RIVIRS Identify the issues causing conflict

Relationships

Information

Values

Interests

Resources

Structure

RelationshipsRelationships

Is there conflict among key leaders, pastor and leaders, staff members, other groups in the church?

**It is important to remember that 90% of church conflicts involve the pastor simply because: “Pastor, if you are not for me, then you must be against me.”

InformationInformationThere are formal and informal ways of sharing information in a congregation. Newsletters, bulletins, pulpit announcements are ways to keep people informed. In some places, informal systems, such as the “grape-vine” or the prayer chain can be places where misinformation is shared. Parking lot meetings and email chains also can lead to wrong information or the misinterpretation of the information. In other cases, the lack of adequate communication can cause conflict.

ValuesValues

Differing values can cause conflict. Some examples may be social issues, the interpretation of Scripture, missional focus, the selling of a parsonage, or the role of the pastor in church events.

InterestsInterests

Similar to values conflicts are those related to

opposing interests including the type of worship service, the use of the church building and grounds, the hiring of staff

to enhance ministry to a particular group, and the budget process.

ResourcesResources

When there are limited resources or scarce resources, there can be conflict. Financial

shortfalls, running out of space, or too few

leaders are some examples. Occasionally,

a church receives a significantly large gift

and how to use it becomes a topic for conflict.

StructureStructure

An unclear organizational structure will give rise to conflict. Knowing which decisions are made by which committee and the

appropriate use of process are key components to avoiding conflict.

1. Collaboration

2. Create Options

3. Compromise

4. Create Obstacles

5. Compel

6. Coerce/Collude

7. Concede

Healthy Church SystemsHealthy Church Systems

Solve Problems effectivelyRecognize conflict as normal and constructiveTolerance for differences (agree to disagree)Pastor and leadership are trained in conflict

managementPersons are honest in expression of their

feelings

Healthy Church SystemsHealthy Church Systems

Energy is created to solve problemsPeople explore optionsLong-standing assumptions are regularly

challengedInappropriate anger is checked by peersCommunication channels are in place and

used effectively

Healthy Church SystemsHealthy Church Systems

Hope is the primary theologyIndividuals take on volunteer rolesLaity understands their calling and purpose

Levels of ConflictLevels of Conflict

1. Problem to Solve. Real disagreement, open sharing of

information, clear and specific issue that is problem-oriented rather than people-oriented.

2. Disagreement Problem cannot be clearly defined, distrust beginning, holding back of information, hostile humor, begin personalizing problem.

3. Contest Sides form with clear leaders and spokes- persons, overgeneralizations, personal attacks, issues distorted, win/lose becomes objective.

4. Fight/Flight Shift from objective of winning to getting rid of people, no longer believe there will be productive change, talk now of principles, not issues, people leave, withholding of finances, clear sides who will not speak to each other.

5. Intractable No longer clear understanding of issue, focus on words, actions that will destroy the other, information skewed, organization experiences destruction of some kind at this level.

Congregational Size and Conflict

Congregations can generally be categorized into four types based on average attendance. In each size type, there are several issues which occur with greater frequency and predispose a congregation to particular conflicts.

Churches with average attendance of 50 or less.

High rate of clergy turnover, questions recur about merger, closing, limited financial income, “family feud” can cause significant angst, have survived “many clergy,” stagnant

leadership, often grieving for those good years.

Churches with average attendance of 51-150.

Pastor is central, relates to everyone—expectations for pastor to be involved in most activities. Demands on pastor become oppressive as attendance nears 150. Communication with leaders important. Block to growth is pastor’s desire and congregation’s expectation of a one to one relationship with all the people.

Congregation has an average attendance of 151-350.

Role of pastor is as recruiter, trainer, motivator, and trust builder. Pastor’s interpersonal skills make a significant contribution, clear mission and vision necessary to keep everyone on the same page.

Conflict occurs when moving from pastoral to program church because of the expectations around the role of the pastor. There is often a shortage of building space, financial resources as growth occurs or if church is down-sizing.

Congregation has over 350 average attendance.

Conflict potential often is between staff members, or between groups vying for same resources. Most conflicts generally stay within small groups or among staff members.

Starting with

YOURSELF

Starting with Starting with YOURSELFYOURSELFResponding rather than reactingThe only person I can change is myselfAccepting one’s limits and one’s worth as a

child of GodKeep open the potential for win/winRe-think “gut” theologiesRe-frame conflict in light of the

congregational vision

“Forgiveness is not an occasional art, it is a permanent attitude.” --Martin Luther

“How is forgiveness possible? Forgiveness exists already—now and eternally. We do not create it; we enter it.” --Flora Slosson Wuellner

(“Root Canal” by Martha Williams)“Like rekindling still smoldering resentments, my tongue caresses each rotten tooth, resisting extraction and forgiveness.”

“As far as the east is from the west, so far God removes our transgressions from us.” --Psalm 103:12

Forgiveness

Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.”