STOP SUFFERING AND START LIVING

ByGreg Smith,

PhDwww.gregsmith.co.

za

Suffering is…

“The state of undergoing pain, distress or hardship”

Oxford Dictionary

“When suffering knocks at your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because he

has brought his own stool.”

Prof. Chinua Achebe

“Life is suffering”Prince Gautama Siddharta, Founder of Buddhism

“Jesus wept”John 11:35, Bible

“Sometimes pain teaches what pleasure cannot”Quran

“It was only through suffering that the children of Israel obtained three priceless and coveted gifts…”Talmud

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls;

the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Kahlil Gibran

Despair = Suffering without meaning

So…

• Life IS suffering

• Life is impermanent

• We create MORE suffering by trying to avoid suffering

• We avoid suffering through cravings or aversion

• We CAN overcome this…

BEACH BALL

STRESS / SUFFERING CONSISTS OF…

1. The stressor, i.e., the changes or demands

2. How this stressor is

perceived (not the event!)

3. The actual stress response in the body or mind

ABC THEORYACTIVATING EVENT BELIEF CONSEQUENCES

DISPUTE

D

NEW OUTCOME

“We don’t see things as they

are, we see things

as we are” Anais Nin

Survive vs Thrive

• Negative emotions (fear, anger, despair) help us SURVIVE

• Positive emotions (curiosity, delight, interest, joy, etc) let us THRIVE

THE

SWAMP

FLY-FISHING

SHIPWRECKED

METAPHOR

Recontextualising the Problem

DepressedDepressedUnmotivatedUnmotivatedUnemployedUnemployedIndecisiveIndecisive

OverweightOverweightUnloveableUnloveable

Need therapy!Need therapy!

What I want What I want my life to my life to stand for stand for

DepressedDepressedUnmotivatedUnmotivatedUnemployedUnemployedIndecisiveIndecisive

OverweightOverweightUnloveableUnloveable

Need therapy!Need therapy!

The life I’m left withThe life I’m left with

“I think that...”

“I’m having the thought that...”“I’m having the thought that...”

“I notice I’m having the thought that...”“I notice I’m having the thought that...”

This is This is unbearableunbearable

I notice those I notice those thoughts are there thoughts are there

againagain

HELPFUL ATTITUDES• Non-judging

• Patience

• Beginners Mind

• Trust

• Non-striving

• Acceptance

• Letting go

WORLD

I / YOU

BODY

MIND

Suffering

5 SENSES

CHESSBOARD

BEHAVIOURTOWARDSAWAY

SUFFERING VALUES

MIND

5 SENSES

AUTOPILOT

PAST FUTURE

NOW / PRESENT

ANXIETYDEPRESSION

?

Spirituality

Intimate Rels

Family Rels

Social RelsLeisure

Career

Health

Alcohol

Temper

Drugs

Smoking

Shouting

Withdrawal

I / ME