Steps Toward Your Child’s Success

A Workshop for ParentsBased on the Research of the Frostig Center

By Patti Finn, Carolyn Wills and Diana KettermanWith special thanks to Don Trimmer, Ph.D

It’s not easy being a parent

…and it’s not easy being a child

children don’t come with directions

And to make things more complicated,

What do we want for our children?

What can we do as parents to

help our children be successful?

Daniel Goleman, 1995Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to integrate thinking and feeling to make optimal decisions. Emotions are assets, if

you manage them intelligently, you will gain incredible value in your work and in your life. Freedman, 2007

Living on autopilot vs. living on purpose

The “tip of the iceberg” represents the known and the visible – behaviors.

The heart of the iceberg represents the unknown and the invisible – the drivers of behavior. Emotional intelligence helps people tap into

the heart of the iceberg.

©2008, Six Seconds, The Emotional Intelligence Network, www.6seconds.org

The Iceberg

EQ is “a basic tool that, deployed with finesse, is the key to professional success.” Harvard Business Review, 2003

“No doubt Emotional Intelligence is more rare than book smarts, but my experience says it is actually more important in the

making of a leader.” Jack Welch, GE CEO, 2004

More than half of the variation of these success factors:Effectiveness, Relationship Quality, Quality of Life and Health

Is predicted by emotional intelligence. Freedman, 2007

EQ is related to higher salaries and moving up in companies. Salovey and Caruso, 2004

Companies Using EQ Training

SheratonMotorola

General ElectricFederal ExpressHewlett Packard

US Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine CorpsLockheed Martin

World Bank GroupMake-A-Wish Foundation

Ameriprise Financial (AMEX Financial Advisors)AvonPepsi

Johnson and Johnson

The Frostig Center

Success Attributes Study

Attributes for Success

Self-Awareness

Everyone has strengthsEveryone has weaknessesTalents, interests, abilities

Proactivity

You have control of your destinyTake charge of your life

Make decisions and act upon themTake responsibility for your actions

Be flexible when things don’t work outKnow when “you” are not enough and talk to others,

get help, and collaborate

Perseverance

Keep trying but know when to quitMultiple strategies

Learn from mistakes

Goal Setting

Take time to dreamEducation, family, employment, personal development

Short term and long term goalsConcrete, realistic, attainable and flexible

Breaking down a goal into manageable steps

Use of Effective Support Systems

Guidance, support and encouragementFamily, friends, mentors, and co-workers

Seeking support while remaining independent

Emotional Coping Strategies

Stress and frustrationSchool, work, home, social life and self

Awareness of triggers and causesRecognition of growing stress

Dealing with unmanageable tasks

Websites for Further Information Life Success For Children with Learning Disabilities http://www.ldsuccess.org

This site has information about the Frostig Center’s research and work with the Success Attributes. It contains a free downloadable Parents’ Guide with tips, activities and checklists for each Success Attribute.

 Raising Small Souls: Parenting Emotionally Healthy Children

http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com This site has great parenting articles, advice, recommended books, videos, and resources. MVP Parents: Involved Parents are the Real Heroes http://www.mvparents.com

This site has an e-newsletter you can sign up for, great parenting articles, tip of the day, quizzes, videos, podcasts, downloads, and other resources. Sections such as school success, technology, sports, peer pressure, high risk behaviors, and discipline cover all types of parenting topics for your child’s success.

Dr. Michele Borba: Proven Solutions to Raise Strong Caring Kids http://www.micheleborba.com This site has Dr. Borba’s articles and blogs on parenting issues, solutions, and in-depth reviews of her many outstanding books.

 More 4 Kids: Parenting Resources http://www.more4kids.info

This site has a listing of the top parenting websites and a short description of each site. Six Seconds: Emotional Intelligence http://www.6seconds.org/start.php

This part of the Six Seconds site has free resources to assist in developing emotional intelligence, such as assessments of your EQ, an “emotoscope” to help determine emotions, blogs, current research articles and other resources.

 •  

Books for Further Information

 

 How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell

 The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

 Boundaries with Kids by Henry Cloud, Ph.D and John Townsend, Ph.D

 Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ by Daniel Goleman

 Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin Seligman, Ph.D

 The Optimistic Child by Martin Seligman, Ph.D

 How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

 The Big Book of Parenting Solutions by Michele Borba, Ed.D.

 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know by Michele Borba, Ed.D.

 Parents Do Make a Difference by Michele Borba, Ed.D.

 Don’t Give Me That Attitude by Michele Borba, Ed.D.

 10-Minute Life Lessons for Kids by Jamie Miller

 Character Building Activities for Kids by Darlene Mannix

 The Six Success Factors for Children with Learning Disabilities by Jossey-Bass and The Frostig

Center 

How to Raise Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence by Allen Nagy, Ph.D. and Geraldne Nagy,Ph.D.

  At the Heart of Leadership: How to Get Results with Emotional Intelligence

by Joshua Freedman

What now?

Active Active ListeningListening

Active Active ListeningListening

What are the benefits of actively listening to your

child? – encourage the healthy development

of your child– create an atmosphere of healthy

conversation– the basis of positive parent-child

interactions– high self-esteem in children– increased potential to prevent

problematic behavior

– Listening makes our loved ones feel worthy.

– Ordinary conversations emerge on a deeper level as do our relationships.

– We foster the skill in others by acting as a model for positive and effective communication.

– Improving one’s listening skills fuel social, emotional, and academic/professional success.

– It is a skill that can be learned.

What is active listening?

an intent to “listen for meaning"

What are its components?

listening is an art involving the ears, eyes, heart, attitude, ego, and

spirit.

• Being interested and attentive• Encourage talking• Listen patiently• Hear children out• Listen to non-verbal messages

Focus on the message by …

Offer to others what you most like when you need or want

to be listened to.

•face the speaker,•maintain eye contact,•keep an open mind, and a strict following of what your child is saying.

In summary,

Oh, and, lest we forget …

Unless your advice is asked for, assume your child just needs to talk about whatever is on

his/her mind.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a

single step.

Lao-tzuChinese philosopher

What now?

Success Begins With Knowledge

• Westhoff’s Success Links for Home, School and Work Success

•http://westhoff.wvusd.k12.ca.us/

Click on Dr. K. Success tab to learn more.

DR. K. SUCCESS WESTHOFF DR. K. SUCCESS WESTHOFF WEBSITEWEBSITE

DR. K. SUCCESS WESTHOFF DR. K. SUCCESS WESTHOFF WEBSITEWEBSITE

http://http://westhoff.wvusd.k12.ca.uswesthoff.wvusd.k12.ca.us

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http://wvusd.k12.ca.us/

Working Together for Success