StealingAnything!

with

The Internet is

Fun & Easy (but that doesn’t make it right)

Copyright © 2016 by the RIAA and the MPAA

All rights reserved. This pamphlet and parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system (including human memory) or transmitted by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, handbilling, image recording, telekinesis, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher protected under penalty of United States of America Draconian Copyright Law.

The following circumstances break copyright law and are punishable by fine, imprisonment or death

• Do not copy pamphlet and give it away for free

• Do not share a PDF of this pamphlet on the internet

• Do not draw a facsimile with a pen and paper

• Do not talk about the existence of this pamphlet

• Do not allow friends to read your copy; insist they purchase their own copy or charge a rental fee

• Do not flip through this pamphlet at the store to decide if you want to buy it, just simply buy it

Published in conjunction with The Recording Industry Association of America &

The Motion Picture Association of America, 1025 F St NW, Washington, DC 20004 &

15301 Ventura Blvd # E, Los Angeles, CA 91403 (202) 775-0101 & (818) 995-3600

Hey kids! What’s the Dilly-O! It’s your friends from the Recording Industry Association of America and the Motion Picture Association of America

We wanted to reach a young audience with media teens trust—zines! Pronounced “zyne", like wine, zines are “on fleek!” All 90s kids remember!

Teens love zines! Unfortunately, some teens also love pirating copyrighted media. However, downloading music, movies or software is a violation of international law. It is illegal; it is a felony.

That’s why we wanted to tell teens how scary piracy really is. So get off your hoverboard, turnt up your best Cage The Elephant record, and get ready because you’re about to get blown up by…

DA KNOWLEDGE-BOMB!Your pals, MPAA CEO Chris Dodd & RIAA CEO Cary Sherman

What Is Media Piracy?Do you like music, movies, books and other art?

If you answered no, please throw away this pamphlet. But if you answered yes: you are in grave danger! And all art ever made is in grave danger too! Soon, all media will cease to exist entirely. The danger level: very grave!

That’s because media is on the verge of extinction. Perhaps you’re thinking, “Wasn’t there more media produced in the last 5 years than ever before produced in the entirety of human history?” Well, yes that’s true. But soon, it might possibly not be true because…

People are utilizing art and information without licensing or paying for it. Pirates!

What’s the one essential thing art needs in order to exist? It’s money. Without money, say bye-bye to your mangas and witchhouse music. And while pirates claim they love art, they despise money! It’s ironic. Since money makes the world go round, is not the world simply a work of art? Yes. Therefore, pirates hate the world and everyone in it!

The problem began with the internet. All crooks need now is a computer and web browser and they can access every idea of human history for free. This is not good; it’s bad. If people need ideas, shouldn’t they be able to pay for them? Yes. It’s simple.

If no one buys big-budget Hollywood blockbusters or super-produced Top 40 hits the billionaires who finance them won’t make back their billions! We shudder to imagine a world where Top 40 music and blockbuster movies aren’t profitable anymore. How would we see computer generated explosions? What would we dance to while trying to meet new “hook ups” for our promiscuous Millennial lifestyles. If the industry isn’t making millions they can’t afford to make the current quality of music and movies they methodically create. Then what would art be? Character dramas and folk music?!

Imagine that dystopian nightmare! How would people spend their time? Reading?! Ew.

Pirates are the biggest threat facing the world today. They’re destroying our way of life by simply sharing files over a globalized information network of nodal connections. Sure, sounds innocuous but the consequences are worse than famine, disease, war and global warming. That’s why the entertainment industry spends billions a year fighting pirates: it’s our biggest priority. We spend more money protecting their copyrights than they spend producing new media. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

There’s one thing pirates do right: they make us find fun new ways to fight them. Because if there were no pirates, we’d never have DRM or unique activation codes.

Now that you know what piracy is: let’s teach you how to go out and fight it.

Torrents: The Silent Killer

Bittorrents (aka "torrents") work by downloading small “bits” of files from many different web servers simultaneously. Torrent downloading is extremely easy to use and free of user fees. Torrent popularity is still growing fast—by straight gigabytes of bandwidth used, bittorrent networking is the most popular activity on the Internet today. It must be stopped.

Torrent code is open-source, advertising-free, and adware/spyware-free. This means that no single person profits from torrent success. This is what makes it so evil.

Torrents are true Peer-to-Peer networking where the users themselves do the actual file serving. Torrents enforce 99% quality control by filtering out corrupted and dummy files; users are actively encouraged “to seed” their complete files, implicating everyone who uses the files into a complex web of illegality! This also makes it hard to prosecute people who torrent in courts of law.

We can’t catch anonymous torrenters when they protect the identity of their computers. Make sure you never become an anonymous torrenter. Just follow these simple steps: 1. Don’t Install a torrent-friendly VPN (virtual private network)2. Bad VPNs include: Private Internet Access VPN; NordVPN;

TorGuard; PureVPN; AnchorFree (never use these)3. Don’t connect to your VPN and don’t take note of your masked

IP address (which can’t be tied to your machine in court)4. Don’t use a IP protection tool like PeerBlock to avert spying IPs5. Don’t confirm your torrent client is transmitting a masked IP6. Don’t download the Tor browser to find torrents and surf the

web. This nefarious tool uses Onions to keep surfin’ private 7. Don’t start downloading and enjoying torrents!

If you witness anyone downloading torrentsIMMEDIATELY CALL THE POLICE!

AVOID THESE HARMFUL TORRENT

DATABASES www.PirateBay.se

www.Kickass.towww.Miniova.org

www.Extratorrent.cc www.Torrentz.eu www.isohunt.to

www.1337x.to www.extv.ag

torrenthound.comwww.yts.ag

www.bitport.io www.toorgle.com www.seedpeer.me

JUST SAY NOHere are some, so called, “good reasons” why all art and information should be free for everyone, with our easy to remember, fool-proof response.

No. Copyright law is archaic and complicated: it hinders the pursuit of knowledge! No.

Corporations make money from copyrights—not the artist! These leeches don’t create, they litigate! No.

Copyright law hinders innovation. Patent trolls trademark ideas and bully real creators into settling frivolous lawsuits, preventing technological progress! No.

Art changes minds, challenges ideology, and numbs us from the isolation of modern existence. Art makes us happier and healthier; therefore, it must be free! No.

If we learn how to make our own things (music, software, movies, computers, food, clothes, energy, etc) we will see mass-produced goods as expensive and inferior! No.

When information is free, people live better. If the poor can freely learn and create, there is—however significant or slight—less chance they will always be poor. Free media and art are essential to a free society! No.

Nothing will stop the flow of ideas. Any technology preventing free information exchange will quickly become obsolete. Ideas are immaterial: they exist to be disseminated! Those standing in the way of information freedom have already lost! The people of the world continue to rise up! The internet is our technology! No.

It’s E-Z to see: these arguments are BUNK!

Whether it’s the automobile, astronomy, Renaissance painting, the cotton gin, or the War in Iraq—America makes countless investments enjoyed the world over! There’s just one thing standing in the way of America becoming the World’s Benevolent Overlord of All Culture & Commerce. I bet you guessed it: it’s pirates.

Some astute readers might ask, “But The Today Show told me terrorists are the biggest threat facing America today.” That’s correct. But here’s where it gets really scary—all pirates are also terrorists! And most terrorists are pirates, too! It’s ironic: terrorists hate America, but they loved our precious, big-budget media productions!

Pirates have been America’s enemy throughout history. While less dangerous, traditional sea pirates posed a horrifying alternative to the U.S. Navy way of life. Similar to terrorists hating our freedom.

Sailors had the perfect life. They lived in close quarters with their seamen brothers—sometimes platonically sharing a bunk. Sailors were paid on credit, no need for money on the big beautiful blue sea!

Best of all, Navy captains had absolute authority over their crews—this made life easy for the sailors because they never needed to think or make decisions. Plus, every sailor always had a helpful and positive attitude because complaining or refusing duty was mutinous—be nice, or walk the plank!

Pirates, on the other hand, were a nefarious sect of fiends. They ran ships under collective control (i.e. Communism). Captains didn’t lead day to day, only during battle (i.e. Weak Leadership). Loot was divided equally and pirates ate more and better than sailor counterparts (i.e. Socialist Wealth Redistribution and Gluttony). Worst of all, pirates convinced hard-working Navy soldiers to join up their slothful ranks! Just like ISIS does with lonely teen boys on the Internet!

Clearly, pirates always stood in the way of the hardworking American way of life. Now, as America evolves past the need to manufacture goods or grow crops (instead of allowing less-evolved countries to do this for us until they evolve), the American economy depends on “selling ideas” to make money. This is better because ideas have an infinite supply—which of course means you can sell them infinity times to infinity customers!

The only thing that’s stopping America is pirate-terrorism. Do you buy your media like a true patriot who supports the troops? Or do you pirate it, like a communist terrorist?

Did you know?

The men who hijacked the 9/11 airplanes downloaded Jock Jams from Kazaa.

Saddam Hussein owned a collection of handi-cam bootleg DVDs.

Osama Bin Laden was assassinated while making beats on a pirated copy of Fruity Loops.

D “I’m Jack Bowsers from TV’s 24 and I will brutally murder the terrorists who download media to protect my nation”

Everyone Loves America

TRADEMARK YOUR ART

• Image LicensingHere’s the real money—make stock images companies pay to use. One photo of a business man reacting to the newspaper can net you thousands of dollars/clicks!

• 3-D Printing Remember something from your childhood; print up a little toy of that sucker and sell it online. You’re rolling in it! Fair Use, baby!

• Adobe PhotoshopThe best part about this software is adding watermarks to images. Now, people need to pay you to take them off! You thought painting was easy, wait until you try watermarks!

• Social Media Connecting your life to the universal consciousness is godlike. Just add filters and stickers to personalize your unique experience! You’ll make a killing with branded content!

• Virtual RealityThis is so new, you can trademark practically anything! Be the artist who designs the first digital mall; make a 4-D grocery store; recreate the family dinner experience with no family and a pair of goggles! No scarcity makes options limitless!

• Collage College shamelessly steals images from books and magazines. Who gets paid for these recreations? That’s right: nobody. AVOID!

• Sculpture Sculptures are hard to trademark because you can replicate them very easily. Save your fingers: skip sculpture, try 3-D printing instead!

• Painting Painting is easier than it sounds, but you can’t trademark a landscape or bowl of fruit (yet). Since they’re hard to share, skip the brush, use MS Paint instead.

• PoetryPoems are often ramblings about sex, nature or death (often, all three at once). Poems resist trademarking. Easy fix: turn your poems into marketing slogans!

• LandscapingNature exists to be used, not organized! Landscapers isolate us from the natural world’s true purpose—fuel and raw materials. Lawn care is a chore, not art! Death to aesthetics! You cannot trademark rock placement AVOID! Won’t exist in 10 years anyway.

We don’t recommend making your own art. It’s hard, it doesn’t pay, and people who make art are always sad. Content creators produce so much content—you should just consume some of that! Unfortunately, some people need to make art. They’re called “depressives.” If you’re cursed with this cancer, trademark your art! Don’t worry whether it’s right or wrong—worry whether its copyright!

DON’T DO THIS TRY THIS INSTEAD

The Greatest Artist in American History: !

“Take what you need to claim thy bounty” — Walt Disney

• Snow White• Alice in Wonderland• Winnie the Pooh• Bambi• The Little Mermaid• Tarzan of the Apes• Pinocchio• Cinderella• The Legend of

Sleepy Hollow• Oliver Twist• A Christmas Carol• The Chronicles

of Narnia• The Complete

Works of Mark Twain• Peter Pan• Sleeping Beauty

• Jungle Book• Robin Hood• Hamlet• The Hunchback

of Notre Dame• Every Greek Myth• Happy Dan,

The Whistling Dog• The Hundred and

One Dalmatians• One Thousand

and One Nights• The Legend of

Sleepy Hollow• Beauty & The Beast• Chinese Legends• The Life of

Pocahontas

Classic Disney Creations!

In 1933, 28 year old Walt had an experience that changed his life. The Century of Progress World’s Fair inspired Walt to make a better fair: Disneyland. The 1933’s fair’s Project Zephyr light rail is an inferior Mainstreet Railroad; the Hall of Science, Homes of Tomorrow exhibit is a poor man’s Tomorrowland; the donated international exhibits are a paltry Epcot. While the Century of Progress Fair intended to stimulate the economy and end the Great Depression, Disneyworld always has a myriad of great products you can buy and enjoy with or without a global economic crisis!

Ub Iwerks drew Mickey Mouse and Disney's iconic, curvy signature. But it was the artistic genius of Walt Disney that copyrighted these ideas. Sure, Walt couldn't draw the mouse or write his own name. It’s copyright that opened up a new creative vista for his art: trademarks made Walt the greatest American artist of all time. The lesson, kids, is to never give away any of your ideas. Copyright them right away!

Walt Disney is America’s most creative artist. He invented animation, theme parks and television. He later went on to invent cryogenic freezing, so he could one day reawaken to invent more creative things. His creative genius will never die, preserved by perpetual copyrights.

Walt Disney began his artistic career at the famed Art Institute. Disney’s technical abilities were lacking—peers called his drawing “uninspired” and “bad.” He had the creative idea to make a lot of money. After college, he found talented, and most importantly, vulnerable European artists to make his dream a reality. Ub Iwerks was one of Walt’s favorites. Ub would animate whatever creative idea Walt thought up. “Draw a silly mouse on a boat dancing like Buster Keaton,” and Ub would bring Walt’s brilliant dreams into reality! Eventually, Ub Iwerks got jealous of Walt and asked for proper credit and a living wage. Disney refused to comprise his creative integrity. So, Walt did the creative thing and fired Ub.

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Probably the dumbest part about pirating media is that buying it is so fun and easy! What the heck! Haha! There are so many Premium Content Streaming Service Providers for you to choose from in this day and age. If you wanted to, you could consume media all day and night and never finish! This chart will help you get started on your question to consume! Happy buying!

FIRST, GET READY TO GIVE MONEY TO THESE SEVEN COMPANIES

Comcast - NewsCorp - Disney Viacom - Time Warner - CBS

NEXT, BUY INTERNET FOR…

Comcast - $360 - $600 per yearAT&T - $360 - $720 per yearVerizon - $240 - $3300 per yearTime Warner - $180 - $780 p/yCox - $480 - $960 per yearSuddenLink - $480 - $960 p/yFrontier - $240 - $600 per yearAverage - $300 - $1000

STUFF TO WATCH

Netflix - $120 per yearComcast Cable - $600 per yearHulu - $120 per yearAmazon Prime - $100 per yearHBO Now - $180 per yearSling TV (formerly, DiSH) - $240 p/yYoutube Red - $120 per yearTotal - $1480 per year

STUFF TO HEAR

Spotify Premium - $120 per yeariTunes Music - $120 per year Google Play - $120 per yearPandora - $60 per yearRhapsody - $120 per yearTidal - $120 or $240 per yearSound Cloud Go - $120 per yearLast.fm Subscription - $36 p/yTotal - $816 per year

STUFF FOR LEARNING & MAKING

Kindle Unlimited - $120 per yearAdobe Cloud - $600 per yearAvid Pro Tools - $700 per yearJSTOR database - $200 per yearFinal Cut Pro - $300 per yearEbsco Database - $600 per yearOxford English Dictionary - $300 p/ylynda.com - $240 per yearTotal - $3060 per year

Buying Media is

E-Z

ALL FOR THE LOW PRICE OF $5999.99 PER YEAR

Written and designed by Nicky Martin (@PissMistress), 2016Find more fun at www.etsy.com/shop/electrograph

Pirate Blocker With this membership card, you are a MPAA & RCAA sanctioned piracy preventer! Do anything in your power to stop bootlegging. Including!

Entrapment Digital Data Collection

Commercial Blockades & Sanctions Secret Imprisonment and Assassination

Hey Kids, wanna help Uncle Sam fight terrorism?

- Learn what media piracy really is!

- Horrenting: Horrors of Torrenting!

- Pledge to persecute the pirates!

- How to argue with media thieves

- Piracy is killing America!

- The wonderful life of Walt Disney

- Make your own copyrighted art!

- Easy ways to buy all your media

…and more!

Paid for by the RIAA & the MPAA

We Want You To Fight Internet Piracy