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From top touig;li: gtx em{s{*{$r:': x*, l {s.ii#i$"fl}{Fn}ffiu
gnm*t ffiffi{* r"c*":t "'.';i:; ;ir";:;xtrri*.r {&S $ n .-,
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ics, the little Iedi Master dis-patches two armed guardswith no
effort - yet findshimself matched and out-matched by the Sith
Lord'scommand of the dark side ofthe Force. Until he retreats tothe
planet where Luke willmeet him in "The EmpireStrikes Back " the
wise oldYoda is a green tornado, andwe see what all that
"Master"hubbub was about.Gen. GrleYous:Forerarned ls forcarmed
of Independent Systems' mili-tary chief battles Obi-WanKenobi on
an out-world out-post, the cyborg general getsto use the entire
collection oflightsabers he's taken off fallenIedi.
Darth ilaullng thc ,edl("The PhantomMenace," f999). TheSith hits
the fan whenDarth Sidious' demonic appren-tice, Darth Maul, fights
a ballet-ic battle using a newly intro-duced, double-bladed
light-saber against ]edi Master
BY FRANK LOVECEall it Revenge ofthe Sixth.After "ThePhantom
Menace"and "The CloneWars" - the
saga - expectations for thefinal, planned entry were aslow as
the Sarlacc's belly.(Trust us - that's low.) Yetlike the die-hard
heroes ofthose cliflhanger serials fromwhich "Star Wars" takes
inspi-ration, "Revenge of the Sith,"opening Thursday, pulls off
abreathtaking, last-minuterescue.With the long-awaited"Sith's"
arrival - and with"Star Wars" creator GeorgeLucas having announced
boththe end of the film franchiseand the development of a TVseries
to fill in the story be-tween this prequel and theoriginal 1977
movie - it's asgood a time as any to reflect onthe best and worst
moments ofa pop{ultue juggernaut near-ly 30 years old and
strongerthan ever.So what constitutes cool inthis context? Moments
thatstarkly show what a characteris all about, that give us
anunforeseen twist, that havebecome iconic and that gener-ate a
"Wow!" Or, sometimes,it's just a moment of gee-whizwizardry that
reminds us thatmoving pictures are supposedtomove.Here's our
se!ection forTHE TOP IO C9OI.EST"STAR WARS'' MOIIIEIITS:ffi ffi
Speederbllerace*ffi ffi W onEndorfsnoonffi W ffi ("Return of theffi
W$w Jedi,"lgg3).sure,there are more modern visualeffects in "The
Phantom Men-ace's" Podracer competition,but that's an organized
racebegun in an eirena and cover-ing a set course. When Imperi-al
scout troopers on speederbikes chase Princess Leia andLuke
Skywalker at 300 milesper hour through a heavilywooded for est,-
zigzagging andzooming like metal whirlwindsaround (and occasionally
into)trees - now fhat3 some fancyflying.
Yoda us Darfi Sldlqts("Revenge of the Sith,"2005). The
Muppetgets medieval on His
QuiGon Jinn and finn'sPadawan (apprentice), Obi-Wan Kenobi. It
doesn't endwell for two of the three, buttill then, it's "The
Nutcracker"meets "Kung Fu Hustle."
N Yoda tan ("The EmpireM Strikes Back," 1980). Onffiffi the
uncharted planetsW Dagobah,youngLukehopes to apprenticewith
thelegendary Yoda. Or, at least,he'll try. That's when Yodadelivers
the enduring line:"No. Try not. Do... or do not.There is no
try."
Han Solo shoots first("Star Wars"). Whenwe first meet
charmingscoundrel Han Solo, welearn immediately that thisisn't your
daddy's heroic side-kick. No white-hat cowboy he,Han shoots first -
his blasterhidden beneath a table - andshoots to kill when
confrontedby a bounty hunter. Greedonever got a shot off.
Granted,he had a gun pointed at Hanthe whole time, but still . .
.(See also Lamest MomentNo.L)leh ln the metrl HHnlcholes Jabba to
death("fedi"). Hellooooo,Princess! Who knewCarrie Fisher was hot?
"HavingLeia - the archetypal captiveprincess - help save the dayby
offing the intergalacticgangster was a nice surprise.But what folks
mostly remem-ber is the metal bikini.
lost ln spaceshlp ("StarWars," 1977). The seem-ingly endless
glide ofthe Imperial StarDestroyer, entering the screenin
foreground and filling it tothe horizon, was an awakeningjolt from
the lithe, little rock-ets and flying saucers thatpreviously had
been the prov-ince of sci-fi film and TV.
Ascendancy. Using an appar-ent mix of CGI and animatron-
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bottom
:ir::il:::'.i:. Enter obi.wan Kenobl,, ("Star Wars")' When..r,,'
the great Sir Alecr,:,.:,,i0 Guinness throws backhis hood and
reveals theweathered, comforting, wisevet inscrutable face of
"Beni(enobi," even those whonever saw "Lawrence ofArabia" or his
Oscar-winningperformance in "The Bridgeon the River Kwai"
knewsomething special washappening.
oulo-fiction faults and studious-iv d^eliberate melodrama,
"Starfrars' " melding of poPulistcinema, grand themes andeternal
verities doesn't get anypurer than that.THE TOP Ftltt tAlUlEsT'STAR
WARS" MollllEllTs;i.;i:]i!iir sPeclal guest star labba-liijr':,,,
the Hutt ("Star Wars:;i, Soecial Edition"). In a.' r. ' i c'
mputer-generatedeffect not too well-added-to ascene filmed for but
unused inthe original 1977 rclease,labbatalks money with Han Solo
onthe street in Mos EisleY. Theplot stops dead for a minute
toiehash old information, andHarrison Ford who couldn'tknow where
to look, talks atbut not with what's suPPosedto be a more than
l2-foot-tallspace slug.
, r.,, , All the frlendly thosts.:'.i.. sr";nt bye ("Iedi").. ',
,. Obi-Wan, Yoda and ani*# unmasked Darth Vader-Anakin Skywalker
return inethereal form to give Luke alittle "nice work, lad."
Deathbe not proud? There's sure nopride here. How does an ethe-real
being sit down on a corPo-real log?
Ewoks ("Jedi").Ee-yeww. A bunch ofteddy bears with rock$';iwith
arrows defeats .;1:1highly feared, highlY armedImperial storm
troopers?
me go in there with oneTec-9.. .:.iili' Three words:.11 lar lar
Blnls ("Phantom")."lii:ii"'Meea yo humba suh-ii ffi vent!" Echoing
the Nazis
:*,-t*li Grcedo shoots flrst ("Starli' i Wars: Special
Edition,",''; 1997).withStalin-like$iili historical
revisionism,George Lucas obliterated anearly moment that
establishedHan Solo's novel antiheroicstreak (see Coolest Moment
No.4) and reverted to the hoarycliche of"the good guy neverfires
first." The 20th-anniversa-ry rerelease was changed so thatbountv
hunter Greedo shootsfust - and misses at Point-blank range.
Greedo's entry inthe official "Star Wars" Web sitealso specifically
erases history.For shame.BOIIUS 1: Best "Star Wars'Lrelrted
MosnentBilltunay as llidrthehurEBshUBr (withthe ever-chang-
at Nuremberg, as "StarWars" does in thatfirst film's
closing-medal ceremony, is ,;dubious enough. ;:i;-iBut echoing
ii,IStepinFetchit? iirMaybe ]ar jar,right, and Shrek'spal
Donkeyshould gettogether andsl-rare notes.
\r#
lil .\i "l an yout father!"'r$ ("fmpire"). It's Oedipal,r** it's
blblical, it's fosephi*-iil campbell. Darth'Vadei,seeking to lure
Luke to thedark side, reveals his Paternalsecret during a
lightsaberbattle in which the father cutsoff his son's hand. For
all their
I'r i,ii:t
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ing last name, on "saturdayNight Live"). As Nick Winters,playing
the Powder Room at theMeatloaf Mountain ski resort,he piggybacks on
what's popu-lar, no matter how ill-suited tohis vocal stylings. To
the tune of)ohn Barry's theme: "starrrrWars! / Nothing but
StarrrrWars! / Gimme those StarrrrWars! / Don't let them
endl"Ironically, he's gotten his wish.BOI|US 2t Worst',Star
Wan"-rclated tqnrent"the SterWad HolUay Spdal"But "worst" in the
nicest way.Sure, this psychedelicallysurreal, two-hour variety
spe-cial aired only once (CBS,Nov. 17,1978). Sure, it haddithering
space-trader ArtCarney being told by a stormtrooper, a la Ralph
Kramden,to "Get on with iiiitt!" Sure,Bea Arthur, as a cantina
ownersings a sub-Brechtian weeperand dances with aliens. Sure,
aWookiee gets excited whenviewi'g Diahann Carroll as alMermeia
Holographic Wow."And sure, Chewbacca's rela-tives have "Leave It to
Beaver"names like Itchy and Lumpy.But it also stars all the
originalactors, has a story by GeorgeLucas (who removed hisname),
and there's an ll-
minute cartoon introducingcult-hit bounty-hunterBoba Fett.
Bootlegsabound, there's a forumfor it on the official"Star Wars"
site, andyou can petition forits video release at
www.petitiononline.com,/smcrandalpetition.html.Frank Loviceis a
freelancewriter.
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-uNoo
