Stop Bullying. Together.

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Stand Up.Speak Out.

A Guide for Parents, Guardians, and Communities

Be a Role ModelDear parents, guardians and community members:

This guide is part of a series of documents that are being given out by the Chignecto Central Regional School Board (CCRSB) to students, school staff, parents, guardians and community members to begin a conversation and to inspire effective action to address bullying. One piece of a larger strategy, these resources were written in cooperation with researchers from Dalhousie University and are intended to provide students, parents, guardians and community members with some basic information about bullying, what CCRSB is doing to address it and how members of our school communities should deal with it when it occurs. This specific resource for parents, guardians and community members also summarizes what is known about preventing bullying and dealing with it when it occurs. It takes key points from the CCRSB Code of Conduct and explains what is expected of all members of our school communities.

Students in grades Primary to 12 were given a resource titled, “Stand Up. Speak Out. Stop Bullying. Together.” It is our hope that you will take time to review these resources with your children and talk about the information and recommended actions discussed inside. We all have a role to play to stop bullying at school, in our homes and in our communities. The first step is to make sure we are talking about the issue. Children mirror the actions they see. So let’s show them what a safe, accepting and caring community looks like. Let’s show them what it means to Stand Up and to Speak Out for one another. Let’s show them what relationships without bullying look like.

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Recognizing Bullying BehaviourTo understand and combat bullying we need to make sure we are all on the same page about what bullying is, how and why people bully others, and which roles are involved in bullying.

What does bullying look like? Bullying is using aggression repeatedly to dominate, frighten or harm another person. Those who bully want to cause fear, embarrassment or harm to another person and they do it over and over again. Bullying can be direct and open or indirect and subtle. It’s also bullying if you help or encourage someone who is bullying another person. There are four main types of bullying:

• Physical bullying - hitting, pushing, shoving, kicking or physically hurting another person, stealing or damaging the property of others.

• Verbal bullying - saying mean things, teasing, name calling, humiliating or threatening someone.

• Social bullying - spreading gossip/rumours, ruining friendships or relationships, and excluding people from groups on purpose.

• Cyberbullying - using technology such as email, instant, text or picture messaging, and social networking sites (e.g., Facebook, Ask.fm) to bully others.

Why do people bully others?

People often bully others because of some perceived difference, such as ethnic group or culture, religion, sexuality, disability (mental or physical), socioeconomic status (where someone lives or how much money their parents/guardians make) and appearance.

It is important to reinforce that reporting a

bullying situation is not done to cause trouble or to hurt other people, but is done to protect everyone and keep them safe.

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What are the different roles involved in bullying?When we talk about bullying, it’s important that we don’t use labels to describe others (i.e., he’s a bully, she’s a victim). Labels suggest that the person’s actions can’t change and focus attention on the person rather than the behaviour that needs to change. This is not the case. Children and adults who bully don’t do it all of the time; sometimes they are the ones being bullied.

There are three main roles people can take in bullying situations:

• People who are bullied.

• People who bully others.

• People who witness bullying. There are four ways people can be witnesses to bullying:

•Supportingthebullying-encouraging the bullying and sometimes joining in. This will almost always prolong the bullying.

•Reinforcingthebullying- providing an audience for bullying by laughing, clapping or showing support in another way. This will almost always prolong the bullying.

•Observingthebullying- silently watching the bullying happen, not supporting it, but not trying to stop it. This sends the message that bullying is okay and can encourage future bullying.

•Defendingagainstbullying- stepping in to help the person being bullied. This is very effective, especially when done by one student in support of another.

Why don’t students report bullying?Students don’t report bullying for a lot of reasons:

• They think adults won’t understand or they feel that their concerns will be dismissed.

• They think nothing can be done about it.

• They fear retaliation from the person who bullies and their friends.

• They don’t want to appear weak to their peers, teachers, parents or guardians

• They want to belong.

• They don’t know how to talk about what’s happening to them or what they’re witnessing.

• They don’t recognize that what’s happening is bullying.

• They believe that the person deserves it.

• They are embarrassed and feel ashamed.

Bullying hurts everyone, the person being bullied, the people watching it happen and the person

bullying others.

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How does bullying affect people?People involved in bullying often have emotional, behavioural and relationship problems and they often become depressed or anxious. These changes may happen quickly or may take months or years to develop.

People who are bullied may:

• Lose interest in school or other activities.

• Have low self-esteem or say negative things about themselves.

• Feel unhappy, lonely or isolated.

• Feel anxious or depressed.

• Have thoughts about harming themselves.

People who bully others may:

• Have trouble forming healthy relationships.

• Have trouble finishing school and keeping jobs.

• Feel sad or depressed.

• Be more likely to commit crimes as adolescents or adults.

People who witness bullying may:

• Feel sad or depressed.

• Feel anxious or worried.

• Have difficulties trusting others.

Myth: Bullying is a school problem.

Truth: Bullying is a community problem. Although bullying often occurs

at school, it also happens in many places in our community, including adult workplaces, on teams and

clubs.

Stand Up. Speak Out. Stop Bullying. Together.

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What can I do to be a Role Model and stop bullying?Often, parents, guardians or community members who witness the effects of bullying on a child may feel powerless. You are not powerless! If your child tells you they are being bullied, it’s important to:

• Stay calm. You are part of the child’s support system and by staying calm this will help you both develop a successful plan about what to do next.

• Listen to your child and reinforce their right to feel safe. Be supportive but do not immediately jump in to offer advice or take over the problem. Older children and teens may need to feel that they are in control of the situation; they may simply want you to listen or they may want you to help them work out a solution. Realize that you may not have all the answers to this question and ask for help.

• Record the details of the bullying incident and report it to the appropriate authorities. This may be your child’s school if the bullying is happening there or impacting their life at school, or it could be the police.

• Talk to someone you trust. If the bullying involves criminal behaviour (e.g., sexual assault, use of a weapon, threat to safety), contact the local police department. Although talking to the parents/guardians of the other children or adolescents involved can occasionally help, it can also make a situation worse. If the bullying happens at school or effects your child’s life at school, talk to the principal. The principal can help to figure out what’s going on and is often in the best position to do this, especially when several families are involved.

• Keep an eye on your child’s behaviour and ask questions. Constant checking-in will help you see if there are signs the bullying has stopped or may be getting worse. This can be as simple as asking your child how the day went and gently pushing if all you are hearing is “okay”. It’s also important to look for changes in your child such as avoiding normal activities or school, no longer being interested in the computer or cell phone, changes in mood and new complaints of feeling sick, especially on school days.

The majority of youth who are cyberbullied

do not report the incident to an adult and even fewer youth say that

they would report the incident if they knew somebody who was being

cyberbullied.www.prevnet.ca

Stand Up. Speak Out. Stop Bullying. Together.

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What advice can I give my child if they are being bullied?• Talk to an adult, like a teacher, parent or another adult they trust, about what happened. Explain to them

that telling an adult is not “tattling” or “ratting” someone out because they are doing it to help someone get out of trouble, not to get someone into trouble.

• Talk to a friend, brother or sister about what happened. A friend or sibling may be able to help them by going with them to see an adult, by being with them in places where bullying happens, or just by being there to support them.

• Walk away. Explain to your child the importance of not fighting or talking back to the person who is bullying them.

• Call the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868. This is a help line that is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Someone on the help line will be there to listen to what your child has to say and can help them with their bullying problems. You can also visit the Kids Help Phone website at www.kidshelpphone.ca.

Stand Up. Speak Out. Stop Bullying. Together.

Myth: Children grow out of

bullying.

Truth: Children and adolescents of all ages are involved in bullying behaviours,

although the types of bullying may change. Younger children are more likely to be

involved in direct physical bullying, whereas adolescents may be more likely to participate in verbal/social bullying

and cyberbullying.

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How can I help to stop cyberbullying?Cyberbullying can be particularly difficult to stop because it is not always easy to define or record. However, there are some steps that you and your child can take to help stop cyberbullying.

• Stop: It is important that neither you nor your child try to reason with or talk to the person who is cyberbullying.

• Block: Block the person who is cyberbullying to prevent them from contacting your child again.

• Talk: Talk with your child about what happened and ways of stopping this in the future. You can also inform your child’s school, call a help line and/or report it to the police.

• Save: Remember to save any instant messages or e-mails your child receives and capture any comments or images that have been posted online.

• Set guidelines with your child about where the computer is, how much time they can spend on the Internet, and where they can go online. Talk to your child about responsible online behaviour and stay updated on what is happening online.

• Become familiar with and monitor computer and smartphone use. Consider enrolling first time users in a short course on how to behave online. Also consider getting your child to sign a contract to give you the right to look at their messages and revoke their privileges if they are sending negative messages.

• Help your child keep their passwords secure. Do not give passwords to anyone else. People can use passwords in ways that you don’t want them to and/or can give them away to other people. Make sure that only you and your child know their passwords.

Adapted from the Media Awareness Network (2006)

Stand Up. Speak Out. Stop Bullying. Together.

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I think my child might be bullying others, what can I do?• Find out if they are bullying others. Different people will bully others for different reasons.

Understanding why they are bullying now will help you and your school (if appropriate) create an action plan to stop the bullying behaviour in the future.

• Help them understand how and why bullying hurts other people and reinforce the values of caring and compassion. Let your child know there are consequences to their actions and, depending on the situation, their actions could be considered illegal.

• Explain the importance of stopping and thinking before acting. Help them learn to take a moment to stop and think about how what they do or say might affect another person.

• Help them develop different strategies for controlling emotions in different situations. Help them learn how to be assertive without being aggressive, and to understand that there are different ways of dealing with angry feelings without hurting others.

• Talk to your child’s school. By getting the school on board it will be easier to work together to develop an action plan with your child’s best interest in mind.

Stand Up. Speak Out. Stop Bullying. Together.

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What can I tell my child if they witness bullying?

• Show support for the person being bullied. If you reach out to someone who is being bullied this will help them know they are not alone.

• Help the person being bullied get away. If it is safe to do so, help the person being bullied walk away from the situation by creating a distraction or offering a way for the person to leave. Remember that it is important that you do not put yourself in a situation where you do not feel safe.

• Talk to a teacher, principal or another adult that you trust.

• Don’t give bullying an audience. By watching and providing an audience for bullying, you are saying that bullying is okay. Some people continue to bully others because they feed off of the attention. Do not give them that attention. Go and get help.

What is CCRSB doing to help stop bullying now and in the future?In our schools, students who bully others – in person or online – can face a variety of progressive consequences. That means that the more often the bullying happens, the more severe the consequences will become. If your child or a child you know is involved in bullying at school, and it comes to the attention of school staff, you will be contacted. School staff will work with everyone involved to try and make the situation better, and to stop bullying in the future. This includes working with the person who is bullying others to try and understand why the bullying is happening. In addition to discipline, though, we need to consider the relationships we all have with each other and how bullying behaviours can harm these relationships.

While it is important to talk about what can be done immediately when bullying happens, it is also important to try to prevent bullying before it occurs. Creating a positive school climate and having socially and emotionally aware youth, who care about one another and help each other, has been shown to reduce bullying in the long term. A school with a positive climate is a place where both academic success and healthy relationships are equally important, there is active participation in extra-curricular activities, and there are open dialogues between all members of the school community. A positive school climate is linked to more optimism, increased senses of safety and better grades as well as decreases in aggression and bullying. Adapted from the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning

Many programs are available to help teachers and educators promote health and wellness, social-emotional learning and anti-bullying practices/strategies to help create a positive school climate. Your child’s teachers are continuously evaluating the school’s needs and implementing appropriate additional programs in support of the school curriculum. If you are interested in more information on the curriculum or programs currently in place, please contact your local school administrator.

“In the end, we will remember

not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our

friends.”- Martin Luther King, Jr.

We want to hear from you!What do you think should be done to help address bullying and make our schools the best they can be? If you have any ideas please send them to StandUpAgainstBullying@ccrsb.ca.

If we are all Role Models and Stand Up and Speak Out, together, we can stop bullying in its tracks!

ResourcesChignecto-Central Regional School Board (CCRSB)www.ccrsb.ca

Canadian Prevention Science Cluster (CPSC) Atlantic Hubwww.cpscatlantic.ca

Collaboration for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL)www.casel.org

Department of Education and Early Childhood Developmentwww.antibullying.novascotia.ca

Eyes on Bullyingwww.eyesonbullying.org

Kids Help Phone1-800-668-6868 or visit www.kidshelpphone.ca

Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence (PrevNet)www.prevnet.ca

Teen Mental Healthwww.teenmentalhealth.org

US Department of Health & Human Serviceswww.stopbullying.gov

Stand Up.Speak Out.

Stand Up.Speak Out.

Stand Up.Speak Out.

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Chignecto-CentralRegional School Board

60 Lorne Street, TruroNova Scotia B2N 3K3ph: (902)897-8900fax: (902)897-8989

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Stand Up. Speak Out. Stop Bullying. Together.