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Bicester & Kidlington Branch

Keeping you in touch

www.nct.org.uk/branches/bicester [email protected]

Spring 2015 Newsletter

Inside: Modelling behaviour; a dads perspective on parenting. Chatter Matters: communication from birth. Motherhood: A legacy of love

NCT, Alexandra House, Oldham Terrace London W3 6NH, Registered charity no. 801395

www.nct.org.uk/branches/bicester | [email protected] | page 2


Contents

Regulars Features

Message from the Editor

Advertising Costs

Days out with Kids

Birth Story

4

21

7

6

Chatter Matters

Modelling Behaviour

Dads in the Kitchen

Double Birth Story

10

16

17

18-20

NCT Information

Events

Your Local Branch

Welcome

NCT National News Headlines

NCT Hire

21

10

4

3

Local Groups

Baby Clinics

Bumps and Babies

9

9

5

NCT Hire Services Medela Breast Pumps & Valley Cushion

Call Fran (one of our ante-natal teachers) on 01869 277075 or 07005 802454

The views and opinions expressed in this newsletter are those of individual contributors, and do not necessarily reflect the views of the National Childbirth Trust. The

appearance of an advertisement in this newsletter does not imply endorsement of the company or its products by the NCT, nor does it constitute a recommendation.

You are strongly advised that when considering the use of any supplementary health service, you satisfy yourself that the credentials of those concerned are clearly

established. The NCT cannot be held liable, for loss, injury or damage arising out of goods sold through any adverts in this newsletter. Any discount offered to NCT

members by any advertisement is done so entirely at the discretion of the advertiser. The information in this newsletter is for the use of NCT members only, in

connection with NCT. activities, and may not be used for any commercial purposes. The conditions of the Data Protection Act (1988) may apply.

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Dear Reader, I am delighted to bring you the Spring issue of the Bicester & Kidlington NCT newsletter which brings you an update on local services (our website has a more comprehensive listing), as well as a selection of articles which we hope you will enjoy. I hope you enjoy the newsletter. Thank you to all who contributed and helped edit. Also, a big Thank You to our won-derful advertising supporters who help make the newsletter possible. Very best wishes, Rajdeep Kaur.

Latest NCT News Headlines

NCT response to budget announcement on maternal mental health.

18/03/2015 Frustrated parents take to

Parliament to demand answers on childcare.

Tue, 03/03/2015 NCT Response to the National

Maternity Survey from the NPEU. Tue, 03/03/2015 NCT response to NICE advice on

midwifery staffing levels. Thu, 26/02/2015 Source: http://www.nct.org.uk/media for full articles.

Email Contacts: Branch Enquiries: [email protected] Advertise with us: [email protected] Financial management: [email protected] General Enquiries: [email protected] Newsletter matters: [email protected] Nearly New Sale: [email protected]

Twitter @BicesterNCT Will give you updates and reminders for all our

Editorial email [email protected]

NCT Helpline 0300 330 0700 For practical and emotional support in all areas of pregnancy, birth and early

Did you know? NCT has created a Goodle+ community.

Bicester NCT Bumps and Babies The main Facebook hub for Bicester


No membership required

Thursdays, 10:00am to 11:30am (inc. half terms) At Emmanuel Church Bicester, Bure Park, OX26 3HA

Breastfeed whenever you like, bottle warming facilities are available. Lift access, free parking and new baby changing facilities

NEW! Breastfeeding support Every week, one of our newly trained peer-supporters will be on hand to help/support

any mums with breastfeeding issues. No need to book, just pop in and see us!

Speakers & Taster Sessions: A variety of musical and developmental baby groups, introducing solids talks, postnatal

fitness sessions & many more

Check our facebook group for more details or email us at [email protected]

1.50 per session


Birth story: Second time water birth

Birth Story

If you would like to share your birth storyget in touch [email protected]

Two weeks before my due date I was truly ready to give birth. My body had had enough: I had severe Pelvic Girdle Pain and sciatica down both sides. I ached and creaked and could not play with my two year old on the floor as she wanted. I had to sit up in bed in order to turn over at night. I hurt so much. I wished baby number two would arrive early. But it wasn't to be. My due date came and went. Three days later I woke up at 7am with period pains. I had never been so pleased to find my body in pain! I carried on with my day in the normal way, only stopping every ten or so minutes to breathe through the shooting pains that lasted about 30 seconds. By 6pm the pains were severe and lasting 40 seconds but they were not regular. I knew if I went into the hos-pital assessment unit they would just send me home as they had done two years before. My first labour lasted 3 days so I didn't feel I needed to be in any rush at all! We ate our dinner and I put my little one to bed, trying to disguise the contractions so as not to worry her. When I came downstairs my husband said he thought we had better go to the hospital; I reminded him that my contractions weren't regular and told him I would ring up once I had sat down and watched X Fac-tor!! 9.10pm arrived and as I had been sitting down my contractions had regulated. At this point I was 4 to 5 minutes apart lasting 50 seconds. I was managing to control them using my breathing techniques that I had been learning at my Daisy Birthing yoga classes. I was definitely ready and sure I would-n't be sent home this time, so I rang the assessment unit and they told me to come in immediately. We gathered our things together, gave Granny a shout to babysit and went to the JR. We arrived at 10.20pm and went into the assessment unit. A midwife met us and immediately rang upstairs to the Spires unit to ensure they were ready for me. No check for me, I was definitely in full on labour! We were met at the door by a lovely midwife who informed me that the birthing pool I had wanted was being used and the other rooms were being upgraded. My heart sank. Mid contraction I lost it and panicked. I had a water birth last time and really wanted one this time! The midwife in charge heard me and came to the rescue saying the lady in the pool needed to go downstairs so the pool would be free shortly. I calmed down and went into a side room to wait for the pool to be cleaned. They promised me they would rush! Once in the room I was examined I was told I was 7 to 8cm dilated and so I got in the water at 11pm. As soon as my bump went into the water I felt a huge surge of relief as the water helped to support my bump. My husband joined me in the water and rubbed my back whilst I breathed through each contraction. It really helped. At 11.35pm I started to feel pressure and at 11.39pm my waters went. 7 minutes later I had given birth to a gorgeous little boy! My body went into shock due to the quick delivery but I recovered quickly thanks to the amazing midwives. I cannot thank them enough for all they did for me. We were discharged and home by 5.30am after a casual shower and tea and toast! We got home and went to bed. Our little girl got up and found us in bed with a new baby brother for her. She knew nothing of my labour. We were only out of the house 7 and a half hours after all!

I really enjoyed my second labour after my long, three day first labour! I didn't want any pain relief and man-aged to use my breathing coupled with the water and my husband's back rubs to get me through. I thoroughly recommend the Spires unit at the JR. Both of my babies were born in the same birthing pool. It was fab.

If you would like to share your birth storyget in touch [email protected]


There is a diverse range of attractions that will cater for children of all ages. I'm looking forward to going back annually, or thereabouts, so that my son can delight in all the rides that will now be available to him. We went on a Sunday and though the car parks appeared to be fairly full, it didn't seem to be uncomfortably crowded in the park. There was minimal traffic when we were leaving, which was a great relief to me, as there's only one thing worse than waiting in a traffic queue, and that's waiting in a traffic queue when you are going home after a tiring day out. My son formed a very passionate relationship with the model village, specifically the trains that hurtled round the representation of Newcastle. In principle, I have no objection to this, but spending the remaining hours of the day staring at them didn't strike me as an attractive pro-spect. A small scene ensued. If I were interested in playing "spot the commercial sponsorship" then I could surely have stood there with him for days. Lunch was a hearty portion of fish and chips. Very reasonably priced and, as an annual membership holder, I enjoyed a further discount. I was expecting astronomical prices in the restaurants but was pleasantly sur-prised. I was, however, disappointed by the sweet shop. At first glance it seemed immense, but once I was in-side I discovered that the range was actually very limited, and there were actually a dozen or so containers of each variety. Which makes sense, as it reduces crowding and fighting, but I had spent the entire day antici-pating the pleasures of losing myself in a market of obscure and diverse confectionary.

By Pete Hall

Day out: adventures in Legoland

By Raj Kaur (2015)

Star Wars is a big theme at Legoland and this is due to get BIGGER as they are launching a variety of new themed attrac-tions in May 2015.

We went over the Easter break for three nights as part of a package deal booked through Legoland resorts. We stayed at the Crowne Plaza Marlow which has the usual amenities' (swimming pool, gym and inclusive buffet breakfast) as well as an outdoor hot tub, adventure playground and an improvised indoor play area. I was happy that the hotel offered us a family room with two double beds and was pleasantly surprised with the child friendly touches (e.g. kids welcome pack, Easter egg hunt, colouring table and complimentary milk and cookies). Offering ample outdoor grounds for the children and a beautiful view of the lake - being 30 minutes away from Legoland was not an issue for us. Legoland is a great theme park and theres something for all age groups from toddlers to adults. We had a two day pass and broke up our visit by visiting nearby Windsor castle which was very busy over the Easter break. Dear Husband kindly queued for over an hour whilst we visited Windsor museum which had lots for the little ones to do (colouring, dressing up, toy castles, stain glass making). The waiting and crowds were worth it and we hope to visit again as we converted our tickets to annual passes for free.

Pros: Could be better:

Close to Bicester Would get a queue jump ticket next time

Variety of rides for all age groups

Other attractions close by.

Early April was too cool for the kids to enjoy the outdoor splash safari. To go again in Summer would mean longer queues and crowds. So its a catch 22 for us as this is probably the best attraction for under 7s.


Local Groups

Welcome to all the new babies. Wed also like to welcome those of you who are expecting your baby. We hope you manage the Autumn and Winter months and that all goes well. Do find out more about how your local branch can help support you on our facebook group or at one of our events.

Mondays

Breastfeeding supportKaleidoscope Childrens Centre, Kidlington. 10-12noon

Breastfeeding ClinicJR Maternity Dept, Oxford. 10am-3pm (01865 221695Sally Inch)

Bumps & BabiesAmbrosden Childrens Centre (Blackthorn Rd, OX25 2LN) 1-3pmfor babies and

toddlers under 18 months with self weighing scales and midwife clinic

Stay and PlayBrookside Childrens Centre, Bicester 9-11am (1 donation)

Twins/Multiples GroupGlory Farm Childrens Centre9.30-11.30 (term time only)

Tuesdays

Well Baby Drop-in ClinicBrookside Childrens Centre, Bicester 9:30-11am (with breastfeeding

support at the drop in session) (1 donation)

Baby Caf BusHeyford & Caversfield Childrens Centre 10-12noon

Stay and PlayGlory Farm Childrens Centre, Bicester. 9.30-11.00 (1 donation)

Breastfeeding ClinicHorton Hospital, Banbury. 2-5pm (01295 229454)

Banbury and District Community Drop-in sessionThe Community hall, Army Garrison, Ambrosden

10:30am-12 noon

Islip Baby ClinicIslip Village Hall. 10:30-12:30 first Tuesday of the month

Well Baby Drop-in Clinic - Brookside Childrens Centre, Bicester 9:30-11am

Wednesdays

Well Baby Drop-in ClinicGlory Farm Childrens Centre, Bicester. 9.30-11.00 (1 donation)

Gosford Hill ClinicGosford Hill. 2-4pm

Breastfeeding cafeThe Hub (Courtyard), Launton Road, Bicester, 10:30-12 noonstaffed by the

health visiting team and the midwives

Thursdays

Bumps and BabiesEmmanuel Church, Bure Park10.00-11.30am

Well Baby Drop-in ClinicAmbrosden Clinic. 1-2pm

Stay and PlayGlory Farm Childrens Centre, Bicester. 9.30-11.00am

Breastfeeding ClinicJR Maternity Dept, Oxford. 10am-3pm (01865 221695Sally Inch)

Stay & Play for under 5sAmbrosden Childrens Centre 1-3pm (with self weighing scales and health

visitor between 1-2pm)

Fridays

Kaleidoscope Childrens CentreKidlington. 1-3pm

Breastfeeding ClinicHorton Hospital, Banbury. 9-12 (01295 229454)

Stay and PlayBrookside Childrens Centre, Bicester 9.30-11.00 (1 donation)

Saturdays

SaturdadsBrookside Childrens Centre, Bicester. For details contact the Childrens Centre on

01869 2496041st Saturday of the month

Welcome


Talk to your baby

Babies love to listen to the voices of their parents. They are highly receptive to tone and rhythm and may move their bodies in time with the adults speech. They also imitate facial expressions, and begin to learn how these are related to the meaning of the words.

Many adults speak to young babies in a special way, adopting a higher-toned, sing-song voice, with exaggerated smiling and wide open eyes. Others use the same tone as to adults, but choose phrases with lots of repetition, nonsense words and sounds, perhaps imitating the babys noises. All of these are good ways to communicate. It does not matter greatly which approach you prefer, but it does matter that the baby receives warm, positive attention, with lots of eye-to-eye contact.

Babies quickly learn that conversations happen by taking turns, and you can support this learning by making sure that you listen, then respond. Remember, though, your baby is using a lot of his energy and concentration in the process, so let him rest again before too long.

How can I encourage my baby to talk? Tips on baby language development

There are lots of things you can do to encourage speech development in babies at this stage:

Copy sounds your baby makes. This will encourage more noises and is the start of conversations. Hold your baby near your face when you talk to them so that they can see you clearly.

Talk to your baby about what youre doing. This will help them to start to learn words. Talk in a sing-song voice to your baby. This will keep them interested in what youre saying.

Have some special time with your child each day to play with toys and picture books. This article was written using information provided by I CAN, the childrens communication charity and the Talking Point website.

Chatter matters

The Social Baby: Understanding Babies Communication

From Birth - DVD.

Available at NCT online.


Motherhood: A Legacy of Love

A sweater is a garment worn by a child

when the mother feels chilly.

Barbara Johnson, Literary Critic

And always remember

When the tough times come, as they often will,

and the waters seem unnavigable and strange,

you can take comfort in several things:

You are never alone. Every mother who is

worth her salt has navigated these waters,

too. While they are unfamiliar to you, they

are universally understood by all mothers

through the ages. Draw from their experi-

ences and fuel your life from their expertise.

Find comfort in those who have gone before.

You can do this. Remember back when you

brought this baby home, scared to death

that you wouldnt make it through the night

without doing something very wrong. Its a

learn-as-you-go life lesson, and one that

builds upon itself.

Love yourself, love your child, and take joy in

each and every moment.

Lenore Skomal, Author

When you are a mother, you are

never really alone in your thoughts.

You are connected to your child

and to all those who touch your

lives. A mother always has to think

twice: Once of herself and once for

her child.

Sophie Loren, Actor

From the moment of your

childs birth, raising his or

her life is now a process

of letting go.


Children make you want to start life over.

Muhammed Ali, Professional Boxer

It will be gone before you know it.

The fingerprints on the wall appear

higher and higher. Then suddenly

they disappear.

Dorothy Evslin, Writer

One

generation

plants the

trees; another

gets the

shade.

Chines Proverb

Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or

as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop

his own identity especially when you struggle to keep your own.

Kelly & Parsons, Writers

As time passes and the cycle of life continues, your children and

your childrens children will pass on what you have given today.

The impact of maternal love is far-reaching.


Com

pila

tion:

R.K

aur.

Bic

este

r N

CT


ParentsNearby - free

Launched to connect like minded parents using their LinkedIn and Facebook networks, increasing the odds of a rewarding connection based on interests and friends in common.

My Baby Today - free

This app offers a range of daily advice guides and videos on your child's de-velopment and milestones, as well as allowing you to record photos and your baby's growth - but you'll have to register your details first. The app is con-nected to the Baby Centre website and forum which offer further information.

Breast Feeding Friend (iPhone) and Breast-feeding (android) - both free

If you're breastfeeding but are having difficulty keeping track of when you've fed, how much and from which breast, these apps will help you remember.

Cozi Family Organizer - free

With a calendar, shopping list, to-do list and journal that can be updated by different family members, this organizer aims to streamline family life.

Childcare.co.uk - free

An add on from the website www.childcare.co.uk, this is a useful app for finding local childcare, from nurseries to babysitters. Including fees and contact information, it also has reviews for some service providers.

Useful Apps & Tools


Stuart Derrick

As all parents know, children dont come with a manual. Despite the number of experts who try and convince you otherwise, you are largely on your own when it comes to working out what works for your own set up. Everyone is different, and everyone finds their own way. That isnt to say that we dont all face common issues, such as how to bond with our children, how to get them to sleep when they should, how to potty train them, and how to get them to listen to what we tell them at least some of the time. Behaviour can be one of the toughest areas to get right in parenting. If youre too tough, you can stifle your children and damage your relationship with them. If youre too lenient, then youre not doing them any favours in the long run. I know that there is a belief among some parents that saying no to children is unnecessarily nega-tive and that you should find more imaginative ways of diverting their attention. My attitude is that there is a whole world of no out there, and that the sooner they learn about it, the better pre-pared they will be. Whoops! Ive outed myself as a tough, inflexible dad already! Except Im not really. At least not all of the time. Like most parents I suspect Im a mix of good cop and bad cop, sometimes inconsistently so. I love my children, but I want them to be well behaved, whatever that means. Because when it comes to behaviour, its not always clear what is good. What you classify as high spiritedness, might be completely unacceptable to another parent, and vice versa. We also tend to change from one day to the next. Jumping on the bed is fine when its the weekend, but not when youre looking forward to that last 15 minutes of kip before sloping off to work. There are times when my two are driving me insane that I definitely snap into bad cop mode and start issuing summary justice no TV today or tomorrow, that toy is confiscated, and go to your room! Then when my wife asks what the problem was Im forced to admit that it was something fairly trivial they were shouting or being annoyingly boisterous when I was trying to read the paper. They are five and three she will patiently explain, put-ting me firmly in my place. As a parent, you have to ask, what it is that you expect of your children and why? Some basics are fairly univer-sal: dont hit other children, dont tell lies, be polite, and so on. Others are more mixed up with our own attitudes and beliefs. Twenty or thirty years ago, children were probably expected to be a bit more seen and not heard, but do many people subscribe to that now? We may have different expectations of our children than our parents did of us, and that includes behaviour. One of the challenges for many dads is that they may work during the day, so they arent around when behaviour-al issues arise. As such, they can feel out of the loop on decisions that have been made. There is also the danger that dad is cast in the wait til your father gets home role. No dad really wants to get in after a day at work to find themselves as the moral arbiter when they just want some family time, however that can be the nature of the par-enting team. Where there are two parents, instilling good behaviour and tackling behavioural problems is a question of team-work. Both of you need to be consistent in your approach because it can take time to change behaviour, if that is what you are trying to do. Small children forget things. Theyve got a lot going on in their lives, so constant and gentle reminding is important, if a little wearing for parents. As can the continual refrain of Why? Although the temptation to yell, Because I say so! can be overbearing at times, you should always explain why you want children to do something. Children can have a strong sense of whats fair and unfair, so you need to make sure that they know why they are being asked to do something, or told off. You also need to be sure why you are doing it. Is a childs behaviour an issue because it is dangerous, selfish or discourteous, or is it just annoying or embarrassing you at this particular moment? Whats to be gained from mak-ing it a big issue? Sometimes you have to pick your battles.

Modelling behaviour, a dads perspective on parenting


Stuart Derrick

When I was a child I reckon that about 90 per cent of my meals were provided by women: my mum; my gran; aunties; friends mums, and school dinner ladies.

My dad could cook, but he kept his powder dry for special occasions, such as the Sunday roast, Christmas din-ner and barbecues. He also had a penchant for exotic new dishes, such as spaghetti bolognese, which was about as far out as things got where I grew up in rural Scotland. Maybe it still is. The everyday grind of turning out breakfast, lunch and dinner was given over to my mum, despite the fact that she also worked. It was just the way things were in those days. As a consequence I was largely brought up on convenience food. My mum was one of the first generations of women to benefit from the widespread availability and relative cheapness of processed food. She was also a sucker for TV advertising. My sister and I used to joke that whenever there was a new product advertised on TV, we would be seeing it on our plates next week. We were brought up on fish fingers, potato waffles, crispy pan-cakes and frozen pizzas. Whatever veg we shuffled to the side of our plates inevitably came from a tin. Well, it never did me no harm! Fast forward 30 years or so, and havent things changed? Thanks to Jamie, Gordon and a host of other TV chefs, cooking has been reinvented as a suitably male friendly activity - its competitive, has lots of gadgets and even more swearing - and the kitchen is no longer a place where we dads fear to tread. Dads are as likely to be hustling everybody out of the kitchen to make room for their cheffy touches as they are to be banging cutlery on the table and demanding to be fed. But its no longer enough to shuttle a frozen offering from freezer to microwave, et voila, dinner is served! Nowa-days, parents can spend as long fretting about the provenance of the food they serve their children as they do cooking it. Is it local enough; is it GM free; is it Fairtrade? And thats before it has even felt the hot side of a frying pan. Im as guilty of this as the next new man. Ive certainly gone down a different route to that taken by my parents. By and large we cook meals from scratch, try and use fresh vegetables as much as possible, and try to all eat together. And I do a lot of the cooking. Its something I love to do. One of the reasons, besides innate greed, is that its a great way of bonding with our kids. Like many NCT parented children, both of our boys were breast fed for the first year, which seems to have given them a great start. It does however limit a dads involvement in the early stages of childhood. Unless your wife or partner is expressing milk, or you are mixing feeding, there isnt a lot dad can do to interject into this cosy little relationship. So the introduction of solids is a happy time for dads, as they can start to become more involved with feeding. This is probably of great relief to partners as well, as they can share a bit more of the burden. Its a time for dads to step up to the hot plate and start showing off their finely honed chef skills. Or maybe not. In as much as cooking for children can be fun and fulfilling, it can also be a soul destroying affair. There is little appreciation of your efforts and little discernment. A carefully crafted, nutritious, homemade meal will inevitably be trumped by fish fingers and chips. Kids don't care about provenance or cooking effort. They care about having something that they know, and having it now, or 5 minutes ago. Food in the early stages of weaning also bears little resemblance to anything you might want to eat yourself. I couldnt believe it when our eldest actually liked Annabel Karmels misleadingly named lovely lentils recipe. There was little to love as far as I could see, but as he seemed to appreciate them, I cooked up a vat and froze huge quantities for future meals. Job done! Except that as quickly as hed taken to them, he went off them. For dads who work unsociable hours, cooking is a great way to show that you know that family meals are im-portant. Doing a bit of cooking can give your partner a break and brings you closer to your children. And if the resulting mealtime is loud, chaotic and messy, whod have it any other way?

Dads in the kitchen: a dads perspective on parenting


NCT Editorbyfleeteditors

Scarlett was always a big wriggler - I absolutely loved that feeling - but I vividly remember my community mid-wife telling me that if I ever felt reduced movements I should go to the hospital to be checked out. I never want-ed to be someone that bothered midwives unnecessarily, but at 30 weeks Id been a little worried for a couple of days that she didnt seem to be quite as active as usual, so I took myself up to the hospital, genuinely more worried that it was late. When the midwife couldnt find a heartbeat and she went to find a doctor to do a scan, I phoned my husband. I just knew it wasnt normal at this gestation for them not to find a heartbeat pretty quickly. A registrar came with a mobile scanner and even my inexperienced eyes could see there was no movement on the picture where there should have been. She didnt want to say anything for sure until the consultant confirmed it, but I just knew. My little girl would never wriggle again.

My husband and my sister came to be with me. I knew that I would have to deliver her, although I remember my husband asking whether a C-Section might be more humane for me somehow. But I knew straight away that I needed to bring Scarlett into the world in the most normal and natural way possible. I was given a drug to help get my body ready for delivery, and some sleeping tablets to help me get through the following few days before I would be induced. The day later, I was introduced to the hospitals bereavement midwife, Jane. Little did I know what a big part of my life she would become over the next 3 years. We talked about all sorts of things, but the best piece of advice she gave me was not to think any further beyond how I wanted to spend the time I would get with my little girl. There would be time to think about funerals later.

I spent the next two days getting organised and packing my hospital bag. Things needed taking out: I wouldnt need a supply of nappies. Other things needed to be bought: I needed a beautiful outfit that would fit a 30 week old baby. Friends and family rallied around me. My brother-in-law bought me a TENS machine, my best friend went shopping for babygrows because I just couldnt face it, and my husband held me through all the tears.

I went into hospital with my husband at around 10am three days later to be induced. My sister joined us later and was a total rock. Labour ward was waiting for me and we were given a private room. The registrar whod delivered the heartbreaking news just a few days earlier was there to induce me - it was good to see a familiar face. Liz, the midwife who spent the day with me was fantastic. I needed reassurance that my daughter would look beautiful which she gave me. I think she understood my need for normality. By around 2pm I had what I would describe as mild period pains so I got my TENS machine working. By 5pm I was enjoying the gas and air, while simultaneously watching Strictly and eating lasagne! People find it odd when I tell them that I actually had a lot of fun during labour. I was just desperate to see the beautiful baby we had created. I wanted to hold her and tell her how much I loved her. My labour finally started to be well-established around 8pm and a couple of hours later I decided that this was no time to be a hero and that I would have an epidural. Im glad I did - it ena-bled me to get some sleep, particularly as I learnt I was only 1cm by the time it went in. I suppose my body was really quite a long way from being ready for labour.

Around 5am the next morning, I felt like the epidural was no longer working so well and I needed gas and air as well. At this point I think I was going through transition. My waters were broken and Scarlett was born at 5.55am after a few small pushes. She was beautiful and I loved her instantly. Of course, there were many tears. But there were kisses and cuddles, just as any normal mummy and daddy would want. The night-shift midwife, Janet, helped me to bath her, something I felt very strongly I wanted to do. We took 180 photos in total - we had two days in which to form a lifetime of memories. I was very very proud of her and wanted to show her off just like any other new mum. Most of our family were able to come and see her and hold her, as well as few of our closest friends. I only wish more people could have seen her. She was just perfect.

Double birth story


Two days later, we had to say our goodbyes. I have only ever seen my husband cry twice in our fifteen years together and this was one of those moments. It was the hardest thing to do as we had both agreed we wouldnt see her again after her post mortem. Her funeral took place about four weeks later, just before Christmas. It was small - just family and a few close friends - but it was a perfect goodbye. Her ashes are scattered on Parliament Hill, a place we went to regularly while I was pregnant, and where we hoped we would visit again and fly the kite with her future brothers and sisters.

Scarletts death remains a mystery, but sadly seventeen babies are born sleeping every day in the UK. Its fif-teen times more common than cot death, yet people just dont realise that unless they have been affected by stillbirth. I have always been very open about Scarlett: she will always be my first born and Im fiercely proud of her, but I also do it to raise awareness and break the taboo.

I had a miscarriage before falling pregnant with Scarlett, and remember being driven to try again as soon as possible afterwards. The same feelings returned after Scarletts death, although with hindsight I probably launched into it all too quickly. Nonetheless, I was stunned and very pleased to find out nine weeks later that I was pregnant again. Sadly, this too ended in miscarriage, and I began another painful journey in learning that I was also going to suffer from recurrent miscarriages, all due to chromosomal abnormalities, despite my husband and I both having normal chromosomes. I had another two after that one, so when I fell pregnant again in July 2013, I didnt really think of it as anything other than a positive pregnancy test. When I had some spotting at 7 weeks, I was in shock when an early scan showed a healthy-sized blob on the screen with a beating heart. At 10 weeks I had another scan and went for the Harmony test: everything was fine - we discovered I was carry-ing a little boy - and I started to believe that perhaps this time I wouldnt miscarry. However, it would still take a huge leap of faith to believe that I would finally get to take a baby home with me.

My pregnancy was fraught with worries. I thought I would feel more reassured once I felt movement - with an anterior placenta this time I didnt feel anything until about 18 weeks. But once I did, then I worried how much I was feeling him and whether it was less or more than the day before. I was lucky enough to be able to see my bereavement midwife or my consultant pretty much whenever I wanted, for a quick listen in with the doppler or a quick scan to check the heart was still beating. Then from 20 weeks onwards, I started to have monthly growth and doppler scans with the fetal medicine specialist. Every scan was incredibly reassuring and on the weeks in between I would go to the day assessment unit to be monitored.

Working out my birth plan turned out to be fairly straightforward. Neither me, Jane nor my consultant, Kirsten, wanted me to go overdue, but we all wanted me to try and wait until 38 weeks. I wanted to be monitored regu-larly, and I wanted to request intervention at the earliest sign of any distress during labour, but otherwise I want-ed to have as natural a birth as possible. At 37 weeks, I went into overdrive - I had three sweeps and three rounds of acupuncture in a week! I was drinking raspberry leaf tea like it was going out of fashion, and I walked everywhere!

On the day of my induction, I went in at 8am for one dose of prostin. Jane came in early to do it and stayed right through until I was settled postnatally the next morning. She is truly amazing. She came back once an hour to have a listen in to baby and check he was OK which thankfully he was. It was then a case of mobilising whilst waiting for things to start. After a bit of pacing the corridors, a cheeky bacon sandwich and a walk to the local shops to buy lunch, I was getting semi regular tightenings that were a bit more painful than period pains. Kirsten also popped in on her day off to check all was well - I felt like royalty!

At 2.30pm, Jane moved me to labour ward where my waters were broken with the help of some gas and air for pain relief. She was happy that although my cervix hadn't dilated much, it had thinned and softened enough to give me a few more hours before having to think about the drip which we both really wanted to avoid if possible. Cue lots of bouncing, pacing the corridor, and using my TENS machine for pain relief. I wanted to stay on my feet to keep things progressing, so didn't go for the gas and air until the pains were too much and I had also tired myself out by being vertical for so long. My sister arrived around 4pm, as I really wanted her to be there during happy times, given what an incredible support shed been for me when Scarlett was born.

Cont...


Eventually I moved onto the gas and air at about 6pm and I got myself to around 3-4cm. My bladder got quite full and I couldn't face the walk to the other end of the corridor to go to the loo so Jane brought me a bed pan. I'd been sat down for a while at this point so the act of emptying my bladder and being vertical really brought his head onto my cervix and my contractions hotted up. I was really pleased that I was able to avoid the drip and remain active. A couple of hours later I was in a lot of pain and asked to be examined to see if I wanted an epi-dural. I was only 6cm so asked for one. The anaesthetist came within 15 mins and after a bit of trouble getting the cannula in my hand, got the epidural in really quickly. However, again being vertical and also the last exami-nation had really brought baby down well and I felt the urge to push while it was still going in. Amazingly I went from 6cm to pushing within an hour. I only had time for about a quarter of a dose of anaesthetic, which was great as it took the edge of things but I still had that guttural urge to push - absolutely no chance of going against it. I pushed for about 50 minutes. Apparently Jane spent about 15 mins pushing him back in because my perineum wasn't as stretchy as you might expect for a second timer, I guess because Scarlett was so little. As a result I only ended up with a couple of stitches, when I think it could have been a whole lot worse.

At 10.55pm, Charles Hector Louis came screaming into the world. He was delivered onto my tummy and I was able to get him to latch on soon after delivery just as Id hoped for. He weighed 7lb 3oz and was 55cm long - it looks like he's destined to be tall. Jane had called Kirsten a couple of hours before he was born so shed raced back up to the hospital as she wanted to be there for delivery, and she also stitched me up. Id baked a cake the night before, so at about midnight, she wheeled in a big pot of tea and we all had tea and lemon drizzle cake! I was then lucky enough to be allowed to go to the birth centre postnatally, rather than the main (and very noisy!) postnatal ward. We went home at tea-time the next day.

I have been lucky enough to have the most phenomenal care over the last three years. All the consultants and midwives I had contact with during my pregnancy came to visit me the day after and I genuinely could feel how pleased they were for us. I couldn't have done it without them. They have been a huge inspiration to me, and having given up my job in the City about a year after Scarlett was born, I am about to start a second degree, training to be a midwife. I hope that my experiences will arm me with empathy and if I can do half as good a job as the women who looked after me, then I will be proud. I would also love to work as a research midwife in the future, working to understand the reasons behind recurrent miscarriage and stillbirth. Personal experiences are the most powerful driver.

I still can't believe I finally have a beautiful living baby in my arms. I feel so incredibly lucky to have him, although Im also very proud of my own resilience and determination through everything, as well as the strength of the re-lationship my husband and I have. We hope to have another baby in the next few years. Were prepared for the fact that I will undoubtedly have more miscarriages along the way, but knowing that we have Charlie will give us the strength to keep on trying.

Cont...


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Your Local Branch Team

Bicester NCT is looking to expand it's group of volunteers....

If you enjoy our Nearly New Sales, attend Bumps and Babes, use NCT antenatal groups or are simply looking for something new to get involved in, please consider joining us! We are a group of Mums and Dads who arrange and run all of the above activities in our own time, to help and support the parents and babies of Bicester. No specific skills are required and if you feel you can offer up a couple of hours of your time please contact us. You can leave your contact info below if you would like to be contacted by a member of our team for more infor-mation. We hold regular pudding evenings to discuss events so why not come along for a chat?

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Bev Rush Bumps and Babies Volunteer

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Jane Frickey Breastfeeding Peer Support

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Lots of parents use time out as a means to help their child learn about desirable and undesirable behaviour. If youre considering using time out as one of the arsenal of tools in your family, or if youve been trying it and havent had much success, maybe some of these hints may help: What is time out for? Time out is a brief period of time when the child who is misbehaving is removed from the parent or from the ac-tivity they were taking part in. The idea is that it removes attention from the child while they are not behaving well, rather than reinforcing the undesirable behaviour by giving negative attention. Time out is also a period of time out for the parent it often allows a wound up parent to calm down and be able to deal with the child more effectively. Time out is not a punishment in itself, just a chance to put a pause in the action.

How should it work? Time out works best when it is used after the child been given an opportunity (has been asked) to change their behaviour and has not done so. Putting children straight into time out without warning can sometimes be confusing. Most experts recommend no more one minute of time out for every year of age the child has, e.g. three minutes for a three year old. The time out place must be less stimulating than the place they have been removed from, so a bedroom full of cool toys is not the greatest place to pick. Because it is a breather for the child to think about their actions and not a punishment, time out should ideally be dealt with matter-of-factly and not with loads of negotiations or telling off. It can be a quiet place in the same room, a step, a hallway, or a boring room, but never somewhere dark or scary. How do I do a time out? First tell the child what they need to do / stop doing. If they dont comply, tell them again in a firm voice and add If you dont do it you will have to have a time out. If they dont comply, lead them calmly to their time out place and tell them firmly again why they are going there. Dont get into long explanations, apologies or bargaining, just repeat the instruction and keep conversation to a minimum. Ignore shouting or complaining. Time out starts when the child is calm. Set a timer if needed. Sometimes parents have to initially hold a door closed or stand next to the child to ensure they stay put. The child needs to know they are safe and someone is nearby but that this is non-negotiable. Dont talk during time out. When the time out is over, tell the child they can come back. Repeat the instruction. If they dont comply, start again.

What do I need to know about Time Outs?

Alternatives to time out

Take a 5 minute break together Problem solve together Ask questions Read a story together Use puppets to explain Give two choices Go outside together Draw a picture of the problem Invite child to use a chill-out corner

The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day.

- M.Grundler

By Joanne ThorleyNCT Editor


NCT is calling for all parties to commit to taking action on four priority issues:

More midwives

Improving maternal mental health services

Increasing maternity and paternity pay

More support with childcare costs for working parents

Documents

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