South Carolina Living March 2013

GOING TO The

DOGsInside the Grand American Coon Hunt and Show

Gar d e n BOu nT y

Big harvests from small spaces

SC STO r i e S

When in Romeh u mO r m e

My other car is a tank

MA

RCH

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March 2013 • VoluMe 67, NuMber 3

Member of the NCM network of publications, reaching more than 7 million homes and businesses

Printed on recycled paper

THE MAGAZINE FOR COOPERATIVE MEMBERS Vol. 67 • No. 3

(ISSN 0047-486X, USPS 316-240)

Read in more than 450,000 homes and businesses and published monthly except in December by The Electric Cooperatives of South Carolina, Inc. 808 Knox Abbott Drive Cayce, SC 29033

Tel: (803) 926-3 1 75 Fax: (803) 796-6064 Email: [email protected]

Keith PhillipsaSSIStant eDItoR

Diane Veto ParhamFIeLD eDItoR

Walter AllreadPuBLICatIon CooRDInatoR

Pam MartinaRt DIReCtoR

Sharri Harris WolfgangDeSIgneR

Susan CollinsPRoDuCtIon

Andrew ChapmanWeB eDItoR

Van O’CainCoPY eDItoR

Susan Scott SoyarsContRIButoRS

Allison Askins, Becky Billingsley, Mike Couick, Jim Dulley, Hastings Hensel, Carrie B. Hirsch, Jan A. Igoe, Charles Joyner, Megan McKoy-Noe, S. Cory TannerPuBLISheR

Lou GreenaDVeRtISIng ManageRS

Tel: (800) 984-0887 Dan Covell Email: [email protected] Keegan Covell Email: [email protected] RePReSentatIon

National Country Market Tel: (800) NCM-1181

Paid advertisements are not endorsements by any electric cooperative or this publication. If you encounter a difficulty with an advertisement, inform the Editor.

aDDReSS ChangeS: Please send to your local co-op. Postmaster: Send Form 3579 to address change, c/o the address above.

Periodicals postage paid at Columbia, S.C., and additional mailing offices.

© CoPYRIght 2013. The Electric Cooperatives of South Carolina, Inc. No portion of South Carolina Living may be reproduced without permission of the Editor.

South CaRoLIna LIVIng is brought to you by your member-owned, taxpaying, not-for-profit electric cooperative to inform you about your cooperative, wise energy use and the faces and places that identify the Palmetto State. Electric cooperatives are South Carolina’s — and America’s — largest utility network.

GOING TO The

DOGsInside the Grand American Coon Hunt and Show

Gar d e n BOu nT y

Big harvests from small spaces

SC STOr i e S

When in Romeh u mO r m e

My other car is a tank

MA

RCH

201

3

S C L I F EStoRIeS

21 Doing as Romans didSouth Carolina’s top Roman reenactor explains how Christian faith and a love of history combine into one interesting hobby.SCene

22 Top dogsFor coonhounds and their people, the Grand American Coon Hunt and Show is a tail-wagging good time.tRaVeLS

28 Harboring historyExplore the romance of the sea at Georgetown’s South Carolina Maritime Museum.ReCIPe

30 A samplin’ o’ the greenHyatt’s apple coleslawSt. Paddy’s cabbage dinnerShamrock green biscuitsRuth’s refrigerator cookiesCheF’S ChoICe

32 Country cooking with a side of nostalgiaStep inside Lone Star Barbecue and Mercantile for a taste of what life used to be like in rural South Carolina.huMoR Me

38 You need that like a lobster needs a cell phoneJan Igoe on four sure signs that America’s consumer culture has gotten completely out of hand.

34 M A R K E T P L AC E

36 S C E V E N T S

4 CO - O P CO N N E C T I O NCooperative news

6 O N T H E AG E N DAApply now for the 2013 WIRE Opportunity Scholarship. Plus: Learn how extended federal tax credits can help you recover up to $500 of the cost of your next home improvement project.

P OW E R U S E RDIaLogue

10 Principled leadershipJack Wolfe recently retired after 38 years as CEO of Mid-Carolina Electric Cooperative, but his influence continues to shape co-ops across the nation.eneRgY Q&a

12 Keep indoor air healthyLearn how central air cleaners catch up to 30 times more pollutants than standard air filters and maintain the efficiency of your HVAC system.SMaRt ChoICe

14 Riding the busWe’ve got eight USB-powered devices to make your workday a little more productive—and a whole lot more fun.

hundreds of top coonhounds, from across the u.S. and canada, converge on orangeburg the first weekend of every January to compete in the Grand american coon hunt and Show. Photo by Milton Morris.

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F E AT U R E 16 Small spaces, big bounty

Raised-bed gardens make it easy to harvest fresh, tasty produce right in your own backyard. Here’s everything you need to get started.

14

mailto:[email protected]



On the Agenda

For a

complete listing

of Events, see

page 36Highlights

MARCH 16, 23 And 30

Horsing aroundGet your outfits ready—it’s time for Aiken’s Triple Crown and Camden’s Carolina Cup, for horse and hat aficionados. The Aiken Trials on March 16 marks the first leg of the Triple Crown—officially six races at Aiken Training Track, but unofficially a day of fabulous tailgating and friendly betting, plus contests for best hat and best spread. Following closely on consecutive Saturdays are the Aiken Spring Steeplechase, where horses leap fences while fans enjoy their feasts and fashions, with the Pacers and Polo match chasing hot on its heels. Camden’s 81st Carolina Cup will run its six races on March 30 and dress things up with a new feature behind the grandstand—a Paddock Shoppes village with popular retail vendors and Cup merchandise.For details, visit aikentrainingtrack.com or call (803) 648-4631; aikensteeplechase.com or call (803) 648-9641; pacersports.com or call (803) 641-3406; also, carolina-cup.org or call (803) 432-6513.

toP PICK FoR KIDS

APRIL 11–20

Come-See-Me FestivalDon’t own your own frog? No worries—kids can borrow one on site to compete in the Mayor’s Frog Jump at Cherry Park on April 13. Hop over to the kazoo parade later that day at Old Town Market, or leap into any of the kid-friendly events dotting this 10-day Rock Hill festival—a teddy bear tea party, ice cream sundaes with festival mascot Glen the Frog and Mother Goose, chalk art on Main Street or the Healthy Kid Zone fitness activities. Fireworks and skydiving exhibitions will entertain grown-ups, too.For details, visit comeseeme.org or call (803) 329-7625.

APRIL 15–21

RBC HeritageThe star of this year’s PGA tour stop at Hilton Head Island’s Harbour Town Golf Links may be a Jumbotron. Heritage Lawn is the new spectator gathering area at the 17th green and 18th tee, with a giant video board broadcasting live coverage, plus hospitality and activity tents with games, giveaways and concessions. Palmetto Electric Cooperative cosponsors the tournament, which features a $5.8 million purse and some of golf’s best players.For details, visit rbcheritage.com or call (843) 671-2448.

APRIL 12–14

World Grits FestivalIf you love grits enough to go swimming in them, head to St. George. The tiny town, which claims to consume more grits per capita than anywhere else in the world, fills a kiddie pool with grits and lets contestants soak them up by the pound. Indulge in other grits-inspired contests and meals, or watch an old-fashioned mill grind corn into grits that you can take home.For details, visit worldgritsfestival.com or call (843) 563-7943.

MARCH 22–23

Smokin’ at the Farmers Market Commissioner’s Cup BBQ Cook-Off & FestivalPig out for two days at the State Farmers Market in West Columbia, while teams from around the South show off their barbecuing skills. Friday night’s “Anything Butt” contest focuses on dishes without pork, and Saturday zeros in on the best-prepared Boston butts and pork ribs. Kids 12 and under get in free with three canned goods for Harvest Hope Food Bank.For details, visit scstatefarmersmarket.com or call (803) 737-4664.

6 soUth CaroLina LiVinG | MaRCh 2013 | sCLiVinG.CooP

EMAIL COMMEnTS, QUESTIOnS And STORy SUggESTIOnS TO [email protected]

appliances account for about 13 percent of your home’s energy use. If they have energy-saving settings, use them. If they’re nearing voting age, consider replacing them with a new, energy-efficient model. and remember to try smart power strips for smaller appliances and electronics that continue to draw power even when turned off. For more tips, visit energySavers.gov. soUrCe: U.s. DePartment of enerGy

WIRe scholarship means opportunity for womenWhen Leah WaLteRS SaW a DeSCRIPtIon of the WIRE Opportunity Scholarship in South Carolina Living last spring, she thought it was meant for her.

The $2,500 scholarship goes each year to a woman who is an electric cooperative member, who has been out of school for several years and who is ready to complete her educa-tion—just like Walters.

“It was kind of meant to be,” says Walters, a Mid-Carolina Electric Cooperative member from Lexington.

Walters is now enrolled in a nursing program at Midlands Technical College, and the WIRE scholarship lifted the financial burden of an expensive first semester—books, stethoscope, blood pressure cuff and other starting materials.

“It was a real help to not have to struggle so much,” the mother of three says.

Application forms are now available for the 2013 WIRE Jenny Ballard Opportunity Scholarship. The one-time scholarship is awarded to a woman who may not have been able to attend college when she graduated from high school but now wants to further her education. WIRE (Women Involved in Rural Electrification, a community service

organization affiliated with the electric cooperatives in South Carolina) awards the scholarship based on financial need and personal goals.

An applicant for the WIRE scholar-ship must: l be a member of a South Carolina

electric cooperative l have graduated from high school or

earned her GED at least 10 years ago l be accepted into an accredited S.C.

college or university, and l demonstrate financial need and

personal goals.Women who have previously

obtained a four-year college degree are not eligible. Applicants may have previously earned a two-year degree or some college credits. The scholarship, which can be used for the fall 2013 or spring 2014 semester, will

be paid jointly to the winner and her college of choice.Applications are available at your local electric

cooperative or by download from scliving.coop. The deadline to apply is June 3. Mail the application to WIRE Scholarship Committee, Attention: Bobbie Cook, Aiken Electric Cooperative, Inc., P.O. Box 417, Aiken, SC 29802, or fax to (803) 641-8310. —Diane Veto Parham

leah Walters, mother of three and recipient of a 2012 WIre scholarship, is studying to be a nurse.

energy efficiency tipONLY ON ScLiving.coopVisit SCLiving.coop this month for web extras and other cool stuff.Fight like a Roman: Watch a video of Roman reenactor Rusty Myers (see page 21) as he demonstrates the weapons and combat techniques of a centurion.Room to grow: When there’s no more square footage in your home vegetable garden (see page 16), the only way to go is up. Learn how trellises can help you harvest more produce.one tasty deal: If you’re handy in the kitchen, let the world know it by using our online form to submit your best recipes. For each one we publish in the magazine, we’ll send you a $10 BI-LO gift card. Look for the link at SCLiving.coop/food/recipes.aspx.

LIKE US ON FACEBOOKLet the world know how much you enjoy living in South Carolina by liking our page at facebook.com/SouthCarolinaLiving.

S.C.RAMBLE!By Charles Joyner, see answer on Page 35

23753539If you punch in this number on your telephone keypad you will spell out the name of a South Carolina county.

PhoNe-etIcS

1 2ABC

3DEF

4GHi

5JKL

6MNO

7PqRS

8Tuv

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sCLiVinG.CooP | MaRCh 2013 | soUth CaroLina LiVinG 7


energy tax credits are backneeD an InCentIVe to juMP-StaRt that home improvement project? Here’s one: The American Taxpayer Relief Act of 2012 revived energy-efficiency tax credits to the tune of $500.

The credits are designed to offset the cost of upgrades such as super-efficient water heaters, heat pumps, central air conditioners, building insulation, windows and roofs. This marks the third extension of the incentive initiated by the federal Energy Policy Act of 2005. The last round expired in 2011; the new legislation covers 2012 upgrades along with projects undertaken in 2013. If you’ve already received an energy tax credit, you’re out of luck—there’s a lifetime cap of $500.

The amount of the credit varies by upgrade. Taxpayers can recoup

up to 10 percent of the cost of new insulation, for example, but the credit is capped at a total of $500 for all improvements. Labor costs are not covered. Eligible upgrades include insulation materials, systems designed to reduce a home’s heat loss/gain, exterior doors, skylights and windows ($200 maximum for upgrades between 2006 and 2013) and qualifying metal or asphalt roofs.

Replacing your home’s heating or cooling systems? You could qualify for a tax credit ranging from $50 to $500 for units put in place between Jan. 1, 2012, and Dec. 31, 2013. Eligible improvements include electric heat pump water heaters

with an energy factor of at least 2.0 ($300 cap) and qualifying central air conditioners ($300 cap).

To file for energy tax credits, use IRS Form 5695, and be sure to get a Manufacturer Certification Statement that proves the product qualifies for the tax credit.

For full details on qualifying upgrades and individual caps, visit energystar.gov/taxcredits. —meGan mcKoy-noe

On the Agenda

aM PMminor Major minor Major

gOnE FISHIn’The vektor Fish & Game Forecast provides feeding and migration times. Major periods can bracket the peak by an hour. Minor peaks, ½ hour before and after.

MaRCh 17 2 :16 8:01 11:46 4:01 18 2 :16 8:31 — 5:16 19 — 8:46 — 6:46 20 11:46 3:46 — 8:01 21 9:31 4:01 1:46 9:01 22 9:46 4:16 3:01 9:46 23 10:16 4:31 3:46 10:16 24 10:46 4:46 4:31 10:46 25 5:01 11:16 5:16 11:31 26 5:31 11:46 — 6:01 27 12 :01 5:46 6:46 12:16 28 12 :31 6:16 7:31 1:01 29 1:16 6:46 8:31 1:31 30 1:46 7:16 9:31 2:16 31 2 :31 7:46 11:01 3:16aPRIL

1 3:16 8:16 — 4:31 2 9:16 12:46 — 5:46 3 11:16 2:16 — 7:16 4 8:46 3:01 1:31 8:31 5 9:31 3:31 3:01 9:31 6 10:01 4:01 4:01 10:16 7 4:31 10:46 4:46 10:46 8 4:46 11:16 11:31 5:31 9 5:16 11:46 — 6:16 10 12 :01 5:31 6:46 12:16 11 12 :31 6:01 7:31 12:46 12 12 :46 6:16 8:16 1:16 13 1:16 6:46 8:46 1:46 14 1:46 7:01 9:46 2:31 15 2 :16 7:16 11:01 3:16 16 3:01 7:46 — 4:01

Write SCLLetters to the editor We love hearing from our readers. Tell us what you think about this issue, send us story suggestions or just let us know what’s on your mind by clicking on the Contact Us link at SCLiving.coop. You can also email us at [email protected], mail to Letters, South Carolina Living, 808 Knox Abbott Drive, Cayce, SC 29033, or send a note by fax to (803) 796-6064. All letters received are subject to editing before publication.

LETTERSempowering peopLeI want to thank you for the article “Politics and power” in the January issue of South Carolina Living. It was a very enlightening and educational article about where our electricity actually comes from, where the “hidden fees” are charged and how it all affects our electricity bill each month.

I agree wholeheartedly that “the power to tax is the power to destroy,” and only wish you could explain that concept to our legislators. I really appreciate what the cooperatives are doing for members in keeping us informed, especially now in this new era of high taxes and higher prices on food, gas and everything else related to our daily lives.CarLene Carmen, Conway

CORRECTIOnThe February 2013 cover feature “Deep Secrets” contained an incorrect photo credit on page 13. The photo of Senior Conservator Paul Mardikian holding the spar tip was taken by Senior Archaeologist Maria Jacobsen and provided by the Warren Lasch Conservation Center.



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Dialogue

When I CaMe to WoRK FoR the eLeCtRIC CooPeRatIVeS of South Carolina (ECSC) in 2005, one of my first meet-ings was with Jack Wolfe, CEO of Mid-Carolina Electric Cooperative.

Jack had been serving the members of his co-op since the early 1970s, and during his tenure, Mid-Carolina qua-drupled the number of homes and businesses served within its territory. I also knew that Jack served on the board of the National Rural Electric Cooperative Association (NRECA), so it was no surprise when he challenged me to study and take to heart the seven Cooperative Principles— voluntary and open membership, democratic member control, economic participation of members, autonomy and independence, a commitment to education and training, co oper ation among cooperatives and concern for community.

He took a business-card version of the principles out of his wallet and gave it to me. I could see that it was well-worn. We talked about those principles at length on that September 2005 day, and we returned to them regularly whenever we discussed issues or met for lunch.

Jack recently retired after 38 years as CEO of Mid-Carolina, but his legacy of leadership and grassroots advocacy on behalf of co-op members is still felt across the nation. In February, I was thrilled to see him called to the stage at the NRECA annual meeting in New Orleans to receive the Clyde T. Ellis Service Award. The award is conferred by the NRECA Board of Directors to honor leaders who go above and beyond the call of duty in order to further the principles of electric cooperatives.

I have had the extraordinary opportunity to watch Jack work for the cooperative cause at various levels. His ability to search for common ground was a hallmark of his leadership style, and in 2006—after a chicken dinner cooked and served by a local men’s Bible fellowship—he demonstrated that fact when he engaged a member advisory committee in a vibrant two-way discussion about issues facing Mid-Carolina. At his 2011 annual meeting in the Lexington High School auditorium, he had both Congressman Joe Wilson and Senator Lindsey Graham pledge to about 2,000 cooperative members to protect the cooperative’s mission.

On the state level, Jack was a respected leader in the boardrooms of Central Electric Cooperative, the wholesale power supplier to South Carolina’s distribution co-ops, and ECSC, the statewide association of cooperatives. He also earned the respect of state legislators, regulators and other utility leaders.

My most interesting observations of Jack have been at the national level. From 2007 to 2008, he served as presi-dent of the NRECA Board of Directors, where he made sure the voices of co-op members were heard in the halls of power. Under his leadership, NRECA developed the highly successful “Our Energy, Our Future” grassroots advocacy campaign, which brought cooperatives across the nation together in a common lobbying campaign for sound energy policies.

His work on the board also provided the NRECA government relations department the clout they needed to make sure the co-op point of view was incorporated in a comprehensive energy bill. His support for the NRECA Cooperative Research Network (CRN), a co-op–sponsored “think tank” that is exploring new energy technologies, has also paid dividends. Thanks to the work of CRN’s experts, federal regulators and lawmakers now recognize cooperatives as innovators with sound ideas for keeping electricity affordable, reliable and environmentally responsible.

Of course, if you ask Jack about all this, he’ll probably decline to take any credit, but his actions speak for them-selves. Thank you, Jack, and congratulations on an honor that is well-deserved.

Principled leadership

MIKe CouICK President and CEO, The Electric Cooperatives of South Carolina

For his work promoting cooperatives at the national level, Jack Wolfe (center) received the clyde t. ellis Service award from Nreca ceo Glenn english (left) and board member Michael Guidry (right).

LUis G

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With Order of 500 Plugs or More!FREE!To ensure best results, we ship you living sheets of genuineAmazoy™Zoysia Grass, harvested direct from our farms. Plugs arenot cut all the way through. Before planting, simply finish theseparation by cutting 1"-sq. Plugs with shears or knife. Then followthe included easy instructions to plant Plugs into small plug holesabout a foot apart. Our guarantee and planting method are yourassurance of lawn success backed by more than 5 decades ofspecialized lawn experience.

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S. Carolina Living Mar x5143:2013 Master 12/13/12 10:28 AM Page 1

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EnergyQ&A By Jim Dulley

Central air cleaners can catch pollutants and maintain your HVAC system’s efficiency

Q I want the best air quality for my family. Is a central air cleaner a smart investment, and will install-

ing one affect my power bill?

A Indoor air quality is a concern for families as homes become more airtight for energy

efficiency. With all the synthetic products used in homes, indoor air is often more polluted and hazardous to your health than outdoor air.

Manufacturers have begun pro-ducing new, super-efficient central air cleaners designed to be installed in the ductwork of your home’s heating and cooling system. These cleaning appliances use a combination of elec-tronic air charging and high-quality filter media to trap the tiniest par-ticles. They are up to 30 times more effective at removing pollutants than simple, one-inch-thick fiberglass filters, and some can even catch flu viruses and bacteria from the passing air.

Costs can range from several hundred to several thousand dollars, depending on the size and complexity of the system you choose. Professional installation is often required. These

appliances use a very small amount of electricity, but when prop-erly installed, they help your heating and cooling system run at peak efficiency. The effect on your bill should be minimal.

Standard electronic air clean-ers use wires to give air particles a negative charge. A collection cell has plates with a positive charge, so the negatively charged particles stick to it. When the collection cell is dirty, you can wash it out and slip it back into the unit.

For many people, this standard type of electronic air cleaner is adequate. For people with allergies, electronic air cleaners with charged filter media may be more effective. The charged filter media attract and hold more of the particulates that can trigger allergies.

Another option is a pleated media air cleaner. Usually less expensive, this type of unit relies on many square feet of folded filter material to catch particles as the air passes through it. Various levels of media quality and price are available. Consumers can compare the cleaning effectiveness of central air cleaners by comparing their MERV (minimum efficiency reporting value) ratings.

Central air cleaners only work when a furnace or air conditioner blower is running. But what if you want the air cleaner to be working

when neither warm nor cool air is blowing? Aprilaire offers a separate controller that mounts next to the wall thermostat. It allows you to automati-cally run the blower for any length of time when no heating or cooling is needed.

If you don’t want to have the ducts modified to install a new air cleaner, consider a self-charging electrostatic filter. This slips into the existing furnace filter slot in your air return, just like disposable fiberglass filters, but it can be many times more effec-tive. Permanent and washable, it traps dirt particles and allergens as the air flows over the resin filter material. Unlike the disposable filters, it requires regular cleaning.

One final word about home air quality: Whether you use old-fash-ioned fiberglass filters or a central air cleaner, be sure to check and clean or replace the filter element regu-larly. This will help prevent dust and dirt from building up on the heat exchanger and cooling coil surfaces, keeping your system running at maximum efficiency. Send questions to Energy q&A, South Carolina Living, 808 Knox Abbott Drive, Cayce, SC 29033, email [email protected] or fax (803) 739-3041.

GetMoreThe following companies offer wholehouse air cleaners: aprilaire, (800) 3346011, aprilaire.comDust Free, (800) 4411107, dustfree.comLakeair, (800) 5589436, lakeair.comPure air Systems, (800) 8698025, pureairsystems.comtrane, (888) 2325290, trane.com

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p With its great thickness as compared to a standard fiberglass filter, a pleated media air cleaner usually requires professional installation for the duct modifications needed.

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LOCK IT DOWN, R2Like any proper android, the official Star wars R2-D2 4-Port uSB Hub exists to serve mankind— in this case, turning one uSB port into four. it’s also entertaining. Plug in a new device and R2 makes his signature chirps and whistles. C3PO and Death Star blueprints not included. $40. (800) 390-1119; newegg.com.

By BeCky BillingsleySmartChoice

SAFE STORAGEPOCKET PROTECTIONFlash drives are perfect for carrying data in your pocket— but what if the tiny stick, and all its precious information, is lost or stolen? That’s no problem if you’re packing a Corsair Flash Padlock 2 with 256-bit data encryption, because data can only be accessed with a four- to 10-digit PiN. The handy keypad is integrated into the housing. $35–$45 for 8 or 16GB. (888) 222-4346; corsair.com.

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PORTABLE VAULTDesigned for corporate use, the DataTraveler vault Privacy Edition from Kingston Technology is an aluminum-cased, waterproof, portable flash drive with 256-bit AES hardware-based encryption. To guard against malware, it has a read-only mode, and after 10 failed attempts at the password, it locks down and reformats. $20–$303 for 2–64GB. (800) 835-6575; kingston.com.

FIRE AT WILLAdding a friendly-yet-fierce element

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are a software CD and a target, in case you don’t have one. $15. (855) 433-5747; geeks.com.

MAKING CONNECTIONSThe 6-in-1 uSB Adapter Travel Kit eliminates the need to pack a tangle of cables when you hit the road. it features the six most commonly used uSB adapters to link your laptop to printers, cameras, projectors and more. $4. (732) 387-7230; gadgettown.com.

BLACK BOXinspired by data-recovery “black boxes” on airplanes, the ioSafe Solo G3 uSB hard drive protects your data from fire up to 1,550 F for half an hour, from water up to 10 feet for 72 hours or from theft with a bolt-down or padlock-ready slot. Backup software offers full system disaster recovery, and uSB 3.0 connectivity allows for high-speed syncing to tablets, smartphones and MP3 players. $300. (530) 820-3090, ext. 400; iosafe.com.

OFF THE WALLFor those times when you want to use uSB devices (such as oh-so-handy coffee warmers) away from the computer, the innergie mMini is a compact, 15w dual uSB adapter, with two uSB ports, that plugs into a conventional wall socket. $15. (877) 988-6388; myinnergie.com.

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PLuCKIng FReSh, RIPe toMatoeS oR CuCuMBeRS right off a vine in your own backyard is undeni-ably appealing. No matter how tempting that harvest may be, however, an intimidating vision of a vegetable garden—a large plot of land with crops in long, straight rows—prevents potential gardeners from even planting those vines.

Or maybe it’s a question of space. Not every backyard has room for such extensive plots.

The good news is that you don’t need an acre of land to grow your own food. A few square feet, fashioned into a raised-bed garden, can produce a surprising amount of edible produce.

For the novice or hesitant gardener, a raised bed is an excellent way to begin growing vegeta-bles, says Reece Lyerly, director of Gardening for Good in Greenville.

“Raised beds seem more like gardening and in-ground rows more like farming, so raised beds help new gardeners transition to growing their own food in a defined space,” he says.

Chances are you have enough room for at least one raised bed. Consider the benefits that these small-scale, defined plots offer to a gardener:

; The clearly defined gardening space makes raised beds easier to maintain than typical in-ground plantings. It also makes soil preparation, weeding and planting easier.

; For areas with poorly drained soils or a high water table, raised beds improve soil drainage. This is important, because most vegetables abhor wet feet.

; Raised beds can make use of difficult sites, such as those with poor soil, excessive rocks or

Raised beds make home gardening easyBy s. Cory Tanner

S m a l l S pa c e S ,

Big Bounty


even pavement. Raised beds have even been built on old tennis courts and in driveways.

Site selection is crucial. Choose a level area that gets as much sun as possible—at least six hours a day if you’re planning to grow vegetables. Avoid the shade near trees. Not only will shade reduce the bed’s productivity, but tree roots will quickly discover the rich soil of your new bed and compete for water and nutrients.

A spot near your home and a water source is ideal. The more convenient the bed is to your home, the more likely you are to give it the atten-tion it needs. Raised beds will do well on the south side of a building, because they will get ample sun, and the light and heat reflecting off the structure can help protect the bed from cold snaps.

Designing your raised bedBed design is all about personal preference. Your imagination and budget are the only limits. Lyerly encourages gardeners to be creative when choosing materials for their beds. Recycled materials, such as broken concrete sidewalk, may be more affordable for people on a limited budget than pressure-treated lumber, synthetic lumber or stone.

“They can be built out of anything non-toxic that holds the soil in the beds,” Lyerly says. “Dry-stacked materials, like concrete blocks or rock, work great and allow flexibility to redesign the garden later.”

Rectangular beds are the easiest shape to con-struct from dimensional lumber. Design the bed so you can reach the center without ever walking in the planting area—usually 3 to 4 feet wide, depending on your reach. Raised beds should be at least 8 to 12 inches deep to provide a good planting depth. Anything less than 6 inches is basically just a border.

Walking space around your bed should be at least 2 feet wide in order to accommodate roto-tillers and wheelbarrows. Lining the paths with weed-barrier fabric and placing a layer of mulch

the walls of raised beds can be constructed of just about anything non-toxic that will hold soil. the examples shown here are, top to bottom, cast stone, concrete block, recycled concrete and pressure-treated lumber.

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or gravel on top will make them attractive, func-tional and low maintenance.

If you have good native soil, use that as the basis for your bed. Filling your new planting area with pure organic matter, such as compost or potting soil, may seem like a good idea, but soils with more than 20 percent organic matter tend to dry out quickly and degrade rapidly. They won’t hold nutrients as well as blends with native soil, so they’ll need more frequent watering and fertilizing. Instead, add 2 or 3 inches of compost, pine bark or other organic material to the native soil and till it all together to a depth of 6 to 8 inches. Adding a similar amount of organic matter each year will help maintain excellent soil for the long term.

To establish new beds, Lyerly recommends “double digging” the soil beneath the planting area.

To double dig a bed, remove the top 10 to 12 inches of soil and set it aside. Insert a spading fork as deeply as it will go into the soil beneath to break it up, and mix in compost. Then gen-erously mix additional compost to the soil that

to double dig prior to establishing a raised bed, remove the top 10 to 12 inches of soil. Dig the next layer down, but leave the soil in place and mix in compost. add additional compost to the topsoil that was removed and return it to the bed, but do not mix the layers. Double digging permits deeper rooting by plants growing in the bed.

the Greater Greenville Master Gardeners worked together to build and prepare raised beds for the Project host Soup Kitchen garden in Greenville, which helps feed the hungry in their community year-round.

l Circular sawl Posthole diggerl Cordless drilll Levell Framing square

St e p by St e p : Constructing a raised-bed garden

To construct one 4by8foot raised bed, you will need:l Three 8-foot lengths of 2-by-8-inch

pressure-treated lumberl One 8-foot length of 4-by-4-inch

pressure-treated post l 24 3 ½-inch coated deck screws

1. Begin by marking out a level, 4by8foot area where the bed will be built. Remove as much existing

vegetation (grass, weeds, etc.) as possible by rototilling and raking out stems and roots, as well as rocks or other debris. For troublesome perennial weeds, like Bermuda grass, kill it beforehand with an herbicide labeled for vegetable gardens or by smothering it with layers of newspaper and mulch. Herbicides are only effective if the weeds are green and may take two to three weeks to work. Smothering by layering newspaper, cardboard or mulch may take as long as six months or more.

2. When the area is cleared, you are ready to begin construction. First, saw one of the 2by8 boards

in half to make two 4foot sections; these will be the end boards for the bed railing. Then saw the 4by4 post into four 2foot sections. These will frame and anchor the bed railing. Many home centers will cut lumber to your specifications when purchased.

3. Next, use a posthole digger to dig holes 18 inches deep in the four corners, and place a 4by4 post

in each hole. Position posts so the bed railings will fit on all sides. Using deck screws, attach the 2by8 rail sections to the outside of the posts, starting with the long (8foot) rails. The tops of the rails should be 2 inches above the tops of the posts so the posts aren’t visible in the finished bed.

4. Next, attach the 4foot end rails to each end, making sure the corners are square. Using your

level, make sure all the rails are level. The bed rails should sit on the surface of the surrounding soil, with no gap between the rails and the soil. You may need to dig deeper postholes or backfill slightly to level the rails.

5. When all rails are square and level, backfill around the posts with soil (concrete is unnecessary) and

tamp lightly. Your new raised bed will now be secure, stable and ready to fill with soil.

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was removed and return it to the bed. This extra effort will prepare the soil 20 inches deep, yield-ing better drainage, aeration and moisture reten-tion, and will benefit the bed for years to come.

“Double digging gives an even greater rooting depth for the plants to grow in, allowing you to build shorter bed heights, which translates into cheaper construction costs,” Lyerly advises.

After the bed is filled, submit a sample of the blended soil to your Clemson Extension Office for testing. Follow any recommendations for needed additions of lime or fertilizer, and your bed will be ready to plant.

Planting and caring for your gardenThe sky is the limit when it comes to choosing which vegetables and herbs to plant. You could plant just one crop, but I recommend mixing crops of various sizes that mature at different times (see graphic above). Known as inter-planting, this process creates variety, extends your harvest and reduces the risk of crop failure due to pests or disease. A trellis in your garden will allow you to include vining plants (see photo at right).

Water your raised-bed garden as needed. Hand watering is easy in a raised bed; just be sure to water the soil, not the leaves, to prevent disease.

Inspect your crops daily for pest insects or disease. If caught early, most problems can be remedied by simply removing the pests by hand or plucking off diseased leaves. Yellowing leaves and poor growth are signs of nitrogen- deficient soil, which can be remedied with fer-tilizers such as calcium nitrate or fish emulsion applied alongside the plants. Liquid fertilizers

from a hose-end sprayer are another alternative.Daily inspections will be more fun when it

comes time to harvest. Bring a basket to collect the ripe produce you’ll soon be enjoying from your backyard garden.

S. CoRY tanneR is an area horticulture agent and Master Gardener coordinator for Clemson Extension based in Greenville County. Contact him at [email protected].

web extra Optimize space in your raised bed by utilizing the air above it. visit SCLiving.coop for tips about growing vegetables on trellises.

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Safe for your garden?Prior to 2004, chemicals used to pressure treat lumber contained the toxin arsenic, causing concern that vegetables growing adjacent to treated lumber might take up enough arsenic to cause negative health effects in humans.

Although studies have shown that this is unlikely, lumber companies voluntarily removed these products from residential markets in 2003. Newer pre serv-a tives use safer, copper-based compounds to protect the wood. if you still have concerns about using treated lumber for garden beds, simply affix plastic or rubber sheeting to the inside face of the boards. This will prevent preservatives from leaching into the bed and being taken up by plants. Also, naturally decay-resistant woods, such as cedar and cypress, are available, but they tend to be more expensive.



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get more visit SCLiving.coop for a bonus video and more details on Roman reenactments.

rusty Myersage: 43hoMetoWn: CharlestonoCCuPatIon: Police lieutenantRoMan naMe anD RanK: Justus Rustius Longinus, centurionanCIent RoMan he’D MoSt LIKe to Meet: Longinus, the centurion thought to have pierced Jesus’ side at the crucifixion. “i’d like to talk to him—see how his life turned out.”

Doing as Romans didThe first time Rusty Myers dressed up as a Roman centurion for a church play, the best feature of his makeshift costume was a construction helmet, worn backwards, with broom bristles on top.

Eleven years—and a lot of historical research—later, Myers cuts a striking figure in a more authentic uniform: vivid red tunic; leather harness crisscrossing his torso, displaying phalarae (medallions) for battle heroics; caligae military boots on his feet; and a transverse crest atop his metal helmet, so his soldiers can always spot him.

“People are amazed,” says Myers of the spectators who watch him at S.C. festivals, church dramas and school performances. Most, he says, “have no idea that Roman reenactment even exists.”

it didn’t, in South Carolina, until Myers banded together with a handful of other friendly would-be warriors to create Legio vi, the state’s only Roman reenactment legion. Only 40 or so small groups like his exist nationwide.

For many, he says, it’s an opportunity to mingle their Christian faith with a love of history—a fascination with the military forces overseeing Judea in Jesus’ time.

“you can make Christian history come alive,” he says.

He has written a monologue, “The Confession of Justus,” that he performs during Lent, giving a centurion’s perspective on the crucifixion.

“Only one person stood up for Jesus and said, ‘This is the son of God’—a grizzled, old centurion,” Myers says. “it’s a pivotal moment in the history of the world, and we’re not even sure of his name.” —DIANE VETO PARHAM


SCScene By Diane VeTo Parham | PhoTos By milTon morris

DIxIe BeLLe, juSt 7 MonthS oLD, performed well this morning. As a reward, the black-and-tan coonhound is cozied up next to owner Jack Jones, her head resting contentedly in his lap.

“She started treeing at 4½ months —very unusual,” Jones boasts of Belle’s coon-hunting skills like a proud papa, caressing her sleek head. On this cold January morning, displaying other fine traits in her first-ever bench show, she has won an impressive trophy and ribbon for Best of Breed and Best of Class among female black-and-tan puppies.

“I done called my wife, and she’s all tore up,” says Jones, a bearded and burly dog breeder and hunter from Marshall, N.C. “She loves the trophies better than the dogs do.”

It’s still early on day one of the 48th annual Grand American Coon Hunt and Show, one of the largest coonhound events in the country. Jones and Belle are on the bleach-ers inside the Orangeburg County

For coonhounds and their people, the Grand American Coon Hunt and Show is a tail-wagging good time

coonhounds compete in the Grand american bench show according to the seven coonhound breeds recognized by the united Kennel club. those breeds are american leopard, black-and-tan, bluetick, english, Plott, redbone (at left) and treeing walker.


Fairgrounds Arts Building, watching some 150 other handlers and dogs compete, waiting to find out if they’ll be included in the Best of Show com-petition later on.

Jones passes time swapping stories with other dog owners and scouting the field in the United Kennel Club–sanctioned event, watching the floor where handlers coax their dogs into perfect posture: chest forward, tail erect, nose high.

“Dogs aren’t statues,” breeder Krystle Pickett of Hilliard, Fla., points out. “These are hound dogs, bred to be smelling something, not standing still with their nose in the air.”

Sharp-eyed judges examine each dog, teeth to tail, ensuring they meet breed standards and searching for the one animal that best looks the part of an all-American coonhound.

Like all the handlers showing or hunting with their animals at the Grand American, Jones and Pickett want to win, but they also enjoy the

camaraderie. Part dog show, part coon hunt, part shopping extravaganza, part social gathering, the event is a 48-year-old tradition that attracts some 30,000 competitors, vendors and spectators from across the U.S. and Canada.

Arriving on the scene with no dog, no hunting know-how and not a stitch of camouflage to my name, I am the anomaly. Doesn’t matter. This is an open party. The people are sociable, the dogs are friendly and the whole atmosphere is relaxed.

One common obsession ties it all together: Here, it’s all about the dogs.

Getting down to businessCamo-clad Faye Blackburn has set up shop at the rear of her pickup truck in the grassy parking area. The sun has pushed aside the morning chill, and she bides her time in a folding chair behind a pen of adorable puppies—a mix of beagle and Plott hound—waiting for their charms to lure customers.

“We don’t register these—we just like to hunt ’em and raise ’em,” Blackburn says.

It’s a “relatively close” two-hour drive from her home in Metter, Ga., she says, so she’s come to the Grand American every year for 20 years. She’s not alone. Plenty of other make-shift vendors are doing brisk busi-ness from behind pickup trucks in the parking lot. And plenty of buyers are in evidence, roaming the grounds with new puppies cradled in their arms.

The dogs for sale out here are easier on the budget than the pedi-greed dogs inside the fairgrounds, the ones with family trees far more exten-sive and impressive than most people I know. Stud dogs, most with lengthy lists of titles and hunting wins, are also being promoted in these indoor stalls.

“If someone’s looking for a hound to hunt, they’re looking for one that’s done well in competition hunts,” explains Grand American president David McKee of Whitmire, a member of Broad River Electric Cooperative.

Like the dog breeders on site, commercial vendors here benefit from a targeted market. Booth after booth sells dog boxes, GPS tracking

Sprawled across the orangeburg county Fairgrounds are the vendor tents, pickup trucks and rVs of all who come to take part in the Grand american. a grassy hill is popular with the kids on site, who grab any loose sheet of cardboard for sledding in the sun.

Faye blackburn likes to hunt rabbits and raise beagles and coon dogs at her home in Metter, Ga. She comes to the Grand american to visit with old friends, make new friends and sell her unregistered pups.


the LoSeR IS eaSY to SPot In a tReeIng contest. That would be the raccoon.

The trapped critter is tightly caged and surrounded by barking, baying and howling coon dogs, all trained and eager to go after the nearest coon. (For humans, a similar experience might consist of being lowered—unwillingly—into sharkinfested waters in a metal cage. On the one hand, you have the protection of the cage. On the other hand, there are sharks.)

This caged coon is hoisted and lowered repeatedly from a tree branch. Each time he comes down, he is brought face to face with one of these dogs, his scent inflaming the hound. Then up the cage goes, to the relative safety of a high branch, as the dog below leaps and barks and yowls around the base of the tree for a full minute, while judges count his vocalizations.

Over and over this is repeated, dog after dog, with no hope of reprieve. Well, almost no hope—let’s come back to that shortly.

The winners, on the other hand, are numerous.

This popular sideshow at the Grand American awards trophies to the top male and top female dogs in contests on both Friday and Saturday of the event.

“It’s a tradition that’s been going on since the ’40s or ’50s,” Grand American president David McKee says. “It’s just for the fun of seeing whose dog does the best.”

Top performers have a claim to fame that may translate into dollars. Scattered around the contest site are lucky sellers and buyers of pups that are the offspring of previous treeingcontest champs.

The true winners are the spectators. Crowded eight to 10 deep around the

contest tree, we applaud a keennosed hound that never lets his target out of sight. We gasp and “ooh” at dogs leaping 5 to 6 feet up the tree trunk trying—fruitlessly—to reach that coon. We burst out laughing when one dog, straining at the collar to be let loose, runs right past the tree.

We smile and “aw” at the youngest dog handlers, giving their pups a first try. Whether the dog barks furiously, sniffs around vaguely or wanders back to its owner, the crowd loves the kids.

Now, back to the coon. At contest’s end, he’ll be released to the woods, of course. But if fate intervenes? Midday Saturday at the 48th annual Grand American, as the coon was lowered to the ground, suddenly his cage popped open. Freedom! Wasting no time, the coon scampered up into the highest branches of the contest tree and stayed put well into the night. Score one for the coon. —DVP

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transmitters, leashes, hunting vests, head lamps, jewelry made from used shotgun shells, camouflage-colored comforter sets, “koon huntin’ music”—if it’s remotely related to coonhounds or hunting, you can buy it here. And at a great price.

“It’s like the difference between Kmart and the mall,” Jones says of the bargains. With six more black-and-tans at home besides Dixie Belle, one expecting puppies any day, he planned to stock up on dog and hunting sup-plies after the bench show, while a friend was shopping for a new track-ing system for his dogs.

“Between the two of us, we’ll spend $1,500,” Jones says.

Making his fourth consecutive trip to the Grand American this year, vendor Kyle Evans of Evans Custom Dog Boxes in Jones, Mich., says the event is one of the top three sales venues for his company all year.

“We’ll sell about 24 dog boxes this weekend—that’s a load of dog boxes for us,” Evans says. “It’s well worth coming, I can tell you that.”

His top seller? The camouflage- colored box, of course.

on the huntBy early afternoon on both Friday and Saturday, the bench show is history. Shoppers are browsing at ease, and many of the kids on site have found free

entertainment—sliding down a steep grassy hill on scraps of cardboard boxes.

Now it’s time to shift the energy and emphasis to the night hunt.

Hundreds of hunters—mostly men, a few women—crowd around a pickup truck with a makeshift office cabin in the bed. From here come the announcements: which hunters and dogs you’ll be hunting with, come darkness, and where.

“These next casts are hunting out of Three Rivers tonight,” an announcer calls out to the crowd. “Cast number 50, dog number 285 — that’s two-eight-five; dog number 129—that’s one-two-nine; and dog number 171—that’s one-seven-one. That’s cast number 50.”

And on it goes, for about 30 minutes.

As a spectator, I have to admire the low-tech yet finely orchestrated system of randomly divvying up 323 hunters into 82 “casts” and connecting them to a guide who will steer them to their designated hunting territory, somewhere within an hour-and-a-half radius of Orangeburg.

All the hunting takes place after dark, when the three- or four-person casts take their dogs out to one of 20 or so designated hunting sites. Up all night chasing coons, the hunters have a two-hour window in which to score points for “striking” (barking on the scent of a coon) and “treeing” a coon. The coons are not injured or killed in this hunt.

A good hunter, McKee tells me, knows his dog’s bark. For a newbie like

as president of the Grand american, David McKee of Whitmire is too busy organizing the event to have time to hunt in it. he likes to do his hunting with his 11 -year-old grandson. “You and your dog have to work together as a team,” McKee explains. “You’ve got to know your dog and put a lot of time in with your dog. You’ve got to know what your dog is out doing in the dark.”

coon hunters gather to await the announcements of their assigned cast numbers and hunting territory for the Saturday night hunt. hunters are grouped into ‘casts’ of three or four hunters with their dogs and guided to a hunting location within about an hour and a half of orangeburg.

clay Moody, 3, is the proud new owner of little Dan, a 9-week-old redbone puppy, bought from a breeder at the Grand american whose dog won a previous year’s treeing contest. the son of bo and becky Moody of hilliard, Fla., clay shot his first coon out of a tree last year, using a .22 crickett youth rifle.

SC SCene


BaD LuCK IS the unPReDICtaBLe eneMY in a competitive coon hunt. Maybe the coons aren’t out feeding where your dog is tracking. Maybe your dog trees a possum by mistake or roams outside the designated hunting territory. Every misadventure costs a hunter points.

Then again, as hunter Elliott Shuler of Holly Hill knows, good luck makes a welcome ally.

Shuler, a member of TriCounty Electric Cooperative, recalls a statewide competition in 2011 when he and his dog, Horse Range Kate, were stuck in second place. Time was running out—only four minutes left. Kate had treed two coons that night, but to win she needed to tree one more as the minutes wound down.

She treed two.“Nothing trumps good luck in the end,”

Shuler says, shrugging off the comefrombehind win.

But longtime friend Doug Shuler (no relation), who coowns Kate, credits Elliott’s successes to a passion and skill that inspires other hunters.

“Elliott is respected because people know he puts in a lot of time with his dogs,” Doug Shuler, of Santee, says.

Elliott’s dogs have hunted at the Grand American for more than 20 years. One of his dogs—Coon Hammerin’ Texas Style Zippo—was the 2007 Nite Hunt Champion, and three of his dogs competed this year, one finishing in the top 20 on Friday. His top performer was Cotton’s Cowgirl, who won the Saturday night hunt.

Pride and a commitment to drawing out the best in his dogs radiate from Shuler when he talks about the coonhounds he breeds, trains and hunts.

“I’m looking for a dog that will go hard in these deep swamps and cutovers, that has a little more in go power, heart, drive,” he says. “I’m looking for dogs that run a coon fast—if it’s not the dog’s desire to catch a coon, that’s not the dog for me.”

A member of the Orangeburg County Coon Hunters Association, Shuler, 42, started hunting deer, ducks and doves with his father and grandfather at age 3. As a teenager, he took up coon hunting with “whatever coon dogs we could beg, borrow, steal or find.” Then Charlie Brown, an experienced coonhound owner from Bowman, showed Shuler the art of handling a welltrained hunting dog.

“His dogs were on a different level than what I was used to,” Shuler says. “I didn’t realize that me and my dog was supposed to be a team. I thought the dog was supposed to do all the work.”

Shuler now shares the sport with youth hunters across the state. A wildlife biologist with the S.C. Department of Natural Resources, he merged his work and hobby to initiate an annual youth coon hunt, encouraging the next generation of hunters to appreciate the sport. His daughter, Charlotte, 12, won

this year’s event with Cowgirl.Between farming and his fulltime job, Shuler has less time to

hunt than he’d like. Still, he enjoys the chase (not so much the kill—“If you kill ’em, you can’t hunt ’em again,” he reasons) maybe three or four times a week, taking to the woods with one or more of his dogs in tow.

He calls it “alone time,” but it’s also an investment in his dogs—time that may pay off, soon enough, with a lucky win. —DVP

me, this is hard to fathom, as my ears have been ringing for two days with the cacophony of hundreds of barking hounds. But I learn some subtle distinctions—a “chop bark” or “chop mouth,” for instance, means a series of short, quick barks; a “bawl” is a longer, protracted vocalization. Every dog has its own vocal trademarks.

And there are rules for scoring these hunts. So, so many rules. So many that the hunters themselves occasionally get confused.

Friday night’s hunt turns out to be a low-scoring affair across the board.

“Coons just wasn’t moving,” hunter Greg Kennedy of Kingstree says with a shrug. “My dog treed a lay-up coon [a coon that hasn’t come down

to feed] about 30 minutes after the hunt—that don’t get me nothing.”

Undaunted, Kennedy, a Santee Electric Cooperative member and president of two S.C. coon- hunting clubs, came back Saturday for a second round of competition, hoping to make it into the final hunt. The top four teams from Friday and Saturday nights form an elite cast that ventures out for one final hunt in the wee hours of Sunday morning to determine the championship.

“It’s all about the fellowship,” Kennedy says. “Some people take it too serious, but I try to treat it like it’s just pleasure hunting with a friend on a Friday night.”

Elliott Shuler of Holly Hill fared

a little better than Kennedy on Friday, then won Saturday’s hunt with his treeing walker, Cotton’s Cowgirl, but neither made the final four.

“Sometimes one spot is good one night, not so good the next night,” says Shuler, a past winner of the Grand American. “It’s the luck of the draw—everything just has to go right for you.”

Win or lose, at the end of the day—or night—the competitors are here for the camaraderie, the love of the sport, the beauty of the outdoors, the thrill of the chase and, of course, the love of their dogs.

“You’ll see people from every walk of life out there, mixing and mingling,” Shuler says. “For most people, it’s mostly about the dogs.”

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elliott Shuler and cotton’s cowgirl


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the eConoMIC FoRtuneS oF geoRgetoWn have always been subject to a kind of tidal fluctuation. Indigo, rice, lumber, tourism—each cash crop and industry has risen and fallen through wartime and peacetime, through fiscal boom and bust.

But for every setback, Georgetown finds a way to build itself back up, a resiliency made possible by the fact that it is a port city situated on the Winyah Bay, between the Atlantic Ocean and the many rivers that lead into the state’s interior.

In “1905: Georgetown’s Golden Year,” the lead exhibit at the South Carolina Maritime Museum, visitors can relive the boom times created during the port’s busiest year on record.

Dec. 19, 1905, marked the 100th anniversary of the town’s incorporation, and with business at an all-time high, Georgetown residents threw themselves a glorious Centennial Celebration. Mayor William Doyle Morgan acted as master of ceremonies for a boat parade on the Sampit River that included yachts, lumber ships and the monitors USS Nevada and USS Arkansas. The waterfront festivities were followed by

an equally festive land parade down Front Street in the heart of downtown.

The Golden Year exhibit features 35 enlarged black-and-white photos (many taken during the celebration), newspaper clips and other artifacts that serve as a snapshot of the moment when “the city on the Sampit” was flush with money and optimism, says museum director Susan Sanders.

“It captures the whole festive, explosive energy that was in this area in 1905, which was the pinnacle year for the lumber industry era,” she says.

On display through April, the Golden Year exhibit is the second major display created by the nonprofit museum since the doors opened to the public in February 2012. The facility is operated by the Harbor Historical Association, the group best known for sponsoring the annual Wooden Boat Show—a gathering of wooden-boat enthusiasts who congregate every year in Georgetown for one weekend in October to celebrate all things nautical.

Like the festival itself, the museum relies on a cadre of engaged volun-teers. Visitors to the museum can get a narrated tour from local experts like Robert “Mac” McAlister, who

has authored several books on Georgetown’s maritime history. Guests can also lead themselves through the museum’s collection: framed maps, intricate models of famous Georgetown ships and a rare piece of oak framing salvaged from a wooden sailing ship.

The museum currently occupies a small space on Front Street, but the association’s long-term plans call for expansion as they establish 12 to 15 permanent exhibits to tell even more of the city’s maritime history. Work is already under way on an exhibit covering the history of the Henrietta, the largest wooden sailing ship built in South Carolina. Constructed on the Sampit River and launched in 1875, the ship sailed the world, transporting grain and material, before sinking in a typhoon off Japan 15 years later.

“It’s real important for people to understand that the community is really supporting this whole effort,” Sanders says. “This whole museum is the blood, sweat and tears of a lot of volunteers and community members who want to tell the story.”

SCTravels By hasTings hensel

Harboring history

GetThereThe South Carolina Maritime Museum is located at 729 Front St. on the Georgetown Harborwalk.houRS: 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., Monday through Saturday. aDMISSIon: Free, though donations are welcome.DetaILS: scmaritimemuseum.org or call (843) 5200111. The 2013 Wooden Boat Show is scheduled for Oct. 19. For more details, visit woodenboatshow.com.

author robert “Mac” Mcalister is one of the volunteers who narrate the maritime history of Georgetown. that history includes the sinking of the union blockade ship uSS Harvest Moon in Winyah bay during the civil War. the vessel was serving as adm. J.a. Dahlgren’s flagship when a confederate mine sank the paddlewheel steamer on Feb. 29, 1865.


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Recipe eDiTeD By Carrie hirsCh

Turn your recipes into cash SeND uS Your orIGINal recIPeS—appetizers, salads, entrees, side dishes, desserts and beverages—and for each one we publish, we’ll send you a $10 Bi-LO gift card.Submit recipes online at Scliving.coop or by email to [email protected]. you can also mail them to Recipe, 808 Knox Abbott Drive, Cayce, SC 29033. Entries must be original and they must include your name, mailing address and phone number. Be sure to specify ingredient measurements. instead of “one can” or “two packages,” specify “one 12-ounce can” or “two 8-ounce packages.” Note the number of servings or yield.

What’S CooKIng In SCRecipe auguSt: Fresh veggieswhat to do when generous summer gardeners give you tons of tomatoes, oodles of okra and piles of peppers? Send us your best ideas for soups, pickles, casseroles and other dishes that call for fresh garden veggies. DeaDLIne: june 1

SePteMBeR: Shrimp and grits Shrimp and grits is practically the state’s signature dish, but nowadays folks like to add a little something—goat cheese, green chilies, barbecue sauce, even beer. if your shrimp and grits keep people coming back for seconds, share the recipe with our readers. DeaDLIne: juLY 1

st. paddY’s Cabbage dinnerserVes 6–8

1 medium head green cabbage, cut into 1- to 2-inch wedges

6–8 medium potatoes, washed and quartered, unpeeled 2 pounds smoked sausage, cut into bite-sized pieces Salt and pepper to taste 1 quart water

Place cabbage, potatoes and smoked sausage in a slow cooker (5-quart capacity or larger). Salt and pepper to taste. Stir all ingredients, then pour in 1 quart of water. Cover and cook on high setting for 2 hours, then on low setting 6–8 hours. Cabbage dinner is done when vegetables are tender. Joanne waLton, aiKen

A samplin’ o’ the greenhYatt’s appLe CoLesLawserVes 6–8

N cup mayonnaise N cup light brown sugar 1 tablespoon lemon juice 3 cups green cabbage, finely shredded ½ cup red bell pepper,

seeded and finely chopped 1 medium carrot, grated 2 green onions, trimmed and finely

chopped 1 red apple, cored and chopped 1 Granny Smith apple, with peel on,

cored and chopped

In a large serving bowl, combine mayonnaise, brown sugar and lemon juice. Add all remaining ingredients. Cover and refrigerate for 15 minutes or until ready to serve. Add additional mayonnaise to taste, if needed. If desired, add more brown sugar to lessen the onion flavor.mary sUe GeiGer, CaLhoUn CoUnty rUth’s

reFrigerator CooKiesmaKes 3–4 Dozen

½ cup butter 1 cup light brown

sugar 1 egg, well beaten 2 cups cake flour,

sifted ½ teaspoon cream of

tartar ½ teaspoon baking

soda ½ teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon vanilla ½ cup pecans,

chopped (or favorite nut meat)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a medium bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar using a hand mixer or stand mixer. Add egg and incorporate well. In a separate bowl, sift together cake flour, cream of tartar, baking soda and salt, then stir into butter-and-sugar mixture. Stir vanilla and pecans into dough. Knead on lightly floured surface, then form dough into a log, wrap in waxed paper and chill overnight in the refrigerator. Slice into J-inch-thick rounds and place on greased cookie sheets. Bake 10–12 minutes. If baking two sheets at one time, separate sheets on racks spaced well apart, and transfer one cookie sheet from lower rack to the upper rack and the other cookie sheet from upper rack down to lower rack after 5 minutes, then continue baking.rUth PoLK, hartsViLLe

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JANuARy wiNNER: Russell Fitzgerald, Gilbert. PRiZE: Two nights for two adults in a deluxe studio at inlet Sports Lodge in Murrells inlet, plus $100.00 credit at their award-winning restaurant, “Bliss.”SenD CouPon to: South Carolina Living, 1040 Corley Mill Rd., Lexington, SC 29072 or [email protected]. Entries must be received by April 5, 2013 to be eligible for drawing.

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shamroCK green bisCUitsmaKes 6–8 bisCUits

2 cups all-purpose flour 4 teaspoons baking powder ½ teaspoon salt 3 tablespoons butter, cut into small

cubes 3 tablespoons vegetable shortening ½ cup farmer’s cheese (or small-curd,

low-fat cottage cheese) 2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar ¾ cup whole milk 7 drops green food coloring

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. In a food pro-cessor (or stand mixer with a dough-hook attachment), combine flour, baking powder and salt. Process for 30 seconds. Add butter, shortening and farmer’s cheese, then process again, about 15 seconds. Add vinegar to the milk; stir, then add to dry mixture and pulse for 15 seconds, just until the dough sticks together—it will be tacky. Add green food coloring and pulse for 5 seconds. Dough will be marbled, not fully colored green. Flour hands, remove dough, place on floured cutting board, then shape into a ball by sprin-kling with flour and kneading 20–25 times. Flatten the dough ball to stand about 1-inch high. Using a 3-inch biscuit cutter, cut into rounds. Place biscuits on a lightly buttered baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes or until golden. Serve with green butter.green bUtter 1 stick butter 3 drops green food coloring 2 tablespoons fresh chives or other

herb, finely chopped 2 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley,

finely chopped

Process all ingredients in a small food proces-sor. Spoon into a very small serving bowl, smoothing over with a spatula. Cover and refrigerate until ready to use.marK tierney, oKatie

JeaN G

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SCChef’sChoice By allison askins

When You SteP thRough the SQueaKY porch door at Lone Star Barbecue and Mercantile, prepare to step back in time.

Located on State Park Road near Santee, Lone Star is a rustic eatery cobbled together from four old country stores—some dating back to the mid-1800s—that were relocated from nearby communities. Owner Pat Williams estab-lished the business to give folks a taste of the way life used to be, and when diners sit down at the sturdy, heart-pine tables, they are sur-rounded by shelves still stocked with clothing, shoes and farm implements from a bygone era.

“I was fascinated with old stores,” says Williams, who grew up on a farm in Springfield. “In their day, these stores were the hubs of civilization. That’s where you saw your friends and heard the news.”

The kitchen, run by son Chris, serves up classic country dishes that are every bit as nostalgic as the surroundings. The buffet is piled high with steaming trays of vegeta-bles (fresh and local whenever possible), hickory-smoked

barbecue, crispy fried chicken, sweet-and-crunchy hush puppies and a tomato pie that instantly puts

a satisfying tang in your mouth. “We try to keep it as authentic as possible,” Chris

Williams explains. “We’re very well known for our barbe-cue, but we’re almost as well known for our fried chicken, which is completely an original preparation. We don’t buy breading mix. We mix our own spices and add it to flour. It goes through quite a process before it comes out on the buffet line.”

The younger Williams can cook down-home favorites with the best of them, but he’s not exactly a home-grown chef. After graduating from The Citadel in 1990 and work-ing in Charleston and Columbia restaurants, he entered the Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park, N.Y.

“I just fell in love with it,” he says of his craft. After graduating from culinary school, Chris Williams

honed his skills working in New York restaurants until 2002, when his father lured him home to run Lone Star. Since coming back, he has enjoyed reconnecting with his South Carolina roots and drawing on his training to sur-prise Lone Star customers with some unexpected additions to the popular Sunday buffet.

“Sometimes I’ll do something out of the box,” he says. “Lately, I’ve been having fun doing something French every Sunday.”

Another weekend specialty is bluegrass music. Live bands play every Saturday, and there’s a “pickin’ parlor” for amateur musicians on the first and third Fridays of the month. The restaurant also serves as the setting for annual Labor Day and Memorial Day bluegrass festivals, adding to the nostalgic vibe that defines the Lone Star, says Pat Williams.

“The locals love it,” he says. “The tourists find it culture shock, but they love it, too.”

Country cooking with a side of nostalgia

Lone star tomato pieserVes 15

10 medium vine-ripe tomatoes, washed, cored and sliced

1 cup mayonnaise 1 ¼ cup grated sharp cheddar cheese 1 onion, grated or minced fine 15 slices day-old white bread Salt and pepper to taste

lone Star barbecue and Mercantile2212 State Park Road (less than 1.5 miles off i-95, near Santee) (803) 854-2000; lonestarbbq.netwinter hours: Thursday and Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Saturday, 11:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m.; Sunday, 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.

chris Williams (left) came home to South carolina in 2002 to run the lone Star restaurant with his father, Pat.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Prepare cheese spread by combining mayon-naise, cheese and grated onion. Salt and pepper to taste. Grease a 13-by-9-inch casserole dish with butter or pan spray. Cut seven slices of bread into medium-sized cubes and layer bottom of pan evenly. Layer tomato slices, shingle style, over the bread, reserving the neatest slices. Trim crust from remain-ing eight bread slices and arrange on top of tomatoes. Cover the top layer of bread slices with a little more than half of the cheese mixture. Arrange remaining tomato slices in shingle style as before. Season again with salt and pepper. Dollop remaining cheese spread in rows across the top. Bake uncovered for 25 minutes or until cheese spread turns golden brown. Serve immediately.

“there’s nothing fancy about it. It’s just simple and tasty,” chef chris Williams says of lone Star tomato Pie. Don’t scrimp on the main ingredient if you decide to make it at home. “Fresh, local tomatoes. that’s key.”

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Calendar of Events

UPSTATEMaRCh16 • irish fest, downtown, Gaffney. (864) 487-6244.16 • St. Patty’s Day Dash & Bash, downtown, Greenville. (864) 879-6977.16 • Hagood Mill’s Sixth Annual Kidsfest, Hagood Mill Historic Site & Folklife Center, Pickens. (864) 898-2936.17–18 • Spice of Life food and fitness fest, TD Convention Center, Greenville. (864) 250-9713.23 • friends fourth Saturday Program: Turtles, Paris Mountain State Park, Greenville. (864) 244-5565.30 • easter fun, Unicoi State Park, Helen, Ga. (800) 573-9659.

aPRIL2 • Tamassee DAR School Golf Tournament, Keowee Key Golf Course, Walhalla. (864) 944-9921.3–6 • clemson Literary festival, various downtown venues, Clemson. (864) 656-3151.5–7 • camping with a Ranger, Table Rock State Park, Pickens. (864) 878-9813.6 • Springfest, Helen Festhalle, Helen, Ga. (706) 878-1908.6–7 • Historic Pendleton Spring Jubilee, The Village Green, Pendleton. (864) 646-3782.12–13 • Albino Skunk Music festival, 4063 Jordan Rd., Greer. (864) 233-8430.13 • S.c. chili cook-off championship, downtown, Belton. (864) 940-31 1 1 .13–14 • Goodwill Mud Run, 5 Chapel Rd., Greenville. (864) 351-0100.14 • Shalomfest, Temple of Israel, 400 Spring Forest Rd., Greenville. (864) 292-1782, ext. 100.

ongoIngDaily • Art Gallery at the fran Hanson Discovery center, South Carolina Botanical Garden, Clemson. (864) 656-3405. Daily • Trail Riding, Croft State Natural Area, Spartanburg. (864) 585-1283.Mondays and Wednesdays, through March 27 • intro to Wheel Throwing, The ARTS Center, Clemson. (864) 633-5051.Tuesdays and Thursdays, April 2–25 • intermediate Wheel Throwing: Bowls and Lidded Vessels, The ARTS Center, Clemson. (864) 633-5051.Saturdays and Sundays • Historic Building Tour, Oconee Station State Historic Site, Walhalla. (864) 638-0079.Second Saturdays • Music on the Mountain Bluegrass Jams, Table Rock State Park, Pickens. (864) 878-9813.

MIDLANDSMaRCh9–15 • Juilliard in Aiken, various venues, Aiken. (803) 292-3124.15–17 • Sumterfest, Dillon Park, Sumter. (803) 795-9755.16 • Swan Lake Quilt extravaganza, Patriot Hall, Sumter. (803) 436-2260.16 • Lions club Shrimp and Oyster Roast, Health Pavilion, Sumter. (800) 688-4748.16 • Pine needle Basket Workshop, Lee State Park, Bishopville. (803) 428-4988.16 • St. Pat’s in five Points, Harden Street and nearby, Columbia. (803) 748-7373.17 • St. Patrick’s Day on Main Street, Rock Hill. (803) 802-1678.18 • Wine, Dine & Design, Columbia Metropolitan Convention Center, Columbia. (803) 776-9100.

19 • Hummingbirds—nature’s Jewels, Birds & Butterflies, Aiken. (803) 649-7999.22–23 • Smokin’ at the farmers Market commissioner’s cup BBQ cook-off & festival, State Farmers Market, West Columbia. (803) 737-4664.22–24 • Palmetto Sportsmen’s classic, S.C. State Fairgrounds, Columbia. (803) 734-4008.23 • Spring Steeplechase, Ford Conger Field, Aiken. (803) 648-9641.23 • Springtime at the Garden festival, Riverbanks Botanical Garden, Columbia. (803) 779-8717.23 • Spring Herb fest, Little Red Barn Gallery, Barnwell. (803) 541-7900.23 • Andrew Jackson Birthday celebration, Andrew Jackson State Park, Lancaster. (803) 285-3344.27 • S.c. Assistive Technology expo, Brookland Banquet and Conference Center, West Columbia. (803) 935-5263.30 • carolina cup, Springdale Race Course, Camden. (803) 432-6513.

aPRIL1–5 • Spring Break Zoo camp, Riverbanks Zoo and Garden, Columbia. (803) 779-8717.5–7 • Dogwood festival, Main Street, Denmark. (803) 793-3734.6 • Survival Skills for Hiking, Kings Mountain State Park, Blacksburg. (803) 222-3209.9 • carolina Bays: Mysterious Depression Wetlands, Birds & Butterflies, Aiken. (803) 649-7999.11–14 • Pee Dee Plant and flower festival, Pee Dee Farmers Market, Florence. (803) 734-2200.11–20 • come-See-Me festival, various venues, Rock Hill. (800) 681-7635.12 • Masters of Motown, Community Performance Center, Rock Hill. (803) 328-2787.12 • Wine Tasting, Riverbanks Botanical Garden, Columbia. (803) 779-8717.12–14 • catawba Pow-Wow, Winthrop Coliseum, Rock Hill. (803) 328-2427, ext. 230.13–14 • columbia international festival, SC State Fairgrounds, Columbia. (803) 799-3452.

ongoIngDaily • Trail Riding, Kings Mountain State Park, Blacksburg. (803) 222-3209.Daily • Trail Riding, Lee State Park, Bishopville. (803) 428-5307.Daily • Trail Riding, Poinsett State Park, Wedgefield. (803) 494-8177.

Daily, except Mondays • Living History Days, Historic Brattonsville, McConnells. (803) 684-2327.Daily, except Mondays and major holidays • Historic camden Revolutionary War Site, Camden. (803) 432-9841.Daily, by appointment • Overnights and night Howls, Riverbanks Zoo & Garden, Columbia. (803) 779-8717, ext. 1113.Mondays through May • Homeschool Mondays, Riverbanks Zoo & Garden, Columbia. (803) 978-1113.Second Tuesdays • family night $1 Admission, EdVenture Children’s Museum, Columbia. (803) 779-3100.Fourth Thursdays • Tales for Tots, EdVenture Children’s Museum, Columbia. (803) 779-3100.Saturdays • Behind-the-Scenes Adventure Tours, Riverbanks Zoo & Garden, Columbia. (803) 978-1113.Second Saturdays • children’s Art Program, Sumter County Gallery of Art, Sumter. (803) 775-0543. Fourth Saturdays through August • Bluegrass Series, Haynes Auditorium, Leesville College Park, Batesburg-Leesville. (803) 582-8479.Saturdays and Sundays • Gallery Tour, Columbia Museum of Art, Columbia. (803) 799-2810.Sundays • Sunday Brunch & Jazz Series, Senate’s End, Columbia. (803) 748-4144.

LOWCOUNTRYMaRCh1–31 • north charleston city Gallery exhibit: Works by Dayton colie & Michael fowler, North Charleston City Gallery, Charleston Area Convention Center. (843) 740-5854.1–31 • Window exhibit: Works by Alvin B. Glen, The Meeting Place, North Charleston. (843) 740-5854.2–30 • PTR Spring Tennisfest, various venues, Hilton Head Island. (800) 421-6289.13–17 • charleston Art & Antiques forum, The Old Courtroom on Chalmers Street, Charleston. (800) 926-2520.14–16 • Pee Dee Street Rodders Run to the Sun, 2501 N. Kings Highway, Myrtle Beach. (843) 669-3564.16 • St. Patrick’s Day Parade and festival, downtown, North Myrtle Beach. (843) 280-5584.

16 • Lord of the Dance irish Dance, North Charleston Performing Arts Center, North Charleston. (800) 745-3000.16 • Artfest, Mount Pleasant Towne Centre, Mount Pleasant. (843) 884-8517.18 • Grand Strand Senior Job and Volunteer Assistance fair, Myrtle Beach Area Convention Center, Myrtle Beach. (843) 918-1014.18 • Lowcountry Legends Salute the James Beard foundation, Fort Moultrie, Sullivan’s Island. (843) 727-9998.19–23 • charleston fashion Week, Marion Square, Charleston. (843) 971-9811.21–31 • charleston festival of Houses and Gardens, 40 East Bay St., Charleston. (843) 722-3405. 22 • “forever Plaid” dinner theater, Charleston Area Convention Center Ballroom, North Charleston. (843) 740-5847.22–24 • charleston international Antiques Show, 56 Beaufain St., Charleston. (843) 722-3405.23 • Taste of the coast, Barefoot Landing, North Myrtle Beach. (843) 997-4162.23 • Walk to Defeat ALS, Grand Park, Myrtle Beach. (843) 971-0933.23 • equinox Music and Arts festival, downtown, Conway. (843) 248-3558.24 • Liars competition at the BiG Story fest Preliminaries, ARTworks, Beaufort. (843) 379-2787.30 • family circle cup Tennis Tournament, 161 Seven Farms Rd., Daniel Island. (800) 677-2293.

aPRIL1–7 • family circle cup Tennis Tournament, 161 Seven Farms Rd., Daniel Island. (800) 677-2293.1–20 • charleston festival of Houses and Gardens, 40 East Bay St., Charleston. (843) 722-3405. 4–6 • egg Scramble Jamboree, Lamar. (843) 326-5551.5 • Relay for Life of Myrtle Beach, Grand Park and Coastal Carolina University, Myrtle Beach. (843) 655-6672.5–6 • Hilton Head island Seafood fest, Shelter Cove Community Park, Hilton Head Island. (843) 681-2772, ext. 137.5–7 • St. Stephen catfish festival, Alice Price Park, St. Stephen. (843) 567-3597.5–7 • flowertown festival, downtown, Summerville. (843) 871-9622.6 • Myrtle Beach challenge, throughout Myrtle Beach. (843) 424-0649.

6 • Tour of Hobcaw Barony, 20 Hobcaw Rd., Georgetown. (843) 546-4623.6 • cooper River Bridge Run, Coleman Boulevard, Mount Pleasant. (843) 792-0345.6 • Park Palooza, Myrtle Beach State Park, Myrtle Beach. (843) 238-0874.6 • Garrison Weekend, Colonial Dorchester State Historic Site, Summerville. (843) 873-1740.11–14 • Liars competition at the BiG Story fest, ARTworks, Beaufort. (843) 379-2787.11–14 • Women’s coastal Skills clinic, Hunting Island State Park, Hunting Island. (843) 838-7437.12–14 • World Grits festival, downtown, St. George. (843) 563-7943.12–21 • Society of Stranders Spring Safari, various venues, North Myrtle Beach. (803) 366-5506.13–14 • Art in the Park, Chapin Park, Myrtle Beach. (843) 446-7471.14 • Blues by the Sea, Freshfields Village Green, Johns Island. (843) 762-9125.15 • Hootie & The Blowfish Monday After the Masters celebrity Pro-Am, The Dye Club at Barefoot Resort, North Myrtle Beach. (843) 399-7238.

ongoIngDaily, March 21–April 21, except Easter • charleston Symphony Orchestra League Designer Showhouse, 4 S. Adgers Wharf, Charleston. (843) 723-0020.Daily • Trail Riding, Cheraw State Park, Cheraw. (843) 537-9656.Daily • nature center, Hunting Island State Park, Hunting Island. (843) 838-7437.Daily, except major holidays • Parris island Museum, Beaufort. (843) 228-2166.Daily, except Christmas • Day in the Life of a Sailor, Charles Towne Landing State Historic Site, Charleston. (843) 852-4200.Tuesdays through Saturdays • education center Displays and Programs, Myrtle Beach State Park, Myrtle Beach. (843) 238-5325.Tuesdays through Sundays • feeding frenzy, Huntington Beach State Park, Murrells Inlet. (843) 237-4440.Thursdays • farmers Market of Bluffton, Calhoun Street, downtown Bluffton. (843) 415-2447.

Please confirm information before attending events. For entry guidelines, go to SCLiving.coop.

the charleston Symphony orchestra league Designer Showhouse runs March 21–april 21 and is open daily except easter.


haVe You Seen that tV SPot for the Neck Basket? It’s a wire basket that hangs around your neck (duh), conveniently placing all your indispensable items—lawnmower, poodle, groceries—directly under your nose. Problem is, there’s no such thing. It’s just BigSpot.com’s example of a thoroughly dumb idea. As dopey products go, the Neck Basket doesn’t seem any dumber than a lot of stuff you’ll find on Amazon, where ditzy products thrive.

The more ridiculous the invention, the more rapier-witted reviewers will roast the product in their comments, which keeps the spotlight glowing. Soon, a cult following spreads like kudzu as buyers line up to buy whatever Edsel everybody is bashing.

Here are some gems no one should live without:

banana gadgetsYou can always judge a civilization by how they treat their bananas—the only fruits that rate their own patio furniture. Unlike pineapples and mangoes, upscale bananas relax on private hammocks, gently swaying in the breeze as if they aren’t about to be skinned alive.

Only then are they ready to face the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer, the greatest innovation since the Grow-Your-Own-Rice bra. The 571 BS (for banana slicer) puts an end to asymmetrical portions once and for all. This innovative, crescent-shaped miracle has plastic rungs to carve identical slices your geometry teacher

would be proud to eat. Send the Ginsu out to pasture. Just one artful swipe of the 571 does the trick. And it’s daffodil yellow. Bananas love that.

Personal tank Have you settled for a Land Cruiser from Toyota when you could have one from Badonkadonk? For just under $20,000, you can park the “Donk” personal tank/cruiser in your garage next to the other suburban assault vehicles.

The advantages of a Donk can’t be overstated. Since it looks like a mutant metal horseshoe crab straight out of “Star Wars,” it will be easy to pick out in the mall parking lot even on Black Friday. You’ll never have to dodge another rock-spewing dump truck. And when your kids learn to drive, they can sideswipe anything they want. According to the Donk website, this tank offers “plenty of protection against paintballs, pneumatic

cannons and flamethrowers.” The Donk won’t replace your

family car, since it’s not street legal in most places. But who cares about

that? You’re a tank. The only bad news is they

stopped selling Donks on Amazon, where free shipping would be a plus. But don’t let that stop you. You know you’re getting tired of the minivan.

canned uranium oreTired of sending your Geiger

counter out for calibration? Now you can have your own

stash of radioactive uranium. Yes, it’s legal. The Nuclear Regulatory

Commission is fine with low-level material for education and scientific use. You may need a driver’s license to buy Sudafed, but a can of uranium is fine. Just don’t eat it.

lobster phone If you’ve got an Android phone, I’m sorry. The Lobster Mobile Telephone Case is made exclusively for iPhones. Apple may be thrilled that its visionaries pared a picture-taking, web-surfing, email-fetching, music-storing communications marvel down to four ounces, but that shouldn’t stop anyone from stuffing the phone into a full-size red plastic lobster.

The days of groping through your pockets for your iPhone are over. When the crustacean rings, just grab it by the antennae, legs, claws or tail and speak into the lobster.

Tell whoever calls you want a Neck Basket to store your banana slicer.

jan a. Igoe is a gadget-loving writer from Horry County who is accepting contributions for her tank fund. Write her at [email protected].

SCHumorMe By Jan a. igoe

you need that like a lobster needs a cell phone



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South Carolina Living March 2013