Some People Just Can’t Take Criticism!

The Scripture

“For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye;’ and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” {Matthew 7:2-5}

Introduction

• Look at yourself before you try to change the other person.

• Silence may be golden, but sometimes it’s just plain yellow.– “Faithful are the wounds of a friend,

but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” {Proverbs 27:6}

– “… able also to admonish one another.” {Romans 15:14}

Biblical Instruction

• “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” {Proverbs 12:1}

• “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.” {Proverbs 12:15}

• “Poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction, but he who regards a rebuke will be honored.” {Proverbs 13:18}

• “Apply your heart to instruction, and your ears to words of knowledge.” {Proverbs 23:12}

• “Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.” {Proverbs 25:12}

• “But, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head--Christ.” {Ephesians 4:15}

Biblical Instruction

We’re All Imperfect and in Need of Help. It’s True of Every Relationship.

• Husbands, wives, children, and parents need help from one another. We tend to shun it, but we need it.

• Do you proof-read your own work?

• We need help from others who periodically shed light where we have blind spots.– “All the ways of a man are pure in his

own eyes, But the LORD weighs the spirits.” {Proverbs 16:2}

What’s the Problem?

• Criticism is not the problem; its destructive criticism. Too often, we don’t know how to criticize properly, so we avoid it all together.

• We need to build up— not tear down!

Criticizing Constructively

• Choose the setting carefully. Timing is everything.– Do it after a meal—not when hungry.– Criticize in private; praise in public.– Criticize only when you believe the other

person is emotionally ready to accept it.

The Criticism Pledge

• “I promise, as your mate, that I will never speak ill of you to friend, family, or stranger. I will not embarrass or belittle you in front of others; nor will I be critical of you in your absence. I will not discuss our personal problems with anyone without your permission. This is my pledge to you.” – Why? Because of your loyalty, love for, and

commitment to the other person!

Consider the Other Person’s Feelings

• How do you find out when it’s okay?

• Ask! “Honey, do you mind me sharing a constructive suggestion with you tonight?”

• Get the person’s permission first.

• After you show respect, and give the other person some control, that person will let you know when he/she is ready to handle it.

Most People Want Help

• Most people want to be helped, and they desire honesty in their relationships. They just need to be approached in the right way.

• However, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

Don’t Give an Overdose

• A common failure is to pour it on! “And another thing, and another thing, etc.”

Overdosing Destroys the Motivation to Change!

• Give a person five things to change, instead of one, and you destroy his incentive to work on any of them!

• The solution is to deal with only one criticism at a time.

Some Suggestions…

• Only one criticism per week {52 a year ought to be enough!}– Most don’t realize how critical

they’ve become…

• We must listen carefully and increase our awareness.– “He who covers a transgression seeks

love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.” {Proverbs 17:9}

24-Hour Criticism Fast?

• For a period of 24 hours, refrain from criticizing yourself, the government, the food, your boss, co-workers, your spouse, your surroundings. Come to a complete halt for 24 hours!!

• Watch out for back seat driving comments about other drivers. Phone calls are dangerous.

Why Should You Try?

• It will increase your awareness of the critical nature of our society.

• It will help you to become aware of your own compulsion to criticize.

• It will enable you to experience the power of self-mastery, and most importantly …

• It will help you lay in your home a foundation for love and acceptance instead of rejection.

Couple Criticism With Compliments

• Notice ratio: Three compliments to one criticism. {Revelation 2:1-4}

• “The bitter pill of criticism can be swallowed much easier if first sugar-coated with the medicine of sincere praise.”

• Paul often began his letters with praise, then later reminded his readers of the need for changes in their conduct…

How does One Receive Criticism Constructively?

• Let your first words be: “Thank You!”– 1 Thessalonians 5:18. “In everything

give thanks.”– He said it to your face - not behind your

back– If it is true, you need to change, and then

you can grow.– If false, it gives you opportunity to

correct the misunderstanding.

Always Ask…

• What can I learn from criticism?• Not all criticism is valid. But you can still

learn something from all kinds of criticism.

• Then take action if possible.

What About the Things that Won’t Change?

• ““And above all things have fervent love And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.” {1 Peter 4:8}multitude of sins.” {1 Peter 4:8}

• Love accepts many imperfections.

• We just have to accept some things.

Serenity Prayer

• “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!”

• ““Let him know that he who turns a Let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.” {James 5:20}multitude of sins.” {James 5:20}

Concluding Thoughts

• Don’t mind criticism. If it is not true, disregard it. If it is unfair, avoid being irritated. If it is ignorant, smile. If it is justified, learn from it!– “Bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…{1 Corinthians 13:7,8}