socialisation starts in family

8/12/2019 socialisation starts in family

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ELIZABETH H R DY

The influence of the family in determining children's social behavioris frequently ignored by the schools in planning programs ofsocialeducation. In this article Elizabeth H. Brady field consultant and staffmember of the Center for Intergroup Education University of Chicago from whose files illustrations weredrawn discusses the relationship between family background and children's social behavior inschool.

SOCIALBEHAVIORincludes all thatchildren do in relation to other people.Children are learning their social behaviors all the time, each child differently in some respects from others. Bythe time children enter school they developed some patterns of behaving toward others and towardsocial situations.Consider the children below:CSally is very politeandwell behaved.Sheis afraid toget dirty at finger paintingor at housecleaning time, so she hangsback and refuses to paint or clean. Shereads fast andwrites well, but she doesn'tknow how to play the games the othersecond graders play. Sallyoften comes toadults for help. She tells the other childrenat her party, My motherwill helpyouopen your ice-cream cup, though theothers are taking care ofthemselves. Sallys what many adults call a very good littlegirl, but she doesn't get along too wellwithother seven-year-olds.C The first grade teachers in the Lincolnschoolcomplain that firstgraderscome tothem without ever having learned thesimplest things. These children don'tknow how to hang up their wraps;they haven't habits of washing hands, saying please, and yes, ma'am ; theyhavedifficulty sitting quietly in their se ats. Afewdon't evenknow howto use thebathroom.Whereas other firstgrade teachersin the city take it for granted that theirpupils will know these things, the teachers

at Lincolnsay theymust concentrate onthese behaviorsbefore they begin teachingfirst grade skills.

C Carl, a sixth grader, is uncommunicative. Hedoesn't talk duringcl ass discussions norenter into games on the playground. He sits for long periods by thewindow. Hehas told his teacherthat helikesmost towalk alone outside. No matter what is goingon, Carl doesn't takepart.Hisparents aredivorcedandherarelyseeshis father. His mother tried to commitsuicide after thedivorce. Now she threatens to leave Carl and his sisters. Carl thinksa lotabout the things thatarc happening athome.C Arthur is in highschool. When a storyis read he laughs at onecharacter's difficultiesand says He's stupid. Asked toexplain, Because he isn't Englishor Irish.Pressed on this point, Arthur remarks thatotherEuropeans are pretty dumb. Theymust be or they wouldn't have stayed insuch bad conditionsandalways had wars.The School in Society

Each of these children meets andmanages social situations and problemsin a different way. The familyis one ofthe several groups in which each has acquiredsocial learnings.In a societymore homogeneous thanours it would be easier for schools toidentify and comprehend the influenceoffamilies on social behavior.But oursis a society of manygroups. Weknow


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that peoplelearntheculturepattern oftheir groupandthat eachof themultiplegroupsin our societyhas some peculiarcultural characteristics. Social anthropologists andsociologists report that themajorityofteacherscome frommiddle-class families and embody the beliefsvalues habits and concepts ofthemid dle class while the majority of childrentwo-thirdsor morecomefromfamilies whose backgrounds differfromtheteachers'becauseof socio-economic,ethnic, and racia l factors. This meansthatteachers cannot accurately predictfromtheir own experiencewhat childrenhave learned. Since eachof us tends toaccepthis grouppatternas right, teachers are moreapt tocriticizechildren'ssocial behaviors andconsider thembadthan to recognize them as behaviorslearned in a context unfamiliar toteachers.Families have had a hand in determiningsocial behaviors longbefore thechild reaches school, but schools frequently fail to find out what the child'sprevious socializing experiences havebeen. Families influence socia l behaviorby what theyteach, directly andindirectly, consciouslyand unconsciously:Arthurmay have heard remarks aboutCentralFuropeansathome;Sally mayhave been rewarded more for goodgrades than for doing things for herself . Therefore, schoolsneed to knowwhat children havelearnedin their fa milies.Families also influencesocia l behaviorby whatthey fail to teach: the Lincolnfirst graders are ill equippedto meet theschool's expectationsbecause they havenot been taught certain behaviors athome: Arthur has learned to relate

upidity to nationality,buthe has not

learned that many factors determinewhat happens topeople. Schoolsmustthereforeidentifythelimitations homeshave set. Eventsin thefamily andfeelings and interpretationsoftheseeventswhichthe child makes influence his social behavior outside the family: Carlthinks about his family situationwhenhe mightbe enteringinto school activities. Schoolsneedtobe awareofwhatis happening to childrenin theirhomes.hildren Learn fromFamilies

It is rather easy forteachers to discoverwhether children haveacquiredorfa iled to acquire a certain set ofmanners and skills. Because they can seetheseobviousbehaviorsthey maymissmore subtle sociallearnings which affect behavior.

Children learn ways toexpress feelingshow to showanger,friendliness,or sadness. They learnfromimitatingaparent, orfromthepunishment orapproval a parent gives them.They learn aset ofvalues whatis good orbad,im portantor unimportant, and meaningsfor words like good, bad, cooperative. One child learns that to begood is toget high grades so parentscanbe proud;another learn s that tobe goodmeans to keep quiet andnot bother anyone at home. One childlearns thatyoushouldbe polite to others and conformto their wishes; another, that youshouldn't let anyoneget he dofyou.

Childrenlearn ways of relating thems lvs toothers; how to getwhat theywant bywheedling or bydoingitthemselves; howtoplay withother children;and how tospeak to adults.Theyacquire concepts and feelingsbywhichthey patterntheirbehaviorin socia l situations. Some of these concepts are


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about themselves I can do it," or "It'stoo hard for me; I'd never be able to."Some have to do with their picture oftheir community and society: Thepeople who live west of Prairie aredumb and you shouldn't go around withthem," and The swells run everythingat the high school. They don't wantyou in their clubs and you'd be smartnot to try to get in." Some have to dowith their attitudes toward school:"You have to do well so you can goEast to college like your brother, andNobody in that school knows any

thing that's important. They'd nevergive a kid from our neighborhood abreak or a good grade anyway." Notall of these things are learned directlyin families though some are. amiliesLimit Social Learnings

Just as every family setting fosterssocial learning, so every family settinginevitably limits social learning. It limitsobviously, by what it fails to teach.Frequently teachers comment, "But thatis something the home should teach "Usually this comment refers to something teachers, because of their ownbackgrounds, set store y how to bepolite, to keep clean to speak properly," to hold certain values. Yet particular homes are quite unable to teachthose behaviors which are part of neitherthe pattern of living nor the values ofthat home. Intense awareness of theseomissions may blind teachers to the social behaviors children have learned,such as independence in taking care ofthemselves knowledge of many placesin a community and how to behavethere how to behave, not in the senseof politeness but to handle the business

ping at the grocery, using the community center, holding a job.

On the other hand, gaps in sociallearning are less obvious to teacherswhen children have mastered the behaviors teachers value. Not every secondgrade teacher will be as concerned asSally's was over her failure to get alongwith other children and her lack of initiative in non-academic areas whichshowed limitations in social learning.All homes are limited in another sense.By transmitting a particular pattern,homes tend to exclude, even to devalue,other patterns. If Arthur's family hasencouraged and rewarded initiative inmaking money, in getting ahead inachieving social status, Arthur is apt tothink there is something wrong withpeople who do not do these things. Children who learn their own pattern offamily life may think there is somethingodd about families who are different:where there are many children, wherethe mother works, or where more timeis spent on having fun than on gettingahead. They may act toward peoplefrom such families as though there weresomething wrong with them. Schoolsneed to identify these limitations, but itis not always easy for them to do so .

A junior high school teacher was reporting to a curriculum committee thecontent of students' papers which toldabout their families. She concluded hersummary, It's apparent that these children already have a very good view offamily life. decided after reading thesethat we just don't need to read storiesabout families because they alreadyhave a very good attitude about whatfamilies should be like." The purpose ofher analysis was to identify the students'


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infer from these what extensions of concepts about the nature of families shouldbe provided. The children's accountsmatched the teacher's own view ofproper family life andshe w s unable,without further study, to see the necessity of any extension or revision of theirconcepts and attitudes, although thefamilies they pictured showed a narrowview indeed. Therewas equal congruence in regard to other matters betweenthe concepts and attitudes of these students and those of their teacher, so it was difficult for her to spotwhere theirsocial learning was deficient forlife ina society of many social patterns.

Although families are not wellequipped to provide the social learningschildren need toget along with othersin a highly diverse society, publicschools are. Witha variety of experiences represented among the childrenwho attend, and freedom to create situations which can increase the range ofsocial learnings, schools can supplementwhat homes teachand help freechildrenfrom the limitations of a particular family or cultural group. But first schoolsneed to know which limitations exist. hildrenCarry oncerns with Them

A child is not one person at home andanother at school. He does not sloughoff when he enters school what has happened to him at home, but carries withhim concerns and interests and feelingsabout events in his family. Thus happenings in family life as well as what istaught there, affect children's social behavior.

Many children are quite successful atburying or skillfully concealing theirfamily and personal concerns while theyare at school. Often they are forced to

do so inasmuch as no time orattentionis allotted for consideration of life outside the school. Many children are notso successful. The eventsat home preoccupy their thought and energies anddistract them from the situation at hand.Children carry to school anxieties derived in the family context. They hearabout parents' worries at home aboutrent or housing or jobs or health andthey absorb them. A child writes, Athome I have worries. My mother andfather are both different from each otherand are going to separate and lovethem both, but don't know which oneto go with when they separate. Achild busy trying to so lve a problemlike this may handle school situationswith difficulty. The urgency of dealingwith present emergencies at home is frequently far greater than the urgency ofschool tasks.

Pressures of expectations also carryover. I want my parents tobe proudof me. don't think am capable ofcoming up to their expectations, writesa ninth grader. Lack of awareness ofsuch pressures maylead teachers to increase theamountof school work, onthe assumption that these childrenhaven't enough to keep them busy.Disagreements are upsetting: Relativestry to interfere with problems whichare no concern to them. My familyargues over my education. Mv parentsthink would be better off if quitschool and went to work. disagree.But I don't know what should do.

It is not only anxieties problems, andworries which occupy children; theythink of happy things too, of course.Schools may be unready to deal with theformer; they may think that the latter donot belong in school. Many teachers


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find itimpossible to imagine the problems tensions in relationships, worries,and fears which students, even veryyoung children, are forced to dea l with.We therefore fail to providefor them;or fearfulof not handling themadequately, theschoolrules out consideration of these problems as toopersonalfor school and at the same time discounts their effects.

Not only are children preoccupiedwith out-of-schoolevents but childrenform, in relationto those events, concepts of their own adequacy to dealwith any problems.Childrenwhohavebeen blamed or who blame themselvesfor the ways problems or conflicts athome turned out are handicapped bytheir own doubts and fears when theytackle new problems at school. Children who have gained confidence in their ownability toget along with people will attemptnew associations withassurance The actual abilities of children have le ss to do with their behavior than their feelings about theirown abilities.

Because itistime consumingtokeeptrack oftheseaspects of children's liveswe often neglect to find out whatchildren's outside lives are like what theyare experiencingthere, how many andhow difficult are the tasks they face.Nevertheless,it is worthwhile to allowforthe informal chats papers writtenabout feelings and personal concerns,the opportunityto talk about thingsthathappen to people evenatthe expense ofother aspects ofthe program. By thesemeans teachersobtain glimpses of thoseareas of living whichaffect social behavior and socia l learning in school.Whensuch inquiry is neglected, the social learnings the school attempts to provide oftenbadlymis sfire.

At present we know that childrenhave learned social behavior, but notprecisely li hat they have learned.Weknow their lives are complicated bymany even's and concerns, but notwhich ones and how.Eachteacher musttry to find answers to these questions asshe plans learning experiences for herstudents.

ASCD Meeting in Atlantic CityChalfonte-Haddon

HallFebruary26 195

9:30 AM-3:30 PMo beheldin conjunctionwithannual AASA meeting

Nine Study Groups woGeneral SessionsLeadership in Curriculum Planning irgil Rogers, Superintendent,

Battle CreekPublicSchools, MichiganAdministrative Provisions for CurriculumImprovement Hoi is Gas-

well, Dean, Teachers College, Columbia University,N.Y.For further information, write to: A SCD 1201 i6th Street N.\V. Washington 6 D.C.

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socialisation starts in family