Smile,Laugh,

and live the Abundant Life

(reflections on life-style evangelism)

He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. Prov. 11:25

An evangelist asked a boy on the street where the post office was. The boy asked who he was and what he did. The evangelist said,“I tell people the way to Heaven." The boy said,“You don’t even know the way to the post office and you’re telling people the way to Heaven?” (Prov. 1:2-7)

~~~~~~A dissatisfied king was told if he could get a shirt from a man that was really satisfied and wear it, then he would be satisfied. He sent his servants out to find such a man but one by one they came back without success until the last servant returned. He reported, "I found a man that was really satisfied, but he did not own a shirt."

~~~~~~I was witnessing in a drug store and said, “I've looked over all your shelves and I see you have things for the head, feet, stomach, and heart. But I didn't see anything for the soul. You are fortunate – I have something with me for you,” and handed him a tract.

~~~~~~Church sign: you have fed your body well all week. Give your soul at least a bone on Sunday.

~~~~~~I bought a present for my wife in Switzerland. The clerk went to a lot of trouble wrapping it in gift paper. She was pretty and had fixed herself up. Finally I said, “Now the wrapping is almost better than the gift. Sometimes we spend more time grooming our bodies than our souls. She responded,“I know what you mean.” (Mark 8:36, 37)

~~~~~~A man preaching through an interpreter wanted to greet the crowd in their language. But just before he got up to speak, he realized that he had forgotten how to say ladies and

gentlemen. So he ran downstairs to review what he should say. However, when he greeted the people, they all looked very perplexed. Later he found out that instead of saying ladies and gentlemen, he had said water closets and broom closets. He had seen the wrong doors.

~~~~~~Two men shot a deer and were dragging it to the car by the hind legs. Another hunter came by and told them it would slide better if they would drag it by the horns. So they did. All at once one said to the other, “It is easier, but do you realize that we're getting farther away from the car?”

~~~~~~Two hunters were lost in the woods. They had learned if you're lost to shoot 3 times into the air. So one of them shot 3 times. Nothing happened, so he tried again. No results. His friend said, “Try once more.”“I can't,” he replied, “I've run out of arrows.”

~~~~~~A king said to his servant as he gave him his golden scepter, “If you ever find a man more stupid than you, give him this scepter” The king got sick. He called his servant and told him, “I'm going on a long journey (referring to dying).”“When are you coming back?” asked the servant.“Never,” said the king.“Have you prepared for this trip?” The servant asked. The king said, “No.” The servant then said, “Take this scepter – you're a bigger fool than I am.”

~~~~~~There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us that it doesn't behoove any one of us to speak about the rest of us.

~~~~~~When Captain Grady was shot down in Yugoslavia during

WWII, the U.S. used resources worth more than $1 billion to free him. Jesus paid more than that to free us. P.T.L.

~~~~~~When I was asked to speak to a group of women that were graduating as hairdressers, I told them the story of a girl who showed her mother a lovely little box she had been given. The mother opened it and asked the girl, “Where is that which was inside?” The girl replied,“It was just an ordinary ring. I threw it away. But isn't the box lovely?” Then I reminded the hairdressers that our souls are more important than our bodies. Don't neglect them!

~~~~~~A man was stealing fruit when his son reminded him, “God sees you.”“Yes,” said Dad, “but He doesn't tattle.”

~~~~~~Church attendance was so low that every time he said, “Dearly beloved,” his small congregation blushed.

~~~~~~“Do you believe in re-incarnation?” the boss asked his employee. He answered, “Why do you ask?” “Because your grandfather, whose funeral you attended last week, just called.”

~~~~~~Boy at wedding comments: “She is a smart bride; she goes in with an old man and comes out with a young man.”

~~~~~~Teacher asks boy: “What does Jesus mean when He says you shall catch men?”Answer: “Peter will be a policeman.”

~~~~~~Q. Why did Jesus appear to the women first?A. It would speed up the message of his resurrection!

~~~~~~Older couple to their new maid: “We are vegetarians and would appreciate if you would join us.” She said,“I've been a Presbyterian all my life and do not want to change.”

~~~~~~Preacher to boy: “Do you always pray before you eat?”“No,” said the boy, “Only when grandma is here.”

~~~~~~One ship drives east and another drives westWith the selfsame winds that blow.Tis the set of the sail and not the galeThat determines the way it goes.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fateAs we voyage along through lifeTis the set of the soul that decides its goalAnd not the calm or the strife.

~~~~~~Professor to students: “If you get this into your head, you'll have everything in a nutshell.”

~~~~~~Overheard on telephone: “That stupid idiot doesn't think I'm his equal, but I am.”

~~~~~~A devoted husband will support his wife when she has problems that she would not have had if she had not married him.

~~~~~~If you want your marriage to sizzleWith love in a loving cup,When you are wrong, admit itAnd when you're right, shut up.

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Things are changingEverything is farther away than it used to be.It's even twice as far to the corner and they have added a hill, I noticed.I have given up running for the bus; it leaves faster than it used to.It seems to me they are making the steps steeper than in the old days.Have you noticed the smaller print that they use in the newspaper?There's no sense in asking anyone to read aloud as everyone speaks in such a low voice I can hardly hear them.It is almost impossible to reach ones shoelaces anymore.Even people are changing. They are so much younger than they used to be when I was their age.On the other hand, people my age are so much older than I.I ran across an old classmate the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear when I was combing my hair this morning, and in so doing, I glanced at my own reflection. Really now, they don't even make good mirrors like they used to either.

~~~~~~Albert Einstein was on the train but when the conductor came to get his ticket, he couldn't find it. The conductor assured him that since he was well known, it was no problem. Later on, when the conductor came by again, Einstein was on knees looking for his ticket. The conductor assured him that he really didn't need it. He explained, “I need it because I don't know where I'm going.”

~~~~~~It's a funny thing that skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.

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We do not give because we have, we have because we give. II Cor. 9:6

~~~~~~I dreamt death came the other nightAnd heaven's gate swung wide.With kindly grace an angel ushered me inside.And there to my astonishment stood folks I'd known on earth.Some I'd judged and labeled unfit and of little worth.Indignant words rose to my lips but never were set free,For every face showed stunned surprise -No one expected me!

~~~~~~If God gives us a job He gives us the tools that are needed. If He wants to do something great He starts with difficulties. If He wants to do something very great, He starts with impossibilities.

~~~~~~Men's poverty is never a strain on God's provision.

~~~~~~The first step to maturity is often the discovery that the volume knob on the T.V. can be turned left.

~~~~~~Car salesman: “This car not only has low mileage, but most if it was put on by being towed.”

~~~~~~Every action of your life will touch some chord that will vibrate through eternity.

~~~~~~Often when fleeing temptation we leave a forwarding address.

~~~~~~The Word: Know it in your head; Stow it in your heart; Show it in your life; Sow it in the world.

~~~~~~Fritz Kreisler was a well-known violinist. One day he saw a violin that he wanted. When he went to buy it, he was told that it was not for sale. So he asked if he could play it. The collector gave permission. Fritz took the violin and tuned it. Then he tightened the bow and began to play. When the collector heard the music, he said, “That violin sounds too good to just be hanging on the wall. You take it and play for other people.”Our Gospel is too good to be kept in – others must hear it. Rom. 10:17

~~~~~~A very small shack amidst many beautiful villas on the coast of Geneva, Switzerland, had this posted over the front door – Satis Morior – good enough for someone who's going to die.

~~~~~~A Christian Science boy said to his pastor, “My mother is sick.”“No,” said the pastor, “she only thinks she is sick.”The next Sunday, the pastor asked the boy how his mother was. “Oh,” said the boy, “She thinks she is dead.”

~~~~~~Voltaire, an atheist, scoffingly said, “I would sell my place in Heaven for a Rubel.” A Prussian spoke up and said,“We have a law here that says you can’t sell anything unless you have proof of ownership.”

~~~~~~The mind should be like a T.V. Set when it goes blank you should turn off the sound.

~~~~~~Why did Jesus cry at Lazarus' tomb? (John 11) Lazarus had been in Heaven 4 days and now he had to come down and die again.

~~~~~~Praise does wonders for the person who is hard of hearing.

~~~~~~An older man wanted to test his wife’s hearing so from 15 feet behind her he called, “Honey, do you hear me?” There was no answer so he came closer and again called, “Honey, can you hear me?” No answer. From 5 feet away he called again, “Honey, do you hear me?” and she answered,“For the third time, ‘Yes.’”

~~~~~~An older couple went to hear a concert. In the entryway, the man said to his wife, “The acoustics in this place are terrible.” She said,“Now that you mention it, I can smell it too.”

~~~~~~A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.

~~~~~~A banker is a man who lends you his umbrella on a sunny day, but wants it back when it is raining.

~~~~~~People don't care how much you know until they see how much you care.

~~~~~~Spurgeon said, If you think sin is fun, you should try holiness.

~~~~~~It takes evangelistic unction to make orthodoxy function.

~~~~~~One of the hardest things in life is to know which bridge to burn and which one to cross.

~~~~~~When we listen God speaks; when we obey God works.

~~~~~~A lady that had suffered a great loss was told for comfort to go find someone that had never suffered loss. She asked many but found none that had not suffered. She was greatly encouraged, and was able to bless many others.

~~~~~~A sick man said he would give $1,000,000 to missions if he would get well. He got well but didn’t give the money as he had promised. When asked why he hadn’t followed through, he said, “It just shows how sick I was.”

~~~~~~If you are going to be the leader of a band you have to be able to face the music.

~~~~~~A pastor was making house calls. He came to a place where no one answered his knock, even though he was sure someone was home. Finally he put a note under the door with the reference Rev. 3:20. (“I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.”) Next Sunday after church a lady handed him a note with Gen. 3:10. (“I heard you in the garden, but I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”)

~~~~~~A duke was on a ship rowed by criminals who all claimed to be innocent except for one. He admitted that he was guilty. The duke ordered him taken off the ship, as he was on the wrong one!

~~~~~~Write your plans with pencil and give God the eraser.

~~~~~~A smile is something that adds to your face value.

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Gladys Dunn heard a boring sermon in church one Sunday. After the sermon the preacher suggested that they should introduce themselves to a neighbor. The man next to her said, “My name is Fred.” Gladys said,“I'm Gladys Dunn.” Fred said,“I'm glad, too, that it's done.”

~~~~~~There was a grandpa that always slept in church. The preacher didn't like it, so he said to this man's grandson, “I'll give you 50 cents every Sunday that you keep your grandpa awake.” That worked for five Sundays, but the sixth he was sleeping again. The preacher told the boy, “I won't pay you if you don't keep your grandpa awake.” The boy answered, “Grandpa offered me $1 if I'd let him sleep!”

~~~~~~A woman lost her broach in a theater. She phoned the caretaker and asked him to look for it. He did and found it. But when he went to the phone to tell her, she had already hung up. Since he didn't have her phone number nor her name, he could not pass the news on to her.Let's not hang up on God too soon!

~~~~~~A young lawyer proudly hung out his shingle for his new business, hoping to impress people.When he saw a man coming to his office, he opened the door, and then picked up the phone. He had a second phone on which he was also carrying on a conversation. Finally he said good-bye, hung up, and asked the young man if he could help him. The man said, “No, I just came to hook up the phone.”

~~~~~~Persian fable: A man had a bag full of stones. He went to the beach and threw them into the water one at a time.

When he came home he had one left. There he discovered it was a diamond. He went back to try and find the other stones, but the tide had come in and carried them away. So are the minutes God has given us. Minutes that will never return.

~~~~~~A scientist caught a fly on the Matterhorn (high mountain in Switzerland) and noticed under a microscope that it had hair on its legs whereas the flies in England had naked legs!

~~~~~~Some Possible Responses to being Introduced as a Speaker:--While a woodpecker was pecking away on a tree, lightening struck and split the tree. The woodpecker was thrown off. He looked at the tree and said, “I did that all by myself.”--A farmer was leading a calf to pasture. They came to a bridge the calf wouldn't cross. A car came along and honked. The calf took off and dragged the farmer into a ditch. The farmer said that was a very loud honk for a little calf!--After the introduction, the speaker got up and said, “That man ought to ask God to forgive him for what he just said; and I have to ask God to forgive me because I liked it!”

~~~~~~One preacher boy said his father could take a passage from the Bible and preach many sermons from that passage. The other preacher boy said,“My Dad can take any passage and preach the same sermon.”

~~~~~~George Burns, the comedian, was asked what he thought a sermon should be like. He said, “It should have an

interesting introduction and an interesting conclusion, and those two should not be too far apart.”

~~~~~~Church ad: “There will be no healing service on Sunday due to the illness of the pastor.”

~~~~~~It isn't just how you put in the day but what you put into the day that counts.

~~~~~~Lord, give us grace to stand for something lest we fall for everything.

~~~~~~There is a difference between saying something and having something to say.

~~~~~~It takes no brains to become a father, but it takes a lot of intelligence plus the grace of God to be one.

~~~~~~If some folks didn't have troubles they'd have an awful time carrying on a conversation.

~~~~~~A boy swallowed a nickel and asked his mother whether she could see any change in him.

~~~~~~A judge was asked to settle a dispute between brothers about their inheritance. The judge said, “Let one brother divide the estate and the other brother have the first choice.”

~~~~~~If the world is ever to get on its feet the church must first get on its knees.

~~~~~~The family altar would alter many a family.

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Some professing Christians speak about themselves through an amplifier, but about God through a muffler.

~~~~~~If a preacher's study is a daybed, his sermons will be a nightmare!

~~~~~~If God seems far away you know who has moved.

~~~~~~If the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.

~~~~~~Many that plan to get right with God at 11 p.m. die at 10:30 p.m.

~~~~~~At the end of the road you'll meet God.

~~~~~~Never too late to start over – always too soon to quit.

~~~~~~Life is like a roll of toilet paper – the nearer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

~~~~~~Life is like riding a bicycle – you don't fall over until you quit pedaling.

~~~~~~President Reagan said: Government is like a baby – insatiable appetite and uncontrolled output.

~~~~~~A man was standing on a street corner in Chicago, snapping his fingers. A passerby asked him what he was doing, but he didn’t get an answer. He asked again, and still no answer. Angered, he then said,“If you don’t answer, I’ll hit you in the face.”“Well,” said the man, “I’m keeping the elephants away.”“Elephants!" scoffed the passerby, "There are no elephants

within 3000 miles of here.”“That shows how effective I am!” was the answer.

~~~~~~Winston Churchill said, “Success is enduring one failure after the other without losing your enthusiasm.”

~~~~~~A dying man said to his priest, "If I were to give the church a million dollars, would that improve my chances of getting to heaven?" The priest responded,"I don't know, but I think you should try it."

~~~~~~A man with a very weak heart won $1,000,000 in the lottery. His wife thought if she told him he might have a heart attack so she asked her diplomatic preacher to come tell her husband. The preacher said, “What would you do if you won $1,000,000?” He answered,“I’d give half of it to you.” That caused the preacher to have a heart attack.

~~~~~~A man fell over an incline and clung to a branch. He cried, “Help.” A voice from Heaven said,“Trust Me and I will help you.” The man said,“Is there anyone else?”

~~~~~~It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.

~~~~~~Righteousness is doing the will of God. Meekness is being able to take praise without becoming conceited, and blame without becoming despondent.

~~~~~~We are so busy fighting the battle that has already been lost that we cannot enjoy the victory that has already been won. On the cross Jesus was victorious and the devil was

defeated. That is why Jesus could pray for his executioners and cry out, “It is finished.”

~~~~~~It has been discovered that frogs know there they will land before they leap.

~~~~~~Martin Luther once said that while driving along he heard someone crying. He stopped and asked, “Who is it?” The devil said,”It's me.”“Why are you crying?” The devil responded,“Because the Christians are blaming me for everything.”

~~~~~~The really happy person is the one who enjoys the scenery even in a detour.

~~~~~~Where God is the spider's web is a wall. Where He is not, the wall is a spider's web.

~~~~~~Wife about retired husband – twice as much man and half the income.

~~~~~~What's the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.

~~~~~~All the darkness in the world cannot put out the light of a candle.

~~~~~~People do not seek, they must be sought.People will not come, they have to be brought.People will not learn, they have to be taught.

~~~~~~When you are feeling sad and blue, look at the oak tree and see what a little nut can do.

~~~~~~Temptations are inevitable but joys are optional.

~~~~~~Credit cards will buy you what you do not need with money you do not have to impress people you do not like.

~~~~~~With what you take in you make a living; with what you give you make a life.

~~~~~~Husband – faithful in his deposits, but wife fast on the draw.

~~~~~~Husband wanted a hot breakfast. So his wife gave him a match and said, “Set your cornflakes on fire.”

~~~~~~Lady belonged to many clubs so on her tombstone is printed: Here lies Mary Smith – clubbed to death.

~~~~~~If you want to be known in Heaven you must do what Jesus says in Mt. 10:32 and Lk. 10:8. Then both the angels and the Father will recognize you when you enter heaven.

~~~~~~Remember God puts your prayers in bowls (Rev. 5:8); your tears in bottles (Ps. 56:8); and your good conversations in books. (Mal 3:16)

~~~~~~Salvation:God thought it.Jesus bought it.The devil fought it.The Holy Spirit wrought it.And I got it. Rom 10:9,10

~~~~~~God doesn't flunk you; He just re-enrolls you.

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I was chosen before the foundation of the world. (Eph. 1:4) He was so sure that His choice was right that He sealed me. (Eph.1:13) He wrote my name in His book. (Lk. 10:20) and He does not have an eraser on His pencil.Should we not tell others about our great fortune?

~~~~~~The tall preacher was very boring. He waved his arms while preaching and drank a lot of water. At the end of his sermon, one man said to the other,“That is the first time that I’ve seen a windmill driven by water.”

~~~~~~A man wrote to the IRS and said he couldn't sleep because he had cheated on his income tax return. He enclosed $200 and added that if he still couldn't sleep he'd send the rest.

~~~~~~It's easier to be smart for others than for oneself.

~~~~~~A woodsman looking for a job was asked where he had cut trees before. He said, “In the desert.”“There are no trees there!” said his interviewer.“No,” said the woodsman. “Not now.”

~~~~~~An engineer, John, and a computer freak, Fred, sat together in a plane. John was very tired and wanted to sleep but Fred wanted to play a game. He said to John, “I’ll ask you a question and if you can’t answer you give me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I can’t answer, I’ll give you $5.”John wasn’t interested, he wanted to sleep.“Well,” said Fred, “we’ll change the game. I’ll ask a question and if you can’t answer it, you give me $5. But if I can’t answer your question, I’ll give you $50.”“OK,” John agreed, “that’s better.”So Fred asked, “How far is it from the earth to the moon?”

John thought and thought and finally said, “I don’t know.” He pulled out his wallet and gave Fred $5. Then he asked Fred, “What goes up the hill with 3 legs and down with four?”The computer freak thought and thought and finally said, “I don’t know” and gave him $50. Then he asked John, “What is the answer?”John said, “I don’t know.” He pulled out his wallet and gave Fred $5.

~~~~~~In John 6 Jesus fed the 5,000:Philip saw the cash – not enoughAndrew saw the crowd – too manyThe boy saw the Christ – He was sufficient

~~~~~~A philosopher knows what to do until it's his problem.

~~~~~~from Victor Borge:In a hotel room he read the sign “Please put the curtains into the tub”. He said it took him 10 minutes to get all the curtains in the tub.--In Los Vegas all the gambling machines were busy so he put $200 in the parking meter.--He saw a place where they sold autographs and he found his own, so he bought 500 of them.--While trying to learn Japanese, he played a Japanese language tape placed under his pillow. Night after night he would hear Japanese. He learned the language well but could only speak it when he was sleeping.

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Russian humor: One day Gorbachev phoned Shevardnadze and said, “I have a bad headache this morning. Did we drink last night?” Shevardnadze said,“We sure did!”“Did we sign any important papers?” asked Gorbachev. Shevardnadze answered,“Yes, we signed that everyone was free to leave Russia.”“Are we the only two left here?” continued Gorbachev.“I don’t know,” said Shevardnadze. “I’m speaking from London!”

~~~~~~God has time for you, do you have time for Him?

~~~~~~Doctrine alone – you slow upHoly Spirit alone – you blow upWith both you will grow up.

~~~~~~The optimist has no brakes and the pessimist no motor.

~~~~~~The optimist developed the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.

~~~~~~A woman went to the psychiatrist and said she had problems. Sometimes she felt like a wigwam and sometimes like a pup tent. The psychiatrist said, “You are simply too tense.”

~~~~~~He always exaggerated. Finally his wife said, “The next time you exaggerate, I'll punch you in the ribs.” Shortly later, he was telling about the barn his neighbor was building – 150 meters long and – his wife jabbed him – 1 meter wide, he finished.

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Preachers often get chicken for dinner when they visit people. These chickens heard that the preacher was coming so they hid. However, the rooster was caught. The next day one hen said to the other, “Our brother went into the ministry.” The other replied, “He wasn't a good layman anyway.”

~~~~~~Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, was booked to come home on furlough. The pastor announced to his congregation, “Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.”

~~~~~~A man visiting a couple came down for breakfast and heard the woman singing. “Do you always sing when you make breakfast?” he asked.“No,” she said, “Just when I boil eggs. If they are to be hard, I sing 4 verses. If soft, only 3 verses.”

~~~~~~At a red light a man's car stalled and wouldn't start. Behind him someone honked impatiently. Finally the man went to the person behind him and suggested, “You go try and start my car and I'll honk for you!”

~~~~~~I was sitting in a train in Germany and the compartment was full. While reading my Bible, I commented out loud, “This is a wonderful book! It tells us the way to Heaven.” One after the other disgusted people left the compartment. A 13 year old girl remained who wanted to know the way to Heaven. The Bible makes room for you.

~~~~~~In a hotel in Germany my wife & I were having lunch so as usual I gave thanks. A young couple a few tables down heard me and came up to us after the meal. They were so glad to have met other Christians, that they invited us to

their home. We went. He was a dentist and said if I ever needed dental work done, he would do it free of charge. We've taken advantage of that offer many times. It pays to pray out loud before meals!

~~~~~~Left overs. The family sat down to eat and the son said to his Dad, “You didn't thank God for this meal.” He said,“I've thanked God four times for this food already.”

~~~~~~At the funeral, the widow wanted the quartet to sing 3 songs: 'Amazing Grace', 'In the Garden', and 'Jingle Bells'. A strange request, but the quartet sang as asked. The next day she called to say she had made a mistake. It wasn't 'Jingle Bells', but 'When They Ring the Golden Bells' that her former husband had wanted sung!

~~~~~~I have enough money for the rest of my life providing I do not live past next Thursday!

~~~~~~Eve to Adam: “Do you love me?”Adam to Eve: “Who else?”

~~~~~~A man sat in the train eating apple seeds. Someone asked him why he was doing that. The fellow answered, “It makes me smart.”“Can I buy some?” was the request.“Yes. 3 for $1.” So he bought 3 and as he was eating them he realized,“I could have bought 5 apples for $1!” The first answered,“You see, it works.”

~~~~~~A man always took the paper to read at the table. One day his wife said, “Put down that paper.”“Why?” he asked.

“We need to talk.” So he offered,“What do you think of Red China?” She was thrilled.“That would look very good on my blue tablecloth.”

~~~~~~At the close of a church service a man said to the pastor, “That was a terrific message. Three times you interrupted my chain of thought.”

~~~~~~Something good about an egoist; he never speaks about others.

~~~~~~Two men each had a clothing store across the street from one another. They were very envious of the other. One day an angel came to one and said, “I'll give you whatever you want. If you want a million, I'll give it. If you want 2 million, I'll give it. However, whatever you ask of me, I'll give the other store owner twice as much.” After thinking for awhile he said,“Could you make me blind in one eye?”

~~~~~~A woman in Chicago had a maid working for her. One day when the phone rang, the maid answered. The woman listening in, heard: “Yes, sir.” Silence, then, “Yes, sir.” Again silence, then, “It sure is,” and she hung up.A little while later the phone rang again, and the maid answered, again in the same way.So the lady of the house asked what those answers meant. The maid explained: “A man asked, ‘Is this the Jones’ residence?’ and I said, ‘Yes, sir.’ He then asked, ‘Is Mrs. Jones in?’ and I said, ‘Yes, sir.’Then he said, ‘Long distance from New York,’ and I said, ‘It sure is.’”

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A woman with a new Mercedes was looking for a place to park at the super market. She noticed that a place would be free and was waiting to drive in when a young man with his Porsche raced in ahead of her. Stepping out of his car, he said,“It’s sure good to be young and fast.”She didn’t like that, so she accelerated and smashed into his Porsche! Opening the window, she smiled and said,“It’s sure good to be old and rich.”

~~~~~~A Jew and a Chinese were standing together when unexpectedly, the Jew up and hit the Chinese. So the Chinese asked, "What was that for?"The Jew answered, "Because of Pearl Harbor.""That wasn’t the Chinese, that was the Japanese," he said."Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Filipinos, all the same," was the response.After awhile the Chinese up and hit the Jew. The Jew asked, "What was that for?"The Chinese answered, "The Titanic.""What have we Jews to do with the Titanic?""Oh," said the Chinese, "Rosenberg, Wineberg, Goldberg, Steinberg, Iceberg, all the same."

~~~~~~Two men were arguing and finally one hit the other on the cheek and said, “The Bible says if you get slapped on the left cheek, you are to turn the right cheek also.” He did, and then jumped on his companion and started beating him up while quoting at the same time,“Give and it shall be given to you.”Two men were watching and the one said to the other, “What are they doing?” The other said,“They’re interpreting Scripture to one another.”

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Shortly after my wife and I were married, she told me she had a little box under the bed I was never to look into. I promised and since I'm a preacher, I was obedient for many years. But I was very curious. One day when she was gone the temptation to look into the box won.When she returned, I confessed that I had looked."Well," she said, "What did you see?""I saw 3 eggs and $2000. What does that mean?"She explained, "When we got married and I knew that you would be preaching, I decided for every bad sermon I would put an egg in the box.""Wow!" I exalted, "Only 3 eggs! What about the $2000?""That," she said, "Is the money for all the eggs I sold."

~~~~~~A teacher of ornithology gave the students an exam. He covered pictures of birds, leaving just the legs sticking out. Then he asked the students to identify the birds from their legs. One student got very irritated, threw his test on the teacher's desk and was leaving the classroom when the teacher stopped him and asked, “What is your name?” The student lifted his pant leg and said,“You guess!”

~~~~~~A man said to God,“From Your point of view, how long are 1,000,000 years?” God answered,“Like a second.” Then the man asked,“How much is $1,000,000 from Your point of view?” God replied,“Like a penny.” Eagerly, the man requested,“Would you give me a penny?”“Yes, in a second,” was the reply.

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“What must you do to have your sins forgiven?” asked the teacher. A boy answered,“First you have to sin.”

~~~~~~Car jacking foiled:An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags, and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knew how to use it and that she will if required...so get out of the car! The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car. She got into the driver's seat. Small problem: her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down. She reloaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly white woman...no charges were filed.You gotta watch out for “little old ladies”!!!

~~~~~~Pascal said in Christianity we have a God that we can come to without being proud and we can humble ourselves without getting depressed. To know God without recognizing our sinfulness makes us proud. To know our sinfulness with-out knowing God leads to despair. To know Jesus leads to redemption, for in Him we find both God and sin.

~~~~~~The nicest things about new friends is that they haven't heard the old stories.

~~~~~~

One Day Off

Number of days in a year 365Don't work weekends - 104

261Don't work 16 hours/day - 170

91Take 30 minute break every day - 23

68Take 1 hour lunch every day - 46

22Get 2 days sick leave - 2

20Get 9 paid holidays - 9

1110 days of vacation - 10

Days of work left 1

You work one day, and you want it off!!~~~~~~

When the actors have played their last drama, And the mimic has had his last fun, When the film has flashed its last picture And the billboard has placed its last run, When the crowds seeking pleasure have vanished And gone out in the darkness again, When the trumpet of ages has sounded And they stand up in judgment, What then?

When the bugle call sinks into silence, And the long marching column stands still, When the captain repeats his last order And they capture the last fort and hill,

When the flag has been hauled from the mast head And from far fields all men are called in, When each man who rejected the Saviour And asked for a reason, What then?

When the great busy plants of our city Have turned out their last finished work,When the merchants have sold their last order And dismissed their last tired clerk,When the banks have raked in their last dollar And paid out their last dividend, When the Judge of all the earth shall say “Closed for the night” and calls for a balance, What then?

When the choir has sung its last anthem And the preacher has prayed his last prayer, When the people have heard the last sermonAnd the sound has died out on the air,When the Bible lies closed on the pulpit And the pews all empty from men,And each one stands facing his record And the books will be opened, What then?

~~~~~~A man's cat went up a tree and he couldn't get it down. So he climbed the tree as far as he could and tied a rope to it. The other end he tied to his truck. He was going to pull the tree down so he could reach the cat. Just when he got it pulled down far enough, the rope broke. The tree flew back to its position and the cat went flying.A few days later he was in the store and there was a neighbor that he knew hated cats, buying cat food. He

asked him why he was doing that. The neighbor explained. His daughter always begged for a cat and he always said no, but one day he said to her, “Alright! If God sends you one from Heaven you can have it!”

~~~~~~Teach us to pray – not witness, cast out demons, still the storm, wake the dead, or plant churches.

Abraham was bold in his prayer. (Gen. 18) Why?

I) he served his guests: he watched them eat and got acquainted with them in everyday things. Even so, we see God in creation (e.g. leaves) and can observe Him at work.

II) he walked with them: Who is this guest of mine? Is he interested in me? Where is he going? We, too, can walk with Him.

III) he stood before the Lord: What will he do? We can look back and see: Red Sea divided, water gushing from the rock, Elijah on Mt. Carmel, David and Goliath, Gideon, David, Daniel in the lions' den, the 3 men in the oven, clothes didn't wear out in the desert. We need to stay focused on the Lord.

IV) he questioned: Will you kill both bad and good? We need to make our petitions persistent, keep on asking Mt. 7:7,8.

~~~~~~A Letter From God:

Good morning, I'm God. Today I'll be handling all of your problems. Remember that I do not need your help. If the devil happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put in in the

SFJTD (something for Jesus to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the letter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it or attempt to remove it. Holding on or removing it will delay the solution to the problem. If it is a situation that you think you can handle, please consult Me in prayer to be sure. Be sure that it is the right and proper solution. Because I do not sleep nor slumber, you do not need to lose any sleep. Rest, My child. If you need to contact me, I'm only a prayer away.

Love, God~~~~~~

There were 11 Indian tribes that each had their own chief. One day they came together and decided to have only one chief. So they voted on a very fine chief to be over all 11 tribes. Some time later it was reported to the chief that there was stealing in the tribe. He decreed that when the thief was found, he would get 10 lashes. A few days later he got a report that there was still stealing. The chief upped the punishment to 20 lashes. But the stealing continued and the number of lashes went to 30. Once again stealing was reported, and the chief raised the lashes to 40. A few days later the chief was told that they had found the thief. All the tribes gathered to see who the thief was and how he would be punished. To the astonishment of all it was the chief's mother. But the chief stood his ground and said the punishment must be carried through. The mother was tied to a pole The man with the whip stood ready, but just before he applied it, the chief removed his jacket, put his arms around his mother and took the lashes for her. God hates sin and says the sinner must be punished, so Jesus took the lashes for you and me.

~~~~~~As a forgetful senior, I only need one book. I can read it over and over.

~~~~~~One day a very wealthy man put a notice on the window of his office that on the 18th of Oct, he would pay anyone's debts who came in before 10 a.m. with proof of his debt. Many gathered in front of the building, talking and wondering if that could possibly be true, but no one dared to go in. At 9:45 an older couple arrived and entered the office. They showed the wealthy man a bill for $5,000. He wrote a check for the bill and then asked them to wait until 10 a.m. At 10 a.m. he opened the door and let the couple leave. They waved their check and said, “He paid it all!” The crowd rushed the door, but it was locked. From inside they heard a voice, “I said 'til 10 o'clock. You are too late.” Jer. 8:20

~~~~~~If we are willing to acknowledge our sin and believe that Jesus took our punishment and receive His forgiveness, we can live an abundant life. The offer is for you and for me. Don't neglect this great offer. Heb. 2:3

~~~~~~For me humor is not an end in itself, but a means whereby I try to arouse interest in things that the average person does not think about; namely, where will I be when I leave this world? or where will I spend eternity?

~~~~~~

In the last section of this booklet I would like to make a few suggestions as to how we can live an abundant life. II Tim. 2:16, 17 or Heb. 4:12, 13.

In order to live a meaningful life here we need to know where we will be when it ends. We cannot live a fulfilled life unless we are ready to die. In order to live a successful life I must have a goal. The apostle Paul in the Bible says, “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Phil. 1:21. For a Christian death cannot interrupt anything of importance. James says in chapter 2:14 that our lives are like a vapor, we're here today and gone tomorrow.

I became a Christian when I was 16. My life had been a very selfish life. How can I have more fun? How can I become more popular? How can I make more money? All these things are quite normal, but I found that something was missing. I always believed in God. I always believed in the Bible. I always believed in Jesus but it was always in my head and not in my heart. Just like I always believed I could get married, but that simple belief didn't make me married. Because I believed in the Bible one day I took it and started reading. I was reading in the Gospel of John, chapter 6:37, and these words jumped out at me. It says, “Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.” In my heart I said, “Lord I don't quite understand but to my best ability I'm coming. I believe what you say and if that is true you have accepted me and I'm now your child. If that is true, it's a gift and I'm on my way to heaven. If I appreciate that I should tell others.” That thought has never left me.

Here I would like to say that there is a difference between becoming a Christian and being a Christian. Rom. 10:9,10 says, “That if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and

believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.”

Now the question comes: “What does it mean to have an abundant life?” In the Old Testament in Dt. 28:1-14 God promises a blessed life if we obey God. God wants us happy and not unhappy but He also lets us know that there are certain conditions. When I see the flowers and all the pretty birds I believe God is a happy God and He wants us to be happy, too. In the New Testament in John 10:10, Jesus says that He wants to give us a life full of joy. He doesn't want us to be miserable. Sometimes He puts material loss and spiritual gain on the same platter.

In order to enjoy an abundant life we have to first of all learn to know and have a relationship with Him. Jesus says in John 2:3,5 that we must be born again (born from above). This takes place when we receive the Lord Jesus as we read in John 1:12. Through accepting Jesus we become God's children. With God as our father we start a new life.Every car manufacturer provides a manual for every car. When God created us He also gave us a manual (the Bible). We can read it or ignore it. In Mt. 7:13, 14 Jesus says there are 2 roads: a narrow one which leads to life and a broad one that leads to destruction. God lets us choose which one we want to travel on.

If you choose the narrow road it is good to check with the Bible to make sure that you are on the right one. In I John 5:13 John tells us that these things are written to them that believe that they might know that they are on the right road. When the devil tempted Jesus, Jesus didn't try to

convince him that He was God's Son but he quoted Dt. 8 and said to satan, “It is written.” So when we doubt our salvation we must rely on the Bible. If you are not sure whether or not you are a Christian simply tell God, “If I have never received you, Lord Jesus, I do so now.” And then quote John 1:12.

Three things I would like to tell you before I end this booklet:

1.Read the Bible every day.2.Pray every day – talk to God like a father, He

understands.3.Tell others about what Jesus has done in your life.

~~~~~~In John 14 Jesus says that He is preparing a place for us in heaven. I really would like to see you there. Remember Jesus says, “I am the way.”

~~~~~~Three time eras:

Present:we can call God “Father” Rom. 8:15Jesus is our friend John 15:15we are ambassadors II Cor. 5:20we are witnesses Acts 1:8we are citizens of Heaven II Cor. 5:20we can get acquainted in Heaven Mt. 10:32, 33

Future:we have a home in Heaven John 14:1-3we will be like Jesus I John 3:2, II Cor 4:10we will understand why difficulties came Rom 8:18God will wipe away all tears Rev. 7:17 and 21:4

Past:if the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his

future. Rev. 12:12our sins are removed as far as east from west. Ps.

103:3,4, 12our sins are behind His back Isa. 38:17our sins are cast into the depth of the sea Mic. 7:10He remembers our sins no more. Heb. 8:12

~~~~~~And God said,

I said, “God, my loved one died.”God said, “So did mine.”I said, “It is such a loss.”God said, “I saw mine nailed to a cross.”I said, “I'm so lonely.”God said, “That's why I sent you the Holy Spirit.”I said, “What shall I do?”God said, “Tell others about Me and My love.”I said, “God, they do not listen to me.”God said, “They didn't listen to me, either.”I said, “God I need a home.”God said, “I'm preparing one for you.”I said, “When will I move in?”God said, “Whenever you are ready. I want all of the residents to be like My Son.” (I John 3:2)

Ernie & Helen Klassen5360 205th St., Ste. #203Langley, B.C.Canada V3A 7Y6604-539-1369ernieandhelen@telus.net